My control over my husband has become stronger and tighter over the years and it continues to tighten year after year. Each year there is more structure added to our Wife Led Marriage (WLM) either through new rules and requirements or new routines or both. He went from doing a few chores to doing almost all the chores, to being required to have the chores done by a specific time and to specific requirements defined by me. In the early years there were a few fun basic rules for him but now his entire day is shaped by rules and requirements imposed by me. This includes things such as making me coffee and breakfast in the morning, not sitting in 'my chair', taking care of all matters with my car (including filling with gas), and how he dresses. Speaking of how he dresses, I've added more outfits for him to wear. He has a discipline outfit, punishment outfit, shopping outfit, chore outfit, and footstool outfit. There are days where he may have to change into a few different outfits. Let's not forget his nakedness. At night he is required to sleep naked and I often have him doing thing for me naked, such as ironing my clothes.
In some instances existing rules or routines are dropped as new ones are added but typically as a WLM grows, there are more rules added then removed and the wife's control over the husband becomes tighter. There are many reasons that rules or routines are dropped. It could be because the existing rule is no longer needed. For example, I used to have my husband switch from boy underwear to panties when he came home from work. This helped him transition from his work day, where he is in charge, to his home life where is is subservient to me. However, when I created a new rule that he wear panties 24/7, the transition routine was no longer needed. Sometimes old rules or routines just fade away because they are not of great value or interest to me. One that comes to mind is requiring him to sit to pee. It was fun to put the rule into effect but after a few weeks I just lost interest in it. I was not going to stand over him to make sure he sat every time he went to the bathroom.
I like to try new things and so there are times where old routines or rules have to stop to make room for the new ones. Early in my WLM, I used spanking as a form of discipline. However, years later I discovered the use of corner time as an effective discipline tool. For awhile I incorporated both but I found that I preferred corner time over spanking and so corner time replaced spanking. From time-to-time I may still spank my husband but it is not part of our regular routine anymore.
Rules and routines have also changed to accommodate our changing lifestyle. Not too long ago our youngest went off to college and so that opened a whole new realm of possibilities for me. Let's just say Thomas is spending much more time naked or wearing a collar and I am much more demanding of him at home. If I am displeased with him, he gets an immediate response from me, whereas when the kids were home, I'd often wait until we were alone to reprimand him.
Lastly, the maturity of our WLM results in changes in rules or routines. Over the years, as I became more comfortable with controlling him and more confident in my dominance, I began exerting more control and creating a more structured environment for him. A big part of this evolution for me was discovering the benefits to me of tapping into his submissive desires. Once I began to embrace my dominance and experience the benefits from it, I was highly motivated to continue to dominate him.
Likewise, as he matured in his submission and became better at serving me, I was able to expect more and more of him. As noted earlier in this post, we started off with him doing just 1 or 2 chores on top of his normal husband duties. Now he does almost all the chores and so much more. If in the early years, I were to expect him to do everything that he is doing now, he would have been overwhelmed and probably frustrated. Back then he was not mature enough in his submission to take it all on. Like me, over the years he has gone through a significant change in his emotions, personality, and perspective as a result of our WLM journey that has allowed him to serve me in tremendous ways.
The point to all my rambling about rules and routines is to demonstrate that it is normal and natural for WLMs to constantly change and evolve. Rules do not have to be permanent. Routines can change. In fact, I believe that the healthiest WLMs are the ones that incorporate changes on a regular basis. There is nothing wrong with putting a routine in place for a few weeks and then changing to something different. When adding a new rule, I love to say to Thomas that "it is in effect from now until forever," but guess what....if I decide I want it to change before forever is up, then I am going to change it. The only permanent rule is that I am in charge and I get to make the rules!
Don't get me wrong, structure, regular routines and rituals are important to and necessary with submissives. However, growing the structure and adding some change is also important. This keeps the WLM exciting and fun, helps your WLM flourish, and helps you grow closer together as a couple. Men respond well to a combination of routine and variety. Too much routine and they get bored. Too much variety and they lose focus and become unmanageable. You have to find the right balance that works for you and realize that the right balance will likely change over time due to all of the factors mentioned in this post. Discovering that right balance is all part of the wonderful WLM journey. Keep experimenting and have fun with it!
-Mz Kaylee
Mz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteMy Queen asked that I post her compliments for your wonderful post. She feels you have expressed well how WLMs mature over time as a woman gains confidence and understanding of her husband.
