Author Note: I wrote this post several months ago so the timing is off. I am happy to say that most of the challenges we were dealing with then, have been handled and we are emerging out of the stress and getting back to normalcy. I hope this post brings light to the realness of FLRs - that it is not all about sex and control. For those dealing with life challenges, I hope this post provides encouragement to work through those challenges and keep your eyes focused on the light at the end of the tunnel. I am writing this note now because together, my husband and I overcame the obstacles we experienced, and are getting back to a wonderful place. Keeping moving forward and stay positive! -Mz Kaylee
Blogs, forums, and articles about WLM/FLR tend to focus only on the domination and sexual aspects of the relationship. This makes sense because that's what people want to read about and learn about. The downside to this narrow focus is that it can create a false picture of what a real WLM/FLR is like. A person could easily begin to think that a FLR leads to 24/7 and 365 days a year of intense domination and non-stop sexual fun. My current situation is a stark reminder that a FLR/WLM is not impervious to same external pressures that any other relationship deals with.
If it seems that I have not been very engaged in my blog lately, it's because I have a lot going on in my life now. The kids are home from college, which I am thrilled about, but it has disrupted many of the fun, new routines that I have put in place for my husband. Not to mention, that having them home adds a new level of hecticness and craziness to the house! Then there is our parents. Both of our parents are at the age where they are needy and require more support. My husband's parents are the neediest, requiring extra care. If you've had to care for an elder parent before, you know that not only does it consume more of your time, but it also creates added stress.
It really sucks when you've gotten into a good routine and things are humming along really good, and then something disrupts everything. It's been several weeks since my husband and I have had intimate time together so that means no orgasm for me. He's used to being denied orgasm, but there is a big difference between planned orgasm denial vs. no orgasm because you are too busy or stressed. It's certainly not enjoyable for him. So much of our routines have been put on hold. No weekly review sessions, no corner time, and no massages for me. It has all been necessary due to our current situation, which we have little control over.
This does not mean our WLM is not intact or is falling apart. It certainly is being tested, just like any relationship would be. However, he is still submissive to me and yields to my authority. He still wears pantie every day. Of course, that is the only underwear he owns now, so I guess he has no choice :). He still has chores to do, but I have relaxed my expectations a bit and I have helped with some on days when I know he's stressed or consumed with activities related to his parents care. It's times like these when I have extra appreciation and respect for all the work that he does for me. It is a reminder to me of how lucky I am to have a submissive husband who is devoted to serving me and making me happy. I've been spoiled by having such an obedient husband and I've come to enjoy being pampered and pleasured whenever and however I want. It is a superior lifestyle!
The bottom line, is our relationship and love for each other rises above it all. I don't want him to be stressed. I want him to be happy. To help him get through this hard time, I have no issue taking back some of the work I imposed on him as part of his submissive duties. The crazy thing is that he would prefer things to be back to where they were a few months ago, when he was working hard for me and I was being strict with him and holding him to high standards. It's just not a realistic scenario right now. I can tell that he is disappointed when I do things that are his duties. He will apologize to me when tasks are not done timely. During the day he will often come up to me and hug me and tell me he loves me and misses my body. Likewise, I will do the same to him and let him know that I will help him anyway I can. It may seem strange, but my control and strictness is a stress reliever for him and brings a sense of normalcy to his day. This is why I still expect him to do chores, make my coffees, and order him to refill my water when I am sitting watching TV. I have just relaxed my standards a bit and am helping as needed.
Our FLR dynamic is a natural part of our life now, so even with all the barriers and challenges we are facing, our FLR dynamic remains intact. It's just that many of the activities that enhance the experience and make it fun and exciting, are put on hold. We have our eyes set on the future, knowing that this is a temporary situation and we are taking steps to address the issues we are facing, with the goal of getting back to our normal routines. This is just a blip on roadmap of life.
I share this post to let others know that even a mature FLR is not all fun and games and has it's challenges. It's important to be flexible with your arrangement and adjust rules, activities, and expectations as life throws your curve balls. It is also important to work together to overcome those curve balls and stay focused on bringing things back to your ideal state.
