The ability to shape your husband into your perfect submissive is an exciting element of WLM. It is a powerful feeling when I realize he has been molded by me. It’s also fantastic because it means he has changed his behavior to something I desire and something that benefits me. Shaping does not happen overnight. It takes time, training, and conditioning. When you are shaping your husband, it is like breaking his habits and training him with new habits. Various research indicates it takes 18 to 254 days to break a habit. Shaping in a WLM is about changing lifelong learned behaviors, so my guess is that the timing is more towards the high end of the range (254 days). Some things require time and experience to get him to a mindset to want to do the desired behavior and so it may take years before the molding is complete.
What does it mean to be shaped? It is not just training him
to do something. It is about creating a behavior or attitude that is
instinctive for him. It is about changing his actual thought process. Let me
give a few examples:
Chores: He does chores
consistently to my expectations without me having to tell him what to do or
when to do it. He gets satisfaction out of doing his chores and it bothers him
when they are not done. My husband will often turn down requests to do things
with his friends because he knows he needs to get his chores done.
Yielding to me: It is
instinctive for him to yield to my decision making and to my desires. Arguing
does not occur to him or is a very rare occurrence. When presented with
options, it is instinctive for him to defer to me or to choose the option that benefits
me rather than him.
Seeking my approval for social
activities: He does not make plans without consulting with me. He will
defer to me or direct friends to me when scheduling social activities as a
couple. It is an automatic reaction to seek my approval versus him having to do
it because I require it.
Sex: When he thinks about
sex, he is thinking about orally pleasuring me and not PIV sex. He has no
expectations for an orgasm or being on top. His pleasure comes from my pleasure,
and he desires to be beneath me, pleasuring me.
Notice how in the examples above, the behaviors and things
he is doing are instinctive or desired by him. That is when you know he has
been shaped. These are all real examples of how my husband has been shaped.
Things were not always that way with him. The shaping and conditioning occurred
over many years. Some shaping occurred without us even realizing it. In some
ways, I was even shaped by the experience, as I learned to be more dominate and
controlling. These days I am more intentional about shaping, such as getting
him to be more purposeful in his talking. Whether it’s purposeful or
unintentional, it is exciting when I reflect on his behavior and thought
process today versus years ago and I realize he is a different person because
of my influence and control.
How about for you submissives? Is it exciting to be shaped
by your wife or female partner? When your thoughts and actions have been
permanently influenced by female power, is that a huge mind fuck for you? How have you been shaped? Do you fantasize about being molded a certain way by your wife or girlfriend?
=Mz Kaylee
Mz Kaylee, what do you mean by “getting him to be more purposeful in his talking” ?
ReplyDeleteNot wasting my time by babbling on about things that I do not care about.Not getting on my nerves by being stupid.
DeleteIt bothers me in FLRs that the premise is that men are the only ones who need fixing. I would get offended if my girlfriend also did not admit she had things she needed to work on too. We are both human beings and both have flaws not just 1 partner.
ReplyDeleteHuh? Nowhere in my post did I say that was the premise of a FLR. If that was your only take away from this post, then you must not be in a FLR and you do not understand submission.
DeleteAs a submissive male, I am highly motivated to please my Wife. I crave Her approval as well as Her permission to experience sexual pleasure. As a result, it takes little effort on Her part to “shape” new habits or teach me new behaviors. I seek Her direction and once She teaches me a new behavior I am highly motivated to repeat it. If I please Her, the reward of doing so is so very worth it to me, to just have Her approval is enough, but there is always the chance that She might also give me a special treat :-). A true submissive longs to be molded by his Dominant Superior Female. Edwin
DeleteMz Kaylee, totally agree that when your wife realizes she has the power to condition you through just her expectations you’re in a Femdom relationship. The challenge for me is that I have those moments when I revert back to old ways, even if it’s only for a few hours. This totally breaks the dynamic and it seems to take days or weeks to move forward. Yes, I have changed some, but as you say it takes years to effect real change. Old habits are hard to break even if you want to please her. Sounds like you have a very special relationship that you both really work at every day.
DeleteCC
CC, I'd say your experience is pretty typical. That is where discipline, punishment, and rewards come in. All these things together help the submissive get back on track. Of course, deep down the submissive needs to want to change. Without the desire, it won't happen. However, as you pointed out, even with desire, you still need a helping hand.
DeleteMz Kaylee, thank you for this very interesting post.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for the Google translation, I hope I'm understandable.
I also like to serve my Mistress, anticipate her needs, please her without her asking me.
