Orgasm Control Strategies

I know I am not alone in the opinion that orgasm control (when the wife/gf determines when and how the husband/bf orgasms) is a critical part of a Wife Led Marriage (WLM) or Female Led Relationship (FLR). Orgasm Control is a powerful tool in establishing the woman's authority in the relationship and in making her central in the husband's/bf's world. 

There are several common strategies for orgasm control that I've come across:

Fixed Schedule For Orgasms

In this strategy the wife/gf puts the guy on a regular schedule for orgasms such as every Saturday, once a month etc. A variation is that after each orgasm the wife establishes a specific date for the next orgasm. As long as the guy is good, he gets his recurring orgasm. In the time in-between, the guy knows that he must refrain from orgasm and must not ask or beg for permission to orgasm. 

This strategy works good for individuals who don't like the unknown, who like routine, or who need concrete goals and direction to be productive. The advantage with this approach is that the guy has a clear goal that he is working towards. He knows if he performs well, he will get his orgasm on the agreed upon day and that if he does not perform well he may lose out on the orgasm or have it delayed or ruined. This can be a good way to keep a guy consistently motivated. Another advantage is that during sex or foreplay, the guy can completely focus on pleasuring his wife since he knows there will be no orgasm for him. For the wife/gf, the orgasm day becomes a powerful domination tool. During the days in between she can remind him that his orgasm day is not guaranteed if he does not meet expectations. In addition, she can add extra tasks to be done prior to the orgasm day. This is a great way to get the "honey do" list done quickly. Of course, she can also have fun by teasing him unmercifully, knowing that he is not allowed to orgasm or she can build his excitement up as his orgasm day gets closer, or make a big exciting production for him when he is allowed to orgasm.

Random Permission 

This is the strategy that I use. In this approach, the wife determines when the husband can orgasm but does not give advance notice to the husband. He is left guessing and needs to ask for permission to orgasm if he feels an orgasm coming on. Usually it is not until the last second that the wife grants permission or denies him. He can go days, weeks, or even months without orgasm.

An advantage with this approach is that it keeps the husband on his toes as he never knows what to expect. I think it adds a lot of excitement and spice to the relationship because there can be lots of teasing with no orgasm. I love bringing my husband to the edge over and over again, hearing him beg for orgasm, not knowing if I will give him permission. 

The random approach lessens the connection between good behavior and orgasm so the orgasm does not become as much of a motivator. However, it has very different effect on the male psyche. It keeps him highly focused on pleasing and obeying his wife because she controls his pleasure and orgasm. Since men are constant pleasure seekers, she becomes his focus. This approach also allows the wife to experiment with different lengths of denial and push his limits. For many guys, the longer they are denied (up-to a certain point) the more agreeable and easily controlled they become. This makes for a powerful tool for the wife to push his limits and bring him deeper into submission to her.   

Earned Orgasms 

The husband must earn his orgasm through good behavior or by completing tasks. Determination of this could be left up to the wife or be based on a point system or she spells out specific tasks that need to be done in order to earn his orgasm. In this approach the orgasm becomes a significant motivator to get the guy to do something. This approach may be good for younger guys who have high sex driver and need frequent orgasms or guys who are new to orgasm denial and have not built up the ability to be denied an orgasm for over a week. This is also an effective method for the woman to quickly establish her control and authority over a guy. The mental connection of having to please and obey her in order to achieve an orgasm, keeps his focus on her 24/7. She can also easily exert her power and authority over him by requiring him to do something humiliating or extremely submissive in order to earn his orgasm. His obedience in this situation is proof of her real power over him, which is exciting for both the submissive and the dominant.

Those seem to be the most common strategies used for orgasm control and denial. There are many variations of each and there's no hard rule that you have to stick with just one strategy. Switching strategies every now and then can be fun and keep orgasm control interesting for both of you.

Short-tern vs. Long-term Denial

All of the strategies above can be used for both short-term and long-term denial.  If you are just starting to incorporate orgasm denial into your relationship, than long-term denial is probably not an option. Guys are naturally wired to want to have orgasms frequently and to not hold back when an orgasm begins to build up. It usually takes some conditioning and training for a guy to build up the tolerance to be denied an orgasm over a long period of time. Age and libido are factors that affect how long he can last with denial. Younger guys with a high libido may struggle with longer-term denial or may become unpleasant or unhappy with it. If that happens, then orgasm denial becomes counter-productive. It is important for the wife/gf to monitor the effects of denial on his mood and demeanor and adjust the timing as needed to ensure denial is working in your favor and not against you. Lastly, the wife's desires also play into the decision of short-term and long-term denial. Do not forgot that the broader concept is orgasm control, which, includes both denial and giving permission to orgasm. There are advantages to using longer-term denial, which I will explain below, but the frequency of orgasms is second in importance to the woman's authority in deciding when he is allowed to orgasm. A women can still practice orgasm control and have sex with her husband/bf frequently if she enjoys PIV sex. In this scenario, she still gives permission for when to orgasm. This can be done in the heat of the moment, requiring him to ask for permission when he feels an orgasm rising, or she can count-him down to an orgasm (5-4-3-2-1), or she can command him to cum when she is ready, or she can give him permission before the sex begins. By her controlling when he orgasms every time it gives her complete authority over his sex life and when she controls his sex life, she becomes his center of focus.

For those who want to experiment with the longer-term denial, it can be achieved by slowly increasing the duration between orgasms in order to train him to last longer. For many guys, after they've been exposed to denial for awhile, it becomes a fun game for them and they are often up for the challenge of trying to go longer. It almost becomes a badge of honor for them to last a longer. A guy can also build up his tolerance to hold back orgasm by exercising his PC muscle. This is the muscle guys use to make their cock move or twitch. All they need to do is squeeze it to exercise it. Order your guy to do 100 squeezes a day to build up his tolerance, or guys just start doing it now so that you can impress your wife/gf. 

The advantage of long-term denial is that it keeps guys horny and easily aroused. This makes it easy for the woman to control him. A horny guy is putty in the hands of a dominant woman :).  For guys that are newer to  long-term denial, the longer they are denied, the more mush their brain becomes and logic and common sense go out the window when they are dominated. This puts them in a state where they are easily seduced into doing things for the woman. When you hear the words "I'll do anything." you know he's ripe for domination. It is a good time to try new things and push his boundaries. For example, a guy who is hesitant to try strap-on sex, after a few weeks of denial and regular teasing, he will likely be willing to give the strap-on sex a try. Even better, is if the wife begins to suggest or talk-about the strap-on sex each time she teases him. This process begins to associate pleasure with the idea of strap-on sex and he will begin to fantasize about it. By the time the woman decides to introduce him to her strap-on, he we likely be excited about it and wanting to try it.  For the guy, being in this horny state is pleasurable and fun. In fact, it adds a little excitement to mundane tasks. Chores become a little fun or at least more tolerable when horny. My husband is always telling me how much he enjoys that I keep in a perpetually aroused state.

I've highlighted a few of the common and effective orgasm control strategies. If you have other strategies please feel free to share.  My sense is that most couples settle into one strategy and stick with it and it becomes an integral part of their relationship and lifestyle. However, as noted earlier in the post, that is not a hard and fast rule. Switching things up every now and then can be fun.

I believe orgasm control should used in every WLM/FLR. It is a very powerful tool for the woman so there is a real purpose for it. It can also bring a lot of fun and spice to the relationship. In my next post I will share some fun ideas to incorporate with orgasm control.

-Mz Kaylee

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