On the Seventh Day of Christmas My Mistress Gave to Me....

Fill in the blank: 

On the 7th day of Christmas my Mistress gave to me:

Seven _________

Six Whips-a-Flaying_

Five Gold O Rings

Four calling Bells

Three French Cut Panties

Two Blue Balls

And a Paddle in a pair Tree!!!

I will pick a response to move on to the next round......

Follow-up post to "How Has Your FLR Progressed?" (Guest post by Buttercup)

Below is a post that was submitted to me by Buttercup, a Female leader, in response to my post earlier this year, asking how everyone’s FLR has progressed over time. It is wonderful and enlightening to hear other peoples real life experiences with FLR. Thank you Buttercup for sharing.  -Mz Kaylee 

 

It was just over a year ago that my BB (Bitch Boy) asked to move our interludes playing with a FLR into a 24/7 lifestyle.  In many ways it was an unknown destination that had been part of our 25 year marriage for a long time. Yet, it was still a shock to both of us to take the step and make the commitment. The longest we had gone with BB in chastity prior to this request was 8 months.  It had ended in a heated argument and extreme frustration on both our parts.

 

BB’s sexuality has been the driving force behind our early adoption of chastity as play and now the FLR.  I would say that up until a year ago my greatest contribution has been a willingness to participate in dress up and role-play scenes without (too much) judgement of his submissive mindset.  I never identified myself as dominant but some experimentation took me out of the submissive camp early on. But our play always revolved around the “fantasy.” His – not mine.  Me in corsets, and heels – teasing and denying him right to the edge. And then repeat.

 

It has taken me a long time to really wrap my head around the concept of a FLR.  There were many reasons for this but primarily:

1) it was always “play” and didn’t really extend to me having full control over anything

2) in “regular” life, BB has a very forceful, type ‘A’ personality that created certain dynamics in our relationship that aren’t easily set aside

3)I am, by nature, a giver and want to do for others. Demanding service from BB has required a significant mind shift.

 

Nevertheless, after two years of Covid and on the cusp of having teenagers ready to leave the nest, both of us were taking stock of what we wanted for the next phase of our life.  This was part of the lead up to the conversation of adopting a full time FLR. This may also be the right point to interject that monogamy as a concept was never something I fully understood or embraced.  BB’s absolute disinterest in any form of discussion on the subject boxed it into the fantasy category but a restlessness persisted in me – especially during the doldrums of child rearing.

 

It was a game changer that, when BB approached me about a full-time FLR, he acknowledged that full-control extended to my sexual exploration as well as his. If I wanted to take a lover, for example, he would have no choice but accept it. In my eyes this raised the stakes and levelled the playing field.  Finally, I could truly see something truly in it for ME. 

 

Now, since that time, I’ve realized that an FLR offers many things for me.  But that was definitely the hook.

 

A year later we have made a lot of progress turning our FLR into a workable lifestyle. We still have one child at home so our shifts have had to be subtle and often behind closed doors.  There have been a couple heated blow-ups but both of us agree that there is no “going back.” We can only continue forward in whatever form our relationship takes.  BB freely admits he is better under my control. And I, as his Queen, continue to broaden my control and flex my power while exploring the outer edges of my personal boundaries.

 

There are ebbs and flows to this dynamic like any relationship. But, our FLR is a constant topic of discussion between us.  What’s working, what’s not?  How do we manage it when one of us is away? How to keep BB in a submissive mindset? How often does he get to orgasm? What is the role of punishment and discipline? And of course, what about moving into a non-monogamous lifestyle (for me anyway)? I’ve decided that non-monogamy is something we’re not quite ready for.  There are too many kinks still to work out in our day-to-day FLR but it’s an exciting possibility on the horizon.

 

This move to an FLR has made us both feel like we’re embarking on a brand new relationship – even though we’ve been married for almost half our lives. The problems that we have, feel like good problems instead of a tired rehashing of the same marital conversations.  We have more honesty now with each other than at any other time of our relationship and our sexual chemistry has only gotten better. 

 

As BB’s Queen, the next 25 years will be under my control.  This is my world now – he just gets to live in it.

-Buttercup

Behavior Modification-Purposeful Talking

As promised, this is a follow-up post on behavior modification. In this post I share my experience with  a new training project that I have done with my husband. If you are a regular reader of my blog, you may remember that I regularly enforce no talking days. The reasons for no talking days are to remind him of my control over him and to give him regular time to reflect on his submission to me and how he can better serve me. I also enjoy the quiet time. During no talking days, if I ask a question, he can respond, but it has to be short and to the point. He can text me questions or information and he is allowed to ask for permission to speak or ask a question if he feels it is something important.

The no talking days have not been super successful as it is hard for him to not talk all day. He often forgets, and I also forget to enforce it. He is definitely much quieter on the no talking days, but it is far from being an actual no talking day. We've been doing it for several months now, and he's getting better but nowhere near as quiet as I want him to be. He admitted that it is hard for him and he joked that he needed to be conditioned or trained not to talk. Now I've learned that when a sub jokes about something, it's usually his way of saying that he really wants it to happen. Challenge accepted! I decided to put a plan in motion to train him not to talk on "No Talking Days." Furthermore, I decided to train and condition him to not waste my time with useless information and to only speak to me on a regular basis about things that are purposeful to me and add value to my day.

The Training Plan

My plan was pretty simple. The best way to keep him from talking is to force him not to talk. To accomplish this, I purchased a ball gag and adult pacifiers. I wanted him to be comfortable, so I did not order a traditional ball gag because I've read where they can be hard to wear for a long time.  Instead I ordered one that is small and similar to a pacifier. I also ordered adult baby pacifiers, incase the ball gag was not comfortable. I also thought the humiliation aspect of using a baby pacifier, was a perfect way to tap into his submissive mind.

After the items arrived, I planned a night to spring the whole training program onto Thomas. I was actually very excited about putting the plan in motion and I knew it would completely surprise and excite Thomas. It was a Wednesday night when I told Thomas that I wanted him to serve me in sissy panties for the rest of the evening. I sent him off to the bedroom to change. When he returned, the first thing he noticed was that I had laid out a ball gag and two pacifiers on the end table next to the chair I was sitting in. I could tell he was surprised and excited. He asked with hesitation in his voice, "oookaay. what are those for?"

I smiled and ordered him to kneel before me. By the time his knees hit the floor, his hard cock was straining against the silky sissy panties. I said, "You told me you needed to be conditioned not to talk and so that's what we are going to do.  Your training begins right now."

The look of surprise was still on his face.  All he could say was, "oh...yes Goddess."

As I strapped the gag around his head, I told him that with his mouth gagged he would have no choice but to be silent. Once secured, I spent a few seconds admiring him gagged while he looked up at me quiet and silent. I told him that I liked how it looked on him and asked if he was comfy. He nodded his head yes. I told him that under no circumstances was he permitted to remove the gag. The gag would come off when I decided. If he was uncomfortable or felt he needed relief from the gag, he would have to seek permission from me to remove it and only I could remove it.

I explained that the gag he was wearing would be the trainer gag and that he would be wearing it quite often over the next few days to condition him to be present with me without talking. He would have to learn new ways to communicate if he needed something. Then I pointed to the two pacifiers and told him that after his ball gag training, the pacifiers would be used to continue his conditioning of learning to be silent. I didn't say anymore about the pacifiers. I like giving him little teasers like that as I know over the next few days his mind will go wild with fantasies on how I might use them. 

For the rest of the night he wore the gag while we watched Netflix together. I was fully dressed and he was in his silky sissy panties. Every so often I would order him to fetch me a glass of water or to do things for me. He obeyed without hesitation. I also teased him quite frequently through his silky panties. I was enjoying doing all this without him being able to talk. At one point, I even pulled the waist band to his panties down slightly and kissed and sucked on the tip of his cock for several seconds. This was something I rarely ever did, even before WLM. It was a total shock to him that I did this and I enjoyed that he could not speak about it. I was making sure that his first night gagged and silent for me would be a pleasurable and memorable night. When it was time for my bedtime, I ordered him to the bedroom and had him kneel before me after he fetched my pajamas and put them on me. I told him that it was time for the gag to be removed but that I still wanted him to be silent. He was to not say one word to me the rest of the night. When I removed the gag he looked up at me and smiled. I could tell it was torturous for him not to talk but he remained silent and went off to do his nightly tasks while I went to sleep.

