The Annual New Year's Resolution Post

I have re-published this post from last year, with a few updates.  Enjoy!

This is the time of year that many people look forward to the coming year and think about what will they do better and how will they improve as a person. The typical resolutions you hear year-after-year include:

• Exercise more
• Eat healthier
• Be a better person
• Save more money
• Spend more time with family
• Get a new job
• Quit smoking

Wouldn't it be great if people thought about resolutions for their marriage?  It's not something I ever thought of until I transitioned to a WLM. One of the fascinating things for me about WLM, is that I am constantly assessing and re-assessing how things are working and looking for ways to make the WLM better (i.e. what can hubby do more of to make my life better :). If you don't do this, well I highly recommend that you do.

With a new year starting, there is no better time to take a step back and assess how the WLM is going, and then look forward and think about how you want your WLM to be in the next year. If your WLM went off the tracks and fell to the wayside, the New Year is a great excuse to bring it back to the forefront and try it again or revive it. Maybe you are not in a WLM, but you have been thinking about giving it a try. Now is the time to dive in! And if your WLM is humming along good, there's always room to try new things to keep the marriage exciting and fun. I enjoy trying new things throughout the year or changing up some of the rules and routines. It is fun and it helps keep Thomas motivated to serve me.

For the dominant wife, think about:

• What can I do better to motivate him to obey me and be my ideal submissive husband?
• What can I have him do to make my life better? 
• Added chores, activities, and/or responsibilities
• Better attitude; more listening.
• Being more proactive in serving you
• More pampering
• How can I be more dominant and strict with my husband?
• How can I add more structure to the WLM in a way that caters to his submissive desires while making my life easier?
• What new rituals or routines can I add to increase his devotion to me and improve his performance?
• Are there rules and routines that should be eliminated because they are just not adding value or to make room for new rules and routines?

When thinking about these questions and what you want, also think about specific actions you can do to make your resolutions and goals happen. Then set specific goals of how you will improve your WLM and dominance over your husband, and the steps you will take to achieve these goals. It's important to be specific and to identify the steps to achieve your goals. This will increase the probability that you will follow-through on your goals. For example, suppose your overall goal is to be more strict with your husband. If you set that goal and did not think about anything else, you are not likely to achieve the goal because it's very general and you've not identified the action items you need to do to be more strict. A better way to write the goal is: 

I will be more strict with my husband by doing the following:

• Telling him what to do and not asking
• Making a weekly list of tasks for him to complete 
• Providing him feedback immediately when I am not satisfied with his performance
• Disciplining or punishing him when he slacks off or disobeys.
• Holding him to high expectations.

The above goal is specific and contains action items and therefore, sets a clear path for you to achieve the goal, as well as measure how well you are progressing to achieving it. It is also important to write your goals down. Those who write their goals down are more likely to achieve them. Writing out your goals also provides a mechanism for you to review your goals regularly so that you stay on target. On a monthly basis, read through your goals to refresh what your plan is and refocus as needed. Finally make sure your goals are achievable. Don't try to do too much at once, or you'll stress yourself out. Think about spreading things out over the year.  I like to break the year up into quarters (every 3 months). If you want to keep it simple set goals for the first half of the year and goals for the second half of the year. Here's an example of quarterly goals:  Q1 (Jan-Mar): Become more strict, Q2 (Apr - Jun): Train him to do the laundry, Q3 (Jul - Sep): By September, he will be able to go 1 month without orgasm, Q4 (Oct - Dec): He will bathe me at least once a week. 

Don't get too worked up if you get off track or if something does not work out the way you planned. It's ok to be flexible and adjust goals if your situation changes. The key is to regularly review your goals and get back on track if you've gone off the rails a bit. Believe me, my WLM has gone off the rails several times in the past. The way I got back on track was to reset and re-establish rules and routines with Thomas. Usually I started with a punishment or tough discipline session with Thomas because that always gets him to refocus. Something I learned over the years is that the sooner you react to issues or challenges, the easier it is to recover and that it is never to late to get back on track. For example, In the goal above, I listed 5 action items. Suppose you started off the year and only did one action item. Don't let that discourage you. That is still progress. Doing one thing is better than doing none. Instead of giving up or beating yourself up over not doing the other four items, keep moving forward with the goal and try to do more.

It is rewarding when you set goals and achieve them, and for the WLM, it has a very positive impact on you and your marriage. Every year, I feel like my WLM progresses to a new and exciting level and that my husband and I grow closer together. When I look back over the years, I am amazed and how far I have come as a dominant wife and how much our marriage has changed for the better. It does not happen by itself. It takes commitment and planning, especially in the early years, but the payoff is well worth it.

Happy New Year!

-Mz Kaylee

Submissive Birthday Fun

Birthdays in my house are something special. When it is my Birthday, I am treated like a Queen, pampered, showered with gifts, and not having to lift a finger.  It is my special day and I love it! On my submissive husband’s birthday, he gets a different type of treatment. Let’s just say that for me, it’s very similar to my Birthday.  I get pampered and treated like a Queen. What is different is that I do have to lift a finger. I lift a finger to order him to fetch me things and run errands for me. I lift a finger to give him one spank with my riding crop for every year of his life. He’s a few years past 50 so he was a little red afterward. Now don’t be concerned for him- they were playful spanks. I like to hold his cock while I spank him and he was practically cumming in my hand during the spanking. The bottom line is that on his birthday, the strict and demanding Mistress in me surfaces.

This year on his special day, I had him bathe me and shave my legs. Then I slipped into a latex mini-dress and black heels with studded straps around my ankles – one of his favorite outfits. Next, he was ordered to his knees to worship my shoes with his tongue. Soon after his tongue was worshipping my ass as a reminder of his place in our marriage. His next treat was an intense cock tease from me. I brought him to the edge of orgasm several times. Then I tied him to the bed and queened him until I came all over his face. So delicious!  Now you may think that the grand finale for him was an orgasm. Not so! I stopped giving him birthday orgasms several years ago, when he came up with this not so brilliant idea that he should be able to have sex with me on his birthday, without any control from me and no restrictions. In other words, have sex with me like a regular man. Ha! Was he crazy!  When he first suggested it to me, years ago a few weeks before his birthday, I kept my composure and told him I would think about it.  Then on his big day, I informed him that his request was denied!  I told him that he gave up that right the day he committed to a FLR and asked me to control him. I let him know that as a submissive husband he will never get to have unrestricted sex with me. I remember his cock getting harder the more I talked about this. I think he was dropping into subspace as he heard his fate laid out for him.

Back to his current night…after my orgasm, I left him tied to the bed to calm down, and then I went downstairs to relax.  About 30 minutes later, I untied him. Happy Birthday Husband!  The gifts on his birthday are quite fun too. I love the irony that the gifts I give him are things that make him mushy and weak for me and push him deeper under my control. This year it was a pair of silk and lace panties and a butt plug that is slightly larger than the current one he wears when doing errands for me. Out with the old and in with the new! On his birthday, I made him force the new plug into his ass and slip into his new silky panties. And yes, he was weak and all mushy for me in no time. Fun!

Hearing all this, one may think I am cruel and mean to my husband. I still laugh at how one year, many years ago, our young daughter saw me ordering my husband around and she said, “Mom, how come you are making Dad do all these things for you. It’s his birthday.”  My husband did not miss a beat, and said to her, “It’s okay. I enjoy doing these things for Mom. I like to make her happy.”  He was being totally honest.  For a submissive hubby, being subject to the control of the strict Mistress is a dream birthday. Years ago, I would ask my husband what he wanted for his birthday. His response was always the same – “You don’t need to buy me gifts. Just give me a night of intense domination.”  After a few years of hearing this, I finally stopped asking and just planned a fun day for him and me.

