Some of the comments in the post “The Dominant Part of FLR“ centered
on Female Superiority and whether or not females are superior to men. If you
search the internet (and I did) you will find articles that make the case for
female superiority and articles that make the case for male superiority. Which
side is right? Some are a little more scientific than others. The article below presents a balanced view of
both arguments:
I never paid much attention to the argument and considered
female superiority more fantasy than fact. However, the recent comments have
had me thinking about it more. I’ve been reflecting on the behaviors in my own
marriage and have begun to wonder if I’ve been subscribing to the female
superiority belief on a subconscious level. To start with, Thomas refers to me
as Goddess and I do take on that role well J.
It actually took many years for me to embrace the role but once I accepted my
role as Goddess to Thomas, it unlocked a whole new world for me and our FLR
grew in leaps and bounds. We use the
term ‘worship’ quite often. Thomas worships my feet, he worships my panties,
and after he massages my body, he thanks me for allowing him to worship my
body. Is it really worship or is it fantasy? He regularly kneels before me and
kisses my feet. He also kisses my legs, ass, and other body parts before he
massages them. These are all signs of worship. Does that make me superior to
him?
Then there is the ownership thing. I feel a sense of
ownership in Thomas. How about it my
fellow Goddesses and Mistresses, don’t you feel this too? I know Thomas wants to
feel like he’s owned. He is still my husband but it is like he is also my
property. I can do what I please with him and he obeys without question. I use
him for my pleasure when I want and I use him as a work horse for me and he
loves it. When you think about it, over the years I have trained him, shaped
him, and molded him. Most of what he does during the day is either for me or
because of me. I have shaped his daily behaviors and even molded the way he
thinks. I take ownership in that. Does that make me a superior being to him?
Thomas could not imagine a life where he is equal with me
and neither could I. We both agree that our marriage is much better and
individually we are better people and much happier with me in the lead and him
submitting to me. He may be physically stronger than me but I can outsmart him.
I know how to push all his buttons and wrap him around my finger and get him to
do just about anything. Does that make me stronger than him? I am definitely
superior to him in marriage and in life. He has accepted that but does that
make me a superior being to him? Maybe.
Taking the stance of females being superior over males is
certainly a great way to embrace the dominant role and there is no doubt in my
mind that if both partners embrace this concept their FLR will flourish but is
it really just fantasy? Where I struggle the most with the concept is outside
of the marriage. Am I to expect that
when Thomas walks into a room of women, he is to accept that he is inferior to
all of them? I’m not so sure about that. There are quite a few women that I
know, whom I would not consider superior to my husband. I would expect him to treat all women with
respect and go out of his way to accommodate them, but not that he see himself
as an inferior human to them. What about when I walk into a room of men….should
I feel superior to them? Hmmm, I like
that thought J. It’s a great thought but I sense that a woman
who viewed herself superior to men might come off condescending and will have
challenges building relationships and trust with men. Perhaps that would not matter to the superior
woman. If I proclaim myself a superior being to men, what does that matter
anyway? Why is that important? It’s just another label.
Please share your thoughts and opinions. It
would be great to hear discussions arguing for each side (superiority vs.
equality).
-Mz Kaylee
Hi Ms Kaylee:
ReplyDeleteI found this last post of yours very thought provoking. I think the answer to your dilemma is to make a distinction between two meanings of female superiority, which in the end come together harmoniously—at least in my view.
The first meaning of female superiority is the one that is normally accepted when the term is used. This meaning as developed in the Psychology Today article is typically rejected by experts and by the general public as well. In this view, superiority is an essence that resides in women, which is then compared to an essence that resides in men. Much social science and commonsense thinking is based on this idea of separate essences or entities compared to other essences or entities.
The second meaning of female superiority is that of a relationship, not a relationship between two essences but a relationship that produces or generates essences. As you say in your post: “I am definitely superior to him in marriage and in life.” You are referring to relationships here, rather than an essence. Here—in relationships—Is where the truth of female superiority resides.
My own thinking is that the more intimate the relationship between women and men becomes, the more this relationship of dominance or superiority emerges and takes definite shape. Another way of saying it is that there is a strong tendency of men to submit to, worship, and offer service to women, and of women to guide, accept worship, and harness for their own benefit the services of men. It explains why FLRs are so satisfying to women and men. I believe that this tendency, even when it is not in ascendency, is felt as a strong undertow within women and men.
