Mike was kind enough to share a post on his perspective on the paradigm shift. Much of what he writes is consistent with what is experienced in our WLM. I can also relate to how his wife was initially concerned about denying orgasm but now it is barely a thought :). My husband mentioned the other week that he could not remember the last time he had an orgasm but he knew it was more than 3 months. I hadn't even realized it. lol! It just seems normal to tease him without allowing an orgasm and for him to not orgasm during sex. Enjoy Mike's post. -Mz Kaylee
I thought a few things could be said about the paradigm shift from the hub's perspective regarding sex. Not to make it all about sex, but who doesn't like talking about sex :). Many have mentioned similar experiences as it's part of the journey and shift. I think a few could relate
Pre WLM, in our traditional marriage, we would have sex when I wanted. I would receive oral a good amount of the time and I would initiate these times whenever I was in the mood and horny. I suppose you could say I was in control. I would have an orgasm each and every time. I rarely would give my wife oral and I know at times we had sex when she felt obligated and not in the mood. The sex life was decently good. My mindset was typically such as, if enough time went by, I was horny again and needed sex. Or I would masturbate to get a release. Looking back, I actually feel a little bad my behavior appeared selfish and deplorable.
The paradigm shift occurred when we established our WLM, which like many, didn't evolve over night. My wife took control of our sex life decisions, my orgasms, and other aspects of the marriage.
Today, I don't get a release unless given permission or have sex unless she requests it. I never receive oral and I give her oral very often. Everything has changed completely, for the better.
This paradigm shift, in hindsight, looks difficult to comprehend with the transition made. I'm aroused by small things she does, horny everyday, and yet I don't get a relief. I have no control and have become a servant to her needs and pleasure.
What's fascinating now is that I don't constantly seek the next sexual encounter. I'm not counting days with anxiety until I have an orgasm. I actually may pass if had the opportunity to have one. Like mz Kaylee said, the mind fuck is our daily sex. Physical sex is just another route, privilege, or bonus that happens.
What's odd is that my cock seems like it has its own mind than what I desire. My cock gets hard, has erections, and enjoys stimulation. A hard cock looks for relief and a release, to cum. That's usually the end game of why it's erect. However, I've been trained and disciplined to follow the opposite behavior. No relief will be given, ignore the erections, and I know no orgasm will be rewarded. It's like two minds are watching and battling each other.
In our beginning of the WLM, my wife felt bad or concerned leaving me hard after sex or oral. I was supportive and encouraging. And now, it's not even an after thought for her. A few days ago, I asked if she had any plans for a full orgasm for me anytime. She said she really had not thought about it much. And she's said this before. She felt the ruined orgasms were sufficient for me. I smiled and agreed. She has found her balance she enjoys.
She also wondered if I enjoyed sex in our beginning WLM. That also is no longer an after thought. When she wants oral, she simply requests it at her convenience, and I stay dressed, to give it, unless permitted otherwise. She understands she can have her orgasms whenever she pleases as conveniently as she wishes. It isn't ceremonious, or ritualistic. Just direct spontaneous instructions.
When she wants intercourse, I'm expected to be hard, without any touching or foreplay by her. She no longer finds the need or desire to be fully nude. As we fuck, all my attention is on her to serve. I listen and obey instructions for positions and speed. It's no longer for my personal enjoyment but to ensure she gets as many intense orgasms as she desires.
Oddly enough with the paradigm shift, I prefer to give her oral even with how often and how hard I have erections. Almost makes me wonder why I still get them. She no longer touches my cock, or receive oral, or regularly have orgasms. Sex isn't a chore but it is a responsibility and a privilege. I'm to perform and the purpose is for her benefit. I play a role as a tool to be used in a loving way.
Again, it's strange looking back at the progress and transition but it has been amazing and incredible.
-Mike
That's very nicely said Mike, and very accurate. Especially this
ReplyDelete" Sex isn't a chore but it is a responsibility and a privilege. I'm to perform and the purpose is for her benefit."