-Mz Kaylee

Shaping My Husband

The ability to shape your husband into your perfect submissive is an exciting element of WLM. It is a powerful feeling when I realize he has been molded by me. It’s also fantastic because it means he has changed his behavior to something I desire and something that benefits me. Shaping does not happen overnight. It takes time, training, and conditioning. When you are shaping your husband, it is like breaking his habits and training him with new habits. Various research indicates it takes 18 to 254 days to break a habit. Shaping in a WLM is about changing lifelong learned behaviors, so my guess is that the timing is more towards the high end of the range (254 days). Some things require time and experience to get him to a mindset to want to do the desired behavior and so it may take years before the molding is complete.

What does it mean to be shaped? It is not just training him to do something. It is about creating a behavior or attitude that is instinctive for him. It is about changing his actual thought process. Let me give a few examples:

Chores: He does chores consistently to my expectations without me having to tell him what to do or when to do it. He gets satisfaction out of doing his chores and it bothers him when they are not done. My husband will often turn down requests to do things with his friends because he knows he needs to get his chores done.

Yielding to me: It is instinctive for him to yield to my decision making and to my desires. Arguing does not occur to him or is a very rare occurrence. When presented with options, it is instinctive for him to defer to me or to choose the option that benefits me rather than him.

Seeking my approval for social activities: He does not make plans without consulting with me. He will defer to me or direct friends to me when scheduling social activities as a couple. It is an automatic reaction to seek my approval versus him having to do it because I require it.

Sex: When he thinks about sex, he is thinking about orally pleasuring me and not PIV sex. He has no expectations for an orgasm or being on top. His pleasure comes from my pleasure, and he desires to be beneath me, pleasuring me.

Notice how in the examples above, the behaviors and things he is doing are instinctive or desired by him. That is when you know he has been shaped. These are all real examples of how my husband has been shaped. Things were not always that way with him. The shaping and conditioning occurred over many years. Some shaping occurred without us even realizing it. In some ways, I was even shaped by the experience, as I learned to be more dominate and controlling. These days I am more intentional about shaping, such as getting him to be more purposeful in his talking. Whether it’s purposeful or unintentional, it is exciting when I reflect on his behavior and thought process today versus years ago and I realize he is a different person because of my influence and control. 

How about for you submissives? Is it exciting to be shaped by your wife or female partner? When your thoughts and actions have been permanently influenced by female power, is that a huge mind fuck for you? How have you been shaped? Do you fantasize about being molded a certain way by your wife or girlfriend?

=Mz Kaylee

Follow-up post to "How Has Your FLR Progressed?" (Guest post by Buttercup)

Below is a post that was submitted to me by Buttercup, a Female leader, in response to my post earlier this year, asking how everyone’s FLR has progressed over time. It is wonderful and enlightening to hear other peoples real life experiences with FLR. Thank you Buttercup for sharing.  -Mz Kaylee 

 

It was just over a year ago that my BB (Bitch Boy) asked to move our interludes playing with a FLR into a 24/7 lifestyle.  In many ways it was an unknown destination that had been part of our 25 year marriage for a long time. Yet, it was still a shock to both of us to take the step and make the commitment. The longest we had gone with BB in chastity prior to this request was 8 months.  It had ended in a heated argument and extreme frustration on both our parts.

 

BB’s sexuality has been the driving force behind our early adoption of chastity as play and now the FLR.  I would say that up until a year ago my greatest contribution has been a willingness to participate in dress up and role-play scenes without (too much) judgement of his submissive mindset.  I never identified myself as dominant but some experimentation took me out of the submissive camp early on. But our play always revolved around the “fantasy.” His – not mine.  Me in corsets, and heels – teasing and denying him right to the edge. And then repeat.

 

It has taken me a long time to really wrap my head around the concept of a FLR.  There were many reasons for this but primarily:

1) it was always “play” and didn’t really extend to me having full control over anything

2) in “regular” life, BB has a very forceful, type ‘A’ personality that created certain dynamics in our relationship that aren’t easily set aside

3)I am, by nature, a giver and want to do for others. Demanding service from BB has required a significant mind shift.

 

Nevertheless, after two years of Covid and on the cusp of having teenagers ready to leave the nest, both of us were taking stock of what we wanted for the next phase of our life.  This was part of the lead up to the conversation of adopting a full time FLR. This may also be the right point to interject that monogamy as a concept was never something I fully understood or embraced.  BB’s absolute disinterest in any form of discussion on the subject boxed it into the fantasy category but a restlessness persisted in me – especially during the doldrums of child rearing.

 

It was a game changer that, when BB approached me about a full-time FLR, he acknowledged that full-control extended to my sexual exploration as well as his. If I wanted to take a lover, for example, he would have no choice but accept it. In my eyes this raised the stakes and levelled the playing field.  Finally, I could truly see something truly in it for ME. 

 

Now, since that time, I’ve realized that an FLR offers many things for me.  But that was definitely the hook.

 

A year later we have made a lot of progress turning our FLR into a workable lifestyle. We still have one child at home so our shifts have had to be subtle and often behind closed doors.  There have been a couple heated blow-ups but both of us agree that there is no “going back.” We can only continue forward in whatever form our relationship takes.  BB freely admits he is better under my control. And I, as his Queen, continue to broaden my control and flex my power while exploring the outer edges of my personal boundaries.

 

There are ebbs and flows to this dynamic like any relationship. But, our FLR is a constant topic of discussion between us.  What’s working, what’s not?  How do we manage it when one of us is away? How to keep BB in a submissive mindset? How often does he get to orgasm? What is the role of punishment and discipline? And of course, what about moving into a non-monogamous lifestyle (for me anyway)? I’ve decided that non-monogamy is something we’re not quite ready for.  There are too many kinks still to work out in our day-to-day FLR but it’s an exciting possibility on the horizon.

 

This move to an FLR has made us both feel like we’re embarking on a brand new relationship – even though we’ve been married for almost half our lives. The problems that we have, feel like good problems instead of a tired rehashing of the same marital conversations.  We have more honesty now with each other than at any other time of our relationship and our sexual chemistry has only gotten better. 

 

As BB’s Queen, the next 25 years will be under my control.  This is my world now – he just gets to live in it.

-Buttercup

The Strange and Exciting Submissive Male

This post is a culmination of all the things I’ve learned about submissive men through my own experience with my husband, through hours and hours of reading I have done on FLRs/Femdom, and through the many people whom I’ve corresponded with over the years since I started “Femdom Think Tank.”  I was inspired to write this post from recent comments on the blog bout how chastity devices were barbaric and cruel. I often see comments on my posts where people say I am not loving or that they feel sorry for my husband. When I see these comments, it is obvious to me that they are from people who are not naturally submissive and do not understand the submissive mind. They don’t understand that there are thousands of men who dream of being locked in chastity and being held captive by a female. It is just how the submissive mind works! I can tell you with 100% confidence that my husband is happy and is living out his fantasy. He would be depressed if we went back to a normal marriage. There is also no debate that our marriage is loving. We are a very close couple and are very much in love with each other. Having a WLM has made us communicate with each other more frequently and openly and has strengthened the bond between us. I can understand how those who are not submissive would react in a negative way to some of the more extreme forms of domination. Hopefully this post will bring some understanding that female domination in a loving relationship is not about being cruel but is an expression of love. Enjoy! -Mz Kaylee

I believe that many men are naturally wired to be submissive. They are born this way. The Natural Born Submissive man thinks very differently about women and sex compared to other men. It is almost as if they live in a parallel universe…a 4th dimension. At first these submissive men just barely touch on that 4th dimension. It lives in their daydreams and fantasies. If they are lucky enough, they discover a female who taps into their submission and they are slowly or perhaps quickly immersed into this parallel universe.