But, how do these two meanings merge and become one? This happens when women and men accept this natural tendency in relationships as right and beneficial. At that point, what is felt as an intuition or semi-conscious thought comes to full awareness and starts to shape our intentions. When that happens, new essences emerge in each. The woman and man begin to define themselves—their essences—in terms of the relationship. Over time, a matriarchal culture would then become a reality. In this reality women and men would see themselves in the terms of superiority and inferiority. All this would have nothing to do with IQ etc., though over time, that too would probably change.
I urge you to take the next step and consider yourself as superior to all men when you walk into a room. This is what men used to do and still sometimes do. These men NEVER considered the merits or essences of the women in the room as compared to their own. What they always did was consider women in relationship to them, and that relationship was one of superior and inferior. You say you “like that thought.” I would say run with it. Men will either respond with fear of that undertow in their subconscious attraction to you. The ones that fear you will typically avoid you, but the ones who are attracted to you will desire to be of service to you and secretly will worship you. Both in the workplace and in other areas of life you will then be able to excel and thrive, much as men used to do in the past.
LS
This is awesome. Well thought out. My wife and I are only starting on the FLR journey. We were equals up to that point and many things did not get done. I have found a thrill in being submissive to her but (at this point) I see this as something I have given to her (control over me). It has a lot to do with respect and trust and I think that is where supremacy breaks down in a social setting.
ReplyDeleteMz Kaylee
ReplyDeleteThis is an incredible concept that one could easily write a book discussing both sides. It is my opinion that men subconsciously seek out women that are superior in nature By design men are drawn to women that they can look up to and serve. I believe this is one of the concepts that most women living in a FLR just do not get. They see their submissive husband as “ different “ never realizing that he is simply rejecting the traditional model and being open about his desires . ALL men have the same tendencies and desires and therefore women truly are superior in the sense that men naturally want to serve the female. . Once a woman understands that this is a universal concept she can live a superior life in and out of the home.
Now as to your question “ When I walk into a room of men should I feel superior” . Absolutely yes! A woman comfortable and secure in her dominance is actually walking into a room of men who desperately need to serve her.This is even more powerful when you consider that maybe only one woman in a thousand understand this concept
“I sense that a woman who viewed herself superior to men might come off condescending and will have challenges building relationships and trust with men”
This is pretty easy to debunk. Look at your life with Thomas ! You absolutely consider yourself to be superior yet he loves you more . The same concept will apply outside the home. This is why I believe a man introducing his wife to a FLR is absolutely foolish to think that he will continue to “ own “ his wife. Once a wife understands that she is truly superior , she will take ownership of her husband and enjoy the attention and service of the men she encounters.
I have coached my wife on this concept over the past couple of years. She is an upper level executive working at a Fortune 500 company in a” man's “world .She has cautiously applied the principles and is amazed by the results. Becoming a superior woman is really a state of mind. Apply the principles in and outside the home and enjoy the results. Men live to serve your every need!
John
I love the sense of ownership that comes with a man being in an FLR. Knowing that I am the property of my wife make me want to love, serve, and obey her completely. Just her reminding me of my servitude to her makes my knees tremble.
ReplyDeleteI don't subscribe to the superiority of either sex. It makes no sense at all that either has some genetic predisposition toward superiority.
ReplyDeleteThe general population of most countries consider males superior. We inherit our superiority by virtue of almost all human history touting the male as naturally superior. There are, of course, exceptions, but this is the historical case.
During the late 20th century, feminism has helped level the field in much of the West. But society still persists in old beliefs.
My marriage is a FLR. In practice, we function as partners in almost all aspects of our lives. She does get the deciding vote and I do have to obey her. All this was my choice and suggestion to her. She kindly agreed.
I know it is important to some guys to believe that females have a natural authority over them. I get it. It moves the way they want to live along.
However, when the woman starts believing this as well, it could cause trouble. I think that in any power exchange, the dominant member has to maintain a rational view of the "action". In our cases, she has to maintain reality and guide the relationship on a sane course.
I realize my perspective is unpopular with the "she is a Goddess" practitioners. It is central to their belief system that their woman's power is absolute. By extension, they believe all women possess natural authority. Fair enough, but not particularly factual.
Caged lion
DeleteWe all have different perspectives and it is not my intent to challenge your
Beliefs or relationship structure in any way. However I wonder if you realize that it is very obvious even by your choice of names that you are still COMPLETELY in control. You are missing the very essence and joy of living in a FLR. If you actually offer her real submission I think you might better understand our fascination with women of power.
John
Good discussion. I am glad to see we have differing opinions. That's what makes a great discussion. Please keep the comments coming!
ReplyDeleteLS and John - you both hit on similar points and thank you for your well thought out responses. You both have a great attitude and perspective towards a FLR. It is the type of attitude that will make a FLR prosper and bring enjoyment to both partners so keep moving down that path.
