It has been some time since I posted, hasn’t it? It’s been one of those moments in life for me, where everything hit at once between personal, family, and work. The dust has finally settled. I can breathe now. Phew! I am happy to be back to writing again.
It’s no secret that in those busy moments, some things must
give or be put on hold. This blog was one example, and another example was some
of the regular rituals and routines that were in place in my WLM. It certainly
tested Thomas’s submission and he faltered a bit. If anything, our experience
over the last few months reinforced with me, that many of the things I’ve shared
on my blog, such as the importance of structure, discipline, and routines to
reinforce your dominance/his submission, are spot on.
The good news, is that while we had some challenges,
including a few arguments, we emerged from it with a stronger and improved relationship
😊. After a series of miss-steps with me, Thomas
came to the realization that he had to change his mind-set from being submissive
to me to being devoted to serving me. This ‘ah-ha’ moment came after
a harsh punishment from me so I will take some credit for his revelation. Over
the years, I had read various comments from guys expressing a high-level of
devotion to their wife and I found it very admirable and sensed that there were
only a small percentage of submissive men who were truly devoted to serving
their wife. I was thrilled when my husband shared his revelation that he needed
to be devoted to serving me.
What is Devotion in a WLM?
The devotion mind set is new to my WLM journey and so I am certainly
not an expert on the topic. However, when I am faced with something new, I like
to research and learn about it. A key finding from my research was gaining an
understanding that when a person is devoted to something, they are dedicated to
a cause that is beyond their own self-interest and serving that cause creates
enthusiasm for them. In terms of WLM, I translated it to mean that
the devoted husband experiences enthusiasm and pleasure from the act of serving
his wife and doing whatever he can to make her happy. A devoted submissive
husband does not wait to be told what to do and does not try to get away with
things and avoid punishment; or in the case of my husband, wait for the
punishment rather than ask for forgiveness when he knows he has done something
bad. This ‘waiting to be punished’ was a problem for me.
The dedicated submissive strives to exceed his wife’s
expectations and looks for every opportunity to make her life easier and uplift
her with positive words. He accepts her faults without complaint. A submissive
husband who matures to this state experiences fulfillment and pleasure from his
devotion and by seeing his wife happy, pleasured, and pleased.
Since his confession, I have noticed a significant
improvement in his servitude and a positive change in his attitude towards me.
His chores are done timely and to perfection without prodding. He compliments
me more, has a positive and welcoming tone when talking with me. If he slips up,
he apologizes immediately. Even the smallest mistakes, ones that I may
overlook, upset him and he strives to prevent them from happening again [Guys
are you talking notes?]. It has been a fantastic change and has made
me very happy and makes me feel special to be treated as a Goddess.
A devoted submissive is self-motivated. His motivation is driven by seeing his wife happy and pleasured as a direct result of his actions. Although there is self-motivation, incentive and encouragement from others keeps the motivation going and can propel a person’s devotion to a higher level. My control and domination over Thomas are what he enjoys and what keeps him performing to my expectations, so it is still important for me to continue to be strict and demanding with him and set high expectations for him to please me. This will keep his devotion to me high, while also ensuring that he is focused on the right things that make my life better. What I expect is that there will be less need for punishment. With less punishment, I plan to reward him for his devotion. His rewards will be exciting for him but will also be designed to encourage and promote his devotion.
Devotion Versus Submission
You can’t force someone to be
devoted to you. You can certainly force them to do devotional rituals
and acts of devotion, but meaningful devotions comes from within a person. As I
noted earlier in this post, a devoted submissive husband is very admirable. I
don’t expect that most men understand or even buy-in to the concept of devotion
to their wife. My husband did not get it until his recent ‘Ah-ha’ moment. While
he has been a great submissive to me in the past, there was always the
expectation from him to get something in return for his servitude. That is not always
a bad thing, but it highlights the difference between being a submissive
husband versus being a devoted submissive husband. As a devoted husband, he appreciates anything
I give him in return, and may even hope for it, but he does not expect it. His confession of devotion to me was recent
and so the jury is still out on whether his devotion will remain strong. So far
so good! I will certainly do what I can to keep it strong. Why wouldn’t I 😊?
For many years, I have benefited greatly from having a fantastic
loyal submissive husband. His submission, along with my dominance, have brought
us closer together and strengthened our marriage. If you are in this situation
then you are very lucky. I would be very happy and satisfied if my husband
remained a great loyal submissive for the rest of our marriage. However, a
devoted husband is even better! I am excited at what the future holds. I hope
that the women readers of this blog can experience devotion in your marriage
and I also hope that the submissive readers are lucky enough to discover the
joy and fulfillment of being a devoted husband.