I too often will prefer being kept denied rather being allowed an orgasm. In the beginning of our own WLM, my Mistress Wife was settling in to her leadership role, she would often allow orgasms because she would feel bad that I hadn't had on in a while (a few days). Now ... I often beg her to be denied as I have been conditioned to prefer the constant state of arousal that exists after we have sex, she has her orgasms and I am left hard, super horney yet very contented to able to able to hold her as she drifts off to sleep.
Here's another important truth you said: " ... it's strange looking back at the progress and transition but it has been amazing and incredible." Incredible is absolutely accurate!
Hi sub hub
ReplyDeleteYes indeed, similar experience with the beginning phase. There's quite of a self discovery in her own right when she felt comfortable denying me. I suppose from her perspective, it's also odd and strange to leave the husband hard and why he'd ask for it.
And now she would not have any other way.
Hi Mike. Yup ... we both had to evolve in our respective roles for the benefits of it to begin to shine bright. And its not just during sex ... Mistress K. also had to self-discover that is was ok with for her to decide what she wants (chores, vanilla stuff AND sex) without trying to pre-consider what I would want ... AND that doing so was appealing to me and in and of itself was arousing to me, and not the other way around.
DeleteIt's a good life we lead my friend and getting better. Seems the same is true for you.
Hi sub hub
DeleteI agree. There was a transition to where she felt more comfortable to be in charge. But not too feel like a dictator. She still likes doing things herself.
She definitely likes knowing she's in charge at the end of the day though
Mike, a lot of your experiences mirror mine. We don't realize how much our wives were doing things out of obligation until they start making the decisions. Once my wife was in charge of our sex life she pointed at a very erect penis and said "you will never put that in my mouth again". That was ten years ago. She also doesn't touch me below the waist. The first time she told me not to bother getting undressed was also a pivotal moment. An other thing Ms Kaylee said about not even realizing how long it had been since her husband had an orgasm is also familiar to me. Sarah has made the progression from feeling bad about me not coming, to not caring if I didn't, to now actually enjoying denying me. Some times I will come up behind her and kiss her on the neck and whisper that I am horny and her response is "good". It is really odd, but we seem to thrive under these conditions. I can usually count the number of orgasms I get in a year on one hand and I still can't stop wanting this lifestyle. Great post, Mike-Alan
ReplyDeleteAlan, don't you need that attention below the waist in some manner, even if it is infrequent. Mistress K. and I went through a rough patch early on in our WLM when She did (or failed to do) similar things with me. I frankly lost interest because there was nothing to look forward to. We talked it trough and now we have a saying for it. "It's tease and deny NOT ignore and deny". That was an enormous turning point for the better in our WLM for both of us, but especially for her because she was getting frustrated with the waning of my attentiveness and desire for her, which in turn made her wonder "what's the use?"
DeleteYou're absolutely spot on Alan
ReplyDeleteI don't think she cares at all or not if I have an orgasm. If it's given, it's most likely due because she remembered a certain amount of time has gone by.
It's crazy that the discovery is now that it really has no impact to her if I get a release or not. If anything, she prefers I do not.
How do you grasp that concept?
She's grown much more confident and accustomed to this perspective.
Mike, in my case it is very calculated. I have a "Days Since" app on my computer which she looks at on occasion. I think to tease me a bit she will leave it open, so I know she has seen it. She knows exactly how long it's been, so the wait time is on purpose. Much like your situation. It's just not important to her that I come or even am allowed out of my cage anymore. 24/7 cage wear has really taken her control to a whole other level. I am a whipped puppy at this point. As Ms FiFi says below I was an inconsiderate male and I am now paying the price. Ms FiFi it's not to consider myself considerate so much as that I am considerate, my wife demands it. Stay Safe- Alan
DeleteI don't know guys, I have a different take. I love my Wife, I love my Dominant Wife and I wouldn't want it any other way. I don't know if I'd feel the same way if Mistress K. didn't care about my arousal and state of desire. If the source of her pleasure and joy came from feeling like she didn't have to do those things anymore (like taking me in her mouth, teasing me below the waist, edging, teasing and denying, etc.), then i probably would feel like the growing distance between us was the reason for her so-called happiness, and not the benefits of of a better relationship that comes from a loving, attentive, adoring, worshipping husband. This coming from a happy submissive husband that has a full orgasm maybe 2-3 times a year, and a ruined orgasm maybe 5-7 times a year.
