There seems to be interest in this topic so I thought it would be fun for me to share my thoughts and ideas on what I am thinking about doing and get your input. If you've already done something like this, please share your experiences and ideas, If you have not done it, read along and share ideas on some of the questions I ask below.
Technically the bedroom is already is mine. When he confessed his submission to me, and agreed (or rather pleaded) to a formal WLM, he voluntary gave up his rights to ownership of these things, but there is a big difference in agreeing to it versus me taking action to deny his privileges. So what does taking ownership of the bedroom mean and why would I do it?
My idea of taking ownership of the bedroom is that the master bedroom is 100% mine to do with as I please and hubby is not permitted into the bedroom without my permission. It also means that none of his clothes and possession are permitted in the room. I will allow him to sleep in the bedroom but it is not a right for him. At anytime I may take away the right. I am usually in the bedroom before he is at night so I've thought about putting something on the door knob that would indicate whether or not he is permitted to enter. No permission means he must sleep in the guest bedroom. What do you think - any suggestions for what I can use? It would need to be something subtle as I would not want it to get the attention of guests that may be over or the kids when they are home.
Since he will not be permitted to have any of his possessions in my bedroom, one of the first tasks to be done is for him to move all of his items out of my room and into the guest bedroom. Now if you have a guest bedroom, and you are like us, the guest bedroom tends to get filled with junk. He will need to do some cleaning up and rearranging the guest bedroom in order to fit his items into the room. He may need to slim down his clothing collection. Slaves should not have a lot of clothes to choose from anyway, right? I may need to give him some specific instructions on reducing his possessions to fit into the space. Any suggestions?
Next, there will be rearranging in my bedroom to accommodate my preferences and moving in of my extra clothes that are stored in other places. As a Goddess, I have quite a collection of clothes but unfortunately not the luxury of a large walk in closet so many of my clothes are stored in other closets. I am looking forward to being able to have all of my clothes together in my bedroom. Thomas will need to organize and hang or fold my clothes neatly according to my instructions. Once complete, he will be required to do a thorough cleaning of the room and will need to make every shred of his items are removed.
This will be the first stage of taking full ownership of the bedroom. To make it fun, I will require Thomas to wear a slave outfit while he is moving items in and out of the bedroom for me. I am thinking collar, cuffs and panties will do. I may add a butt plug because that always puts him in a deep submissive state for me. Once the first stage is complete, the master bedroom will be officially off limits to him except for sleeping, cleaning, chores, or when I give him permission to enter for other reasons. There will be three golden rules for my bedroom that he will have to obey:
1. He is not to enter my bedroom without my permission. Even for chores (vacuum, laundry, etc.) he must ask for permission to enter my bedroom. I love the irony of him asking permission to to clean my room, rather than me ordering him to do it.
2. He is never to be fully clothed in my bedroom. Clothes must be left at the door before entering unless he is already wearing a slave or chore outfit. Those outfits are acceptable attire in my bedroom. No exceptions to this rule. If I ask him to fetch something out of the room for me, he must strip, fetch the item, and dress again when he leaves.
3. He is never to talk in my bedroom unless I ask him a direct question or give him permission to speak. When he is in my bedroom 100% of his focus will need to be on serving me and pampering me.
Phase II will be for me to redecorate the room according to my tastes. I may get a new bedspread, and add new pictures and decorations. Do you think I should have him shop with me for the items or should I just make all the changes and have him walk in one day to a completely new room? Which would be the bigger mind fuck?
There is one final piece of puzzle to this whole transition. I will make it clear to Thomas that the guest bedroom is to remain a guest bedroom. He is not to personalize it for himself and he is never to refer to it as his room. All his items must be out of site at all times. No shoes or clothes lying around, no bags on the floor, and no papers, receipts, or items of his are allowed on any surface in the room. Everything must be stored in a drawer, box, or closet at all times. If I see any visible signs of his items in the guest bedroom, he will be subject to punishment. This will surely make him feel even more submissive and controlled.
Why Would I do This?
