Fairness in a FLR

In my last post I posed the question, is a FLR fair?  I enjoyed all the responses and was happy to see that there were different perspectives and opinions presented on the topic.  The responses were thoughtful and I appreciate that. I have to say, I had a very specific view on this topic but my view has broadened a bit after reading your responses.  I love when that happens :).

My initial thoughts were that a FLR is unfair. There are many aspects of a FLR that lead me to this conclusion.  These include things such as the submissive husband does most of the chores (sometimes all), does not get the final say in any decision, has little control over the sexual aspects of the relationship and in many cases no control over his own orgasms. Additionally, he must always cater to the needs and whims of his wife and yield to her even when he feels he may be right.  There are many FLRs in which he earns the majority of the money in the household, yet he has no control over the money and may even be limited to a very small allowance. 

The above examples probably do not all apply to your relationship, but if you are in a FLR, surely there are a few that are relevant to you.  Those specific scenarios highlight the unfair aspects of the FLR. " One poster, "Sublove,"pointed out that fairness does not matter in FLR; it is more about needs. "I'm-hers" had similar comments."Franklin" indicated that he enjoys being treated unfairly.  These are good points.  If you are entering into a FLR, you are subscribing to the idea of unfairness.  You are buying into the idea that the female has ultimate authority and control over the male or submissive partner.

Many of you indicated there is fairness in the relationship because there are benefits to the submissive.  Benefits that were mentioned were that it is rewarding to serve your wife, you receive sexual gratification or eroticism from being treated unfairly, and there is a deeper connection and happiness within the marriage.  How I interpret this, is that many of you feel that if you take a step back and look at the FLR as whole, there is fairness.  "I'm-hers" pointed out that perspective or definition of fairness can make a difference in what is fair and not fair. Others commented on this as well.  This is good stuff! 

After taking it all in, I still think ultimately a FLR is a bit unfair towards the submissive.  What I have learned from your responses is that although there is unfairness, there are certain aspects that bring fairness, especially when you look at the overall benefits of the FLR.  If you were to take a few days of a FLR and break it up into small segments and look at just those segments individually, you would probably see a lot of unfairness.  For example your might see the husband taking orders from his wife, doing most of the chores, and pampering her.  You might see him wanting to do something but being told no by his wife. However, if you glue all those pieces together and see the overall benefits, and if you were to talk to the submissive partner and understand his feelings towards that treatment, you would probably find that it is not as unfair as it seems. 

Prior to understanding this I would have not inserted the words "a bit" in the first sentence of the previous paragraph.    I also believe that unfairness is not always a bad thing.  Sometimes it is needed to accomplish things and it is in the best interest of all parties. I'd like to end with a quote from "sublove" which I think puts a great perspective on the topic:

"But really, what is fair and why is it so important? To me, if someone is overly concerned with things being fair, that person is centered on him or herself too much. I believe strongly in what comes around goes around, you are what you eat, show me your friends.... etc. If you're always worried about what's fair then you will probably never have enough. If you go about the business of giving of yourself, (submitting, as it were) helping others, then you appreciate the things you do have and that creates happiness.

Thank you all for contributing to this post.

-MzKaylee

Is a Female Led Relationship Fair?

I would like to pose this question to all of you. I have my thoughts and opinions on this but before I share them I would like to hear from you. Is a FLR fair?

Inquiring Minds Want To Know

I've received several post comments, questions, and e-mails recently.  I think it is great that many of you are taking an interest in what I write and I truly appreciate the positive comments and support.  I encourage all of you to go back through my blogs and read the comments and add your own thoughts, opinions.  If you are a female involved in a FLR, I welcome your opinions and advice with open arms. The more we can discuss and share, the more others can understand the wonderful benefits of a FLR and hopefully be encouraged to move their relationship in that direction.

Below I've responded to some of the questions I have received. A few are a bit off-topic but boys will boys and I know these things are always in the back of your mind.......

What are your thoughts on cuckolding?