A Devotion Exercise
To help the guy readers to move toward being devoted, below
are daily or weekly reflections for you to do, which I came across in my
research (and made a few modifications and additions). What I love about these is that they are very practical and not just
fantasy play.
- List the reasons why you are grateful for your wife. On a daily or weekly basis, review the list and add to it if you think of new things.
- Each day, identify three ways to express your gratitude and love for your wife and act on them.
- Accept her for who she is – do not point out her mistakes; listen and do not project what she should do/be; fix mishaps and mistakes without telling her.
- Help her pursue her passions.
- Always yield to her.
- Think about what you can do to make her life better and put it into practice!
- Find ways to go above and beyond to please her. At least once a month act on these ideas.
Stay tuned for my next post where I will share thoughts on
devotion activities and rewards that I plan to do to keep his devotion strong.
-Mz Kaylee
finally the wait is over!
ReplyDeleteGlad you're back and that you two are well.
ReplyDelete"the devoted husband experiences enthusiasm and pleasure from the act of serving his wife and doing whatever he can to make her happy."
Absolutely!
CK
Great to "hear" your voice again Mz Kaylee! My wife and I missed you!
ReplyDeleteSubmissive versus Devoted Submissive is a giant step, and difficult to achieve for me. My ego gets in the way, and I fight that often. The more my wife is consistent in her leadership, the easier it is for me to keep my ego in check. Over the last few years, with the help of my wife, I have made significant progress but fall short of my goal many times. Thank you for your 7 reflection points. While I strive to do much of what you outline, it is pretty informal. I have found that by writing my submissive/devotional promises to my wife and sharing them with her I become more committed to achieving them. Much of the success I have had in checking my ego is from the humbling I get when she holds me to a "No Exceptions, No Excuses" policy on my promises to her. I love working within guidelines and boundaries. For me, setting and being held to those guidelines and boundaries are important in creating consistent submissive and devotional habits. One thing for sure, I can't do it alone, so communicating my aspirations to my wife is vitally important. Thank you again for the 7 point structure. I have put you list in my phone notes and will add thoughts as they occur to me.
We are so happy to have you back!
Here is my first go at your Devotion Exercise. Thanks again for a great thought provoking post:
DeleteA Devotion Exercise
To help the guy readers to move toward being devoted, below are daily or weekly reflections for you to do, which I came across in my research (and made a few modifications and additions). What I love about these is that they are very practical and not just fantasy play.
1. List the reasons why you are grateful for your wife. On a daily or weekly basis, review the list and add to it if you think of new things.
1. She loves me
2. She grounds me
3. She is a fabulous mother
4. She is moral and has backbone
5. She is kind
6. She turns me on
7. She has accepted my surrender and submission and is trying to lead
2. Each day, identify three ways to express your gratitude and love for your wife and act on them.
1. Morning affirmation of surrender and submission
2. Ensure daily that all she needs to do, is what she wants to do.
3. Greet her when she comes home from work with loving and adoring mannerisms
4. Foot massages nightly
5. Plan and meal prep for her lunches and dinner
3. Accept her for who she is – do not point out her mistakes; listen and do not project what she should do/be; fix mishaps and mistakes without telling her.
1. Listen respectfully, do not offer opinions unless asked
2. Embrace her attitudes and ideals
3. Tell her daily something that I love about her.
4. Speak with reverential tone and sincerity.
5. Be happy and excited to do things with her and for her.
4. Help her pursue her passions.
1. Do not object about the time she spends away from me pursuing her fitness,
2. Exercise with her, or just for her
3. Buy her new Tennis/yoga outfits and gear
4. Allow her time to read by keeping the housework done.
5. Encourage her to spend time with our kids, grandkids, friends and dogs.
5. Always yield to her
1. Listen with an open heart and mind during our weekly review sessions
2. Never interrupt.
3. Ask her to practice this with me: test my submission by denying me access to Computer, TV, Food, Car, Money,
4. Do not question her reasoning unless physical harm or great monetary strife could occur
5. Do what she requests in a timely fashion, report back when done
6. Do not make excuses for my poor behavior, attitude or poor voice, listen and accept that I have erred
6. Think about what you can do to make her life better and put it into practice!
1. Keep things she uses at the ready, chocolates, tissues, car maintenance,
2. Be aware of my promises to her and live up to them.
3. Work towards her retirement.
4. Laugh often, keep a light heart and a smile ready for her
5. Show her I love her morning and night, compliments, hugs, kisses
7. Find ways to go above and beyond to please her. At least once a month act on these ideas.
1. Ask her for a date, plan it
2. Flowers on the table
3. Prepare a special meal for her
4. Light a candle(s) on the dinner table, in the bedroom, in her bath
My best, Calibob
Excellent Calibob! You've taken the right approach to this exercise. I hope you put these things into practice and re-read and update this list regularly.
