Motivating Your Husband

It is our responsibility as the leaders in the relationship to motivate (and train) our husbands to perform to our expectations and behave in a positive manner with a positive attitude. I know some of you are thinking that a submissive should be self motivated to do these things. That would be ideal but let's face it, that is not reality for most people and even those that are self motivated need some reassurance and encouragement every now and then.

If you want to get the most of your Wife Led Marriage (WLM) or Female Led Relationship (FLR) then you need to invest time, on an ongoing basis, into leading and motivating your husband. The good news is that the time you invest will pay off in dividends to you. When he is properly motivated, you can live like a Princess or Goddess. My husband is properly motivated and I do live like a Goddess and it is fabulous! Think of it this way: Instead of spending your time doing chores and things that you do not enjoy doing, you spend a fraction of that time motivating him to do those things for you. Then you get a lot more free time on your hands and you have him pampering and serving you 24/7. In the end you are living a higher standard of life while, he is living his submissive dream. It is a perfect harmony when everything fall into place. Sounds too good to be true but I can attest that with a little commitment and time from you, it can happen!

To motivate your husband to obey and serve you, focus on the positive and not the negative. A mistake newcomers often make is that they focus on punishing to get good behavior. Guys are often to blame for this approach because that's what they think they want and then they persuade their wife into taking the approach. A submissive guy gets very excited and aroused when he is being controlled by a women and under her power. A wife is exerting a high level of power and control when she punishes her husband and when he yields to her punishment it is a clear sign of submission and as strange as it may seem, that extreme power exchange is a thrill for submissive men. When you understand this, it is not surprising that men seek out punishment or think they want to be in a relationship that is highly driven by punishment. In their silly minds, being punished and yelled at is the only way they know how to experience submissive pleasure. They are wrong!

For a marriage or serious relationship, the punishment approach does not make sense because it encourages the husband to be bad in order to get pleasure from a punishment or it results in the wife looking for ways to punish her husband, which contradicts the idea of a loving relationship. It is also easy for women new to the lifestyle to fall into the trap of punishing their husband in a way that is not really a punishment. For example, if the husband gets a thrill out of being spanked, then a spanking is not a punishment. A punishment should be unpleasant and a deterrent to bad behavior. It is ok if he gets aroused from being punished (for the reason I noted above) but the punishment itself should not be something he enjoys. Punishment should be used for bad behavior, not small corrections r fr his plessure. If your husband is a good submissive then punishments should be rare. The end goal in a WLM/FLR is to train and mold your husband into someone who happily serves you according to your expectations and who rarely needs punishment.

Perhaps some of the guys right now are nervous about what they have read so far because they enjoy that power exchange that occurs during punishment, even if it is not a true punishment. Fear not guys, for the power exchange can still be achieved and in a much more positive dynamic. Rather than focusing on punishment, a wife should focus on rewarding and encouraging her husband to behave in a manner that she desires. She can do this while still being strict and exerting power and authority.  There are several ways to do this, which I explain below.

Regular Discipline Sessions
In my opinion, conducting regular discipline sessions is the most effective tool for motivating your husband because the sessions not only motivate him but they provider clear feedback and direction for him to continue to serve you the way you want him to. Discipline sessions are not meant to be a bad thing or a punishment. A punishment can be issued as part of a discipline session if warranted but the overall purpose of a discipline session is to provide training and/or positive and constructive feedback. A discipline session is a great example of how the wife can exert power and control in a positive way. For example, taking your husband over your knee to spank him is very powerful and puts him in a submissive and vulnerable position that for many men is very exciting. If he has been good, then the spanking can be more playful with a few firm swats to reinforce important items. Some people refer to these as maintenance spankings. I don't do these as often as I used to but when I did regular spankings with my husband his cock was always hard when I took him across my knee.

Discipline session do not have to be spankings. What I described above is just an example of how it can be done. I currently have a weekly ritual, that is a form of a discipline session. Each week he kneels before me and we discuss his behavior for the week and then he spends time in the corner. It can be hard to commit to weekly sessions but if you can it is very effective at keeping your husband motivated and doing good. I recommend at a minimum that you conduct discipline or review sessions on a monthly basis. This is a technique that will significantly improve your WLM/FLR and is well worth your time.

The Quick Tease
This is a fun and easy way to motivate. If he is doing something good, such as vacuuming the room without being told, while he is doing it, give him a little cock tease through his pants and tell him how pleased you are at what he is doing or simply say "good boy." I like to tease Thomas until I start to feel him getting hard and them I stop. Sometimes I will tease a little longer to let him enjoy the pleasure. I use the quick tease technique in bed also. When we are lying in bed I will reach over and start to tease his cock. Once he is hard, I will tease him for a few more minutes and tell him how I am pleased with his behavior and tell him to keep it up. These short bedroom teases are like petting a cat. I can almost hear him purr with comfort as I am petting him. lol!  

I use the quick tease technique very frequently. Thomas enjoys the teases and they make his chores more enjoyable.They also help to keep him in a state of constant arousal. Submissive guys are at their best when they are in this state.

