Posts and Comments

It makes me very happy that we have had so many people submit guest posts and that many of you are commenting on the posts. The comments are just as important as the posts. Often times it is in the comments where we learn the most and where there is discussion that make us think deeper into a subject. For me, comments are also rewarding and motivation to continue posting. It takes a lot of thought and time to write a good post and when I post something I am hopeful that others will see value in it and comment on it. I am sure the guest writers feel the same way.

I truly appreciate the contributions from our guest writers. It is great to read different views, perspectives, and ideas. Many of you have expertise and experiences in areas of FLR that I do not so it is fabulous to have others write about those things and to have readers comment on their experiences and thoughts in those areas..That is what Femdom Think Tank is all about.

Since we have had great guest posts and comments over the last few months, I've decided not to publish any new topic posts for the rest of January. Instead I'd like to request that everyone reread the past posts and comments and then submit a comment of your own about a post and also comment on someone else's comment. That's at least two comments that I want you to contribute. If from the discussion, you are compelled to write a post expressing your opinion on the topic, go for it! The only posts I will publish for the rest of the month are posts that tie back to one of the previous posts or discussions.

Lastly, one of my followers shared thoughts with me about Femdom Think Tank that really got me thinking and I'd to call out a few that really resonated with me and will hopefully encourage you to contribute in a positive way:

(1) Femdom Think Tank, in my opinion, should be not about just talking of experiences but moreover, translating those experiences (or other things that are talked about) into topics that pertain to the Femdom lifestyle and where it is going. 

I think this is a fabulous thought. The combination of both real experience and giving an opinion or advice about FLR based on that experience is very powerful and meaningful. 

(2) It's Femdom and should center around Women


Yes! When I started this blog my focus was on helping women discover and be successful in FLR.  That is still my main focus. I have to admit, initially I was not interested in hearing from men. However, there have been many thoughtful and insightful comments from men on the blog. Because of this I have learned that there is value from the comments from men and we (Women) can learn a great deal from their insights. I also recognize that by helping men, it translates to helping women. A man who is properly educated on FLR will be a better husband to his wife and can guide her towards the FLR lifestyle. So there is a place for the man's point of view on my blog but I also want to ensure the blog is female centered with the main focus on helping women. Therefore, I am going to institute a rule that the posts will be publish with a ration of 3:1 of female vs. male posts. That means I will only publish a post from a male after I have had at least 3 Female posts published. It is Femdom after all!

(3) People should share opinions about the lifestyle and there should be respectful debate between all sorts of view points; respect a valid opinions even if you do not agree; people have a right to think differently; everyone has their own world.

I love this. Share lots of view points! Please debate and debate respectfully and do not take a differing opinion personally. What is right for one couple may not work for another couple. I do not like to censor but I will not publish comments that are not respectful. Unfortunately there are a few bad apples who do not understand this which is why I am forced to monitor comments. Most of you are respectful in your comments and I appreciate that.  

O,K, Let's get to work reading and writing!

-Mz Kaylee

Female Dominance and "Cuckolding (by Mary)

I am very grateful to Mary for sharing the below post. Her and I have been corresponding for quite a while and I know she has ventured into cuckolding with her husband.  There's been some discussion in the comments of previous posts about cuckolding and so I asked her if she could write about her experience with it. I am sure you will enjoy this post. Thanks for taking the time to write this post Mary!  -Kaylee

Female Dominance and "Cuckolding"

In truth I was always pretty "dominant" with guys. I think I was just that way from the very start. I guess I liked the feeling of "directing" guys.  I did not really think about it all that much back then - high school, college, etc. It was just "me". I was never really into "whips and chains" and even the term "bondage" or "slave" seemed not me and at times a bit silly. I had zero objection to that stuff it was just not quite a fit for me.  Now I am married and my interest in the whole idea of power in relationships has, for whatever reasons, become pretty intense. Frankly it all fascinates me but I think more in what they call the "life style" sense versus what I guess some couples do - "play"?  It is not that I don't play with my husband. God knows I do but I think I am also interested in the ongoing feel of it all as well as some of the "practical" aspects of being dominant and having a submissive husband for whom that fits really well. 

