This and That.... (Guest post by AJ)

Below is just a random collection of things relating to our personal relationship which I have found to be beneficial and which I feel contribute to the continuing success of our marriage. Some of these may have an FLR flavoring to them, but most I think are pretty generic and would apply to all types of relationships. Hopefully these may come in handy to some of you, even if its just as a reminder of something which you already do or which is already some part of your life, but just have forgotten to do or think about lately. Some of these might come in handy with Valentines day just around the corner…..

1) I still love it very much when my husband randomly and without being in any sort of “trouble”, brings me home a nice bouquet of flowers. Nothing extravagant, just those $10 grocery store bundles. It still makes me feel very special and loved.

2) I still love it when he randomly plants a kiss on my lips and tells me that he loves me (and means it). No ulterior motive working in his mind, just a simple genuine expression of love. Men don’t ever be stingy with this one.

3) Same as 2 above but this time me doing the talking and the kissing.

4) I watch my diet AND exercise regularly both for my benefit as well as his. Now that I’m in my fifties (sshhhh) those extra pounds seem to get put on quicker than in those earlier years, and are also considerably harder to work off. I also try to moderate my alcohol intake especially on these cold wintry and Covid influenced days (and nights). It’s important, I believe, to try to stay physically attractive to our spouses. A healthy mind and body are a big leg up on staying desirable.

5) What I just wrote above in 4, applies to him every bit as well. Given my position of dominance in our marriage, I am able to promote and enforce a healthier lifestyle for my husband. So this is an easier win for me had I (We) not been in an FLR.

6) Going further with the healthy mind and body theme, we make it a point to read books to keep our minds active and to stay active in the pursuit of knowledge and personal growth material. Every other Wednesday night we head to our local library. This is an actual date we have on our calendars. We each find a book of interest and try to read those books within the 2 week spans we have in between those library nights. As a woman, I find an intelligent mind extremely attractive. We kind of make a night of it, after finding our books, we head over to the local coffee shop and enjoy a nice coffee or tea, and a pastry or sandwich, and we just discuss life while we are there. Usually nothing sexual at all in our discussions (although some times I might play a little bit of footsie under the table with his little caged package), but I find the whole intellectual outing process alluring of itself. I believe that keeping the mind active helps prevent and ward off things like early onset Alzheimer's. Anyhow it works for us and we both really enjoy these nights out.

7) Turn the tables every now and then. The vast majority of days I am on the receiving end of his pampering, and he genuinely enjoys doing that for me, but everyone deserves an unexpected treat every now and then. So once and a while I give him the night off so to speak, and do some catering to his needs whether its a full body massage or whatever (no it doesn't mean he gets an orgasm…)

8) Be generous with praise and kind words. Be affectionate. What goes around, tends to come around.

9) Sometimes, believe it or not, I am not in the mood for sex. In my case, the vast majority of the time sex means oral from my husband and I really enjoy and love it most nights. But not every single night. Sometime you have your period as well… On some of those nights our “alternative activity” is for me to nurse my husband while laying in bed. While there is a slight sexual overtone to doing this as a couple, its mostly about sharing emotions for us. My husband goes to this deep wonderful emotional place when he’s at my breast, and… so do I. I love it. I have a post somewhere here on this site which discusses that further.

10) Surprise me every now and then and take me out to dinner. Emphasis on surprise. We don’t eat out often, for budgetary reasons and for the fact that we enjoy our own home cooked meals, but an occasional night out really hits the spot every now and then and makes everyone feel a bit special. The local diner is perfectly fine, doesn't have to be fancy and expensive.

11) Random foot massages/soaks and neck massages are always wonderful and appreciated. No FLR or sexual component needed. Random small scale pampering to say I love you and that I appreciate you. Again feel free to turn the tables on this one every now and then.

As I think of more items which we periodically enjoy and find beneficial as a couple, I will post again. Hopefully some of the ones I included above will resonate with some of you, and you can give them a try in your relationship if they are not already present. Enjoy life and one another. It can’t always be centered on sex. Keeping the passion alive in your relationship can take so many forms outside of that.

-AJ