Maintaining My Authority and Dominance When We Are Apart

There are times throughout the year when Thomas and I spend a night or a few nights apart from each other.  This could be due to business travel, me visiting my sister, or even a weekend away with the girls (or him with the guys).  When we are apart from each other overnight I have a few ground rules for him and I usually also have a list of tasks for him to do.  I do this because I want him to feel my presence and my authority even when I am not there.  I want him focused on me.  It also helps to keep him out of trouble.  Even the most loyal husbands can stray when put into a tempting situation.  Thomas has told me that he enjoys the rules and tasks that I give him.  It keeps him from getting lonely and he enjoys staying focused on me and being under my control.

I choose to always have him in panties when we are apart.  Panties have a different feel than his normal underwear and I want him to notice that throughout the day as a subtle reminder of his submission.  If he is traveling I will pack his bag and choose the panties for him to wear. Sometimes I will surprise him with a new pair.  I will also lay a pair out the day of his travel for him to wear.  If he is home and I am away, I will let him choose what to wear each day but he must send me a text each morning identifying the panty of the day.  I also require him to sleep in the panties.  Normally he sleeps naked but when we are apart I want him to feel the tightness of the panties around him at night.

In addition to the panties, some things that I have done when he is traveling include:

• Making him wear a cock ring or plug
• Having him buy a pair of panties when he arrives at his location
• Requiring him to buy me a gift
• Packing a pair of my used panties and having him inhale my scent every morning and every night before bed.  He must also sleep with them on his pillow. He confessed that this was one of his favorite tasks.
• Requiring him to strip down to his panties whenever he is in his hotel room.
• Having him masturbate while thinking of me every night and every morning (no orgasm)
• Requiring him to kneel whenever he texts or calls me (if he is in a private room).
• Have him write a 500 word essay.  Topics I’ve used include why he loves worshipping and serving me and how he can be a better slave husband
• I also require him to text me at certain times of the day (morning, lunch, by 5:30pm, before bed).  I will text if I want him to call me or not.  He must reply to any of my texts within 10 minutes.  No excuses accepted for being late, no matter how legitimate they seem.  If he fails to do any of the above, he will be punished when he gets home.
• If I am feeling a bit frisky, I will call him and tease him over the phone. I once used a vibrator while I teased him and it drove him wild.

What I choose to do depends on the mood I am in, the type of trip he is taking, and the length of time he is apart.    If he is traveling via plane, I will not send him with any toys other than a rubber cock ring that we have.  Sometimes I send a note in his suitcase with his tasks, sometimes I tell him before he leaves or sometimes I text or call him with assignments throughout the day.

If I am the one traveling, the above items are all fair game.  I expect the house to be spotless when I arrive back home and I expect to have a gift or flowers waiting for me when I arrive home (I am a Goddess after all).  I will give him extra chores to do such as straightening up my shoes, re-folding my panty drawer, or organizing my closet.  Since I am not there for him to serve, he should have plenty of time for these extra chores.  I may require him to sleep in the extra room as a symbol that the master bedroom belongs to me and it is a privilege for him to share it with me.  I will usually lock him in chastity when I am away.  I do not do this when he travels for safety reasons and also I do not want an embarrassing situation to arise at the airport.

By instituting these ground rules and assigning him tasks, it ensures that my authority and presence are felt by him when we are apart.  It also serves as a mechanism to keep him out of trouble. A final benefit is that it adds a little fun to the situation.  We are apart but still connected through this interaction.  His arousal level is pretty high when we get back together which leads to even more fun.  I often look forward to these times apart because it is nice to get “alone time” every now and then and it is fun to tease him with these rules and tasks.

 

Loyalty During the Busy Times

The past few weeks have been busy for me with work and personal things.  Little time has been spent with my husband.  Despite this lack of attention to Thomas, he made my coffee every morning, kept up with his chores, and kept the house in order. He did everything possible to please me and even offered extra help knowing my busy schedule.  This dynamic is the essence of a FLR. FLR is not about whips and kinks that you see in the mainstream media.  The kinks certainly are a part of the FLR for many people, including myself, but they are only a small piece of the overall FLR.

