It is interesting to hear how couples got started with FLR/WLM. I hear more stories about guys bringing the concept to the woman than the woman seducing the guy into submission. In my situation, it was my husband who asked me to dominate him. He had started to be really nice to me and asking me if I wanted massages, which of course I said yes. One night he asked if he could bathe me. It was odd for him to ask me that, but I loved the idea and let him bathe me. This went on for a week or two and I knew something was going on in his mind so it did not completely surprise me when he wanted to talk one night. He confessed his desire to be dominated and to have me control his orgasms. He told me the benefit to me was that I could have endless massages and baths from him and that I could even order him to do chores. It all sounded strange to me, especially controlling his orgasms. We actually had a laugh over it as I joked that I might not let him orgasm for a long time. I could tell he put a lot of thought into his confession and the he was uncomfortable admitting it to me. As strange as it sounded to me, I was glad that he had the courage to talk to me about it and I agreed to give it a try. The rest is history.
Trina recently shared with me how she got started with FLR. It was her e-mail that inspired this post as she was wondering how others got started. Trina's starting point is described below. Please share how your first discussion of FLR went with your spouse or partner. Who introduced the topic? What did each of you say and what was the spouse or partners response? How long did it take for you or the other person to work up the courage to bring it up?
Over the course of our marriage, I'm not proud to say that I developed behaviors that neither of us liked. I could be brusque; this hurt her feelings and I would feel terrible. We turned to FLR as a means of training this out of me, and it worked. I feel better about myself as a person and husband. My wife was hesitant at first, but she took to it and no longer has any compunction about exercising authority.
ReplyDeleteA turning point came when I gave her cause to call me on the carpet. This took a lot of courage on her part because it was still early days and she didn't know how I would respond. I was contrite (and, when I had a chance to reflect, proud of her), her confidence in herself and trust me surged, and we never looked back.
BTW, we did draw up a contract, which turned out to be very helpful by establishing roles and setting expectations. It's brief--one page--and is a joint effort. A contract may not be for everyone, but it's been great for us.
DeleteThis is an absolutely beautiful account. I'm so glad you are both happier now.
DeleteMz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteOur WLM started with my husband. As our house was becoming empty he suggested it and sent me many articles. He was always more into kink than I was, but he wanted a Mistress/Wife and showed me he was serious. He did more housework tasks, listened to what I wanted more than ever, and began to obey me. Orgasm denial took some convincing on his part, but I tried it and the idea of him sacrificing frequent orgasms was quite a turn on to us (I don't think he realized just how much of a turn on it was to me before it was too late). We adjusted a few things over the years like punishment. I was punishing him a little too harshly in the beginning. I found control by something like grounding him or making him wear a butt plug or a chastity device worked better for a naughty submissive husband. He trusted me and I believe he really sees me as his Mistress/Wife. I also enjoy his dependence on me in our marriage while his manhood remains intact for his job and to the outside world. I have enjoyed a few of my own kinks thanks to my husband and we both are very happy.
Joan
Joan I don't like them chaste and the reason is because they become either grumpy or bittered. Chastity shouldn't be used for more than a very occasional punishment for 2 days or maximum one week for very bad behavior or just to torture him very very occasionally (yes, I do "unjust punishing". I tell my submissive "this is just an unjust punishment because I feel like it" but I consider that a game, to me it's the same as just any BDSM have, that bring said I don't give him a choice about it)
DeleteGigi, my wife sees this as you do. She has cut me be back--"just enough to keep you hungry"--and has me jump through more than a few hoops, but she doesn't want me to feel frustrated or exploited.
DeleteWe started on this road over 10 years ago, as a way to take the pressure for sex off my wife and reconnect as our sex drives diverged. I'd heard a little about Tantra, (thanks, Sting!) and began researching online. Alot of what I found seemed crazy, of course, but putting my sexual energy fully into the service of our marriage didn't.
ReplyDeleteOne early experience showed me the power of Male Orgasm Control in a powerful way. My wife and I were on a vacation with family. She was feeling amorous while I was concerned with making noise with other people in the house. Ultimately, she rode on top of me to her orgasm, while I nervously held still under her and maintained my self-control.
Wow! Suddenly everything was different. For the next few days I was buzzing with energy and deliriously smitten with my bride. Prior to that experience, I had been used to orgasming several times a week - usually on my own - and being 'denied' was like nothing I'd experienced before. (It didn't hurt that we spent the next few days at the beach, with lovely young women in bikinis driving my sexual energy even higher!)
Almost instantly, I craved denial more than release. As you say, the rest is history!
CK
I briefly answered this in my recent profile contribution, but because our situation is a bit unique in its rationale, I don't mind explaining it here.
ReplyDeleteWhen we dated Rosa and I both had established lives and routines, so when it made sense in so many ways for us to live together, we had to confront one emotional obstacle: Rosa worried that moving in with me in a house I had so thoroughly "made my own" would relegate her to some second class, 'tenant' status.
At the time we had already settled into roles where Rosa was finally able to indulge her dominant desires, mostly through spanking, but also with various forms of pampering. Being a bit of a puzzle solver, it occurred to me that if we both felt comfortable taking what had been play-driven D/s and made it 'real' in terms of actual behavior and control, that Rosa could see what was my house as her new kingdom to rule over.
