The Annual New Year's Resolution Post

I have re-published this post from last year, with a few updates.  Enjoy!

This is the time of year that many people look forward to the coming year and think about what will they do better and how will they improve as a person. The typical resolutions you hear year-after-year include:

• Exercise more
• Eat healthier
• Be a better person
• Save more money
• Spend more time with family
• Get a new job
• Quit smoking

Wouldn't it be great if people thought about resolutions for their marriage?  It's not something I ever thought of until I transitioned to a WLM. One of the fascinating things for me about WLM, is that I am constantly assessing and re-assessing how things are working and looking for ways to make the WLM better (i.e. what can hubby do more of to make my life better :). If you don't do this, well I highly recommend that you do.

With a new year starting, there is no better time to take a step back and assess how the WLM is going, and then look forward and think about how you want your WLM to be in the next year. If your WLM went off the tracks and fell to the wayside, the New Year is a great excuse to bring it back to the forefront and try it again or revive it. Maybe you are not in a WLM, but you have been thinking about giving it a try. Now is the time to dive in! And if your WLM is humming along good, there's always room to try new things to keep the marriage exciting and fun. I enjoy trying new things throughout the year or changing up some of the rules and routines. It is fun and it helps keep Thomas motivated to serve me.

For the dominant wife, think about:

• What can I do better to motivate him to obey me and be my ideal submissive husband?
• What can I have him do to make my life better? 
• Added chores, activities, and/or responsibilities
• Better attitude; more listening.
• Being more proactive in serving you
• More pampering
• How can I be more dominant and strict with my husband?
• How can I add more structure to the WLM in a way that caters to his submissive desires while making my life easier?
• What new rituals or routines can I add to increase his devotion to me and improve his performance?
• Are there rules and routines that should be eliminated because they are just not adding value or to make room for new rules and routines?

When thinking about these questions and what you want, also think about specific actions you can do to make your resolutions and goals happen. Then set specific goals of how you will improve your WLM and dominance over your husband, and the steps you will take to achieve these goals. It's important to be specific and to identify the steps to achieve your goals. This will increase the probability that you will follow-through on your goals. For example, suppose your overall goal is to be more strict with your husband. If you set that goal and did not think about anything else, you are not likely to achieve the goal because it's very general and you've not identified the action items you need to do to be more strict. A better way to write the goal is: 

I will be more strict with my husband by doing the following:

• Telling him what to do and not asking
• Making a weekly list of tasks for him to complete 
• Providing him feedback immediately when I am not satisfied with his performance
• Disciplining or punishing him when he slacks off or disobeys.
• Holding him to high expectations.

The above goal is specific and contains action items and therefore, sets a clear path for you to achieve the goal, as well as measure how well you are progressing to achieving it. It is also important to write your goals down. Those who write their goals down are more likely to achieve them. Writing out your goals also provides a mechanism for you to review your goals regularly so that you stay on target. On a monthly basis, read through your goals to refresh what your plan is and refocus as needed. Finally make sure your goals are achievable. Don't try to do too much at once, or you'll stress yourself out. Think about spreading things out over the year.  I like to break the year up into quarters (every 3 months). If you want to keep it simple set goals for the first half of the year and goals for the second half of the year. Here's an example of quarterly goals:  Q1 (Jan-Mar): Become more strict, Q2 (Apr - Jun): Train him to do the laundry, Q3 (Jul - Sep): By September, he will be able to go 1 month without orgasm, Q4 (Oct - Dec): He will bathe me at least once a week. 

Don't get too worked up if you get off track or if something does not work out the way you planned. It's ok to be flexible and adjust goals if your situation changes. The key is to regularly review your goals and get back on track if you've gone off the rails a bit. Believe me, my WLM has gone off the rails several times in the past. The way I got back on track was to reset and re-establish rules and routines with Thomas. Usually I started with a punishment or tough discipline session with Thomas because that always gets him to refocus. Something I learned over the years is that the sooner you react to issues or challenges, the easier it is to recover and that it is never to late to get back on track. For example, In the goal above, I listed 5 action items. Suppose you started off the year and only did one action item. Don't let that discourage you. That is still progress. Doing one thing is better than doing none. Instead of giving up or beating yourself up over not doing the other four items, keep moving forward with the goal and try to do more.

It is rewarding when you set goals and achieve them, and for the WLM, it has a very positive impact on you and your marriage. Every year, I feel like my WLM progresses to a new and exciting level and that my husband and I grow closer together. When I look back over the years, I am amazed and how far I have come as a dominant wife and how much our marriage has changed for the better. It does not happen by itself. It takes commitment and planning, especially in the early years, but the payoff is well worth it.

Happy New Year!

-Mz Kaylee

Follow-up post to "How Has Your FLR Progressed?" (Guest post by Buttercup)

Below is a post that was submitted to me by Buttercup, a Female leader, in response to my post earlier this year, asking how everyone’s FLR has progressed over time. It is wonderful and enlightening to hear other peoples real life experiences with FLR. Thank you Buttercup for sharing.  -Mz Kaylee 

 

It was just over a year ago that my BB (Bitch Boy) asked to move our interludes playing with a FLR into a 24/7 lifestyle.  In many ways it was an unknown destination that had been part of our 25 year marriage for a long time. Yet, it was still a shock to both of us to take the step and make the commitment. The longest we had gone with BB in chastity prior to this request was 8 months.  It had ended in a heated argument and extreme frustration on both our parts.