I consider myself an absolute "newbie". Maybe I am less that than I think. I believe without the Internet I would know nothing. Even  one or two years ago I don't feel like I knew half of the terms and ideas that I am now slowly becoming more familiar with. I also think that I did not "get" it. I guess I did not get the depth of how female dominance can be - both for the woman and the guy. Over the last year alone I have learned a ton about my husband as well as myself. I feel that our relationship is incredibly "deep" and emotional and uniquely connected. It is still developing and I find it quite exciting and it feels more alive than much of what I hear from women in "traditional" (sorry I don't know the right word here) marriages. 

If I am honest I do have a little trepidation about writing this piece. That is so partly because it is still new to me and also because I know full well I don't understand it all. I don't say that what I write is true for all or that I have any special knowledge whatsoever. I  can only share my experience. 

Initially I think I felt it was "fun" to be a little "bossy" with guys. I found it not hard to direct them and I sort of liked that they liked it and did not at the same time. My husband was no different. In fact I have learned increasingly what a submissive is through him. I know full well that all men are not this. My husband sure seems to be. So early on I just found our dynamic fun. As time progressed (okay this sounds wicked) I did find it advantageous. I learned to "link" his "good behavior" with a potential "reward". I also learned to limit his rewards pretty significantly. If that sounds horrible or manipulative I understand. But honestly I started to notice that my husband could be made to get excited to do our laundry, grocery shop,

clean the house, get my car washed, pick up my dry cleaning etc. It has become "explicit" that a great day of following my directions (orders) may well bring a very rewarding experience with my right hand. 

This "reward system" has become very up front. Is there a "puppy dog" aspect to it. Yes, absolutely. I sort of think there might be some of this even in "vanilla" marriages. The husband "does good" pleases the wife and gets rewarded. I think what I have done is sort of made that dynamic intensely explicit. There is both a "game" and a "real life" aspect to this. The chore list I give my husband is very real. Often it is darn long. Some Saturday mornings I whisper to him - "I really want you to work extra, extra, hard for me today". It has become a "thing" on the weekend - Saturday's especially. I go out and literally take a total leisure day - brunch, yoga, visits with friends - even dates. "Dates" was the original subject of this essay before I got off on a tangent. Yes, I "date". 

I expect this might be the hardest thing to explain. Honestly it is was and at times still is more than surprising to me. I learned the term "cuckolding" only recently in time. I don't want to give the impression that I am a "party girl" or heading out to clubs with every Tom, Dick and Harry - very far from it. I do, however, at this point have a "boyfriend". I also can at times be a bit openly flirty with guys - yes, even with my husband quite present. Most of my life I am "home". Most of my life I am "just" a married woman. Most of my life, to others, I am sure I appear to be in a marriage not unlike others (though who knows what people really do!). The truth is though my husband and I are not "equal" - at least not in the marriage. He is my husband - there is no mistake about that. I am sure though that our marriage is a bit different than most though I do wonder how many other forms of what we do occurs with others. I really have zero idea.

The reality is I have freedom in my marriage. My husband does not. I do what I want. He does not - or maybe he does, but, what he wants to do is what I want him to do - if that makes any sense?  I will add that if anyone told me earlier in life that anything like this was even vaguely possible I am sure I would have rejected the notion a thousand percent. I know that there are or have been cultures with "Queens" where the woman is worshipped and the male is not equal. I am not well read on that but I know it exists. I also know that many men (or am coming to know) inside themselves "feel better" or more natural or more right or more something - being under the lead or direction of a female. My husband and I had some interesting conversations. I have even used an "interrogation technique" involving oil and also my hand to ask questions and explore things while he is aroused (quite amazing how honest he can become!).  

If I am out on a date night he confesses that he is filled to the brim with emotion. He says he thinks about me constantly the entire night. I also can feel his focus and attention when I come back. It is sort of like he cannot do enough for me. He describes being jealous, worried, embarrassed/humiliated but also very excited. He says he gets very focused on me being happy. .  If it is a night where I have an "encounter" with my boyfriend I may share a little piece of the events with my husband. What I never, ever, would have known or even considered as a younger woman is how exciting this is for him - he can almost "beg" me for just the words about it. I can see how the "excitement" of it seems to over ride the humiliation

of it for him. Weird? I guess so!

