One of the great benefits of a Female Led Relationship (FLR) is that it creates an environment of regular communication. At least that has been my experience. As the leader I have no hesitation with sharing my feelings and expectations with Thomas. He is also comfortable sharing his feelings and thoughts with me. It is important to point out that FLR does not mean the submissive's voice and opinions are not heard and taken into consideration. Perhaps some people run their relationship that way but I would challenge that a relationship like that will not last or is not healthy. A healthy relationship includes two way communications. There certainly are times where I will "shush" Thomas and not want to hear what he has to say. However, in most cases he is allowed to share his opinions and viewpoints. What make it a FLR is that I have the final say and he yields to my decisions.
There are many characteristics or practices of a FLR that promote healthy communication. Discipline sessions are a good tool for communication. These sessions provide an environment where my expectations can be clearly communicated and I can provide clear and poignant feedback on how well Thomas is performing. During a discipline session I have his undivided attention. Often times when I am disappointed about something Thomas did and I communicate this to Thomas as part of the discipline session, it results in a conversation and I find out there was confusion or a misunderstanding from Thomas (although most times he is aware of what he did and acknowledges his infraction). In many relationships, people don't communicate when they are upset or disappointed and they harbor negative feelings which hurt the relationship.
Punishments also keep the communication open. What I love the most about punishments is they help both people put an issue behind them. Thomas is never completely surprised when he is punished. He knows he was wrong or lazy. Once the punishment is completed, he has paid his price and can move on. After I punish him, I completely wipe the issue from my mind and he has a fresh start with me. I have known people who have been very upset over something their spouse did and they hold onto that grudge for days or even weeks and then it ultimately leads to an argument. In a FLR, the female calls out issue immediately and addresses them with the sub.
I expect and demand pampering from Thomas. He gives me massages and baths regularly. I also enjoy teasing his cock and will tease him almost daily, even if it is just for a few minutes. All these encounters promote interaction between us, which keeps the communication flowing freely. Ask a person in a typical 'vanilla' relationship when the last time was that they massaged or bathed their partner? I'm willing to bet most people can't remember or it's been a long time.
Finally, having one person designated as the lead in the relationship avoids arguments and having both spouses fighting to get the last word in or fighting to win. I am not saying this is easy to accomplish but when the submissive accepts his proper place and yields to the authority of his spouse, it curtails arguments early. If Thomas starts to become argumentative I will firmly state "I am in charge and that's the end of the discussion." He gets the point real quick. Other successful tactics I have used is threatening him with a punishment, threatening to take away a privilege, or I may just point to him and say "kneel" or "strip"(Argument ended :) ).
Please don't take this post as bashing traditional "vanilla" relationships. There are many healthy traditional relationships and there are unhealthy FLR relationships. However, I do feel that in most cases the FLR promotes better communication than a traditional vanilla relationship. If you read through FLR/Femdom forums or books, you will see many posts of both men and women who indicate that their marriage and relationship with their spouse became stronger once they applied FLR principles.
Friday, April 17, 2015
Monday, April 6, 2015
A Lingerie Drawer for Thomas
This past weekend I was inspecting Thomas's underwear drawer and I realized he has just as many panties and boys underwear. Add in the two pairs of stockings, garter belt, and bra that he owns and he has more girly things than boy things. What an exciting discovery that I had to share with him! I did have fun teasing him about how his panty had grown so large. Now the bra is not something he wears. I bought it for him as a deterrent of bad behavior. If he starts acting up or develops a bad habit, all I need to threaten that he will have to wear it under his shirt and buy something at the corner drug store and his attitude immediately changes. So it is a punishment tool but it is still part of his lingerie collection and something to tease him with for fun.
I have a six drawer lingerie chest. I announced to him that since he had such a large collection of girly things, it only made sense for him to have one of the drawers in the chest. I cleared out the bottom drawer to make room for his items. His assignment was to move all his girly items from his underwear drawer to the lingerie drawer, with the exception of two pairs of panties. I still wanted a few pairs to remain with his underwear just as a nice reminder. He of course had to do it while wearing pretty purple panties.
It made for a fun night. I enjoyed teasing him about how he now had his own drawer and that we now might have to buy more stuff - maybe even real lingerie such as a teddy. He was quite quiet but fully aroused the whole time. I know he loved it but was a bit shy or embarrassed about it (which is part of the enjoyment for him).
Mz Kaylee
I have a six drawer lingerie chest. I announced to him that since he had such a large collection of girly things, it only made sense for him to have one of the drawers in the chest. I cleared out the bottom drawer to make room for his items. His assignment was to move all his girly items from his underwear drawer to the lingerie drawer, with the exception of two pairs of panties. I still wanted a few pairs to remain with his underwear just as a nice reminder. He of course had to do it while wearing pretty purple panties.
It made for a fun night. I enjoyed teasing him about how he now had his own drawer and that we now might have to buy more stuff - maybe even real lingerie such as a teddy. He was quite quiet but fully aroused the whole time. I know he loved it but was a bit shy or embarrassed about it (which is part of the enjoyment for him).