The next day, I asked him how his mouth felt. He told me it was fine and he thanked me for what I was doing and was excited about his training. I let him know that we would take a break from the gag for the day but that we would do morning training the next day (Friday) and over the weekend.

More Training

Friday night after dinner, I had him kneel before me in his panties and I put the gag on and just like Wednesday, he quietly served me, and I teased him throughout the night. I also had him massage me with the gag on. He was very cute in that a few times he had questions for me and so he either texted me or wrote something on a paper for me to read. I got a little laugh out of it. When I removed the gag, I reminded him again to be silent but this time I ordered him to pleasure me with his tongue. I had an amazing orgasm and he of course was denied any orgasm. My fellow Goddesses, I have to say it is quite enjoyable being massaged and pleasured without a word peeped from your man! It's like he's your own personal sex toy.

On Saturday morning, I had him wear the gag for a few hours in the morning while he made my coffee and breakfast and did a few chores. The great thing about the gag, is that the physical appearance of the gag was a reminder to me also. It reminded me not to ask him question unless I really needed something.  When I did ask questions, it was fun having him reply to me by writing his answers down.   I removed the gag for lunch and let him know that he would not have to wear if for the rest of the day and it was ok for him to talk, but that he should keep his talking to a minimum. He did ok for most of the day but there were a few times that I had to remind him to quiet down because his talking was not necessary. He clammed up each time without arguing.

A Full Day of Silence

Sunday was his big test. He wakes up before me on the weekends to start on chores and get my coffee and breakfast ready. I left instructions for him on his bureau to put the gag on himself as soon as he woke up. In the instructions I let him know that he was not going to wear the gag all day but that it would still be a full silent day for him. I enjoyed waking up and seeing him already gagged as he moved about the house. I made a few teasing comments to him about how much fun the silent day was going to be. His cock responded immediately to my teasing, growing hard and poking out of his robe. I laughed at how weak he was.

He had a few errands to run for me later in the morning and so when the time was ready, I sat on the couch and had him kneel before me so that I could remove the gag. Before removing it, I reminded him that he was not to talk at all when the gag was removed. When I removed it, he stared up at me silently. He was so cute. I leaned down and kissed him on the cheek and said, "You are such a good boy for me. Now go and do your errands for me."  Once again his cock was hard.  I love how easily I can get his arousal going. I left the gag off for the afternoon until he had a moment of weakness. He did good at being quiet for the most part, but at one point he asked me a question. I gave him a scornful look and he knew immediately he broke the silence rule. He said, "sorry." I shushed him right away and said "no talking slave."  Then I told him to follow me.  He quietly followed me to the couch and I sat down and ordered him to kneel. The gag was sitting on the table next to the couch. I picked it up and secured it around his head again and said, "You will learn."  Then I ordered him to stay kneeling for 10 minutes as a punishment for talking.

At dinner time, I removed the gag to allow him to eat. He did not have to wear it again until later in the evening when I wanted a massage. He did not talk at all in the evening but I wanted him to be gagged for my massage. I enjoyed  seeing him gagged as he massaged me. I teased his cock occasionally throughout the massage, making sure he stayed fully aroused. Then I verbally teased at how I really wanted him to pleasure me with his tongue, but since he was gagged he couldn't. I told him that it was his fault since he was so weak and needed to be gagged to train him how to not talk on silent days. I teased that until he learned to be a good silent slave for me, his tongue would not be getting much action. Then I ordered him to pleasure me with his fingers. I could tell it was torture for him because he could not kiss my nipples or give me oral. At one point I had him lay on the bed and I sat on his chest and teased him more at how it was a shame he could not use his tongue on me. I told him, "Let's see what we can do with this gag." Then I moved forward and began to hump his face over the gag. I was very aroused by now and so it felt good rubbing across the gag and his nose and I was able to bring myself to an orgasm by humping his face. 

The Next Week

Thomas left me a nice note on Monday thanking me for training him and telling me how exciting the night before was for him. He was in complete submissive mode. For the second week, I reduced the amount of time in the gag. I was testing him to see if he could remain quiet on his own during the times that I designated as silent times. The first was on Thursday night after dinner. I made him wear the gag for 1-hour and then told him he was not allowed to speak for the remainder of the night. He obeyed perfectly.  Sunday was the next test. I had him wear the gag in the morning for 3 hours.  When I removed it, I explained that the goal was for him to not speak a word all day and that if he succeeded, we would proceed to the next phase of his training, which involved the pacifiers. Not speaking any words for a full day is a difficult goal to achieve. It is not something I would not expect him to accomplish on an ongoing basis but for training purpose I made it an important milestone for him to achieve. I also told him that if he failed to remain silent, the gag would go back on and he would have another week of training with the gag. I felt this was a strong motivator for him for two reasons. First, I could tell he was growing tired of the ball gag. Like many things, it is exciting when first introduced and when used on occasion, but when used on a regular basis the excitement fades away and it becomes burdensome or uncomfortable. Secondly, I knew his submissive mind was excited about being forced to wear a pacifier and so he was motivated to get to phase 2 of his training.

Fortunately for him, he succeeded in being quiet. He became good a using notes and texts to communicate with me when needed.  "When needed" was an important part of his training. Had he sent me notes or texts that I thought were not important, his training with the gag would have been extended.

In my next post I will share what I did for the Pacifier Training.

-Mz Kaylee

  

Punishment Can Arouse - and Still Work (Guest Post by Trina)

Let me start by saying that It has been great to see an increase in comments on the blog and that there are new people commenting and more Females engaging in the conversations. I hope the activity in the comments continues to grow. Whether you are new to WLM or experienced, I encourage you to comment and share your experiences, questions or thoughts. The discussions in the comments often lead to great insights and ideas that others can apply to their own relationship. Hearing from others also helps to validate that WLM is real, is beneficial, and that you are not alone in your quest. Thank you all for your continued engagement.

Having said all that, I am very pleased to publish another post from a Female. In this post Trina, addresses an issue that I am sure many women new to WLM struggle with - "why punish if he gets aroused by it?" It is something that I questioned early in my relationship. A post like this would have helped me many years ago. Thank you Trina for sharing your insights and advice on this important topic. -Mz Kaylee

Punishment Can Arouse – and Still Work

By Trina

My husband is a spanko, so he loves everything about getting spanked except the severe pain during the spanking itself. And yet I effectively use spanking as a punishment, even though he is aroused immediately beforehand and soon afterwards – and he is aroused when he thinks about an upcoming punishment or one that has happened, either recently or long ago. 

Like most dominant wives, I initially believed that punishment needed to be completely separate from sexual activities or feelings, and I tried hard to make that happen. After all, if it turned him on to be punished, wouldn’t he act out on purpose in order to receive punishment? And wouldn’t that negatively impact our WLM/FLR? It certainly would seem so. But as I will explain, that has not turned out to be the case.

As a lifelong spanko, my husband had one basic need when we were dating and deciding whether to have a serious relationship: Spanking needed to be a regular part of any relationship for him. As a switch, he didn’t much care if he was the spanker or the spankee, as long as somebody went over somebody’s knee at least once a week. As a divorcee who had lived a vanilla life, I knew that I wanted to be dominant and use spanking to keep my husband in line. So I told him (and showed him) that I was going to be the spanker and he would need to be satisfied with that. I also told him that the spankings would not be play; they would be real punishment and I would expect them to work in terms of improving his behavior.

I was fearful that he would enjoy my punishment spankings, so I took steps to prevent that: I spanked him severely, to the point that only a true masochist could enjoy it. I forbid any sexual activity after a spanking. I stayed fully dressed during his spankings. I bared his bottom but did not let him be naked. I refused to spank him in our bedroom. I sometimes made him masturbate to completion beforehand so he couldn’t get an erection during the spankings and so the spankings would be more painful.

None of this worked. When I announced a spanking, he would have an instant erection. Yes, I would “spank him soft,” and he definitely would not be enjoying the punishment. But afterwards? He would be hard very soon and he would want to service me orally, which I wanted too but was refusing him in order to try to keep the punishment separate from sex.

At the same time, the punishments improved his behavior. Whatever I spanked him for, he made a renewed effort to obey my wishes. And he was not misbehaving on purpose in order to get punished. This seemed extremely paradoxical to me: How can spanking work as punishment when you love it so much? Punishment is something you should want to avoid, and that desire to avoid it is what improves your behavior. That is reasonable and logical … but not how my submissive male’s mind works.