Natural Submissive Men (NSM) have a much different attitude toward females and sexual situations compared to other men. They are on the shy side when it comes to sexual or intimate situations with new females. NSMs are hesitant to make the first move and are secretly hoping she does. In their fantasies, the women are almost always dominant towards them. The NSM fantasizes mostly about a woman strongly coming onto them or that the female is forcing them into a sexual or humiliating situation. Being tied up or captured by the female may be a recurring fantasy. As they delve deeper into their submissive fantasies, and become highly aroused, their fantasies become more bizarre or extreme. Some common themes that can become arousing for the NSM are being feminized, bound and spanked, teased about their small cock, treated like a dog, or being forced to eat their cum or drink their pee. Are these fantasies that non-submissive men have? Probably not. I’d venture a guess that most men would find these fantasies to be ridiculous and off-putting. The NSM may feel ashamed after masturbating to these fantasies but he can never stop himself from having such bizarre fantasies.

So far I’ve just touched on the fantasy aspects of the NSM. It is unfortunate that a lot of these men never make it past the fantasy stage because of social norms that make them feel embarrassed or afraid to admit their submissive desires to a female. I would also imagine it is a challenge to find females willing to entertain these desires. For those men who are lucky enough to find a female who is willing to tap into his submission….well that’s when things get real interesting….That’s when they move into that parallel universe.

The NSM has a deep burning desire to feel controlled and manipulated by a female. Succumbing to her authority is arousing to him. Being seduced by her into doing something humiliating or against his will is arousing to him. The particular scenarios that excite him may vary from one man to another but the overarching idea of being seduced or manipulated is what arouses naturally submissive men. So a common theme here is arousal. Yes, the NSM is highly driven by his dick. Of course, that is the one thing he has in common with most men (Ha! ha!). The difference is that NSM’s arousal is derived from being submissive whereas other men are aroused by more typical sex scenarios. In fact, the submissive scenarios would likely be a turn-off to other men and seem bizarre and even cruel. On the flip side, the typical man’s fantasy may seem too dull or normal to the submissive man.

So the NSM who connects with a dominant woman, suddenly finds that some of his fantasies become his reality. He craves for his girlfriend/wife/Mistress to be strict with him. He wants to be punished. He wants to be spanked and humiliated by her. These things give him an erotic rush. His desire for the rush is so strong and he knows these things are not typical and so he is willing to do whatever it takes to please the woman in order to experience these things. Her acknowledgement of his submissiveness and kinks is acceptance of him, and that make him feel good.

The exciting and a bit dangerous thing about submission, is that it is addictive. When a female taps into his submission, it is exciting for him and it is never enough. The more she taps into it, the more he wants it. This is what creates power for the female. The dominate female uses that power to force obedience from the submissive. This is where we enter the 4th dimension that is highly misunderstood by those who are not submissive or dominant. In this dimension, humiliation, manipulation, and punishment are accepted and part of the norm. Orgasm control, and yes – locking up his dick, are not only accepted, but are exciting aspects of the relationship for many people.

The smart dominant woman uses these tools to motivate her man to serve her, work hard for her, and elevate her to a Goddess status. It is not cruel at all. Quite the contrary it is a win-win…a perfect symbiosis. He gets to live out his fantasies and she gets to live like a Queen. Furthermore, when he is in a meaningful relationship and channels his submissive craving towards serving his partner, suddenly his need for domination becomes meaningful and fulfilling as opposed to just empty fantasies.

I refer to it all as a parallel or 4th dimension, because to the typical person, the inner workings of a FLR seems cruel, strange, and perverted. However, when you are in this parallel universe, immersed into a loving female led relationship, these “strange and cruel” things are actually motivators and acts of love. My husband lives in this parallel universe. It always amazes me at how much he wants to feel my control. He thinks about it and desires it on a daily basis. Orgasm control and the use of longer term orgasm denial has made his desire to be controlled even stronger. When I tease his cock to the brink of orgasm over and over again, his mind transforms and he wants to be completely dominated, humiliated and manipulated. This is his sub-space. It is like the more perverted or more extreme the humiliation I exert, the more exciting it is for him. When he is in sub-space, I can make him do or agree to just about anything. It is exciting for him and it is exciting for me to have complete control over him.

By the time I’ve pushed my husband into that subspace, I am also highly aroused because it is exciting for me to see him consumed in his arousal and completely subservient to me. Most times, I will take advantage of the situation by ordering him to pleasure me ins some way or I will be very dominant during sex, using him like my own personal sex toy. It always makes for great sex. While that is a fantastic scenario for him, it is not his ideal outcome. Remember, in his crazed aroused state, he desires perversion or humiliation. On Some occasions I will entertain that desire. I may gag him with my used panties or order him to worship my ass with his tongue or I may take him over my lap and spank him with my riding crop. I’ve collared and leashed him and walked him around like a dog. Making him stand perfectly still while I inspect his body is another fun thing to do. Something totally unexpected that I discovered, is often times these weird kinky moments become deeply intimate and bring us closer together as couple.  Weird right? If I had not experienced it, I would not believe it myself but it is true and I have had others share that they have experienced the same type of emotional bonding. My sense is that the willingness of both partners to let go of their inhibitions and be vulnerable with each other, allows them to connect on a deep level. It is amazing and very exciting.

It seems to me (and I could be wrong), that this deep level of intimacy with female domination can only occur in relationships where there is trust and love. When there is both trust and love, each person can completely open up and be vulnerable without concern. I mentioned earlier that the nature of NSM can be dangerous. NSM are vulnerable to strong dominant women and if a woman has bad intentions, then NSM are susceptible to be taken advantage by her and to being hurt. For this reason, it is important for the male in a newer FLR to set boundaries and approach the FLR with caution.

However, the naturally submissive man who finds himself in a loving female led relationship, will find bliss and fulfillment is serving and yielding to her. He knows that her dominance and control are acts of love.

-Mz Kaylee

How Has Your FLR Progressed?

In many of the comments and in some of the profiles on this blog, people often mention they are new to the Female Led Relationship (FLR) lifestyle or just starting out.  I like to hear that those new to exploring FLR are visiting my blog, because the main purpose of my blog is to teach others about FLR and help them along in their journey of discovering the greatness of FLR.

I'd like to hear from those of you that have recently started a FLR (within the last 5 years). How have you been moving along in your FLR journey? What are things that you like and what are your biggest challenges and frustrations. Are you stuck?  If anyone has given up on the lifestyle and are still checking in with this blog, please share why you gave it up.  

If you comment, please indicate how long ago you started experimenting with FLR. Those more experienced in FLR are welcome to comment as well.

-Mz Kaylee

This and That #2 (Guest Post by AJ)

Cruel and unusual? ...

As of writing this, he's currently at 147 days since I let him have his last full blown orgasm, so you might have me at “unusual”, especially if you are more of the vanilla mindset. But cruel ?…. I’ll let you be the judge after presenting my case.

Judging by what “I” am reading within the lines and between the lines from his daily journal entries he is in a state of marital nirvana. His mind is in the mental mush land where he enjoys it to be. Every added day of sustained mush is like adding another 1000 slow teasing caresses on his cock with my silky mouth and lips. I think I can best describe his denial as a form of Chinese water torture, but of a very pleasant variety. What's going on in his mind is way way better than what could potentially be going on physically between his legs for those occasional 2 minute sprints if he was still living life as a normal vanilla man and just having his orgasms when ever he felt like it. From witnessing his generally enthusiastic and content everyday behavior in and around the house I have to believe he is no worse for the wear. If he was living some sort of miserable existence, I doubt that it wouldn’t bleed over to all aspects of life both in the bedroom and out of it. You can’t disguise happiness.

From seeing that all important telltale drip coming from his caged cock almost on a nightly basis as he feasts upon my temple of love, I know that he is 1000% enjoying that bucking bronco which is his chastity, orgasm denial, and edging ride. Believe me, as he licks, sucks and caresses my body he is not just going through some sort of expected obligatory motions. He is into it with every fiber of his mind and body. He looks forward every night to the gymnastics which go on in our bed, and his penis never see’s a single lick of attention by and large when that occurs. He is energized!

