Earlier in the summer my husband and I had the opportunity to get away for a few weeks. One f the perks of working remotely is that you can work anywhere and so we decided to spend a few weeks away in order to get a change in scenery. It was the first time in a long while that we had "alone time" without kids or interruptions from family and friends.
With the pandemic still going and having two teenagers in the house, it has limited the intimate time with my husband and the opportunities to do the more intense or kinky domination, which I enjoy and my husband craves. After we made plans to take the trip without the kids, it was no surprise to me when my husband asked if I would do a Boot Camp while we were away. He was practically begging for it. It was an easy decision for me and he was like an excited kid when I told him that Boot Camp would indeed be in his future..
If you have not read my boot camp posts, the links are here:\
Submissive Craving Boot Camp: https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2019/10/submissive-craving-boot-camp.html
Submissive Craving Boot Camp Continued: https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2019/10/submissive-craving-boot-camp-continued.html
I pretty much followed the same process and had the same rules in place as the last boot camp, with just a few changes here and there. This was the third time I've done Boot Camp with my husband over the last several years. I must say it gets even more fun and is more effective each time I do it. I went into this one much more sure of what I was doing and more confident in myself and so I was tougher and stricter then the last time. I made him serve me hand and foot for 4 days straight!
One of the great things about the Boot Camp approach is that I go into it with the mindset that it is mostly fantasy. This makes it easy for me to step into a strict and demanding role and take things to a more extreme level than usual. The fantasy role play was something that helped me get comfortable with being dominant when I was first learning the ropes of WLM. Domination did not come naturally for me. At first it was weird but each time we did fantasy play, it became less weird and more fun. It did not take long for some of the fantasy to transition into our reality. Fast forward 20+ years later and fantasy play still helps me become a better dominant wife. For women starting out in a WLM/FLR whom dominance does not come naturally, I recommend experimenting with fantasy and role playing on a regular basis to build your confidence and get comfortable with dominance. For those in a mature WLM/FLR, fantasy play is a great way to spice things up and reinvigorate the exciting power dynamic.
Since I was more at ease going into this Boor Camp, I noticed more things. I noticed how easily aroused Thomas was at the littlest signs of authority from me. He really is wrapped around my finger! I noticed how he enjoyed and looked forward to the ritual of me putting on and taking off his collar and cuffs each time he left or came into the house. I also came to the realization that I can be harder and stricter with Thomas and it's not going to break him. In fact it does the opposite. He thrives in my dominance. Finally I realized how much fun it was having him at my beck and call every day, completely focused on me. All these discoveries were learning experiences for me that have already resulted in changes in how I am leading the WLM.
As with the last Boot Camp, new rules and expectations were set for Thomas coming out of this Boot Camp. I let him know that much of what went on during Boot Camp, was a glimpse into what his life will be like once the kids are out of the house, which is less than 2 years way. He was both excited and nervous at the thought. I told him that I've been too easy on him and that going forward, I was going to hold him to a higher standard and be more strict. For example, one new expectations that I set was that the dishes and kitchen needed to be cleaned immediately after dinner and not when he felt like it. He agreed that I was being a little easy on him and seemed to be excited that I was going to run a tighter ship with him going forward.
During camp, Thomas wore a butt plug whenever we went out. I had not broke out the butt plug in a very long time. I forgot how submissive and weak he becomes when he is wearing a plug. It has a profound effect on him that I like and so I decided that the plug will be used on a frequent basis going forward. Since we've been back he's worn it at least once a week. I think he looks forward to being ordered to insert it prior to doing a task or errand for me.
So far I've stuck to my word, and have been more strict with him and have held him to a higher standard. Let's just say that he has been sent to the corner more than usual as he learns to adjust to the higher standards. It has been great for me. He is doing more things for me and the house is much cleaner and I am loving it. Thomas is also enjoying the tighter control. I've known for many years that submissive men crave and enjoy the strictness and tight control but it still seems crazy to me and it is wild to to see it in action. I feel like this last Boot Camp elevated our WLM to a different level.
To my fellow Goddesses, I recommend you give it a try. Use the links above to see my posts on what I did for Boot Camp and use that as your guide. Create your own Boot Camp based on what appeals to you and what goals you want to accomplish during the Boot Camp. Don't be afraid to go outside your comfort zone. It will be a great experience for both your husband and you.
