For the door signal, I think I'll go with a scrunchie or rubber band on the door knob. If it is on the doorknob, he must stay out and sleep in the guest bedroom. It's subtle and easy to implement. I like the idea of locking the door but I have a dog that sleeps in the room and he will often come and go in the room during the night so keeping the door closed at night would not work in my situation.
I appreciate the comment that my slave husband should have some space of his own to display items and pictures that are meaningful to him. I will allow a small space in my bedroom for him to display such things. However, it needs to be neat and clutter-free and anything displayed will require my approval. I chose to have it my bedroom because I do not want the guest bedroom to have any personalization by him or to look like it is his room. Part of the reason for this is to reinforce his submission through restriction of what he can do, and part of the reason is to make this change less noticeable to the kids or guests that may wander into the bedroom. I also like the idea of putting an item of mine in the room. I can have my things displayed in the guest room but he can not. This is a fun way to remind him that I get to do what I want but he must follow my rules and ask for permission to do things. I've not decided yet what I will display or store in the room, but I will think about it. I may even leave different things in the room on a temporary basis. For example if I go shopping, I may leave my purchases in the guest room until I put them away.
I may also create some guidelines in which he has permission to enter the bedroom without asking me, such as if I leave for work and he needs to make the bed or if I am not home during the time in which he is supposed to clean my room. However, I will make sure these times will be kept to a minimum. I may require him to text me for permission or to notify me that he is entering the room. These guidelines will likely evolve over time as I see how things go with the change.
I want to emphasize that I am not implementing this to keep Thomas out of the bedroom. He will still sleep in the bedroom at night with me, he will still spend time in the bedroom with me for our typical routines such as ironing my clothes, giving me massages, doing his reviews/discipline sessions, and of course pleasuring me. He will make my bed every morning and will vacuum and dust my room when he does his chores. The amount of time he spends in my room will not significantly change. What is changing is that he must ask permission to enter it or be invited in by me, he may not keep his clothes and other items in my room, and he must follow my rules when he enters. If I am in the room and he wants to enter to ask me a question or to just hang out with me, In most cases I will not deny him entry but it will be fun for us that he will need to ask permission to enter and that he will need to strip naked to enter. I can assure you that these new rules will excite him and that he will have an erection every time he enters the room. The primary purpose for this new change is to add another layer of control and domination to our WLM through restriction of his rights and privileges in the WLM.
Our WLM is mature, and while many of the things we do may sound extreme to others, they are just part of our every day life. Believe it or not, even a femdom relationship can get stale. To keep things spicy and fun and to keep his submission strong, new levels of control are often needed. This new control that I will be implementing will make him feel even more submissive and beneath me. It will spark excitement and obedience in him. This is what he craves. I will of course also benefits from taking ownership of the bedroom, for all the reasons mentioned in the previous post. The change will hit his submissive nerve, while also benefiting me. Rules and actions in a WLM are more likely to be sustainable over the long-term when they achieve those two results.
Thanks again for your input and it is not too late to share more thoughts and ideas. The kids are sill home from college so it will be several weeks before I make the change.
-Mz Kaylee
Dear Mz Kaylee-
ReplyDeleteI loved reading the last post and this follow-up on your brainstorming about taking ownership in (and of) the bedroom. My Wife and i dabble with WLM arrangements and love to get creative and kinky with the details, just the way You described, but alas we don't get to indulge or immerse ourselves in the lifestyle as much as we'd like, due to family duties and work responsibilities and assorted social intrusions. Anyway, reading Your thoughts and Your readers' suggestions about placing personal things in either the master (mistress) bedroom and the guest room reminded me of something that my Wife and i have enjoyed doing in the past to express the power-imbalance of our relationship and to perform the submission and worshipful obedience that we both like me to display towards Her. Sometimes when i am put into "alone time" in one of the rooms or left "pre-occupied" in confinement or restraints, i am left with an array of photos of my Wife or objects associated with Her that I am expected to show respect to and admire and worship as a token of my submission to her, for affixed amounts of time and in predetermined ways. I know that this sounds a little ritualistic and somewhat like a silly game cooked up in the fetishistic mind of the male submissive, but it needn't be too overtly kinky nor play into the submissive's own desires too precisely to be an effective and demonstrative method of expressing the proper relationship between a Dominant Wife and her submissive husband. What if Thomas was given the privilege of keeping a nice framed photo of you or some token of Your personage in the guest room to which he was sometimes sent for the night, so that even though his permission to sleep in the main bedroom was suspended for the time being, You could still rest assured that he was admiring You appropriately and reflecting upon Your priority in the relationship, even when alone? Just a suggestion and a practice we would be interested in hearing Your thoughts about!