Taking over the master bedroom is purely a fun power play. It is a fun way for me to exert my power and dominance over Thomas and to make him feel even more submissive and owned by me. This is what he craves and I know he will love it. It is a great way to spice things up for us and keep him obedient to me. Certainly I am also going to enjoy having the room all to myself, except for sleeping. It will be a nice peaceful haven that I can escape to and not be disturbed. The best part is that my room will still be cleaned by him, he will still wash and put away my clothes in my room, and my bed will still be made every day by him. These are all the amazing perks of being a Goddess Wife in a WLM.
What do you think? Let's hear some other ideas.
-Mz Kaylee
Wow, just wow. I am blown away. As is our custom, every time there is a new blog entry on your site Mz Kaylee, this post will be printed for me to read to Ms. K (my Wife) in our Sunday morning readings/meeting. I frankly don't know how she will react to what you will be doing. I'm certain she'll recognize all of the upside benefits, but not certain if it will spark an interest in this idea, at least for the time being seeing that our kids are routine visitors to our house (after us becoming empty nesters).
ReplyDeleteSince its not obvious to those that might be aware of the nature of our relationship that this whole idea is an act of love and devotion in a WLM, I do suspect that she would be worried that it would make the kids wonder if mom and dad are sleeping in separate bedrooms because there is a problem. There simply isn't enough room for any of my stuff to go in their (spare now) bedrooms, let alone all of it. I do a see a scenario where she might have an interest in the other associated rules of her ownership of the bedroom that she might be interest in. I will be anxious in both enthusiasm and "fear" of how she might react.
I know that you have said in the past that you have little if any interest in sexual relations with anyone other than Thomas, but wouldn't him being off-limits with your sanctuary offer yet another opportunity for a mind fuck? Just curious. Asking for a friend. *grin
Yes, there are many different scenarios that can play out with this concept. Moving clothes out is not necessary. So many options!
DeleteNo interest in other men. I got everything I need with my husband.
"No interest in other men. I got everything I need with my husband."
DeleteLove this!
I think this is a great idea. As for suggestions about how to let him know whether he is allowed to sleep in your bedroom each night, I think just locking it when you want him to sleep in the guest bedroom would send a pretty powerful message—he’s actually locked out of the room that used to be his bedroom. I know you want him to specifically get your permission to come in, but you could achieve that with a rule like, “Once you’re done all of your chores and are ready to go to bed, if I’ve left the door unlocked, then you have my permission to enter my bedroom. Any other time, you need to ask me before entering my bedroom. Most bedroom doors have a pinhole so you can very easily unlock them from the outside, so if he needs to come in while you are still in bed, like to bring you breakfast in the morning, once you’ve given him permission, he can just pop the lock. If he ever needs to get in very quickly in an emergency, I think most bedroom doors can be very easily kicked in.
ReplyDeleteI also really like the idea that the guest bedroom isn’t his room either. To add to that, I think it would be fun if you made a point of using the room for your own hobbies. Like if you sew, keep your sewing table in there, or use it as your office, reading room, etc. I think it would be pretty impactful that the fact that he has to keep his things put away out of sight is so that they don’t get in the way of your use of the room.
Locking the door - simple and effective. I like it. I do not want to use the guest bedroom for myself but I like the idea of putting something of mine in it. It's would be like rubbing it in his face a bit that he has to keep his stuff hidden but I can do what I want. Another sign of my authority over him.
DeleteMy suggestions would be tp ensure there is no lock on the door of your guest room. Secondly, keep one half of the closet occupied with your extra clothes hanging on the rail, and fill the top drawer of your dresser (that Thomas is borrowing the use of) with extra items. Occasionally Thomas could wash, iron, and return them to the closet or dresser drawer. It's your guest room so you should have access to it at any time. My wife knows all the passwords to all my personal electronics, but not the business laptop.
ReplyDeleteSorry but none of these ideas are practical. Lock needs to stay if I have guests. As stated in my post I want all my clothes in my room and it's already going to be a challenge to fit his clothes into the guest bedroom Thomas already washes and irons my clothes and the ironing will continue to be done in my bedroom as I enjoy watching him do it in a slave outfit. I already have access to the guest bedroom at anytime so that's nothing new.
DeleteI think its a marvelous idea to change the bedroom into Your Room, with all that entails. You have found a very simple but strong tool to strentghen the hiearchy in your relation.