DeleteThere came a realization years ago that the concept of 'earning an orgasm' was not a worthy goal, and instead HER overall pleasure in life, sexual and otherwise, that she derived from me was THE goal, I was able to replace the few seconds of unmitigated bliss (orgasm) with the constant state of arousal and desire that comes with denial as the primary source of my sexual pleasure. Her orgasms became my orgasms in other words. Even though cumming for me is rare, our sex life has never, ever been better andm ore fulfilling.
Hey there sub hub, Alan
DeleteThat part about touching below the waist is another strange concept to grasp. She never does with me anymore. However, I'm definitely aroused other ways by what she wears, does, and says. That's goes into a bit from about the mind fuck idea mz Kaylee discussed previously.
She does like seeing me aroused and horny, but the days of bjs and hjs are gone.
Yes I agree, her orgasms have become mine and such I'm sexually fulfilled.
I'm about the same with 4 full orgasms and once a month ruined is what she seems to tolerate.
Sub hub, don't get me wrong this is not exactly how I want it. My fantasy runs more like what you have. This is just the way it has played out in my case. We do have some light teasing sessions. What she calls "cuddle time". I spoon her. kiss her neck and back, caress her front, sometimes she lets me get her off with my hand, but the cage always stays on for these sessions. Great blog you have by the way-Alan.
DeleteThanks so much for the kind words Alan. It means a lot.
DeleteThat's great for you both sub hub and Alan. We kiss at times but it's never during sex. And some cuddling watching a movie on the couch at times happens.
DeleteSex with her is usually spontaneous or like checking a box off a to do list for her. Straight to the point and assertive.
All these excuses for simply being inconsiderate males. Now it take an entire orchestration of do's and don'ts and apparatus to consider yourselves considerate. Yikes!!!!
ReplyDeleteUmmm, excuses? What exactly are you talking about fifi? I think the things discussed here and other pages of this blog are talking points and information for males that are anything but inconsiderate? I hope you'll elaborate. Don't you think its a good thing a growing number of men want to live in better relationships with their women, and actively seek a path for it?
DeleteWell, if better means examining relationships through the penis this post is sadly accurate. Being considerate to a partner should not require negotiations or controlling chastity devices. The root to any relationship starts with caring consideration for one another. If a couple wants to add spice into their "sex" life called it what it is, fun behind closed doors. If a woman is required to coral pleasure for reasons of fairness, well, then someone is missing a piece of humanity. The word, selfish, comes to mind.
DeleteHave a pleasant day, fifi
fifi, I'm not sure ... but are you mad at some males for something you may consider all males to be .... inconsiderate? Are you trying to fight a bigger fight than just with the few of us that are commenting?
DeleteI'm not sure that it is true that the "root" to any relationship starts with caring consideration, but I absolutely do agree that that it essential any relationship to continue and grow. Considerate is as considerate does fifi, and how that gets defined is unique and private between that couple.
Hi fifi
DeleteHow do you measure the degree of being considerate?
Can't many forms of relationships occur while being caring?
I hope I understood your perspective. If not please clarify.
Thanks
Deletefifi, thank you for your comment. Caring consideration for each other is important but it is only one piece of the relationship. The sexual aspect is very important too. Many marriages fail because the wife neglects the sexual needs of their partner. I see it much different than what you describe. Men are wired as highly sexual creatures. Women who understand that can use that sexual energy to make men both happy and productive. What is described in this post is more than just spice and fun. It is a lifestyle change.
Yes Ma'am Mz. Kaylee, and thank you for your Blog.
DeleteIf consideration is removed from any "one piece of the relationship" how can that one piece be a healthy piece.
"Many marriages fail because the wife neglects the sexual needs of their partner." Was this a typo or is a woman's place actually in the bedroom to satisfy her man. How strong of a relationship is it if the cornerstone holding the whole show up is the squirt of a penis. If it was a typo reverse the parties involved.
"Men are wired as highly sexual creatures" Both men and woman are highly sexual creatures. The "PILL" was invented for women. At the risk of being to bold, don't women sometimes go to the toy under the mattress when the family is at work and in school.