Ok I think that I would say I can rest my case for him, but what about me? What am I, his loving wife, getting in return for my energy and efforts expended with this… What do I get in return for all of the “lost cock”?  It takes energy and continued creativity on my part to keep his mind in mush land.

As already mentioned, I have a very happy husband. If he’s happy and content that’s a large part of what also makes me feel content and our marriage smooth. As  already mentioned, I have one well tended garden. Enough said.

Additionally, I know from the smile on my own face, having that wonderful freedom of to do as little housework or as much household chores as I choose to do or not do,  is a supreme gift from him to me. Sex is always wonderful, but having him step up to the plate so selflessly and enthusiastically on the domestic side is indeed a treasured gift to me. Honestly, what's not to love as a woman with this situation? I am the pampered sovereign Queen of my Kingdom.

I speak a lot of “his” mind mush with this whole topic. But I also experience my own versions of the same sort of mush. This has really been a development over time for me. It took some time in the lifestyle for this to come to pass and for me to admit to it. When I see him in his teased and tormented bliss, I achieve a huge degree of satisfaction in placing him there. I know that its my confident and determined driving of the marriage which is getting him to that state. There’s always a certain joy in work well done. A certain naughty side of me has surfaced as a direct result of our lifestyle. Its become erotic, its at times wicked, and its certainly sensual many times. It makes me physically wet to tease him to death. There is even a certain level of excitement and eroticism that I feel when I discipline him. Draping a man over your lap and whipping his naked backside with a belt can be strangely satisfying and stimulating.  I can honestly tell you that these are not feelings I experienced previous to our FLR lifestyle but they have become enjoyable elements for me as this has progressed. My mind gets a bit mushy with all of this as well and I think I have developed my own sort of physical and mental need for it. There, I have said it and its on record! I am one truly satisfied and happy wife in all aspects of that definition, and he really is one extremely lucky cowboy to have a bunk on my ranch house! All it took was for me to learn how and when to apply my spurs and to get over my initial fears of digging them in too deep.

The future of his orgasm…

So far he’s only had one of his three guaranteed full blown orgasms this year (our verbal contract so to speak). I think I'm going to save the remainder of his orgasms for his Christmas present. I want us both to experience what the longer haul of denial will bring from him.  He’s holding up well, and I think he has it in him to go a longer distance. We’ve done plenty of half marathons with this so far and I think my little stud is trained and ready for going to his next level. So he's got some time ahead of him yet before he gets to  escape  from Alcatraz (with the nice Wardens help). I think were both up for the challenge and its good to push the boundaries a bit. Asides from all of the positive chemical and physical mojo type stuff being developed by his continued chastity, denial and edging, I think he is also attaching a sort of air of pride in himself for being able to continue his streak. He's really learning through living that while he has given up his physical orgasm up to me, to a large extent for our relationship, he is in return experiencing and feeling so much more by having done that. It a very large net positive for him (and *Me*) and not the opposite. Unless you are a couple actively practicing within this sort of activity (especially long term!!!), its difficult really to visualize this dynamic well, but it really does work if you can make it past those those early teething pains when your playing and experimenting with this life. It has to go through a developing and nurturing  phase where you both learn what works and how (and if). Suddenly when your not looking and are of an open enough mindset to accept it, your own marital nirvana can be right there for the both of you.

His chastity device…

Taking into account some of the past comments made from my chastity device blog post a while back, we've also experimented with a new plastic device for him. We've purchased a Cherry Keeper Short Headlock device for him. That was about 2 months ago. So far we are really liking it as the new alternate plastic device to his gold standard device which is the metal Rigid Half Shell. For kink heightening reasons, that's still our favorite device because of the PA locking device which it incorporates. We had discussed this as equals since it is a physical alteration to his body, and then had him pierced just so we could experience the full benefits of the locking device. We know that's its physically impossible for him to cheat from his lockup with that device since pullout from the back of the device is not possible while it is locked. He can still sneak an  orgasm if he really wanted to, but that's another already covered story and its not going to happen at this point in his submission to my authority. Asides for the anti pullout aspect, we also like the look and heft of a metal device the best, it just conveys an overall attitude of permanence and reality to us both. So that is a real turn on to us both to put it lightly. 

But having said that…  I like to occasionally mix it up for us by having him go to plastic sometimes. There are several good reasons for us to occasionally do that. Its a slightly different look and feel for him when he wears the Cherry Keeper on his cock, and sometimes that comes in handy when he develops those occasional slight irritations on his penis from wearing the Rigid device long term. Switching him temporarily to plastic and to a different device,  allows him to heal up without ruining his chastity cycle by having to go cage free. Also, there are some occasional unique instances which come up where having him wear plastic instead of metal is beneficial, such as airport screenings, potential public event screenings, certain clothing attire etc. One of the biggest reasons probably is that we like to switch him out about once a week for an entire day while we deep clean his Rigid device with my ultrasonic jewellery cleaner. The cleaner doesn’t actually take that long, but throw in some more detailed grooming activity now that his junk has become fully accessible to us both, a long soak in the tub for him, and just to add in healthy allowance for airing him out in a different style of device within a closely supervised environment, it’s then a full day in the Cherry Keeper before I put him back to where we really like to see him. So net effect is that he’s in his Rigid on average 6 days of the week and then in his Cherry Keeper on Sundays, typically speaking.

When he does wear the new Cherry Keeper, he does find that it's very comfortable on him. He had to do some light sanding of it when we first got it to make it that way. Its a 3D printed device so its not totally smooth out of the box when you do get it. We both really like how the head locker portion of this new cage keeps his cock head tightly pressed into the end of the cage and that it also keeps his cock tip in great continuous alignment with the pee opening of the cage. Its a very nice design feature. I don’t know why, but I also kinda find it very hot how his cock head just sort of snaps in there and  clicks into place with the new device. One of our negatives with the Holy Trainer Nub device, our former go to plastic device, was the occasional difficulty he experienced with keeping his pee slit lined up in the rather small end opening of that device - it tended to want to wander off just a tiny bit at times from having that natural alignment. If he didn't take time to adjust himself and/or didn't notice that happening prior to peeing, it would result in him kind of spraying himself down from inside the cage as his stream hit the inside of the plastic. So from a hygiene standpoint it was a bit needy at times. Not a huge deal for me since the cleanup was all my husbands end to take care of, but it did lend to occasional situations where it looked like he had peed himself. A bit embarrassing for him when out in public, and a potential odor issue for us both if he couldn't clean himself up right away. We do not have this issue with the Cherry Keeper, so its a big improvement there and in general, we see it as a measurable improvement over the Nub. The cage opening is considerably larger on the peeing end then the Nub since its more of an open device design and not a closed device design, so we no longer run into this issue which  in hindsight, is rather a large plus. 

With chastity cages your always in a sort of that  perpetual search for the next better mousetrap, and the Cherry Keeper answered our call. We both continue to enjoy his extended wear of locking devices and feel that it greatly heightens both of our states of mutual arousal and definitely one ups our FLR game so to speak. I know its not everyone's thing or need to be locked up, but for this couple, we continue to love the physical and mental effects my husband experiences while wearing a device long term. His PA piercing in particular really brings chastity wear to a completely higher level of kink for us both. I would highly recommend this at least as a 2nd or 3’d look consideration for other couples, perhaps those who are more advanced in this lifestyle choice as we are. Worth an experiment?

Romance and Keeping it fresh.....