The FLR is more about a lifestyle decision to accept the woman as the lead.  It is about the male embracing his obedience to his wife and striving to please her.  I also believe there is responsibility of the woman to take care of the male's needs. Life does get in the way sometimes but in a healthy FLR the underlying dynamic of the FLR remains intact during those busy times.  I am grateful and pleased that Thomas continued to server and please despite my lack of attention towards him.

I will make sure that I take time to focus on his needs.  As the lead of the relationship it is up to the female to ensure that the busy times do not drag on too long and hurt the relationship.  My way of dealing with this is to set time aside for planning and to allow time for fun.  I think this is an important part of any relationship, regardless if it is FLR or not.

-Mz Kaylee

The Art of The Ruined Orgasm

Last night I gave Thomas a ruined orgasm.  A ruined orgasm is when you stop providing stimulation to you man's cock when he starts to cum or right before he starts to cum, thereby ruining his orgasm.  The man may feel a brief moment of pleasure but then it immediately vanishes leaving him frustrated.  I have to admit that I get a thrill from seeing his desperation and it is even more thrilling that he thanks me afterward.  He is like a puppy dog that is always happy...always wagging his tail no matter what I do.  Some may consider this cruel, but even Thomas enjoys when I ruin his orgasms because it is another form of control that he gets to experience.  To him a full blown orgasm is a very special privilege that he only experiences on a rare occasions. Denying his orgasm keeps him feeling submissive and controlled.  He craves this feeling and enjoys the mental game.

The thrill and arousal that I experience from his ruined orgasm is only a part of the reason I do it.  I also consider the ruined orgasm a powerful tool for controlling Thomas and keeping him obedient.  The biggest advantage of a ruined orgasm is that it allows the man some release but avoids the post orgasm "slump" that most men experience after an full orgasm.  The slump I am referring to is when the man loses all energy and loses interest in sex and pleasing the woman.  After a ruined orgasm, many men do not experience the slump or it is very brief.  Thomas will often remain hard after the ruined orgasm.  His level of horniness remains high as well.

Another advantage of the ruined orgasm is that it is one more tool to add to your bag of tricks for teasing and orgasm control.  You can tell your man that he is allowed to orgasm and then at the moment he is about to orgasm or as soon as it starts you release his cock.  Incorporating this into your T&D keeps your man guessing about what to expect.  Not only will it be a mystery of when he can orgasm but now he won't even know if it will be a full orgasm or ruined orgasm.  Ruining his orgasm also prolongs his denial period. He gets some release but not a full orgasm.  Therefore you can prolong the timeframe of when he is allowed a full orgasm by slipping in a few ruined orgasms.

One final benefit that I would like to point out is that it can be used as a punishment.  If your man has been naughty or simply not meeting your expectations, you can announce that the next orgasm (or next 2, 3, etc.) will be ruined.

Now that I covered the purpose of the ruined orgasm, let's go over some methods of how to ruin the orgasm.  As the title of this blog indicates, it is more of an art than a science.  There are many techniques and approaches to the ruined orgasm. You can get very creative with it.  Each person is different and as you get to know your man's reactions, you can adjust your techniques to maximize his teasing.

The most basic approach is to stroke his cock and then at the moment he first spurts you release his cock and let it twitch and spurt on its own.  He will experience very brief pleasure at the first spurt but then once you release and there is no friction the orgasm becomes ruined and he is left frustrated.  This is a good way to introduce him to the ruined orgasm.  In my college days I would often do this with guys.  Back then I did it more for teasing then orgasm control. It was a bit cruel I guess but I loved it.  Funny thing was, the most guys would want to come back for me. I think they just never experienced a girl that paid so much attention to their cock. lol.