Mz Kaylee
Appreciation and Thank You
One of the characteristics I love the most about Thomas is the appreciation and gratitude that he shows for me. Giving appreciation is important for both the dominant and the submissive. As the leader of the relationship I will thank Thomas when he has been good for me or if he does something thoughtful for me. I believe this motivates him to serve me even more. He does the same for me. He will thank me if I do something special for him like buy his favorite snack or treat him to a special night of teasing. What I love the most is when he pampers me and then later thanks me for allowing him to pamper me. Talk about royal treatment! There are many days where I ride him until I have an orgasm and there is no orgasm for him (in fact that happens most times). He will thank me for that and tell me how great it was. I find that incredible!
So guys who are reading this, be sure to show appreciation and thank your wife/mistress/GF for what she does for you. Even if it is for just something small, it will make her feel great.
-Mz Kaylee
So guys who are reading this, be sure to show appreciation and thank your wife/mistress/GF for what she does for you. Even if it is for just something small, it will make her feel great.
-Mz Kaylee
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Discipline Follow-up
My last post discussed my typical discipline routine. I think it's good to have a routine but if you've read my previous posts, you know that I am also a proponent of randomness or variety to help keep the relationship healthy and exciting. My discipline sessions usually occur in the bedroom. However on occasion I will take it outside the bedroom. Sometimes it's just because I am in the mood to change it up so I might have Thomas bring my riding crop down to the living room or dining room and then conduct his discipline there.
Sometimes I have a purpose for moving it outside the bedroom. Administering discipline at the "scene of the crime" is a very effective method for getting your point across and ensuring he understands exactly what he needs to improve on. For example, one time I was not pleased with how he was cleaning the bathroom so I dragged him into the bathroom and showed him where the sink was not clean, the mirror was dirty, etc. I had him bend over the sink and I spanked him right there in the bathroom.
There is a side benefit to all this also. Putting him in a vulnerable and submissive position in various rooms throughout the house sends a message that you have authority over him in every inch of the house. I have made it a point over the years to perform some form of either discipline or domination in every room in the house. One memorable moment was when I disciplined him in the garage. I rarely set foot in the garage but I wanted him to know that there was no safe haven for him (I also did for my own amusement). He has a riding tractor, which made a perfect discipline chair. I sat on the tractor and had him lay over my lap with his panties on. So there he was on his most manly piece of equipment, laid across my lap in panties being spanked. I loved it! The discipline session was focused solely on the garage. The garage was a mess. I talked about how I ruled the house, including the garage and all his tools. I told him that I expected the entire house, which included the garage, to be kept organized and clean. I gave him one week to get it in order. Honestly, I really did not care how organized the garage was since I rarely use it. I did it more for amusement and to send the message that I have authority over everything he is connected to.
I was amused at how it motivated him. The following week I made him strip completely naked and then I towed him by his cock into the garage. I was dressed in my normal "street clothes". We have a door connecting the house to the garage so there was no public display. The garage was clean and organized. He had even thrown away a lot of old junk. I spent several minutes walking around the garage investigating. I picked up tools, looked around shelves, and opened his tool box. Part of this exercise was to reinforce the message that I have authority over everything. There are no secrets or hiding spots for him. I let him know how satisfied and pleased I was with how he cleaned the garage and I spent a few minutes teasing his cock right there in the garage. Then I had him kneel down and kiss my feet and thank me for motivating him. To keep him on his toes in the future, I told him that I may conduct random inspections in the garage and that he would be punished if it was not clean and organized.
.
Sometimes I have a purpose for moving it outside the bedroom. Administering discipline at the "scene of the crime" is a very effective method for getting your point across and ensuring he understands exactly what he needs to improve on. For example, one time I was not pleased with how he was cleaning the bathroom so I dragged him into the bathroom and showed him where the sink was not clean, the mirror was dirty, etc. I had him bend over the sink and I spanked him right there in the bathroom.
There is a side benefit to all this also. Putting him in a vulnerable and submissive position in various rooms throughout the house sends a message that you have authority over him in every inch of the house. I have made it a point over the years to perform some form of either discipline or domination in every room in the house. One memorable moment was when I disciplined him in the garage. I rarely set foot in the garage but I wanted him to know that there was no safe haven for him (I also did for my own amusement). He has a riding tractor, which made a perfect discipline chair. I sat on the tractor and had him lay over my lap with his panties on. So there he was on his most manly piece of equipment, laid across my lap in panties being spanked. I loved it! The discipline session was focused solely on the garage. The garage was a mess. I talked about how I ruled the house, including the garage and all his tools. I told him that I expected the entire house, which included the garage, to be kept organized and clean. I gave him one week to get it in order. Honestly, I really did not care how organized the garage was since I rarely use it. I did it more for amusement and to send the message that I have authority over everything he is connected to.
