One of the things I like the most about Sandra's point of view (from my last post) is the celebration of her husband's submission. I completely agree that a man's submission is something to be excited about. My husbands submission is an awesome gift to me. It is incredible how much he cares for me, loves me, and wants to please me. That is what makes him a strong man and amazing husband. We have a fantastic relationship. It is quite astonishing to me how many of my friends, family, and acquaintances have experienced divorce. I think I know more people who have been divorced than those who are happily married. After many years of marriage, it still feels like the honeymoon to me and the idea of divorce is so foreign to me. I attribute a huge amount of that to our FLR. That is the end of my promo for FLR :)
The point I am trying to make is that a husband's submission is a good thing and you should be thrilled (not concerned) if he expresses an interest in it. It presents a tremendous opportunity for you to impact your marriage and your own personal life in a positive way. Your husband is the clay and now you get to mold him anyway you want. How exciting is that! So if you are in a situation where your husband brings up the idea of submission or orgasm denial, what do you do? It can be a very confusing and uncomfortable topic. The best thing you can do initially is listen to what he has to say and talk about it with him. If he is bringing up the topic with you, chances are it has been festering inside him for months and probably even years. Try to understand what exactly he is asking for. Ask lots of questions. Do not make any judgments. Just take it all in. He will love that you are showing interest. Be sure to thank him for opening up to you and tell him that you are glad he brought this to your attention. This is a huge gesture that will go a long way with building trust with your husband. Let him know that you are open to the idea and want to try it but need to think about it more.
For most people in this situation, it is not like flipping a switch and suddenly you are dominant and have a great FLR. Chances are both the wife and husband do not know exactly what they want or need to do. I find that guys think they know what they want, but they truly don't understand their submissive desires. For them, the focus tends to be all about their kinks and the typical idea of femdom with whips and leather. While this is fun, it is short-term and is not fulfilling. It will spice up your relationship but will lack the other benefits of a FLR such as better communication and building a stronger, deeper connection with your spouse. It also puts all the work on you as the dominant partner, and that is not the purpose of a FLR. A big part of your job as the leader will be redirecting his attention to serving you and focusing on your needs and not his desires. This does not mean you ignore his desires. It is primarily a paradigm shift in thinking. He needs to embrace his submission and focus on serving and worshipping you. You will use his desires and kinks to guide him in that direction. Once this change in thinking occurs, great things will happen.
I will continue this topic in my next post. I welcome comments on this topic from both men and women. I am always interested to hear whether your own experiences reaffirm what I am talking about or maybe you have had an experience that is complete opposite. I am a strong believer that sharing experiences, helps others connect with the concept and understand that FLR is real, achievable, and a great thing.
-MzKaylee
Thank you for a wonderful post MzKaylee. Mistress K. and I are living proof of how the things you say are true. I was incredibly nervous about bringing the idea of a FLM to my beautiful wife that I had already loved so much. My reason for doing it was not to imbibe in my kink but rather deepen the love that we already shared. Like you and your husband, our love is "honeymoon style" love and we have never been happier.
ReplyDeleteIt is important to note that the reason it works for us (and I suspect in your marriage as well) is consistency. A true and actual exchange of power. Not temporary role play, but an actual 24/7 understand of each of our roles in our marriage, while we continue to enjoy life with our family and in society. Nobody (except her BFF) that knows us is aware that I am submissive to her in our marriage. In all aspects of my life, I am the alpha dominant, in control and in a decidedly leadership capacity ... except one.
Thank you for a wonderful post.
My submission is a gift from myself to my wife .We both agree this is how are relationship was meant to be.I was told by friends and family that she was a natural leader so are FLR was something we both new was perfect for us. RR
ReplyDeleteMz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteI think you are right on. FLRs should function so that the husband subordinates his desires for his wife's needs. I'd even go as far as to say the husband should learn to place his wife's desires before his needs (I'm talking about the things he feels he needs such as attention to his penis; I'm not referring to his basic needs like nutrition or medical attention). My mistress made me aware of this seemingly subtle difference when she told me that as her slave she expected me to accept hard work and drudgery for her without any expectation of reward. She explained that all the menial tasks and service she expected created a significant amount of labor and demand on me and that I needed to submit to that reality simply to make her life easier and more pleasant. This was expected of me despite the fact that my life became one of extensive labor and very minimal freedom to pursue any personal pleasure for myself. This messed with my head, but I embraced it and found that as a submissive man, though I suffer to serve her, this is actually what fufills me the most.
slave j
slave j- you noted "she expected me to accept hard work and drudgery without any expectation of reward." Conceptually I agree with taking that attitude. However, in my opinion it only works if the other person recognizes the good behavior and give rewards. Although the wife/mistress is in charge, a FLR is a two-way street. If there is no attention or rewards given to the sub, then at some point the sub is going to get frustrated and lose interest. With my husband I have seen that rewards have a very positive effect on him and make him want to serve me even more. Does your mistress reward you often? If not, how does that make you feel?
Delete"It will spice up your relationship but will lack the other benefits of a FLR such as better communication and building a stronger, deeper connection with your spouse."
ReplyDeleteThe biggest surprise to both of us has been that the non-sexual aspect of the relationship is in many ways more rewarding. FLR has been liberating for both of us: She can be direct and I just plain feel better about myself. We both do.
Thank you all for your insightful comments. It truly is wonderful to hear these positive experiences and I believe when others read these, it helps them better grasp what the life style is about. Please continue to share.
ReplyDeleteWhen I brought up tease and orgasm denial to my wife, she was very unsure about it. I tried to explain that it was more orgasms for her and less for me, but she still did not believe that it would be something I would enjoy.
ReplyDeleteI wrote a post asking men in chastity if they would rather have a wonderful orgasm or be teased and denied...well, they all said that they would rather be teased and denied. She was finally convinced and it has been great every since. I don't get full blown orgasms, but she likes ruined orgasms and I get one every week or two, and I always have to do my clean up duty, which I now enjoy.