-Mz Kaylee
Kudos for helping out with both your parents. That can be very time consuming indeed with its own curveballs thrown in. I am curious on how older FLR couples deal with issues related to their own old age as all of us get older and some of us near the end of our working days. An older Midwestern Gentleman.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for writing this. We are at the very beginning of our journey and have just welcomed a new baby into our world. It has definitely disrupted things we had set up and this article helps me keep an eye toward the future.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like what you and your husband have is a very strong connection that’s not immune to being tested, but actually you’re in a better place to be tested because even though you need to scale back during these hard times, even deploying some WLM techniques in small doses provides some normalcy for both of you during turbulent times.
This is a big reason why I started looking into WLM, because once I got beyond the sexual excited of it, I’m there still seemed like so much more to explore and really help strengthen our marriage. Like I mentioned we’re so new to it and my wife isn’t fully on board yet, but this helps solidify that this is worth pursuing.
Thank you and good luck to you!!
Congratulations on the baby! Children are most definitely one of the biggest disrupters in life, but in a very good way. They do make it hard for you to find quality time as a couple, but it is also a time where you can share responsibilities and fun times together as a family.
DeleteGood post. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI've translated it to spanish.
Our experience with aging parents has been the most challenging experience of our relationship. There are many times you have no time, plans change at a moments notice, emotions can be off the charts, and at the end of it all you’re broken hearted. You make it through it, but it changes you and your relationship forever. For me, the experience has made me appreciate everything in my life everyday and truly treasure my wife in every way. She’s a dream come true and she knows that’s how I feel.
ReplyDeleteCC
Yes, I can relate to what you wrote CC. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteMs Kaylee - as you say this is something that will be very relateable to everyone who is in a long-term WLM/FLR. We too are in a similar position with my elderly father. But, the great thing is that with a strong foundation the FLR always remains and burns even brighter when the outside stresses fade.
ReplyDeletep
x
Mz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteGreat article and I hope both sets of parents are doing well.
sw
I have a question..I just had a sit down with my wife about this dynamic. She is not on board, stating that she’d rather us have an equal relationship and fearing that it was that I wanted her to do everything (when it’s the opposite.)
ReplyDeleteThose of you who have successfully started one, what did your experiences look like?
First, I want to commend you for taking the initiative to talk to your wife about it. It takes a lot of courage to have the initial conversation. What a lot of guys fail to understand in the beginning is that it takes work to be the leader and the female does not get turned on by the same things as the male. So while you get excited by being dominated, she may not derive excitement by dominating, and it does become work for her. I am not sure how you presented it to her, but if you want her to tell you everything to do and want her to punish you every time you do something wrong, then that is a turn off for most women who are not into the lifestyle. You need to think about what things make her happy and what excites her, and then show her how she can get those things through FLR. Read my post, "The Submissive Sales Pitch."
DeleteHer fear is probably due to her misunderstanding or lack of knowledge of how to be in charge. Try starting off small by getting her to agree to be in charge for one weekend a month or even having a monthly fantasy weekend where she rules you in bed. This will be fun and will help her build comfort with the concept. Then after a few months see if she'll add one or two simple rules or tasks for you to do weekly. Continue to add-on over time as she gets more comfortable with it. You have to be both patient and persistent..
We have yet to face the issue of caring for elderly parents, but we certainly have had feast and famine times in our WLM. Working around kids is always a challenge, and we have adopted some parenting techniques to enhance our WLM, such as strict bedtimes and a weekly night where the kids sleep over at grandparents' houses. Plus we purposely bought a home with a master suite away from kids' bedrooms. Still, it can be challenging when I want to punish him in the moment or have him service me on command, etc.
ReplyDeleteOne difficult time was when his younger sister dropped out of college and had nowhere to live and we took her in. We hid our WLM for about two weeks and then I told him either she had to go or we had to come out of the closet. We chose the latter, and while he initially was very embarrassed, she took to it readily -- and she and I had many a pleasant evening chatting and having him fill our wine glasses and give us foot massages in betwern his hours of nightly chores in his apron and underwear. It definitely changed her vision of her older brother but not in a bad way, as she truly saw the value of a submissive husband. She has told me she will seek the same if she ever does marry, though she now is very career-focused -- and appreciative of her time with us and the ways in which her eyes were opened. So even challenging times can have its positive impact.