 

BB’s sexuality has been the driving force behind our early adoption of chastity as play and now the FLR.  I would say that up until a year ago my greatest contribution has been a willingness to participate in dress up and role-play scenes without (too much) judgement of his submissive mindset.  I never identified myself as dominant but some experimentation took me out of the submissive camp early on. But our play always revolved around the “fantasy.” His – not mine.  Me in corsets, and heels – teasing and denying him right to the edge. And then repeat.

 

It has taken me a long time to really wrap my head around the concept of a FLR.  There were many reasons for this but primarily:

1) it was always “play” and didn’t really extend to me having full control over anything

2) in “regular” life, BB has a very forceful, type ‘A’ personality that created certain dynamics in our relationship that aren’t easily set aside

3)I am, by nature, a giver and want to do for others. Demanding service from BB has required a significant mind shift.

 

Nevertheless, after two years of Covid and on the cusp of having teenagers ready to leave the nest, both of us were taking stock of what we wanted for the next phase of our life.  This was part of the lead up to the conversation of adopting a full time FLR. This may also be the right point to interject that monogamy as a concept was never something I fully understood or embraced.  BB’s absolute disinterest in any form of discussion on the subject boxed it into the fantasy category but a restlessness persisted in me – especially during the doldrums of child rearing.

 

It was a game changer that, when BB approached me about a full-time FLR, he acknowledged that full-control extended to my sexual exploration as well as his. If I wanted to take a lover, for example, he would have no choice but accept it. In my eyes this raised the stakes and levelled the playing field.  Finally, I could truly see something truly in it for ME. 

 

Now, since that time, I’ve realized that an FLR offers many things for me.  But that was definitely the hook.

 

A year later we have made a lot of progress turning our FLR into a workable lifestyle. We still have one child at home so our shifts have had to be subtle and often behind closed doors.  There have been a couple heated blow-ups but both of us agree that there is no “going back.” We can only continue forward in whatever form our relationship takes.  BB freely admits he is better under my control. And I, as his Queen, continue to broaden my control and flex my power while exploring the outer edges of my personal boundaries.

 

There are ebbs and flows to this dynamic like any relationship. But, our FLR is a constant topic of discussion between us.  What’s working, what’s not?  How do we manage it when one of us is away? How to keep BB in a submissive mindset? How often does he get to orgasm? What is the role of punishment and discipline? And of course, what about moving into a non-monogamous lifestyle (for me anyway)? I’ve decided that non-monogamy is something we’re not quite ready for.  There are too many kinks still to work out in our day-to-day FLR but it’s an exciting possibility on the horizon.

 

This move to an FLR has made us both feel like we’re embarking on a brand new relationship – even though we’ve been married for almost half our lives. The problems that we have, feel like good problems instead of a tired rehashing of the same marital conversations.  We have more honesty now with each other than at any other time of our relationship and our sexual chemistry has only gotten better. 

 

As BB’s Queen, the next 25 years will be under my control.  This is my world now – he just gets to live in it.

-Buttercup

The Strange and Exciting Submissive Male

This post is a culmination of all the things I’ve learned about submissive men through my own experience with my husband, through hours and hours of reading I have done on FLRs/Femdom, and through the many people whom I’ve corresponded with over the years since I started “Femdom Think Tank.”  I was inspired to write this post from recent comments on the blog bout how chastity devices were barbaric and cruel. I often see comments on my posts where people say I am not loving or that they feel sorry for my husband. When I see these comments, it is obvious to me that they are from people who are not naturally submissive and do not understand the submissive mind. They don’t understand that there are thousands of men who dream of being locked in chastity and being held captive by a female. It is just how the submissive mind works! I can tell you with 100% confidence that my husband is happy and is living out his fantasy. He would be depressed if we went back to a normal marriage. There is also no debate that our marriage is loving. We are a very close couple and are very much in love with each other. Having a WLM has made us communicate with each other more frequently and openly and has strengthened the bond between us. I can understand how those who are not submissive would react in a negative way to some of the more extreme forms of domination. Hopefully this post will bring some understanding that female domination in a loving relationship is not about being cruel but is an expression of love. Enjoy! -Mz Kaylee

I believe that many men are naturally wired to be submissive. They are born this way. The Natural Born Submissive man thinks very differently about women and sex compared to other men. It is almost as if they live in a parallel universe…a 4th dimension. At first these submissive men just barely touch on that 4th dimension. It lives in their daydreams and fantasies. If they are lucky enough, they discover a female who taps into their submission and they are slowly or perhaps quickly immersed into this parallel universe.

Natural Submissive Men (NSM) have a much different attitude toward females and sexual situations compared to other men. They are on the shy side when it comes to sexual or intimate situations with new females. NSMs are hesitant to make the first move and are secretly hoping she does. In their fantasies, the women are almost always dominant towards them. The NSM fantasizes mostly about a woman strongly coming onto them or that the female is forcing them into a sexual or humiliating situation. Being tied up or captured by the female may be a recurring fantasy. As they delve deeper into their submissive fantasies, and become highly aroused, their fantasies become more bizarre or extreme. Some common themes that can become arousing for the NSM are being feminized, bound and spanked, teased about their small cock, treated like a dog, or being forced to eat their cum or drink their pee. Are these fantasies that non-submissive men have? Probably not. I’d venture a guess that most men would find these fantasies to be ridiculous and off-putting. The NSM may feel ashamed after masturbating to these fantasies but he can never stop himself from having such bizarre fantasies.

So far I’ve just touched on the fantasy aspects of the NSM. It is unfortunate that a lot of these men never make it past the fantasy stage because of social norms that make them feel embarrassed or afraid to admit their submissive desires to a female. I would also imagine it is a challenge to find females willing to entertain these desires. For those men who are lucky enough to find a female who is willing to tap into his submission….well that’s when things get real interesting….That’s when they move into that parallel universe.

