Engaging in my husband's submissive fantasies on occasion and focusing on his fetishes is one way that I feed his craving. If you are new to Wife Led Marriage (WLM) or femdom, fantasy play is a great way to dip your feet into this new wonderful world and start to experiment with your husband's submission and your dominance over him. When a couple is embarking on a WLM, there is often a large imbalance between the husband's craving for being controlled and the amount of time the wife exerts control over him. His craving is much bigger and more intense than what she can give. A large part of this is usually attributed to her not understanding what to do or not being comfortable in the dominant role. Fantasy play is a great way to start bridging that gap.
In the beginning of my WLM, we planned monthly fantasy days. They helped me get comfortable in the dominant role and helped me understand his submission. There was very little domination that occurred in between fantasy days. I was just not prepared to engage fully in the lifestyle at that time. However, over time, as I became more comfortable and confident with being dominant and as I learned more about the dynamics of his submission, I began to exert control over him outside of the fantasy days and I began to incorporate rules and expectations for him into our daily life. It was a slow and gradual change but eventually (after many years) the monthly fantasy days faded away because we had transitioned into a WLM lifestyle. For couples new to the lifestyle or who are struggling to keep it going, I recommend this approach. Guys, for you, this approach can be a compromise if your wife is not engaging in the lifestyle. This is one of those times when you need to adjust your expectations and accept that domination will occur only during the fantasy times and really enjoy and savor those moments and not pester her about wanting more.
Although monthly fantasy days have faded away in my WLM, we still engage in fantasy days. They are just less frequent. Fantasy play still has a place in a mature WLM. Even a WLM can grow mundane over time. Fantasy days are a way to spice things up. A WLM is not meant to be all serious. Fantasy and fun are great ingredients for any marriage. I find that when I let loose and play into his fantasies and fetishes, it strengthens his submission to me and brings us closer together as a couple. When you engage in his wildest fantasies, he often experiences new levels of pleasure and thrills. If you have a strong intimate bond with your partner, like my husband and I do, it is easy to trust each other and completely let go of your inhibitions. The result is deeply fulfilling and intimate fantasy play that brings you closer together. It is almost spiritual. I have heard others in a WLM, including some of you who read my blog, describe the same type of closeness after experiencing and intense fantasy or domination session.
It is very easy to engage in a fantasy day. I know my husband well so figuring out what to do is not hard. For me the hard part is getting into the right mood. It is easy to get caught up in day-to-day life and not take time out for fantasy fun. That is why it is good to plan a few of these each year. Once I focus on it, I get in the mood quickly and it is fun and exciting for me too! There are also times when fantasy play is spontaneous. If the mood strikes you at anytime, go for it!
If you are in a newer relationship or just starting the journey of WLM, just ask your husband about his fantasies. A word of advice is to continually ask about his fantasies over time. Often times men are embarrassed about some of their fantasies and therefore do not disclose all of them to you initially. As your relationship grows and your husband gets more comfortable expressing his fantasies to you, he will open up more. Also, over time a man's fantasies may change so it's good to revisit fantasies. Another technique for drawing out his fantasies is to ask about them when he is horny. A horny man will open up more about his sexual desires. I find it very amusing and fun to tease my husband's cock while I ask about his fantasies. Keep probing deeper and deeper the more he talks and you will learn a lot. You can also ask leading questions such as, "do you enjoy being tied up," or "would you let me spank you?" I've discovered that the more horny my husband is and the longer he is kept in a horny state, the more bizarre his confessions become. lol! I don't get freaked out over it. Men do not think straight once their hormones run wild.
Once you know his fantasies, it is up to you to choose which ones to engage in. You have no obligation to engage in any particular fantasy of his. One of my husband's top fantasies is a three-some where he is submissive to myself and another women. That's not going to happen. There are many other that I will not do. Some of the things that I will do which he loves include putting on fetish wear, turning into strict dominatrix, spanking, inspecting his body and queening him. I've also put a collar and leash on him and led him around the house like my pet. It really is fun when you get into it! Often time I will play into his feminization desires by taking him shopping for panties, making him dress in stockings, or planning a "girls night out" with just him and I, Some of these things I may do on a typical day and not as part of a fantasy. What makes fantasy days different is that it is a day where I focus solely on his fantasy or fetish and take it to a more extreme level. It is pure fantasy and fun and not meant to be real.