Since you use “corner time” as your present and primary method of discipline but also state, “From time-to-time” you spank your husband My Queen wonders what would cause you to spank Thomas rather than give him corner time. Is it for emphasis for something he has done or are you you just changing it up?
Thank you again for Avery insightful post.
sw
This is a great explanation of how -- and why -- a WLM needs to develop over time. Since most WLMs start with the husband's fantasy, the early WLM needs to fulfill that fantasy to deepen his submission so he can take on tasks that were never part of his fantasy.
ReplyDeleteKaylee, you mention the bathroom. Both tony and I found it funny that my first set of rules started with the bathroom! Including that he would clean all toilets and sit to pee.
Like you, I don't monitor the sit to pee rule. But woe to him if I find a drop on the toilet rim! And if it is on the seat, meaning he did not lift the seat to pee nor did he bother to clean it, then it's the paddling of his life!
I also have told him to warn his friends when they are over that there is no "spillage" in my house. The consequence is that I report the transgression to their wives.
More later about your great post.
Trina
Trina, since this friends already know you ground him since you make him tell them if he has to cancel plans, why not tell these fellow wives that you ground him for such transgressions also and maybe even suggest they consider doing the same for their husbands? You could plant some seeds there. Just a thought.
Delete- Trent
We have begun having those conversations. I think I will write a guest post about that.
DeleteTrina
Excellent. I can't wait to read it.
Delete- Trent
Walt = Be sure to thank your Queen for me for he compliments. I appreciate them! As far as spanking goes, I'd sat it is a little of both. I will spank instead of using corner time if I am in the mood but there has been at least one occasion where he has received both a spanking and corner time (because spoke to me in an unacceptable tone).
ReplyDeleteTrina- The bathroom was one my fist rules for my hubby. I was so happy be done with cleaning bathrooms! I like your rule about having your husband warn his friends. Thomas has been trained to always put the toilet seat down. I can tell when we have male guests in our house because the seat is left up. Perhaps I'll let Thomas know that he will be held accountable anytime the seat is up, regardless of who does it. My subtle way of telling him to warn his friends :)
ReplyDeleteMz Kaylee
ReplyDeleteI change the rules from time to time to keep Phil on his toes. With the exception of meal preparation, he does all the housework and shopping. He is a clean freak by nature, and told me he loves doing the work. That's good because it is his job permanently. I'm a little less strict about allowing him some time to be with his friends (they love the outdoors) because he does so much work. I'm flexible with certain expectations, but I'm won't tolerate things not getting done, if that makes sense. Phil also knows how I'll respond if the tries to trick me or lie and I'm confident he never does.
With job stress and Mistress Joan to answer to, he needs a break and earns the downtime I permit. With that said, he knows to conduct himself properly and avoid any and all problems, especially when the men are out in the forest camping and having a few beers. I think his friends are fairly sure of who exactly wears the pants in our marriage. They are very well behaved and gentlemen in my home.
Joan
Joan - You make a very good point about down time and time with friends. I believe it is important and healthy for him to have a social life with his guy friends. Plus I also enjoy having the time to myself. I take a similar approach with my husband that you do. As long as he keeps up with his chores and responsibilities and is good for me, he can hang with his friends. It still requires permission from me and he must choose wisely how often or when he wants to socializes with them. He is smart enough to forgo activities when he knows it will impact what I want or his ability to do his chores. Not all guys are that smart and so I do believe in some WLMs, the wife may need to take a stricter stance on social time.
DeleteI know you said you don't force him to tell his friends the real reason he can't come hang out with him when he's grounded, but I wonder what his reaction would be if you threatened it. Maybe even the treat would be enough to shake him into action. Say if he has some big event planned with them but he's shirking large amounts of chores. Saying something like "Either get these chores done or you're grounded, and you'll tell your friends that you when you call to cancel with them or I will". The only problem is if he puts you in a position of having to follow through on the threat and you're still not feeling it's right for you, too. But again, even the threat of something THAT embarrassing would almost certainly shake him into action. It's at the point where when I get on trouble with Hazel, I pretty much beg her to spank me instead of grounding me. Half the time she does, but the other half? It still sucks. For the major things, which almost never happen due to her strict system, she will do both.