Another technique is to release his cock before he starts to cum.  This may take some practice because you have to anticipate when the orgasm is coming.  If you spend a considerable amount of time teasing your guy or if he has been denied an orgasm for a long period of time, this becomes easier to do.  With Thomas, I will often bring him to the edge of orgasm over and over again, stopping before he has an orgasm.  I will do this for 30 or more minutes. Usually by then he is mush and can barely control himself.  If I decide to go the ruined orgasm route, I will lightly stroke his cock with one or two fingers.  It literally twitches and bobs as he tries to hold back his orgasm.  At this point, if I gave him permission to orgasm, I could stroke with one finger and then he would shoot.  I prefer to tell him to try not to orgasm.  I enjoy seeing him struggle.  He eventually gets to a point where he can't hold back.  The fun part with this is that I can do a stroke or two and then watch his cock as he struggles to prevent his orgasms.  There have been times when I have stroked his cock and then watched him struggle for 20 or 30 seconds and then he spurted without me touching him.  That is art!  It is beauty to see him struggle and work so hard to please and obey me.  It is also a power rush to know that I control him so much and that no matter how hard he tries he can not stop me from giving him an orgasm.  What a mind fuck for him!  In these situations I don't feel that it is fair to punish him for having an orgasm without permission.  However,  I usually give him the disappointed look and tell him how weak he is. 

The variations (both mental and physical) you can apply to the above two techniques are endless and that's what makes is fun.  Some variations to experiment with:

•  Announce the ruined orgasm ahead of time or surprise him
• Tell him to try and orgasm while you tease him or tell him try not to orgasm while you tease him.  Imagine the fun of him trying to orgasm only to have you pull away at the last second and leave him with nothing.  Do this a few times and then send him over the edge and let go.
• Use your hands, mouth, tongue, panties, feathers, etc. to tease him. One of the most interesting videos I watched was a woman that held her man's cock straight up and she very slowly licked from bottom  to top until he spurted.
• Make him ruin the orgasm himself.  This is a good test of his loyalty. Will he let go before he spurts (bonus points for him), at the first spurt (good boy), or will he push the envelope and hold on a little longer after he spurts (bad boy.  Punishment time!).
• Combine with anal pleasure.  Stimulating the prostate will cause his cum to leak-out more.  Some women use this technique regularly to "milk" their man so that he can go very long periods without a orgasm.

Experiment and have fun with the variations.  I think it is great to always keep Thomas guessing as to what will happen next.  I want to share a ruined orgasm experience that I had with Thomas that absolutely drove him crazy for days afterwards but it has literally taking me over two weeks to write this post because I have been busy so I will share that experience in a follow-up post.

-Mz Kaylee

Sub Treats with a Twist

When reading about female domination and FLR's, a common theme is punishments.  Very little is written about positive reinforcement.  I believe that positive reinforcement is an effective method for motivating your submissive partner and keeping him obedient to you.  Training men is similar to teaching a child or even training a dog.  A child who is applauded for doing a good job, beams with joy and is encouraged to continue to do good and try harder. A dog will go crazy and do whatever he needs to please his owner in order to get a treat. Why not apply similar logic to training your submissive partner?

One thing I have learned over the years is that submissive men get excited and aroused from knowing they are pleasing their Dominant partner.  If what they are doing is pleasing the Dominant partner either sexually or in a non-sexual way, then they are motivated to continue to do it even if it is not something they want to do.  This feminine power over men is something that many women (including myself) enjoy and become addicted to.

A simple example of positive reinforcement is stating your pleasure with a task he did such as, "You folded my shirts nicely when you put them away.  Thank you for doing that.  It makes my drawer neat and organized and that makes me happy." In the bedroom it could be something like, "I love it when you kneel before me.  You look submissive and that excites me."  Notice that the statements are giving positive feedback and stating how the behavior makes the Dominant partner feel.  The combination of these two items motivate the sub to continue with the good behavior and continue to please.

There is a lot that can be written on this topic.  In this post I will focus on using treats to motivate.  I am going to narrow the topic even further to Treats with a Twist. The 'twist' is that the treats not only reward the sub for past behavior but they also reinforce your dominance and push him deeper into submission.  This is the mental part of domination.  I absolutely love the mental or psychological part of dominance.  I enjoy teasing and toying with Thomas's mind.  He loves it to.  He calls it the mind fuck.  He has confessed to me that he loves this the most about our FLR.  He enjoys that he never knows what to expect from me and he finds it thrilling when I get him into situations where he does not know how to respond or he finds himself doing thins he never imagined doing before.

