Below is a post that was submitted to me by Buttercup, a Female leader, in response to my post earlier this year, asking how everyone’s FLR has progressed over time. It is wonderful and enlightening to hear other peoples real life experiences with FLR. Thank you Buttercup for sharing. -Mz Kaylee
It was just over a year ago that my BB (Bitch Boy) asked to move our interludes playing with a FLR into a 24/7 lifestyle. In many ways it was an unknown destination that had been part of our 25 year marriage for a long time. Yet, it was still a shock to both of us to take the step and make the commitment. The longest we had gone with BB in chastity prior to this request was 8 months. It had ended in a heated argument and extreme frustration on both our parts.
BB’s sexuality has been the driving force behind our early adoption of chastity as play and now the FLR. I would say that up until a year ago my greatest contribution has been a willingness to participate in dress up and role-play scenes without (too much) judgement of his submissive mindset. I never identified myself as dominant but some experimentation took me out of the submissive camp early on. But our play always revolved around the “fantasy.” His – not mine. Me in corsets, and heels – teasing and denying him right to the edge. And then repeat.
It has taken me a long time to really wrap my head around the concept of a FLR. There were many reasons for this but primarily:
1) it was always “play” and didn’t really extend to me having full control over anything
2) in “regular” life, BB has a very forceful, type ‘A’ personality that created certain dynamics in our relationship that aren’t easily set aside
3)I am, by nature, a giver and want to do for others. Demanding service from BB has required a significant mind shift.
Nevertheless, after two years of Covid and on the cusp of having teenagers ready to leave the nest, both of us were taking stock of what we wanted for the next phase of our life. This was part of the lead up to the conversation of adopting a full time FLR. This may also be the right point to interject that monogamy as a concept was never something I fully understood or embraced. BB’s absolute disinterest in any form of discussion on the subject boxed it into the fantasy category but a restlessness persisted in me – especially during the doldrums of child rearing.
It was a game changer that, when BB approached me about a full-time FLR, he acknowledged that full-control extended to my sexual exploration as well as his. If I wanted to take a lover, for example, he would have no choice but accept it. In my eyes this raised the stakes and levelled the playing field. Finally, I could truly see something truly in it for ME.
Now, since that time, I’ve realized that an FLR offers many things for me. But that was definitely the hook.
A year later we have made a lot of progress turning our FLR into a workable lifestyle. We still have one child at home so our shifts have had to be subtle and often behind closed doors. There have been a couple heated blow-ups but both of us agree that there is no “going back.” We can only continue forward in whatever form our relationship takes. BB freely admits he is better under my control. And I, as his Queen, continue to broaden my control and flex my power while exploring the outer edges of my personal boundaries.
There are ebbs and flows to this dynamic like any relationship. But, our FLR is a constant topic of discussion between us. What’s working, what’s not? How do we manage it when one of us is away? How to keep BB in a submissive mindset? How often does he get to orgasm? What is the role of punishment and discipline? And of course, what about moving into a non-monogamous lifestyle (for me anyway)? I’ve decided that non-monogamy is something we’re not quite ready for. There are too many kinks still to work out in our day-to-day FLR but it’s an exciting possibility on the horizon.
This move to an FLR has made us both feel like we’re embarking on a brand new relationship – even though we’ve been married for almost half our lives. The problems that we have, feel like good problems instead of a tired rehashing of the same marital conversations. We have more honesty now with each other than at any other time of our relationship and our sexual chemistry has only gotten better.
As BB’s Queen, the next 25 years will be under my control. This is my world now – he just gets to live in it.
-Buttercup
This is wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing. Many of the things you discuss are things we have (and still are) going through in our journey as well. We're married 23 years and have been living in a committed WLM now for almost 13 of those years. Prior to that, we were an in-love, vanilla couple that loved to kinky somewhat often in our lovemaking. We even used the occasion of our 15th wedding anniversary to have an official WLM marriage ceremony with a knowing and willing officiant. Our life since has been amazing!