Fantasy days are a lot of fun for both of us. In fact, I usually turn them into fantasy weekends and sometimes I extend some of the fantasy even longer. For example, earlier in our WLM, the only time I had Thomas wear panties was when we did fantasy play. Sometimes when the fantasy was over, I would tell Thomas that he still had to wear panties for the next week. And to think, now he wears panties 24/7! That's a good example of how our fantasy play transitioned into real life.
I enjoy doing fantasy days for my husband and I also benefit from them. As I wrote above, we bond during fantasy days. I also notice a stronger sense of loyalty and devotion to me in the weeks following a fantasy day. I can tell that he is happy grateful that I entertain his fantasies every now and then, I guess it's one way to ensure I remain the girl of his dreams :).
-Mz Kaylee
A very good post! My partner and I sometimes have fantasy sessions similar to yours. She has also collared and leashed me and tied me, but her favorite is where she is a woman in authority over me (schoolmaam, elder sister, babysitter etc.) and disciplines me for misbehaving. We met a DD couple in real life who said they began by acting out fantasies. In their case it was always spanking. The wife said she noticed that when her husband had been spanked he was more devoted and submissive, so she now uses spanking to control his behavior. At the slightest sign of disobedience it's pants and underpants down and across her knee for a good paddling!
ReplyDeleteunderpants
Well, OK, but doesn’t that mean the spankings are now harsh and punitive to the point where he doesn’t enjoy them? If so, does he ever get spankings he can more easily tolerate and enjoy?
DeleteI have seen others describe this same evolution to DD, but I have never understood how it does not just become miserable and destroy an otherwise fun fantasy for the man.
Great examples underpants. Thanks for sharing some real life experiences. In response to the above comment,spankings do not have to be harsh to be effective. They are often more symbolic than physically harsh. Many submissive men desire to be controlled in this manner and feel a deeper sense of submission when being spanked and therefore it is not a miserable experience. Certainly if the wife was constantly giving unpleasant spankings it could turn into a miserable situation but it does noy seem like that is the situation here. Harsh spankings should only be used for big punishments and not minor infractions. I am not a big fan of corporal punishment. I prefer other methods such as taking away privelages.
DeleteCertainly, if that is the case, I get it. However, I have read many accounts of DD practitioners, and— without exception—the corporal punishment has been described as very harsh. That is where I have the disconnect when someone is initially excited by and drawn to it (as I am).
DeleteWhat an EXCELLENT post. Your husband is a very lucky man.
ReplyDeleteI second the notion that your husband is a lucky man!
ReplyDeleteBut I am as well - my wife has also indulged my submissive fantasies and, over time, blossomed in becoming a dominant wife. And it has brought us closer than I could have imagined.
We began with male orgasm control, and then naked chores, then f/m spanking. As 'treats', I've been collared and tied and tickled.
Although I'm certainly not 'indulged' as much as I'd like, I'm sure so many couples would benefit if they could work their way to an place like ours, and yours.
Oh, and as far as your husband's fantasy of a three-some where he is submissive to you and another women - I absolutely agree!
There are several of my wife's friends I'd be more than happy to serve with drinks and dinner... and then let them indulge their disciplinary side... and then thank them with oral pleasures. As you note, probably not going to happen, but maybe someday...
CK
So nice to hear about your journey into submission. Sounds very similar to ours. Different details but a similar path. Thanks for sharing and I hope to hear more from you going forward.
