Taking Over the Reins of Control in Your Marraige- Female Led Marraige

This post is directed towards women who are  discovering or new to the concept of Female Led Relationship/Marriage (FLR/FLM).  Perhaps you have been trying it for awhile and are still trying to figure out things, or maybe your husband has suggested the idea to you, or maybe you are just learning about it.  Whatever the reason, I hope this post helps guide you in the right direction.

One of the most challenging things for many women who are new to FLR, is understanding the dynamic and how they should act.  When a husband is the one that introduces the concept, it is not uncommon for the wife to have confusing thoughts and wonder if it will make him weak.  Let me clear that up right away.  Submission does not equal weak.  In fact, my opinion is that he is a bigger man than most others for opening up to you about this topic. My husband is submissive but he is strong and confident and he treats me like a Goddess.  It is a great thing! 

FLR can be very confusing at first.  For many women it is not intuitive.  Who would think that denying a man orgasm would be a good thing and that he would actually enjoy it?  Is it common sense that a man wants his wife to be strict with him and wants to be punished if he does something wrong?  To me, it makes perfect sense but for someone just discovering FLR, this is probably a bizarre concept.  This confusion causes uncertainty on what to do, resulting in the wife being passive and unsure in her actions.  For the submissive husband it causes frustration and disappointment.  If you scour forums and blogs, there are endless posts and comments from men who are craving control form their wives and they just can't figure out how to get their wives to control them.  If you are in this situation, I want you to know that it is normal and common. 

The good news is these are not strong barriers and they can be overcome.  I will expand on this topic more in future posts.  For now I would like to share a comment that was posted on the Femdom101 blog by one of the readers of the blog. Sandra has been grateful enough to give permission for me to post her comment. Sandra provides a wonderful perspective on why women should embrace FLR with their husband. When you read her comment, pay special attention to her attitude towards submissive men as well as her insights into how men feel about submission.



From Femdom101Things your momma never taught Oct 6th..

Sandra said...

"Submissive men have a need to serve, they want to be trained, held accountable and punished for their mistakes. This is all part of having a female authority in their lives. And they need the relationship to be real, not some game, something she does just to please him. But men and women think differently and women have a hard time, especially in the begining, understanding the needs of a submissive man. They tend project their own feelings and their way of thinking into the situation. No matter what they have said, when it comes right down to it. Too many women see themselves as mean, selfish, arrogant and cruel. So they struggle to take on the role of the female authority in a femdom marriage. I've seen this many times, the man tries to express his needs and his wife only hears that he needs some kinky desires met. And that he wants her to participate in a lifestyle and activities she is very uncomfortable with. Women in this situation usually convince themselves that their men will eventually get over it and get back to normal. They deny the reality of the situation because they don't understand it and because it makes them uncomfortable. They don't realize that a submissive man needs to serve and that he would rather serve his wife most of all. But if that is not available for whatever reason, he will serve a woman outside of his relationship. The need to serve is too strong to be denied for long.

Knowing this, the ladies in my femdom circle allow the men to serve in every way possible. We are not being mean or selfish or cruel, instead we are giving our men the gift of servitude. Which just happens to be exactly what they want and need. Depriving them of this because we may not understand, that would be the selfish thing to do. Only when we finally understand submissive men. Do we see just how much they love us and need our leadership and authority in their lives.

When my group gets together, depending on the reason. We allow some or all of the men to join us. If we are getting together for a private, women only conversation.
Then the hostess will have her slave serve the food and drinks before assigning him several outdoor chores. Or she may leash, then lead him to a back room where he will do corner time until we are through. This keeps our conversations private and gives her slave a chance to serve and sacrifice for his mistress and the other ladies. If the gathering is more social, just to enjoy some quality time together. But we still want it to be more of a women only thing. Then one or two of the men are allowed to serve. They are allowed to stay in the room ready to wait on any of the ladies hand and foot as needed. And when not serving they stand at attention, close by but still out of the way. Usually we post one man on the left at one end of the room and the other one on the right on the other end. Making sure that they stand looking at the wall opposite them and not directly at the women. When we plan one of these. Usually the men will beg their mistress to be chosen for service that day.

If the gathering is a celebration of our lifestyle, then all the men are present. And depending on our plans they serve in several different ways. These are not wild, unbridled femdom parties as many may think. But rules, protocols and the pure enjoyment of the femdom lifestyle is definitely on display. Enjoyed as much by the men as by the women.

This is not kink or over the top Internet nonsense. It is the gathering of a group of women that understand submissive male needs. Everything we do is carefully planned to provide our men with what they need as submissive males. We love our husbands and want nothing but the best for them and for our marriages. But we've chosen a lifestyle that to an outsider looks totally different from what it truly is. There is a lot to take in and a lot to understand, it takes work, dedication and commitment. But the rewards are great and none of us, not the women or the men would ever go back to a vanilla existence."