I received an e-mail recently from Debbie, with some thoughts on bringing FLR to the workplace. It is a very intriguing idea. Many companies have programs to help advance women and minorities and training programs on effective leadership styles, so why not have programs to advance dominant female leaders and training on how to lead and follow under the FLR framework? In the corporate environment, this concept as a whole would obviously not fly, but perhaps there are some concepts and learnings from FLR that can be applied to the workplace. There certainly is opportunity for a small business to be set-up with the FLR framework. Wouldn't that be exciting? Debbie and I thought this would make for a thought provoking post and so I have published her thoughts below. What I like about her suggestions, is that they are realistic and practical. She even offers good advice for women that can be applied now. Thank you Debbie for brining these ideas forward! Please read and share your thoughts and ideas.
FLR In the Workplace by Debbie
Female-led relationships have been the focus of many of our postings. These many postings have helped women seize financial control and establish rules and protocols and firmly define day-to-day female leadership.
Where to now? Might I suggest that women take the framework we established in our personal relationships and put them to work in our places of business. Let's look to putting together suggestions for Female-led Businesses FLB. It's time we strike out at the patriarchy itself and make female executives the norm NOT the exception. Following are some suggestions to get our discussion going:
- Companies are looking for women to promote throughout their organizations. Most have plans in place to identify, develop, and promote capable women. I availed myself to just such a program and have been promoted four times in two years. I was promoted over four men all of whom now work for me. I an an executive manager and with a corner office and people to delegate my work to.
- If a woman has ideas as to how to reduce a business or how to reduce costs, she should bring her ideas to the attention of management. Preferably a female manager one or two grades above the level of her proposed changes.
- Dress appropriately! As a general rule a woman should 'Dress for the job she wants, NOT the one she has'. Too many very capable women come to job interviews looking like clerk types - they are offered a clerk type position.
- Develop a network of contacts within you new company. Get to know these essential women and make sure they get to know you!
- Be tough and aggressive. Executive management is not a walk in the park.
And don't worry about your house. You've trained hubby to take care of the domestic front so let him take care of things like that.
Debbie
I have a female manager, and while we’ve never discussed my FLR, when she sends me out of town for a couple of days, on occasion she has asked me if I’ve talked with my wife about going out of town. There was one time when Ms. Lee said no and after I talked to my manager, she almost immediately got back with me and told she’d found someone else to do the job.
ReplyDeleteAlso I copy my wife on all messages concerning Doctors appointments, personal time off vacation requests. I’ve never been turned down!
Excuse me Ladies, I meant to add my name.
DeleteThis is absolutely fantastic! As a man that is both submissive to my Wife in a loving and beautiful WLM, and a man that is Alpha in all other aspects, including being a business owner of a moderately sized company (100 people), I can tell you that women in leadership roles is growing fast, and growing nicely. At the same time, I have never one to believe that a woman is superior just because she is a woman. We all know plenty of exceptions to that axiom. That said, empowered women that possess confidence, intelligence, professionalism and have character and integrity, are (mostly) always a better candidate for promotion to a leadership position than a male counterpart.
ReplyDeleteI love this idea and frankly, truth be told, i would love to see a time when a FLR based FLB can logistically become a reality.
“In the future, there will be no female leaders. There will just be leaders.” - Sheryl Sandberg
You’re right, sub hub there are exceptions to every rule. However, I also understand that certain segments of society have a host of hurdles to navigate, and some consideration should be given to that fact, when hiring or promoting within any organization.
DeleteI also believe that hiring and promotions should be based on merit, regardless of race, gender or sexual preference.
I know what I just wrote should go without saying…but that’s not always the case.
There has definitely been a push to promote women over men at my corporation and actively promote women owned businesses (actual woman running the show, not just on paper) . I can’t remember the last time a male was promoted and it’s defiantly having an effect on the males. They don’t expect to get promoted and if they already report to a woman, thet expect they will soon. As a result, the males do not disregard any of the women, as they could be there next boss. This has proven to very intimidating to many of the males. Many of the women sense this and when appropriate push situations to highlight who is in charge. This really causes the males to fall in line because they get so embarrassed if they get put their place by a female in front of the group. The women also actively promote each other to set them up with the good opportunities and relegate the everyday mundane tasks to the males. I’m not making this up, it’s such a role reversal from how things once were. Reality is that as women have more influence and control at work, it will come to every household. If she holds higher level position at work, she’s not going to come home to play a submissive housewife roll. She’s going to expect that from her househusband. Some males already hate and complain about this new dynamic, but their complaining just shows they have no power to stop it from happening.