At first he couldn’t really explain it when I tried to talk to him about it. He would just say, “I’m a spanko, I believe I was born a spanko, I’ve always been one and I will always be one, and that’s all I know.” But as we continued talking about it and I continued thinking about it, a glimmer of understanding began in my mind – helped by his response to other punishments and by our new program of orgasm denial.

As a spanko, he definitely did not care for other punishments: corner time, writing lines, forbidden to watch sports on TV, going to bed early, not sharing my bed, and the one he hates most: being grounded from going out with his buddies. And yet, when I announced any of these punishments he got the beginning of an erection, which he sometimes maintained during the punishment itself. Even when I did the thing he hates absolutely the most – made him call his buddies and tell them that his wife would not allow him to join them (as I listened and giggled) – he often would be hard throughout the phone call!

This was also demonstrated when we started a program of orgasm control. I had not planned on orgasm denial in my marriage. I quite enjoy sexual intercourse (PIV), and particularly mutual orgasm (on the rare occasions when it happened). I never wanted to give that up, and I had begun training him to try to wait for me and then to orgasm with me. He actually was quite good at lasting a long time. His issue was not coming too fast but that sometimes he had trouble maintaining his erection. That was a bit surprising to me for a man in his 30s (at the time) who claimed to find me so arousing. Then I found out why: He was looking at spanking porn and masturbating regularly! Even though I was spanking him weekly as he desired!

That infuriated me. I was deeply offended. He promised to stop, but he would always go back to it. It was truly an addiction, one that he had had since a teenager, and even getting regular spankings wasn’t enough to stop it. I told him it had to change. Eventually he suggested a chastity cage to me. I love his cock and didn’t want it locked away. But I agreed to try it.

Of course it worked for masturbation control. Without the ability to touch himself, he didn’t much care for looking at porn, either. Then we began to notice what many other wives on here have noticed: He enjoyed having his orgasms restricted, especially when I would tease and deny him. Since I have always liked playing with his cock, this became a mutual pleasure. Now I play with him quite regularly in the evenings when he is doing chores for me. I love getting him hard, then sending him off to do a chore, and then when he has to report for inspection seeing if he is still hard. I consider it a compliment to me that he is so aroused by my dominance that he can stay hard throughout a chore! Like other men on here, he says that being teased and denied and allowed very few orgasms is actually better sex than we he came whenever he wanted. A paradox … but one that is clearly proven by the behavior of our submissive husbands!

So, I finally realized a similar paradox: that punishment improved his behavior even though he was aroused by it. I saw that he was very aroused by me scolding him and issuing punishments – by me being dominant and “forcing” him to be submissive. So it wasn’t just spanking that turned him on; it was being controlled by a dominant wife. But that did not mean that the punishments were ineffective. On the contrary, the more I bossed him around, the more obedient he became. There was no way that he was not going to be turned on by punishment and my dominance. So why should I expect that?

It has taken me a while, but I actually have come to the conclusion that arousal can enhance the impact of punishment in terms of improving behavior. I know that may be a controversial conclusion that is different from many wife-led marriages, and I hope that other women will comment.
Trina

 

Unorthodox Corrective Treatments (Guest Post by Edward)

I’m sure you have read about, or experienced punishment while either in a WLM,

or reading about WLM. Being bent over a chair for the paddle, corner time, or
being given the wife’s sister’s weeks worth of laundry to complete.

If you have heard of the four levels of FLR’s we are at about a three.
My wife’s first choice punishment was always the old standby…. corporal. A
problem soon became apparent when I started looking forward to these times,
and they became non-effective. This caused her to start looking for ideas that I
most certainly would NOT look forward to. To give proper credit, she gained one
of these ideas, and the concept of me NOT wanting it, from a blog written by
Mistress Scarlet of the UK. These incidents I will write about, I have previously
described in comments. I am writing this guest blog because I hope to help others
think more broadly, regarding the concept of punishment. It doesn’t always have
to involve physical pain. I’ll describe the worst treatments of many, my wife has
given me. These still make my skin crawl as I begin writing about them.

The two corrective treatments were: 1. Buying panties. 2. Learning to dance.

About two years into our marriage, I made the mistake of arguing with my wife.
But instead of corporal punishment, she brought up the Victoria’s Secret website
on her laptop, and she picked out three specific styles, and patterns of panties in
specific colors, in large size for me. I had to hand write out the list of these. For
example: Boyshorts, in Peach color with V.S. logo pattern, large size. Then we
went to a mall we never go to, she dialed my cell phone from hers, and told me to
put mine in my shirt pocket so she could hear everything, and be sure I wouldn’t
try using the I’m buying them for my wife ruse. I went in alone, asked a sales lady
for help, and showed her the list, in my hand writing. If they didn’t have a specific
one in stock, I was to ask her for a recommendation. Most importantly I had to
vocally tell the sales woman that they were for me. Loud enough to be heard by
my wife over the phone. I don’t know how long I was in there, maybe fifteen
minutes, but it felt like a lifetime. Once I was at the cash register, I was to pay
the sales lady a 35% tip. My wife meanwhile hung out across the corridor
watching me, and listening intently on her cell phone.  I can’t begin to describe 

the embarrassment. After being utterly humiliated from customers stares, and

them leaving the store, I got out of there, back to my wife, and showed her the
bag, relieved that I was done. Then she said “Now go back in, and tell her you
forgot to ask her for information about Victoria’s Secret credit card rewards, and
carry your pretty panty bag back in with you”. This I was not expecting. I went
back, literally trembling, and asked the same sales woman what I had been told to
ask her. She looked at me, and said “you…what”? She gave me the most
menacing look, and I felt the blood rush to my face. We went back to the counter
again for five minutes where she gave me very detailed information explaining
the benefits of the Pink, Silver, and Gold member levels, and handed me this
pamphlet, telling me just to look it up online, and I could apply there. By this
point I know she was getting irritated, and was purposely holding me there
forever explaining the card info. Making sure I wouldn’t be back a third time. I
walked out the second time to my wife, completely dejected. Her first words
were “If you want to backtalk me again, there’s a sale on leggings at Lululemon
next week”. She felt very bad for the sales lady, but showed me absolutely no
sympathy, or mercy. She laughed so hard, as she pointed out how pathetic I
looked on my second exit from the store. When we arrived home, after all I had
been through already, she began talking to me in a child like voice and said “Go
put on a pair of your pretty new panties”. “I know you’ve been excited to try them
since we left the mall”. “You can celebrate being a big boy; buying your very own
undies, all by yourself”. “You’ll remember this monumental day forever then.”
“Isn’t that wonderful?” She was beautifully brutal, and absolutely relentless,
while endlessly crushing my egocentric, self-absorbed attitude that day. But
there was one really big positive that came out of this punishment for both of us.
I really watch my mouth now. (As a post script: she phoned the store the next
day, and apologized to the sales woman, because this most definitely was not fair
to her.)

The second creative punishment was again in 2017 for constantly being slack, and
late with my assigned housework, as I knew that would earn me the paddle, and
strap. Once my wife determined I was doing this, she changed tactics. I was
ordered to (kind of) learn to tap dance from youtube videos. Then I was to learn,
and practice a seven minute routine for her. In addition to this she would film it
so she could upload it to a website at a later date if I ever challenged her
authority in a major way. I practiced for months on the hardwood floor of our
basement; curtains closed. The night of my big performance I put on the dance
costume she chose for me. Rainbow pattern tights, a tanktop, and a yellow bow
in my hair. I then went to the basement in my clickity clack shoes. I enter the
basement, and there are three women sitting with my wife, who introduced
themselves as her co-workers. I blurted out: “you said you were just going to be
filming me”! She said “I will only be filming you, but they want to get in on the
laughs”. This started the laughter right out of the gate. My wife said “quit
whining Dancerella, and do your routine for us” she started the music before I
could say anything else. I danced through seven minutes of laughter, name
calling, and whistles, while the camera captured it all. When I finished, they
started clapping for me; still more whistling, and laughing amongst themselves. I
clacked out of there in my tap shoes on a dead run, straight to the bedroom, and
locked the door. About ten minutes later, a text arrived on my phone. Yes, it was
from my wife, and it read “Did that turn you on dear? Is your turgid member
causing you discomfort?”. It almost brought me to tears, as I knew what she
meant. I stayed there until her friends left. For a year I fretted, and worried that
someone would start spreading this around her office, and who knows where. It
was in 2018 before she told me she had found three dominatrices to play the co-
worker role, solely to increase my nervousness, and they didn’t charge her a
dime. They were happy to help humiliate me for free. I had worried for a year for
nothing. She still has my dance routine stored on her computer. My benefit from
this? I suddenly became a very accomplished housekeeper.