Trina
Trina, thank you for your sharing. My wife and me are in early thirties and we married for seven years. She knows my submissive nature. We also face difficulties in performing WLR at home during daily life. We have a bedroom but not a suite. It is not easy to keep FLR continuously everyday. I am highly appreciated your husband and you could walk out of the closet. That’s wonderful to worship and serve two goddess for him. What a dream of a submissive
DeleteMz. Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteYou have mentioned your high Standards & Strictness on a few occasions and I was wondering at the far end of the spectrum (I suppose in good times) do you both have an idea how far this would go? I am asking because I sometime see rules, and standards and strictness being the same. The reason I ask is that I am hoping for many tasks my Wife/Owner just gets to sit back and enjoy my service. Yet at the same time I yearn for her to participate, and actively work me hard, and be cruel. Its a blend and we see to find it then loose it for a while. :)
Love you blog!!!
Yes, there needs to be a blend for it to work. It is nice that my husband has found a deep devotion to me, which self motivates him to please me and treat me like a Goddess. However, self-motivation only goes so far. In the end my domination, strictness, and sexual teasing keep his motivation strong. Without that reciprocation, his devotion can quickly turn to resentment. Who knows how far things will go. 10 years ago, I would have never imagined that I'd be using my husband as a foot stool or requiring him to wear sissy panties.
DeleteI totally agree about sexual teasing and I believe it is foundational to a successful WLM. My husband, who rarely gets to orgasm, says he is way more sexually satisfied than his friends who have sex with an orgasm with their wives 2-3 times a month. Why? Because he gets his cock played with every day, pften several times a day. He is in a constant state of arousal and has learned that constant arousal is satisfying rather than frustrating, as untrained men would believe. And he basically will do anything I say when he has been edged, so we both are blissfully happy.
DeleteTrina
Trina - another convert to FLR. Good work! :)
ReplyDeleteMz Kaylee , I see all these people struggling to make these FLR relationships and marriages work and i always feel that they’re trying to put a square peg in a round hole and well maybe they have to make certain adjustments to have their FLR marriage work out , it actually makes me sad in a way but do you know sometimes and I know it’s rare but sometimes people find each other and it’s perfect , like maybe the stars align or something but sometimes it happens and it’s a great femdom relationship , I write on these femdom blogs in hope that my experience will help people or like inspire people to try and live their life’s like they want , I am a slave to my dominant wife for a very long time we have been a female dominant couple for longer then-ill bet a lot of your readers have been alive , when my wife and I found each other it was really out of the blue no planning just feeling we had this attraction that was very strong she was what I wanted and-needed it and I was what she wanted and needed , this was a time when there was no internet a couple of femdom magazines in adult book stores Bizarre Life magazine was all that you could find about female domination and here my wife and I had this crazy attraction to female domination , we just did domination like out of instinct or need or just raw passion but we experienced such orgasms we were like stunned and we felt like we were the only couple on earth doing this stuff , well it got stronger and stronger and hard whipping and well behavior modification started taking place and wow I can say I loved it I wanted to please my Mistress so bad but in this small eastern Christian town where we lived we were blocked from being who we really were , we moved to Florida but-that was worst then where we were living in Pennsylvania but when we moved to California the San Francisco area that things got better for us , we found others who felt like us I mean dominant women who were on good morning San Francisco promoting female domination , we joined a group called society of Janus San Jose group , they helped us to find our way , we went to one meeting and my wife who had already cuckolded me by this time but we were quiet about it like in a way ashamed or something of it even though we really didn’t feel that way , well we were at a Janus meeting and there was about 5o people there and mistress Thorn the moderator I guess you could call her decided to play truth or dare well when she got to my Mistress she said we are married but I have love lovers on the out side when I want and I’m bbc only and my husband is faithful to me only , the people gasped and my mistress said isn’t that right to me and I said yes I have only been with my Mistress and yes another-gasp , then this really handsome black man just walked up to my wife and she stood up and they just kissed like very passionately he even was squeezing my wife’s butt as they kissed and the people gasped again then the black man walked away and said I guess she proved her point and everyone clapped they got a small ovation and before the Janus meeting was over my wife had found a new lover who she a relationship with for a few months and people out here in California are-really into personal freedom we were accepted and my wife dominated me and had her black lovers and it really was no-big deal ,but what I’m saying in a round about way is if you go by your gut feeling how you really feel don’t deny your self or worry about what people think well you’ll be a happier satisfied person and well I believe there is someone for all of us and when your chance comes around take it I feel that’s the road to happiness thank you so much , slave cc
ReplyDeleteGood for you for being on the leading edge (pun intended)!
DeleteYou apparently didn't need to be trained. But most men do. I am not fitting a square peg(ged) husband into a round hole. I am molding him into the husband of my dreams by edging him constantly. He loves it!
Trina