In any event I feel like I could write on and on about this. I felt a bit "on the edge" when I first experimented with it - sort of that what in Gods' name are you doing! Are you out of your mind! It is hard to explain how this emerged - sort of from my natural dominance, his natural submissiveness and my natural flirtiness. It is not "all the time". But I do feel I have found a nice place for it in our lives. Maybe the oddest thing is that this really works. Not "just" my dating which feels like side event fun but really the life style aspect of it. I really thought and still do think that the term "slave" is not really right in our case.  However, we are not equal. My husband does work for me. I do "give orders". I do make near all decisions of consequence and I do decide on how we live. What is odd is that I myself would HATE being in his shoes and would not accept it for a New York second! However it feels right and "good" to him. It is something that makes us feel incredibly close -even if I cannot tell the neighbors!  Thankfully I do have a great Internet friend and also one or two girlfriends who I can share aspects of it with. I have to say it feels quite good to both of us and has become more "normal". 

I would love to hear thoughts.

-Mary

The Mind Fuck Orgasm (by AJ)

My husband had his second mindfuck orgasm last night!!!

I call it a mindfuck orgasm when his physical orgasm occurs spontaneously with absolutely and completely no sort of physical contact to either his cock or ass or any other part of his body when that occurs. His cock is fully locked up in his chastity device when this happens and he has not received any sort of direct physical stimulation in the immediate time leading up to that event. His orgasm just sort of occurs out of the blue as a natural result of sexual over stimulation to his mental faculties after he has been denied physical orgasms for an extended period of time.

The first and only other time he had one of these very special orgasms was back on September 30^th after he had gone 4 months and 13 days in total chastity with no orgasm. He was in the process of orally pleasuring me for an extended period of time when that had occurred. In the days leading up to that event, I had also sexually teased him much more heavily than normal both through various physical contact to parts of his body as well as saturating his brain with an extra heave dose of online porn which I had personally selected for his viewing pleasure. At the time, my goal with all of the extra tease was just that, to hyper tease him while he was in his denial. I had no idea that what I was doing then would lead to his first mindfuck orgasm that night. Since that occurred for that first time in September, I have been really intrigued if we could duplicate that sort of orgasm for him, and its been a bit of a personal quest and goal on my part to somehow trigger that miraculous event once again.

In 2019 I only plan on allowing my husband with 2 orgasms total for the entire year. These are planned orgasms which I gift him for extremely good behavior and exemplary services rendered during the course of the year. In 2018 and years prior, I had allowed him with about 4 orgasms a year, so for 2019 and going forward, I have cut his allotment down to half that. Anyhow, I know that 2 orgasms total for a year is a pretty good sacrifice on his part. That’s a lot of complete physical denial that he has to endure for me. Granted he gets loads of daily sexual tease every day from me in place of his orgasms, but still he gets no direct physical release except on those rare occasions, so it’s a sacrifice. Since I am sexually, mentally, and physically captivated and enthralled with the concept of him being able to achieve orgasm via the mind fuck, I don’t mind at all if he can supplement his twice a year more conventional orgasm allotment (those obtained through some sort of more conventional physical stimulation of his cock or prostate) with these special mind fuck orgasms – if he can work himself up into one and cum this way. I find the whole concept of the mind fuck orgasm extremely hot. I have to admit that I have been scheming up ways and methods to make these sorts of orgasms a more regular part of his diet. I just find it super intriguing that I am able to mush up his mind and body so completely that this spontaneous event occurs. It’s like the most extreme form of a compliment my husband can provide me sexually for going to all of the pains and work of keeping him chaste and edged throughout the year. In a way its like receiving my own very special sexual reward from him for a job well done. I don’t know how to really describe my fascination with his mind fuck orgasm but let’s just say it leaves me very moist every time I think about it.  My sexual fantasy is to “train” my husband to have these sort of orgasms more regularly, and then once trained so totally eliminate his conventional orgasms and to instead replace them 100% with just these mind fuck orgasms. This is my sexual fantasy. I don’t know if I will be ever able to make it a reality, but I like thinking about it!