Neither of these punishments involved corporal punishment, or extra chores, yet
they were incredibly effective. They delivered complete humiliation, and
embarrassment. I was literally sick to my stomach, prior to both, and no I don’t
want to repeat them. A cane, and strap have none of these effects on me. She
has taught me well through these events, and she’s made me a better husband.

In closing I will repeat what I wrote in my opening. My main purpose in writing
this guest column was, to possibly broaden others thoughts of what can be
utilized as punishment opportunities. In short, just use your imagination!

To all the superior women: Do you have punishments that were out of the
ordinary you have carried out? To all husbands: Do you have memories of
unorthodox punishments you have experienced? Please describe them in the
comments below if you care to. Someone’s mistress, or wife may possibly, truly
appreciate you for it one day.

Sincerely, Edward.

Using Your Motivators

In my June 12th post I identified a few ways to motivate your husband to obey you and keep up with his chores and service to you. As reminder, the motivators I shared were: 1) the quick tease, 2) conducting regular discipline sessions, 3) playing into his fetishes and fantasies, 4) giving him the punishment he wants, 4) assigning tasks and 5) a gift and word of appreciation.  In this post, I'll discuss ways to apply those motivators. How and when you apply the motivators will vary depending on what you are trying to accomplish, how your husband responds to motivators, and the maturity in your Wife Led Marriage (WLM).

In a newer WLM, motivators play a role in training the husband and getting him to perform in a manner that the wife desires. This typically involves breaking the husband of habits that are either bad or undesirable to the wife and creating new habits and routines that the wife desires. In the early stages of this transformation, motivators provide incentive and encouragement to change. A wife may choose to motivate using the "stick and carrot" approach in which she dangles an incentive in front of her husband in order to motivate him to do something. For example, she may tell him that if the dishes and kitchen are cleaned to perfection every night during the week, then on the weekend she will allow him an orgasm as a reward. Those who incorporate chastity devices into their relationship will often tie his release from chastity to good behavior. 

Rewards can also be tied to earning points. The wife can assign both positive and negative points to tasks and behaviors and when the husband achieves a certain number of points, he earns a reward. He can accumulate points to earn even bigger rewards. The challenge with this approach is that it can be cumbersome or time consuming to monitor and track points. I actually tried this approach in the past, where I reviewed my husband on a monthly basis and graded him on his performance. However, it did not last long because I just didn't always pay attention to how he was doing things. It was too much work for me to monitor and grade him so this approach did not work for me but it may work for you. Sticking with the same analogy as above, another approach is what I would call "eating the carrot on the stick," and this is where the wife keeps the husband aroused during the chore or task so that it becomes enjoyable for him. Ideas for doing this include giving him quick cock teases while he is working, having domination play or foreplay prior to the chore so that his arousal is heightened, or  making him wear things while working that stir up his arousal such as a butt plug or panties.

In the approaches above, as the husband gets into a routine of doing the desired chores or behaviors, the wife can lessen the use of motivators and eventually stop them all together once the habit is formed.

In a more mature relationship in which the husband fully embraces his submission, is well trained, and truly takes pleasure in serving his Queen, the carrot and stick approach is not needed. She simply trains him on what to do or tells him what to do and he does it. Discipline sessions or feedback are used to ensure he continues to do what was requested and at the standard she expects. That is how it works with my husband and I now but I have used the carrot and stick approach early in our WLM and I still use the eating the carrot approach from time-to-time just for fun and to help keep him focused. I do get a laugh when my husband tries to negotiate a "carrot" with me. Every now and then, when he is desperate for attention (very horny), he will try to negotiate with me, that he'll do whatever I want or buy something for me if I'll give him a 'tease' session.  The silly boy does not even want an orgasm; he just wants to be teased. I laugh and tell him that I control the money and can buy anything I want and that he does whatever I want anyway so there's no negotiating.

Another way to motivate is to give him a reward after good behavior has been done as a form of appreciation. The husband should never expect a reward. He should always be serving out of obedience and the desire to please the wife. However, the wife can decide to show appreciation for good behavior by employing one of the motivators. This helps keep the husband happy and wanting to serve the wife. If the wife regularly(not necessarily frequently) indulges in his fantasies, fetishes, and submissive desires as a form of reward, it motivates the husband to continue to please and serve her at a high level. If you think about how people are motivated at work and in every day life,  the concept of this approach makes a lot of sense. The people at work who you want to help the most and who you are most loyal to are the ones that show genuine appreciation for what you do or the ones that can have the most positive impact on your day or future (e.g. the ones with power and influence). In work life people are also highly motivated by money and promotions. In the submissive world, men are motivated by sexual pleasure and being able to feel that wonderful deep submissive feeling that comes from being controlled by a woman. The extra benefit in a WLM, is that certain rewards of appreciation also deepen the husband's submission to the wife. For example, a wife who indulges in her husband's fetish will motivate him and will also push him deeper into submission and deepen his loyalty to her.

As mentioned in my previous post, regular discipline sessions are also good motivators. While these sessions are not tied to the completion of specific tasks, they are a powerful and fun feedback mechanism that allows the husband to understand how he is performing. The key to using this motivator is to have the sessions frequently (weekly or monthly) and to keep the sessions centered on providing feedback or training and not fantasy play. Both appreciation and critical feedback can be shared in these sessions. Having clear and regular feedback helps the husband stay focused on serving the wife at the highest level of service and keeps him out of trouble. People become highly motivated when expectations are clear and they know where they stand with their superior. When expectations are not clear and there is uncertainty, it causes stress and leads to poor performance. This is a common problem in many marriages and in WLMs submissive men often feel frustrated or depressed when there is a lack of expectations and the wife and husband are not on the same page. Having regular discipline or feedback sessions is a great structured method for solving the communication problem. In addition, the nature of the discipline session creates a power exchange between husband and wife that elevates her power and pushes him deeper into submission. Having this power exchange regularly, cements the hierarchical structure in the relationship. Hopefully you can see how powerful and effective discipline sessions are. They provide feedback, training, motivation, and they strengthen the submissive-dominant bond. It's a 4 for 1 return on investment!

When using motivators, be cautious not to overuse them. As mentioned above, you do not want the husband to always expect a reward when he does something for you. A well trained husband is self motivated to serve and please you. His pleasure and motivation comes from pleasing you and seeing you happy. It usually takes many years of training and self-discovery for a submissive man to consistently achieve this state. Even when they achieve this state, motivators are still effective and can add excitement and renewed energy to the relationship; they are just not needed as much. I want to clarify that if the wife enjoys the "motivator" activities then she does not need to limit the frequency of doing them. She is the one in charge and can indulge in those activities as she desires. When she indulges for he pleasure, it is not a sign of appreciation and not a reward, but rather a special privilege for the husband.

I encourage all of my fellow Goddess wives to use motivators in your WLM. They will keep your husband working hard for you and will help you achieve a higher standard of living. Please feel free to share what works for you.

-Mz Kaylee

 

Another Great Benefit About Wife Led Marriage (WLM)

So things have been a bit stressful and out of the ordinary with COV19 and all the protests going on in the US. Our daily routine has changed significantly and with the kids in the house all of the time now, it's challenging to for my husband and I to find alone time. In the beginning my husband did a great job keeping up with his chores and duties to me. However, as the "stay-at-home" order prolonged and a few personal issues came up, he started to slack off a bit and his focus on serving me was not quite as sharp as it needed to be. I admittedly, became a little lazy in my leadership and was not exerting as much control over him as usual so that left room for him to slack off.