ReplyDeleteI might suggest to my better half that she uses our room as her room, and I keep my items out of sight as you suggest. I think its something she will appreciate
Btw thankyou for your blog, it is wonderful to read of other couples lives, in a similar situation to ours.
Signed Nevernever/Sweden
Thanks :)
DeleteMy husband is not a slave but rather a servant, and I do feel he is entitled to some personal privacy, so I would not go as far as some of the above suggestions. However, his cock belongs to me and is locked when not in my prescence.
ReplyDeleteI have made it clear that the master bedroom is my domain and his access to it is a privilege rather than a right. But rather than him needing permission, he has free access unless he is being punished, in which case he might spend the night in the guest bedroom. This is extremely embarrassing for him because the kids notice and sometimes ask questions, and our oldest daughter, who is becoming aware of our WLM, will make comments like, "Oh, Dad's been kicked out again." I tell him he wouldn't be subjected to such embarrassment if he would behave himself and do a better job of worshipping me.
The master bathroom, which is very large, with two sinks on opposite walls and a jacuzzi tub and separate shower, is off limits to him. I got tired of the mess he made around his sink and his man stink. He does have to clean it, of course, and his clothes are in the walk-in closet through the bathroom (the closet where I punish him), but he is not allowed to access his clothes while I am in the bathroom, which sometimes frustrates him when he is in a hurry. He still needs to learn patience.
He shares an upstairs bathroom with the kids at the far end of the hall. He doesn't like that at all, as it can get quite crowded and cause him to wait. But I till him he earned it with his bathroom sloppiness.
Trina
Trina, Your comment about Tony’s banishment from your bathroom because of his “mess” reminds me of this story that was a clear precursor to our now more formal WLM: In the first couple weeks of our young marriage my Wife interrupted my TV viewing holding a spray bottle of bathroom cleaner and a rag. She motioned for me to follow Her into our small apartment bathroom where She first pointed at the sink, then the toilet and the floor around it. “Now you live with me,” She said, And it is disrespectful to me to leave the sink that I use like this and your pee drips all over. I expect you to clean up after yourself EVERY time you use the bathroom— because I have to use it, too.” A rag and the cleaner was kept under the sink. I did forget a few times, but when I did She would bring me the bottle of cleaning solution (without saying a word). It took me a few years to tell Her that I got an erection during that brief admonishment in the bathroom, and of course now I clean all three of our bathrooms and our double vanity in our shared primary bathroom. Edwin
DeleteWay to put him in his place Trina!
DeleteMz Kaylee
ReplyDeleteAs usual you are talented in exerting your dominance through clever ways. The fact that this will cause submission from him daily will really put him in his place. Sure that he will be aroused over and over with little on going effort from you.
As to redecorating, I would think it would be most effective if he was not included. This would demonstrate that he really has no say. This does not need to happen all at once, actually over time is a way to keep him focused on your dominance. Obviously, the more personalized and feminine you make it will really make him submissive. Small things can have a big effect.
Be very limiting as to how much space you allow him in the guest room, but allow for further downsizing as you move forward. Some redecorating in the guest room can also add to your authority and his submission. Being sent to the guest room only to look at your changes again causes him to relive it over and over.
You may want to kick off this process with a text laying out your expectations and timing. This is very effective because it allows him to anticipate plus reread your words over and over. On the day of the move, get him started and then go shopping for a few new things, leaving him to do the work. Have him give you updates and details. Set the expectation that everything should be moved but that if he is unsure to text you. Nothing makes me feel controlled like doing housework while the wife is out and then having to text for her direction or approval.
I’m sure you will come up with some great ideas to turn him into mush with this show of dominance.
MrLois
Good suggestions. I think changing/limiting the guest bedroom would be a bit too much but I like your other suggestions and will consider using them. Thanks for your ideas/
DeleteMz Kaylee: I can attest the "asking permission" rather than my wife ordering is a subtle but very demeaning (as well as thrilling) aspect to this, so much so that my wife has extended it to most of my other duties and/or services or tasks I'm expected to perform. I've even told her, much to her delight, that the act of asking permission is a subtle but constant reminder not only of our power dynamic but also an acknowledgement of her superiority and of my respect and admiration for her.