"use that sexual energy to make men both happy and productive." Really, men can't be happy or productive or both if there penis isn't under control, or worse catered too. Its a good thing Isaac Newton didn't think this way. I know we are all not a Newton and who can really prove the tale, but, you get the point.
What is described in this post is more than just spice and fun. It is a lifestyle change.... I understand this completely. Sounds like a correction spanking is long over due for men whining about their pleasures. In Jamaica many woman have a saying and or practice to deal with such behavior. They tell their men, "Shop Closed". Come back when you grow up, get it done, or find respect.
I'm not trying to sound rude or argumentative Mz Kaylee; not to you or any one else here. I just don't understand the ministrations thought to be required for some, obviously, well needed human consideration. If a ladies date is late once, well, ok this time. If a lady's date is late again and again wouldn't the lack of consideration be a concern. How does the "degree" of consideration, as Mike asked, even come to mind. That is like holding water in you hand; you either are or you are not. YIKES.
From afar and in a certain kind of variation of the word I "love" you all. With respect and a curtsy, fifi
Hello fifi,
DeleteI believe there comes a point at which the correct determination falls under the category of "it works for us".
In my beautiful WLM marriage, there is zero consideration given for many things when it comes to what I may want, or even what I think I may lead. Ironically, this lack of consideration of freedom and choice on my part, in and of itself is something that I genuinely feel is the ultimate consideration given to be by my Mistress Wife ... because it is what I crave and was the very reason why I asked Her to accept my submission in our marriage years ago.
I agree almost entirely with Mz. Kaylee when she says that "Men are wired as highly sexual creatures" in the context of a loving WLM, and as such it is the primary source for which BOTH parties in a loving WLM find immense joy and pleasure. Moreover, it is also the primary source for continued growth and the deepening of the love between a Mistress Wife and her submissive husband.
At least in our loving WLM marriage, it works for us.
Hi fifi
DeleteI'm still trying to understand what you're ideal overall marriage dynamic would look like.
I was not complaining by any means with my post. I don't think many submissive men that have commented or in general, complain about their wives being in control.
I think that is where the perspective and understanding of what is being called "considerate". The dominant wife will still listen and communicate with hubs, but she has final say and power of what occurs in the relationship.
A vanilla/traditional marriage absolutely can also have a happy couple. The flr/wlm doesn't necessarily mean that the female no longer considers the needs, thoughts, emotions of her partner.
I would argue that men think about sex more often than women. Not to say it's a competition or more important but some men do behave better or desire being denied. That doesn't implied wives should have less sex or not be considerate. Again, this goes back to the dynamic of control between dom/sub roles that each prefer.
Please do share thoughts.
Thanks!
There is a lot more to male submission than orgasm denial. Some men like to be almost permanently denied orgasms. I like the shared intimacy and pleasure of having an orgasm fairly regularly. I wish this blog would focus more on why men should submit to women and how best to serve and please them.
ReplyDeleteI believe this blog does an excellent job at that. The comments? Maybe not as much.
DeleteYes Frank, there is more to male submission than orgasm control. Orgasm control is typically a huge motivating factor.
DeleteI don't think most receive orgasms regularly as to mentioned.
I guess I need to apologized for not being clear, but at the same I think people are digging for something that is not there. I was never attacking your beautiful lives or WLM relationships. I have served women for a few years because I believe women are special. I hope to serve a woman or women again in the near future. I also have been required to be chaste for periods up to two months in and out of chastity devises. If you think being chaste in a chastity device is hard give it your best try out of a device for a few months. It can be excruciating. So with that said I will go back to my original thought. I think it is a shame if a man needs an arrangement or and apparatus to ensure that his female partner is sexual satisficed. Or needs a devise to help around the house. I know guys are out there that say wham, bam, now get me a ham sandwich and these guys are idiots. I know there are guys who just don't perform well or are not very well endowed (size does matter) but they should still put all the effort needed to make sure there female partner is satisfied without a business deal. I recognized my submissive nature long before my first date. I also have lived by a personal rule. She gets three orgasms before I get one. Three to one. Sometimes plans go early or she has different plans but believe me, I considerate this a debt to her. And do you know what? I have never been denied a follow up experience, go figure. But here is the real meaning of all of this and the reason, I suppose, for my first comment. I live a considerate life to others everyday, everyone, so it just seems to be natural, a given, a no brainer that my lover, or wife, or God bless the woman who is sharing the privilege of giving some-up (forgive me MZ Kaylee) to be treated with the consideration without an arrangement. And this includes the dishes, etc...Just because she does. Just because it is considerate.