ReplyDeleteHowever, you are looking at this solely through the eyes of a submissive man and not the real world. In your submissive world, it works but not everyone is like you. There is a big difference of a women being superior to her submissive husband versus viewing herself as superior to all men. There is also a difference in being confident versus viewing yourself as superior. I am much more confident and dominant with men than I was pre-FLR and this has improved my life considerably. However,this does not make me superior to men.
I do not believe that all men have a natural tendency to serve women. As you pointed out LS, some men do view themselves as superior to women and I would also guess that most men do not consider themselves inferior. If that was the case there would not have been a need for the feminist movement. Why do you think there has been such a big fight for women's rights? It's because women felt unfairly treated and it was not a good feeling. If it was not good for women, why then would we suddenly think the oppo1site would be good for all men?
I do believe a FLR is great and a much better arrangement than a traditional marriage. However, I'm not so sure the principles of a FLR apply to everything outside of a marriage. I also do not believe that a FLR is right for all women. In some cases a male led marriage may be the right answer (did not expect did you?:) It really depends on the people involved and not whether you are a man or a woman.
Great discussion. Would love to hear more opinions as there are many facets to this subject. Perhaps superiority is on an individual basis? If it's not man vs. woman, are there clearly some individuals who are superior and some who are inferior? Are some women inferior over other women?
Superiority in the vanilla world, whether female or male, is based on many levels. But from my own experience and the experiences of others I know. Female superiority within an FLR is something very different. In our FLR my husband needs me to be his superior. His Goddess to serve and worship as I see fit, without question. To him this is just part of making our relationship real. And withing the confines of our marriage, I have no problem being his superior in every way. I enjoy the power it gives me and we both delight in him being my personal servant. Whether in public or in private, our relationship doesn't change, only the behavior changes. And Nothing changes if we are around our lifestyle friends.
ReplyDeleteIn public, the idea of female superiority has helped me be more confident and assertive. But not to the point that I see this as a reality beyond my FLR. I do not believe all men are submissive or inferior and desirous of an FLR. In public my husband is expected to be chivalrous and attentive towards women. This is how he has been trained and he knows that it pleases me, it pleases him too. That doesn't mean that I expect him to consider himself inferior to women. My only expectation is for him to be polite, courteous and as helpful as possible. And if his public behavior in some way benefits our private FLR, so much the better.
Mz Kaylee
ReplyDeleteI so enjoy the opportunity your blog presents to have discussions like this about the FLR lifestyle. My comments about women being superior were intended for the audience of this blog and not necessarily for women of the vanilla world. I well understand that In life there will always be greater and lesser persons with little regard to their sex. I encounter men and women daily that I might find to be superior in some sense and others that I find to be inferior. My comments were intended to impress upon the dominant woman the true submissive nature of all men. I know we disagree on this point because you tend to separate submissive men like myself from the average man. Unfortunately as a woman it is difficult for you to understand that submissive men are only different in the sense that they have chosen to express the desires that most men keep hidden. My opinions and comments are not based on my submissive nature but rather a lifetime of observation and a heathy interest in the power dynamics between men and women. I can tell you with all certainty based on real life experience that men who present themselves as dominate and powerful secretly desire and long to be in submission to a woman they consider to be superior.It is simply ingrained in the male DNA and part of every man. Men were created strong and able to protect and serve women . Women were created the weaker sex to be loved ,adored and served. The need to serve is what gives purpose to the man's life. This is obvious throughout humane history but unfortunately the intellectual level of mankind is just now reaching the point to allow women to openly express her dominant nature. A woman of dominance with an expectation to be served is only superior in the sense that she understands a man's desire to serve and applies this desire to enhance her life.
Take care!
John
Comparing to the "average man" may not be the best comparison because who knows what the average man is when it comes to submission. I agree with you that there are men who act dominant on the outside but secretly desire to be dominated by a women. I also sense that most men have submissive desires and fantasies about being dominated by a women. Given my experiences, I believe that for most men if they are attracted to a woman and she is confident and dominant, they would submit to her. I also know there are many, many men out there that are not submissive to their wife only because she has not chosen to take the lead. That is something I am trying to change through my writings on my blog.
