Guest Post: How to Implement Chastity (by AJ)

 In AJ’s follow-up post on chastity (below) she provides advice on choosing a device. I am glad she chose this topic to write about because it is an area that I have no experience with and very little knowledge about. I read it wit great interest and took quite a few notes ☺️. It is wonderful to have others bring new information and advice to the blog.  If you currently wear a chastity device be sure to comment on what you wear and any additional advice.  -Mz Kaylee 

HOW TO IMPLEMENT CHASTITY by AJ

In my last post I wrote about the 'why' and the benefits of chastity as I have experienced them in my marriage. This post cover the topic of how to best implement chastity. Its not as easy as you might think, so that’s why I want to pass on our tidbits of knowledge gleamed over 25 years of marriage and more specifically within the past 6 years of heavy chastity play and wear by my husband. These are our pro and con observations of what type of devices are best suited for successful long term chastity wear. These are our first hand experiences and observations. Obviously yours may differ. Its been a lot of trial and error, frustration, and a substantial pile of cash over the years.

 1) Buying a lot of crappy devices in the long term equates to a considerable pile of cash spent. No one likes to make a poor investment. Devices with lots of moving and interconnecting parts such as the CB3000 series devices. Those are crap in our opinion (we’ve owned 3 different types of them over the years and finally gave up on them). Each one of those parts translates into rubbing and chaffing and other discomforts long term. Devices with hinged base rings - they all eventually pinch and are not comfortable. Devices without integrated locking systems. Those tiny external padlocks are sharp and jab in all the the wrong places. They are also bulky for daily wear and show through clothes. They also can be somewhat noisy. Devices which have those long urethral attachments and which impale the penis. Short term with a lot of frequent disinfecting, perhaps not a problem. Long term though your going to develop a urinary tract infection or nick something deep inside. Not fun to treat and not fun to explain how to the medical staff. Silicone devices - all I can say is just yuck.

2) Go big and go small. Start out by going big with the base ring that goes around his testicles. It takes quite while to build up his tolerance to the smaller size rings. Your shooting for long term wear (you indeed are!!! - that’s what brings in all of those wonderful benefits for the both of you) and the quickest way to defeat that is to have him wear a ring which starts digging into his testicles after a few hours of wear. When his balls are turning blue that a definite danger sign, get it off right away. We’ve made this mistake many, many times. Everyone keeps talking about measuring tapes, sizing and going as small as possible. Long term this is somewhat true, but you have to get there first. Do your husband and yourself a huge favor and get a comfortably sized larger ring for starting him off on his chastity journey. You don’t want it so big that its in danger of falling off his package while at Walmart, but error on the size of large for starting out. Make long term wear progress with that larger ring (at least 3 weeks of continuous wear) and then slowly go down in his size. This is the way to achieve long term wear. You’ll both grow discouraged from all of the pain related device failures he experiences with too small of a base ring is used. However, do go small with the chastity tube portion. This is very counter intuitive, and it took us quite a bit of trial and error to realize this. The smaller the tube, the more comfortable his long term wear will be. Why? You want to nick his erection in the bud so to speak. When his cock has the internal free room to engorge within the tube (tube sized to large) it builds mass (all of that blood is allowed to flow into those shaft veins which equates to weight). Along with the weight of the blood in the engorged areas of his cock, there is also the actual changes to the length and girth of his chastised cock as it tries to erect with the tube. Those physical increases equate to amplified pulling action on his sensitive testicles and scrotal sack. That pulling occurs on that too tight of a base ring plate I mentioned earlier. It’s a sure path to real discomfort and short term wear. By wearing a pretty tight tube, one that actually compresses lightly on the fully shriveled up deflated cock, there is zero room for him to grown. That means no size change and no weight gains. That means way less pulling on his base ring. After he wakes up and has waked you up for the umpteenth time due to the swelling pain, you'll understand this one. So go big and go small. Their is one caveat to this, use your head. If you go with too small of a tube, like really small, then your asking for medical issues as well. Too small of a tube and your going to get what I call the stinky twinky syndrome. The urine is unable to flow completely out of his penis when he pees and it gets trapped within all of the bends and compression's of his stuffed dick which is stuffed into that overly small tube. That pee just slowly escapes and dribbles out over the course of the day as gravity eventually forces it out. Yuck. But do go small just not ludicrous small :) 

