Exerting your Dominance

This post is a followup to the previous post. You all are making it easy to write this post. Your comments have been great and on point to what I was thinking. Much of what was shared are things I would consider a must in a FLR and some are things that are not necessarily "musts" but are practices that enhance and strengthen the FLR and distinguish it from a typical vanilla relationship.

If you recall, the questions we were trying to answer were: what makes a FLR real and not just a game to spice up the marriage; how do you keep it from being vanilla?

From the comments shared, here are the things I consider musts:

1. Orgasm Control -this directs his focus to the wife and gives her authority over him.
2. Formal acceptance of her authority.  No negotiation of the established authority -  formal acceptance is a key distinguishing factor compared to a traditional marriage where the wife is known to "wear the pants."  
3. Inequality - FLR does not exist if there is equality.

Items from the comments that are not required but add to the wife's dominance and keep the relationship from becoming vanilla:

1. Punishment - makes him accountable for his actions and establishes clear lines of power and authority between husband and wife.. The first time he is punished, it brings a new level of reality to the FLR and he learns it's not a fantasy anymore. Punishment also improves obedience.
2. Financial control - Money is a source of power.  When the wife controls the money, she increases her power and authority over him. Without direct access to money, the husband becomes dependent on her and this deepens his submission to her. What better way to pay tribute to your wife than to work hard to earn money and let her spend it how she desires? 
3. He does most of the chores - This one is not on the must list but it is pretty much a staple in every FLR. I can't imagine why a wife would not take advantage of this one. Very early in the FLR the wife may not know enough about FLR or have enough confidence to start assigning chores, but usually she gets there pretty quickly. When it comes to chores, I see two differences in a FLR versus a traditional marriage. First, in a FLR most, if not all, chores are assigned to the husband. The wife is only doing chores that she wants to do or has to do out of necessity. Whereas in a traditional marriage there usually is a balance of work between husband and wife and it is often split based on social norms (e.g. girls clean and guys do the labor intensive work). The other difference is that in a FLR the wife has clear expectations on how and when chores are done and if they are not done according to those expectations, there are consequences for the husband. Before we started a FLR Thomas did his chores his way and I felt I did not have much say. For example, he did the dishes but sometimes he would let them sit until the next day or not put the clean dishes away for days. He did not always wipe the table down either. If I complained about this, he might do better for a few days but then go back to his old habits. If I said something again it would be nagging. Sometimes I would wipe the table and counters and put things away rather than confront him. Now in our FLR, he knows he must have the dishes done every night and wipe the table and counters or he will be punished. I have no reservations about holding him accountable for these expectations.
4. Rituals - many of you described rituals. I loved reading how many guys on a daily basis bend to their knees in front of their wives and proclaim their love and obedience for her.  How wonderful and romantic and a great way to keep the bonds of marriage and FLR strong.

Thank you all for your contributions on this topic.  You captured many key elements of a FLR that separate it from a traditional marriage. In addition to the above, control in the bedroom is another aspect of the FLR. This can be implied with orgasm control but I thought is was worthy of expanding the discussion more. With Thomas I have complete control when it comes to sex and the bedroom activities. Sex is always on my terms and when and how I want it.  He can voice an opinion but I choose whether or not to do anything about it. If I want an orgasm, I get one, His cock belongs to me and is my play toy to use whenever I desire. He pleases me anyway I desire and his pleasure is secondary.  During sex he is always on the bottom, and is not allowed to thrust unless I give permission. He never expects an orgasm but always seeks to give me one. He must always ask for permission to cum, no exceptions to this rule! How a woman chooses to manage the sex and bedroom play is up to her but it should always be on her terms.

It is also important that the wife keeps the FLR evolving. Believe it or not a FLR can become vanilla to the husband and wife. Someone on the outside may not see it as vanilla but for a couple that has been living the same routines over a period of time, those routines can become vanilla and then the relationship loses its spark. Your FLR should be a never ending journey that keeps evolving and growing. I think many women do fall into the routine and that is one of these reasons I started my blog.  There are so many blogs and articles about how to start a FLR but very few address the ongoing challenges of a FLR and what to do after you have established it.  One of my goals for this blog is to share ideas to keep relationships fun, exciting, and evolving.

Each topic above is worth digging into more deeply. I plan to expand on each one in my next few posts. If there is one in particular that you have an interest in, let me know. I also encourage you to read the comments in the previous post. There is great discussion and I have spent time replying to comments. However, I do not want to be the only one responding. Please add your thoughts and opinions to the discussions. Thanks to those of you who have been contributing. I am thrilled to see so many different people commenting and sharing their real life experiences.  Your contributions truly make this blog much more meaningful and a great source of information for both men and women.

Mz Kaylee