DeleteThankful that one can control a fantasy, that what I thought for a long time. I had my stash of hidden magazines, and had it under control. I met this woman, very business like, very serious, but very understanding. A year after we started seeing one another the subject of sexual needs, desires, fantasy came up. She started the conversation and when she mentioned that her fantasy was being the head of the household and using spankings to control her husband. I said nothing, thought it was interesting and then made up something when she asked. A couple of weeks later she made a comment, a spanking would do me good, I just looked and said nothing and changed the subject. I wanted to be spanked, but knowing it could happen, I held back. I had partied hard and the next morning I could tell she was not happy a all about it. She said very little during breakfast, and then told me we needed to have a talk. I said I was sorry, would not happen again and she said she knew it would not happen again and told me to stand up. Over here she said, stand before me and I did. She pulled my pajamas bottoms down and then said over her lap. I slowly did, and knew I was going to get my wish. Well she gave me a very sound spanking, and when I thought it was over and told to face the wall, I felt good, and relieved. She left the room, told me to come to her and I saw the hairbrush, now for the real spanking she said and sure enough I was kicking, squirming, pleading. When she stood me up I quickly started to rub, I was limp, she pointed that out. It was a couple of weeks later, Friday night and watching TV she said she wanted to show me something. She found my stash of F/m magazines, and also brought a towel. Undress she said sternly, I pleaded not be spanked, she smiled, undress. I was erect and told to kneel on the floor and start masturbating and best not miss the towel. Talk about a spanking that really hurt and having to masturbate, the worse, but I felt so good inside. We are now married, spankings continue, the only difference is each and every spanking I must undress, masturbate, and then endure a very sound spanking.
ReplyDeleteWhat begins as a fantasy, can sometimes become a permanent reality. I once made a joke once to my wife that as a submissive husband that it should sometimes be my responsibility to change her tampons during her menstrual cycle, but I thought it was so absurd that she would never go there. It has been two years now, and about every 29 days I know what 'job' is coming my way again. She loves it because she does not have to deal with the used one, then I wait while she showers, and have the new one ready. This of course occurs only when the need arises at home. It also became my responsibility to be sure they are always available in her house, and at times I am the one buying them.
ReplyDeleteWhat are your thoughts on this Mz Kaylee? Do you think this is reasonable, or somewhat on the sick, and twisted end of the scale? My wife is very content with this, and I had no choice but to accept, and get used to it. I hope this comment is not too over the top, but it IS my reality now, and likely will be for quite a few years into the future.
I hope You do not mind me respondin Robert. I don't find anything sick or twisted in what you do. For us submissive males it is all about caring for, servicing and pleasuring our Dominant Female partners, is it not? We get sexually aroused by being allowed or told to perform such intimate acts of devotion. That's how I feel about it. If I were you I would express my gratitude to your wife for trusting you with something that some Women (in my experience) are embarrassed to even talk about. I would also encourage Her to feel free to ask for whatever personal service She would like you to do on regular basis or otherwise. Let me give you examples of what I do regularly or at least semi-regularly to and for my Wife. Every day I hand-wash Her bra and stockings (when She wears them) and clean Her shoes. I wash Her delicate panties, clean Her toilet, buy all Her lingerie (I know what She likes and what I like), buy all Her shoes (I accompany Her when She's shopping for new footwear to assist Her with choosing and trying). I do full pedicure for Her, massage and worship Her feet and body (I cannot do this without erection), I shave Her legs and Her privates when She asks for it. And so on. I must say I still get excited by it all. I am not hard all the time, but initial erection is almost always there and none of it is even sexual, but I find it erotic in some way and I love it. Now in bed, She is my Queen and Mistress in all possible ways, Her wish is my command, both figurativelly and literally. I wouldn't have it any other way and neither would She anymore...
DeleteRobert - it is not something I would do but every couple is different and has different things that appeal to them. I do not judge what others do as long as it is consensual and done in a manner that is safe and healthy for the couple.
DeleteAs you said last time, some fantasies are best left as fantasies. I have some fantasies which I like thinking about, but which I would not like to act out.
ReplyDeleteIn one of them, my girlfriend canes me severely as punishment on a regular basis. I do not like severe caning and this would be real discipline.
In another fantasy, I am a captive in a prison run by dominant women, kept naked apart from a chastity cage and frequently bound and blindfolded.
It is nice to think about these fantasies sometimes, but like I said, I would not like to act them out in real life. My most common fantasy is much less extreme: I am a male who often makes sassy remarks to his girlfriend and promptly gets his bottom swatted. Wait a minute, that's not a fantasy, that's real life!
underpants
I don't know. I think the prisoner fantasy could be a fun reality for you :)
DeleteI am very interested in the concept of increased devotion after some of this kind of engagement. I feel I find this to be the case with my husband as well. Something "happens" to him when I fully engage his submissiveness. It is like he becomes totally focused on me but in a good way.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. It is a wonderful thing! Keep engaging...