The NSM has a deep burning desire to feel controlled and manipulated by a female. Succumbing to her authority is arousing to him. Being seduced by her into doing something humiliating or against his will is arousing to him. The particular scenarios that excite him may vary from one man to another but the overarching idea of being seduced or manipulated is what arouses naturally submissive men. So a common theme here is arousal. Yes, the NSM is highly driven by his dick. Of course, that is the one thing he has in common with most men (Ha! ha!). The difference is that NSM’s arousal is derived from being submissive whereas other men are aroused by more typical sex scenarios. In fact, the submissive scenarios would likely be a turn-off to other men and seem bizarre and even cruel. On the flip side, the typical man’s fantasy may seem too dull or normal to the submissive man.

So the NSM who connects with a dominant woman, suddenly finds that some of his fantasies become his reality. He craves for his girlfriend/wife/Mistress to be strict with him. He wants to be punished. He wants to be spanked and humiliated by her. These things give him an erotic rush. His desire for the rush is so strong and he knows these things are not typical and so he is willing to do whatever it takes to please the woman in order to experience these things. Her acknowledgement of his submissiveness and kinks is acceptance of him, and that make him feel good.

The exciting and a bit dangerous thing about submission, is that it is addictive. When a female taps into his submission, it is exciting for him and it is never enough. The more she taps into it, the more he wants it. This is what creates power for the female. The dominate female uses that power to force obedience from the submissive. This is where we enter the 4th dimension that is highly misunderstood by those who are not submissive or dominant. In this dimension, humiliation, manipulation, and punishment are accepted and part of the norm. Orgasm control, and yes – locking up his dick, are not only accepted, but are exciting aspects of the relationship for many people.

The smart dominant woman uses these tools to motivate her man to serve her, work hard for her, and elevate her to a Goddess status. It is not cruel at all. Quite the contrary it is a win-win…a perfect symbiosis. He gets to live out his fantasies and she gets to live like a Queen. Furthermore, when he is in a meaningful relationship and channels his submissive craving towards serving his partner, suddenly his need for domination becomes meaningful and fulfilling as opposed to just empty fantasies.

I refer to it all as a parallel or 4th dimension, because to the typical person, the inner workings of a FLR seems cruel, strange, and perverted. However, when you are in this parallel universe, immersed into a loving female led relationship, these “strange and cruel” things are actually motivators and acts of love. My husband lives in this parallel universe. It always amazes me at how much he wants to feel my control. He thinks about it and desires it on a daily basis. Orgasm control and the use of longer term orgasm denial has made his desire to be controlled even stronger. When I tease his cock to the brink of orgasm over and over again, his mind transforms and he wants to be completely dominated, humiliated and manipulated. This is his sub-space. It is like the more perverted or more extreme the humiliation I exert, the more exciting it is for him. When he is in sub-space, I can make him do or agree to just about anything. It is exciting for him and it is exciting for me to have complete control over him.

By the time I’ve pushed my husband into that subspace, I am also highly aroused because it is exciting for me to see him consumed in his arousal and completely subservient to me. Most times, I will take advantage of the situation by ordering him to pleasure me ins some way or I will be very dominant during sex, using him like my own personal sex toy. It always makes for great sex. While that is a fantastic scenario for him, it is not his ideal outcome. Remember, in his crazed aroused state, he desires perversion or humiliation. On Some occasions I will entertain that desire. I may gag him with my used panties or order him to worship my ass with his tongue or I may take him over my lap and spank him with my riding crop. I’ve collared and leashed him and walked him around like a dog. Making him stand perfectly still while I inspect his body is another fun thing to do. Something totally unexpected that I discovered, is often times these weird kinky moments become deeply intimate and bring us closer together as couple.  Weird right? If I had not experienced it, I would not believe it myself but it is true and I have had others share that they have experienced the same type of emotional bonding. My sense is that the willingness of both partners to let go of their inhibitions and be vulnerable with each other, allows them to connect on a deep level. It is amazing and very exciting.

It seems to me (and I could be wrong), that this deep level of intimacy with female domination can only occur in relationships where there is trust and love. When there is both trust and love, each person can completely open up and be vulnerable without concern. I mentioned earlier that the nature of NSM can be dangerous. NSM are vulnerable to strong dominant women and if a woman has bad intentions, then NSM are susceptible to be taken advantage by her and to being hurt. For this reason, it is important for the male in a newer FLR to set boundaries and approach the FLR with caution.

However, the naturally submissive man who finds himself in a loving female led relationship, will find bliss and fulfillment is serving and yielding to her. He knows that her dominance and control are acts of love.

-Mz Kaylee

How Has Your FLR Progressed?

In many of the comments and in some of the profiles on this blog, people often mention they are new to the Female Led Relationship (FLR) lifestyle or just starting out.  I like to hear that those new to exploring FLR are visiting my blog, because the main purpose of my blog is to teach others about FLR and help them along in their journey of discovering the greatness of FLR.

I'd like to hear from those of you that have recently started a FLR (within the last 5 years). How have you been moving along in your FLR journey? What are things that you like and what are your biggest challenges and frustrations. Are you stuck?  If anyone has given up on the lifestyle and are still checking in with this blog, please share why you gave it up.  

If you comment, please indicate how long ago you started experimenting with FLR. Those more experienced in FLR are welcome to comment as well.