I plan to write more about mental domination and the mind fuck but let's get back to the treats with a twist. The idea here is to find something that he might view as a punishment or as increased dominance and control over him and use that as a reward.  For example, a normal treat that I might reward Thomas with is buying him a pack of Snickers bars (He loves em.  What can I say...He is a simple guy).  However, instead of the normal treat, one day I bought him several pairs of panties.  I had them gifted wrapped and made him open them.

If you've read my previous posts you know that I frequently have Thomas in panties.  He always gets excited when he pulls on panties but at the same time he still feels embarrassed about them.  I love that dynamic.  By giving him panties as a treat, I am calling out that he loves to wear panties, even though it's something he has a hard time admitting to without blushing. When he saw the panties, I said,"  I know how much you love wearing panties for me and so I bought these pretty panties as a treat for you for your good behavior. You can wear them all week."It's almost reverse psychology and it has a wonderful effect on his mind.

There are endless ideas for this.  To help get your mind thinking here are a few more:

• "...Go get your chastity device.  I know how much you love being locked up for me and giving me complete control of your cock.  For being such a good boy, you can wear your chastity device until I decide otherwise.
• "For your reward, you can kneel before me and worship my feet with your tongue.
• "You did a great job with the kids last night..as a special treat you can pleasure my body tonight.
• "For being so good you may hand wash my panties and delicates this week.  I know how much you enjoy touching them and looking at them.

The fun in all this..or the mind fuck, is that the reward he is getting is linked to serving the Dominant or about being more submissive.  It is not an unconditional reward the he goes off and enjoys by himself.

It is certainly up to you if you want to use these ideas or how frequently to use them.  There should be no expectation of rewards or treats from your sub.  These are just techniques that can be introduced to motivate your sub and push him deeper into submission.  Everyone is different and you should use what ideas and techniques appeal to you.

Please share your thoughts and examples of positive reinforcement that has been used in your relationship.  I know there are readers out there and I encourage you all to comment.

 

Punishment for Thomas

 Last week Thomas raised his voice to me.  It was very uncharacteristic of him but nonetheless it was not acceptable.  At the time I was in a hurry to get to a nail appointment and not ready to argue with him. I said a few parting words and left.

When I arrived for my appointment, I took a few moments to send him a text.  I expressed my displeasure in his behavior and indicated that it was unacceptable and I should not be treated that way.  As a punishment, he would not be allowed to go to poker night with his friends the next day.

His reply was a simple "o.k.  You are right I am so sorry."

When I arrived back home he apologized to me again.  He missed his poker night and we were both fine and back to normal the next day.  I think this is a big advantage of a FLR.  He accepted his punishment without issue and we moved in.  I would guess that in many relationships, this situation would have ended in an argument or perhaps each person harboring negative feelings for an extended period of time.  It works great for us that I have the final say, I issue punishments when needed and he accepts them.  When the punishment is over we are back to normal.

A follow-up on Randomness

After I wrote my last post on the three R's of a Female Led Relationship, I had a wonderful memory of an experience that relates to the Randomness R.  If you read my previous post, what I am referring to is adding variety into your relationship.

This particular memory was about Thomas kneeling before me naked and reading back to me rules of the house.  I got the idea of doing this from a video clip that I watched.  I don't recall where I saw this clip as it was many years ago. 

What I do remember is seeing a beautiful mistress sitting comfortably across a plush chair.  She was sideways with her back resting against the back corner of the chair and her stocking covered legs dangling over the edge of the chair.  She wore a short black silk night gown.  In one hand was a glass of red wine and in the other was a thick chain leash.  At the other end of the leash was her husband.  He was kneeling on the side of the chair where her feet dangled. He was naked except for the thick chain leash around his neck. 

In front of him was a book that he was reading rules from. The Mistress sat comfortably and sipped wine while she listened to her husband read how he would obey her.  Occasionally she would respond in a firm authorities tone, "Yes..Good boy". Often she would tug his leash hard and command "Repeat" or Again!".  The slave would repeat the rule. 

