So how does one keep the submissive constantly challenged? I do it by instituting changes in rules and expectations throughout the year as well as trying new things. The changes are often small but every so often I throw in a big change to really spice things up and deepen his submission to me. Smaller changes are easy to implement and due to the psychology of submission, can have a big impact on the submissive. New rules are a good example. When I added the rule that my husband was not permitted to sit at the head of the dining room table it had a lasting submissive impact on him. In the moment the rule was established he felt a part of his authority diminished and that excited him. Eventually it just becomes a part of normal life for him but in the weeks after the rule was established, he felt the submissive twang in him every time he sat at the table. Small changes like that every few months keep his submission fresh.
Some of the bigger changes that I have made in past include: requiring him to wear panties 24/7, establishing a weekly review routine and ritual, and putting him on a spending allowance. I see these bigger changes as things that significantly impact his and/or my daily or weekly routine. The changes tend to make big strides in propelling the WLM/FLR forward. Taking control of his orgasms is another big change, but it seems that for most couples, that is one of the first things done in establishing the dom/sub dynamic. I would imagine that for many people, the bigger changes occur as the relationship reaches a new level of maturity. I think it is beneficial for women in WLMs to proactively institute big changes every few years. These types of changes challenge and significantly stimulate the submissive mind and also increase the authority and power of the wife.
I also incorporate fun one-time events to keep his submission strong. I may indulge in one of his fetishes or fantasies one night or just spend a weekend being super strict and demanding with him. The "Boot Camp" that I wrote about previously is another example of a one-time event that keeps his submission strong. Each year I also plan a few weekends away with just the two of us and they often turn into fun weekends where I press his submissive hot buttons. When we are away, I tend to let loose on my inhibitions. The one-time events are fun for both of us and many times result in deep intimacy that brings us closer together as a couple. Many people have shared with me that they experience this same feeling of deep intimacy and closeness after an intense domination/submission experience. It truly is remarkable and something that can not be understood until you experience it yourself.
The one-time events have a very positive impact on the relationship. Not only do they keep things fun, but it deepens his submission and help build the confidence and dominance of the wife. I've noticed that my husband's submission is very high for days or even weeks afterward and he is very appreciative that I've indulged in his fantasy. This creates loyalty in him and a strong desire to want to please me. For, me the events have been great confidence builders. When I role play or try new things, I step outside of my normal role knowing that it is just fantasy. Sometimes it felt weird or uncomfortable at first but as I immersed in the fantasy and saw the positive reactions from my husband (or felt the unexpected arousal within me), it turned fun and exciting. For example, the first time I ever spanked my husband, it felt very weird when we started but by the end I got so excited I actually had an orgasm while spanking him. The more you role play and try new fantasies or kinks, the less weird it becomes and for women, and this can dramatically increase their comfort level with being dominant. Quite often the the things I do in the fantasy sessions end up being things that I later incorporate into our normal routine. Having Thomas wear panties started out as just fantasy fun every now and then, and here we are years later and he wears them 24/7. The last point I want to make regarding one-time events is that for women new to domination, doing fantasy domination one night a month can be a great and fun way to dip your toe into the lifestyle and build your confidence. Eventually that one night can turn into a whole weekend and then a whole week, and before you know it your doing it every day.
So I challenge the women readers of this blog to try something new in 2021. Step out of your comfort zone and do something different with your husband. Think of it as a Christmas present for him. He will love it! I think most times you will find an unexpected excitement when you do this but it's ok if it doesn't turn out the way you planned or if in the end you didn't like it. Part of the fun is experimenting and seeing what works. Below are a few ideas. If categorized them as small, big, and one-time but many of the ideas are interchangeable among categories depending on how you implement them. For example some of the one-time events could turn into regular events that lead to a big change or some of the bigger changes could be done just as a one-time event. Also, there is no rule that says that once you implement a change you have to keep it. If after a few weeks or months, you are bored with the change, than stop doing it and give something else a try. There are many things over the years that I've done for a period of time and then replaced it with something else. Enjoy and please report back on how it goes!
Small Changes
- Add a new weekly chore - spend time training him on it and reviewing his performance
- Add new/more strict expectations to an existing chore. Examples: add deadlines, chairs around table must be aligned perfectly, towels must be folded perfectly, etc.
- Evolve or changeup an existing routine, rule, or expectation
- if he wears panties, buy different styles so they feel different on him, add stockings, or make him wear a sexy garter around his thigh on special occasions; if you treat him like a pet, but him a tail or dog tag with his name engraved on it.