All it took was a quick discipline session to get him back on track. In the morning he was out of the house so I texted him that I was not satisfied with how things were going and that he should plan for a discipline session that night. The text was probably enough to correct course as his attitude already started to change for the better that day. He texted back an apology and said he would be ready for the discipline. It was a brief session. As is normal for our discipline sessions, he was naked except for a special pair of panties reserved for discipline, Putting these panties on puts him in the right frame of mind for the discipline. I talked about what needed to change and he agreed and apologized and promised to do better. He then gave me a massage and pleasured me. No orgasm for him but he did get quite a bit of teasing from me. Then it was off to the corner for him for 20 minutes to help him refocus.

The next day he thanked me for refocusing him and could not do enough to help me and serve me. He had extra pep in his step when doing his chores. Everything was back on track. This experience highlights how easily issues can be resolved in a WLM. There was no arguing or yelling. He accepted my criticism without being defensive. Since the lines of authority are clearly drawn in our relationship and because my expectations for him are well defined, he knew he was slacking off and knew there were consequences associated and so there was no argument. 

Overall the discipline session was a very positive experience for both of us. We both came out of it feeling good and with new positive energy. I love that dynamic so much! In a WLM it is so easy to reconcile and get back on track. I can't remember the last time I had an argument with my husband. When I feel there is an issue or I am not satisfied with his behavior, a short discipline session does the trick. I add punishment if warranted, but anymore it is rare that he does something that requires a harsh punishment. 

He is also allowed to discuss with me any issues or concerns he has. It must be a discussion and not an argument. He will not be punished for raising concern but he will be punished if he does so in a negative or argumentative tone. He understands that I have the final say in all matters and he accepts that. Having open communication and clear rules for resolution is wonderful and allows us to bring closure to issues and move on.without arguing.

-Mz Kaylee

 

 Overall it was a very positive experience for both us.

Your 2020 WLM/FLR

I hope many of you heeded the advice in my last post and took time to reflect on your relationship and to plan ways to improve and strengthen it over the next year. In any relationship it is smart to regularly reflect on how things are going and then make adjustments or enhancements to keep the relationship strong and exciting. It is also good practice to do this in all areas of your life. Set goals for yourself and write them down. Did you know that you are more likely to achieve your goals when you write them down? Try Taking that extra step and write them down as vividly as you can. After I write my goals down, I like to review them regularly so I stay focused on achieving them.

It also helps to put a plan in place to achieve your goals. What specifically are you going to do to make it happen? If you are not sure of your plan right away, that is fine. The first step is to write down your goals and get it in your head that you are going to accomplish them. You can focus on the “how” later. You may need to do research, talk to others, or even attend training or workshops to figure out the “how” part.

For 2020, I have written down several goals in the areas of my job as well as my personal life and Wife Led Marriage (WLM). A personal goal for me is to live in the moment. I am always thinking ahead and as a result I often half pay attention to the person talking to me. I need to develop the habit of focusing on the person talking to me and what is happening at the moment. My plan for achieving this goal is to be an active listener, which means paying close attention, asking questions, and reconfirming what I am hearing.

One of my WLM goals is to be more specific with my feedback and direction to my husband so that he can serve me better. When I do weekly discipline sessions I often breeze through the feedback or go easy on Thomas. When Thomas and I reflected back on the times that he became lazy or got himself into trouble, it was usually when we went several weeks in a row with quick or easy discipline sessions. Don’t get me wrong, he needs to do a better job at staying obedient (that is one of his goals) but I also have a responsibility to be firm and honest during the discipline sessions. My plan for achieving this goal is to take time to prepare for the session in advance so that I have clear and direct feedback for him. On a side note, last year one of my goals was to be consistent with having regular discipline sessions. Although I breezed through some of the sessions, there were very few weeks where I did not do a discipline session with Thomas and that was a big success for me. Now that I have gotten a routing down for the sessions, I will focus on making them more effective (e.g. provide specific feedback) in 2020. This is a good example of how I am regularly reassessing my WLM and making adjustments to make it better.

When it comes to your WLM goals and plan, involve your spouse in the discussion. The wife, as the leader, has the final say on what gets written down but the husband should be given the opportunity to share his thoughts and he should have a clear understanding of what the goals and action plan are so that you can both work together to make them happen.

What goals have your set for 2020 and how do you plan to achieve them?

-Mz Kaylee

Happy New Year

Wishing you all a happy new year! With a new year approaching, it is a good time to think about how to make your WLM even better. To my fellow Goddesses, think about changes you can make to "up" your Goddess lifestyle and what things can be done to motivate your husband to serve and obey you even more. Can he take on more chores or pamper you more? Is there a new routine that can be added to your week or day? What additional rules can you add to keep him in line or make him feel even more controlled and owned by you? You can make it a goal to be more strict, hold him more accountable by enforcing punishments, or just try new things and pushing his or your limits. It can be exciting to try something completely new such as experimenting with chastity, strap-on sex, or feminization. 

Adding a theme to the year can be fun. For example, you can tell him that in 2020 you are going to explore his feminine side more or that the focus will be on training him to be a better slave for you. Other themes can be that he will learn to worship you like a Goddess or that you will explore pet play with him. There is no shortage of themes that can be used. Let your creative mind run wild!  Throughout the year you can buy items, set expectations and plan activities and training that support the theme. Themes are also nice because they help the submissive get into the right mind set and stay focused. It can be a fun journey to gradually explore the theme during the year, going deeper and deeper into it as the year progresses. 

For those of you that are submissive husbands, think about how you can better serve your wife. What can you do to make her live like a Goddess? What can you do to make her happier? Think about telling her that you want to be a better husband and want to do a better job at serving her. Don't be afraid to ask for her help with it and ask for her to give you feedback and hold you accountable in 2020.

It's healthy for any relationship to try new things and evolve the relationship. It keeps things fun and exciting and helps the couple grow closer together.  So what are you going to do about it in 2020?

Happy New Year!

Corner Time Follow-up

Earlier this year, I wrote a post on corner time. I started using corner time with my husband for both discipline and punishment. I often experiment with new things in my WLM and I am happy to report that corner time is one of those techniques that is working well for me and my husband. I like it because it is very easy for me to administer and it helps my husband stay focused on doing things correctly and to my satisfaction.

What has been working well for me is to review his behavior on a weekly basis and if there are things that require improvement, he is sent to kneel in the corner naked or in panties for a specified period of time. The amount of time depends on how many things require improvement and how bad the behavior was. I will usually lay in bed and read while he kneels quietly in the corner. This weekly routine makes it easy for me to provide feedback to him on his performance. I find that I am giving more feedback than what I previously was doing, which has helped him keep up with his chores and do them the way I expect. In addition to incorporating corner time into our weekly routine on occasion, if he does something really bad (like talk to me with an attitude), I will send him to the corner right away and not wait for the weekly routine. Fortunately I've only had to do this a few times.

I actually enjoy seeing him kneeling in the corner for me and I can tell it has an effect on him. It puts him into submissive mode. Something that many couples do is have maintenance spankings where the husband is spanked regularly as a form of discipline and to keep him focused on serving his wife and to reinforce his submission to her. I have done those in the past but spanking is just not something I stuck with on a regular basis. However, I am finding that corner time is much easier to do on a regular basis (well easier for me :) ). Therefore, I recently began incorporating "maintenance corner time" into our weekly routine. This means that each week he will be sent to the corner. If he has been good, it will be 5 - 10 minutes for him to meditate and get his mind into submissive mode for me. If he requires discipline or punishment then it will be 15 or more minutes of corner time. In talking to Thomas, I've figured out that 10 minutes is pretty easy and not much of a punishment, which is why punishment or discipline will always be at least 15 minutes.

I started the maintenance corner time a few weeks ago and it has been working out good. It keeps him in a good submissive space and helps him stay focused on doing his chores the right way.

-Mz Kaylee

Corner Time

Earlier this year I started using corner time as a punishment with Thomas. I'm finding that there are many benefits to corner time. What I like the most is how easy it is to administer. I simply send him to the corner and he goes. While he's in the corner, I can  watch TV, read a book, or go about my usual business in the house. I could even leave him alone for corner time but then I run the risk of him taking a more relaxed position and not feeling the full effects of the punishment.  Also, I think my presence during his corner time adds a bit of embarrassment for him and makes him feel more submissive. I also think he looks cute kneeling still in the corner :)

Another benefit of corner time is that it can be used for many situations. There are many variations of how you can use corner time, which means it can range from a mild punishment all the way up to a severe punishment. A mild punishment would be having your husband kneel or stand in the corner for a short amount of time. A longer amount of time increases the un-comfort, making it a more severe punishment. Other ways to increase the severity of the punishment is to require him to keep his nose pressed against the wall or have him hold a coin or piece of paper against the wall with his nose You could even have him hold his arms out while standing.