I absolutely loved this scene.  She looked majestic, powerful, and queen like, while he looked submissive and needy.    I watched the clip several times and decided that it was something I wanted to do with Thomas.

I re-created the scene in our house.  I had Thomas type up a list of all the rules that he was already following.  Then I took his list and added a few new ones. One of my favorite rules that came from the video clip was "In our house the word husband means slave."  I made that rule #1.  I had Thomas fetch me a glass of wine and then put a leash on him and had him kneel at my feet.  It was a thrill to tug on the leash and tease him a bit while he read back the rules.  We both enjoyed the situation immensely.

I wanted to share this experience with you, to show an example of how Randomness can add fun to the relationship.  I encourage all of you look for ways to add variety into your relationship.

-Mz Kaylee

The 3R's of Femdom: Routines, Rituals, and Randomness

I believe that a good FLR incorporates a combination of Routines, Rituals, and Randomness.  This is what I refer to as the three R's of Femdom.

Routines
Routines make the Female's life easier and bring a structure to the relationship that adds meaning to the submissive's service.  Routines are the day-to-day tasks and expectations that the submissive lives by.  Examples include doing the dishes, making her coffee each morning, and keeping her car filled with gas.  For the Female, this makes life a little easier because she can set the expectations and let the submissive carry out the tasks for her.  Her only involvement is to motivate or discipline him if he slacks off on his duties and to praise him (if deserved) for doing a good job with the routines.  For the submissive the routines provide a structure the makes him feel controlled and meaningful.  Many men take comfort in performing routines assigned my their Mistress.  One gentleman I corresponded with told me that even when he is stressed at his work and short on time, he takes great pleasure in carrying out his routines, even if it means he has to stay up late or get up early to complete them.  He enjoys that he is doing them to serve and please his wife. 

Rituals
Rituals are more formal and purposeful actions designed to reinforce his submission to the Female.  A ritual often involves symbolic communication or actions that leave a mental imprint on the person involved.   Examples include kissing her feet each morning, Kneeling before her when she walks in the door, bathing her, or repeating a mantra each morning or night.  Even stroking his cock a certain way while he stares at his Wife/Partner can be a ritual. Rituals can be daily, weekly, monthly, or on demand.  For example, the Female can at any time demand, "Worship my feet."

Rituals have a strong mental connection and through repetition push the submissive deeper into servitude while at the same time elevate the Female to a higher status in the subs mind. Those new to rituals may find them to be strange and awkward at first.  However, I would encourage you to give them a try.  You may laugh and giggle at first but over time the ritual takes on a serious and almost spiritual tone.  Rituals are a powerful tool for affecting a subs mental state over the long term.

Randomness
I believe that Randomness is one of the most important R's and is probably the one that is more often neglected in many FLR's.  Randomness or variety not only adds "spice"" to the relationship but it also keeps the sub on his toes and uncertain about what to expect.  Rituals and routines are important but without variety, they become boring and meaningless over time.

Randomness is often neglected in any relationship because it is easy to just keep things status quo.  It is also easy to get caught up in everyday life activities and not spend time trying new things.  Another challenge with randomness is coming up with new ideas.  There are a several techniques that can be used to add variety into your relationship.

The first is keep it small and simple.  Too much spice ruins the dish but a little spice goes a long way.  You don't have to completely changed your routine.  Look for little random things to try.  Make him sleep naked for a week or wear panties out to dinner one night.  Another idea is to create a new ritual that he has to do each week for a month. 

With Thomas I like to change up his orgasm denial schedule.  Most times he goes 6 - 8 weeks without an orgasm. Occasionally I will allow him an orgasm within a week of his last big O.  Sometimes I ruin his orgasms and sometimes he gets a full blown orgasm.  He never knows what to expect.  It drives him crazy and he loves it.  For me it is a lot of fun to tease him this way.   He has admitted that when I allow him a few frequent orgasms, it makes it much harder to go back to a longer denial period.  I love that!

Randomness does not have relate to sex either.  You can take a class together such as dance or art.  You can switch cars for the day, decide to eat at a new restaurant once a month, or plan a day/weekend trip to get away.

