Engaging in my husband's submissive fantasies on occasion and focusing on his fetishes is one way that I feed his craving. If you are new to Wife Led Marriage (WLM) or femdom, fantasy play is a great way to dip your feet into this new wonderful world and start to experiment with your husband's submission and your dominance over him. When a couple is embarking on a WLM, there is often a large imbalance between the husband's craving for being controlled and the amount of time the wife exerts control over him. His craving is much bigger and more intense than what she can give. A large part of this is usually attributed to her not understanding what to do or not being comfortable in the dominant role. Fantasy play is a great way to start bridging that gap.
In the beginning of my WLM, we planned monthly fantasy days. They helped me get comfortable in the dominant role and helped me understand his submission. There was very little domination that occurred in between fantasy days. I was just not prepared to engage fully in the lifestyle at that time. However, over time, as I became more comfortable and confident with being dominant and as I learned more about the dynamics of his submission, I began to exert control over him outside of the fantasy days and I began to incorporate rules and expectations for him into our daily life. It was a slow and gradual change but eventually (after many years) the monthly fantasy days faded away because we had transitioned into a WLM lifestyle. For couples new to the lifestyle or who are struggling to keep it going, I recommend this approach. Guys, for you, this approach can be a compromise if your wife is not engaging in the lifestyle. This is one of those times when you need to adjust your expectations and accept that domination will occur only during the fantasy times and really enjoy and savor those moments and not pester her about wanting more.
Although monthly fantasy days have faded away in my WLM, we still engage in fantasy days. They are just less frequent. Fantasy play still has a place in a mature WLM. Even a WLM can grow mundane over time. Fantasy days are a way to spice things up. A WLM is not meant to be all serious. Fantasy and fun are great ingredients for any marriage. I find that when I let loose and play into his fantasies and fetishes, it strengthens his submission to me and brings us closer together as a couple. When you engage in his wildest fantasies, he often experiences new levels of pleasure and thrills. If you have a strong intimate bond with your partner, like my husband and I do, it is easy to trust each other and completely let go of your inhibitions. The result is deeply fulfilling and intimate fantasy play that brings you closer together. It is almost spiritual. I have heard others in a WLM, including some of you who read my blog, describe the same type of closeness after experiencing and intense fantasy or domination session.
It is very easy to engage in a fantasy day. I know my husband well so figuring out what to do is not hard. For me the hard part is getting into the right mood. It is easy to get caught up in day-to-day life and not take time out for fantasy fun. That is why it is good to plan a few of these each year. Once I focus on it, I get in the mood quickly and it is fun and exciting for me too! There are also times when fantasy play is spontaneous. If the mood strikes you at anytime, go for it!
If you are in a newer relationship or just starting the journey of WLM, just ask your husband about his fantasies. A word of advice is to continually ask about his fantasies over time. Often times men are embarrassed about some of their fantasies and therefore do not disclose all of them to you initially. As your relationship grows and your husband gets more comfortable expressing his fantasies to you, he will open up more. Also, over time a man's fantasies may change so it's good to revisit fantasies. Another technique for drawing out his fantasies is to ask about them when he is horny. A horny man will open up more about his sexual desires. I find it very amusing and fun to tease my husband's cock while I ask about his fantasies. Keep probing deeper and deeper the more he talks and you will learn a lot. You can also ask leading questions such as, "do you enjoy being tied up," or "would you let me spank you?" I've discovered that the more horny my husband is and the longer he is kept in a horny state, the more bizarre his confessions become. lol! I don't get freaked out over it. Men do not think straight once their hormones run wild.
Once you know his fantasies, it is up to you to choose which ones to engage in. You have no obligation to engage in any particular fantasy of his. One of my husband's top fantasies is a three-some where he is submissive to myself and another women. That's not going to happen. There are many other that I will not do. Some of the things that I will do which he loves include putting on fetish wear, turning into strict dominatrix, spanking, inspecting his body and queening him. I've also put a collar and leash on him and led him around the house like my pet. It really is fun when you get into it! Often time I will play into his feminization desires by taking him shopping for panties, making him dress in stockings, or planning a "girls night out" with just him and I, Some of these things I may do on a typical day and not as part of a fantasy. What makes fantasy days different is that it is a day where I focus solely on his fantasy or fetish and take it to a more extreme level. It is pure fantasy and fun and not meant to be real.
Fantasy days are a lot of fun for both of us. In fact, I usually turn them into fantasy weekends and sometimes I extend some of the fantasy even longer. For example, earlier in our WLM, the only time I had Thomas wear panties was when we did fantasy play. Sometimes when the fantasy was over, I would tell Thomas that he still had to wear panties for the next week. And to think, now he wears panties 24/7! That's a good example of how our fantasy play transitioned into real life.
I enjoy doing fantasy days for my husband and I also benefit from them. As I wrote above, we bond during fantasy days. I also notice a stronger sense of loyalty and devotion to me in the weeks following a fantasy day. I can tell that he is happy grateful that I entertain his fantasies every now and then, I guess it's one way to ensure I remain the girl of his dreams :).
-Mz Kaylee
Saturday, August 24, 2019
Wednesday, August 7, 2019
Submissive Craving - Part 2
In part 1 of this post, I wrote about how strong the submissive craving is in men. The many comments logged in part 1 validates that what I wrote about is real. Thanks to those of you who contributed and provided input. I enjoyed seeing that there was also discussions within the comments among a few of you. The discussion and sharing of experiences is helpful for all of us to learn and be encouraged in our WLM journey. If you have not read the comments in part 1 or contributed to the discussion, I encourage you to do so.