-Mz Kaylee
Thank you Mz Kaylee for this wonderful post, just a joy to read
ReplyDeletelove Tiptease
:)
DeleteWhen you said this is a glimpse into your future when the kids are gone makes me think of something I was told a few weeks ago. We are snowbirds and my wife told me " I think I will use our time down South this Winter to cement our Wife Led Marriage". Now I don't know what she meant by that, but you can imagine what has been going through my head since. I think one things that has the most profound effect on me is when reality actually exceeds my fantasy. When she goes even further that my imagination has taken me. I am sure Thomas experienced that during boot camp. Take care-Alan
ReplyDeleteI like that your wife planted the seed with you in advance. I do that often with Thomas. Just like you inferred, it make his mind go wild with fantasies. The snowbird time is a great opportunity to have fun and push limits. A brilliant move by your wife! Let us know how it goes.
DeleteI know that when I have the freedom to decide when I will do certain chores that I tend to procrastinate until the mess is bigger than I am comfortable with. I would greatly appreciate being held to a higher standard on a consistent basis. I can see how periodic boot camps can help you to build your confidence and allow you to practice the authority and discipline that your husband craves. I love how "playing" with "fantasy" helps you build the Femdom dynamic in your everyday life, transforming fantasy into reality.
ReplyDeleteVery sexy and dominant scenarios, Mz Kaylee. Makes me want to kneel at your feet, obey your every command and serve your every desire.
ReplyDeleteA man should be a good cook and housekeeper. After he comes home from work he can pamper and serve his beautiful Queen.
ReplyDeleteWe actually just tried this last week. Again, we are only a couple months into our journey but we did a one night try of this. It was our first night without kids since we started our WLM and COVID. My queen is still very timid and nervous with some things so it was very relaxed. I wore a collar, knelt by the bed while she drank wine ordered takeout and would requests certain items (water with fresh.lemon). It was exciting for me simply to be walking around naked. I have been in chastity since Apr. 5 and It felt amazing to be her slave for the night. I massaged her when I wasn't doing a task or order for her. We enjoyed amazing sex and I was allowed release.
ReplyDeleteRic, My wife decided that I was much more submissive and easier to handle wearing a cage 24/7. We are only 4 weeks into this now and I am climbing the walls. I have gone much longer on the honor system, but the cage makes it so much more frustrating. Is there anything I can do to make this less intense? I have been told this is how it is going to be from now on and my wife rarely backs down when she decides something. She is right, I feel like a whipped puppy willing to do anything just to be allowed a release. Take care.- Alan
DeleteRic - that sounds like an amazing night. Being required to serve your Queen while naked is a wonderful way to stir up those submissive feelings. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteAlan - good luck with the chastity. Let your wife know that you are climbing the walls. She will probably enjoy hearing that and relish in it. IF you are lucky, she may give you some reprieve.
So I have to admit we are only a couple months in and I always remind her I am in my thirties so she is very nice about letting me release often enough. The cage itself i actually enjoy the thrill of it. The longest I have gone is only 7 days no release. 4 weeks, I honestly couldn't imagine going that long.
DeleteSeveral months ago she told me the cage would be a permeant fixture. I pleaded with her and was overruled. In that time she had me wear it more and more often. We were at the lake house about a month ago and I got snippy and she told me "go put on your cage and stand in the corner". I admitted that I had not brought it with me as we were having company that weekend. She sat me down and explained that this was going to be part of my life soon and I would need to get used to wearing it around other people. I needed to go back near our house for some business the next day, so I swung by and put it on. Except for supervised cleaning and shaving( I haven't been allowed pubic hair for years) it has been it place. I have slowly made peace with the fact that this is my life now. I am sure after a bit my release schedule will go back to normal. Think she is just giving me a warning of how bad it can be up front. We never had a cage when I was in my thirties, but I would imagine it would be very intense. Thanks for answering me- Alan
DeleteI know I've written this before but ever since working from home in March I feel like every day, at least in the first few months, was "boot camp" as my wife decided to turn over ALL of the chores to me, as well as request that I start sleeping in another room at night, and most recently use weekends to clean/do yard work for some of her friends. But after several months of adjustment I've learned to meet her sometimes impossible standards and "boot camp" has just become everyday life to me now. So at this point I'm not sure what another level could even entail.