The next technique is to plan out your randomness.  It sounds contradicting to plan randomness but the truth is that if I don't spend time thinking about it, I probably won't do it.  Some people are good at doing things on the fly but most are not.  For me, looking at things month-by-month works great.  I spend about an hour a month planning out things I can do.  I pick the last weekend of each month to do this so that I can plan out activities for the next month.  I will brainstorm a list of ideas.  I've been doing this for awhile now so I already have a list that I work from.  Each month I'll review this list and pick a few things to try.  I'll add to the list if a new idea pops up.  For example, I decided for the first week of August that I would make Thomas hand wash my panties each night.  After the week is up, I would decide if it should continue.  I also identified a weekend where nothing was on our calendar (rare find) so I instructed Thomas to plan a day of pampering for me.  Take note that he is the one planning the day and not me.  Being the Leader does not mean you have to plan everything. 

Part of my planning process includes highlighting a few ideas on my list that I want to implement.  Then throughout the month I may give them a try.  The plan I put together is more of an outline or rough sketch and not a 'must do' plan.  As the month goes by, I will do things that are not on the plan and I may not do things that I put on the plan.  The purpose of the plan is to keep me thinking about how to change things up and keep the spice going.

Often times I will do my planning while Thomas rubs my feet.  He knows what I am doing and it excites him to know that I am planning things for him while he rubs my feet.  He is always fully aroused during this time.  If I see his arousal start to fade I may tease him a bit by saying something like, "hmmm...maybe we'll go panty shopping this week," or "I haven't worn my leather skirt in awhile."  These comments always get an immediate rise out of him and get his mind spinning with wild fantasies.  I enjoy that with just a few words I can make his cock immediately stands at a attention.

Generating ideas can be challenging for some people.  To come up with new ideas you can try brainstorming. I have facilitated several brainstorming sessions in my job.  The key to brainstorming is to not analyze or think about the ideas.  Simply write down anything that comes to mind, no matter how crazy it may seem. Start with a topic and then let your mind go wild.  Topics could include things like, Chores For him, Ways to Pamper Me, Ideas to Tease Him, or New Experiences For Us to Try.  Once you are done, go through the list and pick out the items that appeal to you.

Another method for generating ideas is to read articles and blogs.  Google different topics and key words and see what you come up with.  You can also assign this to your slave.  Have him research new things to do and come to you with the top 10 ideas.  It's a good idea to give him some parameters of what to search for so that it does not turn into his fantasy list.  Do you want him to come up with femdom ideas, new experiences, punishments, etc.

Incorporating the three R's into your relationship will help keep your relationship strong, meaningful, and fun.  Routines provide the foundation and structure to keep the FLR going on a day-to-day basis.  Rituals create strong emotional imprints that mentally push the slave deeper into submission and also elevate the status of the Female.  Randomness creates fun and excitement, which prevents the FLR from fading away or getting caught up in day-to-day routines. 

I would love to hear how you incorporate any of the R's into your relationship.  Please share your thoughts, experiences, and ideas.

-Mz Kaylee

Discipline vs. Punishment

I believe that discipline and punishment should be incorporated into every FLR.  Regular discipline and punishment keeps your partner performing (serving you) at a high level.  In addition, this rigor mentally keeps him in a continual state of submission and continually elevates your authority over him.  Investing a small amount of your time in D&P will reap large rewards to you.  In this post I will discuss my views on discipline and punishment and provide some ideas to incorporate into your relationship.

First I'd like to distinguish between discipline and punishment.  Discipline can be described as systematic and regular instruction to train a person. Discipline is about learning or being motivated to do what is right.    The Mistress uses discipline to mold and train the submissive to serve her in a way that is desirable by her.  Punishment on the other hand is about reprimanding or penalizing someone for doing something that is knowingly undesirable. Punishments should only be issued when the submissive knowingly did something wrong or repeatedly fails at listening to or obeying the Mistress.

Discipline
 Discipline should not be viewed as negative or bad.  In fact, I would propose that the submissive should enjoy being disciplined.  Think about athletes who are disciplined regularly by their coaches.  They enjoy this rigor and know that it is needed in order for them to improve and be better athletes.  Similar to athletes, a submissive man will become a better husband/partner through regular discipline.