DeleteHoly smokes. I was so excited to see you "back on the air" Kaylee, that I wanted to comment before even reading your post. I also immediately called Mistress K. to let her know you were "back", and she was so very excited to hear that.
ReplyDeleteHope all is well in your world, and Welcome Back. We missed you!
Oh boy ... Mistress K. is going to be so excited to have me read this to her her on our regular Sunday morning readings. Thanks Mz Kaylee
ReplyDeleteSubmitting to my wife was easier for me than many than some seing as how she is nearly 9 years older than me, and (by my own admission at the time) vastly more mature than me. She made it clear from when we first started dating that she would be the one in charge of the relationship if it grew from there. One of the main reasons fot that being she was older, more mature, and had more life experience and wisdom. Add to the fact that she was a more assertive, take charge personality while I was the more deferential type. We got married four years ago. I still wouldn't change a thing about that. She is my Queen and I love her with my whole heart. I never believed a woman would ever love me as much as she does, either.
ReplyDeleteThere are differences in our FLR as compared to many othes. She doesn't do the financial domination thing because she views it as unfair. She said if I'm working for that money, I should be able to keep it. She does make me pay fines and penalties if I spend too irresponsibly. Especially at a time when money is tight in the house for whatever reason anyway. She also has zero interest in the cuckholding stuff seeing as how we both came from previous relationships where we were cheated on multiple times. I was open minded about chastity devices as long as it wasn't taken too far, but that was another thing she had no interest in.
She still runs a pretty tight ship in spite of most of this. The majority of the household chores are my responsibility (Probably about 70% of the cooking and cleaning), and a large portion of the errands outside the home as well. I have a reasonable curfew and bedtime every night, and they must be strictly adhered to unless she gives me direct permission otherwise. Fortunately, she is pretty flexible in that department and doesn't act like a petty tyrant with such riles. I have to ask her permission to drink (and even when she gives it, she sets a limit on how much most of the time) and hang out with friends between getting off work and curfew. The list goes on.
As far as her punishments go, her spankings are enough to where sitting is uncomfortable for a day or two after. No warming up, pausing between smacks, or other more ritualistic stuff. She starts at whatever rhythm and intensity she feels in infraction calls for (Her hair brush and bath brush being her two main implements of choice. My belt for bigger offenses) and maintains that until it's over. It hurts and it's embarrassing, but what I hate way worse is when she grounds me. That's the one I truly dread and would take a spanking over it any day. At least the spankings are over with quickly and all is pretty much forgiven afterwards. When it comes to her groundings that just drag on and on, one of the first things she makes me do is call my friends to cancel any plans I previously made with them. She has a zero tolerance policy for me lying in ANY context (It's one of her biggest pet peeves because of how much of a liar her ex husband was). As such, she stands there and watches while I make the calls and I actually have to tell them that I'm grounded. Any attempt at making up any fake excuses and she'll take the phone and tell them herself. Since she also confiscates my phone during such times, she will answer it if one of them calls and still tell them herself that I can't talk because I'm grounded and have lost my phone privileges. It's a lot of fun trying to explain that as a forty year old man to friends who are mostly older than I am.
Suffice it to say, she doesn't play. Examples like the ones I mentioned have made for some of the most embarrassing moments of my life. Still, I'd be be lying if I said I wasn't a better man for it. Before meeting her, my life was going downhill very fast and I may have even ended up in jail had I stayed on that path. I'm happy I met an older, wiser woman who loved me enough to set me straight and help me get my life together. I don't take her for granted and can't imagine my life without her.
- Trent
And I will be giving your devotion idea a chance as well. Seems like it would mean a lot to her and something I owe her her in a way, too.
Delete- Trent
Thank you for sharing Trent. It sounds like you have a wonderful WLM.
DeleteYou're quite welcome. Thanks for this place. Good to have somewhere to come and not feel as isolted in this whole thing. Somewhere I can share experiences and talk a lot of this out.
DeleteWe do. It's not always easy, but it has made me a better man and the love we have for each other is one of the greatest things I've ever experienced.
Still, having to tell my friends I'm grounded at my age? It's a rough one. Do you have any tips on how I can make that less embarrassing for myself? And do you feel taking it that far is necessary? I will do as she says regardless, but I'd value your opinion since you're so much in the know on this stuff.
- Trent
Hi Trent. I read your comment twice as it was just so fascinating to read. I do want to congratulate you on marrying such a fine wife who keeps you in line, and doesn't put up with nonsense. I too used to have to phone friends to cancel plans, usually it would be if I didn't check with my wife first, or if she just decided I would be doing something different even if I had asked her prior to setting something up to meet with 'the guys'.