ReplyDeleteTim - What makes the WLM journey exciting is when you continue to be challenged and continue to grow in your servitude towards your wife. Thank you for sharing your experience with this. There most definitely is a new level out there and when your wife and you discover it, it will be exciting but that's in the future. Don't worry about that now. Just enjoy what is happening now!
ReplyDeleteThank you all for the wonderful comments. I appreciate everyone's participation.
ReplyDeleteMz Kaylee. I have always enjoyed your “Boot camp “ posts and envied your husband at the same time. These seem to be weekend fantasy events on overload that I am sure have a huge effect on your relationship. It may seem like fun and games to some women but the experience and memories have a way of re-setting the submissive point of view as well as his wife’s position in the relationship.
ReplyDeleteI recently angered my wife with a comment I made in a group setting. There was no intent in my words but I could tell on the drive home that I was in trouble. Needless to say, we are spending a few awkward days in silence and it is unclear when this will be resolved. Unlike “ boot camp “ this is not planned and involves real emotion. I believe it is moments like this that define a WLM and give purpose to the whole concept. By the time we arrived home , I was angry as well and certainly not in a submissive frame of mind . I would have preferred that my wife address the issue directly rather than the age old silent treatment . I would like to hear comments from you and the group about resolving real conflicts in a WLM. I had no desire in the moment to submit to her authority but given my commitment to my submission and the relationship I am sure that I would have complied. Are these growth opportunities or moments or very real emotions that should be addressed in a traditional manner? Am I alone in my opinion ?
Regards,
John Dalton
This isn't much help for you John. But in my WLM, the silent treatment only lasts until we get home. I am marched over to a wooden chair, told to sit down, and then I get a severe lecture. During these lectures I say nothing, and can only nod my head yes, and no to questions like "have I made myself clear"!!
DeleteAfter this I am taken upstairs to the bedroom, with her leading the way with a firm grip on my left ear. After this my clothes leave my body, I am bent over the end of the bed, and a 22 inch long oak paddle, a thick leather belt, and some hairbrushes reinforce my wife's message. These are not silent, and neither am I as by butt gets turned purple, and blue. This IS how she (not we) deal with real conflict in our marriage. It's not a fun Boot Camp weekend, but it keeps me in line. Incidentally I made the paddle, and had to buy the brushes, and belt. It's also my responsibility to keep the belt oiled.
I have to agree with Edward here. The silent treatment has been replaced with punishments. We don't practice corporal punishment at this time, but my behavior is the reason I am now a chastity husband. For the last several months she has been employing the cage more often and for longer periods. All in getting me prepared for full time wear. A small incident about a month ago set the whole thing in motion. This does put your submission on a whole other level. My frustration level is through the roof. When I told her this she said she knew. but she was seeing dramatic changes in my behavior and service, so I should probably get used to it. Take care-Alan.
DeleteUpon reading your comment twice John it seems like you haven't reached the point of fully understanding that in a FLR she is the head of the household, and the husbands's role is to always be subservient, and submissive even when he doesn't like it; within the framework of their relationship rules of course. The three day silent treatment tends to increase tension, and resentment. You stated not being in a submissive frame of mind, with no desire to her authority. This increases your wife's stress of trying to fulfill her role as the authority of the relationship. One thing that works for us is, periodically my husband will only be permitted to respond with the reply "Yes Maam", for an entire weekend when I ask a question, or give an order. Absolutely no other words are to be spoken by him at those times. If you need help learning true submissiveness, maybe discuss further, more effective punishments like the ones utilized in the comments above, but both people in a WFL need to play their roles. It would seem Edward's wife know's her's VERY well, and he is doing his part by sitting down, shutting up, and listening without even being told to. That is a sign of a well structured WLM. Again, learn to say "Yes Maam" frequently, it will do wonders for your relationship, and you. I wish you both success in this.