-Mz Kaylee

Turning My Husband Into a Cuckold (Guest post by Debbie)

My husband, David, and I are in a long established Female-led relationship. Even before we were married I wore the pants. David did the all the chores and handled the bill paying routine. He also helped my mother with chores, chauffeuring, what ever she needed. It's a lot of work and he frequently fell behind. Add to that, David earned relatively little compared to my earnings. Mom and I talked it over and decided David was quitting his job to be a full-time housekeeper. . We didn't need his pittance of a salary. David jumped into his new situation - what else could a submissive guy want?

Sounds good, doesn't it? Well it's not. David may please me as a housekeeper but he's a real loser in the bed room. When it comes to sex David doesn't make me happy and I told him that. He's a beta guy. Blue pills, therapy, and laser treatments don't make a difference. Vibrators and even a sex machine are nice but women want a real man in bed. David wasn't a real man. He wasn't pleasing me AND isn't pleasing the wife what an FLR is all about? I was going to start dating other men and David was just going to have to live with it! A guy in work, Rob, a real stud, had been giving me lots of attention. “I think he wants to fuck me and I can't see why not.” At first David was taken back. I assured him that he was fantastic housekeeper and that my seeing other men wasn't going to change that part of our relationship. What would change was that he was now my cuckold, defined as the husband of a woman who had sex with men outside her marriage. The woman in such a relationship is a Cuckoldress or a Cuck-Queen. There are many variations on the term and the practice of cuckolding - just query the term and see - but for purposes of our relationship the definitions, above, are it. Historically a cuckoldry was looked upon with scorn but no more - many of my girlfriends cuckold their husbands/boyfriends. The modern empowered woman has choices in the bedroom and will do as she pleases. David was to have nothing to do with my dating - Nothing! My dating is strictly my business. He agreed. I felt a surge of power - this was real control. I called Rob to set up our first date.

I sent David off to Mom's to do housework. I wanted mom to gauge David's acceptance of being a cuckold. I didn't want to lose my housekeeper but I wasn't going to stop seeing other men, either.

David has a great relationship with my mother, regarding her as a Goddess. She brought up the topic of cuckolding, asking how he felt about his wife dating other guys. Not surprisingly, he had no objections, and only wanted me to be happy. Mom told him that cuckolding wasn't all that unusual. Many men have wives who slept with other men and that their marriages were stronger as a result. Her late husband was a cuckold and her son-in-law is, too. And there others, many others. Empowered women in the workforce and in society in general were likely to have men on the side. David came to see that my being attractive to other men as a compliment.

So Rob and I set up a date - he was to pick me up at our home the following Friday. I took off that day to get my hair, makeup, and nails done. Mom picked up David and took him home to do chores - I didn't want him involved with Rob. After Mom and David left I went into my bedroom to finish dressing. On my bed as a beautifully wrapped box. I unwrapped it to find a black club dress and lace top nylons with a note “have a great evening - David”

-Debbie

More on Cuckolding (Debbie's experience)

There has certainly been a lot of interest and chatter on the topic of cuckolding among the readers of this blog. If you've not read the comments in the last post on cuckolding, please do. The discussion has been enlightening. I'm delighted to share another real world experience of cuckolding from Debbie. Debbie is a regular reader of the blog and has submitted a few guests posts in the past. After reading through the comments on cuckolding, she was kind enough to share how cuckolding works in her marriage. Thanks so much Debbie!  Here is her post:

I came across Mary's comments concerning cuckolding and felt it was a good opportunity to share some of my experiences with cuckolding David. David loves the submissive lifestyle and the F/m rythms of our daily lives.

Why Cuckolding? In short, David is inadequate in the bedroom, little blue pills not withstanding. He's fantastic at oral sex but I need a man inside of me to be fully satisfied - David wasn't meeting my needs - and he knew it - so I looked outside. Honestly though, I'd cuckold him even if he was more sexually capable, I love the excitement of another man. I traveled a lot on business - so did David - and this gave me opportunities for sex - lots of it.  On more than one occasion David called my hotel room only to have a guy answer. David would get excited by such encounters. No, initially, I didn't tell David but, as I said, he knew. And, our prenuptial agreement, set the stage for cuckolding since it said I could have 'friends' and this meant BOY friends as far as I was concerned!  Additionally, there was some precedent in my family since mom had boyfriends and was pretty open about it. 

Cuckolding was a thing with us going back to David and I having nights out together.Getting ready for an evening out was a big deal. He loved suggesting an outfit, usually something like a club dress with a plunging neckline and high hem line. Guys would hit o on me and David was such a sweetheart about it. A guy would come up to me at the bar and David would excuse himself leaving me alone with the guy to talk and dance. David would sit across the bar and enjoy watching me have fun. I don't know if he ever felt humiliated; he never said so. He seemed to enjoy the attention I was receiving.

Nevertheless, I wanted to come out with my dating but wasn't sure how he'd react. I was tired of having guys on the road or when David was out of town. One day when David was at my mother's cleaning the house she casually mentioned that her married daughter had a boyfriend who she was seeing regularly. David's only response was an excited, “Oh, that's nice!”. It set the stage for my being open about boyfriends.

He'd done some shopping, buying a new club dress, a pair of heels, and some expensive perfume. David helped me dress, fit-to-kill, right down to spraying some of the expensive perfume he'd bought on my panties. When Rob arrived I sent David to his room. He was as excited as I was, but he had concerns. He didn't want to meet Rob and I assured him he wouldn't have to; like Mary I totally separate David and my boyfriends. I told him it was “only a date” and added that this wasn't much different from our going clubbing. I told him Rob and I were going to dinner and then to his's place. The date was fantastic; Rob was tremendous in bed. When Rob dropped me off at 2:00 AM David was there to greet me with a mixed drink. As excited as ever David wanted to know about my date but I told him it was “my little secret”. I never give David any details about my dates He told me he only wanted me to be happy and I assured him I was but that he could make me happier. I pulled up my dress, took off my panties, and sat on the couch. David knew what to do and he knelt between my legs and did a fantastic job eating my pussy. WOW! If that's not worshiping a woman I don't know what is.

