Below is a guest post from Debbie with advice on how to get started in a FLR. I read through it and think her advice provides great guidelines for moving forward in a FLR. Thanks Debbie for your contribution. -Mz Kaylee
Many women ask how to get started in an FLR, especially when they see how obedient and loving David is to me and to women he encounters at home and in work. Many men crave having a woman in charge but are afraid to raise the issue. Women often sense a man's submissive inclinations but fail to seize the opportunity to take control. How does one put the wheels in motion? Well, in every situation we've encountered it's the woman who recognizes her submissive husband's desires and takes charge. A woman friend, Diane, seeing how well David behaved and told me she wished her Jim would be better behaved. Sensing that Jim had submissive tendencies, I told her that all she had to do was assert herself and I could almost guarantee that she and Jim would be on the path to an FLR, Based on my experience with other couples and with my David I gave her some advice and even had David come in and attest to his complete satisfaction with my being in absolute control.
Girls, start small and as he acclimates to your authority accelerate the pace of your control. In our case David, like most men, is excited at the prospect of my having control. I was excited when David told me he wanted structure and routine in the relationship and I was only too happy to oblige him! I immediately started putting a set of rules in place. What kind of rules? Well consider the following:
1) Obedience - David recognizes that I am in charge and have ultimate authority. I may, MAY! consider his opinion but I am the ultimate authority and will make all decisions if I so choose. I give orders; I don't make suggestions or give choices. I order, he obeys!
2) Deference - David shows women respect and deference, not only at home or with relatives or friends but outside the home, too, in public and at work. It's “Yes, Ma'am” or “No, Ma'am”, NEVER “Yeah” or “No”. Women are to be addressed a “Madame” - We don't use 'Mistress' since I consider that to be the stuff of male fantasies and not conducive of an FLR. His deference extends to my family and girlfriends. He learned how each woman wanted to be addressed and complies with their wishes. My sister is Ms. Charon and my girlfriend, Paula, is Ms. Paula. Madam is always appropriate, for example, Madame Paula.
3) Housework - David was put on notice that he would eventually be doing ALL the housework, wash, iron, clean, vacuum, look after my wardrobe, and so on, Women have to invest some time instructing their man on how to do housework but it's a good investment on their part. David, as are most submissive men, was a quick learner and in short order he had a regular routine of housework that he loved. It took surprisingly little time before he was not only doing housework but doing it to my complete satisfaction! As he mastered household tasks I added more, a prospect that excited him. I don't do housework any more; my submissive hubby does it all! YES, ALL of it. He has a set routine of work every day of the week that includes serving me, my family, and my woman friends. I allow David some free time every day but ONLY if his housework is done. You can imagine what his doing housework does for me; I can relax, read, watch TV, go out with my girlfriends, or date - yes, I date. I decided to start dating when one of the guys in the office started asking me out - David has no say in the matter.
4) Finances - I advise women contemplating an FLR to quickly take control of the couple's finances; doing so will solidify your absolute control! More on this later in a post that I will dedicate to this important aspect of an FLR.
5) Discipline. Women should accept the fact that, from time-to-time, they will have to discipline their husbands. Women do themselves AND their husbands a favor when they administer discipline, but more on this in a future post.
6) His friends and leisure activities - Women should be in absolute control of her man's hobbies, friends, and outside activities. Women are sometime reluctant to exert control but her doing so is beneficial to the FLR. You don't want hubby going out with 'the boys' and having bad patriarchal attitudes undoing the rules and routines you've spent so much time putting in place. Again, more in a future post.
His reward? Know he is pleasing me and living a rich, submissive lifestyle. You'll be amazed at all you can accomplish in a short time.
Debbie
How wonderful to find a beautiful and strong woman who would tame me.
ReplyDeleteWonderful Post Debbie ! The " how too' s "are spot on and would certainly work on me as well as most of the male population ........... but how do you convince the average woman to put away her desires for the strong macho controlling man of her dreams ? I have spent most of my life looking for a woman like you and Mz Kaylee to serve, and adore but have only found rejections and a broken heart. It is my experience that the majority of men desire to serve the woman of his heart but sadly most women find the idea of a FLR a complete turn off .