But things are not always easy. There are for me 4 levels of submission.
Level 1: the submissive obeys the orders of his Mistress. He cleans because his Mistress orders him to do so. He awaits orders from his Mistress.
Level 2: the submissive obeys because he is afraid of being punished. He knows that if he doesn't clean up his ass will burn.
Level 3: he cleans because it is normal for him to clean. It is his job, it is up to him to do it and he has integrated this work into his daily life.
Level 4: he enjoys cleaning because what makes him happy is making his Mistress's life easier. Housework makes sense to him. He anticipates and imagines what he could do to please him.
Ideally, the submissive should be at level 4. But how does he or the Mistress do to maintain the motivation and quality of the submission?
Michel
Rewards, punishment, discipline, and a structured environment
DeleteHello Mz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post and is timely. A very busy time of year is approaching where men can step into or step up their WLM/FLR. Most of the work with the cultural aspects have fallen on women while men watch the game. It should be no more and especially not in a WLM/FLR that he is on the couch while she is in the kitchen. This is unfortunate but does not have to continue. What we men can do
Be present and available for your woman. Its more than just asking what can I do. You should ask her what would help her and ask how she wants it done - do the laundry, yes, and fold the towels the way she wants them. Make the bed, to her liking. You may or may not know how to cook, but its time to learn to cook a few things she likes. You can do the clean up and dishes regardless who cooks. You should wear an apron if she likes, if alone maybe a skirt and topless. If her friends are over, make yourself useful by ensuring refreshments are available but not intruding into their conversation.
Yielding to her wishes for cultural festivities is necessary because she is the one with experience. Don't act like you know more when you don't. A good time to identify and neutralize mansplaining. This will be a segway to yield further in other areas. And she is in control of the calendar, period.
You will be physically and mentally tired making her life easier. Falling asleep on the couch unshowered should be no more. This is no excuse to let your grooming suffer, you must keep yourself physically appealing to her and still be available to her when things have settled down in the evening - always be showered, brushed teeth, and a supply of viagra if that is what she wants.
Men if this is what you want, show it. It could lead to greater things in WLM/FLR. Stop the fantasy and embark on reality.
From Bobby
DeleteGreat advice Bobby. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteI have 100% been shaped over the course of my marriage and I’m not sure my wife is even aware of this FLR dynamic (I wasn’t until recently discovering this site.)
ReplyDeleteMy wife wouldn’t describe herself as particularly dominant, though she has the dominant personality in our relationship. She is actually uncomfortable with the idea that she would be put in that position, even though she really enjoys being served and pampered by me. I’m doing my best to lean into it and help encourage her to embrace it. Small example, this year with our Xmas cards, I encouraged her to put her name first (the man is usually named first, stupid I know.) That has always bothered her so I’m trying to help buck that.
I believe she has a lot of hang ups about it socially. What would you suggest? How can I continue to help shaping her and encouraging her to embrace this role that truly from my perspective, she’s designed to embrace? This goes beyond sexual for me and us, so I’m not caught up in some fantasy. Would love your thoughts and suggestions.
This is interesting to me. In my opinion, continue putting her needs before yours and do your best to promote the dynamic. I hate to say it, but things will change over time if it’s right for the two of you…
Delete- BK
Keep encouraging her and offering suggestions. It took time for me to get comfortable with leading. My husband bought me books about FLR and printed out articles for me to read. That helped a lot. Avoid extreme topics in the beginning. See if she will try doing things as fantasy play. When it is just fantasy play, she can relax and have fun. Overtime she may get comfortable with it. Expects ups and downs and don't give up.
DeleteThanks for the advice! I appreciate you taking the time to share from 20+ years of your experience in an FLR. I will keep on it and let you all know how it goes!
DeleteI certainly have shaped, trained, and molded my husband, but I can't say he has made inherent changes to his personality and has become naturally submissive. Our FLR is transactional and I don't mind that. We recently started a new transaction: 10 hours of extra chores earns him 10 minutes of penis stimulation with my fingers and tongue that he can actually request rather than waiting and hoping for me to choose to play with him. The caveat is that he doesn't get to come and if he does accidentally in my hand he owes me 20 hours of chores (and 100 hours if in my mouth). You should see him scurrying around with his cock sticking out trying to get 10 hours done so he can have 10 minutes of tease and denial on demand!
ReplyDeleteTrina
This is on top of the 2-3 hours of standard chores he does every evening after work, and 4-8 on Saturday and Sunday.
DeleteEvery relationship is unique. More power to you both, I say.