I was amused at how it motivated him. The following week I made him strip completely naked and then I towed him by his cock into the garage. I was dressed in my normal "street clothes". We have a door connecting the house to the garage so there was no public display. The garage was clean and organized. He had even thrown away a lot of old junk. I spent several minutes walking around the garage investigating. I picked up tools, looked around shelves, and opened his tool box. Part of this exercise was to reinforce the message that I have authority over everything. There are no secrets or hiding spots for him. I let him know how satisfied and pleased I was with how he cleaned the garage and I spent a few minutes teasing his cock right there in the garage. Then I had him kneel down and kiss my feet and thank me for motivating him. To keep him on his toes in the future, I told him that I may conduct random inspections in the garage and that he would be punished if it was not clean and organized.
.
Sunday, March 1, 2015
My Discipline Sessions
I discipline Thomas regularly. I find that regular sessions in our female led marriage keep him from becoming lazy or forgetting his chores and responsibilities. If I wait too long between sessions, he tends to slack off a bit or become lazy. It's like maintenance on your car. You have to take your car in for regular maintenance in order to keep it running in top condition. You could always skip maintenance but your car will not perform at its best and overtime a break down will occur. Discipline sessions are what keep your husband serving you at his best and prevent a break down in the relationship from occurring. With regular discipline you should have less need for punishment.
For me, every other week works good. In one of my previous blogs, I indicated that I do weekly sessions and I know many people in FLR's have weekly discipline sessions. However, I came to realize that weekly was a bit too much for me, and I think monthly is too long between sessions so I try to keep to every other week on Sunday nights. I will do a discipline session in between if Tom is slacking off or does something that really irritates me.
What To Wear I want his focus on me during the entire session so I want to look good and also smell good. When he's over my lap, all his senses are at play and put him in submissive mode. In most cases I will do the session after I take a bath so I am clean and smell of the fresh scented bubble bath. I usually wear a short silk nightgown. On occasion, when he has been exceptionally good, as a reward I will put on fetish wear like a corset or latex outfit and heels and stockings. Tom loves this and I consider it a reward for his exceptional obedience. Doing this every now and then motivates him to do good.
For him, he is to wear panties. I have three pairs of panties reserved for discipline and punishment. I keep them in my sock drawer (separate from his other panties that he keeps with his underwear). On the day of a discipline session, I will lay out which pair I want him to wear. The pair I choose depends on my mood and how good or bad he has been. One pair is a soft black mesh panty that are see-thru. They have pink ribbon and bow accents. I like these because they are sexy and feminine and his privates are on full display. The second pair is a pink silk thong. These are nice because they do not need to be pulled down to spank him since his ass cheeks are exposed. Also, the thong up his ass while he wears them is a constant reminder that a discipline session is coming. I usually allow him to wear these under his boxers or another pair of panties so they don't show through his pants. However, if I am in a teasing mood or if he has been not performing at his best, I will not allow this. The last pair is used mostly for punishment. They are red lace panties that are purposely small for him. These are extra snug and uncomfortable for him to wear, which is the point. He complained that they kept riding down on him and he had to constantly adjust them during the day. He was hoping for a new pair but I told him too bad. That's all part of the punishment.
I think it is important to have a physical item, like panties, as part of the discipline routine. When he slips these on, he associates them with discipline and his mind shifts into submissive mode. It is also effective for the non-routine discipline. Imagine what will go through your husband's mind when he sees his discipline/punishment panties laid out to wear on a non-discipline day. I'm sure he will figure out the reason he is being disciplined. Just when he thought he got away with something, he is caught! You do not have to use panties (that's just what I prefer). You could use a collar, wrist cuffs, cock ring, male G-string, or special pair of men's underwear.
How the session begins
I have a routine with my sessions. It's almost like a ritual. For each session he is to strip down to his panties. He will then retrieve my riding crop and place it on the bed. He will then move the discipline chair out of the corner of the room and kneel to the side of it and wait for me. It is always done in this order and usually this is done while I am in the bath. When I am ready I will sit in the chair or command him to get into a certain position. If he is not wearing the thong, I will pull his panties down to his mid thighs or just above his knees. I get satisfaction with doing this and I think having me pull down the panties adds to his submissive feeling.
His Position for discipline
Not long ago I decided to purchase a chair to use for the discipline session. I like the idea of having a permanent fixture in our bedroom that is used for discipline. It is symbolic of our Female Led Relationship. The chair is a nice upholstered chair the blends in with the décor of the room. It is comfortable for me to sit in and has no arms so Thomas can easily lay across my lap. To an outsider, it is just part of the room. However, Thomas and I know its special purpose. I had Thomas come with me to pick out the chair, which was fun. It was quite a unique shopping experience, knowing what the purpose of the chair would be.
