I've learned a lot about the submissive mind over the years. I've become quite good at understanding how to push my husband's hot buttons, knowing what things drive him wild, and anticipating how he will react to various things. Like a well trained Ferrari driver, I can take his arousal from 0 to 60 in seconds and hold him there without letting him spin out of control. Controlling him and getting him to do what I want is second nature to me now. While I may know how to do all this, I still find the submissive mind to be a mystery. The biggest mystery being 'why does he react the way he does? Why does being forced to wear panties turn him into an aroused and docile heap of clay that I can mold any way I want? Why does ordering him to kneel at my feet easily send him into a submissive spiral? I know what these things do to him, but the 'why' is a mystery.
I'd like to share an excerpt from an e-mail I received from Mary, whom I correspond with regularly. Her e-mail spurred my thoughts in this post. I completely relate to what she describes below, as I experience the same with my husband.
"There is this "thing" it seems. I guess the only way I can say it is the more I demand of him the more he seems to need/desire/attend to me in some weird way. I cannot quite describe this. Sometimes I am a bit tough on him in terms of "chores and tasks". All I can say is it "does something" to him when I am demanding or give him a lot of direction and demands. It is like it "orients him to me" or something. Like the more I direct him the more he needs me or desires me. I know he has a drive to me in general and is very drawn to me sexually - that has always been but "something happens" in this when I demand things or "calmly direct him". It is hard to describe but I totally, totally feel it.
This is an example. The other night was a nothing night and we were just watching TV. I was going to take a hot shower before bed (I like that!) and it crossed my mind to have him clean the bathroom. At first to be honest I was just thinking of telling him to get out my towels and robe - that is all. But I thought about it and thought it would be nice to have a sparkling bathroom. It was not what you would call "dirty" just not "sparkly". I tend to give him his chores or errands in morning or first thing in general and lay off more in evening unless it is something smaller or personal for me - get me snack or something. But I had him clean (really scrub!) the whole bathroom at about 10pm at night. I kept watching TV while he spent about a half hour or more doing that and then getting my things out. Kaylee, I honestly cannot quite describe it. I think it excites him to task for me but it is more than that. I think it also calms him or something? Is it "not having to think"? Just "do as told"?"
Mary touches on a few of the submissive mysteries. What I find commendable about Mary's example is that on a whim she challenged the norm and exerted strict control and high standards to a simple task in order to tap into her husband’s submission. This is not easy to do for many women, because it doe not seem intuitive or right. However, when exploring domination, the best way to learn and grow is to step out of your comfort zone and explore the mysteries. For me, part of the thrill of domination, is seeing the mysterious reactions in my husband. It is exciting to push his submissive buttons and know that I am going to have an emotional and erotic impact on him. Perhaps knowing the 'why' is not important. After all, we never think about why the car goes. We just press the pedal and know it is going to go and that is what's most useful to us.
-Mz Kaylee
Very interesting article Kaylee. This is something that Mistress K. and I speak about frequently. I asked her not to long ago to become comfortable with and develop a genuine desire to be selfish ... with me. In other words, it's not really selfish on her part to be selfish. If that makes any sense at all.
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree with your logic. One of the most generous acts a wife can do for a submissive husband is to take on an attitude with him of being selfish, privileged and Queen-like.
ReplyDeleteAs a submissive (sissy) husband, let me try to explain why Anne’s task would have been fulfilling for me. The whimsical and unpredictable nature of Her requiring the chore later in the evening reinforces Her authority and that She can require his service at any time. Second, She is relaxing while he is working, and of course he should ensure that She only bathes in a spotless bathroom. I would have been aroused by the task, especially if required to complete it naked or wearing only my panties and apron. A wonderful way for Her to reinforce Her superiority.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing these insights. :)
DeleteAbsolutely 1,000,000,000x this. When I'm hooked, the more she dumps on me, the happier and more hooked I become. It's some weird shit.
ReplyDelete(And I absolutely love her for it.)
So true and so fun!
Delete"Orients him to me“ - is the best explanation for my feelings and behavior.
ReplyDeleteThe first months of love we all have the same situation. Your loved person is oriented to you and you to her/him. You think the whole day about him/her. Maybe it is a general result of the evolution: To be oriented, to be connected to someone results finally in binding.