DeleteThe power of tease and denial is mysterious and great! I think you will discover that some things about how he thinks will change over time. My post is reflection over 20+ years of FLR.
DeleteTo improve this I would decrease play time to 2 minutes and increase chore time to at least 50 hours (+ daily at least 5 hours). If this still doesn't kill him, add further hours.
DeleteI have no trouble with doing all the chores. I like to stay home when not working so getting approval for social activities is not a problem. I do have trouble yielding to my wife all the time. We have arguments. My wife wants to be the dominant partner in the marriage. She does not use sex or kink as motivation and has no interest in enforcing chastity. She doesn't want oral sex. There is no punishment for disobedience except that she gets angry. Being submissive to her all the time is not so easy without some sexual fun attached to it. I try my best to motivate myself. I make it sexual for myself by doing things like cleaning the house nude and plugged.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry there is an imbalance in your relationship. You are a good man for serving her. I hope you can convince her to engage in activities that motivate you. In any relationship, FLR or not, the sexual needs of each partner are important and should not be ignored.
DeleteI think the step by step shorting of the leash on the male does change their mind set and produces positive change that is lasting. Mz Kaylee your example of chores and how he worries about getting them completed to meet your expectations is a great example. You have set expectations, so there is no need for you to deal with when and how. This is a huge mind fuck for me when my wife relaxes with friends or watches a show while I’m working away. This makes me feels very subjugated. It has become the norm, she totally enjoys not needing to concern herself with the chores and feels that her expectations are known, so there is no need for discussion. Actually feel that she leaves things out just for me put away as away to flaunt her conditioning of me. This is very humiliating to find after she leaves to have lunch with fiends and just adds to my chores. She will many times text me when she is out just to add something to my standard chores. I’m expected to respond appropriately that I understand and will get it done. Again, this just makes me feel totally subjugated and aroused. She obviously finds it amusing and loves the chores being done. Chores tend to set the other aspects of the relationship in motion and really makes me submissive.
ReplyDeleteHer Househusband
I absolutely love entertaining girlfriends while he does chores and serves us. My girlfriends love it too! As I mentioned a while ago, he wears an apron over underpants with a bare chest. He is pretty buff and my girlfriends love teasing him as much as I do!
DeleteTrina
Sounds like he gets very objectified and you ladies get served and entertained. Win win
DeleteTrina and tony, I also wear just underpants at home (with an apron when I am cooking). My girlfriend has me wear tight fitting briefs that show the shape of my bottom. She frequently swats it, just to show that she wears the pants around here.
DeleteLove the shortening of the leash analogy :). It is a process!
DeleteDon’t want a girl who needs to shape me. My shape is just fine, thank you.
ReplyDeleteI hear you man, girls are for boys! My Mistress is a beautiful, strong and loving woman. FYI , my shape can do nothing but improve!
ReplyDeleteScott
Maam
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. Service is at the heart of every relationship, and a real FLR allows this to be more freely given by the male. It is a beautiful thing. I also believe it is how god truly wants his creations to live.
Pete
This is a particulatly interesting post. A lot of the point made by Ms Kaylee seem almost to be a given - the chores, the seeking approval, the sex - but it's the 'yielding to me' that seems to beg a question or two. To what extent does the woman in control of her FLR want to shape the way in which her man thinks?
ReplyDeleteDeferring to the head of the house is obviously correct behaviour by the submissive man. Making choices that will please her is something else that should be automatic. However, do we think that a male can or should be moulded to adopt a superior woman's wayb of thinking on all matters? Cultural tastes? Political thinking? General view of the world?
Ms Kaylle speaks of using her influence and control to change her husband's attitudes or character. I guess that I'm asking in a roundabout way whether it is influence or control that is more important or effective in bringing about the desired result. One implies an element of choice, the other none at all.
To what extent is independent thought for a submissive desirable at all in an FLR? if a submissive man believes something to be the case and his dominant wife holds a different point of view, is she justified in insisting that he adopt her way of thinking and take steps to make that adjustment permanent?
My view is that independent thought is essential. Your Domme is not there to take all on her shoulders. The subs role is to try to anticipate and facilitate her life.
DeleteWe have a written contract. One of the clauses states that she is always right. This doesn’t mean that I can never dispute anything she says. It does mean that if she hears me out and doesn’t buy whatever my point is, I can’t pout or continually revisit the subject. It’s healthy, really.
DeleteHow do you keep from being resentful when she overrules you on an issue/situation you are passionate about? Knowing you can be overruled would eventually cause me to be deflated going into a discussion especially after being overruled recently. I am afraid with myself I could easily become resentful enough to start losing affection for her and affecting our relationship long term maybe even to the point of breaking up.
