Using Your Motivators

In my June 12th post I identified a few ways to motivate your husband to obey you and keep up with his chores and service to you. As reminder, the motivators I shared were: 1) the quick tease, 2) conducting regular discipline sessions, 3) playing into his fetishes and fantasies, 4) giving him the punishment he wants, 4) assigning tasks and 5) a gift and word of appreciation.  In this post, I'll discuss ways to apply those motivators. How and when you apply the motivators will vary depending on what you are trying to accomplish, how your husband responds to motivators, and the maturity in your Wife Led Marriage (WLM).

In a newer WLM, motivators play a role in training the husband and getting him to perform in a manner that the wife desires. This typically involves breaking the husband of habits that are either bad or undesirable to the wife and creating new habits and routines that the wife desires. In the early stages of this transformation, motivators provide incentive and encouragement to change. A wife may choose to motivate using the "stick and carrot" approach in which she dangles an incentive in front of her husband in order to motivate him to do something. For example, she may tell him that if the dishes and kitchen are cleaned to perfection every night during the week, then on the weekend she will allow him an orgasm as a reward. Those who incorporate chastity devices into their relationship will often tie his release from chastity to good behavior. 

Rewards can also be tied to earning points. The wife can assign both positive and negative points to tasks and behaviors and when the husband achieves a certain number of points, he earns a reward. He can accumulate points to earn even bigger rewards. The challenge with this approach is that it can be cumbersome or time consuming to monitor and track points. I actually tried this approach in the past, where I reviewed my husband on a monthly basis and graded him on his performance. However, it did not last long because I just didn't always pay attention to how he was doing things. It was too much work for me to monitor and grade him so this approach did not work for me but it may work for you. Sticking with the same analogy as above, another approach is what I would call "eating the carrot on the stick," and this is where the wife keeps the husband aroused during the chore or task so that it becomes enjoyable for him. Ideas for doing this include giving him quick cock teases while he is working, having domination play or foreplay prior to the chore so that his arousal is heightened, or  making him wear things while working that stir up his arousal such as a butt plug or panties.

In the approaches above, as the husband gets into a routine of doing the desired chores or behaviors, the wife can lessen the use of motivators and eventually stop them all together once the habit is formed.

In a more mature relationship in which the husband fully embraces his submission, is well trained, and truly takes pleasure in serving his Queen, the carrot and stick approach is not needed. She simply trains him on what to do or tells him what to do and he does it. Discipline sessions or feedback are used to ensure he continues to do what was requested and at the standard she expects. That is how it works with my husband and I now but I have used the carrot and stick approach early in our WLM and I still use the eating the carrot approach from time-to-time just for fun and to help keep him focused. I do get a laugh when my husband tries to negotiate a "carrot" with me. Every now and then, when he is desperate for attention (very horny), he will try to negotiate with me, that he'll do whatever I want or buy something for me if I'll give him a 'tease' session.  The silly boy does not even want an orgasm; he just wants to be teased. I laugh and tell him that I control the money and can buy anything I want and that he does whatever I want anyway so there's no negotiating.

Another way to motivate is to give him a reward after good behavior has been done as a form of appreciation. The husband should never expect a reward. He should always be serving out of obedience and the desire to please the wife. However, the wife can decide to show appreciation for good behavior by employing one of the motivators. This helps keep the husband happy and wanting to serve the wife. If the wife regularly(not necessarily frequently) indulges in his fantasies, fetishes, and submissive desires as a form of reward, it motivates the husband to continue to please and serve her at a high level. If you think about how people are motivated at work and in every day life,  the concept of this approach makes a lot of sense. The people at work who you want to help the most and who you are most loyal to are the ones that show genuine appreciation for what you do or the ones that can have the most positive impact on your day or future (e.g. the ones with power and influence). In work life people are also highly motivated by money and promotions. In the submissive world, men are motivated by sexual pleasure and being able to feel that wonderful deep submissive feeling that comes from being controlled by a woman. The extra benefit in a WLM, is that certain rewards of appreciation also deepen the husband's submission to the wife. For example, a wife who indulges in her husband's fetish will motivate him and will also push him deeper into submission and deepen his loyalty to her.

As mentioned in my previous post, regular discipline sessions are also good motivators. While these sessions are not tied to the completion of specific tasks, they are a powerful and fun feedback mechanism that allows the husband to understand how he is performing. The key to using this motivator is to have the sessions frequently (weekly or monthly) and to keep the sessions centered on providing feedback or training and not fantasy play. Both appreciation and critical feedback can be shared in these sessions. Having clear and regular feedback helps the husband stay focused on serving the wife at the highest level of service and keeps him out of trouble. People become highly motivated when expectations are clear and they know where they stand with their superior. When expectations are not clear and there is uncertainty, it causes stress and leads to poor performance. This is a common problem in many marriages and in WLMs submissive men often feel frustrated or depressed when there is a lack of expectations and the wife and husband are not on the same page. Having regular discipline or feedback sessions is a great structured method for solving the communication problem. In addition, the nature of the discipline session creates a power exchange between husband and wife that elevates her power and pushes him deeper into submission. Having this power exchange regularly, cements the hierarchical structure in the relationship. Hopefully you can see how powerful and effective discipline sessions are. They provide feedback, training, motivation, and they strengthen the submissive-dominant bond. It's a 4 for 1 return on investment!

When using motivators, be cautious not to overuse them. As mentioned above, you do not want the husband to always expect a reward when he does something for you. A well trained husband is self motivated to serve and please you. His pleasure and motivation comes from pleasing you and seeing you happy. It usually takes many years of training and self-discovery for a submissive man to consistently achieve this state. Even when they achieve this state, motivators are still effective and can add excitement and renewed energy to the relationship; they are just not needed as much. I want to clarify that if the wife enjoys the "motivator" activities then she does not need to limit the frequency of doing them. She is the one in charge and can indulge in those activities as she desires. When she indulges for he pleasure, it is not a sign of appreciation and not a reward, but rather a special privilege for the husband.

I encourage all of my fellow Goddess wives to use motivators in your WLM. They will keep your husband working hard for you and will help you achieve a higher standard of living. Please feel free to share what works for you.

-Mz Kaylee