- Make him wear a special outfit during routine/chore such as a collar or maid's outfit or make him do it naked
- Turn regular foot massages into foot worship by making him kiss your feet before and after he massages them; make him say a mantra before massaging you.
- Add new rules such as: he must ask for permission to use remote, can only sit in one chair in the living room, must kneel when asking for something, or must sit when going to the bathroom
- Tell him to do things instead of asking him to do them.
Bigger Changes
- Put him into a chastity device - this can be permanent or used occasionally for fun, punishment, or motivation
- Make the decision to include punishment and discipline into your relationship
- Add new rituals or routines
- A formal weekly review/discipline routine
- A transition ritual for him when he comes home from work - something to shift his mindset from work to serving you and being submissive
- Bedtime or morning ritual - these can include you (undress/dress you, kiss your feet, thank you for allowing him to serve you, etc.) or can be a ritual that he does on his own to prepare for the coming day and stay focused on serving you.
- Greeting ritual when you arrive at home such as immediately stopping whatever he is doing and coming to you, take your coat, and asking how he can serve you; he must silently kneel upon your arrival and await for you to 'release' him or give him instructions, or he must kiss your feet.
- Rules that take away some of his freedom or rights - no talking each night during certain hours, must ask permission to go out with friends or do activities
- Put him on a weekly spending allowance; takeaway or monitor his access to credit cards and bank accounts
- Significantly alter his wardrobe or appearance - must wear collar in the home, must be naked in the home or while doing certain things, get a tattoo that brands him or is symbolic of his submission to you, you pick out his outfit everyday, must always keep his balls shaved, you decide his hair style, etc.
- Make the decision to deeply explore a fetish or kink and incorporate it permanently into the relationship. Examples include feminization, strap-on, pet play, infantilism, chastity, bondage. Exploring a fetish or kink can lead to an exciting new journey within your relationship and is a fantastic way to spice things up. Take your time exploring. You don't have to do it all at once. I take great pleasure in slowly taking him down a path, making little changes over time. That in itself is a mind fuck for him because he does not know what's coming next or when will it end.
One-Time Events
- Spend a night or weekend 100% focused on one of his fetishes or fantasies
- Make him worship your ass with his tongue- this will remind him if his place beneath you.
- Try a new kink - pet play, feminization, spanking, ass worship, bondage
- A long and intense teasing and denial session; make sure he pleasures you in-between teases; I often enjoy doing this for several days. He is putty in my hands after a few days of intense T&D.
- Wear a new fetish outfit - surprise him with it or make him buy it for you. It's even fun to shop for it together.
- Be extra strict and demanding for a day or weekend
- Have him pamper you and wait on you hand and foot all day - make him plan the day for you.
- Small "power moves" can get his submissive juices flowing- the revers spooning (you spoon him), order him to lick your finger that's covered in his precum, be physically aggressive with him, call him "slave" or tell him "good boy," hold his head tightly between your thighs.
-Mz Kaylee
I think for me the act of asking permission for things is the thing that keeps me in a submissive mode. To think that it all started with her saying "from now on I want you to ask permission before you come" and now it is something as simple as can I go to the store, does the trick for me. The latest one "may I remove my cage" is probably the most submission inducing one yet. Take care. -Alan
ReplyDeleteMy wife was straight to the point and getting my attention as to being submissive. She said a spanking will happen anyplace, anytime. Said her mother would also give out spankings especially at her home. Yes I must ask permission for somethings, but only when I act like a naughty little boy. I recall the first spanking was not at home, I messed up on our honeymoon. I pleaded with her not to spank me at this nice hotel, wait until we got home. She just smiled, pointed to the bathroom. She turned on the shower, and I was soon bare bottom over her lap feeling the sting of her hairbrush. The shower covered most of the noise, but at dinner I was squirming, and of all people sitting in the next table, two middle age ladies. One stood up came to my wife, heard the spanking, good for you. Our honeymoon my wife said, the lady said a very good start. I wanted to hide. Jack
ReplyDeleteAlan- so true. asking for permission is one of the most powerful ways for a wife to gain authority. Prior to all the corona virus stuff, my husband had a weekly night where he hung out with friends. Even though it was a regular occurrence, he always had to ask permission to go. If he was not performing up to my expectations the answer would be no (and he usually knew when when I was going to say no in this scenario). There were also some days where I said no because I needed him to do something or simply because I wanted to exert my power.
