What I learned from your comments is that the craving for many of you is strong, occurring daily and even multiple times in a day. This is believable to me because it is no secret that men often fantasize or think about sex/woman multiple times a day. There were a few comments on how the desire to submit started at a very early age and that it is wired into your thinking. I have heard this before from men and my husband has also confessed that he had fantasies and desires of being dominated even before puberty. Many of you talked about feeling more balanced in your life and focused on your wife when you are under her control. It is a wonderful benefit of the WLM lifestyle.
A few of you noted that this craving is not something that you can repress. I believe you and I sense that it takes a lot of self-control to keep it from becoming obsessive. It is important for women to understand this. It is not healthy for men to repress these feelings and it is destructive for the relationship if the husband is struggling internally with these feelings and not able to open up to his wife about them.
On the flip side, submissive men need to manage this craving. If you can not manage it then it becomes destructive. Guys, sometimes you need to just live in the moment and appreciate what your wife is giving you. I often see a guy post a sob story about how his wife does not dominate him but then in subsequent posts or if you read historical posts you find out that he's locked in chastity and gets spanked and so on. He does not appreciate that his wife really is dominating him and that there are thousands of guys who dream of being in his situation. The issue is that the craving is so much that submissive guys always wants more and more and when that happens, you can never be happy. I am speaking in generalizations of course. I know not all of you think that way but I am sure that many of you can relate. Those of you who learn to control it, find happiness and fulfillment and those who can't will never be satisfied.
Guys, you also need to understand that most women do not crave domination in the same way that you crave submission. Some do and if you find a woman that does, then you've hit the submissive lottery. I am not one of those women. While I have embraced his submission and enjoy it, at times I find my husband's deep submissive desires to be annoying and trust me there are lots of things he wants me to do that I will not. Over the years he has learned to manage his craving and appreciate what he has instead of always wanting more. He has learned to change his expectations for the things he knows I will not do. It does not mean he does not fantasize about them or does not still have hope that one day things could change. Even I have learned to never say "never". There are things I do today that I would never have imagined doing several years ago. However, my husband has learned to not have high hopes about those things happening in the near future (at least I think he has :). By resetting your expectations, you can enjoy and savor the things that are happening now and find pleasure in them.
Of course I know the craving is not easy to control and as I wrote earlier, it is not good to completely repress it. The more the husband and wife can embrace it together at a healthy and sustainable level, the happier and more fulfilling the relationship will become. Even in a mature WLM, where dominance and submission has become a natural way of life, the craving for more still surfaces. Just like a traditional marriage, over time the spice in the relationship can fade away. In my last post I mentioned three things that I often do to keep that from happening: Fantasy Days, Boot Camp Training, and Power Trips. I will write about those in my next post. Until then, please continue to share your thoughts and experiences on the topic.
-Mz Kaylee.
A few of you noted that this craving is not something that you can repress. I believe you and I sense that it takes a lot of self-control to keep it from becoming obsessive. It is important for women to understand this. It is not healthy for men to repress these feelings and it is destructive for the relationship if the husband is struggling internally with these feelings and not able to open up to his wife about them.
On the flip side, submissive men need to manage this craving. If you can not manage it then it becomes destructive. Guys, sometimes you need to just live in the moment and appreciate what your wife is giving you. I often see a guy post a sob story about how his wife does not dominate him but then in subsequent posts or if you read historical posts you find out that he's locked in chastity and gets spanked and so on. He does not appreciate that his wife really is dominating him and that there are thousands of guys who dream of being in his situation. The issue is that the craving is so much that submissive guys always wants more and more and when that happens, you can never be happy. I am speaking in generalizations of course. I know not all of you think that way but I am sure that many of you can relate. Those of you who learn to control it, find happiness and fulfillment and those who can't will never be satisfied.