DeleteWhat soon happened, was after just a few times of phoning to tell these so called friends that my wife had other things planned for me, such as washing her car, or attend a baby shower with her. They naturally began calling me a pussy whipped wimp behind my back, and soon stopped asking me to get together for coffee, golfing, or whatever. For the most part these outings were just a way for to them complain about their work problems, or girlfriends to anyone around them. I assure you, them excluding me is the BEST thing that could have ever happened. Now they aren't bugging me to join them at all, and I am now at home, serving my wife if I'm not at work; which is exactly where I belong!
So this was my result, and I wanted to share it with you. Do you think my experience could possibly be in your near future? If so, there is good news. I'm no longer phoning 'the guys' to change plans, because there are none to change.
One last small note: I know you were asking Kaylee, but in my opinion, I don't think your wife is taking things too far if you both feel it's beneficial to your relationship even though a harsh grounding is difficult at times. BTW, my profile is listed at the top right of this page with the others if you care to read it. Take care. (Edward)
Hey, Edward. Nice to meet you and thanks for sharing your experiences and advice. I may have initially been asking Kaylee (and still welcome anything further she'd like to add) but I also welcome your insights and advice along with anyone else here.
DeleteI can relate to the "pussy whipped" sort of comments as I was called that by one of my friends after telling him about some of this. He was one of the few lingering from my wilder days just before I met her. She eventually grew tired of me hanging out with him because he only got worse and she was worried he'd drag me back into old behaviors. She informed me at that point that my friendship with him was over and gave me the same ultimatum she gives me when grounded: I tell him or she does.
I was livid at first and told her she was starting to be too controlling with this whole thing. She knew I was upset and cut me a break for the back talk that time. Not that I did it much after that because he ended up in jail not long after and I realized she had been right all along. I hugged her and thanked her for looking out for me.
So, in a way, I've already experienced what you described. And I have to admit, it was what was necessary and for my best. Most other friends of mine have brushed it off as more of a joke or even a kink. "Oh, the wife wants you all to herself for {*insert however long I was grounded for here*}, huh?". I recall one instance where one was even jealous about it and made a sarcastic remark to that effect: "I wish my wife would ground me so we could have 5 minutes alone sometime" or something like that. Such instances have helped to take the edge off the embarrassment of the situation, but a few still understand that she is in fact being literal about it. So the embarrassment is still there to an extent.
I'll have a look at your profile as well as others here. Perhaps I'll even submit one of my own in time. Either way, I'm glad to be here.
- Trent
Hi Trent, just one last quick reply, and I'll stop with this. Feel free to leave any questions you may have for me below my profile when you read it. Even the most embarrassing ones you can think of. I'm proud of being submissive to my wife, and happy to publicly share it on forums. I don't know how long you have been wife led, but for me it's been eight years. You mentioned above that your wife has a zero tolerance policy on lying. I give all my passwords to my wife. This is so she can check the history on my phone, internet use in my computer, and see who I have texted, and read them. It gives her more ability to catch me in a lie, & stop me if I'm associating with someone I shouldn't be. What you both do is not my business, but in my case I want my wife to have full unrestricted access, and control over what I'm doing. On a last note, it's good to have you here too!
DeleteTrent and Edward, thanks for your comments. It is great to hear others share their real experiences and offer up suggestions. That is how we all can learn and be better in our relationships. Trent - based on your above comments, it sounds like your wife did know what was best for you. I've also commented on your questions further down in this thread. Thanks.
DeleteI am very happy to read from your WLM. Thanks Mz Kaylee.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the New World Order. Men who serve and are led by the superior gender. Long live the Matriarchy!
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your encouraging comments. I am looking forward to hearing your comments and thoughts on my posts.
ReplyDeleteIt is such an exciting moment when I see your new post. I really love your FLR and sharing
ReplyDeleteDear Mz Kaylee. It is so wonderful to have you back, and read another of your posts! I've been checking your blog weekly since February 16th. I had thought when I read 'The Happy Househusband' where you handed off the remainder of the laundry to Thomas that things were perfect for you both, but now see how much deeper this goes. That Thomas initiated this transformation from a framework of submissiveness, to Devotional to you, I think is truly wonderful, as it's not something you are trying to draw from him which as you say would not truly work.
ReplyDeleteI thought you would be happy to know that this blog entry may possibly change some direction in my life, and marriage. After reading this two days ago, I began to question if I truly have been as devoted to my wife as I thought I was. Because out of your list of seven exercises, really the only ones I truly practice are 5, and 6. I showed this to my wife, and we've had some very in depth discussions regarding my devotion, and analyzing expectations I obviously still have, that need to be addressed, and expunged permanently.