Delete(Rachel)
Hummmm...... thank you for your comments Rachel . What I was really trying to express was was not necessarily an actual challenge to her authority but rather the application of submission and female authority in real life events as opposed to fantasy play like Mz Kaylee described in her “ Boot camp” post . One is a planned event with fantasy play while the other is raw with actual emotion and conflict. I believe these are moments of submission and dominance that define the depth of the WLM . I only made the point of my anger to express my emotional state and establish that this was not a time of fantasy but rather stark reality that all couples face. I can assure you that I would have gladly submitted to her in the moment and faced whatever consequences she chose rather than face the dreaded silence that you so correctly described . I appreciate your methods with your husband and agree that both partners need to play their roles. Unfortunately , sometimes it is difficult for a wife in a WLM to apply her authority in real life situations . I can see that your not timid in your approach and I am quite sure it has been years since you applied the silent treatment ! Thank you again for your response.
DeleteTake care
John Dalton
John, yes punishment and submitting to punishment is really the only answer. My queen uses a riding crop I bought (horrible idea, should have made a paddle) she also knows I want it on my butt so she hits my sides instead and it hurts bad. However I have been acting much better and definitely listen a lot better these days.
ReplyDeleteThank you Rachel for adding the female perspective and I love the yes ma'am concept! John – there is a learning experience in this for you. To build upon Rachel's comment, the most humbling thing you can do as her submissive husband is to apologize without further discussion. In a WLM, the husband yields to the wife, always. Your intent of the comment does not matter. What matters is that it upset her so apologize and move on. If she wanted to understand more about your intent she would ask. If she does not ask, no further discussion is needed. If you accepted that you upset her, even though you did not intend to, and you made a simple apology such as “I am sorry, I did not mean to upset you. What can I do to make things better,” then you would help diffuse the situation. Perhaps if you responded that way, the silent treatment would have never occurred. Instead of being angry, you should be focused on what you can do to please her and on not repeating the beahavior that made her angry.
ReplyDeleteMz Kaylee , I sincerely appreciate your advise and response as well as Rachel’s . I can assure you these words will resonate in my head the next time we encounter a similar situation. It is always a treat to have comments from a Woman and incredible to have two Women post on the same subject. Thank you both for taking the time to address my failings. However, given yours and Rachel’s maturity in this lifestyle ,would the elusive silence treatment have been your method of response especially if no apology had been forthcoming? I understand that as a submissive it is very important that I remain in a submissive posture even in real life issues but Isn’t it just as important for the wife to take a dominant position in the resolution of a real conflict?
ReplyDeleteI apologize in advance if it appears that I am looking for argument . I respect you and the work you do on this blog greatly . It is a true platform for learning ! I am sincerely trying to form a discussion on the subject of real conflict resolution in a WLM.
Take care
John Dalton
John, I think as your WLM matures you will both be quicker to resolve issues. One of the great things about this dynamic is arguments and issues don't linger for days. In my marriage an apology is given or demanded almost in the moment. Punishment is doled out and we move on. Even going into my twelfth year I make mistakes, forget things, or say the wrong thing. I see your point, but I do think it's more your responsibility to step up rather than wait for her to show her dominance. Only my opinion-Alan
ReplyDeleteHello Alan.
ReplyDeleteExcellent comments . I agree completely with your response. Thank you . I really wanted to know how other WLM couples handle real life issues . Your comment “ an apology is given or demanded almost in the moment” shows the balance my relationship lacks .I believe the success of a WLM requires equal commitment . Submission cannot exist without an answer of dominance or the reverse . I hope one day to find the the balance you and your wife have achieved.
Take care
John Dalton
John. thank you for the compliment, but we didn't get to this point over night. There were many awkward moments just like yours along the way. This is a journey of waiting for your wife to catchup to each step along the way. I think they worry about damaging their relationship or marriage more than we do. They are tentative about going to the next level. Until one day they are not and the whole thing is taken out of your hands and you end up at her mercy. Your doing it right, doing the research and asking questions. We learned a lot about this lifestyle right here from Mz Kaylee. Half the progress we have made has happened in the last year. After ten years of small changes, it came together in a tidal wave. Keep the faith- Alan
ReplyDeleteThank you Alan . We have been at this for about five years now. The progress is slow. We seem to move forward for a while and then she falls back with a complete rejection of the lifestyle . We usually live out of the WLM concept for a few months but find our way back at some point . The start up Is wonderful for both of us but it only last for a few months . Your comments give me hope .