ReplyDeleteWarm regards,
John Dalton
Unfortunately FLR is not fully embraced by society and is wildly misunderstood. That is one of the reasons I started my blog. My hope is to educate women that FLR is an excellent and beneficial approach to marriage and not just fantasy and to provide them with guidance and ideas on how to make it work.The answer to your question is not an easy one. One could write a whole book on the topic. I know from your past comments that you are making valiant efforts to move your relationship to a FLR. Have you made any small wins in that effort?
DeleteHello Mz Kaylee.
DeleteI appreciate your response. Yes, this lifestyle is very misunderstood but I believe that once a couple engages in a FLR the value and the unparalleled closeness is undeniable. There is simply no comparison! Couples in a typical vanilla marriage cannot even imagine the level of passion , love , excitement and energy that is found in a FLR. I so enjoy your comments and perspectives because you "get it". Your blog is a wonderful educational source that encourages women to consider a FLR by bringing attention to the non-sexual benefits while at the same time opening the door to a new dynamic of sexual fulfillment that is centered on her desires.
Our transistor into a FLR started almost from the moment we met five years ago. She is naturally dominant but very traditional at the same time. We have openly discussed the principles of a FLR as well as my desires to submit to her . Like most couples the transition to a FLR has been slow but it seems that each time we begin progress the wheels just fall off . Each renewed effort ends the same way. I am very patient and continue to take care of her every need but with absolutely no input from her. She simply disengages . We cycle from total happiness and marital bliss to two strangers sharing a house . The cycle begins anew when she realizes that the closeness and excitement have faded along with the FLR. It seems that she longs for the return of the traditional marital roles but is not happy when the transition is complete.
I have noticed over the years that a great majority of women find it difficult to love a man who puts her needs and desires over his own and treats her with respect .This seems contrary to all logic but as you said the explanation would require volumes to even begin to address. My wife would quickly reject a man who did not embrace a relationship of equal terms but yet there is some part of her that longs for that bad boy of her dreams that would use her and throw her aside when his needs were met.
I am not sure where we will go from here but we do love each other deeply. I am pretty confident that a FLR is truly the path to happiness for both of us but she will have to let go of the traditional ideas and completely embrace her dominant role to make this happen. I am sure this might sound selfish on my part but it is very clear that she enjoys the power and control but finds it difficult to apply her authority openly . I cannot speak for other men but I find this very unattractive. Although I am submissive to the core ,I am very capable of living the dominant role in life and marriage but only if the woman is capable of real and complete submission. In a like manner, I long for my wife to openly embrace her authority so that we can enjoy the harmony and benefits of a true FLR. The concept is really pretty simple but it does require a level of commitment and consistency to work. Our relationship suffers because we have neither.
Take care,
John Dalton
Debbie,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your insight! I visit a lot of femdom websites and while I find many interesting topics discussed I find Mz Kaylee’s the most informative- maybe realistic is a better word- as it discusses femdom practiced as a day to day life style.
I look forward to your future posts regarding financial and disciplinary control.
I’d love to share this with my Queen, though she is very dominant, she is not receptive to reading how others practice and maintain their FLR.
My Queen also hates the words “dominate” and “submissive.” Any suggestions on that?
Thanks again!
W
Debbie -
ReplyDeleteThank you for such a wonderful post.
I would say that as a man that is happily serving his wife, and has been for a while another important element may exist. Which is that as the Dominant I think it is important that you keep doing thing to make you husband feel like a sub/slave/servant. Meaning just those subtle items, like giving orders and not asking, maybe not saying thanks, maybe whispering slave in his ear. To me it is different then punishments it is doing those things with and to your husband that remind him that he is meant to serve you, and that he is not just some very helpful guy or a friend who happens to be doing a lot of things or chores because he is just extra helpful :)
Debbie - Mz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteI should also mention how much I am looking forward to your post on financial control. I know it my case that when my wife put me on a strict allowance, that it was life changing for me. All of a sudden the FLR life becomes very real.