DeleteMz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteFirst I would like to acknowledge Mistress Sandra and say as always her insight is spot on. My wife expects me to conduct myself in away that doesn't embarrass her in public. I also agree with you that everything depends on the people involved but you have every right to feel superior in your relationship and my bet is both of you probably are superior in the rooms you enter. As far as my belief on this topic I am very intelligent funny and witty but those are skills I offer not my measure of my value. My value is found in complementing my wife's needs. There is no such thing has equality because in situations everyone has different skills. Now here is where I believe our world is created for the pleasure of women. Commercials on TV are designed to mostly women because they know women have the buying power. Car design is the same way. Malls 100% for women. Most restaurants to attract women. In most relationships it is the mans life that changes in the infancy of the relationship and then as it continues it slips more and more to before. All I think a flr is is the wife holding us to how we behaved while we were courting. An old blog Around Her Finger really highlighted this aspect. So in the end do I believe EVERY woman is superior to me no ma'am but do I believe as a whole women have more influence on our society there for giving them more power (yes I know most power position are still held by men but those positions mostly court women). I can say you are superior to me without hesitation. Here's my question can you say you are superior? Or would you say it depends?
Thanks
Mistress Kathys Bobo
I am glad that you recognize your intelligence and humor and the importance of them to your wife. My husband is submissive to me but he is also my partner and best friend and so it is important that I can have meaningful conversations with him and laugh with him. Many guys who want to submit to their wife don't understand that concept and they just want to be pure slave's do their wife.
DeleteI can see you are the romantic dreamer. This is most definitely not a woman's world. That is a whole different discussion. It is a great aspiration and the tide is slowly changing so I appreciate your vision.
Can I say I a superior? I'll answer that with another question. Why does it matter? If I walk into a room and consider myself superior, what does that do for me?
It's such an easy subject! Females are superior but superior is not a racist or bad word like some people think. So get over it, Females are superior, why is that so hard?
ReplyDelete:)
DeleteSandra - I enjoyed reading your perspective on female superiority. It resonates well with me and I think makes a lot of sense. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteQuestion: Are humans superior to birds? What does it do for you to think they are?
ReplyDeleteMz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteYou saying your superior to me does nothing for you but you believing you are does everything. Maybe I missed understood but you say you like how it feels to be superior to your husband. That it translates to some sort of happiness and confidence. It matters if you can say it without guilt simply because of the acceptance of yourself and and your belief. What it does for you is solidifies your belief system which translates to self confidence. I guess my point is this you asked in your post Should I walk into a room and feel superior to men and my answer is only if you can do it without guilt and doubt.
Mistress Kathys Bobo
Mz Kaylee.
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing a wonderful job in presenting the opportunities that this lifestyle holds for women. After reading your comments , I think we are pretty much in agreement about the submissive nature of men. Like you ,I hope this blog will encourage more women to challenge the failures of a tradition marriage and begin to understand the tremendous advantages of a FLR. Men long to be in submission to the woman they love.
Take care
John
I'd love a post on displaying authority and punishments, do you think you could do that?
ReplyDeleteyes a mistress is superior to her slave and us submissive man love that and want and need the mistress to use us and think of us a her property,like owning a dog a sub male needs to obey with Devotion.and server with a smile i think all woman are superior to me . and i should work to make there lifes easy and do what i am told. every sub male should try to be the best slave to there mistress . so his mistress can say i am proud owner of male slave who only goal in life is to .obey me at once, he licks my feet clean every day and does not play games just serves me ,even if he kept in male chastity 24/7 and his ,frustration will lead to better service.in Anticipating my Needs every male sub should want this
ReplyDeleteWow. Terrific discussion. Still new to FLF (does that feeling ever go away?) some terms and concepts are tough for me. I have read things at times and thought that is too much for me or I don't get that and then not too far later it sort of "clicks". "Ownership" is one such thing. The first time I saw that term used in an FLR or Female Dominant manner I did not get it. Now I feel like I am beginning to. While I've always been the far more dominant partner - over the last year alone my dominance has increased significantly and I would say it is a vast improvement all around in our marriage. Kaylee, your idea that submissive men need or want to serve a female I think is true. I think my own husband is far happier with "inequality" and the more "bossy" I have become the more of a fit we have become. On some level the nuances of it are a bit weird. For example "I'd like you to stop and get coffee on your way home" has become "You are stopping to get coffee on the way home". "Are you going to workout today" has become "You are working out today from 2-3:30pm". For some animalistic reason that female position over him totally fits. When it is "all about me" and I lead a hundred percent it seems to "relax" him ...............or something? I confess I am still working on full comfort with this. He did say to me recently he feels I am "more important" than he is. I know in the vanilla world that would be a taboo idea but I confess.......felt good. Am I superior? I believe he thinks of me that way and I think I do as well. We are definitely not "equal". I think the hard part for some of my friends to understand is that this does not mean for a second I do not love him deeply. In fact more so for it.
ReplyDelete"...but with humility" (be) "deeming one another superior to one's self..." (Philippians 2:3; Concordant version).
ReplyDelete