Delete"Something "happens" to him when I fully engage his submissiveness. It is like he becomes totally focused on me but in a good way."
ReplyDeleteAn interesting comment, J. The wife in the DD couple we met told us something similar. The spankings she gives her husband are not at all severe, she never uses a cane for example. The effect is more psychological. He has been SPANKED! On his BOTTOM! Even when it does not hurt very much, the mere fact of being disciplined this way is enough to make him submissive and devoted.
underpants
My secret fantasy was a woman spanking me in little boy pajamas and having to call he Mommie, since Mommies spank naughty little boys. I got the nerve when asked after making love with this older woman that question. Being naked, nothing to hide I told her, she shocked me, said nothing to hide. A week later she said she had a present for me, little boy jammies, I look, stunned and she smile and said, put them on. I did and she said I looked cute, just like a little boy. It what was to come to took me also by surprised. She said I had been a naughty little boy, and so was going to be spanked and go to bed early. I said what did I do and said my attitude was bad. Told to stand before her she took down the bottoms of my jammies and told to get over her lap. She gave me a very sound spanking, reminded to call her Mommie until told other wise. When the spanking was over I was sent to bed early. The next morning she asked if I liked it, and I admitted I did. Good she said, because when I tell you to wear those jammies, you have been a naughty little boy and Mommie spanks naughty little boys. Yes Mommie I said. Our sex life was still great, our relationship just got stronger and even though her spankings really hurt, I for some reason felt good in my jammies knowing Mommie was going to spank me and put me to bed early. It really comes down to each one of us have a fantasy and to be able to have it happen, and understood, that is a gift that all should receive.
ReplyDeleteHi Mz. Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the post. I have fantasized about what really amounts to your lifestyle, i.e. a WLM. My wife indulges from time to time and we have a sort occasional, part time WLM which varies mostly with her mood. I have read most of your blog and find it to be probably the best I have seen on the subject. Objective, sound advice, grounded and fun!
All that said, I have two comments. I think a 24/7 WLM may just be a fantasy for me. In other words if she did soddenly decide this was happening I'm not sure I am that submissive. If she was resolved, and really proficient I think I would be powerless (more or less) to stop her. Which is my fantasy, but there is a lot of sacrifice for the submissive and I am not sure the payoff is there. Would like to find out though.
The second comment is to thank you again for the post. My wife is indulgent at times and slowly increasingly so, especially now the kids are almost out of the house. I need to be grateful for what I have and will work on that in my self talk. I love my wife and appreciate her so.
It is interesting how sexual hormones of a man can be channeled to serve a woman. If more women understood this concept, than the old ways of withholding sex as a weapon might fade and women could gain more control. In my opinion women have much more potential control than they think. Most just do not come by that part intuitively. I think women have been oppressed for so long the collective conscious and conditioning of females is such that they really struggle with sexuality and specifically the topic of this blog.
Alright, love your blog and hope you are well.
Take Care,
KL
I totally agree with your post Karl and the way my Wife and I engage in FLR is similar to what you are describing. My guess is that maintaining a 24/7 FLR must be very difficult in real life. My Wife and I sample it a couple of times every year on short holidays. It is... very intense, exciting and demanding (both sexually and otherwise), but it would interfere too much with real life obligations if it was going on 24/7 outside holiday time. As it is, these bursts of intense an complete FLR work like a charm, they bring us closer and charge us with fresh energy. And we hardly wait for the next opportunity. Meanwhile, a much lighter version of FLR with Her strict sexual control keeps reminding me of my submission and keeps me perpetually horny and hopelessly pussy-whipped and devoted to my Wife.
DeleteKL - thanks for the comments and I think it's great that you indulge in the fantasy occasionally. It's interesting that you think of 24/7 submission as a sacrifice. My husband views it as a fantasy come true. I guess it all depends on perspective. Your comment about the payoff has merit. Giving attention to the subs needs and desire is important to keep him motivated and happy.