Guys, you also need to understand that most women do not crave domination in the same way that you crave submission. Some do and if you find a woman that does, then you've hit the submissive lottery. I am not one of those women. While I have embraced his submission and enjoy it, at times I find my husband's deep submissive desires to be annoying and trust me there are lots of things he wants me to do that I will not. Over the years he has learned to manage his craving and appreciate what he has instead of always wanting more. He has learned to change his expectations for the things he knows I will not do. It does not mean he does not fantasize about them or does not still have hope that one day things could change. Even I have learned to never say "never". There are things I do today that I would never have imagined doing several years ago. However, my husband has learned to not have high hopes about those things happening in the near future (at least I think he has :). By resetting your expectations, you can enjoy and savor the things that are happening now and find pleasure in them.
Of course I know the craving is not easy to control and as I wrote earlier, it is not good to completely repress it. The more the husband and wife can embrace it together at a healthy and sustainable level, the happier and more fulfilling the relationship will become. Even in a mature WLM, where dominance and submission has become a natural way of life, the craving for more still surfaces. Just like a traditional marriage, over time the spice in the relationship can fade away. In my last post I mentioned three things that I often do to keep that from happening: Fantasy Days, Boot Camp Training, and Power Trips. I will write about those in my next post. Until then, please continue to share your thoughts and experiences on the topic.
-Mz Kaylee.
Mz Kaylee, I think yours is a very balanced and realistic view. What you're saying either rings true to me or I am experiencing it first hand. My Wife too wouldn't do certain things that She knows I very much crave (to be taken anally with a large strap-on is one example) and She also now does things that She didn't not so long ago. Like You say, never say never... The reality check comes whenever I am disciplined or told to do things that I don't particularly enjoy, they are the reminders that FLR is about serving and obeying my Woman and that it was me who asked for it and that it is not (only) about sex. I agree, having the cravings under control is sometimes not easy and is quite essential.
ReplyDeleteA comment on Your Fantasy days, Boot camps etc. My Wife and I use something similar. We introduced "fuck weekends" many years ago after our daughter was born. They were short romantically and erotically charged holidays when we arranged to go away for a few days to reconnect and recharge our batteries (sex, relaxing, sex, good food and wine, sex,... and did I mention sex?). A couple of times each year. We still do it, but over the last few years they morphed into 100% FLR/Femdom events during which the D/s dynamics is on 24/7 - I am basically my Wife's slave - and my Wife gets really wild (and incredibly horny - I am horny all the time anyway). We are both hardly waiting for the next opportunity.
Thank You for keeping the blog alive.
Tom
The "Fuck Weekends" sound fantastic. We plan a few similar type weekends each year. It is so important to do that, especially when you have kids. It is a great way to stay connected as a couple.
DeleteMz Kaylee, thanks for sharing. Can you please elaborate on things that you do today that you previously never imagined doing before? Also, what are some of the things that you would never imagine doing, as of today? Each individual has her own preferences, but it would be great to hear what are yours for context. thanks
ReplyDeleteJust read my blog. Pretty much everything I write about today are things I would not have considered years ago. Cuckolding is one thing that I would not imagine ever doing in the future.
DeleteI think different people have different preferences, depending on their experiences. A previous girlfriend of mine was divorced, her ex-husband had a drink problem and when he drank he sometimes became violent. Probably as a result of this she had no interest in spanking, to her it was a form of violence. I therefore thought it was pointless suggesting any form of D/s activity. Then one day there was a report in the newspaper about a female criminal who had entered a man's home and tied him up. After she read the report, my girlfriend said she had some rope in the house, how would it be if she stripped me and tied my hands behind my back?
ReplyDeleteunderpants
"Guys, you also need to understand that most women do not crave domination in the same way that you crave submission. Some do and if you find a woman that does, then you've hit the submissive lottery. I am not one of those women."
ReplyDeleteI just think that's a really good quote from you. My wife is the same as you in this area. She is open to dominating but doesn't really 'fantasize' about it a lot. Us men do need to learn to appreciate our wives and what they do for us. There is a sense that when we fully realize this that's the biggest submissive moment because we want to kneel before her in awe and appreciation. Gratitude, thankfulness.
Like you also said, those of us with the great distraction hanging between our legs need to learn to be satisfied with what our wives do give us and temper our expectations. I have been unhappy PLENTY of times with how much or in what way my wife was dominating me and the vast majority of those times the problem was with me and my attitude.