DeleteSecond Anon is by EB. Apologies.
DeleteIt (overruling me on something I’m passionate about) hasn’t happened yet. But if it did, well, that’s something I literally signed up for. No one said this was easy. Also, we’re very close and she wouldn’t do something like this just to make a point—I’d trust her to have good reasons, even if she didn’t tell me what they were.
DeleteEB
Would you share an example of something you feel passionate about and let’s think through some logical consequences of being overruled.
DeleteWe were up to buy a new car recently. I wanted one type of car and my wife wanted another type. I didn’t see the logic in her choice and she didn’t quite see the logic in mine, but I dug in for awhile. We were getting nowhere and finally, I deferred to her and went with her choice for my next car. I enjoy driving it and it was not something I completely dislike or anything; it’s very nice, just not what I’d choose for myself if it was up to me. But she makes the final call on these things for us so I chose to accept it.
Fast forward 4 months later and she’s saying that she’s eating a bit of crow and maybe should’ve gone with my choice, realizing that the factors she was considering don’t matter a ton.
Now I can be upset and stomp my feet or I can choose to recognize that she will not always make the perfect decision (neither will I btw) but overall, I wouldn’t submit to someone I don’t trust to respect my input OR make the best decision for our family over time most of the time.
Now something with higher stakes: our kids schooling. I know we’ll disagree to an extent on this and yet I know ultimately if we can’t come to an agreement, I’ll yield to her decision and trust that it’s what’s best for them and us. And know that if it doesn’t turn out well, we can change schools. Very little is irreversible.
So are you nervous that something she decides is truly not able to be changed or reversed, or are you just holding onto control because you think you know better?
You brought up the perfect example. With the new car purchase when both of you had a difference of opinion on which one to buy. Did both of you try to come up with a compromise? A different car which had the features that you found to be very important to you and the features that would be very important to her. Where I would be resentful is that she overruled on a car that I would be primarily using. I would find that very frustrating and I would be reminded of her overruling me every time I used the car, thus simmering negative feelings most every day. A compromise at least would make me feel that my feelings were important on the matter. A compromise might have given the best option on such a major purchase. Plus with me having more of a say I wouldn't feel the resentment when using the new car. It's being guaranteed to be overruled on the big things that bother me on this. I don't mind compromises because on major purchases/decisions you want both partners fully on board and feeling like they "own" the decision and not the decision was dictated to them.
DeleteI hear you on this and there’s an opportunity for you to do some work of letting go of control and those feelings of resentment. Communicate with her on that. If you have healthy communication and she ultimately decides to go against what you felt was important, then it’s up to you to work on that and trust that she is leading well.
DeleteAlso, buying a car isn’t permanent. Try it for 6 mos and if you aren’t able to deal with it and it’s so upsetting to you, bring it up with her! Maybe you can trade it in and buy a different one. Or maybe a lease is a better option for you. You must take ownership of what you can control and how you feel.
Thanks for your responses.
DeleteUnfortunately I am not in a position to afford another car after only 6 months so for me it is a more permanent situation. I was also thinking since i am not in a marriage situation if the situation happened and it would cause me that much "heartburn", I would preferably end the FLR or worse the relationship.
Great discussion. Regarding independent thinking - I do not want my husband to be a robot, so yes, independent thinking is important. I enjoy having intellectual conversations with him. I listen and take his advice into consideration. He's a smart guy so I would be foolish to not take it. However, I do have final say in all matters. That is what he signed up for in a FLR. I care about him and so I would not purposely make a decision that would cause him to be resentful. This does not mean that I won't make decision that he does not like. In a FLR, the wife's desires and needs come first, and he accepts that. As one of you noted above (wish you guys would use a name or initials), when there is trust and respect for each other, it does not matter if one person does not make the best decision. In the end you make it work. For those of you concerned about major life decisions, what would you do in a traditional marriage? How would you come to agreement? If you are really that far off on your opinions, then maybe you are not true soul mates? The benefit of a FLR vs. a traditional marriage, is that in a FLR there is predefined agreement of who the final decision maker is when there is a stalemate.,
DeleteI realized after I should have been using initials. Apologies.
DeleteExactly. To your point Mz Kaylee, we have several close couple friends who are not in a defined FLR like us. When major decisions come up, they make it work eventually, and it’s takes them time and there are lots of feelings and roadblocks in the process. They are not super far apart on a lot of these things, but their egos and jockeying for power in the relationship are, from my vantage point, super apparent.