DeleteGod bless, With respect, fifi
Hi fifi
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to understand the context of your relationships.
I may be mistaken but this almost implies your providing a service to women?
You also stated that you make sure they get 3 orgasms before you get yours. That means you're in control of when you receive an orgasm?
It appears that you put an emphasis on a man " needing" a device. I believe all have said the device, if used, is directed by the female's discretion.
From my understanding, all that have commented have are currently married/ have been, to a dominant wife that sets the tone and household rules for the hubs to follow. This seems to be a different dynamic/perspective of what you have described about your relationships. I'm not sure where you received the impression one is not being considerate. Nobody is right or wrong, or more or less significant. Wife or hubs- we all have different roles with different expectations. I think that's fair to note?
Thanks
I really think there is more going on than consideration. I wasn't an inconsiderate asshole before this started. I doubt my wife would have spent thirty years building a life with me if I had been. Which is about how long we had been together before we knew what WLM was. That being said my wife wants more than consideration, she wants obedience. I certainly think you can be considerate without being submissive. you can be considerate and still disagree or have arguments. Not so in a WLM. She wants to be in total control of me, being considerate is a given and yes she achieves this by restricting access to my penis. Call me shallow, but it is such a deep seeded need in me that her just dangling the keys in front of me turns me into a pile of mush, I will absolutely agree to anything even though I know they will probably be put away without ever being used. It's how I am wired and my wife loves me being this way. Considerate, you bet and I don't think my wife cares that some of it is forced by my deep seated need to get off. Have a good day-Alan
DeleteOH brother. Forget it. The context of my relationship has nothing to do with anything I am saying. Take all of the sex and all of the BDSM, FLM, WLM, out of the conversation and just be considerate. Altruistic.
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful day. GOOD GREIF
Got it .... and then, when you put back in ".... all of the sex and all of the BDSM, FLM, WLM...", if it works you and your relationship partner than ride off into the sunset of life with a smile on your faces.
DeleteIt seems like they are ganging up on you, fifi. I agree with you. Most men don’t need to be dominated or denied orgasms and be kept in a constant state of arousal to be considerate, respectful and helpful to their partners.
ReplyDeleteI'm so confused how this dialogue diverged. Fifi, you just used your own experiences and relationship to show examples of how you're considerate. I'm bewildered where you received the impression that someone is NOT being considerate.
ReplyDeleteFrank
Again, I agree. EVERY ONE can be considerate. 10yr olds, your cousin, the guy that cuts my lawn.
Being considerate has nothing to do with sex. Again, I see no place where anyone was being inconsiderate.
However Frank,
If you're having an orgasm everyday, it appears to be difficult that you're in a constant state of arousal.
Well Mike, if you need to be denied orgasms to feel satisfied in your marriage that is fine, but most men don’t.
DeleteThat very well be true Frank. Yet here we are commenting on a Femdom, wife led marriage blog.
ReplyDeleteWould you also say that dominant women in a marriage over a hubs is not good?
Feel free to contribute to the blog constructively.
Not at all Mike, but where is it written that a man can’t enjoy regular orgasms with his partner in a FLR or WLM. Last time I checked, this wasn’t your blog.
ReplyDeleteFrank,I think that is where everyone separates ideology regarding orgasms and wlm. At least with mz Kaylee, this blog, and the others that have commented...all support no regularly scheduled orgasms. At least that is what I remember reading.
DeleteAt least from this blog, and the given concepts of any wlm/flr, orgasms are not determined by men but are controlled by the female with no set time for orgasm.
Female controlling orgasms and men being denied is a major, common factor in wlms/flrs. I thought that was understood.
But if you wish it to be your way, I hope all the best for you. It's not right or wrong. Let's all be happy.