ReplyDeleteWhen we first did this sleeping separately sort of came naturally and frankly was a bit of a relief to me (initially) as my wife had just transferred so much of the chore load over to me that I needed those extra hours in the morning and night just to finish everything. She also had told me not to expect any orgasms for quite awhile (if ever), while at the same time getting quite annoyed if she saw or felt my erections in bed. So moving me to the guest room solved that problem for her.
Thanks for sharing Tim. Great insights. I still want him to sleep in my room but I know there are many couples that sleep separately.
DeleteOnly other "idea" I can think of is the bathroom...with all of my stuff moved into the guest bathroom my wife had more room there as well. Daily "deep" cleaning of her bathroom was also added to my list.
DeleteWhat a great post! If you are truly interested in receiving male suggestions then:
ReplyDelete1. I’d hang a ribbon on your doorknob when Thomas is not allowed to enter that would not be apparent to others who might see it and certainly explainable.
2. I would go shopping alone, bring the new items home, leave them in the car and have Thomas take them to your bedroom (in slave attire of course) and do the redecorating as you oversee his work. After he has finished
And you have put the ribbon on the door go and hang a paddle on your bedpost or wall where it cannot go unnoticed when he brings you your coffee in the morning. I will assure you that will have a dramatic affect on his submission mind reinforcing your authority.
Again nice post and good luck. I hope you will tell us how it went.
sw
Thanks for the ideas. I like your suggestions, except for the paddle. I am not really sure what the purpose of the paddle is?
DeleteYou are lovely devious – so many hot ideas Mz Kaylee! Doubling down on not only your bedroom but making his presence invisible in the guest bedroom too?! #ouch #grin
ReplyDeleteI’m going to break this up into several separate comments hoping that will make commenting about any one topic easier. I think you’ll see this new craving has been on my mind a little since your Submissive Refresh post. LOL
Like sub hub in phx said “I will be anxious in both enthusiasm and ‘fear’ of how (my wife will react when she sees this post).” I think I’ll move some of my stuff out of the bedroom closet and into the attic & garage. No reason...
Mateo
IDEA FOR A DOOR SIGNAL
ReplyDeleteA band of cloth or a necklace hangs on the doorknob. Usually it hangs on the knob doubled-up into two circles – meaning two people tonight. If it’s simply hung on the knob in the shape of one circle it means one person only. Super subtle would be a mark on the door knob escutcheon – twist it around to point up or down. A mirror or picture next to the door could have a signaling piece incorporated into it, a magnet? Or the signal could even be something inside the room if the door will be open either way. Better ideas would be a one-handed, quick and easy thing for Her to do. Personally I don’t love any lock-on-the-door idea, safety in event of a fire or earthquake or whatever needs to take priority. Seconds count. Just shut the door.
Mateo
Good ideas worth considering. Thanks!
DeleteSLIMMING DOWN HIS CLOTHING COLLECTION
ReplyDeleteDivide his clothes into 4 seasonal groups and 1 that’s year-round. The year-round clothing and maybe a few coats would be exempt, and the current season, say summer, would be hanging in his closet and in old used boxes in the guest bedroom closet or under the bed – not drawers, the guests might need the drawers one day. The clothes for the other 3 seasons each go into a vacuum sealed bag.** They can go up in the rafters in the garage, up in the attic or down in the basement. As seasons change he’ll need to carefully consider when it might be time to ask your permission to change out his wardrobe. He’ll need several days to get the change-out done. He’ll have to get all his previous season’s clothes washed, thoroughly dried, packed in with a moisture wicking desiccant and compressed. At the same time his new season’s clothes will need to be washed and ironed. But of course you want him prioritizing all his regular chores and responsibilities for you. During the year if he finds he needs a piece of clothing from another season he’ll need permission to unseal that bag. And it’s going to be discussed in the next disciple session for sure.
Be careful with vacuum bags, the last thing you want is to have to buy your slave husband a season or more of clothes because they got moldy or eaten by some little creature that he should have foreseen. He may not be able to save up his allowance for all that!