What stands out for me even after all these years is Rosa's utter absence of struggle to embrace this proposal. Rosa found it to be not only a perfect solution to the problem, but also as the next step in our evolution as a D/s couple, AND as a "no-brainer" recognition of who we both are. As such her acceptance was immediate and enthusiastic.
Rules were drawn up, parameters of behavior and sexual control established, and of course clear delineation of who was in charge mutually accepted. The biggest surprise to me was how easily she took to using what had been a somewhat kinky 'game' and now using it to keep my behavior within her range of acceptability. She began to spank me whenever she felt it was deserved, and since it was deserved, did so punitively, without ever trying to 'make it fun'.
More developments followed, but those can wait until those specific topics are presented.
"What stands out for me even after all these years is Rosa's utter absence of struggle to embrace this proposal. Rosa found it to be not only a perfect solution to the problem, but also as the next step in our evolution as a D/s couple, AND as a "no-brainer" recognition of who we both are. As such her acceptance was immediate and enthusiastic."
DeleteSomething in you - maybe years before you know why - picked the right woman. Congratulations!
If I may say so, I did too!
CK
Hey there, CK. Nice to see you! Agreed on our mutually insightful choices.
DeleteHi KD - hope all is well!
DeleteCK
Thank you all for sharing. Wonderful to hear the different experiences. KD - thanks for mentioning the profiles. For those interested, there is a similar question in the profile template so fell free to read through the profiles and of course if you have not done a profile, please do! See the profile template on the right side of the blog for instructions.
ReplyDeleteIt was really me looking for a woman to be in charge and a future mother-in-law who had enough. I had told of my desire, she asked, in bed, as she said nothing to hide behind. She understood, thought about it, left it at that. Several months into our relationship visiting her mother for a week, she told her daughter that his behavior needs attention. That evening in bed was told of the conversation. I slept in, was taken a shower, stepped out of the shower and there stood the mother, young man she said grabbing my arm, time for a talk. Well she sat on the toilet and I was soon getting the spanking of my life. I was then taken to the kitchen, rubbing, naked, my girlfriend smiled, face the wall my gf said and I did as told. They talked, made comments, and my girlfriend finally said, time to get dress and she followed me. But first she sternly said over my lap, you wanted me to spank you, well get use to it, when needed your bare bottom will be soundly spanked. When she finished, I was rubbing, promising to be good. Jack
ReplyDeleteI've written this in my profile, but I knew when we were dating I wanted to be in a FLM. We had time to talk about it, and implement things prior to our wedding. So I was quite well trained by the time we were married, and she has adjusted things, and me as time has progressed. One thing that would have helped, was an idea I read about on a now defunct blog. To have taken a part time weekend job in the housekeeping department of a hotel. This would have helped my vacuuming, bedmaking, and bathroom cleaning skills so much quicker, and taken alot of stress off her. None the less just refer to my profile for more info if you are interested.
ReplyDeleteI had developed interests in an FLR, and after some failed relationships I was looking for someone who was interested in such a relationship. I met my current Domme/fiancee on FetLife, and we started talking about vanilla mutual interests as well as FLR interests. Ma'am was active in the BDSM community and had enough experiences in other relationships that she knew that she needed to be the dominant person in the relationship. She enjoys using spankings, orgasm control, and a variety of other D/s practices in a 24/7 relationship, and she is very comfortable being in charge in our relationship. We have been involved with each other long distance for about two years, and we will be moving in together in the next month. She has let me know that she has been going easy on me so far, but that she will be taking firmer control and setting stricter standards for my behavior once we are living together full time.
ReplyDeleteThe original concept for my marriage looked very different from where it ended up. Before getting engaged, we planned out a pretty traditional distribution of gender roles. I would earn most of the money (having much more education), and my wife would be a full-time housewife and handle all the domestic work. I wanted to be in charge of all money, and keep all accounts in my name, and basically just give her a cash allowance. In exchange, I said I'd give her control of my sexual attention -- give up all masturbation/pornography/erotica and be completely faithful to her. We also agreed to take a "switching" approach to bedroom activities, since both of us wanted a turn being in charge during actual sex and setting the agenda for activities. We used forfeits from games to choose who would be dominant for that particular day.
ReplyDeletePretty quickly it was apparent that I was going to have trouble holding up my end of the bargain. I was not good at avoiding orgasms, a pretty common problem for men. My wife (fiancee at the time) initially teased me about putting me in a chastity belt, but after a few weeks of feeling like I had no self-control, I started to research the idea and take it more seriously.
The tease and denial dynamic started almost immediately, and both of us noticed that I was much more enthusiastic about the submissive role after a week or so of such treatment. This set off a gradual process of my wife chipping away at all the rules I had set up initially, using increasingly long denial periods to get me aroused about losing elements of control. The result was a slow inversion of nearly all the aspects of marriage where I was supposed to be in charge. By about the tenth year of marriage, I had been progressively trained into becoming a male version of the domestic submissive role I had originally assigned to her. In effect she got me addicted to a submissive identity, then took away all the earlier sex play (increasingly necessary anyway, with children in the house) and told me the only sort of submissive identity she was going to offer me was domestic service -- take it or leave it. By that point my craving was so powerful that it was hardly a choice at all.