I conduct weekly discipline session with my husband Thomas.  For these sessions, he is required to be naked except for a pair of panties (I will discuss panty wearing in another post).  Thomas gets so excited that he always has an erection before we even start the session.   His mind immediately drops into a submissive state, which is exactly how I want him.

The purpose of the session is to review his behavior and performance during the week and to set expectations for the upcoming week.  We will discuss things such as how well he cleaned the kitchen, did he complete all his errands and tasks for the week, and did he have a good attitude towards me and others. I choose to have him kneel or lay across my lap.  Sometime I am sitting in a chair and sometime I am sitting up on the bed with my legs stretched out in front of me while he kneels over me. I like these positions because they are symbolic of a child being spanked by his mother.  I believe it has a strong mental imprint on him and boost my authority over him.  It also gives me easy access to both his ass and cock.

When he is kneeling over me I will grasp his cock with one hand and have a riding crop in the other while we review the week.  For good behaviors he gets a light squeeze and playful slap or rub from the riding crop.  For items that need improvement he gets a hard slap and a firm grip of his cock.  I vary the intensity of the slap based on how displeased I am with his behavior.  In most cases the slap is firm but not painful. My purpose is to motivate and not punish.  However, if he has done something that has really displeased me, he may get a painful few slap and possibly a punishment will follow.

Thomas and I have been doing this for many years and so his discipline is mostly positive.  I think it is important to continue the sessions because the positive reinforcement keeps him from getting lazy and it also maintains my authority over him.  There is a strong mental effect on him of having him lay across my lap and be disciplined weekly.  He clearly accepts my power and authority over him.  Thomas has also told me that he appreciates the feedback he gets from me during the sessions.  He wants to please and obey me and so if I am not satisfied he wants to know.  How sweet!

If you are uncomfortable with having your man lay across your lap you could simply have him kneel before you or lay next to you in bed while you review his behavior.  I believe the spanking is effective but that is your choice as well.  I do highly recommend contact with his cock during the session.  I have found that keeping Thomas aroused while we talk is almost hypnotic to him.  His mind becomes weak and he is more agreeable to what I have to say when he is aroused.

Since I have good practice with the discipline session, I pretty much know what I want to say and I know what to look for during the week.  However, this can be challenging for some people.  One idea to facilitate the discipline discussion is to create a review form, similar to what managers at a business fill out for annual employee reviews.  On the review form, list the expected tasks and attitude for the week.  Most of the tasks will be the same each week but you may have a few that come on and off each week.  Prior to the discipline session, you can rate his performance on each task.  This will provide the basis for your discussion with him.  I did this early in our relationship and assigned points to the tasks.  If he did not achieve a certain amount of points (almost perfect score), he would be punished.  However, if he continually achieved high points he would be rewarded.

My biggest piece of advice with the review form is to keep it short and simple.  The last thing you want to do is create an administrative burden on yourself.  Then it is no fun.  To save time, I would have him score himself and then I would review and either agree or disagree.

The timing of discipline is another consideration.  You may choose to do daily, weekly or monthly sessions.  It all depends on your schedule and how well behaved he is.  I would also encourage you to apply discipline outside of the regular sessions on an as needed basis.  If you come home to dirty dishes there is no reason you can't pull him aside right away and express your displeasure.

Punishment
A punishment should be issued when the sub knowingly did something wrong, has been regularly not completing tasks due to laziness, or has acted in a way that is completely unacceptable.  The purpose of the punishment is to enforce the rules and penalize the sub for not obeying.  The punishment should be unpleasant and not enjoyable to the sub.  Spanking a sub who enjoys being spanked is not a punishment at all. 

The type and length of punishment depends on the severity of the dis-obedience from the sub. The more serious the infraction the more sever the punishment. It has been said among males that the worst punishment of all is no attention from the Mistress. The submissive male craves the attention of the Mistress and craves to be controlled and dominated.  Take that away and he is unhappy.