Last night when he achieved his second mind fuck orgasm, his last orgasm prior to that occurred on Saturday October 6^th when I had let him cum inside my ass during a very rare penetrative sex experience for him (and an extremely rare anal penetration for me). So it took him 2 months and 22 days this time around to put himself into whatever sexual state of funk he needed to be in mentally to achieve that again. There were many similarities to this second orgasm and his first. Like the first time I was on top of his face and was grinding my holes into him while he orally satisfied me there. He had been licking for what I would say was about 20 minutes when this latest instance of his sexual miracle occurred. I had started him with licking my pussy by directing that area to his face and tongue and he had brought me to one orgasm that way. I had then re-positioned myself, so my ass was in his face and he was pleasuring me there instead. So, he was in the process of rimming my ass when this second event occurred. The first time it happened he was still eating out my pussy and not my ass. In both cases I was facing his caged cock while riding his face.  Like the first time, I felt him tense up unnaturally below me, felt his breathing pattern change and also felt the rhythm of his licking change as his mindfuck orgasm began to occur. This was my key in that something unusual might be happening again with him. I glanced down and saw his gentle little torrent of cum once again occurring. I turned and glanced back at his face and smiled broadly at him with genuine tears in my eyes (I was actually tearing up with emotion and joy) and verbally encouraged him onwards with his special orgasm with a few choice sexual expletives. After a little bit of verbal cheering, I re-ground my ass heavily back into his face and told him that he better get busy again with his licking. I kept an eye on his cock when I said and did that, and he responded by sending an additional little puff of cum out of his device when I commanded him –absolutely wonderful!!! I was so sexually worked up at this point myself that I worked my pussy back into his face and he quickly was able to bring me off to another orgasm! I dismounted my quivering self, off of his body. I was absolute jello both from the orgasms but more so mentally from what had just re-occurred. I scooped up all of his thick cum and slowly fed it to my husband. As I did so I complimented him on what a good “little girl” he was for coming for me this way and how proud and happy I was for him. I then put my mouth around his device and sucked it clean as a special extra treat for him. It was just another completely perfect sexual night for us both!

Leading up to our sex last night, I had like the first time, over stimulated his mind sexually through relentless teasing in the immediate day’s prior. My husband was burning up some of his residual time off for the year from work, so he was home most of this entire Christmas week. So he was fully at my disposal to try to turn his crazed little mind into complete sexual mush. I was running around the house in my red satiny Christmas panties and was otherwise proactively displayed for his viewing benefit for much of the week. Like wise I had him plugged for much of the week and wearing minimal clothing – as much as family and guests would allow as we went through the normal holiday routine. Every night I would select a handful of porn videos for him to watch while I toyed my bare foot on his caged cock. I think he found it painfully embarrassing to be “forced” to watch gay porn while I watched and observed his cock and body while he did so. I would say and make naughty observations while he watched. I made a point of calling him my little girl and slut a little more frequently and often throughout the week. This was all in addition to all of our normal nightly play where he given full access to my pussy and ass with his mouth. In short I made it an exceptionally “teaseful” week for my husband. His present wasn’t going to be a normal orgasm – we both knew it was still way too soon for that, but I at least wanted to gift him with some extra special attention – and I was just hoping … that just maybe…….

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 2019 has all of the signs of being a wonderful and exciting one in our household.

-AJ

Are All Women suitable for a FLR? (By Ron S)

Below is a guest post from Ron S, who is currently in a FLR with his wife and is a new guest writer on the blog. Enjoy.  -Mz Kaylee

Are All Women suitable for a FLR?

For all the men that desire to have their women lead the relationship, you have to first ask yourself, is she capable of doing so? Let’s examine some crucial points that are important for that to happen. First, and foremost, is that she should love you. It is the love she has for you that would make her even want to consider leading, and It is recognizing that love, that enables one to consider giving up control.