Mateo
Wow, that's a very specific suggestion. :} I like the seasonal approach but I am fine with him using drawers. I am not trying to make his life difficult. I am also fine with him switching out clothes as needed. I don't need to be bothered with such minor things. Thanks for the ideas.
DeleteREDUCING HIS POSSESSIONS
ReplyDeleteSome things are tricky for a wife in a WLM and one of these is getting rid of his stuff. There’s a fine line between his submissive kink saying go go and his weird joy about some thing saying stay stay. Finding space for his stuff in his part of the guest room closet or maybe under the guest bedroom bed will probably self-select the things that need to go. But for the other stuff, maybe you could have him research “how to minimize your possessions” and do much of the selection himself. Once he’s done that and if he still has more to pare down, then ask him for ideas on how he can present his stuff for you to make the decluttering choices. He sets out all his overflow out in groups of 3 items he’s lumped together: his old trombone, that second skateboard, and his sombrero. He knows one will go. You delete one. If he begs you to change your mind and delete the trombone, you let that be (But punish that in the next discipline session for wasting your time?) Maybe you give him one and only one free pleading. You walk over to the next group and delete one. Maybe you give him a reward for having to do this? Or a punishment? Whatever works for your marriage.
Mateo
Interesting approach. Fortunately, he does not keep a lot of stuff in the master bedroom so I don't think it's going to be that big of an ordeal. The biggest issues will be the amount of clothes. He has a ton of t-shirts and hoodies.
DeleteYOUR GOLDEN RULES
ReplyDeleteAre simply perfect! I would trip up occasionally on all 3 just from the muscle memory from years of this being my bedroom too. I imagine these will add up to 3 more spanks in the regular discipline sessions, at least for a little while.
Golden rule 1... every time, permission needed!
Golden rule 2... I can just see there being days where you’ll need this, then that, oh and this from the bedroom, one after another. Be sure he folds his clothes nicely when he sets them outside your door. Appearances!
Golden rule 3... will be so so focusing for him! I love it.
Are there a few personal items that he might need to have in your bedroom each night? What about the his phone at night, can he have a phone charger on the bedside table next to him? Does he get a clock? Can he place a bottle of water there?
Wondering... what are you going to do with the discipline chair, does it stay or go? That’ll be fun either way, knowing you Mz Kaylee.
Mateo
Yes, I am going to have fun with the rules! I had not thought about personal items, but I am fine with bringing needed things in at night as long as he takes them when he leaves the bedroom. Discipline chair stays - it is not his and discipline will still occur in my bedroom.
DeletePHASE II
ReplyDeleteA. Another thing to consider in the guest bedroom is that nice bedspread, the nice sheets, the lovely pillows... maybe in Phase II he should fold those up before going to bed and set them aside. Have him put on the old ones each night. And reverse the sets in the morning of course, you want that guest room to look nice every day. I sure hope he doesn’t have to spend a week in there.
B. Maybe for his birthday his present is a new box to put some of his clothes in!
C. Maybe there is the ONE occasion he is allowed to wear clothes into the bedroom: a punishment session he doesn’t know is coming. You invite him to put on a nice set of clothes, have him iron them of course, then you allow him into your room fully clothed, only to have him immediately strip naked in front of you and learn he is getting a punishment for something.
D. It’ll be so nice some day to have that architect and/or interior decorator design custom shelves and cabinetry for all your things, all coordinated by color or season or whatever – you can always have him move things around. All your folded clothes so lightly stacked so they don’t wrinkle. Sometimes all these clothes get to be a bit too much, you may want a tablet or computer so he can enter when you last wore something, if something is out for dry cleaning, all those little tedious details a Goddess Wife shouldn’t have to do...
E. Golden rule 3: This could escalate into rules for when he knows you’re in there but out of sight in the master bath or closet. A rule for how he waits when you’re in there and he can see you. A rule for when you’re not available to ask.
Mateo
p.s. - I'm working on a Reader Profile. I agree with someone who suggested that if you want to comment often maybe you should do this for Mz Kaylee.
You subbies are so funny when your submissive minds are spinning wildly. This is a lot of male fantasy and too over the top, but fun to read :)
DeleteTotally over-the-top, I know! LOL That was fun though, thank you!