Other punishment ideas include a hard spanking, extended orgasm denial, performing a meaningless task (e.g. washing all her shoes), missing out on something important to the sub such as "guys night out" or watching a sports game, or doing an embarrassing task.

In most cases, the sub will understand and accept the punishment knowing that he deserved it. One time Thomas spoke to me with a harsh tone.  I walked away and later that day texted him my disapproval and issued a punishment.  He simply replied, "o.k. you are right.  I am sorry."  He accepted his punishment without question.  To me, this is one of the most powerful things about a FLR.  In a non-FLR relationship, many people would end up in an argument and may not even reconcile with each other for several days.  However, in a FLR, the man knows his place and knows not to argue.  He accepts what the woman says and they reconcile immediately.

Mens' attitude toward the Mistress/Domme

I have no doubt that there will be large following of men on this blog.  Mention the word 'femdom' and they come in droves.  Therefore, I think it is only fitting that one of my first posts provide direction to men on their behavior and attitude. 

One of the most common mistakes you boys make when you first dabble in femdom is that all you think about is yourself and what you want.  It is not too surprising since porn and commercialized femdom focuses on things like leather, whips, chains, and spanking.  On most femdom forums and chat rooms a complaint among the women is all the 'cheez-ball' comments they get from guys.  I've even seen forums that have a topic that is locked for men, where women can post these comments for their own amusement and laughter.

Let me spare you from embarrassment and ridicule. Do not send your first e-mail to a Mistress asking her to spank you and order you around.  Believe it or not, she does not want to hear this from some stranger that she does not even know.  Start out with a normal introduction of yourself or make an intelligent comment about her profile or a comment she posted.  Get to know her a little bit before you dive into the kink.

When it comes to a real life relationship, your attitude should be about serving her.  What can you do to please her and maker her happy? Go out of your way to please her. If she is pleased then she will turn the focus back on you and you will be rewarded with the domination that you crave so much!  I will admit that I have over simplified this a bit.  There are many factors that contribute to a healthy FLR such as communication, respect, and trust. However, changing your perspective from 'what do I want' to 'What can I do to serve her' is a key step towards building a strong FLR.

Inspiring Women to Lead and Men to submit

My goal with this blog is to share experiences and ideas that will inspire women to take the lead role in their relationship and to encourage men to take a submissive role towards their wife or significant other.  I am a firm believer that a Female Led Relationship (FLR) results in a strong bond between the female and male and creates a healthy loving and blissful relationship.

There are many websites with information about FLR's and information on how to get started but few websites get past the basics.  I hope to provide a deeper view into femdom and the FLR with specific examples and ideas to help build a sustainable FLR.  This view will be based on my many years of experience in such a relationship as well as knowledge and view points that I have learned through others. 

I have titled my blog the Femdom Think Tank because I would like to encourage others to share experiences and ideas.   There is no one right way to run a FLR.  Each person and each relationship is unique.  What works for one person or couple may not work for another.  The best thing one can do is read as much as possible about the lifestyle and then decide what things would work for them.  If something resonates with you then try it.  If something turns your stomach sour then forget about it and move on. 

To the lovey and beautiful women out there, you are all Goddesses.  If you are new to the lifestyle or just trying to learn it then you have come to the right place.  This blog will provide practical advice and examples of FLR. Feel free to send me a note if there are certain topics you would like covered.  If you are a women who is experienced in femdom/FLR, please share your opinions and thoughts by commenting. You are also welcome to post a blog on my site.  My hope is to have different view points and ideas for readers to read.  If you feel inspired to add a blog, you may e-mail it to me and I will post.

To all the wonderful submissive men, feel free to read and comment on the blogs.  Be respectful of myself, other women, and other men that contribute to the comments and blogs.  My hope is that through this blog you will learn things to help you be a better husband to your wife or a better partner to your significant other.  Being submissive does not make you weak.  I do not subscribe to the idea that submission is mindless obedience. My submissive husband is a smart and intelligent man who thinks on his own.  He just knows his place in our marriage is at my feet and he knows that I have the final say on all matters. A man who embraces submission and obedience towards women is a happy man.  Embrace your submission and discover the joy!