Delete- Trent
Regarding cleaning toilets, washing bathroom floors, and keeping seeks and vanities spotless: It was my appeal that my Queen should never, for the rest of Her life, do these things that really changed our marriage from sometimes “playing” Femdom games in the bedroom to Her becoming more comfort being in charge in the house and taking control of my orgasms. I realize now that I had to show Her my willingness to submit, and how it benefits Her. I LOVE to please HER! Edwin
ReplyDelete(sinks and vanities)
ReplyDeleteGreat approach Edwin and one that works.
ReplyDeleteOurs have definitely evolved and it sounds like in a fairly typical fashion, with my wife becoming more comfortable over the years assigning more tasks, raising her standards for consistency and quality for those tasks, and also punishing (or rewarding) my efforts. I too started with bathrooms, but after the pandemic when I began to work from home my wife decided to transition every chore over to me. And in the past year or so that has evolved in cleaning the house and apartment, respectively, of her two closest girlfriends every weekend while they hang out, shop, etc.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is also responsible for cleaning the toilets, bathtub and the entire bathroom. It includes spraying air freshener, putting fresh towels. If the cleaning is not up to mark, he is spanked to tears and has to redo it no matter what the time is. One evening he had to spend almost 3 hours to bring it up to my standards.
ReplyDeleteOther than my inner wear and shoes, socks which are handwashed, he is allowed to use machine for the rest.
We have a maid who comes in for all other chores. She knows the areas reserved for hubby and often smilingly reminds him if he has missed any lingerie for handwasj.
One of my husband's biggest weakness is to make snide remarks or lose his temper. I started by making him keep a bar of soap for every transgression, but realized it may be unhealthy; considering the frequency. Now I have replaced it with inserting a pacifier in his moth, which he is not allowed to remove without permission. I have done this in the presence of lady friend and both his and my mom and sisters and our house aid. He is left blushing and embarrassed.
Like others, I allow him time out with his friends, if his behaviour has been good and chores completed in time to my satisfaction. However even his friends know that my permission is required. I keep him on edge, by sometimes withdrawing it at the last moment or calling him back home mid way thru a game or an evening. It serves to remind him of his obedience.
Of late, I have encouraged him to go to bed by nine, wake up early and exercise for an hour before he wakes me up with coffee. He is putting on weight. He protested, but I immediately upped the ante.
Now every evening, even when a female guest is at home, he has to come to me and ask for permission to go o bed. I tease him by asking him if he has peed, sometimes check his bottom for cleanliness, and then insert a pacifier in his mouth, and go with him to tuck him in. He knows not to remove his pacifier till I come to bed, or he sleeps.
I find the pacifier an effective tool to control his speech and keep him in place. He becomes a small baby looking to please his mom. Initially he felt humiliated, but now accepts that it is part of his rules and meant to teach him his place.
Love
Asha
Asha, lots of interesting information and ideas in your comment. Thank you for sharing. Has your husband gotten better at not losing his temper or making snide remarks? If the frequency of punishment is not reducing then, you may need a more stern punishment or it may require some form of training to get him to improve?
DeleteOn another note, since I have started using the pacifier for training, I enjoyed reading about your use of the pacifier. I had not heard of anyone else using a pacifier as a training or discipline mechanism. I had only read where people use it for baby play. It is great to share these ideas.
Lastly, I am fascinated with your openness of your domination of him in front of others. While my friends and family do notice that I am the lead in the marriage, I do not publicly punish or humiliate him. I am just not comfortable with it. I am always fascinated with those that do. I know many of the readers and guest authors of this blog are more public with their domination and I enjoy learning about it.
I have never publicly punished tony and don't humiliate him for humiliation's sake, but if it happens as a side effect of his behavior or of my needs, so be it. For instance, I expect him to be at my beck and call in public: I wave at him to fill my drink at parties. He carries my bags shopping. He bends down and fixes the strap on my heels. He rushes to open doors. He acts as a butler, waiter, and maid when my girlfriends come over, and speaks only when spoken to and uses courtesy titles such as Miss and Ma'am. If he finds any of these things humiliating, that's his problem, not my intent.
DeleteI know he is humilated when he has to call his friends and tell them when I have forbid him from going out, but if he had finished his chores or not backtalked me or saved enough money for the event (or whatever the reason for my refusal), then he wouldn't be facing humiliation.
More recently my girlfriends have been asking more about how I have trained my model husband, since they want their husbands to be more like him, so he and I have had several long conversations about what I might reveal about our WLM. I will write a guest post about that.
