Teaching Him How To Play the Banjo (Guest Post by AJ)

As many of you now know, oral sex, that is, my receiving oral sex from my husband, is extremely dominant in our lovemaking. We only engage in PIV sex rarely these days. Once a year with his penis directly (one of his 3 full allowed orgasms), and perhaps another dozen times a year, where I enjoy him pegging me with the strap-on when I get that special urge for having something other than his mouth penetrating my pussy. On his end, he receives oral sex from me only once a year. So oral sex, him giving and me receiving, is very core to our sexual relationship. Oral sex dominates our relationship for several reasons. First, as a means of ensuring and building his tease and denial in our long term chastity relationship (his chastity). It obviously is needed to sustain and drive that dynamic. Denying him sexual access to his penis is important and vital for how we have come to enjoy our relationship. Secondly, I am able to achieve orgasms, and in fact frequently multiple orgasms, from oral sex just about every single time we engage in it. We engage in it very frequently. So yeah, I want and rely upon it for my sexual satisfaction.

I like my analogy of satisfying a woman with oral sex to the skills required for playing  the banjo. There is a lot of rhythmic strumming and coordinated finger work  involved in both activities. You just can’t flay away at the strings of either without a clue and expect good sound to come out.  The same applies with satisfying a pussy. And.... how many good banjo players are out there? Its a pretty small group based on the total population - that's my experience with my sampling of sexual partners over the years including my own husband in the earlier years of our marriage. Good pussy eaters are few and far between, I think. From my conversation over the years with my girlfriends as well as my own earlier findings, its hard to find a man who can consistently make you cum from his abilities in this department. Who's to blame? It doesn't really matter is my take on this. What we should focus on is corrected this grievous situation.

This is my take on turning my husband into an excellent cunnilingust. Communication.  Yes COMMUNICATION is the key and answer to this entire issue. Our sexual experiences didn't take a drastic turn to the better until I started verbally and physically communicating with my husband on what exactly he had to do with his tongue, mouth and fingers to make me orgasm. That was an evolution and an evolution brought on in my case by us going to this FLR lifestyle. I had to get over my aversion to potentially hurting his feelings and I needed to give him play by play game calling as he was in the process of strumming my banjo. Think about it. How does he really know what to do down there? What formal schooling has he had? Most men acquire whatever skill set they have in this area through a trial and error process (mostly error) with a mostly quiet and complacent partner who is not really giving them any real constructive criticism or feedback. As result they mostly make it up as they go along. They develop and ingrain all sorts of bad habits along the way. The end result from that, we don’t get our needed orgasms the vast majority of the time. Its a total fluke when it does occur. As my husband and I became more in depth with the entire FLR lifestyle I lost my sexual and personal passivity. I become outspoken, confident, and assertive. I no longer accepted failure as a routine outcome. I demanded and expected better from him. Men, most men I think, are far more thick skinned about this then us women would believe. Men, like my man, in fact get quite turned on by being explicitly directed and told what to do in this area. Every oral encounter we now have involves me verbally and physically coaching my husband on what he should be doing down there at any given instance of time. That includes today where 99.9% of the time he is able to give me at least one orgasm this way if not two or three. Its completely  routine for me to orgasm today. That was not always the case - not even close. But today I tell him:

"lick harder"

"lick softer"

"stay in that spot and don’t you fricken move until I tell you to"

"suck my clit"

"suck my pussy lips"

"suck on my breasts"

"put your finger in my ass"

"wiggle your finger around"

"lick my ass out"

"lick top to bottom"

"lick bottom to top"

"lick side to side"

"its starting to hurt, move to a different spot"

"keep licking"

"stop for a second until I tell you to start again"

"let me see your caged cock"

"are you dripping right now, let me see it"

"taste it"

"put your tongue in deeper"

"deeper"

"blow on it"

"your blowing to hard"

"pinch my nipples"

"grab my ass"

"etc, etc"