This was an insightful post as always. I don't think I'm alone in wishing that all of us submissive men could be in the same room and kneel in thankfulness as a group to all of you women together. Thank you for what you do for the community!
Glad to hear you understand my message. I know it's easier said than done. On the radio today I heard a woman talking about happiness and that people need to learn to pause and live in the moment. It made me smile to hear that after writing my post.
DeleteMy wife told me prior to our marriage that she knows her role will not only be wife, but "Mommie" and I looked at her and laughed, not much, but a little. She said you will understand, and left it at that. It was a good six months later I learned what she meant by "Mommie". I for a couple of weeks was out with the "boys", acting like I was single. On a Saturday morning getting up late, I came to the kitchen and saw a large hairbrush on the table. She said very little except I will now learn what she meant by Mommie. She told me to take off the pajmas and get over her lap I thought it was a joke and some sexual thing, I did. Well I learned quickly she had a strong grip and that hairbrush stung like hell and I was pleading for her to stop. I was soon kicking, squirming saying I was sorry. She stood me up, told me to face the wall and best call her Mommie, since Mommies spank naughty little boys. An half an hour facing the wall was told to come to her, she scolded me, explain this was not the last spanking and then to my shock told to get back over her lap and slowly I did. When she finished I was told to put back on the pajamas, will wear them the remaining day and will learn that if I wish to be a little boy, a naughty little boy, then she will be the Mommie, and apply the hairbrush soundly to my bare bottom. All I could say was Yes Mommie, Yes Mommie.
DeleteI have had this strong desire, learned to keep it under control, thankful to the blogs available. What I did learn was women have a way of knowing. I was dating a woman a few years older, it was maybe almost a year that out of the blue she mentioned spankings, I said nothing at first, but then opened up. She was understanding, understood, and just said we will see. It was about a month later, came back to our place late from work and said we needed to talk. I saw the chair in the middle of the room, a hairbrush and looked at her. She took the hairbrush, sat down and i stood before her, my pants, underpants were quickly pulled down and when I got off her lap I was rubbing, dancing around. Is that what you wanted, I looked at her and nooded. It hurt does it not, I nodded still rubbing. Get dress she said and your taken me out to dinner. I squirmed, could not help it. That night in bed, she rubbed my sore bottom, admitted it felt good to give a spanking. I hugged her very tight and thank her. That was not the first or last spanking she said while we hugged.
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I are going on 8 years of our WLM this month and we celebrate our anniversary by going out for a nice dinner. I will have to say there are things that we do together in the bedroom that I would have never imagined before we began our WLM she has a way of keeping things fresh but at the same time she has no problem putting me in my place when needed which is rare but when she does I will always thank her. We openly talk and understand that she is the alfa in the relationship and I am the beta. We both embrace our roles in our marriage and couldn't be happier. Thanks for your blog I always look forward to your next post. R R
ReplyDeleteMy spankings are punishment, but my wife loves me very much. My desire to be spanked hurt many a relationship and now that I have found such a woman I have become a better husband, lover, carer of my wife. I when dating and finally the subject of spankings came up she was not taken back, but she did say, you might not like a trip over her lap. That first spankings was a shock, her mother was coming for a visit, my attitude was not that good and when I heard the words, to the bedroom young man, I froze. She gave me such a look I was soon in the bedroom, My rules young man, understand, Yes Mam I said. Off with everything Now she said and i did as told. She smiled seeing my erection, not for long, and I was soon over her lap. She had given me several good spanks with her hand and asked how I like the spanking, it hurts I said. Good she said and then I felt something hard and looking back it was her hairbrush. After several I said enough, no more. I'll decide and when she did finish I was a mess. Allowed to put on my underpants I learned that she was not done. I was standing facing the wall when her mother showed up. Good she said to her daughter, you listen to me, about time. Let's see how red, and down went my underpants and my red bottom was on display. They talked, I said nothing and when she left my wife told me to get dress. She then laid the rules out for me, I said yes to all. I took her out to dinner, of course I was squirming. She told the waitress that I was spanked, and then added men are just little boys. The waitress smiled and said very much so.