A few weeks ago it was my birthday, and my very wonderful husband surprised me with a long weekend getaway trip to the windy city, Chicago. We took Amtrak there and back as we live close enough to one of those rail hubs to do that. I always have loved riding the train, I find it very romantic and somewhat mysterious and nostalgic - I really enjoy it.  Plus no driving and parking especially in a crazy city like Chicago (we're small city folks so were not used to the cramped and busy traffic). Everything we were interested in was a rather a short cab drive away in all directions, so it worked out well for us. BTW, for this trip we used his Cherry Keeper exclusively just to give it an extended test drive and to change things up a bit more. We also weren't quite sure what to expect in terms of the various security screening protocols we might hit at some of the venues we had planned for the trip, so we decided to be safe and not gamble with the metal device and potentially  cause him some embarrassment.  This turned out to be unnecessary also BTW and we didn't run into anything like that, we just weren't real sure what to expect as it had been a while since we had been out and about this way in the big city. (We are oh so small city :).  

On this trip we splurged a bit further and booked a two night stay at one of the nicer more scenic hotels overlooking the Navy Pier area. We are usually pretty frugal with our finances in this regard, so this entire trip was a bit of a special exception for us. But we viewed it as a nice investment in our relationship. We enjoyed a lake view room up on the 22nd floor of the hotel. With the room drapes open it was a magical view out over the lakefront area. I packed a few extra things in my case for this special trip and we both had an extremely fun time. The first day/night I had him give me a full pamper up session in our room before we headed out on the town. He gave me a very nice pedicure and then polished my nails. I love it when he touches and pampers my feet this way. We followed that up by then having him sensually shave my pussy and backside extra smooth up on the large bed. After an appropriate amount of lotion was applied and massaged into my freshly shaved areas, we were ready to hit the city. We took a cab over to the downtown city area, did some touristy walking around, shopping and people gazing and then we had a romantic early dinner at a restaurant where we had a made a reservation at.  Eventually we ended up at Navy Pier for the sights and sounds there. We had a fun ride on their huge lakefront Ferris wheel and then had an scenic excursion on one of their lake boats that we had booked for the occasion earlier. Neither one of us is typically into noise and crowds, but occasionally its a  nice experience, especially when you know its just for a short planned period of time. Navy Pier, the lake, and downtown Chicago was tons of fun.  

Also on this outing …..I wore my nice light mid calf sun dress and sandals (hey I had to show off my fresh pedi) *and* I forgot to wear my panties...... It was a liberating and extremely sensual experience for us both. There’s something extremely wicked and sensuous when you feel the outside air wisping around your mostly bare privates when all that’s covering it is some loose cotton material.  I didn’t let my husband know this until we were already in the cab and on our way to the city. His jaw literally dropped when he found out.  He then was a complete nervous wreck with my "almost nakedness" and was all over himself making sure I was not showing and protected from exposure :). Every time their was a slight gust of wind, he went into a bit of a protective panic. It was cute and fun to see him that way. The whole time out he was just thinking about my cleanly shaved pussy and everything else that goes along with that. It’s a good thing he is kept locked up or he would have also had to worry about himself tenting up in his khaki pants. 

When we both eventually returned to our hotel room much later that night, we were both in quite an aroused state (to put it very mildly)! It of course was dark when we returned and I opened up the large room blinds completely and we both frantically shed out of our clothes. I  had switched the lights off after our getting settled into the room. I then spread myself down naked and extremely wet and horny on the bedspread. We then had sex in our usual way with his head and tongue between my spread open legs. I literally grabbed him by the hair on top of his head and shoved him in there!  I enjoyed three very huge orgasms and just couldn't quite honestly take any more. I was worried I was getting a tad noisy.... After riding my elevator down for a bit, I flipped the tables a bit and gave my husband a nice surprise in return. I had packed my strap-on and favorite dildo for him. With the window shades still fully open and us still in full view of the night sky, I gave his cute little butt the pounding of his life. He then was the one who was worried that he was making too much noise.... 

It was a very very sexy and extremely liberating day and night. I'm still hot just thinking about the whole trip. As a side note, I know this sounds a bit risque and all, but it was very dark and I'm sure that no one really was able to see anything. It was just the illusion of being fully exposed which made it very romantic and off the charts sexy for us both. The remaining nights stay was also fun, adventurous, and full of sex but we dialed it down slightly on that final night. We made the most of our money spent and the locale that we had picked. It would have been very hard to top that first night. We spent some considerable cash which we normally would not have spent - it was like 6 years prior when we had last made a similar trip, and the kids were along for that one - so it wasn't quite the same then, It made for a very nice memory and a wonderful birthday present, well worth the money we spent.

 AJ

Follow-up on Taking Ownership in the Bedroom

Once again, I am pleased and impressed with the level of engagement from the followers of this blog. I've enjoyed reading all of the comments from the last post. Your feedback has been helpful in formulating my plan for taking ownership of the master bedroom in my house.

For the door signal, I  think I'll go with a scrunchie or rubber band on the door knob. If it is on the doorknob, he must stay out and sleep in the guest bedroom. It's subtle and easy to implement. I like the idea of locking the door but I have a dog that sleeps in the room and he will often come and go in the room during the night so keeping the door closed at night would not work in my situation.

I appreciate the comment that my slave husband should have some space of his own to display items and pictures that are meaningful to him. I will allow a small space in my bedroom for him to display such things. However, it needs to be neat and clutter-free and anything displayed will require my approval. I chose to have it my bedroom because I do not want the guest bedroom to have any personalization by him or to look like it is his room. Part of the reason for this is to reinforce his submission through restriction of what he can do, and part of the reason is to make this change less noticeable to the kids or guests that may wander into the bedroom.  I also like the idea of putting an item of mine in the room. I can have my things displayed in the guest room but he can not. This is a fun way to remind him that I get to do what I want but he must follow my rules and ask for permission to do things. I've not decided yet what I will display or store in the room, but I will think about it. I may even leave different things in the room on a temporary basis. For example if I go shopping, I may leave my purchases in the guest room until I put them away. 

I may also create some guidelines in which he has permission to enter the bedroom without asking me, such as if I leave for work and he needs to make the bed or if I am not home during the time in which he is supposed to clean my room. However, I will make sure these times will be kept to a minimum. I may require him to text me for permission or to notify me that he is entering the room. These guidelines will likely evolve over time as I see how things go with the change.

I want to emphasize that I am not implementing this to keep Thomas out of the bedroom. He will still sleep in the bedroom at night with me, he will still spend time in the bedroom with me for our typical routines such as ironing my clothes, giving me massages, doing his reviews/discipline sessions, and of course pleasuring me. He will make my bed every morning and will vacuum and dust my room when he does his chores. The amount of time he spends in my room will not significantly change. What is changing is that he must ask permission to enter it or be invited in by me, he may not keep his clothes and other items in my room, and he must follow my rules when he enters. If I am in the room and he wants to enter to ask me a question or to just hang out with me, In most cases I will not deny him entry but it will be fun for us that he will need to ask permission to enter and that he will need to strip naked to enter. I can assure you that these new rules will excite him and that he will have an erection every time he enters the room. The primary purpose for this new change is to add another layer of control and domination to our WLM through restriction of his rights and privileges in the WLM. 

Our WLM is mature, and while many of the things we do may sound extreme to others, they are just part of our every day life. Believe it or not, even a femdom relationship can get stale. To keep things spicy and fun and to keep his submission strong, new levels of control are often needed. This new control that I will be implementing will make him feel even more submissive and beneath me. It will spark excitement and obedience in him. This is what he craves. I will of course also benefits from taking ownership of the bedroom, for all the reasons mentioned in the previous post. The change will hit his submissive nerve, while also benefiting me. Rules and actions in a WLM are more likely to be sustainable over the long-term when they achieve those two results.

Thanks again for your input and it is not too late to share more thoughts and ideas. The kids are sill home from college so it will be several weeks before I make the change.