I know you may never tell, but still I'm curious what the harsh punishment was, that gave Thomas his Ah-ha moment. I used to have the 'waiting to be punished' problem too, because the paddle, or bath brush weren't really a deterrent when I was actually wanting them. What cured me was having to learn a seven minute tap dance routine for months, then perform it in front of three of her co-workers in rainbow colored tights, a tank top, tap shoes, and a bow in my hair. This was filmed, and my wife still has this on a memory card. I found out nearly a year later that the women who watched this, and laughed all the way through it were actually dominatrices she had found to play the part of being co-workers of hers. This was way worse for me than any cane, or paddle, and had a deterrent factor! It can't be a punishment if I'm looking forward to it.
I'm very happy for you, and Thomas Mz Kaylee, and again thank you so much for this blog entry, as it has really got me looking closely, and asking if I am as truly devoted to my wife, as I thought I was. I know there is alot more I could be doing, and I need to work on this.
Dear Kaylee, I just re-read your post (fifth time) , and wanted to put this down here where it will be more visible. If you are still having to punish Thomas, perhaps consider new punishments that he will NOT want to endure. 1. It will test his devotion to you whether he willingly goes through with them without contesting it, and you. 2. It will have a strong deterrent factor that possibly, what you are currently doing, no longer has.
DeleteI wrote about the tap dance routine above. Also my wife once dyed my pubic hair lime green, she then took pictures, and made me watch her upload them to a website. She didn't tell me when she took them down. It might have been a day, or six months. The lime green hair dye lasted over two months. These two punishments I remember, but repetitive spankings can be forgotten by me in less than a couple of days. Do what works best for you both, this is just a thought I wanted to mention. I am so happy for you both.
Trent, in response to "Do you have any tips on how I can make that less embarrassing for myself?" Yes, the answer is stop lying and stop doing bad things so that you don't end up having to do it.
ReplyDelete"And do you feel taking it that far is necessary?" That is your wife's decision and if it is a deterrent for you, then it is an effective punishment.
Your wife is making it clear to your friends that you are owned and you are hers. I think that is fabulous and it really is this truth, isn't it? Guys that call other guys pussy-whipped are usually the ones who are unhappy in their marriage. I'd bet you have a much stronger and much more fun marriage than they do, so why not own it and be proud of it. Next time you are called pussy whipped, reply "yes I am and you would be to if you were married to a beautiful and amazing wife like mine." Once you take ownership in being whipped, there is nothing more for them to tease you about.
"Yes, the answer is stop lying and stop doing bad things so that you don't end up having to do it."
Delete"That is your wife's decision and if it is a deterrent for you, then it is an effective punishment."
It does make the threat of getting grounded far more imposing and something I have tried all the harder to avoid. The last time she did it, I was almost begging her to just spank me instead. Her mind was already made up however. So you're definitely correct in calling it effective.
"Your wife is making it clear to your friends that you are owned and you are hers. I think that is fabulous and it really is the truth, isn't it?"
While neither Hazel (My Wife's name) or I would use the term "owned", she is absolutely my boss for all intents and purposes. I did discuss with her one time how embarrassing it is to have to tell them I'm grounded and asked if she'd please reconsider having that be an aspect of it. She said she was sorry it was embarrassing, but that it was the way it's going to be and that her decision is final. Her logic being that punishment is supposed to be embarrassing to a certain degree and that (as you said yourself) my being so embarrassed about that part of it is more incentive for me to behave appropriately in order to avoid it. The only two things that really bother me about our relationship is that and the fact that she is open about our relationship dynamic to her mother, two younger sisters, and niece. That's an entirely different subject however that I'll go into more detail on later most likely.
"Guys that call other guys pussy-whipped are usually the ones who are unhappy in their marriage. I'd bet you have a much stronger and much more fun marriage than they do, so why not own it and be proud of it."
I've never really thought of it from that perspective before, but I do indeed have one of the sturdiest marriages of anyone I know. In spite of the grievances I've expressed here, I love that woman more than I can say and she loves me every bit as much. I am grateful for where we are in both our lives.
"Next time you are called pussy whipped, reply "yes I am and you would be to if you were married to a beautiful and amazing wife like mine." Once you take ownership in being whipped, there is nothing more for them to tease you about."