I prefer the terms Orgasm Control or Orgasm Management. The wife determines when the husband can orgasm. She can give permission to orgasm every time, but she decides when. Those commenting on this blog lean toward long-term denial but that is not reflective of every WLM relationship. We've beaten the concept of long-term denial and no orgasms to death so Frank or others it would be refreshing to hear ideas from you on how you would like it to work.
DeleteI agree with Mike and Mz Kaylee that sex is a great motivator for men. No question there. I'm saying that orgasm denial doesn't have to be for months or even permanent. As I said before denial can last a week, two weeks or a month and I will still be strongly motivated to obey and serve my partner. Any longer than a month and I would become resentful. It would be demotivating for me. Every man is different and I understand some men like very long periods of denial.
DeleteBoys, boys.....let’s please take the emotions and accusations out of the conversation. It’s ok to disagree but let’s keep it to a respectful discussion and not an argument. Let’s also recognize that there is a wide range of experience and knowledge about WLM among the readers and therefore what works for one couple may not be the right approach for another couple. WLM is not easy to understand so have patience when there misunderstandings. I will weigh in on the conversation. I’ve just not had time to get my thoughts together.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mz. Kaylee for swooping and restoring order.
DeleteFellas, at the end of the day, the "it works for us" should be enough for all others, even if others may not agree "it" works works for them. In other words, sometimes it's not necessary to call bull-shit on others when they are merely expressing themselves.
Agreed sub hub.
ReplyDeleteI'm not even sure how this dialogue shifted to right wrong or saying it should be better for another.
My apologies if I participated unfairly.
Well, out of the consideration of mole hills and mountains I am stepping out of the conversation. You all are correct.
ReplyDeleteMy considerate act is purely altruistic therefore I don't except and thing in return.
I hope everyone's day exceeds all of their morning wishes.
God Bless, fifi
I can confirm that what Mike says on not having anxiety counting down days to orgasm. It's huge. I'm on the extreme of permanent no-orgasm, it has opened my existence to focus on other things.
ReplyDeleteI get what fifi says. I see Femdom is still played as a sex-centered game. In general, men have lowered and become a caricature, immature people that needs to be 'managed'. Wonderful people like Mz Kaylee help us use our energies into something positive. Some days, though, it still feels like a superficial game.
We all are in our different paths and each shares a perspective. Thank you all for sharing yours here.
Excellent.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to hear more about your journey and challenges khor.
My thoughts on the discussion is that WLM, chastity, orgasm denial, and consideration can all co-exist together. Fifi, it seems to me that you are saying it is one extreme or the other and I disagree with that. Although you expect nothing in return, isn’t it nice when you do get something in return? Doesn’t it make you feel better? Maybe it even motivates you to be more considerate. What kind of partner am I if my husband gives and gives but I do nothing in return? A relationship is a two-way process. Part of the WLM concept is that both people work together to motivate and support each other. For men, sex is a motivator and so there is nothing wrong with a wife leveraging that. In fact I would say a woman who does that is very smart and those that don’t are missing out. If my husband was just considerate with nothing else, we would be happy. However, when you add in the mix of all the other items, the happiness and excitement rise to a new level and the bond between you grows stronger. I honestly can not name one husband that I personally know that works harder for his wife than my husband does for me. I mean he does all the chores, yard work, and obeys me without question and without complaints I highly doubt that a person can get to that level of productivity for his wife on consideration alone. You are one special and rare person if you can do that. WLM is not an easy concept to understand. The sexual aspect is an important part but WLM is so much more than that. It is about trusting each other, being vulnerable, establishing clear lines of communication and accountability, and loving each other.
ReplyDeleteAgreed.
ReplyDeleteVery well said!
"I highly doubt that a person can get to that level of productivity for his wife on consideration alone."
ReplyDeleteWOW, brings sad tears to my heart if this is true. I pray this thought is not anymore contagious than it already is. They may not live in this blogs realm but I thank God for all the men who give their all for families without recognition every moment of every day.
bye, fifi
WOW
So enlighten us fifi. Tell us what you do for your partner on a daily basis that is so considerate? Tell us about your relationship is like? Are you married, in a serious relationship or just shopping around?