DeleteMateo
In my humble opinion, there are many ways to make the primary bedroom in the house Her room without having him physically move out. The logistics of this depends a lot on the layout of the house. For example our primary bedroom has a bathroom with a double vanity attached and a walk-in closet attached to that. She has already made Her decorating statement in the primary bedroom — it is decidedly feminine in all colors, fabrics, artwork, etc. She would never want to be bothered by my asking permission every time I want/need to go into the room. She would find this intrusive. I have learned how to discern when She wants to be left alone. At those times if I really need to ask Her for something I know to go to Her and stand silently until She is ready to address my concern. At bedtime She will often give me a goodnight kiss and make it clear that I am “dismissed” and not to bother Her.
ReplyDeleteIt is my duty and privilege to keep Her drawers and closet neat and organized, clothes laundered, sheets clean and changed regularly, etc. It is Her room. I understand that I am in Her bed only for Her comfort (She feels safer having me present) and pleasure. I do not touch Her without permission or invitation. Setting up a separate bedroom would not work well in our house, although I 100% support the concept of being banished from Her bed (to sleep on the floor, the couch, or in another room, if a punishment is warranted. Edwin
Very true Edwin. What you describe now is our current situation and it works well. What I am proposing to do is taking it to a whole new level and it is not for everyone. A few points of clarification. I am not banishing him from the bedroom completely. He will still sleep in it, make the bed, clean it, spend time in it with me, be disciplined in it, etc. What's changed is that he either needs to be invited in or needs to ask permission to enter and his clothes will not be in it. Regarding asking permission, there is potential for this to become burdensome but we'll see how it goes. It should not be too bad because his stuff will be in the guest bedroom so he really would have no reason to enter the room other than sleeping, chores, or when I need him in the room. For things like making the bed, I may relax the requirement to ask permission so that I am not bothered every day, but in the beginning I want him to be subject to that tighter control.
DeleteI would suggest a biometric (thumbprint) lock for Your bedroom door. Practical, symbolic and likely a little mind blowing the first time he encounters it. Also, relatively inexpensive and very easy to install.
ReplyDeleteWow! That's taking it up a notch! Not practical from my point-of-view because then I would have to get up and let him in every time rather than just saying, yes you can go in. Very creative though.
DeleteElectronics are fun, most models also have a keypad entry also. You can turn authorize and deauthorize his code at will come your phone. No getting up needed.
Deletebut if he knows the code, then there is no point of having the lock. He will need to go in and out of the bedroom on a daily basis. For the purpose of what I want to do, a lock is not needed. The mind fuck is all about him having to ask permission to enter, not being locked out of the room.
DeleteWhereas the mindfuck for me as applied by my wife is my never knowing when I’ll be denied access to any of 3 rooms in our house simply by the push of a button on her phone. Different goals…
DeleteAs a Dominant aren't you responsible for your husband's (submissive) mental health and well being? I am extremely concerned that what you are proposing on doing (and being encouraged) will be detrimental to him. I feel that each spouse deserves rights to the "master bedroom". Each partner deserves adequate space for their clothing. I also believe a good partner also leaves some space in the "master bedroom" for their spouse for items of special meaning. With denying him the "master bedroom" you deny him all these things that a husband would mentally and emotionally need for his well being.
ReplyDeleteA concerned brother, Brent.
As a submissive who is totally devoted, I tend to agree with Brent. I see this whole kicking him out of the primary bedroom (and bed) as a bridge too far and totally unnecessary as well as hurtful. I like Elise Sutton’s concept of “Loving Female Authority.” Such a major change should be consensual, IMO. Edwin
DeleteI am not kicking him out of the bedroom. He will still sleep in it, will have access to it, and we'll spend the same amount of time together in it. He just requires my permission to enter. He will have adequate space for his clothing in the guest bedroom.
DeleteGood point on the personal items of special meaning. Perhaps I will allow him space either in my bedroom or the guest bedroom for a few things. Thank you for this input.
I also agree that this change should be consensual. Loving Female Authority is integrated into every aspect of our WLM. I would not make this change if I felt it would negatively impact his well-being. We are at a very mature level in our WLM and I can assure that this change will drastically improve his well-being because he craves this strict control and "loss of rights." It is not for everyone.