I can't help but laugh at this a bit because it actually mirrors a real life situation I was in recently with some friends. We were having some drinks after work (She gave me permission beforehand as long as I kept it at four beers). They asked if I could stay later and I said I would need to call and check with her first. One of them made a whipping motion with his hand and whip crack noise as well. I just laughed a bit but felt my ears, nose, and cheeks burn a little. My other friend responded to that with something like "Have you seen his wife, man? I don't blame him. I'd be whipped, too.". We all laughed again, and he's not wrong. Despite being older than me by a fair bit, she can and has passed for a couple of years younger than me visually. She has always been the stay in shape, working out type. I am a truly fortunate, lucky man for many reasons. Looks are only the tip of the iceberg.
- Trent
Edward - Your wife has some very interesting punishments. I love her creativity! The whole dance routine had me laughing! There was nothing fancy our creative about my punishment but it was probably the toughest punishment for him. I let him know that I was very upset about his behavior and attitude and I forbid him from talking to me until further notice. I did not give him any attention at all. He was on his own (but certainly expected him to still do all his usual chores and tasks). I really was upset and did not want to talk him so for him to know that and not be able to talk to me and get the silent treatment from me was very hard for him and made him feel bad and upset too. This lasted for about a week, which is a long time to endure when you are in a relationship where you talk every day. I eventually started getting hand written notes from him every day, with apologies and promises to do better. It was cute and made me feel better. The silent time gave him a chance to reflect on his behavior and realize that he needed to change.
ReplyDeleteEdward - I am glad to hear you are reflecting on your behavior as well and wanting to change. WLM is definitely a life long journey and everyone is at different points in their journey. You have to do what works best for you and what you can mentally handle. It is good practice to continually reflect on your relationship and always strive to do better.
ReplyDeleteI dated and never found a person who understood me, even when I shared, it did not change anything. I finally met this woman, couple of years older, very sure of herself, never married. One of the first request from her was meeting her mother, widow, very nice person. We dated, some sex, but she wanted to get to really know me. I learned she was a in-charge type person, her apartment was very organized, her money management was better than most. Marriage finally came up, and once again asking her mother to marry her daughter was hard, but her mother agreed and then drop the bombshell. Young man, I raised my daughter to understand males are just little boys in adult bodies and I raised her to fully accept, deal with it. I said nothing, you know what I mean, I finally said yes. I was told to let my future wife I was given the mother/son talk and I did. A week before the day, I messed up, I learned from that day, she was not going to put up with childish behavior. She said to the bedroom, we had just purchased a nice big house. Told to undress, stand with hands at side, no talking and I did as told. She placed a chair in the middle of the room, an showed me a large hair brush, a pre-wedding gift from her mother. Oh she said that will not be sticking out long, I will insure that my naughty little boy. Over her lap and the spanking was soundly giving, I kicked until she secured my legs, I pleaded, beg, promise to be good, but the spanking did not stop until she knew I had learned my lesson. Told to get to the front room, face the corner, no rubbing, talking, I did as told. She called her mother, told her everything, and said the hairbrush did the job. She took a picture with her phone, I said nothing. The day we got married I was still having trouble sitting, but did not wish another spanking. The honeymoon was on the beach, great time. When we got home, she layed out the rules, I agreed. One last gift from her mother, a wood holder for the hairbrush, "Naughty Little Boy" Warmer. I accept this role of my wife, our marriage is strong, She puts up with little but does give me a long leach to say. I dreaded the first time my mother-in-law witness a spanking, thankful my pants and underpants were pulled down and not naked. My wife has added a bath brush, it hands with the hairbrush. This maynot be for everyone, but I'm not everyone and I need such a woman. Jack
ReplyDeleteWe married for five years and I introduced bdsm to my wife at the beginning. She didn’t understand well about dominant and submissive and she has not put much effort in exploring it.
ReplyDeleteI was depressed by unable to find a dominant partner before. I talked with her and she tried to play with me. However, the situation improved not for so long. The D and S play is not consistent and I found it was hard to do it in everyday lives.
Before reading this blog, I always ask for bdsm play from my wife which she was not very interested. I learnt a good point here that being a submissive, I should think how to treat her a better live and make her live easier. It inspired me a new angle and attitude to treat me. I try to suppress my personal desire and sacrifice more for her . However , after two to three years , my wife still not fully enjoy the D/S relationship and we just play one or two hours every month. The D/S relationship is not consistent. I sometime feel disappointed.
After that, I sometime found myself lost the submissive character, I am not always obedient to my wife . I am curious if the submissive think is a fantasy or it is my real character. In addition, we have a 4 years old son. In the past , I would be my wife footstool and serve her in naked while she watching TV at night. We seldom do so currently as we afraid it would bring negative effects to my son if he watched.
Will the situation better when the children grown up and the couple could have more private time ?