i thank You and all of the contributors for this wonderful blog and the informative, enlightening, and inspiring contributions You all make to the Femdom lifestyle with it!- Sissy Nina Lowell
The basic premise that rules and actions are most effective when they benefit you directly and hit his submissive nerve is dead on. My wife like to text and utilizes it constantly to accomplish just that. Doesn’t matter where we are or who’s around, she can achieve what ever benefit she desires and cause me extreme submissive feelings with basically no effort. To get expectations/directions as to additional chores when she’s out and I’m cleaning turns me into a hot mess. She expects a conformation that I received the message and that it will be done. I think if you utilized this texting tool it could be helpful when kids and others are around. The other thing is that submissives will go back and reread messages over and over. Very effective tool to create the correct dynamic.
ReplyDeleteSubhubby
Fascinating how WLM is so different for different couples. For us, I know that my husband would feel disenfranchised if he did not have open access to our bedroom. For us it's just a thing: married couples share a bedroom. Of course there are rules for him in the bedroom, as there are in every other room of the house. He has bedroom cleaning chores that must be done on time. I control our sexual interaction. If we are reading or watching TV, I decide when the lights go off. Often I will watch TV while his tongue is pleasuring me under the covers. I clearly am in charge, but I don't restrict his access unless he is being punished.
ReplyDeleteBathrooms are quite different for us, though, as I have related before. The master bath -- both sinks, the jacuzzi, shower and toilet -- are my domain exclusively. He only goes in there to clean or to access his clothes in the walk-in closet or to be punished in the closet. He has to share a bathroom down the hall with the kids, who also are not allowed to use MY bathroom! He does not like this, especially when he has to pee at night and has to put shorts on, since he is always naked when in bed with me. And sometimes one of the kids is peeing so he has to wait in the hall in the middle of the night or go downstairs to the powder room. Oh well!
Trina
Thanks for sharing Trina. I agree that it is fascinating how WLM is different for different couples. For example, I do not like giving harsh spankings and would not want to bring my husband to tears, yet so many people enjoy this aspect of femdom. I have also found that with my marriage, over time I am more open to trying new things and things that are more extreme. The reason I say "I" am more open is because in most cased, my husband is waiting for me to catch up to his level of desire for control and submission.
DeleteIt must be a loving marriage when the wife wants to kick her husband out of the bedroom. LOL
ReplyDeleteHe is not being kicked out of the bedroom. He just needs to ask permission to enter.
DeleteCouples sometimes sleep in separate rooms if they have differing sleep patterns, if they have to get up at different times because of their working hours for example. It does not mean that it is a not a loving marriage. And different people have different ideas of what constitutes a loving relationship. When I do something that annoys my partner and she tells me to bend over and present my bottom for a good paddling, I find this very much part of a loving relationship, as it avoids having an argument.
DeleteAnother anonymous boy.
We like to sleep in the same room and bed. She especially enjoys when I lay my head at her waist level and softly massage and kiss her legs/ butt until she falls asleep. She also enjoys when I wake her up with a foot rub.
DeleteI enjoy giving her pleasure and it honestly focuses me in a great way to start and end my day when I’ve had a long day.
Hi, your blog is fantastic. My Dominator wife also likes to put me to sleep in another room sometimes. She hasn't taken can in our room yet. But when I sleep in the other room I'm always tied to the bed or mummified, she doesn't care if I need to go to the bathroom at night, because I always sleep in diapers every night and depending on what I'm doing.
ReplyDeleteA few suggestions that have worked for us and are subtle: 1) kneel down/kiss the floor when entering Her bedroom, 2) wear a little picture of her in a necklace. The necklace sounds risky but it's not, and it's helped me (sub) stay at another level. She wears a cross and i was thinking on ways to do something similar, but have NEVER liked to wear anything (rings, watch, necklace) ... but one day, as a sign of devotion, i ordered online a small piece with Her face was printed. It was a surprise for Her, but i asked Her for permission to wear it alongside another religious symbol. She accepted. i've been able to show it to some people and it doesn't come as weird ... it comes as a marriage ring in a necklace. Outside, i mostly keep my necklace below my shirt, but there's times that it's visible and it's not a problem at all.
ReplyDeleteThe necklace, my cellphone (which has both the lock screen and wallpaper screen with Her picture) and my Apple Watch with Her face on it.