She should be intelligent and well educated with good problem solving and decision making skills, but mature enough to know her limitations. She should be smart enough, to recognize her man’s skills and knowledge in the relationship and use them to her advantage. It doesn’t matter that she earns less than him or that he has a better career. 

She must be trustworthy, that she can control important matters regarding life direction, finances, and relationship privacy. This would be determined by her demonstrating good judgment in past decision making. 

Sex, this is the main tool that women use to their advantage in most relationships, but especially those in female led ones. Let’s face it, we men are simple to keep happy.

We are quite content when our women are happy and our sexual needs are being met. An intelligent woman uses her mans sex drive to manipulate him to her advantage. The woman in an FLR should have a healthy sex drive, be creative, uninhibited and playful. She should also have the strength to be firm with her man when the situation calls for it, whether it be with her final decisions or perhaps doling out punishment. 

Now having said all that, some women are just not suitable to lead. This is because they are just happier following, either due to their lack of confidence, low self esteem, submissive nature, or cultural upbringing. Perhaps she has determined through their relationship, that he has better leadership and decision making skills.

But for the woman that embraces her leadership role, they will find a satisfying sex life, a doting partner, and enhanced confidence to deal with all issues of her life.

As an aside, the more one learns about female led relationships, the more you recognize which couples have it, even if it isn’t openly acknowledged as such. Once you know, you then begin to see women that have those qualities and potential to lead. Women capable of leading seem to project an aura of confidence.

I want to share a short story with you. Years ago I was visiting a successful optometrist friend, and he was showing me his new stereo. He told me how much he paid for it, then quickly said, don’t reveal the price to his wife, because he told her it was less than he actually paid. I looked at him and laughed, and said “man are you whipped” He had a successful business and his wife worked reception for him, but it was obvious that she called the shots. I didn’t know about FLR’s at the time, but now can see they were practicing one. It was one of a number of examples I saw with them. They did have a very good marriage of many years and seemed quite happy, and that’s what it is all about.

-Ron S.

A Year of Change and Growth in my Female Led Relationship (FLR)

With the New Year approaching, I can't help but reflect back on the past year. 2018 was a wonderful year for me in my female led relationship (FLR) with my husband; there was positive changes and growth for both of us.

The biggest area of growth for me was in being able to keep a consistent level of control and authority over Thomas throughout the year. There are times during the year when I get busy with work and other activities. I have always been challenged with exerting my leadership with Thomas during these times because I get so caught up in work and activities that I start to neglect him and we have less intimate time together. The effect on him is that he eventually slacks off on his chores a bit and does not pay as much attention to his required tasks and duties. I get too busy to notice and so it continues on. The communication between us also begins to break down and we don't talk as much. When communication breaks down, we both begin to internalize our feelings and not talk about them. I get frustrated at his poor performance and he gets upset at my lack of attention to him. This festers within us until finally someone breaks and an argument ensues.which always ends with a punishment for hm. This pattern seemed to happen at least once a year with us for the past few years.

The one fortunate thing with this pattern is that by nature of our FLR, we always eventually address the issue and do not let it fester too long and once the punishment is issued, all is forgiven and we are back on track again. In both traditional marriage and in a FLR, it is very easy for couples to get off track in their relationship due to other things getting in the way. It often takes work and effort to prevent this from happening or to ensure that when things start to get off track, you get back on track quickly. Although I get busy, I have some control over what makes me busy and it is also incumbent upon me to ensure that I am still effectively leading the household during those times. My marriage and family need to be priority one.

My husband was the one who identified this pattern happening every year and he brought it to my attention. I was proud of him for having the courage to bring this up to me and ask for change. Part of being an effective leader is listening and being able to accept feedback and make changes based on the feedback. Ironically, I have written quite a bit in my past posts about techniques for maintaining control and authority. I'm sure I wrote those because of the very challenges I was facing. Bottom line was that I already knew what to do. I just had to apply it to my marriage on a consistent basis. That is the hard part of course.