My wife and I have the agreement about her getting the final say. Most times, she makes the decisions without consulting me (and I do the same with things that are of little consequence.) But we have identified areas that need more mutual discussion and when those arise, it is 100% understood that ultimately, she will make the final call.
On a side note, because we have practiced this communication so much and agreed on this dynamic, she often k it’s exactly what my hang ups are going to be. For example, when she wanted a new outdoor furniture set, she went out and bought it without consulting me. I asked her about it out of curiosity, and she said “I knew you’d be concerned about the price and the space it would take up. I knew you’d like certain colors and hate others. So I took that into consideration and instead of calling you about it, when I found what would work, I just bought it.”
So she obviously doesn’t ever need to consult me on this type of purchase, but she really cares about my opinion. However, because she knows me so we’ll and knows what my opinions will be on certain things, there was no delay in purchasing much needed outdoor furniture, she simply took that into account and made the executive decision to make the purchase. She told me after to adjust the budget accordingly from a different area because I’m the one who oversees the finances. She knew I’d make it work, and yet she also cared about my opinion to consider it before making the purchase.
This is a small example of how streamlined life can be when you have great communication, healthy respect and a good agreed upon dynamic.
-JTB
Thanks for all the thought out replies too. I am an older quieter (passive in nature) man from the midwest who is very "cautious" about major purchases. I am between relationships right now (just ended a LDR) and was wondering if there was a relationship style that might "fit" better with my quiet demeanor. Unfortunately what I have currently seen has raised several "red" flags for me. The cautiousness of a lack of trust might stem from a broken relationship. I might check up now and then to see if there are any posts/comments that give me a "warm fuzzy" again on considering a FLR for a future relationship (my past relationships have been equal partnerships). I do believe there are many brilliant professional/business/technical women out there who are very loving and just simply want to lead (steer the relationship ship). mtb
DeleteMy husband was lucky in that we already had a solid and trusting relationship before we started FLR, so there were no red flags to be worried about. I do think it is smart to be cautious when starting a new relationship. I have no experience with starting a FLR in a new relationship but I would think you would want to set ground rules and start off with allowing her limited authority until you build that trust. For example, I would not advise any type of financial control in a new relationship.
DeleteThe conditioning and the shaping will occur over time as MsKaylee points out. It takes time and effort on her part as it does with my wife. To what degree probably depends on the wife. If it’s something she really desired like chores, it will probably happen. The condition will take time but it will happen. Old habits are changed and new habits take shape. We have seen it happen on a larger scale with COVID. Doesn’t matter if you like the changes, you adapt over time and some of the things don’t seem to be changing back like work from home for many.
ReplyDeleteNew habits are established and if she sticks to her controling and strict ways, you will be doing the chores from there on. You start to think about what needs to be finished today and done tomorrow, while she’s planning on meeting the girls for lunch. It’s not all a party but it does give the subjugated feeling and arousal.
Us submissive guys are weak for controlling and dominate women. They really don’t have to work that at once they realize that.
Agree :)
DeleteI don't control how my husband thinks, nor do I want to. I control how my husband behaves, and that is really all that matters to me.
ReplyDeleteTrina
Trina, you hit the mail on the head. Y wife doesn’t control how I think, and yet she has 100% influenced the way I go about making decisions.
DeleteEvery decision I make about us is sure to benefit her. And the key point is, her decisions usually benefit me too. If I didn’t feel like they did, I’d question if I was in a relationship worth staying in.
I’m talking beyond a sexual dynamic where I gave up control. I mean, if I didn’t believe that she had my best interest at heart ultimately, I wouldn’t view her as worthy of serving. You must have self-worth people!
Trina, I get the feeling you like to be the Lion Tamer?