ReplyDeleteNice to see you back posting Mz Kaylee. Another stellar post. I can't wait to read it to my Wife in our Sunday morning reading time. She really loves your stuff!
ReplyDeleteFantastic. Hopefully one or two of the ideas will resonate with her and she’ll give them a try.
ReplyDeleteMz Kaylee, I enjoyed the whole post but to me the first paragraph is where it’s at ! Wonderful analogy . Great reading for a woman that is confused about the workings of the submissive male mind !
ReplyDeleteThank you.
John Dalton
We hope to finally realize our postponed project of having one of my wife's friends witness one of our FLR spankings (she's already see my wife's toolbox)!
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas and Happy Holidays - thanks for the always inspiring blog!
CK
I agree that being required to ask permission to do certain things is an excellent way to reinforce the wife's authority and the husband's submission, particularly if it is not at all certain in advance whether she will grant permission or not.
ReplyDeleteI had not thought about it before, but I can see how my wife periodically choosing to change how things will be done would help reemphasize her authority and consequently my submission.
There are some great ideas in this post. I wonder if or when I might be the target of some of these ideas.
Great ideas, Mz Kaylee. Remove all the symbols of male leadership and privilege and transfer them to the woman as the new Leader of the relationship and the home. A man’s place is at the feet of his Goddess to obey, pamper and serve all her desires. He is rewarded like a pet for doing as he is told.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mz Kaylee. I’ve just read your post to my amazing Wife and I think it’s set us up for our next stage of our WLM. We are about 6 years into our 24/7 WLM .
ReplyDeleteThe observation about IQ is interesting. I find that because I am highly creative and have a good imagination that I am particularly affected by anything my Wife does to support her dominance.
Thanks again. D&SNZ NZ
Been married two years and my wife decided that I was not learning fast enough. She decided that little boys need an incentive and so now I must put on my little boy jammies she bought prior to my spanking. She scolds me like a little boy and at the same time pulls down the bottoms to remind me who is in charge. Standing facing the wall in my jammies is the worse especially if someone drops in. I must wear them the remaining part of the day, go to bed early and if I have been really naughty will be wearing them the next day also. ALways early bed time. Jack
ReplyDeleteWhen we first married, my wife always wanted to know where I was going, and what I was doing etc. She decided to implement a change that was supposed to be temporary, and we now both agree it works so well that it has become permanent. Instead of letting her know if I was going somewhere, she made the rule that I would always have to ask her permission before going out with friends, or making a trip to a store for example. She liked the further control this gave her over me which was no surprise. It was misery on her when she first started this, because I was always running to her like a ten year old kid asking if I could please go out with the guys on a Friday night for example. Then she would most often have to say no, or rarely say "okay, but be home by 9:00 pm".
ReplyDeleteHowever the inadvertent result of this was most of my male friends soon became tired of me always saying I would have to get back to them as to whether I could meet up with them for get togethers, and they soon quit phoning, or asking me to join them. I am more than happy with this result because since they've stopped inviting me I noticed that they mostly wanted other guys to hang out with who would listen to them complain about their marital problems, and issues they have with
their coworkers. I never realized it before, but this was the only reason they invited me for 'social time'. My wife, and I are both extremely elated because this also has freed up more time for me to spend serving my wife/owner which is where I should be devoting my efforts, and not at a bowling alley with other guys who are looking to avoid their wife. The third positive result of losing almost all of my male friends is I am rarely asking her permission to go out, because I'm not being invited out, and I'm at home where I should be. Although I was very dejected when she first started this, we both couldn't be happier that my so called friends are out of my life, and we will never entertain the thought of going back on this one.
Edward-This is a very good thing for your relationship. Social time with friends is important so it should not be eliminated completely. However, I've seen marriages of my friends and family fail because one partner or both never adjust their social life after marriage and spend too much time with their friends and not enough with their spouse. Your spouse should be your best friend and the one that you enjoy doing things with. It is extremely important that couples spend quality time together.
DeleteThank you for sharing your experience with this and I hope others learn from it.
-Mz Kaylee
Thanks for this idea Kaylee, I've been trying to think of a new idea since you wrote this, and it finally came to me. Well, my husband is in for one hell of a surprise for this entire year, starting about six days from now. He was mildly intrigued, yet mystified why I sat him down, and we watched four porn videos showing tampon changes. That's all he knows....for now. You're never to old to learn something new.
ReplyDeleteI love it Rachel. A fun idea for sure. Let us know how it goes.
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