What have I learned? Well, a lot:

• Cuckolding is a thing to both of us; he accepts it to the point where he is open about it within our circle of friends

• David is concerned about our marriage and his submissive lifestyle. He doesn't want this to change and neither do I. I don't want to lose my housekeeper!

• David has accepted that he comes up short in bed and that I need other men to fill the void.

• Getting ready is a big deal and David loves preparing me for a date. He's really into it picking everything right down to the shade of my pantyhose. If I tell David I'm going to dinner with 'a friend' he'll pack clothes for me for the evening as well as for the next business day.

Rob and I are a number, regularly dating and going to dinner and the clubs. We've even vacationed together, going to Vegas and on a cruise together. Rob and I have an open relationship and agreed we can each see other. It's good since I love the excitement of a new man now and again. And David? He's totally accepting of my dating regarding it as the ultimate submission. That's nice since I do too. He's rather proud of my being attractive to other men.

More later,

Debbie

insight Into The Cuckolding Dynamic - A Real-life Experience

In this post, I am sharing an excerpt of an e-mail exchange I had with a fellow Goddess, Mary. Mary has been in a WLM for several years and not too long ago started to dabble with cuckolding. Cuckolding is not something I participate in and so I always enjoy hearing from Mary on how things are evolving with her and her husband with the cuckolding. I find the dynamic fascinating. I thought the excerpt below captured the real emotion and evolution that occurs in a cuckolding relationship and I thought it would be helpful for other to read and learn about. Super special thanks to Mary for giving me permission to publish some of her personal thoughts.  Enjoy!  -Kaylee

Excerpt from my e-mail from Mary:

What I did NOT realize and still am figuring out is that it (cuckolding) gave him deep emotions like nothing I have ever seen. I think it has surprised him as well.

At first it was more of a "this might be fun and he is okay with it". What has emerged is much more than that. First of all - yes! It is definitely fun. But the dicey area is how would this play out. I had half thought that this might be a "one and done" sort of thing. What I found is that instead of an angry or alienated husband (when I came home) - I found him super engaged, curious, nervous, shy, excited, embarrassed and who knows what else. He has talked to me about his emotions around this. He says it is unlike anything he has ever experienced in his entire life. He said it is deep, complicated and feels (as he put it) like "landing on Mars".

I have sort of "checked" his emotional state closely along the way. Again, my general expectation is I would need end this fairly quickly and that it would be "checked off" as a bit of out of the box fun - contemporary/modern day craziness. It was that. But it has become more. I think the way to say it is - I have learned to "involve him". I am not into "threesomes" with these two (at least not at this time it just does not appeal). I also have kept him very separate from my boyfriend. (I know that this may go differently with some women who are into this).

But for me it has been a total separation between husband and boyfriend - at least physically.

What I have learned is that there is something 'in this' for my husband. Honestly - I think he initially found that embarrassing - that it was "ok" with him. I think it makes him nervous but I also think that is part of the thrill. I also think it feels like the ultimate submission to him. It is like other things (forms of submission to me) but way more so. Humbling. I mean good god!

Really?!

So, I have basically found (to my surprise) that the more I share with him the better. That does not mean that there is not a part of this that is totally between me and my boyfriend - there definitely is. However, I have found emotionally pulling my husband "in" before and after is a crazy and amazing thing. Before it is simple things - where we are going, will anyone else be there, what sort of venue, and me getting dressed - me "prepping" is a big deal. At first I did not get it. But now I realize it has become a "thing". He gets washed with emotions. Excitement, fear, embarrassment, lust, etc. etc. Kaylee, it is VERY wild to see. In the beginning I had to "reassure" a lot. - "it is okay" "I won't be gone that long", "you have things to do". Now that is different. Now that I see how it is and it has become more "normal" ("normal" maybe a stretch, lol!).

But the wildest part is when I return. Usually same night but not always. Kaylee, this is crazy. I don't totally know what is going on here. My husband and I have absolutely some of the best sex I have, ever, ever, ever, had when I return. It is usually pretty "role reversal submissive/dominant" kind of sex - but it is really, really, satisfying. He eats me like a starving man. Literally starving. He usually enjoys eating me. But this is like he is STARVING and literally cannot get enough. He would do it for hours and has come on the carpet while eating me like this! (without me laying a finger on him!!).

So - what this is? I don't know. I have learned to "share more". I had to learn that this was "good/ok". But it is. I literally tell him about it. All about it. It has become a "ritual" after I return.

Like the man WAITS for it. I did not totally get this at first. I sort of got it. But I am telling you - it is like a total "thing" for him.

There are two other things I realized. Him "liking this" (loving it?) does not mean it is not humiliating to him. I asked him about that quite directly. He cannot really explain it. He says he feels in a way it is "increasing" for him - meaning the excitement and the humiliation are blending and all one big emotional "thing". He CLEARLY is excited about it but also nervous, shy, embarrassed. Wild how it all is.

Lastly - some of our very, very, deepest emotional connections have been "afterwards". He literally clings to me and after we spend some time together it is like he wants to do all he can for me.