With care,
robby.
Thank you Debbie and Mz Kaylee. Talking from a sub's perspective, these are sound advices. Over the last year my Wife introduced stricter rules with zero imput from me, even though the initial initiative a few years back was mostly mine (fueled by my kinky sexual cravings). It is as if She is finally taking full control of our FLR dinamics. She also became more dominating outside our bedroom and She seems to enjoy it. It is exciting and a little scarry, I have no idea where it is going. My Wife is not aware of the concept of a FLR as such, yet She is applying all Debbie's 6 rules in Her own, less strict way. Allow me to explain.
ReplyDelete1) Obedience. Yes, She expects and demands it, but not in all aspects of our life. It would be impractical. In some areas we are equal (such as in raising our kid), in many She has the final say, in some She lets me lead. She has full control of our sex life and I treat Her personal wishes and desires (also outside sex) as orders. Within our home She is (mostly) in charge and I recognize Her authority.
2) Deference. I naturally tend to be respectful, kind, and helpful to Women (with few well-deserved exceptions). I like to see Women around me happy and to contribute to it. I do »yes Ma'am« and »no Ma'am« my Wife sometimes, but She doesn't require me to. The same with Her Girlfriends, we are on very friendly terms and two of them already commented on what a good husband I was when they witnessed my obedience to my Wife's polite but unmistakable orders (I got a boner from it, I admit).
3) Housework. It would be impossible to do it all. I am the major provider in our household and work much longer hours for that. I do my fair share though and there are personal services for my Wife that I do daily no matter what, including hand-washing her bras, panties, stockings and pantyhoses and cleaning Her shoes (and the toilet). I also buy Her lingerie and stockings.
4) Finances. I am better at managing our finances than my Wife and She recognizes it and lets me handle them to the benefit of us all. That said, she can get whatever She wants or needs (She is reasonable) and I absolutely like buying Her and our daugher nice stuff. Oh, and I am not allowed to make major purchases without consulting my Wife. If She says no and I cannot convince Her, it is a NO, period.
5) Discipline. She disciplines me. Capital offences are loosing my temper and raising my voice disrespectully and masturbation without permission. Both rare now, but it happens. I also get punished for repeated negligence.
6) Friends and leisure. I have mostly free hands in this, but if my Wife doesn't want me to go somewhere, I obey. Since last year I have to ask for permission to stay out at night. I also have to tell Her who I will be with, especially if it is other Women. She allows it most of the time, but sometimes I get a curfew. I learned the hard way that She meant it. When I talked back She immediatelly extended my grounding. I even had to cancel my prearanged outings.
What I get out of it all? Satisfaction of obeying my Wife is a reward on its own, but my major reward is to be allowed to pleasure Her sexually, but only if I deserve it and when She desires. My own orgasms are rare. The worst punishment is when I am denied this and when She totally ignores me sexually. For my worst offenses it can be for several weeks. She can make me crazy with frustration and lust, I would gladely take any corporal punishment just to end it. I do my best to behave and avoid it.
Walt's thoughts seem pretty relevant to my experiences as well. The words "dominant" and "submissive" are still fairly negative words for my wife. (Although she seems to LIKE "Mistress", which I think sounds old-fashioned and Victorian to her!) We both come from a very traditional background where women are supposed to be the submissive partners in marriage and men are expected to be the heads of household. So using that language would have been a huge turn-off. At the same time, my wife was criticized over the course of her life for being too bossy (accurately, I'd have to say!) and so even teasing about it can feel like a form of criticism to her. Her whole life she's wanted authority but felt reluctant to be perceived as wanting it.
ReplyDeleteIn my experience, positive words were things like "service", "respect", and "obedience". She really understands the idea of people needing rules to function (that's part of what I'd call the "traditionalist worldview") and so the idea that she can help me by setting rules was pretty easy to understand. In fact, I think this has been a common situation throughout history. Many marriages have been nominally male-led, while the woman quietly serves as the power behind the throne. The idea of being secretly in control, using feminine wiles and cleverness, seems more exciting than the idea of being overtly in control (looking bossy and domineering).