3) When hes first starting out in chastity, check him often for issues. The blue balls, the chaffing, the rubbing raw of tender parts. All of those things equate to big discomfort and therefore short term wear. Initially check him every hour, then every couple of hours. Once he achieves success there, then switch to inspecting him every morning. If he's going to show issues that's when your going to catch it quickest. Those night time and early morning erections, when in an improperly sized device, will show themselves quickly. If he can't make it one night without serious discomfort or chaffing then you have the wrong device. Don’t waste time and experience the frustration, and just get another device. Once he sleeps through the night and his morning inspections are consistently good, you can slack off. Check him every couple of days and then every week. You’ll get the feel for what's adequate as his confidence and lack of pain increase over time. I no longer check my husband. We have built the confidence in the sizing of his device and his ability to accurately cry uncle when he needs to. Even with the best device and the best care, sometimes things will just click when they should have clacked and he will develop a tender spot. Deal with it quickly before it becomes a long term show stopper. That said he knows I don’t allow false positives. He’s a big boy in his device and I expect him to act like one. Crying wolf leads to severe punishment.

4) Cleanliness is next to godliness. See my stinky twinky syndrome comment. No one wants that. Shower it thoroughly every morning. A weekly soaking in the tub will do some deep cleaning of his device and his boy parts. You don’t want bacteria to breed and turn into nasty or odoriferous issues. Also In our experience, your going to want to keep your man shorn clean. Any hair down their tends to get snagged in chastity devices and that's painful. Hair also tends to absorb odors. The absence of hair also makes inspection and identifying trouble spots on his boy parts much easier. Finally, having him smooth like a baby in that area, I have found to be a large kink amplifier. The feminization aspect of being smooth and being required to shave and stay smooth down there works strongly to both of our kinks.

Given all of what I’ve stated above about the correct device, its sizing, wear, discomfort, trial and error, money spent and especially long term wear goals, what device do I recommend? Its a pretty easy answer for me at this point in the game. Start him out in plastic. These devices are cheapest and lightest. Cheapest is an important factor. No matter what, your going to go through some trial and error. Do it in plastic where its cheaper to have those experiences. Also there seems to be much more base ring sizing variety in plastic. Your going to want something which has several base rings sizes and your going to want to buy several starting with that larger starter ring. Then wean him down to a smaller ring as he progresses. Plastic is the way to go. And the device? The Holy Trainer. I recommend the Nub if he's average sized and a grower. If he's a bit more endowed or a shower then go with the Nano model. If he's too big for the Nano, I’m guessing your going to want to have that cock inside you on a regular basis and won’t be locking it up much. So chastity may be out for you (kidding). They actually have 5 devices in increasing size, you’ll find one for him unless he's built like a horse. Extremely comfortable device, made up of just two parts (discounting the internal locking device). Lesser parts means less chance of irritation. Built in lock means more comfort as well. Built in lock also means more stealth and aesthetics. He’s going to be subconscious about showing chastity bulges in public until he build his confidence up. This is a very low or no show device. Get the largest ring size as well as one or two of the smaller rings at the same time. The tube size is perfect to keep his penis from erecting. That means comfort. Don’t be surprised if your hubby is immediately able to last several nights of confinement straight with this device. I wish this device was around when we first started. His long term chastity wear would have been much longer than the 6 years we are presently at, and we would have had all of those extra years of enhanced and wonderful husband. Having said that, don’t immediately go out and buy the Holy Trainer Nub chastity device. Go out on Amazon or DHGate and get one of their cheap Chinese look alike devices first. There is a pretty large price differential between the legit HT device and the Chinese version. Do your fine tuning and trial and error in that knock off device first. When you have it dialed in there, then go out and buy the perfect and legit HT device. Why the real thing eventually? One you want to reward them for their hard work and good design. Second those knock off devices aren't as good. They have sharp edges were the base ring and the tube connect and they also use inferior plastic (our direct experience) so they retain odors more. Do the trial and error with them, but then reward your husband with the real McCoy, its worth it in our opinion. Our final plastic device at this point in time is the HT Nub and we love it for his long term wear and for its pleasing looks. He has a black and a white model and looks very cute and tiny in both.

So now the pink elephant in the room. How secure are chastity devices really? If you’re new to the chastity game this answer might surprise and irritate you. They are not very secure at all unless your husband get his dick pierced and incorporates that piercing into the locking of his device. In that case they are very secure. But otherwise, with not too much work and motivation and some slippery lube or shower soap, he's going to be able to fairly easily pull out from the back of these devices and escape his confinement. Its been possible with every device my husband has owned including the Nub. It doesn't matter how small diameter that base ring has been, he can do it if he wants to. And once he’s out with that same slippery soap or lube he’s able to stuff himself back inside and hide his unauthorized escape. Its also relatively easy to orgasm within a chastity device. Just apply a vibrator to the outside tube and have some patience, it will occur. So now your probably asking, why for the love of god bother with chastity at all if this is the case. What is it gaining you, and why does it work if its that easy to defeat. It took me a while to understand this myself, and I’ll agree with the consternation many of your are probably showing right now. This is my current and my husbands current and evolved answer to this question.