Any guys here face the similar situation that you cannot find a dominant partner ? What do you do so as to fulfil your submissive desire ?I enjoy sharing here as most of us have similar experiences.
It is challenging and can be frustrating when your wife is not embracing her dominance at the same level you desire. However, this is a very common challenge and one that usually never goes away. It seems that in many relationships, the more the wife increases her dominance, the more the guy expects from her and so he is never satisfied. Two words of advice for you: 1) be patient and politely persistent with your wife. It takes us awhile to understand the submissive dynamic and catch on. It took me 5 - 7 years before things really clicked with me. 2) Appreciate and enjoy what you have. 2-3 hours a month is more than most guys get. You said you were here footstool and served her naked. That's pretty awesome and certainly not a vanilla relationship. Live in those moments and appreciate them. I am encouraged by your willingness to focus on her more. Keep that up and subtly offer her suggestions on how to add more control in the marriage and how it will benefit her. Be patient.
DeleteRegarding kids, a good strategy is to plan alone time together. When my kids were younger, I set aside Sunday nights as a time for my husband pamper and pleasure me. I would also use this time to review his performance and discipline him if needed. We would also plan 2 - 3 weekends or over night trips a year where just the two of us would go away. On those trips, I would unleash my dominance on him and dive into some of his kinks. When the kids are young, there is a lot you can do without them seeing. As they get older, it is actually harder to do this because they understand more and consume more of your time. You have to work hard at finding alone time together and it is so critical to your marriage (not just WLMs) that you have this alone time with each other.
DeleteThere is also a lot the kids will learn from growing up within a WLM. They will not be bound by the societal roles of what a man and woman does. To my kids, it is perfectly normal that my husband cleans the bathrooms, irons my clothes, does the laundry. They also see him treating me like a princess, obeying me without question, and yielding to me. My kids are young adults now, and this all perfectly normal to them.
Aside from that, your wife should have expectations for you of chores and tasks to do. Written notes or texts are a good way to communicate with each other on some of the sensitive things that you don't want your kids to hear. Success and growth of your WLM will come by finding ways to integrate your submission and her dominance into your everyday lifestyle. With kids, family, and work, it is just not realistic for guys to expect that every day or every week is going to be about being dominated.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and challenges. You are not alone in these challenges. I hope others will also share thoughts and advice on the topic.
"Guys are you talking notes?"
ReplyDeleteYes, I am. Your piece here has helped me focus on some worthwhile goals, and has inspired me with some great ideas.
Goofboy :)
DeleteAnd great to hear!
Meant to say "good boy" above. Typing too fast....
DeleteI read it as you intended it. :-)
DeleteWe've only been "heading down this trail" for a few years now (3 maybe?) but it has become insanely addictive for me (and my wife likes the change in my attitude), and my desire to be a better husband has been ... well ... ridiculous is a good word for it.
I just liked the way that your writing differentiated "submission" (which is, arguably, selfishly about the male and his fantasies) and devotion (which is about the wife).
Now I'm happily off to do some cleaning ... still feels a bit strange.
It was specifically this paragraph: "I have noticed a significant improvement in his servitude and a positive change in his attitude towards me. His chores are done timely and to perfection without prodding. He compliments me more, has a positive and welcoming tone when talking with me. If he slips up, he apologizes immediately. Even the smallest mistakes, ones that I may overlook, upset him and he strives to prevent them from happening again [Guys are you talking notes?]. It has been a fantastic change and has made me very happy and makes me feel special to be treated as a Goddess."
DeleteFor some reason, it aligned very well with what I already have in my head as a goal. Perhaps I imagined that if my wife had written that paragraph, it would make me very proud of my progress. The way(s) that I would say things used to cause my wife to feel awful, as if I did not respect her, and she always felt that I was doing things grudgingly (even if I was not), so I have really been working on myself to fully correct both of these behaviors, looking for ways to show respect at all times, and to build her up with what I say, and to swallow my pride, and have real joy in serving her, even when it is something that I would normally dislike doing.
I'm not a push-over (except for my wife). I just love making her happy. I'm actually quite desperate to make her happy. And she's been getting very good at keeping me that way. I feel no less a man for being so desperately hers; I wish we had learned this years ago. And I love the direction that she is taking me.
Calvin - you are on the right path. That is a fantastic change in attitude. Isn't it amazing how when you change your perspective, you see things in a totally different light and it can have a very positive effect on your attitude and happiness? If you are wondering how your wife is feeling about it, it is ok to ask her. You could say something like, "I've really been trying to better serve you with a positive attitude. Are you pleased with what I am doing and is there anything else I can do to make your life better?" She will absolutely love to hear this from you.
DeleteWhat is ‘ah-ha’ moment and could you please share more about the harsh punishment which change the situation ?