A brilliant post and a great way to exert your authority in a subliminal manner.
ReplyDeleteThe universal sign for do not enter the room is a pair of panties on the doorknob. For times when privacy is required, perhaps a black scrunchie could be used which will fit in the thinner neck of the doorknob and not be very visible. D (male reader)
ReplyDeleteIf you are talking panties on the door, then you must be single, lol! Scrunchie is not a bad idea. Thanks for the suggestion.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the all the suggestions. I added comments above. One thing I'd like to point out is that I am not kicking Thomas out of the bedroom. The amount of time he spends in the bedroom will not go down significantly. The difference is that he will need my permission to enter and he will be subject to my rules in the bedroom. We will still spend the same amount of time together in the bedroom. What will go away for him is the time that he may spend alone in the bedroom, but he will be able to do this in the guest bedroom.
ReplyDeleteI am a casual male websurfer. I have a question for the community here. How can you advocate for equality outside the home when you have a definite inequality at home?
ReplyDeleteThis question came to mind because of what the wife wanted to implement on her husband.
One thing that I'd add is that equality in theory doesn't mean each individual relationship is equal. There are plenty of men in the workforce with a female boss. It's just that, in principle, men and women have equal chances to apply for the "boss" job.
DeleteIn practice, modern marriages are forced to be "equal" on a one-by-one basis in ways that broader society isn't, and I think that's a big mistake. If most jobs work well with a "boss" clearly defined, then there's no reason not to expect that the benefits of this system wouldn't apply in marriage as well. My marriage became much more harmonious when we settled into clearly defined roles with explicit responsibilities. Some personality types really need this kind of responsibility structure to get things done and reduce conflict. The only new idea that WLM proposes is that sometimes (maybe most of the time!) the wife should be the "boss", and that men can be "trained into" enjoying the submissive role if it is defined using a more sex-centered narrative (men are just so easy to control using anything that seems sexy!) That means that female-dominant inequality works better in marriage (where sex is a powerful motivation for men) than in the workplace.
FemDom in a Wife-led marriage is a consensual relationship. Societal patriarchy is not consensual. Most male partners in these relationships asked for their wives to rake charge. I did. We continue to make all major life decisions together. Edwin
ReplyDeleteI met a Domme some years back who had been in a vanilla marriage for decades before Her husband confessed his submissive desires to become Her slave. Like many vanilla Ladies She had no idea about Femdomme but eventually learnt about it and began to poke Her toe into the FLR water. It ended up with a pet cage at the bottom of Her bed and Her husband, for the first several months of his enslavement, sleeping in it. She put him into a humbler, a collar and cuffs each night, then connected them in some way that it was slightly uncomfortable for him so that he would be restless and thus have time to think about what was happening to him, and then put him into the cage. This went on a few months. I am not sure for how long. Might even have just been a month. An interesting way to begin their new lives as Mistress and slave.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the blog, I'm learning a lot from the way you control your husband more and more
ReplyDeleteI am an older widowed man who is getting ready to try to find someone online. I was doing some online web surfing all sorts of sites and stumbled onto here. My question is - Are all the current woman available like this nowadays? Or did I just stumble across a niche?
ReplyDeleteDon't waste your time with online dating BDSM sites or any online dating sites for that matter. You will just waste your money and, worse, you will waste a lot of time. It will only lead to frustration and disappointment.
DeleteIf you want to find a potential Domme then look around your community. Go to cafes and talk to Women. Attend local functions or, best of all, find a hobby that you enjoy and then join a group or club that does that hobby frequently. Not a solo sport like paragliding or some other male dominated hobby or sport. Nor something that people do by themselves. Walking or hiking clubs are excellent. Badminton and tennis are others. But anything really where there is a good 50/50 mix of Women and men and where both sexes intermingle. Then talk to the Women. You will make friendships and, over time, you will work out whom you can trust and which Women have an interest in you. Become friends with several Women - not just one - and build up that trust and friendship. Eventually one Woman will ask why you are single - always a good sign of interest - and then you have a decision to make of what to tell Her.
Excellent advice.
