Before, I get into the next phase of Thomas's training, I want to point out something that I should have in the previous post. MK left a comment on my last post that reminded me that gags cause a lot of drool. Something I learned in researching what gag to buy was that drooling is actually what many dominants want as it adds to the humiliation of the sub. My goal with the training was not to cause Thomas to drool but was about having something forced into his mouth so that he could not talk. I also read that gags can be very uncomfortable and should not be worn for long periods of time. Many sites recommended no more than 20 minutes. This would not meet the needs of my training so I did not buy a traditional gag. Instead I bought the Tantus Beginner Ball Gag pictured below. This is a very small bag and so it was not painful to wear and caused minimal drool. The gag actually did not get rave reviews because of how small it was and many considered it not be a real gag. However, it was perfect for what I wanted to accomplish.
Pacifier Conditioning
In my last post, I shared how I used a small gag to train my husband at doing better with no talking on silent days. I'll refer to the next phase of his training as Pacifier Conditioning because the objective is to use a pacifier to remind and condition him not to talk on silent days. In addition to no talking on silent days, I also planned to use the pacifier to condition him to only speak to me with purpose or to compliment me or say things that are positive and uplifting. This would be a long-term permanent behavior change to teach him to never waste my time with useless information or information that I do not care about (you guys are good at spewing useless information to us). If you recall, in my last post I mentioned that I purchased 2 adult baby pacifiers - 1 blue pacifier and 1 pink pacifier.
I chose the next Saturday (after his gag training) to start the conditioning. After my coffee Saturday morning, I had him strip naked, put on his pink sissy panties, and kneel before me with his hands behind his back. I enjoy seeing him in this submissive position. I chose to use the pink pacifier because the baby girl theme added additional humiliation that I knew would get his arousal going. I ordered him to open his mouth and then I pushed it into his mouth. I let him know that similar to the gag, I was the only one allowed to remove it. I giggled seeing him with the pacifier and teased that he was my cute baby girl. I explained that the pacifier would be a regular part of his submissive life going forward. On every silent day (or night) he would be required to wear the pacifier at the start of the day or night as a mental reminder of him to remain silent. I would decide when it would be removed and once removed it would be up to him to remain silent unless I asked him a direct question. If he spoke inappropriately the pacifier would go back in his mouth. This rule would be in effect forever, unless I decide otherwise. I also explained that if I felt the pacifier was being used too much, then I would go back to the ball gag training.
I did not tell him yet about using the pacifier to condition him to be purposeful in what he says to me. We have talked about this concept in the past but I've never enforced it. I felt the pacifier would be a great method to enforce purposeful talking. However, I first wanted to condition him to not talk on silent days. I really enjoy taking a slow and methodological approach to training and conditioning him. It ensures he is trained properly and it is also exciting for him to have new trainings added over time. As he had confessed to me many years ago, slowly being molded and influenced by my feminine power was a huge erotic rush for him.
On that first Saturday, I had him wear the pacifier for about 40 minutes. I figured that was enough to get his mind focused on being silent. I might add that his cock remained hard for most of that 40 minutes. He did good at being quiet the rest of the day. There was only one time where he forgot to be quiet and asked me a question. As soon as he asked the question, her realized his mistake and put his hand up to his mouth and said he was sorry. I smiled and said "too late." I pulled the pacifier out of my pocket and pushed it into his mouth and sent him to kneel in the corner for 5 minutes. After corner time I again commented at how cute the baby girl pacifier looked in his mouth and that it matched his pink panties. His cock was hard again. lol! I made him keep it in for another 20 minutes. This type of conditioning with the pacifier has continued for the past few weeks and will continue without end. I've been implementing silent times at least once a week, either at night or on the weekend.
With the silent talking training done and the pacifier conditioning implemented, my last step was to implement the purposeful taking training. I chose to introduce this about three weeks after I first pushed the pink pacifier into his mouth. One night when my husband was rambling about work, after about 5 minutes of aimless talk, I shushed him and told him I did not want to hear anymore. Like a good boy, he immediately clammed up. I then had him follow me to the bedroom and kneel. I think he was surprised when I pulled out the blue pacifier and shoved it into mouth. I then gave him "the talk" about how he needs to learn to only talk to me about important things and things that add value to my life. I made it clear that I did want him to tell me if there was something of concern to him or if he needed to vent to me about something. That was important to me. However, I instructed him that as a Goddess, I should not be bothered with aimless rambling. Going forward, I would use the pacifier to train and condition him to only speak with purpose. It would start with him having to wear the pacifier if I felt he was wasting my time. If over time, he did not become better at speaking with purpose, in addition to him wearing a pacifier, a punishment would be added. He silently nodded that he understood and of course....his cock was bulging in his pants. I made him wear the pacifier for 30 minutes that night.