DeleteLion tamer is a very good description of me. Trina
DeleteMy wife would never try to tell me how or what to think. As Trina says, she shapes my behavior, not my thoughts. We have often voted for different candidates, for example. However, I clean the bathrooms when and how she desires as an act of service to her. I clean the kitchen to her standards to demonstrate my acknowledgment that she is in charge of our house. I wear what she wants me to wear when we go out because I want to please her. I orgasm only when she allows because I know that helps me focus on her. We have agreed that “too frequent” orgasms are not good for me or our relationship — we both see this. I submit to her willingly because serving her brings me joy. I truly need her authority in my life, but I think my own thoughts. Regarding major life decisions: cars, houses, vacations, raising kids, finances, etc., we have always respectfully made them together. BUT, she is in charge of our house! Edwin
ReplyDeleteThis is very much the way we are. I don't want to have to make all the decisions by myself. And I want him to act like a man. Except when I want him to act like a housewife. Trina
DeleteAnd even then I want his penis hard and sticking out so it's obvious he is turned on by serving me. Trina
DeleteTrina you are a hoot. You definitely know what you want and how to get it. Thanks for contributing you always make me laugh. CC
DeleteShaping behavior, ultimately changes how you think doesn't it? Peoples thoughts are shaped by many influencers. Just look at the impact social media has on people. Your friends and peers also influence how you think and act. Whether you are in a FLR or not, your wife has an influence on how you think. In a FLR, the influence is just greater. When you think about it, Influence is a form of control. The best influencers are those that get you to do what they want, without you even realizing it.
ReplyDeleteTrue, Mz Kaylee, and I agree, but my point is that my wife has never attempted to influence my political or world/social views, only how I behave around Her house and in Her presence. I will say, though, that I consider myself to be a feminist, although I am in no way outwardly effeminate. Edwin
DeleteYou do not need to be effeminate to be a feminist. When I met my wife, I’ll confess I was immature and never would have called myself a feminist. She must have either recognized consciously or subconsciously that she could influence me because fast forward several years and now I would consider myself very much a supporter of women and women’s rights.
DeleteIt’s almost as if she spoke it into existence or pulled it out of me..she started by calling me a feminist and bringing up these issues facing women all the time. After being exposed to her views and experiences, and those of her friends and co-workers, over time I have changed my views and become more supportive and passionate about those causes.
Exposing me to her views and spending more time with her friends and watching different media, etc. has made a big difference. And that’s where controlling the social life is important. She took the reigns on that for us and suddenly I was around a lot more strong-willed and opinionated women and more open-thinkers and eventually that did influence how I thought because that side of things was humanized for me.
Even in an FLR don’t you believe there is influence both ways? The woman in many cases, is exposed and influenced by the man to take on the mantle that comes with an FLR. So to the above comment, it goes back to trust between the two and mutual respect.
ReplyDeleteRon D.
It's certainly true that reshaping behavior also reshapes thinking. If reshaped thinking help him behave the way I want him to, and that's great. But at the same time, I don't want a husband who is docile and so intuitive that he knows what I want Without me ever telling him.
DeleteThat was me, Trina. I like making him do what I want. Forcing him. That's half the horizon for me.
ReplyDeleteHorizon should read arousal . Stupid auto correct.
ReplyDeleteRon - yes, influence goes both ways. It seems that most FLRs are introduced by the male and not the female. In this scenario, the male is typically the one doing the influencing and shaping. However, over time, as the wife discovers the benefits of dominance and the power she wields, she becomes the influencer. As the relationship matures, there is little influence by the male. At least that has been my experience.
ReplyDeleteThat is my experience too. My partner and I are not in a 24/7 FLR. She started spanking me at my suggestion, and to begin with it was purely erotic. Then one day we had a slight argument about a household chore I had not done. To my surprise she said: "That's enough, you are beginning to annoy me." Taking a paddle in her hand, she said: "Bend over!"
DeleteShe then gave me a short spanking, not very severe, but enough to make my bottom sting slightly, to punish me for my disobedience. I then did the chore she wanted done.
I imagine that relationships often develop in this way.
Mz Kaylee, I agree with the influencer starts with the husband typically and if the wife embraces and is consistent with her dominance becomes the influencer. That can become a bit difficult for us guys in many cases. As my wife said originally, “Careful what you wish for, you may just get it”. When she’s walking out the door to have lunch and shopping with the fiends and you’re spending the day doing house work, it’s a bit frustrating at times. The good thing is that it brings on submissive feelings/arousal and your content to be the househusband.
DeleteHer Househusband
I think the hardest part for me is the idea of giving up my free time and my wife being comfortable doing that. We haven’t gotten to that stage yet and I’m not sure we will. I’m resistant to that in my mind. More so than financial control even.
DeleteI know what it feels like to be wary. Just take it little by little. You’ve got this!
DeleteJTB
Since we are talking about problem areas of turning things over, my problem area is turning over physical discipline over to my girlfriend. I have a huge issue with pain and a huge issue with humiliation with both being a big turnoff for me. I don't mind being calmly explained when I "messed up" because I am not perfect, but I like a leader who works with me in a gentle positive way.