As a man you are often more trained to do your things alone, to take decisions, to act ... - but maybe it is just training and not the deepest interesst - also men want to be connected, to be emotionaly open, to be sensitive …. Maybe for woman it is more normal to live these deep feelings.
to be submissive creates an easy situation for man to give up their loneliness and there power and to get more attention, more structure and even more the feeling of beiing loved.
Thanks - for me it is a perfect description and just press the pedal and take it as a big present of your mens!
Peter
I agee Peter. One of the best and unexpected outcome of my WLM/domination is how it connected us on an intimate level. I feel so close to him now. It is a deep, wonderful connection that I don't think I could ever experience in a traditional marraige.
DeleteHello Mz. Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteRegrettably I've have not commented in a long time. Life can get in the way and monopolize our time. I hope to comment more frequently in the future.
I had to comment about this guest post. Mary has so accurately described something that often happens with my own husband, Phil when he enters very deep subspace. Phil and have had a wonderful WLM for over 10 years (they can happen long term!) at his suggestion. Not so long ago I decided to allow Phil full orgasms and dispense with ruined ones. My reasoning was that he was in his 50s and I was concerned about the health of his prostate. Men do need to clean out the pipes. But I noticed he was giving me more serious backtalk and was being uncooperative. I did not, initially, think this was related to his orgasms because he was going through more stressful changes in his job. Even my husband admitted he was behaving badly at times. I began to think the reason for his sour attitude might be his full orgasms but I wasn't sure because of his work stress. So, I decided to test this out by gradually extending the time between his orgasms.
Unfortunately for him, or fortunately depending on your perspective, I was right. Phil's attitude greatly improved. He still gets full orgasms, but only gets releases every 8 to 10 weeks. I still keep him guessing on exactly when he can cum. This might seem harsh, but Phil still gets a few surprises for special events; his birthday, on our anniversary, or on vacation. I sometimes feel very generous and he gets a surprise for no reason except that I decided he could have one.
I found longer denial periods put Phil into much deeper sub space provided I make demands in a more haughty and tougher way than usual. There's nothing better than to gaze down and see my husband's sexy shaved head and broad shoulders as he kneels before me, almost in a trance. Interestingly enough, even Phil enjoys this feeling. He almost gets lost as he kisses my feet and legs, or worships my body in other fun ways.
Have a nice holiday season and I hope to comment again very soon.
Joan
So good to hear from you Joan. I am glad you are commenting again. It is amazing how much orgasms (or lack of orgasm) impacts the male's attitude. I have also found that 8 - 10 weeks is a good denial period. It keeps my husband in a constant state of arousal and in a more positive and submissive attitude. He seems to recover quicker from the post-orgasm drop when he is denied longer. For many years 8 - 10 weeks of denial was the norm. Occasionally I'd go shorter or longer just to keep him guessing. However, as we've matured, I've found less of a need for his orgasms. It has been several months since he has had an orgasm and I am not sure when I will allow one next. His servitude toward me remains strong. Who knows what his future holds in regards to orgasms.
DeleteThis really resonates with me: "I've found less of a need for his orgasms. It has been several months since he has had an orgasm and I am not sure when I will allow one next." I've mentioned before but a couple years ago my wife more or less wondered aloud what the point of the male orgasm was and why I needed it. Panicked and put on the spot I mentioned the "clean pipes" theory but had to admit that it did impact my attitude in the short run. I think my wife took it as a challenge at that point to prove me wrong, and she went as far as having us sit down, over lunch, with her gynaecologist to discuss the health impacts. This episode was quite humiliating (and arousing) in and of itself, as I'll never forget the woman's smile and apparent delight at my wife's command. I ended up going over a year and half until my wife relented, and it ironically came at a point where I was at peace with my situation and ended up confessing to her one night that she was right (as always) and that with orgasms off the table I was better able to completely devote myself to her needs.
DeleteMz. Kaylee,
DeleteI was intrigued by this...
"Occasionally I'd go shorter or longer just to keep him guessing. However, as we've matured, I've found less of a need for his orgasms. It has been several months since he has had an orgasm and I am not sure when I will allow one next. His servitude toward me remains strong. Who knows what his future holds in regards to orgasms."
As I read your reply I began to rethink orgasms for my husband. The harsh mistress in me would absolutely love to see how my husband would react if told him was I wanted to wean him down to one orgasm for his birthday, one our anniversary, and one when we are on vacation. That would mean other orgasms would be gone. The wife in me would feel a little bad and concerned about denying orgasms, the mistress would not. I'd be tempted to deny Phil even more than I currently do if I knew the worst that he would experience is "blue balls" and some additional frustration. My husband better hope I don't come across any new studies showing that there isn't a significant link between prostate issues and frequency of orgasms. He likes my OC and did agree to leave it up to me.