That is sweet in a relationship style to have a picture of your wife/serious girlfriend around. I agree no one would think anything of it except it being a person in love.
DeleteRegarding clothes, i've also simplified my wardrobe. My main work attire is office-relaxed: a polo shirt and jeans, so i have a set of plain polo shirts and a few jeans. i have a set of identical socks, shirts and shorts for sleeping/home. In a sense, it feels like uniform, very practical. I have a suit and a couple of dress sets, but the regular clothes i wear fit in a few drawers. My target is to have a clean/tidy but simple image.
ReplyDeletei've also moved out of Her bedroom. Our nightly routine is that i go to Her bedroom and stay with Her until She sleeps, then i move out to a room. i stay if required, but it's most comfortable for Her that way. For the children, we mentioned i snored some, and then we just continued.
ReplyDeleteDo any of you have a WLM where your wife stays at home/doesn’t work? Practically, how does it work with things like chores, cooking, etc?
ReplyDeleteI work a fairly demanding job and yet I would really like to take these things from my wife so she can pursue her interests. Sometimes though I just don’t have enough time to get everything done, and she ends up feeling bad and doing it. We’re not in a formal WLM or anything yet, though I’m doing my best to engage in the activities so she sees the benefits. Any thoughts?
It's important that expectations are achievable. Your wife should have high and challenging expectations for you but they need to be achievable so that you do not burn out. Your job is an important part of serving her. Think of it as earning money for her and money to giver he a better lifestyle. If you are unable to do chores because of your work demands, you are still serving her through your work. However, I would challenge you to add structure and routine to your home life in order to be more efficient and achieve more. It is amazing what you can do when you set time aside to do things and are focused. Also look at your work life - are there ways to do things better at work so that you can spend more time at home. Do you need to push back on your manager about having a proper workload or getting help. Work-life balance is important. Lastly, you can consider hiring help to do some of the work around the house so that your wife does not have to do it. In the end you have to do what works for both of you. If you can't take on a lot of the chores, offer to do the ones that she likes the least (cleaning the bathroom!).
DeleteMzKaylee, as always this is very wise advice. I really appreciate this because it pushes me to be realistic and also to look to see how I can be more efficient at both home and work, all with the goal of serving her better.
DeleteWhen I wrote this, we didn’t have room in the budget to hire someone to do the house stuff I couldn’t get to. But after thinking on this, I cut out a few of my personal expenses and took on an extra project at work that didn’t add any hours to my day. Now we can afford to pay for someone to do almost everything, and I fill in the gaps. She is thrilled and so am I.
I'm obviously in a very small minority here, but the biggest difference I see is how the relationships I'm seeing, and comment, take the whole FLR to the almost maximum level.
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I waded into this on a purely sexploratory form of expanding our eroticology.
Our sex life is 100% in her control. Anything she wants, she can have. Locked in chastity and encouraged and coaxed to only wearing lingerie under my clothing, and having my "pussy" regularly used, along with my love of making a woman cum repeatedly mouth...she can have any other lover, lovers...but my sexuality unquestionably belongs to her.
Outside the bedroom, adulting is a shared responsibility. We both cook, clean, shop, do laundry with a knowledge of who is better at what. Our FLR isn't about me meekly standing in her shadow or being less than an equal. Its about getting through life, side by side, as husband and wife, friends, each other's most trusted confidant.
I don't do this because she demands it. I do this because she told me her fantasy, then allowed me to discover it as who I am, not what she told me to be. We've laughed plenty tripping through mood-breakers, had easily some of the most mind-blowing sex we ever could have hoped for (and I've had a GREAT sex life before becoming submissive!).
She's as much concerned about the pleasure I get from this as I am about her.
I gave up my freedom for her to give her the freedom most women aren't given the chance to explore.
The adventure exceeded anything I could have hoped for...without sacrificing the mutual and self-respect we have for ourself and each other, in and out of the bedroom.
It is great to hear the perspective of someone who was brought into the lifestyle by his wife. Seems like most guys here asked their wife to be dominant. In that sense, you are the minority but as for how you FLR works, I would not characterize it as a minority view. Each couple has their own way of running their FLR, and yours is just a bit different then the way some people run theirs. I love the way you describe how your relationship is about getting through life together, laughing, and having mutual respect for each other. However. you seem to be implying that other FLRs do not have these traits but that is far from the truth. Any healthy FLR has these traits. Meek subs and forced submission is just mainstream fantasy.
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