Trina
I think it's incredible how many wives make their husbands take over bathroom cleaning as one of the first changes in a developing WLM.
ReplyDeleteWhen I think about it, though, it makes a lot of sense. Cleaning the bathroom has been considered the wife's chore since the invention of indoor plumbing. And wives have resented it all that time!
In our home, the husband takes care of all poop. He scoops the back yard of dog poop, changes the kitty litter, plunges stopped toilets, and cleans all toilets at least once a week, ans more as needed. Sometimes I will watch him scrub the toilets in his apron, with his bare butt jiggling, often red from a motivational spanking, and his penis waggling, often erect from a motivational wanking. Oh, the life of a wife in a WLM!
The bathroom was area number two, right after learning the vacuum cleaner when my training began. To this day keeping the bathrooms sparkly is to be of top priority. To this day she just drops the wet towels on the floor, along with any clothing, and leaves her hair drier, toothpaste, etc on the counter top for me to deal with. Soon after starting our FLM, twice she pinched, and twisted my left ear, and marched me in there then watched, and instructed me as I cleaned the shower, and the toilet a second time while she instructed me on how it was to be done to her standards. I would have preferred a leather belt over that humiliation!
DeleteAs I have related, tony and I started with just one routine: I spanked him at least weekly. While he got erect both before and after, he wanted to be spanked quite hard with implements. He also wanted it to have some punishment aspect. My initial goal was to have a marriage with little argument, with any spat settled quickly in my favor. So if he raised his voice to me or said anything rude or kept arguing after I said enough, I paddled him until he chose to see it my way. If no discord ensued for a week, he got his promised paddling anyway.
ReplyDeleteThis worked well and was our only rule and routine for many months. I obviously had the power in our marriage, but was not using it to my full advantage. He worked outside the home and I didn't, so I took care of the house like the typical housewife. That seemed "fair." I had not yet realized that neither of us cared much about fairness in our budding WLM and both of us would be turned on by me being unfair!
Trina
So true Trina! One of my goals with this blog is to help women understand the real power they have and to learn how to wield it. This includes learning to be unfair and be comfortable with it. It is a hard concept to understand and even harder to put into practice but as you know, once you do....it opens up a whole new wonderful world. Thank you for helping to spread this message!
DeleteFor me, the revelation happened when I read Lady Misato's treatise "Real Women Don't Do Housework" and heard the concept of the husband as Knight to his wife, the Queen. What husband doesn't want to be Sir Lancelot?
DeleteMy Queen should NEVER be expected to clean up after me, especially in the bathroom. I truly believe She is superior to me, so for me, I believe it is a privilege to be allowed to serve Her. I am almost entirely motivated by the desire to please Her and rewards She allows me, so punishments are rare, and mostly involve withholding the privilege of oral worship, nursing, or taking away my panties and requiring me to wear boy underwear. Edwin
ReplyDeleteIt's instructive and somewhat surprising to go back and create a timeline of when various aspects of the relationship were introduced. When everything changes slowly it can feel like a settled routine, but it adds up to a lot of change in the aggregate. The unilateral power for a wife to change the rules is a sort of "rule 0" that makes her authority authentic instead of being a negotiated scene. It's a little like the scene in Star Wars when Darth Vader says "I'm altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it further..."
ReplyDeleteOne of the advantages of having this kind of intentionality about lifestyle choices is that certain things that would otherwise "just happen" and feel like a lost spark in the marriage can be recaptured by the power-exchange dynamic. Having a big house with children results in a lot of extra work, and a natural consequence of moving through middle age is changing hormones and loss of energy late at night. But instead of feeling like "we're getting old and boring and never have sex", that becomes a story about how "we're shifting into a WLM that revolves around service submission and chastity". Otherwise miserable stuff like having to do endless laundry and dishes gets absorbed into that dynamic. It's a kind of universal solvent that soaks up the hardships of life and repackages them into a narrative of purposefulness and playfulness.
Mr. Holly, I just read your profile. Awesome that a Christian educator is studying such things! My husband and I are Christians and are very interested about how our WLM intersects with Ephesians 5 and other Bible verses. I don't bring it up on blogs because it is instantly controversial and results in hard feelings. Maybe you can refer us to good resoutces on these topics. Plus you may want to hear what we have to say about the husband as servant-leadwr who delegates authority. You can reach us at trinaandtony21 @ gmail dot com
DeleteE Holly - well said! Fantastic insights.
ReplyDelete