ReplyDeleteGreat subject for a post. Not kinky, but it’s the new reality with women taking charge and relegating males to lesser roles.
CC
i had an experience in a small IT-project company that was owned by a couple of females, closet lesbians. Both were somewhat dominant, and they wanted you to address Them properly, and often insisted on hiring 'submissive' profiles (women and men). They established their authority and people below them always treated them with utmost respect. The Secretary, the cleaner (men) were incredibly submissive to them. i always treated them with respect and felt super submissive, but was shortsighted and left for a better pay ... which i repented many times, as i thought it was natural that i would have submitted more and more for Them.
ReplyDeleteBelow are ideas that submissive men can do in the workplace to support women and subtly show their submission. To the outsider these may seem like polite and helpful acts but for the submissive, the reward is in knowing that you are devoting yourself to helping women succeed:
ReplyDelete• Apply the traditional gentleman behaviors in the workplace – hold doors, allow women to enter the elevator first, help her carry things, etc.
• Make it a habit to notice women and compliment them; not in a creepy way but in a polite and respectful way – “Your new hairstyle looks really nice,” “That is a fabulous shirt. It looks great on you,” “Those shoes are really cool,” “I enjoy working with you,” “I thought you did a great job,” etc.
• Provide support and positive reinforcement to women who are presenting ideas at work. This means speaking up in meetings to show your support, telling others you support her idea, and complimenting her on the idea.
• Go out of your way to help females at your work. Offer your assistance to do grunt work for them. Offer to do things that will save them time, even if it is not your responsibility. Ask this question a lot: “is there anything I can help you with?”
• Speak positively about women in your workplace. Do whatever you can to promote the success of the women you work with.
• Make it a habit to ask for advice and guidance from women
When you volunteer or take on more grunt work for women it accomplishes multiple end goals. It places the women in an elevated position of leadership even if in the same pier group. This shows quickly in meetings when she asks if those tasks have been completed. Everyone involved begins to see her as the leader and the submissive is relegated to a support role. This has been very effective from
Deletemy experience but can limit future growth for the submissive. An assertive woman will quickly utilize the submissive to accomplish her advancement. The submissive maybe creating the environment initially, but once she begins to feel empowered, get out of her way. Some may feel that you are just “brown nosing” or refer to as “her boy “, that’s a good thing. This causing others to see her in an elevated role. The goal is to do this for all women at work, not just one. This can totally change the office dynamic/expectation over time and will force others to change their behavior or be forced to the side. Even if the other men are not submissive it can and does force them into subjugated roles at times. They will adjust or be removed from what I’ve seen. Times have changed a lot and there is huge push for increased numbers of women in management. If you demonstrate that you are a total gentleman and defer to the ladies, you will be seen as progressive and a role model to follow. Nothing better than to have a female pier that you assist and promote, end up one or two levels higher in management. Nothing better than working for smart empowered women and feeling appreciated for your support role.
This is gold, MzKaylee! What has worked for me is making a big and clear point of 'aligning' myself under a Female. In my case, a Woman joined finance into the very male-oriented company. i'm at a different department, but i 'played politics' by being nice/attentive to Her, always responding to Her requests as fast/best i could (She isn't my boss). As time passed and my boss became difficult, i made it clear i'd love to work under Her. From then on, even though it isn't official, She 'freed' me from my boss, which of course makes me more available to Her requests. i'm seen as 'Her team' and always go to Her for guidance and even work priorities.
DeleteAbsolutely, Debbie. My wife works hard to support me in a comfortable lifestyle. I encourage her to take advantage of training and promotion opportunities. She is very well paid as an actuary so I am happy to be a househusband. I don’t have to deal with project deadlines or office politics anymore.