I read a post where a woman had her husband hold a dildo against the wall with his mouth. I thought that was a creative and fun idea that adds a bit of humiliation to the punishment. Little things like that create a deeper feeling of submission in men, which help to elevate your authority and power. The act of being sent to the corner in itself is embarrassing for men as they are being treated like a child. This clearly demonstrates a superior/submissive relationship similar to a mother-child and I think that dynamic is another wonderful benefit of corner time.

I also like corner time because it is a quiet punishment. I don't spank Thomas anymore because I have teenage kids and I do not need to be explaining to them why they are hearing loud slaps in our bedroom :). Instead I close the door and send Thomas to the corner. If the kids come knocking, then he grabs his robe. So far that's not been a problem. Because corner time is so discreet, you could even do it while away or if others are in the house. I've teased with my husband that if he acts up when we are with friends, I'll send him to the corner while they are in the house. If at someone else's house, I'll make him strip naked and stand in the bathtub.  I don't know if I'd truly to that but it is fun to tease him about it and it certainly keeps him on his best behavior.

Corner time is also a good add-on to a spanking or other punishment. After a spanking, the husband could be sent to the corner or he could be spanked while standing in the corner. So far I've only used it as a mild punishment. I'd almost consider my use of it as a combination of punishment and discipline. A constant struggle with Thomas is putting dishes and laundry away in the right spots as well as paying attention to some of the small details when I give him tasks to do. I started to use corner time as a way to punish him for his lack of focus and to motivate him to do better. For every item I find in the wrong spot, he gets 5 minutes of corner time. I find that less then 10 minutes it too easy for him, so he gets a minimum of 10 minutes in the corner. He knows to strip naked and kneel in the corner when I send him to the corner. Sometimes I will order him to wear his punishment panties or I may have him stand in the corner and lower his panties to mid-thigh or at his ankles and he must not drop them or his time in the corner is extended.

Since I implemented corner time I have noticed that he pays more attention when he puts things away and tries to remember where some of the less frequently used items go (those are the ones that often give him problems). His corner time has become less frequent, which is a great thing! It really is an easy and effective punishment. If you are not comfortable with spanking, corner time is a great alternative.

-Mz Kaylee

Punishment

Hi all. It's been awhile since I wrote. Sorry for the long delay but things have been busy and I just needed to take a break from writing for awhile. You can thank my husband for this post as his recent behavior has motivated me to write this post. 

Unfortunately for him it is not good news but he has no one to blame but himself. He has not been performing his duties up to my expectation and slacking on his chores. There were a few big things that ultimately sent me over the edge but leading up to it, there were many small things. Things like not doing a thorough job cleaning the kitchen, not putting my clothes or the kids clothes away in the right spot and not neatly folding the items in my drawers. Some of it is him being forgetful but a lot has to do with his lack of focus on the tasks.  It irks me when I am cooking and have to look for a certain bowl because he did not put it away in the right place, especially when it’s not the first time I have told him about it. Many of these little things I talk to him about and discipline him and he does better but then a few weeks later he slips again. I was beginning to think that it was time for a punishment; something to get him to remember and focus on doing things to my expectation. My decision to punish was easily made the day I was driving my car and the gas light came on and I was not close to home.   It is his job to ensure my gas tank is always full. Goddesses do not pump gas J.  I’ve had to remind him a few times but I should not have to. It is up to him to check my car to make sure there is enough gas for me to do my needed driving each day. I was not happy at all that I had to pump gas. He received a text immediately from me that my car was low on gas and that I would have to fill it myself. He replied quickly that he was sorry. He knew he was in the dog house.

Punishments are a very effective tool in a FLR. In fact, I would say a punishment is very powerful when done right. Punishing your husband is essential for keeping the FLR strong. When you administer a punishment, it lets him know there are consequences for bad behavior and it also brings a fierce reality to his submission to you. When he faces the consequences doled out by you, it sends a clear message that this is not all fantasy and that you have authority over him. In my opinion, when you punish your husband and he accepts it, it has a real effect on his psyche which elevates your authority over him and pushes him deeper into submission to you. The ultimate outcome is a husband that is obedient and doing everything possible to make you happy and a husband that could never imagine a marriage in which he is equal to you because it is so natural for him to follow and please you.

In a healthy relationship, punishments are not frequent. If you have to punish your husband frequently, then there is something wrong.  He should not be disobeying you and displaying bad behavior on a regular basis. Punishment should be reserved for the serious infractions where he knowingly disobeyed you, did something unacceptable, or as in my recent experience, has recurring issues which discipline has not been effective in resolving long-term. Most of the time, he knows he did something wrong and the punishment should not come as a surprise to him.

The purpose of the punishment is to provide consequences for bad behavior in order to deter him from exhibiting bad behavior again.  Punishments also bring issues to closure.  Once a punishment is completed both husband and wife can move on with life rather than let something fester inside and stay angry.  I like the idea of let the punishment fit the crime.  More serious infractions lead to more serious and longer punishments.  The punishment can also be designed to provide a lesson specific to the infraction.  For example, in the past when he did not properly fold my clothes, I made him empty all of my drawers and refold everything and put it away again.

Earlier this year, I read advice somewhere (can’t remember where) that incorporating some sort of sexual connection or submissive connection into the punishment helps keep the husband from getting resentful or upset by the punishment.  My initial reaction was to disagree with the advice. After all, punishments should not be fun. However, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense and I realized that I actually do that myself. It does not make the punishment fun but rather it keeps his mind in submissive mode and makes it more acceptable for him to take on the punishment. If you’ve read my blog, you know that when I punish Thomas, I make him wear punishment panties during his punishment. This is the sexual connection because he gets excited by being ‘forced’ into panties. The difference is these panties are uncomfortable for him and they are just part of the punishment.  By the end of the punishment period he is ready to be done wearing them. They serve as a 24/7 reminder that he is in punishment mode but his actual punishment is much more unpleasant.

So let’s get back to Thomas. I have a few standard “go to” punishments that Thomas is used to receiving such as taking away privileges with friends or increasing his chores over a period of time.  This time I decided to change things up a bit. I wanted to get his attention and get him to start doing things right all of the time. A few days after the ‘gas incident’ I called him up to the room.  I had him strip down to the punishment panties he was wearing. Then I pointed to a pink bra on the bed and told him to put it on. He looked at me surprised.  I told him firmly to put it on and not ask questions. It was actually humorous watching him fumble with it. I had to help him into it.  Next I told him to get his butt plug and put it in. This time he obeyed without question.  I could tell he was embarrassed putting it in in front of me. Finally I had him put on a strap that snaps around the base of his cock and then pull his punishment panties back up. By now he was completely aroused and a bit confused. He was excited but unsure what was going on because of my serious tone.  He knew a punishment was eventually coming for the gas incident so I am sure he was trying to figure out if this was fun or punishment. He would learn soon enough.

I told him to put his clothes back on again, over the bra and panties. Then I told him my car needed gas and he should go put it in now. Now there was fear in his eyes. He questioned if I was serious. I explained that he already had punishment panties and that going forward I am incorporating a punishment bra. I talked to him about his forgetfulness, hastiness in doing chores, and lack of focus. I explained how I was tired of reminding him several times where things had to be put away. Finally I laid out the path forward, telling him whenever he has to correct something he did wrong; he will have to wear his butt plug and punishment panties while he corrected it. I didn’t care if it was just moving one thing from one cabinet to another; he would first have to go up and put those items on and then correct it. If he forgot to do something and I had to tell him about it, he would have to put the items on before doing it. Furthermore, once the items were on, he had to wear them until bedtime. I told him the bra would be reserved for more serious items based on my discretion. If he forgets to do something that causes me inconvenience (like put gas in my car) he will be made to do a task while wearing the bra.

I sent him off to put gas in my car. I could tell he was scared but I reminded him that it was chilly outside and he could use a coat to hide his ‘curves’.  I am not that cruel.  I would never make him wear a bra in public in the summer time. However, I later told him that there were many other possibilities for the bra punishment such as retrieving the mail from our mailbox at the end of the driveway, picking up prescriptions at the drive-through pharmacy and getting fast food at a drive through.  In the winter time I could make him do a lap around the mall with me.