ReplyDeleteCouples always have arguments and you said you have the final say in the FLR. Why there would be such a big argument ?
'ah-ha' moment refers to when something suddenly becomes clear to a person or they discover a new revelation in their life. Refer to my comments above to Edward, regarding the punishment that I issued.
ReplyDeleteYes I do have the final say but that does not mean there aren't times where my husband feels the need to continue to voice his opinion or speaks to me in a bad tone or gets defensive when he had done something wrong. Arguments with us are rare but they do happen form time-to-time. I'd say it was probably less of an argument and more that he had done a series of bad things that negatively impacted me, without apologizing and was defensive when confronted, which upset me and led to me having to raise my voice with him.
I can relate to your ideas on feet sniffing. This is something my wife enjoys making me do. I was truthful when I told her of my foot fetish after we had been dating a little while. I told her that, unlike many with a foot attraction, I was a clean feet guy in terms of look and smell. She was open and accepting of it. As it turns out, she happens to enjoy having feet kissed and licked along with having her toes sucked on. But also stated that she believed there was no such thing as "stinky feet" when it came to her's. Basically, any scent coming from her feet should be considered a beautiful, natural thing that is an extension of her the same as anything else.
ReplyDeleteAt first, this didn't seem like a bad idea. But as I got to know her, I found out she was primarily the wearing shoes without socks type. It's no secret scent wise when she gets home and takes her shoes off, and she almost always wants a foot massage after doing so. I've gotten used to it after all this time and it no longer bothers me. Truthfully, I enjoy it as well. She doesn't make me lay down and rest her feet on my face, but she'll have me sit opposite of her and rub them on my face.
There are often times she'll have me kiss and lick on them and suck her toes afterwards. This normally leads north and to her satisfaction. While, as I said commenting on a previous entry, she doesn't do the chastity stuff, she has always been clear that my pleasuring her does not automatically mean she will reciprocate. Often, the first thing she'll have me do after such events is return to whatever chores I have left over. Then I normally have some free time to myself and a period of time watching tv or other things with her before I go to bed. When I'm grounded, she never reciprocates. She is still generous about that overall and usually does return the favor a couple of times a week on average.
- Trent
Sorry. I meant this for your "Devotional Activities" entry.
ReplyDelete- Trent
In your comment you say that Thomas done a series of bad things that negatively impacted you. Could you tell us what those were. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteGregory
No. That’s between him and I and the details are not important for this post.
ReplyDeleteSorry if my question was rude I didnt mean that was just interested.
ReplyDeleteGregory
No worries Greg. Questions are welcome. This was just something I did not want to share. Thanks for your understanding.
DeleteByw ur blog is amazing the best on this subject by a mile. Thomas is living a fantasy life his very lucky he married someone as open minded and smart as you.
ReplyDeleteGregory
Mz Kaylee, the wisdom you two found in that week of silence is such a change in perspective! Thank you so much. Maybe the blog header "Femdom Think Tank - A blog to inspire and educate women to lead and men to submit" could reflect this? Maybe work in that "devotion to serving her" somehow? "...aspire to devote himself to serving her?" I don't know, but I love the insight.
ReplyDeleteCarlos
First of all: congratulations on the magnificient blog and particularly on this post. Moving on the actual issue: as per your description, Im probably a submissive husband, but one thats aspires to become devotional. My wife and I have been developing out FLR for the past year and a half, and here is the pickle: allthough I know that I shouldnt wait any punishment/funishment, the only times she puts on her domme persona is when I scr$@-up something (almost always I do it not on purpose). As Im getting better at not dissappinting her, more and more is becoming rare to see her as the domme (because she does not chooses to do so)... and, in a “skinner-behavioral” fashion, is becoming progressevly tough for me to reak the devotional level while I am getting less feedback, the better I get... any feedback would work, but as I progress, it becomes so confortable to her that she sees no need (or feels no desire) to do so.... well, sorry for the poor english (not a native speaker)... would really appreciate if you could share any insight on this scenario
ReplyDeleteKindest regards
Marcos, that is a big problem with the common view of WLM or femdom. It actually encourages guys to act in a negative manner in order to experience the domination that is craved. To correct that, your wife needs to create an ongoing environment of control and authority (this is discussed in one of my recent posts) and she can also make her domination a reward for your good behavior. For example, a reward for you could be a night where she is very strict with you and making you wait on her hand and foot. I would advise that you have an open conversation with her about this and come up with specific ideas on how she can exert her control in a a way that also benefits her. Creating simple rules for you and weekly routines is a great way to do this. Sharing articles for her to read is often a non-threatening way to introduce new ideas.
ReplyDelete