ReplyDeleteWhat follows is a small offering in appreciation of all the pleasure your site provides me, Mz Kaylee. I love, love, love this site and look forward eagerly to each new post. Thank you for what you do.
ReplyDeleteKasia Urbaniak is doing exactly what Ms. Debbie suggests, and apparently making a living at it, running The Academy, where women are taught to take back their power: https://www.kasiaurbaniak.com. And she recruits male submissives to assist in her trainings. My understanding is that women from many professional pursuits take the training: https://abovethelaw.com/2018/03/women-lawyers-should-apparently-seek-advice-from-this-dominatrix-to-get-ahead-in-their-careers/, should anyone be interested
I have punished tony several times for his attitude toward women in the workplace. He is polite to their faces but likes to comment to his buddies about their appearance, both positive and negative. And on a couple of occasions I overheard him using the B word about women at work. He had to work standing up for days afterward. I wish he had a female boss because it would be good training for him. I went to Kasia Urbaniak's site and signed him up to be a volunteer male submissive for her training sessions!
ReplyDeleteTrina
Yes Trina, reporting to an empowered female at work can cause a lot of submissive feelings at times. I’ve worked for ones that are very detailed and constantly point out what you need to focus on and areas you need to work on. When you experience a review from a female boss where she reviews each point and improvement needed. She set the expectation that you would agree or be forced to out right disagree. That didn’t happen?, I agreed and she pointed out what she expected for improvement. Think that she did intentionally look her best at review times because it probably boosted her confidence and intern made her a bit intimidating. Yes, being dressed down about a subject by a female boss in high heels can make you agree to whatever she says. I know that she could sense I was submissive because over time she was blunt and to the point. She liked the results this type of communication yielded and she never got any negative feed back from me. Others in the team didn’t like it and spoke up. I know that over time I was seen as “her boy” as some said, but that was fine. I enjoyed supporting her and I got to experience being very subjugated by her. She has been promoted now and when we talk she still talks down to me, causing very submissive feelings. She can sense it and I believe that she finds it amusing in that I’m very aggressive in most other situations. This experience in the work environment has taught me a lot and I believe helped her in her career.
ReplyDeleteMrLois
Since my beautiful Goddess is my boss at home I would prefer having a female boss at work. Most women are natural leaders with very good organizational and management skills. They know how to get the best efforts from their subordinates, especially the men. I like pleasing women in any way I can so I am naturally more productive for a female boss. My wife always sets goals for me to achieve and chores to complete. I enjoy serving and pleasing her to the best of my abilities. Especially in our bedroom. Men were created to serve all women.
ReplyDeleteI read a lot about alpha males who are dominant at work (and likely don't treat wonen very well) and then are submissive to their wives at home. I think we ruling wives should take more initiative in forcing our husbands to treat ALL women in a gentlemanly and even submissive manner!
ReplyDeleteTrina
Yes that is true Miss Trina. What better way to show respect and submission to a woman than to run her errands and do her chores. Anything to make her life easier and give her more free time. Just being polite and courteous takes no effort at all. Obedience to women is recognition of their authority over men.
DeleteTrina,
ReplyDeleteI agree 100%. There’s way too many rude comments made by men when women are out of earshot. Not just at their place of work but everywhere.
sw
I work in a field (psychotherapy) in which the majority of professionals are women. Throughout my career, I have usually worked under the direction of women who held management or executive positions. It feels quite natural for me to follow directions from and show respect to women. However, those women have usually been very professional in how they used their authority, and treated the men who worked for them in collaborative and collegial ways, as one would expect in our current business environment. The couple of women who were more dominant in behavior also didn't manage their anger and direction in very professional ways.
ReplyDeleteI have often wondered what it might be like to work for women who were overtly and intentionally dominant but also very professional and appropriate, who intentionally pursued a Female Led Business and expected very submissive behavior from the men who work under them. My musings are part of trying to imagine how it might be to live in a society where Female Dominance was openly and publicly accepted.