Absolute Power

There has been good discussion going on in the comments section of the cuckolding posts. It is great to see the topic debated and so many different view points. Thanks to those of you who are participating and I hope the discussion continues and we see similar participation on other topics. It is the discussions that validate the "realness" of the topic and that this is not just crazy fantasy. Often times there are meaningful learning points that come from the comments. The discussions also tend to lead to other interesting topics. My post below was inspired by such as comment. In the discussion of cuckolding, f-sub had raised the following question:

"In a WLM is the wife's power and authority limited in any way at all? Because if the answer is "no" then that is pretty much the definition of an abusive relationship"

In the content of the cuckolding discussion, the question refers to whether or not the wife can decide to date other guys regardless of what her husband wants. Below I will discuss this question in a  terms of the Wife Led Marriage (WLM) as a whole and also address it specific to cuckolding. Thank you f-sub for raising this question. It is a complex dynamic and a dynamic worth diving into to better understand.

I'll start by acknowledging that WLMs can be abusive. With any relationship there is potential for abuse. However, an abusive relationship is caused by the behavior of an individual and not by the type of relationship. A wife can have unlimited power and authority over her husband and not be abusive. In a WLM, should the wife have unlimited power and authority over her husband? Ideally Yes.

A key principle of a WLM is that the husband willingly yields to his wife and gives her full authority over him.Three needs to be a desire by the husband to submit to his wife, obey her, and accept her authority over him. However, this principle alone does not define the WLM. For the WLM to be successful there also needs to a commitment from the wife to lead the marriage in a way that is in the best interest of the relationship. The relationship needs to be rooted in love, respect and trust. If all these things exist, then the relationship will be most fulfilling when the wife has absolute authority and power over the husband.

A wife who loves and respects her husband would not force him into a situation that will make him deeply unhappy. A healthy marriage is about doing things together as a couple, enjoying life together, and making each other happy. In a healthy and mature WLM, the husband yields completely to his wife and trusts that she will take care of him and the wife leads by taking into consideration his needs and desires and doing things that will make him happy.

Having authority over a person does not mean that you make all the decisions for that person or that you are being completely self serving in everything that you do. In a WLM having authority means the wife gets to have the final say in all decisions if she desires. In my marriage there are many decisions that I make without consulting Thomas, there are decisions that I consult with him on and there are decisions that I allow him to make on his own. In all cases I always have the right to final say in a decision and Thomas accepts my decision even if it is not what he wants.

The man's needs and desires are important. If the wife does not take care of these, then the husband will become unhappy and will lose his motivation to submit to her or be motivated for the wrong reasons. I have seen where some men proclaim this mantra, that all that matters is what the wife wants. I believe many of them are sincere with this statement, but the only way they can be sincere is if they are already in an environment where their core needs and desires are being met. If the wife suddenly changed course and forced the husband over and over again to do something he completed hated or that disgusted him, would he still believe in this mantra? Probably not.

While I am stating that the husband's needs and desire are important, I also want to make it clear that in the WLM the wife's needs and desires take priority over the husband's. No doubt there will be many times where the husband is not happy with a decision made by the wife and times where the husband wants to do something that the wife does not permit. He should obey her and accept her decision. That is the commitment he made when agreeing to submit to her.

I want to make a distinction between what I just said and my statement earlier in the post in which I said the wife would not force her husband into a situation that will make him deeply unhappy.  There is a big difference between being unhappy and being deeply unhappy.  In any relationship there are going to be disagreements and times where one person is unhappy with the outcome. The unhappiness is not pleasant but usually short-lived and the unhappy person eventually moves on and puts it behind them.This is a normal part of a WLM, but the difference between a traditional marriage and a WLM is that in the WLM, the wife gets the final say and therefore should never end up being the unhappy person. I'd also guess that in the WLM, the unhappiness is very short-lived because the husband is accepts his wife's decision and does not spend a lot of time sulking over it.

When something makes a person deeply unhappy and not just unhappy, it is an issue for the relationship. Deeply unhappy, in the context of my post, is when something has a long-lasting impact on a person and it strongly affects their mood, attitude, or outlook on life. Decisions that negatively affect a person's morals and core beliefs are examples that can have this effect. Cuckolding fits into this category. If either the husband or wife are not comfortable with cuckolding, then it should not be done.

When a wife decides to take a position of control and authority over he husband, it comes with the responsibility of taking care of him and ensuring he remains healthy, safe, and happy.  Honestly, I can not imagine why a wife would want anything different. I want my husband to be happy.  I married him because I love him and his happiness is important to me.

A WLM is not something to enter into lightly.  Before you marry someone, it is important that you spend a tremendous amount of time getting to know them and ensuring your likes, beliefs. and morals are compatible. A marriage should not occur unless there is love, trust, and caring between the couple. The same applies to a WLM. 

In the WLM, the wife should have complete authority and control over the husband. It may take time for this to happen. In many cases, like mine, the wife is not ready for this.  It took me many years before I understood what it meant and before I was comfortable accepting this responsibility.  In other cases, the husband may not be ready to completely yield to his wife in all aspects of his life. It is a journey that both husband and wife experience together. As the journey progresses, both husband and wife evolve and move toward the ideal state. At least, that's how it felt for my husband and I.

Every couple has a different journey.  Some move through it slowly, others speed through it.  Some may even find a happy balance halfway there. My own experiences tell me that the closer you can get to complete authority and submission, the more fulfilling and exciting the WLM will be.

-Mz Kaylee

A First Time Cuckolding Experience (By Debbie)

Please welcome our next guest poster, Debbie. Debbie was kind enough to share some background about her WLM with her husband David and their early foray into cuckolding. Thanks Debbie! Enjoy.....