Our answer to this is that a man's chastity device is like his wedding ring but on a much more deeper and personal level. A wedding ring is a symbol of your love and respect and commitment to one another. But other than gaining some weight and developing a fat finger, there's nothing preventing you from pulling that ring off your finger and lying about your relational status. What keeps it on is respect and integrity to your relationship. In a way its a badge of honour. That’s how we view his chastity device. He wouldn't pull out on me because he respects my authority and loves me too much to cheat on me that way. And that’s 100% how I would view it. He would be cheating on me as surely as his having an affair with some office skank at his work. He knows I would be deeply disappointed and hurt by that action. That’s reason number one why it really works and he doesn't cheat on me.

Reason number two is going to be a bit more difficult for people to understand, unless they are involved in a serious and long term FLR relationship. He enjoys being locked up and cheating would ruin the entire dynamic of our relationship for him. The psychological element which makes an FLR relationship desirable to him in the first place, that being: control, levels of humiliation, servitude, holding me up as his dominant Goddess, and the entire sexual mojo cocktail which makes FLR so entrancing to men like my husband, that would be ruined as soon as he pulled out and cheated. It would ruin this entire mind fuck of a relationship that we both so heavily enjoy. He knows it and I know it. FLR and chastity has taken its own life in our long term relationship and neither of could stand to do without it at this point. So these two things make chastity work for us and negates the actual need for some sort of pierced locking to make things work. You will only come to realize this once you deep dive into an FLR relationship. Its stronger than any lock will ever be.

There is one final reason which may keep him being a good boy and not cheating on me. I have become so in tune with reading his body and emotions during prolonged chastity. He knows that I would immediately sense the bodily and behavioral changes he would experience if he had an unauthorized orgasm. This is 100% true. I know every drip from his cock, every emotional tear in his eye, every change in his sub attitude when he retains for me and when I give him an orgasm. Its a very easy read for me at this point when that switch gets temporarily flipped. He’s night and day different. On top of that he’s always been a horrible liar (he cant play poker worth a darn - he always tells his good and bad hands with his subconscious actions) So these three things then are what makes chastity really work for us. 

Having said all of the above and truly believing and knowing his security in the HT device is complete with or without a piercing, we have gone ahead and chosen to have him pierced. This was a couple of years ago. We have also updated his chastity device from the HT Nub to a Rigid Halfshell to take advantage of that situation. This is a custom made metal chastity device form Poland with an integrated PA locking mechanism. It’s dimensions are all made to our custom measured order. It was expensive but worth it to us. It’s very secure and also very comfortable for his long term wear. We love it. Why? Well quite simply we love the look, the feel and the heft of a metal device. Psychologically to both of us it seems so much more permanent and real. Physiologically it just one ups our entire chastity game to its highest possible level. Something about absolutely being 100% certain that he can’t  pull out and cheat on our relationship just makes us both super hot and horny. It just magnifies that feeling of total control for me and subservience for him. It really is just that simple. That’s the difference between using the HT Nub and the Rigid Halfshell device for us. Its all in our minds. We do occasionally go back to his wear of the HT Nub device. It’s still our go to favorite plastic device. Sometime you just want to change things up by switching between metal and plastic. Its a different look and feel. Sort of like wearing a different dress for a different occasion. As I mentioned earlier sometimes even the most perfect device will occasionally cause some sort of irritation to his delicate skin. In these cases we often find that simply switching temporarily to the other HT device will allow his sore or whatever it is to heal, while still remaining locked up. The HT still has its important place in our flr life. Again we would have never made the final migration to the Rigid device without having gone through that less expensive trial and error precision fitting that the cheapness of the HT device allowed us. So my take away here is the HT device is really fine and dandy. For strictly kink reasons we went to the Halfshell. 

Well that’s about it for me on this topic. I hope this proves helpful to some of you in understanding what chastity can do for your long term relationship. I really believe it has become a cornerstone tool in maintaining our relationship and developing it to new and better heights for us as a couple. Also, I hope I was able to shed some insight on selecting a better device for some of you and saving you some of that physical, emotional and pocket book pain associated with a prolonged trial and error process. Some times it pays to begin with a tried and true recipe first and then once you get some measure of success with that, then ad-lib and make it your own recipe.

 

AJ