Playing into his fetish and fantasies
If he has been a good boy for you, then why not reward him by indulging in one of his fetishes or fantasies. For most submissive guys there are so many fantasies to choose from. With my husband, just about anything that smells of domination or kink drives him wild. I've come to realize he is quite the "pervy" slut. I can literally order him to worship my ass with his tongue and he will love it.  So a reward from me might go something like this:

"Thank you for washing my car today. Since you did such a nice job, I will allow you to worship my feet. Strip naked, get on your knees and start licking!" 

Or something like this:  "you've done a great job keeping up with your chores this month. I want you to go shopping and treat yourself to a few new pairs of panties. You can model them for me tonight."

I love the irony of the last one. It is quite a mind game for him to be rewarded with something that is so embarrassing. A new pair of pretty panties as a reward for a guy. Pretty funny! 

It's been my experience that the deeper you delve into a fetish or kink, the greater it motivates him. When I plan a night or weekend that is centered around his fetish or fantasy and really get into the 'role play' and domination it turns into a very intimate and bonding experience for us and for the next few days or weeks his submission and obedience to me is extremely high. These moments are also very memorable and I believe leave a lasting impression on him that deepens his submission to me. Many couples do not explore kinky activities and say it is not needed. It is true that it is not needed in order to have a successful WLM/FLR but I think you are missing out on incredible experiences and memories if you don't give it a try every now and then. I will admit that it is sometimes hard for me to do this. It take a bit of effort for me to get into "kink" or dominatrix mode and it can feel weird or silly at first. However, once I get into the role play, the weirdness passes quickly and it is always fun and exciting for me. When you open up to each other and really explore those kinks, you experience a vulnerability and pleasure that is thrilling, mind blowing and very fulfilling. Men fantasize constantly,especially about their fetishes. When you take the time and effort to make their fantasies come true, they really appreciate it and enjoy it and therefore they become highly motivated to please you out of both appreciation for making their fantasy real and out of hope that by continuing to please you, they will be rewarded again with more fantasy play. Take your WLM/FLR to an exciting level by using his fetishes and fantasies as a motivator. 

Giving him the punishment he wants!
If he wants to be punished or reprimanded then make that his reward. Turn into the dominatrix of his fantasies. The big difference here is that you can feel good about doing it because it is fantasy play and not a real punishment. If you want to make it more real, then become the super strict wife for a night or weekend. Keep him under tight control and make sure he can do no right. Why not give him a list of chores to do and then afterward, lead him around by his cock or a leash and criticize his work. Give him a nice little swat on the butt for each item that is not perfectly done. He will certainly feel your authority in this scenario and the good thing is that it might even improve how he does chores in the future!

Assigning Tasks
Believe it r night, assigning tasks can be a motivator for submissive men. They trick is to do it in a dominant and commanding way so that he knows he is doing the tasks out of obedience to you. The motivation with this technique is that by you exerting commanding authority over him, he gets aroused and excited to follow your orders. You can accomplish this by giving him several tasks to do over a period of time and being very specific about how you want the tasks done and giving him deadlines to complete them.  Using a commanding tone is also important. It also adds to your authority by having him in a submissive position, such as kneeling or naked, when you are giving the orders. One of my favorite ways to give tasks to Thomas is to leave a note on his bureau for him to read, which gives detailed instructions on what he is to do for the day and what he is to wear. It's so funny that he is usually sporting an erection by the time he is done reading the note.

A fun twist is to require him to wear something special while doing the tasks as a reminder that he is your slave. My favorites are having him wear a cock strap, butt plug, and hand picked pair of panties. All three of those worn together and he knows he is under my control. Once I got creative and tied a pink ribbon around the base of his cock so that every time he went to the bathroom, it reminded him of his place. The "Assigning Tasks" technique is a great way to motivate without exerting too much effort so it's good to use if you are busy or just not in a mood to be overly dominant.

A gift and Word of Appreciation
Let's not forget the vanilla way of doing things. Giving your husband a gift or simply giving positive appreciation such as "Thank you," "you are doing great," "I am pleased with you," "I love that you are my slave," and my favorite, "Good boy," are also a nice motivators.  It's human nature to want to be appreciated. When a person is appreciated, they feel good about themselves and it motivates them to continue to do good, especially for the person that gave the appreciation. Even submissive men who crave strict authority and humiliation, feel good when they receive appreciation from their Goddess Wife. There is nothing wrong with the wife showing appreciation by buying a gift for her husband, such as tickets to a sporting event, or item that he has wanted. Many submissive husband's are kept on a strict allowance and so it can be a special motivator when his wife buys him a gift.

I use all of the above motivators with my husband and they work great. The techniques I use the most frequently are discipline sessions, quick teases, and assigning tasks. The other items I use on occasion to motivate him and when I do they are very effective. How and when you use these motivators makes a difference in keeping him motivated and there are also other factors that affect his motivation. I will discuss more about these items in my next post. In the meantime, please feel free to share your thoughts and what motivators work for you.

-Mz Kaylee.