ReplyDeleteHello Mz Kaylee
ReplyDeleteAs always , I enjoyed your recent posts and comments on the male cravings for submission. This post illustrates that as a dominant wife and landmark author of the lifestyle you well understand the often hidden but real desires of submission that men harbor . As you know from my many comments in the past, I admire your blog because of the the positive effect it has on women who have experienced the failings of traditional marriage and are searching for a better way. I wondered as I read your post if women reading the blog understand that the off on play nature of what you describe is actually part of the problem that frustrates most men. I absolutely crave submission but I find that acts of dominance are mere scenes built around my desires. These efforts or scenes obviously demonstrate my wife’s desires to fulfill my needs but over time they become mundane and exhausting for her . Do the scenes fulfill my cravings ? Absolutely….. but the moment she moves our of the scene and back to reality the magic is lost. The cravings begin anew and the need for self control is even greater.
I am suggesting that women need to learn to rest in the privileges of the lifestyle rather than working at fulfilling his cravings with temporal scenes of dominance . It is the essence of dominance found in daily life that men crave ! Men want and desire that all powerful woman that they find in the scene. Why not bring that woman of power and privilege out of the bedroom and into real life by changing the dynamics of her thought patters to fulfill her desires rather than his. This can become real by putting away all notions of fairness in daily life and presenting herself as a woman of royalty rather than a pawn to fulfill his desires. I would suggest starting each day with a disposition of power letting him fulfill his submissive desires with acts of service and NEVER doing deeming household choirs! I know this might seem insignificant in the moment but the act defines who you are. It is likely that she will also find that by taking the same attitude and disposition out of the home that men will sense her superiority and yearn to be in her presence.
What I am suggesting is really pretty simple. He will need all the energy of his cravings to fulfill her life of privilege. His cravings of submission will be validated moment by moment rather than by unrealistic fantasy play. The dynamic of the fantasy play may even reverse over time as an intense validation of her dominance that is real and might actually test his commitment to submission.
Take care,
John Dalton
A great vision John. Changing ones perspective or experiencing a paradigm shift makes all the difference. I wish it was as simple as you say. It's not an easy shift to make when you've been trained all your life to think one way. One can not pick up a basketball and suddenly know how to play the game. It takes lots of training and practice to learn and build confidence to play a good game. Of course, the other challenge is not everyone wants to play the game. Nonetheless, I like your vision and hope that more women can make the transition and live like Queens. We deserve it :)!
DeleteI found your wonderful blog a few days ago. So I'm reading everything from the beginning. More as this will take, I wanted to ask you a question! Do you practice bondage, ropes, sense deprivation etc, these things? And also wanted to know what you think of having a cage at home for confinement and discipline of the slave husband?
ReplyDeleteI do not practice any of the above. I have done light bondage on a rare occasion for fun. Regarding the cage, I see no issue with it as long as it is used in a healthy and safe way. It certainly holds a lot of symbolism that adds to the domination dynamic. It can be fun and powerful at the same time.
DeleteMy girlfriend is not into bondage very much either. However a year or two ago we met a femdom couple through an online ad and they came to visit us one day. They brought some of their gear with them and the husband spent part of the afternoon hooded and with his hands chained behind his back. They said they have a set of stocks in their cellar, sometimes the wife locks him in the stocks for a few hours as a punishment.
