The good devoted slave is one who does was he is supposed to do when his Goddess Wife is not looking, one who corrects her mistakes without letting her know, and one who actively seeks ways to please her without being told.
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This message is a clear instance of how female expectations for power exchange are very different from male expectations. From a dominant male perspective, the idea of actively training or correcting a submissive female is a large part of the appeal. A relationship where the submissive partner is being mostly ignored while doing routine work seems like a failure. Standard male fantasies revolve around "breaking in" a new slave who isn't particularly good at working or requires lots of active correction. A female submissive who is actually good at doing her job is much less interesting. This is, I think, a reason why male-dominant relationships simply don't work very well long term. A "broken-in" woman is boring to a man, who will wander off to find a new and more challenging project.
ReplyDeleteWomen are the other way around -- and that's very good news for the long-term health of the relationship. A dominant wife is much happier with a husband who is good at his job and requires minimal oversight. If she wants to come into the kitchen and tease him, of course, she still will. But if she wants to spend the evening going out with friends instead, she knows it won't make a bit of difference to his behavior.
I remember feeling anxious that I wouldn't be in a "real FLR" unless my wife was constantly doing new things to me (threats, rules, etc) to actualize the power-exchange dynamic. But undirected service makes the relationship *more* real, not less real. This is part of the value of "fire-and-forget" elements of the kink side of the relationship, like chastity cages or (in my case) being kept barefoot and pedicured in the kitchen. This approach requires zero work or maintenance for the dominant, but still provides the sexualizing narrative that the submissive craves. The dominant wife just wakes up in the morning and finds that the kitchen has magically cleaned itself and the coffee has magically brewed itself, just like every other day, and then smiles and moves on with the rest of her morning.
Thank you for posting your thoughts. I don't agree with some of the things you wrote or perhaps I am misunderstanding your meaning. If a man is looking at woman as a project, then that's not really a relationship or it is a toxic and unhealthy relationship for the woman to be in. I don't agree that it is a man vs. woman thing. I think you are confusing that with what is a kink fling vs what is a true relationship. I would be interested to hear what others think, as I do not pay much attention to male dominated relationships.
ReplyDeleteYou are also implying many things, about what I wrote in the post, which are not the intent of the post. An obedient submissive does not mean he/she is ignored or that he/she requires minimal oversight. Zero work or maintenance from the dominant is over simplifying the reality. A dominant must continually exercise oversight, training, discipline and rewards to keep the submissive motivated.
The proactive devotion that I wrote about, doe not mean the other elements(training, discipline, etc.) do not exist.
Our 5 year old WLM is certainly a work in progress. In the beginning, I formally reported to her the chores completed each week so that she wouldn't wonder or concern herself with those tasks. Now, that formal reporting has gone by the wayside as we accepted a new normal. That being, I am responsible for all of the weekly chores, plus anything else I find that is needed to do, or that she adds to my household jobs. She loves the new normal, but doesn't dwell on it because, as she says, "I shouldn't have to worry about you getting your work done, but you should." I reply, "Yes Ma'am". She says, "If you have a problem, you need to let me know."
ReplyDeleteI had minor surgery a month ago. The Doc, as part of my recovery program, told my wife, "If he needs a glass of water, a pill, or most anything else, you tell him to get up and get it himself." She said, "No problem with that" and chuckled. I told him that's pretty much my life anyway... LOL!
As for doing things for her and our family when she is "not looking", that is a given. Often, when she gets home from work, she will ask me what I accomplished during the day. If it is a lot, then maybe I will get some help preparing dinner and/or cleaning up. If it is very little, She may say something like, "Let me know when dinner is on the table" then she sits and relaxes as I do the work. It works for me, as I understand this is the way she expresses her thoughts about my getting little done. Not only don't I get help from her, I am deprived of the banter of conversation while we work together. I really miss that, so I most always try to have some chores done each day.
Thanks again for the great blog! Bob
Hahaha love it
ReplyDeleteGirlsWhoKickAsses