I'm in a woman-led marriage with my submissive husband, David. I'm not new to femdom. My mother and aunt exercised iron clad authority telling their husbands what to do, how to do it, and when. And if their husbands didn't follow suit there was absolute hell to pay. Neither my mom or aunt worked outside the home but they didn't work inside the home either. Mom didn't do housework; she'd say she didn't want to risk breaking a nail doing something that her husband should be doing. Chores were strictly the responsibility of their husbands. Mom busied herself with soap operas, shopping, weekly trips to the beauty shop, frequent manicures, lounging by the pool, lunches with her girlfriends and, yes, entertaining boyfriends. Their husbands never objected, preferring to be told what to do rather than risk stepping out of line. The 'man-of-the-house did the cleaning, washing, ironing, and whatever else mom wanted done as spelled out on a note pad conspicuously posted in the kitchen. Mom created a certain tension frequently criticizing her husband's work and demonstrating her authority. I learned that many men are submissive and want the woman in their lives to take control. It's a lesson I took into my marriage to David.

My husband, David, a well-educated, professionally employed man who is easily pushed around by women at home and at work. I have always had my way with him. He does what he's told and does it how I want it done. David does ALL the domestic chores at home and sometimes for my mother and sister, both of whom live nearby. David loves being told what to do – it's exciting for him when I give him orders and criticism. I love bossing him around. I NEVER expected to have the situation mom and my aunt had but here I am! Our pre-nuptial that spells out that my happiness takes precedence – ALWAYS! David sounds ideal and, as a housekeeper and servant, he is. What's the problem? He's absolutely lousy in bed. Size, stamina, strength are all lacking – he's pathetic! No amount of counseling, doctor visits, and blue pills has worked. Soooo, I have to look elsewhere for sex. Honestly though, I would have done so even if David were fantastic in bed. I love flirting, the attention of other men and the excitement of a new lover.

I'm a flirt, always having my skirt a little shorter, my heels a little higher, and my make up just so. And yes, I do flirt when I'm out with my husband. Anyway, about a year after being married a guy at work was making passes at me, wanting to have dinner with him. He was younger and in great shape; yes, I was interested in him. That night I went home and told David I wanted to start dating again. I didn't wait for his reaction and tore into him reminding him that MY happiness, not his, was the basis of our marriage, something we'd agreed on in our pre-nuptial. “It's only a date”, I told him and said he shouldn't be so damn selfish. I'm not sure what he felt but he seemed to be a little excited and, with my permission, he went back to his chores. I'd worried that I just might lose my houseboy but I didn't understand just how deep submissiveness ran. He seemed so accepting that I was sure I'd have it my way all around.

My date with Rob was set for Friday; as a 'first date' we planned to have dinner and then go to a bar for drinks and dancing. Now a girl never has anything to wear so I took Friday off to buy a new club dress, have my hair done, and do my nails. I added some jewelry and a new pair of heels. Rob was picking me up at 7:00 so I started getting ready at 5:00. David, being the attentive little man he was, ran a nice bubble bath, complete with scented candles, and a glass of wine. It was so exciting for me and, I sensed, for David, too. I did my make up, slipped into a pair of thigh high nylons, thong panties, and my club dress. I felt David was taken back by the dress; it had a neckline that plunged to my waist prohibiting me from wearing a bra – all the better to show off my boobs! Long dangling earrings, a necklace David had bought me for my birthday, a clutch purse, and my wedding and engagement rings completed my outfit. I went to put on my heels and David knelt before me guiding my feet into the strappie sandals and fastening the straps – just what I'd expect from my houseboy! The doorbell rang, it was my mother and sister. My sister came to meet Rob and see me off. Mom took David to her house where she put David to work for the evening cleaning her house – a perfect evening for my houseboy! I don't know if David expected to meet Rob but he wasn't going to meet Rob – not yet anyway. “It's all about my pleasure, little man”, I commented to David, feeling my power over him surge. “Mom will bring you back when it's time and don't wait up”, I said, all of we ladies giggling. Shortly after mom took David and shortly thereafter Rob arrived and our evening started. It was all very exciting for all of us, David included! 

Rob and I had a great dinner and then went to a bar for drinks and some 'dirty dancing'. I enjoyed myself immensely, all the more since people knew that I was David's wife and Rob wasn't David. We returned home and I invited Rob in for a drink. I'm sure Rob expected sex but he had to be satisfied fondling my easily accessible boobs. I teased Rob telling him I wanted another night when we'd stay in instead of going out. We kissed deeply as he ran his hands over my body. He was gone soon after. I pored myself a drink and called mom telling her about the evening and asking her to bring my houseboy home. My sister called, and I filled her in on the evening. When David arrived I had him serve mom and I a drink and sent him off to the spare bedroom for the night. I know he wanted to know what transpired but I didn't tell him a thing – after all it was about MY pleasure, not his, although mom said he spent the entire evening wondering what I was doing. At one point he asked mom if she thought I was thinking about him. She laughed and said, “I really doubt it. I went to the master bedroom, locking the door behind me wondering whether I should have had sex with Rob. No matter it was a great evening!

Debbie

Female Dominance and "Cuckolding (by Mary)

I am very grateful to Mary for sharing the below post. Her and I have been corresponding for quite a while and I know she has ventured into cuckolding with her husband.  There's been some discussion in the comments of previous posts about cuckolding and so I asked her if she could write about her experience with it. I am sure you will enjoy this post. Thanks for taking the time to write this post Mary!  -Kaylee

Female Dominance and "Cuckolding"

In truth I was always pretty "dominant" with guys. I think I was just that way from the very start. I guess I liked the feeling of "directing" guys.  I did not really think about it all that much back then - high school, college, etc. It was just "me". I was never really into "whips and chains" and even the term "bondage" or "slave" seemed not me and at times a bit silly. I had zero objection to that stuff it was just not quite a fit for me.  Now I am married and my interest in the whole idea of power in relationships has, for whatever reasons, become pretty intense. Frankly it all fascinates me but I think more in what they call the "life style" sense versus what I guess some couples do - "play"?  It is not that I don't play with my husband. God knows I do but I think I am also interested in the ongoing feel of it all as well as some of the "practical" aspects of being dominant and having a submissive husband for whom that fits really well. 