Delete“Different strokes for different folks”. What excites me while placing me in complete submission is when my Queen, as she is sitting in bed having her coffee, advising that this morning before she leaves for work that I have an appointment with her paddle. While the discipline is being administered believe me I am praying for it to be over but it does make our WLM and our love for each other stronger. I can certainly see that this doesn’t fit in every box but in our case it works very well.
ReplyDeletesw
I echo the above sentiment of discipline. My wife is not into the physical discipline side of things either and neither am I, so we have found a way to make it work. No judgment obviously for those who it is a big turn on or a big part of their dynamic, we just have different life experiences where that is not something we’d like as part of our swirls.
ReplyDeleteAnd yet we still have a good healthy power dynamic we live with, she clearly runs the roost (when she wants, on her terms.)
Swirls = life. Not sure how that corrected
ReplyDeleteI know this doesn't relate to this topic. I was wondering if there could be an article on how a FLR lite (or Level 1) would work or be set up. Something on the far "gentler" side of things. Maybe talk about how they discuss the process of turning over a favor of their relationship to her, how well it worked on integrating into their lives, etc.
ReplyDeleteI second this!! I would love to hear more about the beginning stages. Maybe some interviews with couples in different stages of setting it up?
ReplyDeleteIf you read the posts over the past few years and the profiles, you will learn a lot about how these relationships start and how they develop.
ReplyDeleteThanks I’ll do that as I’m new here.
ReplyDeleteYes, the profiles are a great source of information. You may also like the post "The Submissive Salles Pitch" that was published in Dec 2021. Welcome to the blog! I will consider writing a post that discusses the beginning stages and how FLRs evolve.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the guidance. I absolutely love the content I’ve seen and your writing style. It’s the best I’ve found in my search for new information on this new appealing lifestyle. I hope you keep it up!
ReplyDeleteFor women, the "Taking Over the Reins of Control in Your Marriage" in November 2015 is a great 3-part series about the beginnings of a successful FLR "directed towards women who are discovering or new to the concept of Female Led Relationship/Marriage (FLR/FLM)" Part 2 is about celebrating your husband's submission – it's a gift, you'll see! And in Part 3 Mz Kaylee goes into a "read about it, talk about it, try it" approach to your new FLR.
ReplyDeleteIn November 2016's "FLR: Fantasy vs Reality" she talks about how to mix it up to get your husband to be loyal, dedicated, devoted, and obedient to you. "Over time our lifestyle morphed into a FLR... One the best compliments I received from my husband was that he felt as if he was living in a fantasy every day and he loved every moment of it. That was very reassuring to me that I was doing the right things in how I run our FLR."
Throughout this blog Mz Kaylee makes it clear that no matter how your FLR starts, it can be shaped, you just say "it's so." For submissive men like me it's the ongoing rule making, rule changing, evolving and shaping that's the exciting part. It reassures both of us.
DT
Thank you so much! Wow this is so helpful. I’m really enjoying stepping into this community, everyone is great!
DeleteAnother approach could be to read Mz Kaylee's blog from the beginning, by reading one blog post each day. Like reading one passage from the bible daily. I was blessed to learn about FTT about six months after she began, and often go back to read entries to refresh my memory.
DeleteI've never thought of it this way, but being shaped is exactly what has happened over time. I've always just thought of it as training, and being educated by her. But shaping, and molding defines it so much more effectively. Examples in my life would be just knowing when I am driving her someplace I don't want to be such as a hair salon, or taking her to one of her friends places that it will be her choice as to whether I will be going into the building, and waiting for her, or if I'll be waiting in the car. But I don't ever tell her I'll be heading home, and she can take a taxi cab home. Not talking when she wants her quiet time. Another is keeping her car clean, and ensuring there is always 1/2 tank of gas or more in it. I don't look at either of these as doing her a favor. I do it instinctively as I've been molded by her as her submissive to do these things for her as a responsibility to make her life easier. I don't look as it as an inconvenience. A long time ago these examples would have been difficult, and bothered me immensely. But with the years of being shaped by her, I now just do without being told. This has been a very enlightening blog post for me. I always viewed it as 'trained', but it's well beyond that.
ReplyDeleteIs there consent given by the husband before he undergoes the shaping? Is their good communication with him about what is going on? Or is he "tricked" and manipulated into this? I guess I am missing the part of the communication and consent portion before the process ever begins. MTB
ReplyDeleteHe consented the day he asked me to take control of him.