This punishment was a bit out of my comfort zone.  I felt a little bad sending him out in public but it was night time, he was covered up with a coat and all he had to do was pump gas.  It was low risk with high punishment factor and it was very effective.  The fear of having to do that again has kept him very obedient and focused and he is paying much closer attention to what he is doing.  The strap and plug have been used a few times since, but I can see that he is paying more attention with what is being corrected.  He’s even taking notes! The plug or strap may seem exciting at first, but they get more uncomfortable the longer he wears them and it is very inconvenient for him to have to constantly change and put those items on just to correct something he did wrong.

I also sense that after the punishment he feels a much deeper submission to me now. He did not expect such a drastic punishment from me.  Now he knows that I can and will push limits to hold him accountable and this has positively changed his behavior.  Afterward he left me a note apologizing for his bad behavior and thanking me for getting him back on track.  I hope you see the power in this and how effective punishment can be.

I know it can be a challenge figuring out how to punish.  The panty/bra punishment is certainly an unusual punishment and may not be something you would want to try.  That is perfectly fine.  I just shared it as an example of a creative approach that is effective at both deterring bad behavior and increasing your level of authority in the relationship. If you can customize it to the infraction that is best.  The other thing to do is give him things that he will not enjoy.  Remember, you want to deter him from doing bad behavior by letting him know there are consequences if he is bad. Here are a few ideas:

• Double-up on his chores for a week or two – have him do your chores during this time; also be extra messy so that his chores take longer
• Add new punishment chores – clean all your shoes, iron a stack of your clothes, hand wash your panties each night, clean your car, clean the bathroom every night
• Early bedtime
• No talking for a period of time
• Chastity Cage
• No TV; no cell phone when you are together
• Cannot go out with friends
• Takeaway spending money
• Micromanage him – he must ask permission for everything (to eat, drink, go to bathroom), when away he must text you every hour telling you where he is and what he is doing, give him lots of little tasks to do throughout day (get water, get pen, change his clothes, wash his hands, check the temperature outside, etc.)  If he complains, extend the duration of the punishment.
• Sleep on floor or couch
• Not allowed to sit on furniture
• Make him eat after everyone else in the house has eaten.
• Hand write over and over again, “I will not…..[whatever bad behavior is]”
• Deny his orgasm longer than usual
• Must stay home and do chores while you go out for fun.  Tell friends you are with that he could not come because he has things to do for you which he did not get done earlier.
• Cold showers or he must take a bath using your leftover bathwater
• Must get up extra early to do chores or do an errand for you (having breakfast or a fresh donut before work is nice).
• Physical punishments that are unpleasant and become tiresome for him:  
• Stand or kneel naked in corner each night or morning over several days (hold quarter against wall with nose)
• Wear something uncomfortable every time he does chores such as a butt plug, uncomfortable shoes, or tight/spiked cock cage/harness
• Hard spanking

The Busy Dominat Wife Part II - Putting a Strategy In Place

In my last post I introduced the concept that when things get busy it often becomes a challenge to keep the structure of the FLR in place. However, it is during the busy times in which the leader should lean more on the FLR structure to help get through the busy time and reduce stress. In this post, I will provide suggestions on how to avoid falling out of the FLR routine and how to maintain your authority and control during the busy times. The post focuses on a few "theory" type ideas.  My later post will get into some fun practical ideas for you to implement.

First the theory - think about what your ideal day-to-day FLR state would be.  Make sure it is realistic and not fantasy. It should take into consideration what you want as well as the needs of your husband. For me it would include things like coffee made for me every morning, hubby keeps up with chores, nightly foot rubs and massages, discipline sessions twice a month, he pleasures me several times a week, his orgasms are 6 - 8 weeks apart, he receives several quick teases from me daily and more intense teasing at least once a week, etc.

The ideal state is what you should strive to achieve on a day-to-day basis for at least 50% of the time during the year. When you hit those times when it is not achievable, the best thing you can do is recognize the situation and put a plan in place to keep as much intact as you can.  If the situation is short-lived, then it may be as simple as communicating to your husband that over the next week or two things are going to be hectic and that you expect him to still be on his best behavior.  You could have him do an extra chore or two to help you.

If it is going to be longer, then thoughtful planning can go a long way in helping you get through the tough time while also keeping the FLR intact and keeping your husband motivated. Situations that can put a strain on the FLR include, a project at work that requires extra hours over a period of time, taking a class while also working, taking care of a sick parent, or multiple kids activities such as sports, play, and clubs. As a parent of teenagers, I certainly have been one of those people caught up in the whirlwind of activities that consume most of my time.  It is the joy of my life to be involved with the kids activities but I also know it is important to spend time with my husband.

When the busy times hit here are a few strategic things that you can do to not lose focus and time with your partner:

1. Talk to him about the situation and tell him you need his help during the busy time. This sets the expectation that things are going to change a bit.  Also, a submissive man will be more than happy to help. Remember, his motivation is to serve you and make you happy.  You could play into his submissive nature and demand that he help you.  Let him know that even though you may not have time to watch him closely, you expect him to keep up with his chores.  By taking a firm and authoritative tone when talking about this, it will stir up his submissive desires and motivate him to work for you.

2. Plan "touch points" with your husband during the day and week.  Quality alone time with each other is usually what suffers the most during the busy times. Force yourself to spend time together even if it is just a few minutes a day.  Morning and evening are great times for this since these are the times you are most likely to be home together. It's as simple as waking up together and being in the same room.  I leave for work before him but he wakes up at the same time as me and will get ready for work with me.  In the evenings, go to bed together or establish a bed time routine.  In my house my husband stays up later to do chores :) but when I go to bed he comes up with me and irons my clothes and gets his clothes ready for the next day.  Then when I am in bed he goes back to his chores. Just being together for this short-time is enough to have quick conversations and catch up on things and stay connected with each other.  Other things you can do is have breakfast together, a quick call during the day, or require him to text you during the day or evening. Leaving him notes is another way to create a touch point. I use notes frequently when I am busy. I can write them anytime during the day when I have free time and then leave them for him to read in the evening or morning.  I will use notes to give him tasks and assignments to do, express dissatisfaction and issue punishments, instruct him what to wear during the day, or to express my appreciation/satisfaction for his obedience.

You can also incorporate routines and rituals into these touch points which will reinforce your authority, satisfy his submissive needs and keep him motivated. Our bedtime routine is that when I am ready for bed Thomas will go upstairs and get naked and put his robe on.  He will make sure a dry towel is in the bathroom for me.  If I am taking a bath he will draw the bath for me.  When I undress he will have my robe ready for me to put on.  Sometimes I will make him undress me, other times I will just have him remove my panties.  When I am in the bathroom he goes about his usual business but when I come out he comes back to the bedroom to iron my clothes.  If there is anything I need him to do, he will do it for me.  He will also give me a massage, which includes kissing my body as he massages. If I desire, he will pleasure me.  Then it's off to bed for me and he is off to finish his chores.  When things get busy, the massages may not happen but he is still required to do all the other things and I do require him to kiss my feet every night when possible.  There are some nights where our schedules are way off and we can not stick to the routine. However, the expectation from me is that when we are home together, the routine will occur unless there is some unusual situation. Having that routine is an effective way to feed his submissive desires. I certainly enjoy having him wait on me hand and foot but the little things like requiring him to be naked, requiring him to remove my panties every night, and requiring him to kiss my feet are motivators for him.  These requirements help set the relationship apart from a traditional marriage and feed his submissive desires.

Some other ideas for morning or night routines are:

• Require him to kneel and kiss your feet or other part of your body before bed or each morning when you wake up
• Have him kneel silent while you dress and get ready for work (during this time you can order him to do things for you and help you get dressed)
• Have him dress/undress you
• Have him get your shoes for you or put them away, and have him put your shoes on/take them off.  