What I learned from your comments is that the craving for many of you is strong, occurring daily and even multiple times in a day. This is believable to me because it is no secret that men often fantasize or think about sex/woman multiple times a day. There were a few comments on how the desire to submit started at a very early age and that it is wired into your thinking. I have heard this before from men and my husband has also confessed that he had fantasies and desires of being dominated even before puberty. Many of you talked about feeling more balanced in your life and focused on your wife when you are under her control. It is a wonderful benefit of the WLM lifestyle.
A few of you noted that this craving is not something that you can repress. I believe you and I sense that it takes a lot of self-control to keep it from becoming obsessive. It is important for women to understand this. It is not healthy for men to repress these feelings and it is destructive for the relationship if the husband is struggling internally with these feelings and not able to open up to his wife about them.
On the flip side, submissive men need to manage this craving. If you can not manage it then it becomes destructive. Guys, sometimes you need to just live in the moment and appreciate what your wife is giving you. I often see a guy post a sob story about how his wife does not dominate him but then in subsequent posts or if you read historical posts you find out that he's locked in chastity and gets spanked and so on. He does not appreciate that his wife really is dominating him and that there are thousands of guys who dream of being in his situation. The issue is that the craving is so much that submissive guys always wants more and more and when that happens, you can never be happy. I am speaking in generalizations of course. I know not all of you think that way but I am sure that many of you can relate. Those of you who learn to control it, find happiness and fulfillment and those who can't will never be satisfied.
Guys, you also need to understand that most women do not crave domination in the same way that you crave submission. Some do and if you find a woman that does, then you've hit the submissive lottery. I am not one of those women. While I have embraced his submission and enjoy it, at times I find my husband's deep submissive desires to be annoying and trust me there are lots of things he wants me to do that I will not. Over the years he has learned to manage his craving and appreciate what he has instead of always wanting more. He has learned to change his expectations for the things he knows I will not do. It does not mean he does not fantasize about them or does not still have hope that one day things could change. Even I have learned to never say "never". There are things I do today that I would never have imagined doing several years ago. However, my husband has learned to not have high hopes about those things happening in the near future (at least I think he has :). By resetting your expectations, you can enjoy and savor the things that are happening now and find pleasure in them.
Of course I know the craving is not easy to control and as I wrote earlier, it is not good to completely repress it. The more the husband and wife can embrace it together at a healthy and sustainable level, the happier and more fulfilling the relationship will become. Even in a mature WLM, where dominance and submission has become a natural way of life, the craving for more still surfaces. Just like a traditional marriage, over time the spice in the relationship can fade away. In my last post I mentioned three things that I often do to keep that from happening: Fantasy Days, Boot Camp Training, and Power Trips. I will write about those in my next post. Until then, please continue to share your thoughts and experiences on the topic.
-Mz Kaylee.
A few of you noted that this craving is not something that you can repress. I believe you and I sense that it takes a lot of self-control to keep it from becoming obsessive. It is important for women to understand this. It is not healthy for men to repress these feelings and it is destructive for the relationship if the husband is struggling internally with these feelings and not able to open up to his wife about them.
On the flip side, submissive men need to manage this craving. If you can not manage it then it becomes destructive. Guys, sometimes you need to just live in the moment and appreciate what your wife is giving you. I often see a guy post a sob story about how his wife does not dominate him but then in subsequent posts or if you read historical posts you find out that he's locked in chastity and gets spanked and so on. He does not appreciate that his wife really is dominating him and that there are thousands of guys who dream of being in his situation. The issue is that the craving is so much that submissive guys always wants more and more and when that happens, you can never be happy. I am speaking in generalizations of course. I know not all of you think that way but I am sure that many of you can relate. Those of you who learn to control it, find happiness and fulfillment and those who can't will never be satisfied.
Guys, you also need to understand that most women do not crave domination in the same way that you crave submission. Some do and if you find a woman that does, then you've hit the submissive lottery. I am not one of those women. While I have embraced his submission and enjoy it, at times I find my husband's deep submissive desires to be annoying and trust me there are lots of things he wants me to do that I will not. Over the years he has learned to manage his craving and appreciate what he has instead of always wanting more. He has learned to change his expectations for the things he knows I will not do. It does not mean he does not fantasize about them or does not still have hope that one day things could change. Even I have learned to never say "never". There are things I do today that I would never have imagined doing several years ago. However, my husband has learned to not have high hopes about those things happening in the near future (at least I think he has :). By resetting your expectations, you can enjoy and savor the things that are happening now and find pleasure in them.
Of course I know the craving is not easy to control and as I wrote earlier, it is not good to completely repress it. The more the husband and wife can embrace it together at a healthy and sustainable level, the happier and more fulfilling the relationship will become. Even in a mature WLM, where dominance and submission has become a natural way of life, the craving for more still surfaces. Just like a traditional marriage, over time the spice in the relationship can fade away. In my last post I mentioned three things that I often do to keep that from happening: Fantasy Days, Boot Camp Training, and Power Trips. I will write about those in my next post. Until then, please continue to share your thoughts and experiences on the topic.
-Mz Kaylee.
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