DeleteTom - It does take work to keep a WLM going 24/7 but it does not need to interfere with real life obligations. A WLM is not intense and demanding 24/7. That would be too much for anyone! It's more of a mindset that the wife is in charge and always has the right to make final decisions and that the husband's focus is on pleasing her. To an outsider our daily life is pretty normal and we can go weeks without intense femdom interactions. It's amazing how WLM can integrate into your lifestyle and just be your natural way of doing things.
DeleteThank you for responding Mz Kaylee. I agree, what you are saying is roughly what I meant by contrasting our 24/7 intense FLR/Femdom holidays (when I am basically my Wife's slave) to everyday's lighter version of FLR where "normal" vanilla life is mixed with my submission to my Wife's needs and desires. Some elements are always present and enforced, like the complete ban on my masturbation and any self pleasuring activities and several regular duties that I am expected to do without being told. I also must always ask for permission to stay out late. Right now I am grounded until Thursday for some minor slacking on my promises on Saturday. I honestly forgot, but it was my fault and I got instantly scalded and disciplined. And got aroused by it, as usual, I couldn't prevent it, even though it was not a sexual act in any way.
DeleteVery realistic and helpful Mz Kaylee, thank you.
ReplyDeleteI had dated an older woman, our relationship started as being friends and over time went further. I learned alot from her, and one such was being open especially when it comes to desires and fantasies. As we became more than friends my desire to find a woman who would spank, but also be my lover, I one morning, laying in bed she said, what do I think about, she reminded me we were naked and nothing to hide. I looked at her, not knowing how to answer, started playing with her breast, and she playfully spank my bottom, tell me she said. I finally did, she shocked me, she understood. A week later, Saturday morning, I stepped out of the shower, she was standing there, time to address some of your behavior young man and that is when I got my first adult spanking. She was serious, it was a sound spanking. We dated for another year or so and then she introduce me to a person my age. The three of us talked, this person was told of the spankings and I dreaded her response, she would not do that. She smiled and said all males are just little boys and so the woman must not only be the lover but the Mommie. My older friend smiled, and then to my shock this woman my age said we need to have a talk in the bedroom. She smiled, pulled a chair out, I stood before her, she pulled down my pants, underpants, I popped out. Not for long young man she said over her lap I went. When she finished I danced around, I had kicked off the pants, underpants, went to put them back on. Leave them she said and get back to the front room. I did as told, my older friend smiled, said I was loud and then admired my spanked red bottom. Face the wall I was told and I did so quickly. This woman my age we got married six months later, live not far from the older woman. Spankings are given as punishment, always bare bottom, and sometimes I must undress and stand before her naked while she scolds me. The worse spanking I got was when she found my magazines. I came home from work, there were on the table and I was soon naked, pleading and told to masturbate. I felt so foolish, but the spanking she gave hurt like hell and sitting was hard for several days. I love her, our marriage is strong and she has brought new meaning to getting a spanking. I do as told, no question.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for sharing your opinions, fantasies, and experiences. I am enjoying reading through the comments. I have replied to a few of them above. For those of you posting as anonymous, it would be helpful if you signed your post with initials or a name. This way if you post multiple comments, we have context as to who is posting. Thanks!!
ReplyDeleteI think that minor episodes can sometimes be very memorable. A few months ago my girlfriend said she was unhappy at the idea that I might be masturbating when she was away. I had read about male chastity devices on the web, so I suggested that we buy one. She agreed with the idea so I said we could go to a local sex shop together and see what they had in stock. She did not want to go to the shop with me however, she said she would be embarassed talking with a male sales assistant, so I went there alone.
ReplyDeleteIt turned out that the sales assistant was a middle-aged woman, and she was very friendly and helpful. When I said I was looking for a chastity device, she asked if I was going to wear it myself and whether it was for long-term use. I explained that my girlfriend wanted to prevent me indulging in "certain activities" when she was out shopping etc. The saleswoman smiled and said "Very sensible of her." She suggested an inexpensive device which she said would be good enough for my girlfriend's purpose. If she later decided to keep me in chastity long term, we could come back and buy something more expensive.
While she was wrapping it up she saw me looking at spanking paddles and asked if we needed one. I said no, we already have one and a wooden hairbrush too. She smiled again and said "Your girlfriend obviously knows how to keep you in line!"