These are all things that do not add time to your routine and some of them will even help you so they are ideal routines during your busy time. You don't have to do these every night either.  You can pick certain days of the week that he must do these things (slave nights), you can change the routine each week, or you can randomly require him to do them. For example, once when I was busy and had not been spending much time with Thomas, I woke him up early one weekday morning and handed him a note before I went into the bathroom. The note instructed him to put on a pair of panties that were on my dresser and kneel quietly by my dresser and wait for me.  When I came in he was kneeling and hard as a rock (exactly what I expected!). I proceeded to get ready for work while he knelt and watched me.  I had him dress me and put my shoes on.  I referred to him as slave frequently and he was not permitted to talk until I left for work.  I ordered him to wear the panties to work that day.  This whole routine did not add any time to my schedule, other than the time to write the note but it left a lasting impression with Thomas, fed into his submissiveness, and energized him to keep obeying me. It is also worked well with our schedule because the kids were sleeping during this time.  The randomness of it caught him off guard, which seemed to excite him even more. I only did it once but it had a lasting effect.

When you are busy, these touch points and routines will be a tremendous help in keeping you connected with your submissive husband and keeping him motivated to serve and obey you.  During your busy times, if you can incorporate at least one routine daily, that is ideal. I would recommend that at a minimum you do one or two of the routines twice a week and have daily touch points.  I personally enjoy being pampered and treated like a queen so I enjoy the routines.  However, I want to emphasize that employing these routines during busy times is a planned strategy by you to keep him motivated and submissive.  The primary purpose of these routines is not for your direct benefit.   This is the "maintenance" to keep him submissive to you.  For example, when a man kneels naked before his wife, removes her panties, and stares into her sex or upward at her naked body because he is required to, it sends a message to him that he is submissive to her, beneath her, and under her control.  Doing this regularly keeps him submissive, obedient, and happy.

In my next post I will write about planning for date nights and the "less than ideal state."

Loving Female Authority

The first time I heard the phrase "Loving Female Authority" it resonated with me in a big way.  It is a fantastic way to approach a Female Led Relationship. Loving Female Authority is a clear separation from a common view that a FLR involves an evil and bitchy dominatrix. In a female led marriage, it is crucial that the relationship is filled with love. The wife still exerts dominance and authority but at the core of the relationship is love and caring.

There are women who dominate men with a different perspective than Loving Female Authority.  These women exert control and dominance over men out of hatred for them or because they believe they are superior to men.  They use harsh corporal punishment and treat men like animals.  Many focus on humiliating men and turning men into thoughtless slaves who do nothing but obey.  Believe it or not, these type of women appeal to men.  They appeal to men because they play into the male's fantasy of being dominated.  Being treated as inferior or as an animal or being with no rights is a thrill to many submissive men.  This type of treatment is a fantasy for many men and I have no issue with it when it is done in a safe and consensual manner as part of fun kinky play. However, this type of treatment should not be at the core of the relationship.  Otherwise, the relationship is unfulfilling and can be damaging to the male over time. No good can come from constantly breaking down a man emotionally or beating him harshly.  If you truly love your husband, why would you want to continually hurt and humiliate him? Sadly, many men are lured in by these women because of the appeal to their submissive nature. They are often taken advantage of or find themselves caught in a relationship that is unfulfilling and abusive and by the time they figure out they are being abused it is difficult for them to get out of the relationship.

Unfortunately because this "harsh" type of dominance exists there are mixed messages when you research FLR.  For someone new it can become difficult and intimidating to understand FLR.  My sense is that many women are turned off by FLR because of all the fantasy fodder that exists and the notion that FLR is cruel and evil.  I am here to say that a FLR, when done right, is not evil or filled with hatred and abuse. Again I want to emphasize that fantasy and role playing is fine.  In fact I encourage it because it adds fun and spice to the relationship and is a great way to reward and motivate your husband.  If you truly love your husband and care for him, then it should not be difficult for you to separate the fantasy from the everyday meaningful authority.  A loving FLR is a wonderful thing and brings the couple closer together and forms an even stronger bond between husband and wife.  I know this from my own experience as well as the experiences from many others who have written about this bond.  I have heard from both men and woman and have read many experiences of couples who have all indicated that after their FLR was in place they felt closer as a couple and had a stronger love for each other.

A FLR should be positive and filled with love and caring.  One of the biggest misconceptions of FLR is that a FLR is one-sided; the wife rules without consideration for the husband's needs or desires. This notion is far from true.  In a FLR, the female is a leader, not a dictator or tyrant.  For the relationship to be healthy she absolutely must consider his needs and desires. I will try to explain the difference with an example: like many men, my husband enjoys watching sports and he will regularly meet up with friends to watch games (I'd say this is a pretty common scenario so it makes for a good example).  In the dictator style of femdom, the wife is only concerned about herself and therefore cuts him off completely from watching sports. The husband is forced to submit whether he likes it or not. His opinion does not matter.  My approach in a loving FLR is that I allow my husband to go out with the guys and watch sports but he understands that it is not a right and must seek approval from me each time. He understands that there are times where he will need to skip a night of watching sports because of more important things that need to be done.  Most of the time I give my approval of these activities but not always. I allow this because I recognize that having time for socialization is important to him.  If I took that away from him, I believe it would have a negative impact on him and our relationship.  Hopefully you can see that this approach allows the wife to make decisions that are in the best interest of the relationship while still maintaining her authority and control.

If you've read my past posts you know that I discipline my husband regularly, I also punish him, and in some instances I've exerted strict control over him.  This is where things can get a bit confusing. How does Loving Female Authority fit in to these situations? It is important to understand that my husband is submissive. He craves and needs this strict control.  He thrives in an environment where I am dominant.  A FLR only works if both parties buy-in to the arrangement. You can not force someone to be in a FLR and then expect it all to work out. There are many articles about women who force their men into submission.  This is pure fantasy and I find these articles humorous. The truth is that it is often the husband who is approaching the wife asking her to dominate him because of his submissive desires.  I'm not saying that a wife can not initiate the FLR. It just has to be done in a positive manner and should not be forced on to the husband.

When it comes to my discipline sessions in most instances, they are more focused on positive reinforcement rather than negative reinforcement.  Discipline is not a bad thing. I use it as a method to motivate Thomas to do better. Thomas even looks forward to our discipline sessions.  The spanking in most cases is playful and more symbolic of my authority over him versus being painful. On occasion it may sting when I want to emphasize a point or when I feel he is not meeting expectations but it is nothing he can't handle.  I have never left a mark on Thomas, just a little redness :) I do not believe in painful spankings or caning. To me this is abuse and can lead to anger and resentment.  If the husband is a masochist and enjoys this type of play then perhaps that is acceptable.  Some men crave or desire this type of spanking so there are exceptions like that where it may be acceptable.  However, a woman beating a man solely because she wants to punish him or prove her dominance over him is not OK.

Punishments are rare and are only issued when warranted. If punishments are regular occurrences in your relationship then you need to re-examine what you are doing and figure out why he is being disobedient so often or if you are punishing for the wrong reasons.  When I issue a punishment it is no surprise to Thomas.  He knows he has been bad and accepts the punishment.  It is important to incorporate punishment into the relationship as this holds the submissive accountable and reinforces the wife's dominance and authority over the husband.  When a husband yields to his wife and accepts her punishment it is proof of his true submissiveness towards her. Thomas has confessed to me that he is glad that I punish him, not because he enjoys the punishment (he does not) but because he wants to be held accountable for his actions and it brings reality that he is submissive to me.  Thomas once told me that my authority over him became very real to him after the first time I punished him. To him, it was a turning point in the relationship where he knew it was not just fantasy and that he was no longer an equal in the marriage.  He was excited about that realization.

There are also many situations where I humiliate Thomas.  I will tease him about wearing panties.  I will order him to lick my ass and tell him that is all he is worth.  These situations are more playful than real.  Again, I am appealing to his fantasies.  He likes a good 'mind fuck' and honestly I have fun doing it to him. There are nights where I just blow his mind and push him into deep submission. These are usually the same nights that I get a little 'high' from being dominant.  On the surface, if I were to describe these nights (and sometimes I do in the blog), they could easily come across as cruel if one does not realize that my dominance is done with love and caring and it is what Thomas craves. The reality is that these are very intimate moments for us. These moments require vulnerability and trust between us. We connect on a deep level.  These moments of trust and vulnerability are part of the fabric that strengthens the relationship and brings us closer together.  I find this hard to explain to people who have never experienced such a situation. Hopefully this is making sense to you.

I felt the need to write this post because on my blog I share personal examples of my dominance and authority that border on the realm of fantasy and appeal to Thomas's submissive nature.  It is important to understand that love and caring is woven into all these situations.

-MzKaylee