You have to tell him and instruct him while he is actively in his process of delivering the goods. That’s when my husbands oral game went to that next level for us. It continues today. Gone are the days of me laying there and hoping for the best. Once you begin directing him this way, he will slowly learn and pick up his techniques along the way. Good skills not those clumsy ones which he always assumed worked but didn't. As women, we also know that our orgasm isn't quite as easy and repetitive as his. Unlike him where if you stroke the genies bottle long enough, that your guaranteed that the genie is going to pop out eventually, it doesn't work that way for us. We need foreplay prior. Our pussy changes day to day with our mood and excitement. Yesterday a strong lick was the ticket, today its a softer one. Tomorrow its that finger in the ass at the strategic moment. It really does vary day by day with us with what makes us pops goes the weasel. That’s why its important for us as wives and girlfriends to continue the active coaching and feedback with every session. It yields results. Be loud and vocal. In no uncertain terms tell him when he is doing good and when he is doing bad (for sure when he is doing it wrong or its just not working). Grab him by the hair and move his mouth where you need it. Press those knees into the side of his head to encourage him. Encourage him. Paddle his backside with that ridding crop. Give him a quick beat when hes doing something right. Beat him harder when hes getting close. In no ambiguous terms let him know when he is hitting that sweet spot today. Don’t accept failure as an option. My man knows that if he doesn't give me that orgasm, that there will be repercussions. His butt will feel the flame from my paddle or belt. His knees will feel the pain from scrubbing the kitchen floor. He knows, so he performs to expectation. More importantly, once he begins to know what he is doing down there, once he begins to get good at it, he really does begin to take real pride in his work. He WANTS to give you that orgasm, its immensely important to him. It satisfies his ego, his virility, and in my husbands case, it satisfies him sexually. My orgasm is indeed his orgasm these days. He feels it mentally and physically, he gets his own sexual and mental euphoria when I orgasm. Its that important. So once the free flow of communication gets there,  his heart, his mind and his tongue will closely follow. You will start having those orgasms - all of the time, routinely and not fleetingly.

What else helps?

Don’t smell like last years tuna catch down there. Keep it fresh for him. If your going to include in his regimen rimming your ass, give that a quick sudsy finger before you hit the bed. Make it inviting for him, it really helps him and you both. It allows you to relax, it allows him to focus on whats important. Sometimes we do have that sweaty just back from a jog or exercise sex. Fresh out of working in the garden sex. Sometimes that does punch the clock, but usually its a bit more controlled.

At the same time, even for my husband who knows he isn't going to be on the receiving end, insist that he also keeps himself fresh. It doesn't exactly get my juices flowing to have a putrid man in my bed with me. I do like a light manly stink on him. But I don't want BO city. I don’t want crumbs falling out of his ass. Brush those teeth, I don’t want garlic breath on me.  Keep it clean and fresh bud.

Always be vocal in your lovemaking. No one get energized from licking a cold dead fish. Show your energy, show your passion. Cheer him on. Praise him when he makes you cum. Scold him when he doesn't. Show energy and passion, its contagious. He will step his game up when he gets this sort of active encouragement. My man loves it when I talk dirty to him. I love it when I talk dirty to him, it turns me on as well. Get into the game don’t sit passively on the sidelines.

In my particular case. It really turns me on immensely to see him always hot and horny. All of that tease and denial is my foreplay. When I see his cock dripping its pre-cum from excitement, that excites me. It helps get me in the mood. I like seeing his cock straining in its cage. The bulging engorged skin pushing out from between the bars. It tells me he wants and enjoys it. Believe me, this isn't an issue in our house.

I enjoy taking my man. I don’t always wait for bedtime. Frequently, I just grab him by the ear or by his caged package and just push down my pants and tell him to get busy with me standing there right in front of him. What could be or feel more sexy that that? Spontaneity is important and invigorating. Its exciting. Take control, he really wants you to. This will greatly enhance his performance and delivery.

Hope some of these tips helps out. I know that oral sex is a big winner in my house and I really believe that what I wrote above was key for us to achieve that. Enjoy your orgasm.

AJ