There are several great insights found in Evan's profile, which I recently published in the profile pages of my blog. One item that I'd like to mention is the sentence highlighted below in purple.
How have things evolved or changed with you and as a couple in your WLM/FLR over time since starting the WLM/FLR? How does this compare to how you were prior to the WLM/FLR?
Worlds better. Instead of constantly complaining about what I wish I could have, I've learned to accept my role with joy and humility. Earlier, she would try to accommodate me by giving me what I thought I wanted, but eventually she figured out that what I really wanted was to be forced to do whatever *she* wanted.This is a challenge for many couples new to WLM. Notice that there are two distinct issues embedded in Evan's statement: 1) the wife catering solely to his submissive desires, and 2) the "what I thought I wanted" issue. So many guys think they know what they want when it comes to domination and submission, but really do not understand what exactly they want or need. It is quite a dilemma because when you think you know it all, it becomes very difficult to see the truth and change. The end result of not figuring out the right path, is that submission is unfulfilling to the husband (he's constantly searching for the next "fix") and the wife becomes tired and disengaged.
Evan is very fortunate that both he and his wife figured out that him serving her needs and desires is the true path to happiness and fulfillment in a WLM.
Thoughts?
-Mz Kaylee
Love this! I've always believed there are two kinds of WLM's. One that is well-intended but in reality intends to cater to the fetishes of the husband, and 2; Those that indeed recognize that what is important i the blissful existence of the wife. Not at the dreary expense of the husbands happiness and joy, but because serving his wife is the source of his bliss and happiness.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing!
Raiden - I move your comment to Evan's profile page as it was not in context to this particular post.
ReplyDeleteFrom the submissive husband’s point of view, I would say that it is a blend that requires communication, understanding, and empathy on the part of the Dominant Wife or partner (to make it work well over a long term for most). Even though I desire to submit to my Wife, believe She is superior to me, and crave Her approval and discipline, the fact that She has shown an interest in learning my “triggers” so that She can use them to reward me has only enhanced my devotion to Her. Our bodies are different, our minds are different. In my opinion, without open communication, there is no way that anyone could know what another person “really needs” or should have. My Wife uses my desire(s) to reward and keep me in line, and I do know that I am a far better person for submitting to Her control. (And I certainly would overindulge my own desires if allowed.) But She is controlling what She knows to be my desires, not what She believes I “should” want. There is a big difference.
ReplyDelete"But She is controlling what She knows to be my desires, not what She believes I “should” want. There is a big difference."
ReplyDeleteLove this!
This ties into my wife's belief that male submission is 9/10 a stealth form of dominance, i.e. the male seeking to dominate the woman by demanding she dominate him according to his needs, creating a paradox of power.
ReplyDeleteNo true submissive “demands” anything from a Woman. My point is that it is more powerful for the Dominant Wife to control what She knows the sub desires rather than trying to force him to detach triggers that are already firmly entrenched or to try to force him to like something She believes he “should” like. For example, I have never liked the taste of broccoli. Should my wife make me eat it because She likes it and She believes I should? Perhaps as a punishment, but not a reward, and never with the notion that I will begin to like it because She thinks I should. Or is She more powerful when She has me looking forward to a reward I desire? (of course only if it suits Her fancy!) IMHO, this is not topping from the bottom as your Wife seems to imply, but rather the Dominant Wife using Her sub hubby’s fetishes and desires to control him for the benefit of both of them.
ReplyDeleteIn a WLM that is in its infancy or early stages, the stealth form of dominance or topping from the bottom almost always occurs because there is a huge need or desire that exists in the submissive that is not being met by the wife/dominant (unless of course the WLM was initiated by the wife). It is a necessary step for the WLM to progress but must be tread carefully, and can be the downfall of the WLM if not done properly. However, as Nancy B has eluded to, the wife who understands the submissive desires and uses them to her advantage to motivate him, is powerful. VERY POWERFUL! The challenge is getting the wife to the point where she understands and embraces this concept. When that occurs the stealth domination is eliminated. Great discussion!
ReplyDeleteMaybe we're all saying the same thing but in different ways. My wife says that the man's desires should always be secondary to the woman's and that she should only embrace/use his desires to the extent they happen to overlap with hers and/or to the extent she doesn't mind doing so. In this sense, the women should never, in any way, be inconvenienced by the male's desires. If there is no overlap, she says the onus is on the man, not the woman, to "meet" such that there is overlap.
DeleteI agree with Tim R. wholeheartedly. Very well said friend.
Delete"My wife says that the man's desires should always be secondary to the woman's and that she should only embrace/use his desires to the extent they happen to overlap with hers and/or to the extent she doesn't mind doing so. In this sense, the women should never, in any way, be inconvenienced by the male's desires. If there is no overlap, she says the onus is on the man, not the woman, to "meet" such that there is overlap."
Great words of wisdom from your wife!
DeleteI agree with Tim’s last comment. To the original post, though, what I really want is not to be “forced” to do what She wants. I do what She wants out of respect, service, humility, and submission. I want her to understand and care about me (and use my desires as rewards) even as they should not inconvenience Her. I am not a sadist and She is not a masochist — although She is VERY Dominant and there is no question who is in control!
ReplyDeleteI agree that the temptation to try to top from the bottom is common, especially early in the development of the FLR. As I have matured, and learned the difference between chasing a "fix" vs truly submitting, I have become much better able to distinguish between what I might want vs what my Domme wants. My Domme does enjoy doing things that she knows that I enjoy, but we have both worked to make sure that her desires are primary, and that she feels comfortable making the choice to not indulge my desires if she doesn't want to. The decision is hers, and hers alone, and I keep telling myself and her that her choices are the ones that matter.
ReplyDelete