Most times I am sitting in the chair with Thomas laying across my lap. Other positions I use are having him stand and bend over the chair with his hands holding the back of the chair or having him kneel on the chair and hugging the back of the chair. The last two positions are especially effective when the tone of the session is improvement or correction. It is easier for harder spanking and you have more mobility to move around. Sometimes I will do the session on the bed where I am sitting with my legs stretched out and he lays across my lap or I am standing and he lays on his stomach with pillows beneath him to push up his ass.
The discipline
I focus on three things in the session: 1. Attitude, 2. How well he did his chores and normal expectation, and 3. How well he handled non-routine items. For attitude I am reviewing his attitude towards me, attitude towards the kids, and attitude towards other. For chores and expectations I take into consideration whether or not he performed all his chores and routine expectations, were they completed timely, and did they meet my expectations. For non-routine items, I am reviewing how he handled himself with unexpected or random situations. He obeys me and I am in charge of him but that does not mean I have to tell him how to handle everything. He should anticipate what I want and do the right thing. For example, if the kids brought in a football and left it on the living room floor for a few days, then he would be corrected for that. He should have noticed the football and told the kids to put it away.
For every session he is spanked a minimum of 6 times. It may be more than 6 but it will never be less. He knows this. The intensity of each spank will vary depending on how good or bad his behavior was for the item I am speaking about. For good behavior, I will give a light playful spank with the riding crop and will usually reward him by rubbing it over his ass, thighs, and between his legs. For things to improve on, he will be given a moderate spank and for disobedience or items that I am displeased with, he will receive a hard stinging spank (sometimes more than one). I start off with good to moderate things and progress toward the moderate to disobedient items so that the spanks get progressively harder.
I start off with a general statement of how his behavior has been, which sets the tone for the discipline session.. It would be something like, 'Slave, you have been very good and I am pleased with how you are serving or obeying me' or Slave, you have done good serving and obeying me but there are things to improve on' or 'Slave, I am not pleased with your behavior.' The statement is followed by the first slap of the riding crop. The intensity of the slap depends on how good or bad Tom's behavior has been. I purposely refer to him as slave and I try to emphasize his obedience and how it is pleasing or not pleasing me. These little details help elevate my authority over him and push him deeper into submission.
The next two or three spanks relate to the three major areas I focus on, which are mentioned at the beginning of this section. It will be something like, 'your attitude has been very good,' (slap with some rubbing), 'You did an o.k. job with your chores, but we need to review a few things' ( harder slap), and 'my car oil light has been on for several days, you need to take care of that' (slap). The remaining three or four spanks can be used to expand on the general statements. I will talk about what he needs to improve on for chores, or specific items that I am displeased with, or maybe things that I am happy with.
This part of the session varies depending on my mood and how good or bad his behavior is. There will be spanking and rubbing as I talk through the different things. As noted above, I may spank him more than 6 times. I don't necessarily make all the general statements first and then go into details. For example, I will make a general statement about his attitude and then discuss the details about it before moving onto his chores. However, if there is not much to talk about then I will just make the general attitude statement and move right onto chores. If he had a bad week, I may jump right to all the things that require correction and punishment and not even talk about the other items. If he really pissed me off, then he might get 6 or more hard spanks for the one item that pissed me off and then we are done. If he has been exceptionally good, then it's all playful spanks and rubbing. I may reserve the last few spanks for new future expectations and make the spanks a little harder to emphasize the importance of his obedience. If he is in a position where I can reach his cock, sometimes I will hold it or his balls while I talk and spank, squeezing it at certain times to emphasize key points.
When I am done with the spanking, I will recap things that he has to improve on and make him repeat it. I will issue punishments if needed. Punishments can also be given during the session when the infraction is being discussed. and I may also spend a few minutes talking about expectations or new rules or chores for the upcoming week. I have his undivided attention so it is a good time for this. I usually end up adding a few more spanks while I talk about these things (oops!)
Ending the session
When we are finished he stands up and I will pull up his panties Again, I think by me doing this it mentally elevates my authority over him adds to his submissive state. Then he will kneel and kiss my feet and thank me for disciplining me. He will also tell me that he will continue to serve me as best he can and will improve (if applicable) on his performance. He will do this every session, even if he is harshly disciplined. It is important to leave the session on a positive note. He will remain kneeling until I dismiss him or give further direction.
Usually after the session I will either have him pamper me with a massage or pleasure me orally or both. When I am sitting and he is kneeling before me it is just so easy to spread open my legs and push his head between them-I love that! I make it a rule not to touch him after a discipline session. The focus is all on me. When I am done with him he will put away the riding crop and the discipline chair. Then there is the matter of his panties. If he is being punished, well then he is wearing discipline panties until the punishment is over. If he just needs to improve on things, I may instruct him to wear the panties to bed as reminder in the morning of his needed improvement. He will then have to hand wash the panties in the morning. He normally sleeps naked so I know that when he wakes up and feels the snug panties, he will remember everything about the night before. I also know that the feel of the panties through the night will keep him horny (smiles). If I want him to sleep naked, then he must hand wash the panties before coming to bed. As noted previously in the this blog, you can use things other than panties such as a cock ring or collar.