The pacifier conditioning has been a lot of fun for me. I found myself looking for opportunities to push it into his mouth because it was so much fun to silence him. I think one of the most surprising moments for him was when he was driving me to his parents house, He began rambling during the drive and I pulled the pacifier out of my purse and put it in his mouth. He was shocked that I had the pacifier with me. I think he was also a little embarrassed to be driving in public with a pacifier in his mouth. I had a good laugh and told him, "Don't worry, it's dark out. No one can see you."
He is doing much better at being quiet on silent days. Having the pacifier in his mouth at the start of the silent period, even it is for just 10 minutes, helps shift his mental state into silent mode, and if he starts to slip up, well then he'll be wearing it longer. I also have him wear the pacifier sometimes when he massages me, just for fun. I enjoy putting it in his mouth and seeing him wearing it. I am also excited about the longer-term conditioning of having him speak with purpose or to compliment me. I intend to eventually expand this to when he talks with other people. If I hear him rambling to others (especially females) or saying stupid or inappropriate things, then he will be wearing the pacifier on the ride home. I always keep one in my purse and I purchased another to store in the glove compartment of the car. This is a work in progress and I find it exciting that I am using my dominance to mold him.
-Mz Kaylee.
Mz Kaylee, My wife needs to do this to me. It would help me to learn to never argue with her and be a better listener. I doubt she ever would but your story reminds me that I need to be a better sub and listen more and talk less
ReplyDeletemk
That's a good use of the pacifier. In the past, I've ended arguments by either sending Thomas to the corner or threatening to send him. Now I won't hesitate to pull out the pacifier if he starts to argue and have him sit on the couch, or kneel, with it in his mouth until he calms down. It's very empowering to abruptly end arguments like this. However, the truth is we rarely ever argue anymore.
ReplyDeleteThis training regimen is impressive. It also shows me what a wide variation exists in WLM. I would never use a pacifier; my husband is not a baby and I don't want him looking like one. But I understand it works well for some couples. Whatever makes for an obedient husband!
ReplyDeleteTrina
Yes, you have to do what works best for you and what resonates the best for you. I will say that the pacifier just happened to be a tool that met my needs for the training. My focus was not to "baby" him but rather to have something easy to put in his mouth as a reminder not to talk. The pacifier worked perfect for this and was easy for me to stow in my pocket or purse. I knew there was a bit of humiliation attached to it and that it would arouse him so I did play into the baby theme slightly but that was more subtle and not the focus. For me it added some fun to the training. However, for those opposed to using a pacifier, a sports mouth guard would also be an effective item to use.
DeleteDear Mz Kaylee, this is a very ingenious behaviour modification strategy! Please may I ask if he suckles on the pacifier or does it just remain in his mouth? Sissy Jenna
ReplyDeleteI didn't pay much attention but I am sure there were times where he did suckle it. Seems like it would be a natural reaction.
DeleteI know this has been said many times on this blog, but here is my succinct statement: "The secret to husband obedience is to sexualize it."
ReplyDeleteTrina
Trina, I agree 100% with your statement. I would do ANYTHING for my wife if she would sexualize our WLM more. I try to convince her I need more ass worship and more spanking with little success. Some would say that trying to persuade your wife to sexualize your WLM to a greater degree is topping from the bottom. Maybe it is. But If I didn't push it then there would have been no tease and denial and no spanking at all. There has to be something in it for me and I need sexual excitement in our WLM. Just being honest. I have been fiercely attacted for making a statement like this on other femdom websites.
Deletemk
MK - I support topping from the bottom in the instance where the wife is new to femdom and learning. However, it comes with caution to not push it too far. The challenge for the guy is to know when to dial it back and for the guy to embrace and appreciate the dominance his wife is doing, even if it is in small doses. The guy must also look at what is in it for her (and spanking you, being dominant to you, and having you worship her ass is not a benefit to her). Unfortunately it seems that most guys get it wrong and expect too much and are only focused on what they want out of it.