DeleteMz Kaylee , I have been owned in a femdom cuckold marriage for a long time , I always obey my owner I’m in a very strict TPE marriage and I pay a high price if I screw up so sometimes I’ve done everything right I had no transgressions then I’ll get the whip to make sure I stay that way and I’d like to mention my wife is very sadistic and she has a long time black lover who-she isn’t to discreet about at all our neighbors see him I mean he stays over our house a lot and he loves to kiss my wife so the neighbors get a show right out in front of our house and it turns my wife on shes an exhibitionist when they go out on dates he drives up comes in and when she's ready they walk right out his arms round her , there is a few neighbor women that ask what’s he like , but we are talking about shaping husbands here I feel that the hard whipping-and punishment that she gives me on a regular basis well it helps me find my sub space and then anything is possible , I have to emphasize she doesn’t give me a pity pat whipping little play beating this she is very heavy handed this is a real behavior modification ,I have no safe words she has no mercy with her crop in-her hand crying won’t do me any good it will make her furious so she taught me to find my subspace and I love her for it and it works like for humiliation even when we are out with her lover ,oh yes , we go out as a triad and they dirty dance in front of me all the time at the club where we go it’s black men and white women so everyone knows what’s up in the club but I don’t mind Im just happy that mywife has complete freedom with me I never want to be like an obstacle in the way of her freedom and happiness , My Mistress and Master I feel have truly shaped into the slave cuckold that they want, I do house work everything my wife never goes near a dirty dish I’m a very particular house maid my Mistress and Master demand perfection doing house work I do his condo also , but my wife always says Im still a work in progress and there’s always room for improvement she says I’m far from being a perfect slave , thank you slavery cc
ReplyDeleteThis is the counterpart to the "naturally submissive" type, and I relate a lot more to the "shaping/training" narrative.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I had any developed submissive tendencies in my 20s. I had all kinds of ambitions to be in a male-dominant relationship with a traditional and submissive wife. The thought of showing that younger version of myself some kind of vision of his future -- and imagining my own horror at the fate in store for me! -- is oddly arousing.
The "shaping" process was very slow and had lots of resistance along the way -- I was initially fine with letting her choose lots of play-oriented bedroom experiences, but very resistant to domestic service components of the relationship. Even the play stuff I wanted to split more evenly with switching dynamics. It's a huge turn-on thinking about how futile that resistance was, and about how patient she was at transforming me into an obedient house-husband with far more duties and fewer rewards -- thinking about how much more my wife gets from me now, and about how much less I'm able to demand in return.
How many wives have a long loving conversation with their husbands and gain his obvious consent he wants and is on board with the behavior changes she will help him get? Many of these posts seem to me miss the loving communication between the submissive husband and dominant wife. It assumes the dominant wife has free reign to do whatever she wants even if it is detrimental to her submissive husband.
ReplyDeleteFor the last 14 years, my wife has given me a weekly allowance up to $50. She tops up a debit card to $40. Naked and kneeling, if I’m able to convince her I need the “extra” and I’ll be responible with it, if I’m genuinely humble and thankful, she hands me the $10 portion. As a roll of quarters. I am not allowed to take cash back when making purchases with the card. So, it’s extremely rare that I have foldable cash on me at all.
ReplyDeleteOne day back in August this year she told me that on Saturday I would be taking her two nieces, an 11- and a 9-year old, to an amusement park for a day of fun. That Friday night I found myself nearly overwhelmed when I looked at the $500 cash she handed me. She told me it was the girls’ money and to get whatever they wanted with it. My hands actually shook, it was unfathomable that I was holding that much cash! I wasn’t quite sure where to stash it for the night. She laughed. I didn’t sleep well. Thinking of a better spot, I moved the stash once in the middle of the night. It was surprising to both of us how flustered I was about holding cash.
She also thought was interesting when she saw my sense of relief as I handed her back the day’s remaining cash as soon as we got home -- even more so that I was so overwhelmed with it that I had given it back to her in front of the girls! I wasn’t surprised when she split it, giving $34 to each niece, but she also dropped 3 quarters in my hands and we all laughed when she said “and 75 cents for this good boy” and I thanked her with much too much enthusiasm, then turned red.
Late that night I strippped naked and knelt before my wife. I wanted to make a point of thanking her for this strange newfound excitement of her long established financial control over me, and the realization that I no longer thought of foldable cash as something in my realm. It is my Queen’s. But still, that wasn’t quite right...
I didn’t have a way to say exactly why I found it so exciting, but later, after reading this post about “shaping” -- there is the heart of it. My mind fuck, and the excitement for both of us, is the realization that her female power permanently shapes my thoughts and actions!
Thank you for this post Mz Kaylee, it was enlightening.
Drew