I consider myself an absolute "newbie". Maybe I am less that than I think. I believe without the Internet I would know nothing. Even  one or two years ago I don't feel like I knew half of the terms and ideas that I am now slowly becoming more familiar with. I also think that I did not "get" it. I guess I did not get the depth of how female dominance can be - both for the woman and the guy. Over the last year alone I have learned a ton about my husband as well as myself. I feel that our relationship is incredibly "deep" and emotional and uniquely connected. It is still developing and I find it quite exciting and it feels more alive than much of what I hear from women in "traditional" (sorry I don't know the right word here) marriages. 

If I am honest I do have a little trepidation about writing this piece. That is so partly because it is still new to me and also because I know full well I don't understand it all. I don't say that what I write is true for all or that I have any special knowledge whatsoever. I  can only share my experience. 

Initially I think I felt it was "fun" to be a little "bossy" with guys. I found it not hard to direct them and I sort of liked that they liked it and did not at the same time. My husband was no different. In fact I have learned increasingly what a submissive is through him. I know full well that all men are not this. My husband sure seems to be. So early on I just found our dynamic fun. As time progressed (okay this sounds wicked) I did find it advantageous. I learned to "link" his "good behavior" with a potential "reward". I also learned to limit his rewards pretty significantly. If that sounds horrible or manipulative I understand. But honestly I started to notice that my husband could be made to get excited to do our laundry, grocery shop,

clean the house, get my car washed, pick up my dry cleaning etc. It has become "explicit" that a great day of following my directions (orders) may well bring a very rewarding experience with my right hand. 

This "reward system" has become very up front. Is there a "puppy dog" aspect to it. Yes, absolutely. I sort of think there might be some of this even in "vanilla" marriages. The husband "does good" pleases the wife and gets rewarded. I think what I have done is sort of made that dynamic intensely explicit. There is both a "game" and a "real life" aspect to this. The chore list I give my husband is very real. Often it is darn long. Some Saturday mornings I whisper to him - "I really want you to work extra, extra, hard for me today". It has become a "thing" on the weekend - Saturday's especially. I go out and literally take a total leisure day - brunch, yoga, visits with friends - even dates. "Dates" was the original subject of this essay before I got off on a tangent. Yes, I "date". 

I expect this might be the hardest thing to explain. Honestly it is was and at times still is more than surprising to me. I learned the term "cuckolding" only recently in time. I don't want to give the impression that I am a "party girl" or heading out to clubs with every Tom, Dick and Harry - very far from it. I do, however, at this point have a "boyfriend". I also can at times be a bit openly flirty with guys - yes, even with my husband quite present. Most of my life I am "home". Most of my life I am "just" a married woman. Most of my life, to others, I am sure I appear to be in a marriage not unlike others (though who knows what people really do!). The truth is though my husband and I are not "equal" - at least not in the marriage. He is my husband - there is no mistake about that. I am sure though that our marriage is a bit different than most though I do wonder how many other forms of what we do occurs with others. I really have zero idea.

The reality is I have freedom in my marriage. My husband does not. I do what I want. He does not - or maybe he does, but, what he wants to do is what I want him to do - if that makes any sense?  I will add that if anyone told me earlier in life that anything like this was even vaguely possible I am sure I would have rejected the notion a thousand percent. I know that there are or have been cultures with "Queens" where the woman is worshipped and the male is not equal. I am not well read on that but I know it exists. I also know that many men (or am coming to know) inside themselves "feel better" or more natural or more right or more something - being under the lead or direction of a female. My husband and I had some interesting conversations. I have even used an "interrogation technique" involving oil and also my hand to ask questions and explore things while he is aroused (quite amazing how honest he can become!).  

If I am out on a date night he confesses that he is filled to the brim with emotion. He says he thinks about me constantly the entire night. I also can feel his focus and attention when I come back. It is sort of like he cannot do enough for me. He describes being jealous, worried, embarrassed/humiliated but also very excited. He says he gets very focused on me being happy. .  If it is a night where I have an "encounter" with my boyfriend I may share a little piece of the events with my husband. What I never, ever, would have known or even considered as a younger woman is how exciting this is for him - he can almost "beg" me for just the words about it. I can see how the "excitement" of it seems to over ride the humiliation

of it for him. Weird? I guess so!

In any event I feel like I could write on and on about this. I felt a bit "on the edge" when I first experimented with it - sort of that what in Gods' name are you doing! Are you out of your mind! It is hard to explain how this emerged - sort of from my natural dominance, his natural submissiveness and my natural flirtiness. It is not "all the time". But I do feel I have found a nice place for it in our lives. Maybe the oddest thing is that this really works. Not "just" my dating which feels like side event fun but really the life style aspect of it. I really thought and still do think that the term "slave" is not really right in our case.  However, we are not equal. My husband does work for me. I do "give orders". I do make near all decisions of consequence and I do decide on how we live. What is odd is that I myself would HATE being in his shoes and would not accept it for a New York second! However it feels right and "good" to him. It is something that makes us feel incredibly close -even if I cannot tell the neighbors!  Thankfully I do have a great Internet friend and also one or two girlfriends who I can share aspects of it with. I have to say it feels quite good to both of us and has become more "normal". 

I would love to hear thoughts.

-Mary