After talking it through with my husband, we agreed to commit to a weekly ritual once a week. I wrote about it in a past post so I won't go into details on it. The key point being that we were setting time aside once a week where I would be giving him direction and he would be completely submissive to me and pampering me. We have done similar things in the past. I've done regular discipline sessions and we frequently have nights where he pampers me. What was different was my commitment to do this every week regardless of how busy things got in the household. That is where the breakdown occurred in the past with us. In the past once things got busy, the disciplines session and pampering time would get missed one week and then another week and soon they were not happening. In the past year, I ensured this did not happen. When I was busy or tired, I may have only spent 5 minutes on the ritual, but I made sure it happened. Those 5 minutes were a game changer for us.

In addition to the weekly ritual, I made a conscious effort over the last year to give Thomas a few rubs" and specific orders or criticism during the week. Again, these are things that I already do regularly and have written about in my past blogs as advice to others. It was only during my busy times that I stopped doing them. This past year, I made the effort to do these things during my busy time. There were also a few new things I instituted that helped. I started him on a transition routine when he comes home from work (see my Sept. 2018 post on Transitioning From Work to Hone). The routine helps him stay focused on serving me and the required routine is a small way for him to feel my authority when I am not present. It's a bit of a filler when I do not have the time to spend with him. Also on weekends I make him chauffeur me around to do errands and shopping. This way we are spending time together. It is much more enjoyable to have my helper with me during errands :).  He can carry my bags and drop me off at the door. He also helps me find things so the errands go much quicker.

I am happy to say that we did not have a big argument and associated punishment since the changes were made. Thomas has been exceptional with his obedience to me. It has also been a big positive for me. I enjoy spending the time with him and he has been helping me get things done. It's actually a bit of a stress reliever for me and we are both much happier during the busy times. This has been a tremendous break through for me. With just a few small changes and a small amount of time each week, there was a big positive impact to our relationship and on my day-to-day work load. I think the experience also validates that submissive men are most productive and happy when they are under a constant veil of authority and structure. Thomas was still submissive and obedient to me when my attention to him was lacking but his performance was not up to standard and he was not as happy (I sense many of the male readers of this blog are in the same situation). However, when I am consistently dominant with him and hold him accountable, he is glowing and more than eager to please me.

Another change that occurred this year was assigning him more of the laundry duty. Thomas does most of the chores, but I've always held off on having him do laundry. He would put the clothes away but I always washed and dried them. If you have kids that play sports, you know that laundry is a never ending task. It is endless. I was always concerned about having Thomas do all the laundry because of the amount of time and work involved in keeping up with it. He works more hours than I do and already does most of the chores. However, in our discussions about the "busy times," Thomas offered to do more things to help me so I did not feel as tired or stressed. There of course is a motive to his madness. It's not the first time he has offered to take on more work. Deep down, I know his ultimate goal is to get me to spend more time with him; I know he is hoping for more teasing from me, more sexual and dominant play, and for him to be able to give me more orgasms. It all circles back to  one of the foundational principles of a formal FLR in which the wife motivates the husband through controlling his sexual desires. More validation that this is what submissive men want. Let's see... more orgasms for me versus me doing chores? I decided to take him up on his offer.

I stated with having him do a load of laundry one or two days a week. Training him was quite  fun for both of us but I think he was a bit surprised at how quickly I transitioned the entire laundry duty to him. Now he washes, dries, hangs up, and puts away all the laundry. I will still jump in and do a load every now ant then to help keep up but he does most of it.  I love it! It frees up my time and I feel less busy and less tired. This has enabled me to give him more attention at night so it has been a positive for both of us.

There were several other small changes and things we tried during the year. Overall I felt like 2018 was a year where our relationship grew stronger and my dominance increased over him. I feel like we always grow a little each year and some year's there are bigger changes or breakthroughs. This past year was one of those breakthrough years for me. Who knows what the next year holds for us. I've been thinking a lot about getting Thomas a chastity device. As of now, it is not something that I want him in  24/7 but I think it would be fun and thrilling to lock-up him up for short-periods of time. I know it would blow his mind and the thought of locking up his cock his exciting to me. We'll see where that goes.

Happy New Year to all of you. I hope 2019 is a great year for you.

-Mz Kaylee