Although I was only in the shop for few minutes it made an impression on me. The saleswoman could simply have advised me in a cool professional manner, but judging by the way she reacted, she clearly approved of my girlfriend locking me into chastity and spanking me. I don't know if she is dominant herself, even if she isn't, she clearly has no problem with the idea of female domination.
underpants
Dated older women for a time, enjoyed the mature aspect. We all have desires that are kept hidden. This one particular woman who ended up introducing me to the person I was married, lived below me at the apartments. We hit it off, age difference did not matter, 10 years or so, we had fun. She would mention that sometimes she felt the need that a spanking would do me good, I would laugh, at my age and it was dropped. We were visiting her best friend, lived in a small town, spent a week. Well I did something stupid, my friend looked at me, and her best friend, said the bedroom would be a good place to talk. I thought nothing of it, went to the bedroom, we were talking when her friend came in, handed her a hairbrush and left. A very stern voice told me I best bare my bottom, I was getting a spanking, I said what. Well her best friend came back in and soon I was bare bottom over my friends lap and feeling the sting of the hairbrush. We continued to date, until she introduced me to someone my age. I did not know this person knew I was spanked. I said something wrong on one of our dates, thinking I blew it and once I got her back to her place was invited in. She came right out and knew I had been spanked. She then said she was going to do the same. I looked at her, said nothing. She pulled a chair to the middle of the front room, I stood before her, she lowered my pants, over her lap I went and then she pulled down my underpants. Standing before her after she finished, rubbing, she said get use to it, when we get married I will be in charge, understand, I looked at her and said Yes. We have been married six years, the spankings happen when needed, and yes my older friend knows, approves, has seen the spanking, and afterwards. She bought my wife a nice large wooden hairbrush and I dread that when I'm know I'm getting a spanking. Jack
ReplyDelete"Coming Out" more and more are showing who they really are. The need to hide oneself is becoming a part of the past. This male has finally gotten the nerve to come out, as a "sissy" male, one who wishes for a woman to be in control. I've spent many hours looking at F/m magazines, videos, playing with myself. It is sexual and it is not. Finding a woman who understands I shall say was a difficult search. A year after seeking such a woman to be my wife I found such, but at the time did not know she too was looking for a man to control, one who needed such. We dated, I kept hidden my desires, she did to. When it happened, I was relieved and afraid. She found my magazines, videos, I thought I had hidden. She was watching a video when I came home from work, I could say nothing. Showing me the magazines, asked if there were anymore I said yes and got them. All were thrown in the trash and said she was too mad to address it at this time. Thankful it was a Saturday and I thought I was safe from her anger. Breakfast was quiet until she mentioned yesterday and I finally broke down and told her what I wanted and was looking for. Well she said, she too was looking for a man who would listen to her and obey her. She stood up, looked at me, sternly said, welcome to your new life, and told me to get to the bedroom and quickly. I said nothing, in the bedroom she picked up her hairbrush, told me to undress and have hands at side. Erect, scared, she scolded me like a child. Then she said to address my erection and she went and got a towel and I knelt on the floor stroking it, until I cum. I'm sorry I said, she said I will be shortly. I went over her lap and yes I was sorry, when the spanking was over I was a mess, rubbing, dancing and saying how it hurt. Good she said, now face the wall. Fifteen minutes or so past and was told to come to her. She said to sit on her lap and slowly I did. Is this what you want she said, feeling my warm bottom. Yes I said. Was it how you thought it would be. No, it really hurt. Good she said, the next one will be worse. She told me the new rules of the home, we shocked me when she said we will be going to the justice of the peace to get married, I smiled, kissed her. The spankings I masturbated too in real life are so much more. I feel so much relief and even though they really hurt I know I need them. I face the wall each and every time, not always naked, mostly bare from the waist down, yes erect, but now the spanking takes care of that. I came out of the closet, this male was looking for a woman who would spank him, control him, love him. I always sit on her lap and facing the wall, I'm limp, I squirm, and she hugs me, kisses me, and ask if I'm going to be good, I say yes, then I'm sent back to face the wall. Life is good, even though my bare bottom is warm, stinging and very red.
ReplyDelete