 It is not something that interests me.  I enjoy the intimacy I have with my husband and have no desire to disrupt that with another person. If both partners agree to it and it works for you, then that's great.  It becomes another tool for the wife to control the husband and another mechanism to add spice to the relationship.  It is something that should be contemplated seriously before starting and both partners need to over communicate their feelings throughout the process.. Relationships and emotions are delicate and bringing others into the mix can cause issues.  However, I know for many people it works well.

 

How often does your husband pleasure you? 

Of course you know the answer is that he pleasures me when I want :). The frequency varies depending on what's going in our life at the time. We have two teenage kids so right now finding time alone is a challenge.  I'd say on average 1 - 2 times a week but sometimes it can be less frequent.  Men seem to be so focused on the act of sex.  Don't get me wrong, it is great, but there are so many other good things.  I love a foot massage, having him serve me breakfast in bed, or simply having him kneeling at attention for me. Not to mention I tease him quite a bit during the week, which brings me sexual satisfaction.

 

How often do you let him climax? 

I do not keep track.  He climax's when I decide, which can be when I am in the mood to allow him (not often) or if I notice he is getting a little antsy.  I call it the "annoying factor."  When he starts to get annoying it is usually because he is overdue for an orgasm. I would say he typically goes anywhere from 4 - 8 weeks.  Sometimes it is longer and on occasion it may be shorter.  While his orgasms are rare, he gets lot of teasing in between.  I find this length of denial combined with regular teasing keeps him in a constant state of arousal, which he enjoys and it keeps him wanting to pleasing and serve me.

 

Do you allow sexual intercourse?

Yes.  There is a lot of symbolism in our sexual intercourse.  Thomas views it as a very special privilege to have sex with his Goddess Wife.  He knows that in our marriage it is not something he is entitled to.  Often times after we have sex he thanks me for allowing him to have sex with me.  I love that he uses the word 'allowing'.  During intercourse I am on top and in control.  He does not thrust unless I allow it.  If there is any thrusting it is only for my benefit, to enhance my pleasure.   Thomas has the mindset during intercourse to focus on pleasing me and to suppress his own orgasm. He never expects an orgasm during intercourse and he is not allowed to orgasm unless I give permission.  I will only allow him to orgasm during intercourse once or twice a year.

The frequency of our intercourse varies based on my mood and how busy we are.  Most of the time I have him pleasure me orally or with his fingers so intercourse is not very frequent.  I enjoy limiting it as a form of control over him and to let him know that it is a very special privilege.  Often times we have intercourse about once a month.  There are also times when we go 2 - 3 months without intercourse.

This may seem extreme to some of you but it works for us. Thomas enjoys being controlled in this way.  He gets an erotic rush when I have an orgasm during sex while he is denied.  I will drift to sleep afterward while he is awake and fully aroused.  He loves it!  He has told me that it arouses him whenever he thinks about the fact that he will never be allowed to have regular sex with me.  My control and restrictions over his sex life is a thrill for him (and me too :).
 

What are your thoughts on semen?  Is it gross?  Erotic?  Something you want to totally avoid?  I'm neutral.  I don't think it is gross and I don't get overly excited by it.  It just a part of sex.

Do any of your friends have a FLR?
Not that I am aware of.  It is not something that I talk about with friends.  We keep to ourselves about our FLR.

-MzKaylee
 

Thank You

I just wanted to a post a big THANK YOU to all of you who read and comment on my blog.  The number of viewers keeps climbing every day which is very encouraging to me.  I truly appreciate all of the comments that are posted.  I encourage you to read through the comments and post your own thoughts.   Even if you have differing opinions, please share.  Whenever there is differing opinions, good discussions always ensues. It's o.k. if we disagree. We just need to be respectful in how we disagree.  There is no one right answer to a FLR so I am always thrilled to hear about people's different experiences and enjoy engaging in discussion on these topics.  I titled my blog Femdom Think Tank because I truly want it to reflect a collaboration of thoughts of many people.  These come through in the comments as well as the posts.  If anyone is interested in posting a topic on my blog or simply sharing a memorable experience email me at MzKaylee101@gmail.com

Thank You!