DeleteOf course we submissive men are not REALLY babies, nor are we little boys who “really” must be instructed, managed, spanked, punished, given corner time, etc. And many of us, like myself, function in the “real” world as competent adults and professionals. However, I know that my Wife is superior to me and I crave Her humiliation of me and demonstrations of Her authority. For Her to humiliate me by requiring me to suck on a pacifier, or for her to require periods of silence from me, would be accepted by me as a demonstration of my submission and the sharp contrast in the power in our our relationship. Although infantilism per se is not my kink, the humiliation of being silenced in such a dramatically humiliating manner would not only impress me of Her power and creativity, but (like Thomas) would arouse me. (And my Wife would also find this most amusing.) Edwin
ReplyDeleteMy wife doesn't need to resort to such measures to embarrass me. Her current methods do just find on their own. The first time she made me tell my friends I couldn't go out with them because I was grounded and watched as I made the call, I almost cried and it was easily the most embarrassing thing I had experienced in my adult life up to that point. She did not buckle and made it clear that she would require that every time she grounded me. She also makes it a rule that she will take the phone and tell them herself if I refuse or wimp out. The only thing worse for a man my age than having to tell your friends you can't come out because you're grounded is watching your wife tell them with a smirk on her face. I've begged her time and again to reconsider, but her logic is that embarrassment is part of punishment and makes it something more likely to be avoided. She is correct. I practically beg her to spank me every time she decides to go the other way with it. I have also strived to be a better husband for her as a result. As I've indicated in past posts, she goes easier on me than many Wife Led Marriages concerning certain things, but she made it clear from the start that she was not going to keep it a secret either. All our friends and family know and are more accepting of it than I thought they'd be. I guess it really is becoming more mainstream.
ReplyDelete- Trent
Trent, how have your male friends reacted to this? Does your wife dominate you in front of her friends?
Deletemk
Trent,
DeleteTony also finds it extremely embarrassing to tell his friends he has been grounded by his wife. And I also listen in and threaten to tell them myself if he doesn't. That has been rare, because even the threat of grounding improves his behavior dramatically. But I also make him call to turn down invitations for other reasons, such as he hasn't saved enough money to pay for the event, or I will not let him out of his chores for the evening, or that I just want him around serving me instead of being gone. Why should I give up my nightly massage and multiple orgasms on his tongue so he can go to some stupid game? He still has to tell them that I said no, though I don't make him tell the reason unless he is grounded. He misses about half of the things he is invited to, and his friends have gotten used to the friend they call pussy-whipped.
Trina
MK: They react in a similar manner to Tony's friends. I've gotten the whole "Pussy whipped" spiel many times. I've even told a funny story about it in a reply to a previous post if you care to hear. As far as her own friends knowing, they do. Her remaining family as well. There have been many instances of her friends visiting where I'm absent cleaning the bathroom or something similar. Half the time I'm present during such visits, I'll be the one bringing them drinks or snacks if they ask. One of the last times her friends came by, it was after dinner (She cooked it that night). She let me relax in my recliner for a few minutes while they talked on the couch, but after that she told me to go wash the dishes and take the trash out. I am required to answer her with "Ma'am" regardless of who is around, so I said yes, ma'am and went to do it. It was embarrassing at first, but I'm at peace with it now. It's what works best for us. I'm a happier, healthier man overall. I take joy in the fact that it is a redemption of sorts for her after her previous abusive marriage.
Delete- Trent
Trina: I have to admit that it is strangely comforting to know I'm not the only one out there who goes through that. So far, you and Tony are the only couple I've seen in WLM circles who use the exact same method as my wife in that regard. You say you make him do this under threat of telling them yourself if he won't when grounded. I find myself curious as to whether or not you've ever had to follow through on that threat because he was unable to bring himself to it? Also, you say you also require him to tell them the reason why after he tells them of his grounding. What reasons have those been, may I ask? Sorry for asking so many questions, but I value your insight as the only other person who operates on the same level as my wife. I agree that you should not be deprived and that it's still fair that he gets to attend half the outings with his buddies that he wants, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel bad for him having to tell his friends that. To this day, it is humiliating when I have to do it and I feel for the guy.
Delete- Trent
The first time I told him to call each of his buddies and tell them he was grounded, he refused. I don't take well to bring refused. I put him over my knee and gave him the hairbrushing of his life. When he still didn't agree I sent him for the bath brush and after 25 or so swats on top of the hairbrushing, he agreed, though he had to wait almost an hour until his tearful voice returned to normal. It wasn't until later that I got the idea of threatening him with the call myself. I did actually start to to do so once, but he took the phone before his buddy answered. I do sometimes giggle loud enough on purpose so that the buddy knows I am right there. I don't make him relate the reasons for his grounding unless his buddies ask, which they do occassionally. He looks so sheepish when he has to say somrthing like, "I backsassed her." I think his buddies like having a pussywhipped friend because it makes them feel superior. But they do NOT like it when their wives ask them, "Why can't you be more like Tony?"