ReplyDeleteSadly it seems that you may have asked that question after fifi already said "bye".
Delete“The truth is a like a lion; you don’t have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself”
- Augustine of Hippo
I'm sure I just don't get the point here. All of life is full of motivators. Would I have put in the extra effort in my career if I was left at entry level wages? I doubt if there were no promotions available I probably wouldn't have been very motivated. Would I bother to watch what I eat or exercise if early death wasn't the alternative? No. We are all motivated by something to put that little something extra in. Sad or not, I will tell you if my wife was not holding my chastity key I would not be the submissive servant to her that I am. She has found a way to motivate me to be the husband she always wanted. I think I was a caring husband and Father, but this is a whole other level. This is obedience and servitude. We both agree we have never been happier in our marriage. FiFi, if you can be the very best you can be without motivation then I applaud you. I am more apt to think that I am at a level of submission and control that you can't understand unless you have experienced it. Stay safe-Alan
ReplyDelete100% agree with Mz Kaylee. Different approaches and levels can co-exist.
ReplyDeleteDon't want to extend this thread but perhaps it is related: my Wife and i have been working to focus my motivation beyond sex. Took me some time to understand why, but I think it's a similar question to why people uses chastity. Anyway, here are some aspects of it:
- we go by the 'honor' system, no cage. It's harder in a sense, but I feel it implies more trust in me and subjects me to a higher standard.
- it has made me more 'creative' in ways to find happiness in every thing, everywhere, while in the past it was more limited to the bedroom. In a sense I feel more freedom to express anywhere.
- It has aligned our interests/hobbies much much MUCH better.
- It has united us in a way that we work on things together.
I love sex and the effect in the unity of a couple. What I've come to understand is that it does not have to be the center of everything. One example that just came to mind is that years ago I met this brilliant finance person. I'm not a creep, I was married already, but my reaction was always sex-centered: I started fantasizing about her, being nice to her, and I'd say in our interactions I'd look for the smallest opportunity to check her out. Again, never crossed the 'creep' line, we got along perfectly and became friends. Now when I meet someone I don't center on the expectation of sex feelings and still try to be the nicest, and this makes me enjoy more the regular interactions.
Again, it's just us, but wanted to share this journey with you. I love this blog and Mz Kaylee's talent to identify and dissect our motivations, in a way it has helped me understand myself better.
Khor - great progress for you. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteI think all or many sex is not the only major factor in any relationship, Or that the relationship is centered around it. But as mentioned previously, men are think about sex, attraction, lust, arousal quite a bit. That energy, that idea can be used as a tool, used as a motivating factor- in a healthy way for men in a wlm/flr. Again, it doesn't need to be centered around it but I think every wlm/flr utilizes denial or this sexual factor as a pillar/foundation for their relationship.
ReplyDeleteThat was what I was trying to understand : the dynamic fifi or others may have in a relationship that do not use that factor ( or to only be considerate)
My wife has me on the honor system too since she's not into the "kink" of an actual cage. Having not orgasmed for well over a year now I can say you do find ways to channel your energy.
ReplyDeleteThat's impressive. How's that coming along?
ReplyDeleteI go through periods where it's tough and periods where it's fine.
DeleteNo accident's?
DeleteGotta leave an email sometime
Dating my wife to be stated several times that she would be the lead if we got married. She stated males tend to act like little boys and naughty and that women can control this. I decided to see if she meant what she was stating. Rule one was never come to the kitchen in just your underwear or even naked. I did such, underpants only, I was taken by the ear, to the bedroom, told best learn from this, my underpants were soon down, over her lap and given a very sound spanking, such that I kicked off my underpants. I was told to put on my pajamas, back to the kitchen, faced the wall and she pulled down the bottoms. From that day on, she has taken the lead. Our honeymoon, a nice cabin in the woods, the next to the last night, I was soundly spanked, told to remember this spanking. The drive home, she drove, I was squirming too much. I accept the spankings, I find relief, and we have a strong marriage.
ReplyDeleteLovely!
DeleteMy bottom has been redder at times, it is the stinging, the very warm feeling, and not being able to rub.
Delete