When it comes to the workplace my best bosses have been kind and honest ones and it didn't matter the gender. I had great woman and men who were my bosses. The key was the way they managed. They were honest with tact. I also had a couple really bad bosses I couldn't wait to get away from (these happened after reorganizations). These bosses were too direct and didn't care about the feelings of their direct reports. Unfortunately they came in both genders (and male boses can be #itches). So in my opinion the best leaders are the ones most qualified regardless of gender. It really needs to be gender neutral on hiring and leave the FLR/MLR out of it and save it for home. A Happy worker who wants to keep it that way.
ReplyDeleteI don't disagree that there are bad women bosses but I do disagree that hiring decisions should always be gender neutral. Diversity of opinion is important and leads to better decision making. In many industries and many companies women are under-represented. In these situations, a woman candidate who can do the job, should be given priority over a male candidate because she will add strength to the team. I once sat through an investor presentation about a product aimed at women. There was not one woman on the team making the presentation. This was a glaring shortfall that was noticed immediately by my company.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a problem when a company uses the tying criteria being a preference for the underrepresented group. Where I have "heartburn" in the office situation is when a clearly unqualified person is handed a position solely because they are from an underrepresented group. As a person I would rather see the company try to increase the pool of available candidates from the underrepresented groups. When the candidate pools become more representative then in an unbiased hiring situation the hiring should follow the same percentage. In my opinion the lack of representation is caused by the lack of representation in the hiring pool. I know I would be uncomfortable being socially promoted if my qualifications were not good enough. Social promotion is how bad bosses get into the system, which in the past has been the "old boys club" which is very reprehensible (and another source for bad bosses).
DeleteAgree that unqualified people should not be handed a position. I think most companies do not do that but it does happen and not just with under represented groups. As you noted, the old boys club used social promotion. I experienced this first hand about 10 years ago where a position was created out of the blue for an unqualified person simply because his dad was an influential person. There wasn't even work for him to do. Ever see the Seinfeld episode where George slept under the desk? It was very de-motivating for me and other employees.
DeleteI think most people would agree that the best bosses are kind and tactful, making requests rather than giving direct orders, and following the management adage of "compliment in public, criticize in private." In an FLR, a wife often gives her husband orders rather than making requests and is often neither kind nor tactful in daily interactions. That works because the power differential is sexualized: both the boss and the bossed get off on the bossiness. But the workplace cannot be sexualized or harrassment could easily be accused. Possibly an FLR- style workplace could work if the "command culture" was explained in the interview process and the prospective employee chose to join it. "We are very old-school here. Our supervisors give commands and our employees follow them without complaint. It so happens that our supervisors are mostly women. Can you, as a male employee, fit into that culture or would it make you uncomfortable?"
ReplyDeleteTrina
Trina, my experiences have come in the past trend years and being at the end of my career I’m not trying to get a promotion. I have witnessed females going from being generally administrative assistances or secretaries to running departments. Standard practice was the promotion of males to now the company actively recruiting females for promotion programs. The ladies are hired with the mentality that they will be promoted over the males and they will act accordingly in some case. Yes, the younger guys get upset by this and talk just like the ladies once did. Reality is in this job market the empowered females have a huge advantage and if the males speak up they are marginalized even more. Things have changed and because money is control/power males will need to get in line. This is just simple math, not something that is sexualized. Now, knowing a lot of males are naturally submissive to females and are easily aroused by them, it will make for some interesting situations.
ReplyDeleteMrLois
I’ve begun to incorporate some of this advice into my workplace. It’s interesting because I’ve noticed the women warm up to me more for sure. They feel more comfortable with me. Nothing groundbreaking has happened yet, though it does seem like one of them in particular has enjoyed it because she has started giving me more of her work without me asking. She’s always super thankful and appreciative, I think she must have a lot going on outside work because she is a super hard worker. It makes me feel good knowing I’m helping ease some of the load for her, even though it’s not my job. I’ve had to stay late a few times, but nothing extreme.
ReplyDeleteI am not in an flr with my wife, but she has encouraged me to help my female coworkers especially, she knows a couple of them.
FLR in the workplace is interesting. I think of certain occupations that women hold that give them authority in society such as policewomen. Whether a man is in an FLR or a chauvenist pig, he must recognize the policewomans authority while on duty and submit to her lawful orders, such as stopping for the flashing lights, signing the ticket, etc. What do others think of women who hold occupational positions of authorty?
ReplyDelete