ReplyDeleteWe too have recently become empty nesters and able to expand our WLM. Now, when I wake up, I perform my chores often in frilly panties or other submissive sissy attire selected by my Princess and then I get dressed in my man clothes wearing my panties underneath and then it is off to my power job where I work to support my wife and her lifestyle while she goes to the gym , lunches and goes shopping with her friends. Throughout the day, my Princess calls me to tease me about what a bitch boy I am and threatens to tell my secretary and employees all about how I am wearing pink frilly panties under my work clothes and am really her submissive sissy bitch and not the powerful boss they think I am - often she calls with instructions or tasks for the day and I have to stop what I am doing to obey. When I arrive home , my Princess leaves my outfit for the evening for me by the front door - anything from a maid’s outfit if she wants to watch me clean the house - or other sissy attire - sometimes it is just a t-shirt that says “sissy” or “bitch boy”with panties that say “tiny dick cuckold “ that she orders for me from Etzy and then after dinner she relaxes, surfs the computer while she watches me clean up -then often I bathe her , towel her dry , apply her body lotion and comb her long blonde hair while she often just teases me about how pathetic I am to be her sissy bitch serving her and about the younger guys who hit on her at the gym who she might decide to fuck - other nights she shaves me so my body is totally hairless - at times she locks me in chastity and wears the key for all to see , all to humiliate me and remind me that she is the boss - which I love and which she seems to love even more -
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ReplyDeleteMy thoughts on this superb contribution by Buttercup seem very much to echo those of the males who have already replied to her. My wife and I have already been living under her control for around 15 years (we are 24 years married) and now have a newly empty nest at home - so much the same as sub hub and anonymous (30th October). The one difference has been that we have recently needed to suspend this happy arrangement pending my wife's illness, now happily resolved. We are consequently gently heading back to assuming our previous roles.
ReplyDeleteIf I may, therefore, just a couple of extra comments to add here - instinctively or otherwise, it seems to me that Buttercup has very quickly grasped the essence of what we have been working towards as a couple for years. True FLR must be as the name suggests, essentially on female terms. It rarely seems to work when it is merely agreed to as a sop to male fantasy without due consideration for what a dominant woman really wants and hopes to gain from the new power dynamic.
Communication, as Buttercup says, is of the essence, an ongoing process as an FLR evolves, both on the general nature of the specific relationship and the nuances within it that are to be adopted as it goes along. However, I do believe that this process needs, as with everything else in an FLR, to be led by the female with contributions from the male to be more occasional, more deferential and something merely for the female to consider - in no way to adopt if she is not so minded. Essentially a man must listen - he can be a valuable sounding board, he can be a useful source of advice but he must be ready to put all else aside when his superior/head of the household requires this. Obedience is always non-negotiable after a woman has made her decision unless she wishes to re-visit a topic. This means obedience in all honesty and with a good heart - not surly compliance or what amounts to the dreaded 'topping from the bottom'.
To conclude, I so applaud Buttercup's final sentence. It is indeed my wife's world, I am privileged to live in it and she will spend the rest of my life controlling precisely how I do so.
How would a female (wife) dominant handle a male (husband) submissive who was becoming so disenchanted with the FLR he was considering ending the marriage? How would she know he was disenchanted when he is quiet by nature and is hesitant to say anything until it's almost too late. In short I am extremely frustrated at so many things and I am afraid to say I need freedom to orgasm at will because of the threat of physical discipline.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that he is "hesitant by nature" is not an excuse for not communicating. In the end it may be the reason the marriage ended but it is not an excuse.
DeleteI am always very hesitant to give any advice on specific circumstances in a marriage, as I really have no idea, or only one side's perspective, of the internal dynamics of that marriage.
DeleteWith that said, I find what you have described to be "troubling." My own wife has established a rule, under potential severe punishment, that I may never ask to be released from my chastity device, nor ask to climax. She, exclusively, determines those times and manners of release. So I do understand part of your situation!