Regards,
Joan
"As I read your reply I began to rethink orgasms for my husband. The harsh mistress in me would absolutely love to see how my husband would react if told him was I wanted to wean him down to one orgasm for his birthday, one our anniversary, and one when we are on vacation. That would mean other orgasms would be gone. The wife in me would feel a little bad and concerned about denying orgasms, the mistress would not. I'd be tempted to deny Phil even more than I currently do if I knew the worst that he would experience is "blue balls" and some additional frustration. My husband better hope I don't come across any new studies showing that there isn't a significant link between prostate issues and frequency of orgasms. He likes my OC and did agree to leave it up to me."
DeleteI just love this. Thank you Joan! I can completely relate to this very thing. Without planning to do so, I've already been weened to 3, maybe 4 full-on orgasms per year. None of them are necessarily tied to benchmark dates such as birthday or Anniversary, but rather completely subject to the whim of Mistress K.. Yes, they sometimes happen on birthdays and anniversaries some years, but there is no certainty that any date of celebration will include an orgasm. Most often it does not. That said, I feel now as though my sex life is better than at any time in my life. I've never felt that I am entitled to, or have an earned an orgasm because that is not how it works in our house. So, never frustrated. Blue balls? Yep, they happen and when they do, I have become accustomed to relishing the dull ache because I am keenly aware of the source of those blue balls.
Thanks again for your comment Joan.
sub hub,
Delete"Without planning to do so, I've already been weened to 3, maybe 4 full-on orgasms per year."
Thank you for your comment about the number of full orgasms you're allowed. The more I think about it, the more I'm tempted to adjust the number of orgasms I allow for my husband. I worry about his prostate health, but I am his mistress. What I say goes. I've allowed him many orgasms over the years. Perhaps I've been too lenient. My husband really does enjoy orgasm control.
Thank you.
Joan
First off what a great post. As a submissive husband being told to do something turns me on, I believe because I know accomplishing the task will bring pleasure to my wife. Worship is an obvious way to express affection, as is service, and gift giving. Doing chores I know I should do I have to create the image of how this will provide a more relaxed wife in my own mind. If as in this scenario my wife tells me she wants a shower in a spotless bathroom. As I scrub I'm picturing her naked enjoying my shower, but also thinking of her not stressed knowing her life is being made better by me. In short feel aroused or "oriented to her" by service because my sacrifice reduces her stress and being demanded in a moment makes that more real. Also, I know a relaxed wife is more prone to let me worship her, or at least be more playful.
ReplyDeleteJon
Thank you for sharing your insights. I like that you are thinking about how it benefits her and you are correct that a relaxed wife is more prone to be playful. Too many submissive guys don't understand this connection and that submission needs to be tied to her desires and not just about the subs desires.
DeleteAs a 53 year old male sub I have thought about this question a lot. For me, I am a fiercely independent and self-reliant person. The best I can figure is this started at a very young age or is perhaps just my nature. The stress that comes with feeling like you are responsible for everything and you ultimately must count on yourself only to survive and provide is significant.
ReplyDeleteSo there is an element of letting go of that and just obeying your wife that is calming. The complexity is for this to work effectively and joyfully I must be in some sort of subspace. Mz. Kaylee, you have figured out how to keep your husband in perpetual subspace or at least on the the "spectrum".
So, not only does he enjoy being in subspace but it is reinforced by not being in charge of anything. Just obey. The very word obey has a charge. The challenge for me is when I am in this place I can't get her out of my mind and crave more and can become needy. An orgasm breaks the spell.
I don't understand the mystery either. My guess it is wired in all men but some of us more so than others. I have thought that patriarchy was born out of resistance to being submissive to females.
Woman ultimately hold the keys to sex and reproduction, the very survival of our species. That puts women in the drivers seat naturally. Women collectively blew it by using sex as a weapon instead of a tool for mutual pleasure. Maybe that is fantasy stuff and an over simplification, but a woman who realizes her sexual potential can overcome patriarchy with relative ease and take the reigns. I just don't think most woman want to as they have been trained to be weak.
Ok, that was a ramble, I tried to add something to topic, not sure if I got there. Thanks for the blog Mz Kaylee.
KL