-Mz Kaylee

Taking Ownership of the Bedroom

In the comments section of the "Submissive Refresh" post there are several comments about bedroom control. Some of you have shared in the past that you/your husband have been required to sleep in a separate bedroom either permanently or on a temporarily basis. There are times where I have made Thomas sleep in the guest bedroom on a temporary basis because I need a good night's sleep or as a punishment. Usually it is just a day or two, and it has not lasted longer than a week. I do not want it to be a permanent thing because I do enjoy sharing the bed with him. He is my husband after all. However, I love the idea of making the master bedroom my bedroom. I've been thinking about the idea and am planning on making it happen.

There seems to be interest in this topic so I thought it would be fun for me to share my thoughts and ideas on what I am thinking about doing and get your input. If you've already done something like this, please share your experiences and ideas, If you have not done it, read along and share ideas on some of the questions I ask below.

Technically the bedroom is already is mine. When he confessed his submission to me, and agreed (or rather pleaded) to a formal WLM, he voluntary gave up his rights to ownership of these things, but there is a big difference in agreeing to it versus me taking action to deny his privileges. So what does taking ownership of the bedroom mean and why would I do it?

My idea of taking ownership of the bedroom is that the master bedroom is 100% mine to do with as I please and hubby is not permitted into the bedroom without my permission. It also means that none of his clothes and possession are permitted in the room. I will allow him to sleep in the bedroom but it is not a right for him. At anytime I may take away the right. I am usually in the bedroom before he is at night so I've thought about putting something on the door knob that would indicate whether or not he is permitted to enter. No permission means he must sleep in the guest bedroom. What do you think - any suggestions for what I can use? It would need to be something subtle as I would not want it to get the attention of guests that may be over or the kids when they are home.

Since he will not be permitted to have any of his possessions in my bedroom, one of the first tasks to be done is for him to move all of his items out of my room and into the guest bedroom. Now if you have a guest bedroom, and you are like us, the guest bedroom tends to get filled with junk. He will need to do some cleaning up and rearranging the guest bedroom in order to fit his items into the room. He may need to slim down his clothing collection. Slaves should not have a lot of clothes to choose from anyway, right?  I may need to give him some specific instructions on reducing his possessions to fit into the space. Any suggestions?

Next, there will be rearranging in my bedroom to accommodate my preferences and moving in of my extra clothes that are stored in other places. As a Goddess, I have quite a collection of clothes but unfortunately not the luxury of a large walk in closet so many of my clothes are stored in other closets. I am looking forward to being able to have all of my clothes together in my bedroom. Thomas will need to organize and hang or fold my clothes neatly according to my instructions. Once complete, he will be required to do a thorough cleaning of the room and will need to make every shred of his items are removed.

This will be the first stage of taking full ownership of the bedroom. To make it fun, I will require Thomas to wear a slave outfit while he is moving items in and out of the bedroom for me. I am thinking collar, cuffs and panties will do. I may add a butt plug because that always puts him in a deep submissive state for me. Once the first stage is complete, the master bedroom will be officially off limits to him except for sleeping, cleaning, chores, or when I give him permission to enter for other reasons. There will be three golden rules for my bedroom that he will have to obey:

1. He is not to enter my bedroom without my permission. Even for chores (vacuum, laundry, etc.) he must ask for permission to enter my bedroom. I love the irony of him asking permission to to clean my room, rather than me ordering him to do it.

2. He is never to be fully clothed in my bedroom. Clothes must be left at the door before entering unless he is already wearing a slave or chore outfit. Those outfits are acceptable attire in my bedroom. No exceptions to this rule. If I ask him to fetch something out of the room for me, he must strip, fetch the item, and dress again when he leaves. 

3. He is never to talk in my bedroom unless I ask him a direct question or give him permission to speak. When he is in my bedroom 100% of his focus will need to be on serving me and pampering me.

Phase II will be for me to redecorate the room according to my tastes. I may get a new bedspread, and add new pictures and decorations. Do you think I should have him shop with me for the items or should I just make all the changes and have him walk in one day to a completely new room? Which would be the bigger mind fuck?

There is one final piece of puzzle to this whole transition. I will make it clear to Thomas that the guest bedroom is to remain a guest bedroom. He is not to personalize it for himself and he is never to refer to it as his room. All his items must be out of site at all times. No shoes or clothes lying around, no bags on the floor, and no papers, receipts, or items of his are allowed on any surface in the room. Everything must be stored in a drawer, box, or closet at all times. If I see any visible signs of his items in the guest bedroom, he will be subject to punishment. This will surely make him feel even more submissive and controlled.

Why Would I do This?

Taking over the master bedroom is purely a fun power play. It is a fun way for me to exert my power and dominance over Thomas and to make him feel even more submissive and owned by me. This is what he craves and I know he will love it. It is a great way to spice things up for us and keep him obedient to me. Certainly I am also going to enjoy having the room all to myself, except for sleeping. It will be a nice peaceful haven that I can escape to and not be disturbed. The best part is that my room will still be cleaned by him, he will still wash and put away my clothes in my room, and my bed will still be made every day by him. These are all the amazing perks of being a Goddess Wife in a WLM.

What do you think? Let's hear some other ideas.

-Mz Kaylee

Mz Kaylee's Top 5 WLM Control Techniques

Below are what I consider my top 5 most effective techniques for leading my WLM and controlling my husband. They raise to the top of my list  because of how impactful they have been to both my husband and I and because of the longevity of my use of them. All of these techniques are still being used by me. For each item, I have included a link to a post where I have written about the technique.Enjoy!

 #5 Corner Time:

https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2019/06/corner-time.html

 I did not incorporate corner time until later in my WLM and I wish I did it sooner. It's effective for both disciplining Thomas and for keeping him focused on serving me. It's also very easy for me to administer, which is an added bonus. A weekly corner time ritual where Thomas kneels quietly in the corner, helps Thomas meditate and refocus on serving me for the upcoming week. Since I incorporated corner time, he has had less incidents of straying from his chores and his proper submissive attitude. It helps him feel controlled even during the weeks when I am busy and have less time to give him attention.

#4 Panties: 

https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2019/05/the-magic-of-panties.html

I recognize this is not for everyone, but for our WLM panties have had a tremendous impact on Thomas, making it to #4 on the list. It was early in our WLM when Thomas confessed he desire to be "forced" to wear panties. I thought it was strange and to be honest, was not thrilled about it. However, every so often I would order him into panties for fun and to appease his desire. It felt weird at first but I was shocked at how aroused and submissive he became when slipping on panties. He was very docile and willing to do whatever I wanted. Once I realized the power I had over him when he was in panties, I began to order him into them more often. I used them as a post-punishment tool to push him into submission and stay focused on serving me. Then I began to order him to wear them on certain days each week and eventually I had him toss all his boy underwear and go to panties 24/7.  Later I purchased several pairs of sissy panties, which have an even bigger impact on his psyche. Over the years panties have softened the manly ego in my husband and have served as a constant reminder of his submission to me. I love that he still gets very aroused when I watch him slip on a pair, when I tease him about being girly, or when I take him shopping for a new pair. It is cute to see him struggle to not get aroused in the store.

#3 Boot Camp: 

https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2019/10/submissive-craving-boot-camp.html

My fellow Female Goddesses. if you have not read my posts on Boot Camp, then I highly recommend you find them and read them. I did not know what to expect when I planned my first Boot Camp for Thomas a few years ago. It turned out to be a great training tool for Thomas and also a "domination booster" for me. Boot Camp incorporated a lot of fun fantasy domination that was more intense than what I typically do. For Thomas it checked several boxes of the male submissive fantasy and so it was a dream come true for him. For me, it allowed me to step out of my comfort zone and experiment with domination. By the end of the week I was much more comfortable in my domination and more confident. It opened my eyes to a new realm of possibilities in the WLM.  For example, during Boot Camp, when we were inside, Thomas was only allowed to wear a collar and cuffs and a cock ring. He spent most of the week in this outfit. We could not do this at home because of the kids. Turns out, I really liked having him this way serving me.  At the time, it was only a few months until my youngest was going to head off to college. I made a decision then, that once the youngest was out of the house, Thomas would be wearing only collar and cuffs around the house on certain nights. When the time came, I think Thomas was shocked when I laid down the new rules. I am enjoying seeing his scurrying around naked in the house. Since that first Boot Camp, I have conducted a few mini weekend Boot Camps with Thomas and each one has been fun for both of us and has dialed up the fem/dom dynamic on a permanent basis.