Ad hoc Sessions
On occasion I will do a discipline session outside of the normally scheduled time. Sometimes I just feel the need to do it but usually it is because he did something bad that I want to address immediately. If he talks back to me or blatantly disobeys me, I may immediately send him up to the room to be disciplined. If it is something that he forgot to do which really inconvenienced me, then I may wait a day or two later and then in the morning lay out the discipline panties for him to wear and follow it up with a session that night. He usually knows why he is going to be disciplined and will apologize when he sees the panties. His apology is accepted but I remind him that what is done, is done and he still needs to pay the consequences. These sessions are always followed by a punishment. At his next regular discipline session, he will also receive at least one hard spank for the infraction.
The ad hoc sessions are quick and to the point. I will send him to the bedroom and he will get ready for discipline. I walk in fully clothed and get him into position and start spanking. It will go something like this: "Slave, don't ever talk back to me like that," (slap! slap! slap!). "I deserve more respect than that and am very displeased by you," (slap! slap! slap!). "For your disobedience and disrespect you will get three more spanks and you will apologize after each one." (slap! 'Sorry Mistress', Slap! 'Sorry Mistress', Slap! 'sorry mistress'). 'For the rest of the week you will come home immediately after work and do chores or tasks for me. You are not permitted to do any other activities this week, got it?' (Slap!). 'Yes Mistress.' 'Good' (Slap!). 'We are done.' He kneels down and kisses my feet and thanks me and promises to do better.
Closing Remarks
I provided a very detailed accounting of my typical discipline session. I wanted to include all the details because I think the little details from the words I use, to the position his is in, to the ritualistic items, add to the overall experience which elevates my authority over him and pushes him into deeper submission and obedience. You should do your discipline sessions in a way that works best for you and in which you feel comfortable. Otherwise you will not stick with them. However, I encourage you to experiment with different approaches and techniques. Try something outside your comfort zone every now and then. Test different levels of strictness in your discipline. You might be surprised at the results or how much you like it. When you are starting out in female domination or FLR it's much like Alice in Wonderland. Things are not always as they seem. Intuition is not always right.
The routine and repetition over time truly does changes behavior and attitude and fortifies the Female Led Relationship. If you stick with a routine similar to what I described, I am sure that after just a few months not only will he be more obedient towards you but it will positively affect the dynamic of your relationship. You will feel a more confident and natural authority over him and he will feel a natural submission towards you with a strong desire to obey and please you, which ultimately leads to a more fulfilling relationship for both of you.
What I described may seem like a lot, but it really is simple. Our sessions flow very smoothly. They are routine and ritualistic but not rigid. Often times we end up in a discussion during the sessions. Be sure to set high expectations and be firm when your expectations are not met. We are Goddesses and deserve the best.
-Mz Kaylee
For me, every other week works good. In one of my previous blogs, I indicated that I do weekly sessions and I know many people in FLR's have weekly discipline sessions. However, I came to realize that weekly was a bit too much for me, and I think monthly is too long between sessions so I try to keep to every other week on Sunday nights. I will do a discipline session in between if Tom is slacking off or does something that really irritates me.
What To Wear I want his focus on me during the entire session so I want to look good and also smell good. When he's over my lap, all his senses are at play and put him in submissive mode. In most cases I will do the session after I take a bath so I am clean and smell of the fresh scented bubble bath. I usually wear a short silk nightgown. On occasion, when he has been exceptionally good, as a reward I will put on fetish wear like a corset or latex outfit and heels and stockings. Tom loves this and I consider it a reward for his exceptional obedience. Doing this every now and then motivates him to do good.
For him, he is to wear panties. I have three pairs of panties reserved for discipline and punishment. I keep them in my sock drawer (separate from his other panties that he keeps with his underwear). On the day of a discipline session, I will lay out which pair I want him to wear. The pair I choose depends on my mood and how good or bad he has been. One pair is a soft black mesh panty that are see-thru. They have pink ribbon and bow accents. I like these because they are sexy and feminine and his privates are on full display. The second pair is a pink silk thong. These are nice because they do not need to be pulled down to spank him since his ass cheeks are exposed. Also, the thong up his ass while he wears them is a constant reminder that a discipline session is coming. I usually allow him to wear these under his boxers or another pair of panties so they don't show through his pants. However, if I am in a teasing mood or if he has been not performing at his best, I will not allow this. The last pair is used mostly for punishment. They are red lace panties that are purposely small for him. These are extra snug and uncomfortable for him to wear, which is the point. He complained that they kept riding down on him and he had to constantly adjust them during the day. He was hoping for a new pair but I told him too bad. That's all part of the punishment.