Deleteunderpants
Wanting to be spanked and getting a spanking I learned is totally two different things. I craved a spanking, came close but she backed off. I did not push it, she was a little older and I loved her too much. A friend of her was visiting one morning, I knew, I was told to be sure I was wearing a robe or dressed. I walked into the kitchen in just my underpants, said hello and got a cup of coffee. She looked at me, said nothing at first, then asked if I forgotten, I smiled said No, just getting a cup of coffee. She then said you have not met my good friend, I said hi, and then was told her husband is spanked, something you've been wanting. I said at one time and was leaving the kitchen, I felt a grip on my arm and it was the friend. Let see how you like a spanking young man, I said What and before I knew was over her lap. Here my friend said and handed her a hairbrush, Thank's and if you don't mind the friend said, not at all, my underpants were not only down but off and laying on the floor. No way in hell I said and then she applied the hairbrush. I squirmed, told her to stop, but she continued. Think you can do this she asked my friend, I think so. I was stood up and told to get over my friends lap and I did so. Boy that hairbrush hurt and I was soon a total mess. I danced around the room, rubbing, until told to stop. I'll get dress now I said, No you won't, you stand there, hands at side, no rubbing, or talking. I did as told. Finally her friend left and I was told to get to the bedroom. I told her I was sorry, would not do it again, she smiled, I know you will not and said let me finish your spanking. Oh please I so, no more, I sore enough. She pulled me across her lap, spanked me soundly and I learned to listen to her, and that this was only the first spanking and would be more.
ReplyDeleteHello, this blog is very good. I am so happy to see so many people with this lifestyle! I'm reading all of it.
ReplyDeleteWe are from Brazil, I am married to my Dona to 11 years. We live a FLR 24/7. I see that here in Brazil there is not much knowledge about this way of life.
Very little information on the subject here. And the misinformed think it is simply banal sadomasochism. And that makes me angry. More what to do? I try to know as much as I can. Talking to people who understand how magical this world of FLR is, this wonderful relationship.
I am completely submissive to my wife. Within our FLR, the many bdsm practices involved. In addition to being very happy with them this helps in randomness to have more options. Some of them are, I wear a chastity belt, I usually sleep tied up and in a diaper, sometimes as at your feet, in housekeeping I often have a nipple clip that I can only remove after they are finished. And many more things if you want later I can talk more or send photos. I have pictures of our routine without sexual content only my life as your slave.
If you want you can also visit my
FetLife
https://fetlife.com/users/8385193
Interesting that your partner objected to you wearing just underpants when her friend was visiting. My girlfriend has no problem with that, in fact she once sent a friend of hers a picture of me in my briefs. I was glad I had some nice black ones on at the time!
ReplyDeleteunderpants
My desire was so strong that I was at a lost for what to do. It was hurting no one, just had this strong desire to be spanked, never could give a real answer as to why. I was single, nice apartment, would drop in and visit an older lady below in her late 50's and socialized around the pool. I looked at spanking magazines, masturbated, and was a way to control my desire, save, not hurting anyone. A particular Friday night, I was enjoying my magazines, laying in the tub, and stroking away, and did not hear the lady from below come in. Naughty little boy she said with a smile. I looked, said nothing and laid in the tub. Out young man she said, and I did as told. Very, very naughty boy you are. Now finish what you started and I did nothing, she reminded me I was naked, and so I did as told and soon I finished. She handed me a bath towel, told me wrap it around my waist and with a grip we went downstairs to her place and to her bedroom. She saw my look, you could only hope, but I don't with naughty little boys and before I knew I was across her lap, the towel on the floor. I spank naughty little boys and she started with her hand and then it was the hairbrush. I kicked, squirmed, pleaded and she not stop. Finally she did stood me up and had me sit on her lap. She took hold of my limp penis and said I better not catch you playing with this young man and I said yes Mam. She then told me to get back to my apartment and she would be there shortly. I stood and waited until she came, she shocked me, she gave me a bath, and then said she wanted all those magazines and I did as told. Get to bed she said, we have more to talk about in the morning.
ReplyDeleteWe’re not all like the commenters who you publish. Some of us have strong sexual fantasies around female dominance, but when we see what an FLR looks like, it is sad and depressing. Reading about how you treat your husband makes me wish I never had this interest in the first place. I would be so profoundly unhappy to be in his place. Yet, we undoubtedly share some of the same fantasies. Making them real as he has done would destroy them for me.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your viewpoint. The lifestyle is not for everyone. I agree that sometimes fantasies are best left as fantasies. I would not advocate that anyone participate in a relationship or lifestyle that leads to unhappiness. Our experience with WLM has been filled with fun, excitement, and love and so for us it has been fantastic.
Delete