#2 Weekly Reviews: 

https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2014/08/discipline-vs-punishment.html

This is a great technique on many levels, which is why it sits at #2 on my list. My weekly review sessions are great for discipline, motivation, punishment, and keeping the lines of communication open. Thomas leaves the sessions feeling submissive and focused on obeying me. The weekly cadence of reviews ensures our WLM stays in tact and that my dominance is fresh in his mind. It took me awhile to get into a regular routine of reviews. Prior to me initiating review sessions, I could go weeks before exerting control over Thomas. This would leave him frustrated and would eventually lead to him slacking off on his responsibilities. Our WLM would then go off the rails until one of us spoke out. Once I forced myself to do the weekly reviews, even if only for a few minutes, I noticed more consistent obedience and submission from Thomas. He actually looks forward to the sessions. It was a game changer for our WLM because it added consistency to my dominance over Thomas.

And the #1 Techniques is.......   Orgasm Control

https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2016/06/tapping-into-his-submissive-mind-orgasm.html

From day 1 of taking control of Thomas, I took control of his orgasms. The mental impact of orgasm control and denial on men is profound. Orgasm Control gave me power over Thomas and kept him focused on obeying and pleasing me. Through regulation of his orgasms, I can keep him in a perpetually aroused sate-of-mind, which keeps his mind pliable and obedient for me. He knows he must be in good standing with me in order to have any chance for an orgasm or even to have me touch his cock. This authority forces him to do every thing possible to please me in order for him to receive pleasure. Men think about sex all day, every day because of that thing between their legs. When a woman takes control of his cock it forces his mind to focus on her because she now controls the very thing that he is focused on most of the day. She become the focal point of his thoughts and that is a very deep and profound change for him that brings reality to her dominance over him. Orgasm Control is a "must" in a FLR/WLM.

What is in your top 5?

-Mz Kaylee

Making Our WLM More Public (Guest Post by Trina)

My desire to make our WLM more public has two main reasons, one altruistic and the other selfish. The first reason is that most of my women friends want to know how and why it is that Tony is such a perfect gentleman and wonderfully obedient husband; most of them know that he was not that way when he and I first got together. So they keep asking me, “What have you done to train him so well?” The second reason is that I find my power over him to be great for my ego and also very erotic, and the more public my power is the more it turns me on, both mentally and physically.

As I have related, our marriage did not start as a WLM, but rather as an F/m spanking dynamic. But my goal from the beginning was to have a marriage with very few arguments, and to have those few arguments settled very quickly and in my favor — and I knew I was going to use his need for spanking to achieve that goal. To that end I did internet research and was glad to find Aunt Kay’s Disciplinary Wives Club, which is an awesome site about how wives use spanking to control their husbands. (While Kay is deceased, the site can still be read at auntkaysdwc.com.)

Tony is not naturally submissive at all; he is an alpha male who is a lifelong spanko, and for much of his life he was mostly the spanker, and tells me he has had a couple dozen women over his knee. But he admits that it was getting harder and harder for him to find willing women, and that he really wanted a spanking relationship, not a series of one-nighters, and that his experiences as a spankee showed him that he was just as excited getting it as giving it. We met on a site for Christian spankos, and I let him know right away that if we were to get serious that I would be the only one doing the spanking. He agreed as long as I promised to spank him at least once a week, come rain or shine, as he was tired of going months between spankings.

Spanking him once a week clearly put me in the dominant position and him in the submissive one, and the more I spanked him to change his behavior, the more we moved into WLM. Almost every week I had a reason why he was being punished — and not just getting his weekly spanking. The social interaction issues that were the topic of a recent post was one of the first areas we delved into where I started making rules for him. 

It was also the first area that became public, because when I began grounding him from going out with the boys (about three years into our marriage), I made him tell them that he had been grounded by his wife. So it was clear to those husbands that I wore the pants in the family, and when their wives asked them why they weren’t more like Tony, they would tend to reply that he was pussy-whipped and that they weren’t going for that. So the wives also knew that I was in charge.

As I got more intrigued with WLM, I read about it on the internet, and was really taken with Lady Misato’s Real Women Don’t Do Housework (rwddh.com). I did not find Mz Kaylee’s site here, though I sure wish I had, nor did I find the blog that Kaylee has helped write, rwddh.blogspot.com, which has a post from a few years ago about how public a wife-led marriage should be.

I was fascinated by the rwddh philosophy of turning a husband into a knight in shining armor serving his queen — and Tony was quite taken with it, too, since a knight is a macho kind of guy, no matter how submissive he is to his queen. So we started incorporating that philosophy, and I also began using specific techniques explained on that site, including what I call the “cock talk” where virtually any important discussion happens with Tony’s cock in my hand, which almost guarantees that the discussion will end in my favor. The site also explains all about orgasm control, turning orgasm from a “right” to a “privilege” that must be earned and can only occur with the wife’s permission. These strategies and others on the rwddh site took us deeper and deeper into a WLM.

We began doing public things like him getting me drinks at parties, carrying my bags at the mall, bending down and fixing the strap  on my heels, rushing to my side every time I waved for him, getting orders from me rather than requests, me ordering for us both at restaurants and requesting the check come to me, him driving like a chauffeur with me in the back seat talking on the phone, me ignoring him in public while talking with others, me doing all the talking when in a meeting with a professional such as our attorney or accountant — and on and on, virtually everything I could think of to show that I am in charge. While each of these things is pretty minor, when taken together they do add up to an obvious WLM.

The next big public revelation was a couple of years after the grounding revelations. By this time I had Tony trained to do most of the household chores, and I started making him wear an apron and nothing else after the kids were in bed. My girlfriends and I have had a Thursday girls night out forever, which sometimes is a girls night in — we meet for the evening at one of our houses, with the husband required to make himself and the kids scarce, like on a different floor if not out of the house altogether for at least part of the evening.

We would typically meet from about 7:30-10, which is Tony’s time to put the kids to bed and do chores. After we had established his chore routine, the first that the girls were going to meet at our house I sat him down and told him that he was not absolved from his two hours of chores and was still going to do them in his apron in clear view of our guests — with a pair of shorts on. He objected quite vociferously, but changed his mind after being over my knee for 20 minutes or so. I told him that not only was he going to do all of his chores, but that he would be serving us as well — pouring wine, bringing snacks, clearing away dishes, and maybe even giving foot massages.

My husband is a workout freak and rather buff, and I knew the ladies would enjoy seeing him serving us with part of his chest and back and legs showing. The first time this happened there was a whole lot of giggling and oohing and aahing, and while he was embarrassed at first, I think my husband realized eventually that he enjoyed all of the positive attention from some great-looking wives.

There weren’t any foot massages that first time, but on subsequent visits he did get to make the rounds and give everyone a foot massage – maybe half a dozen ladies each night. This is a rather sensual and intimate act, with him kneeling on the floor and massaging a foot outstretched onto a foot stool. I noticed that he was trying hard to hide his erection as he massaged the women. It also turned me on, and after the girls left the first time I dragged him into the bedroom and had my way with him. It was very obvious to us that his submission was pleasurable for us both.

It was after this started about two years ago that I began to get the questions in earnest about how I had transformed my husband. I would usually just laugh or give a sly smile and not answer. But my friends seriously wanted to know, and it got to the point where some of them were a bit perturbed (and still are to a degree) that I wasn’t sharing my secrets.

I was withholding information to protect our privacy, but I was doing a disservice to my friends. Many of them were unhappy with their husbands and were desperate to know how to gain some control in the marriage. Many of our meetings were mostly bitch sessions about husbands, and it was very obvious to all that I said little at these times.