I also understand from you're submissive, possibly very strongly submissive and introverted, from your self description of "quiet by nature."
However, it is the responsibility of BOTH members of the relationship to "create space and time" for honest and open communication. Opportunities when either party may openly and fully express themselves, without any repercussions to either. (We ourselves have such a time set aside each Saturday morning when we can mutually assess the state of the relationship, and either can "respectively" make suggestions to improve the relationship.)
If your needs are so strong that you are considering ending the relationship, then that sounds like something your wife would truly want/need to know! She undoubtedly enjoys and derives significant benefits from the relationship, and would not want it to end for lack of communication, right?
If your wife has established such a "free conversation" period, then you need to "step up" and use that opportunity. I know if might be hard, but surely not as hard and painful as the relationship ending, right?
If your wife had not yet established such a "free conversation" period, then it is your personal responsibility to independently suggest such a period. Once established, use that period to practice being more open and communicative with your wife. After some practice, then you can raise your unmet needs, and the two of you work out a compromise; a compromise that can preserve the "overall relationship" that you both value.
The practice of an "open communication" period is perfectly reasonable, and likely something that you DID NOT specifically choose to eliminate from your marriage when you entered into it. Open communications in a marriage is a BASIC RIGHT of all parties; marriages simply cannot survive without open communications. Since it is your right, and you have not relinquished it, it remains your right. If your wife refuses to recognize your "communicative right" in this matter; if your wife "transgresses" your right, then that is clearly ABUSIVE. Then you will have a very serious decision to make. If my wife continues to refuse, after I explained my "basic right" to communicate, I know what I would have to do.
Be Strong, and Good luck!
Agree with what others have said. Open and honest communications is a must.
DeleteAgree with honest conversation, but find it a bit ironic when us submissive guys get shut down by the ladies. It’s a relationship which is a two way street and if it’s not, it won’t last or be fulfilling for each partner. The flip side is submissive guys do like being strictly controlled like with the pacifier conditioning and to be subjugated to a woman. If the woman does it in her own way, that may not be how he desires it? Agree that you can give thoughts and feelings, but let’s be honest you don’t make the decisions. She does. Every days not a party. Suck it up and put your panties on and serve her needs.
ReplyDeleteThat is right. It is a FLR after all! Communication is important but don't waster her time with petty things. If you are committed to the lifestyle than you need to be focused on pleasing her and serving her needs. It does take hard work and sacrifice, and as the comment above stated, it is not a party every day. However, when you fully commit to and embrace the lifestyle, it opens up a wonderful and exciting new world.
DeleteTotally agree with this!
DeleteIt is not a party most days, especially with young kids running around. And yet, we always find time even if it’s just in conversation to play with each other and reinforce the power dynamic we both enjoy.
There was a Femdom blogger back in the early 2000s who posted regularly about the FLR she had with her husband. It got more and more extreme. He apparently was very happy. She eventually cucked him with a male and then with another Domme. The relationship between the Domme and her grew with him being treated as a slave by them both. IIRC it got a bit extreme. In time he divorced her. Their FLR got out of control. It went down paths that were no longer fulfilling for the two of them. The posts showed this as the relationship clearly went from one of 'abusive love' to one of just her abuse of him. The last post I read was of her distraught at what happened. The blog got deleted soon after.
ReplyDeleteAs Mz Kaylee advises- Communicate, communicate, communicate!
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“How do we manage it when one of us is away?”
ReplyDeleteWhen I travel, I have to bring back a thoughtfully-chosen gift for her. (“Have to” make it sound like a burden—I enjoy doing this.) When she’s gone, she leaves a set of detailed instructions that we review when she gets back. She allows one orgasm a week for long trips.
EB
Love the gift idea EB
ReplyDeleteThanks! Another part of our agreement is that I make some sort of loving gesture at least once a week. This can be a note, a gift, a foot rub etc—the main thing is that I initiate it.
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