I think it is important to have a physical item, like panties, as part of the discipline routine. When he slips these on, he associates them with discipline and his mind shifts into submissive mode. It is also effective for the non-routine discipline. Imagine what will go through your husband's mind when he sees his discipline/punishment panties laid out to wear on a non-discipline day. I'm sure he will figure out the reason he is being disciplined. Just when he thought he got away with something, he is caught! You do not have to use panties (that's just what I prefer). You could use a collar, wrist cuffs, cock ring, male G-string, or special pair of men's underwear.
How the session begins
I have a routine with my sessions. It's almost like a ritual. For each session he is to strip down to his panties. He will then retrieve my riding crop and place it on the bed. He will then move the discipline chair out of the corner of the room and kneel to the side of it and wait for me. It is always done in this order and usually this is done while I am in the bath. When I am ready I will sit in the chair or command him to get into a certain position. If he is not wearing the thong, I will pull his panties down to his mid thighs or just above his knees. I get satisfaction with doing this and I think having me pull down the panties adds to his submissive feeling.
His Position for discipline
Not long ago I decided to purchase a chair to use for the discipline session. I like the idea of having a permanent fixture in our bedroom that is used for discipline. It is symbolic of our Female Led Relationship. The chair is a nice upholstered chair the blends in with the décor of the room. It is comfortable for me to sit in and has no arms so Thomas can easily lay across my lap. To an outsider, it is just part of the room. However, Thomas and I know its special purpose. I had Thomas come with me to pick out the chair, which was fun. It was quite a unique shopping experience, knowing what the purpose of the chair would be.
Most times I am sitting in the chair with Thomas laying across my lap. Other positions I use are having him stand and bend over the chair with his hands holding the back of the chair or having him kneel on the chair and hugging the back of the chair. The last two positions are especially effective when the tone of the session is improvement or correction. It is easier for harder spanking and you have more mobility to move around. Sometimes I will do the session on the bed where I am sitting with my legs stretched out and he lays across my lap or I am standing and he lays on his stomach with pillows beneath him to push up his ass.
The discipline
I focus on three things in the session: 1. Attitude, 2. How well he did his chores and normal expectation, and 3. How well he handled non-routine items. For attitude I am reviewing his attitude towards me, attitude towards the kids, and attitude towards other. For chores and expectations I take into consideration whether or not he performed all his chores and routine expectations, were they completed timely, and did they meet my expectations. For non-routine items, I am reviewing how he handled himself with unexpected or random situations. He obeys me and I am in charge of him but that does not mean I have to tell him how to handle everything. He should anticipate what I want and do the right thing. For example, if the kids brought in a football and left it on the living room floor for a few days, then he would be corrected for that. He should have noticed the football and told the kids to put it away.
For every session he is spanked a minimum of 6 times. It may be more than 6 but it will never be less. He knows this. The intensity of each spank will vary depending on how good or bad his behavior was for the item I am speaking about. For good behavior, I will give a light playful spank with the riding crop and will usually reward him by rubbing it over his ass, thighs, and between his legs. For things to improve on, he will be given a moderate spank and for disobedience or items that I am displeased with, he will receive a hard stinging spank (sometimes more than one). I start off with good to moderate things and progress toward the moderate to disobedient items so that the spanks get progressively harder.
I start off with a general statement of how his behavior has been, which sets the tone for the discipline session.. It would be something like, 'Slave, you have been very good and I am pleased with how you are serving or obeying me' or Slave, you have done good serving and obeying me but there are things to improve on' or 'Slave, I am not pleased with your behavior.' The statement is followed by the first slap of the riding crop. The intensity of the slap depends on how good or bad Tom's behavior has been. I purposely refer to him as slave and I try to emphasize his obedience and how it is pleasing or not pleasing me. These little details help elevate my authority over him and push him deeper into submission.
The next two or three spanks relate to the three major areas I focus on, which are mentioned at the beginning of this section. It will be something like, 'your attitude has been very good,' (slap with some rubbing), 'You did an o.k. job with your chores, but we need to review a few things' ( harder slap), and 'my car oil light has been on for several days, you need to take care of that' (slap). The remaining three or four spanks can be used to expand on the general statements. I will talk about what he needs to improve on for chores, or specific items that I am displeased with, or maybe things that I am happy with.
This part of the session varies depending on my mood and how good or bad his behavior is. There will be spanking and rubbing as I talk through the different things. As noted above, I may spank him more than 6 times. I don't necessarily make all the general statements first and then go into details. For example, I will make a general statement about his attitude and then discuss the details about it before moving onto his chores. However, if there is not much to talk about then I will just make the general attitude statement and move right onto chores. If he had a bad week, I may jump right to all the things that require correction and punishment and not even talk about the other items. If he really pissed me off, then he might get 6 or more hard spanks for the one item that pissed me off and then we are done. If he has been exceptionally good, then it's all playful spanks and rubbing. I may reserve the last few spanks for new future expectations and make the spanks a little harder to emphasize the importance of his obedience. If he is in a position where I can reach his cock, sometimes I will hold it or his balls while I talk and spank, squeezing it at certain times to emphasize key points.