DeleteI can't imagine my wife doing anything like this, mostly because she wants me in her presence as often as possible. I think she'd be happiest if I had to stand/kneel in the room quietly at attention all day, so that all her requests would be filled instantly. I can't recall her ever wanting to send me away so she could have time to herself.
ReplyDeleteThe idea of getting more closet space would appeal to her immensely, though. A big transformation of the last few years (since she claimed the credit card as "hers") has been the growth of her wardrobe, and the reduction of mine. My closet now has all her socks ("You put them on my every morning, so they belong there") and the walk-in is now very full, to the point where I have trouble finding all her things in it and often have to make multiple trips while dressing her to confirm I have the correct item of clothing. As this trend continues, having the husband give up space is less a "power play" and more a rational concession to the reality of how much space the wife needs for all the clothing she owns.
I do think there's psychological benefit in defining spaces as distinctly feminine to express underlying power dynamics. I think this happens even in normally vanilla marriages, and can be a hint as to whether a marriage has taken on WLM characteristics in a subtle or informal way. My wife is more stereotypically masculine in her aesthetics ("I want your toenails to be the ones with a pink pedicure, not mine"), so she's not likely to do anything like the decoration approach you describe. But I can imagine it would be a powerful reminder to your husband that he's a guest in your space, and lucky to be allowed there.
I also think it's good for a WLM wife to have some parts of her life that are hidden from her husband and mysterious to him, while preventing him from having anything hidden from her. For us, that's accomplished by her spending evenings with her friends or taking small road trips while I'm back home taking care of the house and children.
We definitely have some mystery in our WLM. When I go out with the girls he is not allowed to ask me where we went or what we did. We have done a few overnights where he stayed home and took care of the house and the kids. He was dying to ask about the last one and eventually did and got spanked for it and still didn't hear a word about it. I did tell him that we had a whole lot of fun and it was fine with me if his imagination ran wild. Which I am sure it did. Oh well!
ReplyDeleteTrina
Overnight with another man?
DeleteTrina,
ReplyDeleteYou seem to be having fun while staying in control.
sw
sw,
DeleteWe do a lot of laughing in our WLM marriage. We truly enjoy one another. We both love to tease, joke, wrestle. My bossiness is real but also a game. When I edge him during his two hours of nightly chores, with his bare butt sticking out of his apron, we are both laughing most of the time.
And to dispel the anonymous fantasy of the writer above you, I am happily MONOGAMOUS! My husband's cock is gorgeous and he knows how to use it (when I let him out of his cage)!
Trina
Your wonderful marriage sounds a lot like ours Trina. And likewise, we are also happily monogamous.
DeleteMentioning laughter is a pretty reliable indicator of when someone's story is real, as opposed to just being a male fantasy. Male fantasies are always super-serious and self-important.
DeleteEvery real WLM has lots of laughter (sometimes nervous laughter, to be sure!) and the conversations are constantly playful and absurd. It's essentially about getting to be a little bit silly around one another all the time, and yet having it follow rules that keep the normal duties of adulthood and household management happening. It's a little like the "Spoonful of Sugar" song in Mary Poppins. All the normal chores and duties are happening just like before, but they suddenly become part of a game instead of a burden. (Maybe a little less efficiently, since everyone keeps stopping for a really great kiss.)
What fantasy?
DeleteOne of the times we laugh most about now was the time we tried to have some kinky fun with chocolate and caramel. It was a sticky mess and I did not like it at all. It destroyed the mood for me but we laughed about it and still laugh about it today.
ReplyDeleteI am coming into a FLR from a different angle than most. My girlfriend is the one who is the one who initiated it. Something like this would push me over the edge and have me start the conversation on ending the FLR or ending the relationship. This action would be "straw that broke the camel's back" in our FLR. I think some of the dominants who are thinking about this better get their husband/boyfriend feelings on this well known. Again someone like myself it would be a FLR ender. Ted in Miwestern USA.
ReplyDeleteYes, you have a different perspective and are in a much different mindset than my husband. The thought of ending the FLR would never cross his mind because for him it is a fantasy come true and he craves to be controlled by me. You are right that that the husband's feelings matter and this is true for other decisions and changes that occur in the FLR.
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