DeleteTake care
John Dalton
John - To answer your more specific question, the silent treatment is a good punishment for submissiveness but only after there has been reconciliation of the issue. One of the downfalls in many traditional marriages is that the couple or one person in the relationship does not directly deal with an issue or talk through it. This results in a build up of anger and resentment overtime which usually leads to a breakdown in communication, the couple avoiding each other, and ultimately a big argument or a large rift between the couple. The silent treatment likely occurs because one person is uncomfortable with conflict and trying to avoid it, which really just makes thing worse.
ReplyDeleteThe advantage of a WLM is that the husband accepts that the wife is the authority and final say on all things. The wife is empowered to deal with an issue directly with her husband, punish him if appropriate. After the punishment both husband and wife put the issue behind them and move on. However, this does not work if the husband does not respect her power and becomes argumentative with her. As I alluded to in my previous comment,if your wife became upset at something you did, instead of trying to justify your actions, you need to apologize and evaluate what you can do to not upset her in the same way again. An analogy that may help with this concept is a car accident. No one intends to get into a car accident, but when it happens the damage is done. You can try to explain all you want, why you didn't mean to get in the accident but it really does not matter to anyone because you can't change the fact that damage has occurred. At this point, you just have to accept that an accident occurred and deal with the consequences.
Your goal as a submissive husband should be to not argue and not end up in situations that result in punishment. However, even in the best WLMs, disagreements and punishments will happen from time-to-time. How the wife and husband deals with them is what makes the difference.
Mz Kaylee , you are a master of words. Thank you ! My anger or frustration does not come from the event but rather the empathy and disregard for the principals of the WLM in the event. I am naturally submissive and long for each morsel of correction. I was not even certain what I had said or done but when I tried to engage her all I got was coldness that finally faded after a few days . I believe the value of a WLM lies in the clear understanding and respect for her position of authority . A simple verbal correction would have been answered with an apology as well as submission to her choice of punishment . This was really a non-event given the principles of a WLM that should have been solved in the moment . I only hope that other women can learn from this post . Your lengthy explanation covered it perfectly .
ReplyDeleteTake care
John Dalton
Your wife may not have handled the situation the best way (To be fair - I can not judge one way or the other since I am only hearing your side of the story) but have understanding and patience with your wife. Frustration is ok but avoid anger. Being the leader is not easy and not always intuitive when it comes to FLR. You seem to have a very specific vision as to what submission is. The more you lock in on that specific vision the greater probability your WLM will fail. It is ok to vision that but understand that your vision may not be her vision or what she wants. While you long for correction, most wive's, including me, do not enjoy having to correct their husband. I see so many guys fall into the trap of trying to mold their wife into what they view as the perfect dominant wife. I can tell you, it is rare that that will ever happen. I did a survey awhile back and there were clearly differences between what men desired and what women desired in a WLM. You have to accept that your ideal state may not happen but strive for a balance where you will both be happy. Also, are you really submitting if you are so focused on what you want and not what makes her happy? Gentle nudges here and there are fine but so many guys forget to stop and enjoy the dominance that they are experiencing. Instead of thanking their wife and showing appreciating for the incremental steps she is taking, they constantly want more from her. Showing appreciation is encouraging. Wanting more is de-motivating. It took many small incremental steps over many, many years and a lot of patience from my husband for me to get to where I am today.
DeleteI know it's hard and can be frustrating but hang in there and savor the small "Wins."
Mz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. As I only started following your blog this year, I reviewed some past posts but hadn't read the ones you linked to.
For me, this sounds like the Wife GIVING the husband some fantasy, which is a great gift to the husband. And I think once you do something, even in a fantasy context, it's easier to get it established in real life.
We don't have this in our vanilla WLM, but a couple months ago i had the chance to ask if i could kiss my Queen's feet in submission. She said yes as it was in an intimate context. But from there it has been easier to demonstrate my submission in that way, and it does seem to have a permanent effect in both my Queen as a reaffirmation of Her leadership and me as a submissive. I imagine the boot camp also leaves some images that cement the WLR in real life.
Khorina - why do you label your WLM as a"Vanilla" WLM?
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