DeleteTrina
Dear Mz Kaylee,
ReplyDeleteHave you considered getting a clip-on pacifier? That way, anytime you need to put it in his mouth, he can then spend the rest of the day with the pacifier dangling from it's string that is clipped to his shirt.
An interesting idea. It could work on days when we are at home.
DeleteTHE COMMENT BELOW IS FROM MARCEL:
ReplyDeletei'd like to share something that has worked for us: "BEST" training, where the submissive is conditioned to deeper things than behavior: emotions, self-image and thoughts. Behavior is the main visible thing and the hardest thing to change, but adding the other dimensions makes for a deeper change/conditioning.
The theory is not mine, it used to be online, and it was problematic to read as it related to Male Dom/Fem slaves. But the main points were valid:
Emotions: sub should have positive emotions being a sub
Self-image: sub must be happy/proud of his role, find fulfillment being the best sub he can
Thoughts: sub must rationally accept and justify his position and his Goddess'
You are of course already doing that. Knowing this theory just adds some very intentional comments/tasks. For example, along with the pacifier training, comments like these would train the other 3 dimensions:
You should be very happy that you stayed silent and only talked with purpose. I am very happy. Are you happy? (then, as you pat him or give him nice touches) Does it feel good to be a silent slave for your Goddess?
You are only fulfilled when you serve your Goddess because you are submissive and you are mine. It's okay, you are a submissive and belong to me. That's perfectly fine. You should be a proud submissive when you do a good job of giving your life for me. Isn't it wrong when a submissive doesn't serve his Goddess? It makes no sense, yuck.
Every morning, take 5 minutes to reflect and list five things you'll do to make my day better. Also, write some ideas as if you were trying to convince another husband to submit to his Goddess.
i experienced the advantages of 'deeper' conditioning by absolutely loving an activity my Goddess loved but i hated and it was our only disagreement. It's related to a group She loves to participate in. Of course, being a sub at heart, i did it many times, but always resisted it inside and did the minimum, finding excuses. But as our WLM progressed, She started asking the 'hard' questions: "why would you feel bad if you are doing something your Queen wants?" i found the discordance problematic and quickly realized i wasn't submitting completely, then i found there were some negative emotions and self-image hesitations that stopped me. It took some time, but thanks to my Queen the bad emotions and thoughts/prejudices were gone. It took time, but now i absolutely embrace Her participation and i am truly joyful (as She is). i love learning about Her activities, i go there as much as i can, i know and love Her friends and They are very important to me, i support and help Her and Her friends. It all makes sense, it all matches my submissive nature and my full life is aligned. i even left my main hobby to fully embrace Her main hobby.
For Her, this is very empowering. She enjoys when i desperately beg to go with Her when She knows i had an 'important' appointment on my hobby. Some days She purposely makes me argue why i should be allowed to go to Her group. This deeper conditioning has also let us talk/discuss other ideas. For example, as i started enjoying being around Her friends, i felt 'attracted' to one (simple attraction and i never acted improperly or anything) ... and i mentioned it to my Queen. She calmly explained part of it was natural, and taught me how to love people 'without the penis', as it is Her property. Again, She led me to identify and correct emotions, reinforce my self-image as Her sub and eliminate wrong thoughts. It has helped me lots as many women note a 'good vibe' very different than most men.
Thank You for Your great blog!
Mz Kaylee, I’m curious how this training is going and if it’s having the desired effect that you were after. The idea that you are causing changes to not only behavior but to thoughts is very interesting and takes things to whole different level.
ReplyDeleteSo far so good! He is much better with his silent times. I was using it 2 or 3 times a week to silence his nonsense talk, which we would get a little laugh out of each time. I enjoy how submissive he immediately becomes once I put the pacifier in his mouth. His quietness often lingered for awhile after I removed the pacifier. He is improving because now I only use the pacifier once every 1 - 2 weeks to silence him. He has started to ask me permission to discuss certain topics. I like this new behavior because it shows that he has become more thoughtful and aware of what he talks to me about. I will usually grant permission but there are times where I will cut him off and tell him that he has shared enough and I don't want anymore talking from him. So yes, his behavior is changing and I must confess, I am enjoying this added control that I am exerting over him. It is a powerful feeling to silence him :).
ReplyDeleteThat’s so interesting that it is having an effect even when not in use. I can see why that’s happening, but when you say your enjoying the additional control that pushed it to the next level. So simple for you to put in his place and requires very little effort on your part. That’s what this lifestyle is about, empowering you ladies to have things your way with little effort. I’m sure that he loves and dislikes every time you do it.
ReplyDeleteI like how you find a bit of humor in some of the reflex reactions from your husband, as it is rather humorous sometimes how we react to our wives.