When I am done with the spanking, I will recap things that he has to improve on and make him repeat it. I will issue punishments if needed. Punishments can also be given during the session when the infraction is being discussed. and I may also spend a few minutes talking about expectations or new rules or chores for the upcoming week. I have his undivided attention so it is a good time for this. I usually end up adding a few more spanks while I talk about these things (oops!)
Ending the session
When we are finished he stands up and I will pull up his panties Again, I think by me doing this it mentally elevates my authority over him adds to his submissive state. Then he will kneel and kiss my feet and thank me for disciplining me. He will also tell me that he will continue to serve me as best he can and will improve (if applicable) on his performance. He will do this every session, even if he is harshly disciplined. It is important to leave the session on a positive note. He will remain kneeling until I dismiss him or give further direction.
Usually after the session I will either have him pamper me with a massage or pleasure me orally or both. When I am sitting and he is kneeling before me it is just so easy to spread open my legs and push his head between them-I love that! I make it a rule not to touch him after a discipline session. The focus is all on me. When I am done with him he will put away the riding crop and the discipline chair. Then there is the matter of his panties. If he is being punished, well then he is wearing discipline panties until the punishment is over. If he just needs to improve on things, I may instruct him to wear the panties to bed as reminder in the morning of his needed improvement. He will then have to hand wash the panties in the morning. He normally sleeps naked so I know that when he wakes up and feels the snug panties, he will remember everything about the night before. I also know that the feel of the panties through the night will keep him horny (smiles). If I want him to sleep naked, then he must hand wash the panties before coming to bed. As noted previously in the this blog, you can use things other than panties such as a cock ring or collar.
Ad hoc Sessions
On occasion I will do a discipline session outside of the normally scheduled time. Sometimes I just feel the need to do it but usually it is because he did something bad that I want to address immediately. If he talks back to me or blatantly disobeys me, I may immediately send him up to the room to be disciplined. If it is something that he forgot to do which really inconvenienced me, then I may wait a day or two later and then in the morning lay out the discipline panties for him to wear and follow it up with a session that night. He usually knows why he is going to be disciplined and will apologize when he sees the panties. His apology is accepted but I remind him that what is done, is done and he still needs to pay the consequences. These sessions are always followed by a punishment. At his next regular discipline session, he will also receive at least one hard spank for the infraction.
The ad hoc sessions are quick and to the point. I will send him to the bedroom and he will get ready for discipline. I walk in fully clothed and get him into position and start spanking. It will go something like this: "Slave, don't ever talk back to me like that," (slap! slap! slap!). "I deserve more respect than that and am very displeased by you," (slap! slap! slap!). "For your disobedience and disrespect you will get three more spanks and you will apologize after each one." (slap! 'Sorry Mistress', Slap! 'Sorry Mistress', Slap! 'sorry mistress'). 'For the rest of the week you will come home immediately after work and do chores or tasks for me. You are not permitted to do any other activities this week, got it?' (Slap!). 'Yes Mistress.' 'Good' (Slap!). 'We are done.' He kneels down and kisses my feet and thanks me and promises to do better.
Closing Remarks
I provided a very detailed accounting of my typical discipline session. I wanted to include all the details because I think the little details from the words I use, to the position his is in, to the ritualistic items, add to the overall experience which elevates my authority over him and pushes him into deeper submission and obedience. You should do your discipline sessions in a way that works best for you and in which you feel comfortable. Otherwise you will not stick with them. However, I encourage you to experiment with different approaches and techniques. Try something outside your comfort zone every now and then. Test different levels of strictness in your discipline. You might be surprised at the results or how much you like it. When you are starting out in female domination or FLR it's much like Alice in Wonderland. Things are not always as they seem. Intuition is not always right.
The routine and repetition over time truly does changes behavior and attitude and fortifies the Female Led Relationship. If you stick with a routine similar to what I described, I am sure that after just a few months not only will he be more obedient towards you but it will positively affect the dynamic of your relationship. You will feel a more confident and natural authority over him and he will feel a natural submission towards you with a strong desire to obey and please you, which ultimately leads to a more fulfilling relationship for both of you.
What I described may seem like a lot, but it really is simple. Our sessions flow very smoothly. They are routine and ritualistic but not rigid. Often times we end up in a discussion during the sessions. Be sure to set high expectations and be firm when your expectations are not met. We are Goddesses and deserve the best.
-Mz Kaylee
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Maintaining My Authority and Dominance When We Are Apart
There are times throughout the year when Thomas and I spend
a night or a few nights apart from each other.
This could be due to business travel, me visiting my sister, or even a
weekend away with the girls (or him with the guys). When we are apart from each other overnight I
have a few ground rules for him and I usually also have a list of tasks for him
to do. I do this because I want him to
feel my presence and my authority even when I am not there. I want him focused on me. It also helps to keep him out of trouble. Even the most loyal husbands can stray when
put into a tempting situation. Thomas
has told me that he enjoys the rules and tasks that I give him. It keeps him from getting lonely and he
enjoys staying focused on me and being under my control.