Eventually, just in the past few months, I sat Tony down to talk about it. He was well aware of my girlfriends’ desire for information, as they often asked their questions right in front of him while he was serving us. But his position was that they already knew more than he preferred — that he did all the household chores, that I grounded him, that he was unfailingly polite and obedient. That’s already a lot for an alpha male to handle, but I was asking him to handle more.  After several conversations, we agreed that we weren’t ready to share about him getting spanked or being required to wear a chastity device when not in my presence. He kept suggesting that I just refer the wives to various Web sites, but I argued that I needed to share with them some of the techniques that I actually use in our marriage, including the cock talks, total orgasm control, making him earn sex with me, grounding, writing lines, turning rights into privileges, financial control, and basically anything but spanking and locking his cock. He didn’t like it, but the belt and the bath brush are great persuaders.

So … just recently I have begun sharing with the Thursday night group. I started with the cock talk, which I thought was the easiest — as the man is getting a handjob and probably doesn’t even realize how he is being controlled. The girls were fascinated, and a number of them have tried it — with great results! Various wives have gotten their husbands to do more chores, call before coming home late, go out with the boys less, stop swearing in the wife’s presence, go down on the wife more, and I can’t remember what else! I told them that one of the best strategies is to stop in the middle: Get him just on the edge of cumming and then stop and say, “If you want me to finish you off, you need to lick my pussy first. Otherwise, good night!”

We have had several weeks of discussions just about this one strategy, which is easy for the husband to accept because he is getting MORE sex with his wife handling his cock so much. (It helps to give it a quick lick every so often as well.) But the cock talk can be used to introduce the other training methods to the husband. I’m going to tell the girls to get him really hard and then say something like, “If you want me to keep going, you will agree that I can ground you and forbid you from going out with your friends.” Or whatever behavior you want to change or strategy you want to implement.

That’s where I am in making my WLM more public. I will discuss the other strategies I mentioned, but I may never tell about spanking or using a chastity device. While I am definitely in charge, I also respect my husband’s wishes, and I don’t know if an alpha guy like Tony can ever come around to sharing about those two key ways that I dominate him.

Trina

Controlling His Social Life

I want to thank Joan for bringing up the topic of 'the husband's time with friends,' in the comments in my March 28th post. For reference, here are the comments she made:

"I'm a little less strict about allowing him some time to be with his friends (they love the outdoors) because he does so much work. I'm flexible with certain expectations, but I'm won't tolerate things not getting done, if that makes sense". 

"With job stress and Mistress Joan to answer to, he needs a break and earns the downtime I permit. With that said, he knows to conduct himself properly and avoid any and all problems, especially when the men are out in the forest camping and having a few beers. I think his friends are fairly sure of who exactly wears the pants in our marriage. They are very well behaved and gentlemen in my home.."  

-Joan

When it comes to WLM, the question is not whether the wife should have control over her husband's social life (It's an obvious yes!) but rather how much control should she exert. Like many other things, there is no one right answer. It depends on the current dynamics of the relationship. In this post I'll share how I handle it in my own marriage and will present some considerations to help female leaders with this aspect of WLM.

Let me start by saying that it is surprising to me how many couples I come across that do not socialize together frequently. I am talking about everyday couples in traditional marriages. I know of couples where the husband does his things and the wife does her things and they rarely socialize together or socialize among their mix of friends. That is a problem and a sign of a troubled marriage in my opinion. You are supposed to marry your soul mate and best friend so why would you not want to spend a good portion of your social time with your spouse? Without time together, a couple grows apart and loses intimacy and that special connection they found when they first met. 

Prior to WLM, Thomas and I did most things as a couple. We each also had our own subset of friends that we did things with on our own. I always felt that we had a good balance between those two types of socialization. However, one of the unexpected benefits that we experienced with WLM is that we spend more quality time together and are much more open in our communication with each other. Instead of sitting on the couch watching TV, he is often giving me massages, serving as my footstool, or doing other things to serve and pamper me. Our intimacy is much deeper then it ever was prior to WLM. When were together there is a playfulness and connection between us, versus us just sitting in the room together doing our own thing. The connection is hard to describe but it is definitely something that developed as a result of my control over him and his submission to me.

Because we've always had a good balance with how we spend time with friends, when we transitioned to WLM there was not a need for me to significantly alter his social life. However, I exerted control over it because that is my right and duty as his Goddess wife. What changed with WLM is that he is required to ask for my permission anytime he wants to do things with his friends. He plays sports and has weekly games and he must ask permission every week to participate. He knows that if he does not keep up with his chores or that I am not pleased with him for any reason that I will probably not grant him permission. Usually it is not a surprise to him when I say no. There have been a few instances over the years where I have punished him by forbidding him to participate in sports for several weeks. That has been a very effective punishment. He becomes highly motivated to please me in any way I want in order to get his privilege back. 

He also knows and accepts that my priorities and his chores and responsibilities take priority over his time with friends. He will often turn down activities with his friends because he knows it would interfere with his obligations to me. His self-discipline in this area is a direct result of the WLM lifestyle and I believe is one of the distinguishing difference from a traditional marriage. As I noted previously, we had a good balance prior to WLM, but post-WLM, his obligation to please me always takes priority over his social life. The balance is still good but better swayed in my favor :) and he is happy with that. There are times where he will ask for special permission to participate in an activity that will delay his ability to do chores or tasks. If he is in good standing with me I will usually grant an exception but he knows to make these requests sparingly.

Thomas also asks for my approval when planning activities for us to do together with our mutual friends. Over time our closest friends have picked up on this and so now they usually just coordinate with me instead of him. I find it humorous that even one of his closest male friends will text me when making plans for his wife and I to go out with us. In recent years, it's gotten to the point where I just tell Thomas what we are doing and he accepts it without question. I get a laugh when his friend talks to him about the plans for the night and Thomas has no idea that we made plans. On the other hand, when it comes to planning an activity for just the two of us or vacations, I enjoy having Thomas plan it. He is great at finding fun things to do and finding good deals on hotels and airfare. I allow him to come up with activities to do but before he books anything, he needs to run it by me for approval.

Similar to Joan, I do not put many restrictions on what my husband can do with friends. He has a few weekends where he goes away with the guys for camping, fishing, or football. It is healthy for him to have this social life and I enjoy the time to myself as well. 

The flexibility that I allow may not be best for all relationships. I can be flexible because my husband has good judgement in what he chooses to do and he has a good group of friends. However, as many of you know or may be experiencing, there are a lot of guys that are not so good with their judgement. Sometimes a wife may need to exert stricter control over his social life because he is spending too much time out with friends. This can be done by simply forbidding activities or a more subtle way is to schedule days and times where he is expected to be home. Another approach is to pre-plan activities for the two of you so that he does not have the opportunity to accept invitations from friends.

 I also think there are times where wife may need to forbid her husband from being with certain individuals or work toward him transitioning away from the friendship. I've always preached to my kids to choose their friends wisely, because the people you hang with are the ones who shape who you are. The same is true for adults. If you are spending time with individuals who have bad habits or get into trouble often, then it is likely that some of that is going to rub off on you. If the husband has bad friends, then the wife needs to redirect him away from those friends. It is not an easy or comfortable thing to do, but it is better in the long run. The nice thing with WLM, is that the wife has the proper authority and influence to make it happen.

I do not agree with the idea of eliminating his social life all together. To forbid him from having any friends is not healthy. For long-term mental health it is important to have friends and an active social life. In the WLM, his social life should be encouraged and supported but with approval and influence by the wife. Depending on your situation, stricter control may be needed but the end goal is that overtime the husband is trained and conditioned to put time with his wife and her needs in desires as a higher priority than his social life.

Please share your thoughts and experiences on this topic.

-Mz Kaylee