I choose to always have him in panties when we are
apart. Panties have a different feel
than his normal underwear and I want him to notice that throughout the day as a
subtle reminder of his submission. If he
is traveling I will pack his bag and choose the panties for him to wear. Sometimes
I will surprise him with a new pair. I
will also lay a pair out the day of his travel for him to wear. If he is home and I am away, I will let him
choose what to wear each day but he must send me a text each morning identifying
the panty of the day. I also require him
to sleep in the panties. Normally he
sleeps naked but when we are apart I want him to feel the tightness of the
panties around him at night.
In addition to the panties, some things that I have done
when he is traveling include:
- Making him wear a cock ring or plug
- Having him buy a pair of panties when he arrives at his location
- Requiring him to buy me a gift
- Packing a pair of my used panties and having him inhale my scent every morning and every night before bed. He must also sleep with them on his pillow. He confessed that this was one of his favorite tasks.
- Requiring him to strip down to his panties whenever he is in his hotel room.
- Having him masturbate while thinking of me every night and every morning (no orgasm)
- Requiring him to kneel whenever he texts or calls me (if he is in a private room).
- Have him write a 500 word essay. Topics I’ve used include why he loves worshipping and serving me and how he can be a better slave husband
- I also require him to text me at certain times of the day (morning, lunch, by 5:30pm, before bed). I will text if I want him to call me or not. He must reply to any of my texts within 10 minutes. No excuses accepted for being late, no matter how legitimate they seem. If he fails to do any of the above, he will be punished when he gets home.
- If I am feeling a bit frisky, I will call him and tease him over the phone. I once used a vibrator while I teased him and it drove him wild.
What I choose to do depends on the mood I am in, the type of
trip he is taking, and the length of time he is apart. If he
is traveling via plane, I will not send him with any toys other than a rubber
cock ring that we have. Sometimes I send
a note in his suitcase with his tasks, sometimes I tell him before he leaves or
sometimes I text or call him with assignments throughout the day.
If I am the one traveling, the above items are all fair
game. I expect the house to be spotless
when I arrive back home and I expect to have a gift or flowers waiting for me
when I arrive home (I am a Goddess after all).
I will give him extra chores to do such as straightening up my shoes,
re-folding my panty drawer, or organizing my closet. Since I am not there for him to serve, he
should have plenty of time for these extra chores. I may require him to sleep in the extra room as
a symbol that the master bedroom belongs to me and it is a privilege for him to
share it with me. I will usually lock him
in chastity when I am away. I do not do
this when he travels for safety reasons and also I do not want an embarrassing situation
to arise at the airport.
By instituting these ground rules and assigning him tasks,
it ensures that my authority and presence are felt by him when we are apart. It also serves as a mechanism to keep him out
of trouble. A final benefit is that it adds a little fun to the situation. We are apart but still connected through this
interaction. His arousal level is pretty
high when we get back together which leads to even more fun. I often look forward to these times apart because
it is nice to get “alone time” every now and then and it is fun to tease him
with these rules and tasks.
Monday, November 17, 2014
Loyalty During the Busy Times
The past few weeks have been busy for me with work and personal things. Little time has been spent with my husband. Despite this lack of attention to Thomas, he made my coffee every morning, kept up with his chores, and kept the house in order. He did everything possible to please me and even offered extra help knowing my busy schedule. This dynamic is the essence of a FLR. FLR is not about whips and kinks that you see in the mainstream media. The kinks certainly are a part of the FLR for many people, including myself, but they are only a small piece of the overall FLR.
The FLR is more about a lifestyle decision to accept the woman as the lead. It is about the male embracing his obedience to his wife and striving to please her. I also believe there is responsibility of the woman to take care of the male's needs. Life does get in the way sometimes but in a healthy FLR the underlying dynamic of the FLR remains intact during those busy times. I am grateful and pleased that Thomas continued to server and please despite my lack of attention towards him.
I will make sure that I take time to focus on his needs. As the lead of the relationship it is up to the female to ensure that the busy times do not drag on too long and hurt the relationship. My way of dealing with this is to set time aside for planning and to allow time for fun. I think this is an important part of any relationship, regardless if it is FLR or not.
-Mz Kaylee
The FLR is more about a lifestyle decision to accept the woman as the lead. It is about the male embracing his obedience to his wife and striving to please her. I also believe there is responsibility of the woman to take care of the male's needs. Life does get in the way sometimes but in a healthy FLR the underlying dynamic of the FLR remains intact during those busy times. I am grateful and pleased that Thomas continued to server and please despite my lack of attention towards him.
I will make sure that I take time to focus on his needs. As the lead of the relationship it is up to the female to ensure that the busy times do not drag on too long and hurt the relationship. My way of dealing with this is to set time aside for planning and to allow time for fun. I think this is an important part of any relationship, regardless if it is FLR or not.
-Mz Kaylee
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