I discipline Thomas regularly. I find that regular sessions in our female led marriage keep him from becoming lazy or forgetting his chores and responsibilities. If I wait too long between sessions, he tends to slack off a bit or become lazy. It's like maintenance on your car. You have to take your car in for regular maintenance in order to keep it running in top condition. You could always skip maintenance but your car will not perform at its best and overtime a break down will occur. Discipline sessions are what keep your husband serving you at his best and prevent a break down in the relationship from occurring. With regular discipline you should have less need for punishment.
For me, every other week works good. In one of my previous blogs, I indicated that I do weekly sessions and I know many people in FLR's have weekly discipline sessions. However, I came to realize that weekly was a bit too much for me, and I think monthly is too long between sessions so I try to keep to every other week on Sunday nights. I will do a discipline session in between if Tom is slacking off or does something that really irritates me.
What To Wear I want his focus on me during the entire session so I want to look good and also smell good. When he's over my lap, all his senses are at play and put him in submissive mode. In most cases I will do the session after I take a bath so I am clean and smell of the fresh scented bubble bath. I usually wear a short silk nightgown. On occasion, when he has been exceptionally good, as a reward I will put on fetish wear like a corset or latex outfit and heels and stockings. Tom loves this and I consider it a reward for his exceptional obedience. Doing this every now and then motivates him to do good.
For him, he is to wear panties. I have three pairs of panties reserved for discipline and punishment. I keep them in my sock drawer (separate from his other panties that he keeps with his underwear). On the day of a discipline session, I will lay out which pair I want him to wear. The pair I choose depends on my mood and how good or bad he has been. One pair is a soft black mesh panty that are see-thru. They have pink ribbon and bow accents. I like these because they are sexy and feminine and his privates are on full display. The second pair is a pink silk thong. These are nice because they do not need to be pulled down to spank him since his ass cheeks are exposed. Also, the thong up his ass while he wears them is a constant reminder that a discipline session is coming. I usually allow him to wear these under his boxers or another pair of panties so they don't show through his pants. However, if I am in a teasing mood or if he has been not performing at his best, I will not allow this. The last pair is used mostly for punishment. They are red lace panties that are purposely small for him. These are extra snug and uncomfortable for him to wear, which is the point. He complained that they kept riding down on him and he had to constantly adjust them during the day. He was hoping for a new pair but I told him too bad. That's all part of the punishment.
I think it is important to have a physical item, like panties, as part of the discipline routine. When he slips these on, he associates them with discipline and his mind shifts into submissive mode. It is also effective for the non-routine discipline. Imagine what will go through your husband's mind when he sees his discipline/punishment panties laid out to wear on a non-discipline day. I'm sure he will figure out the reason he is being disciplined. Just when he thought he got away with something, he is caught! You do not have to use panties (that's just what I prefer). You could use a collar, wrist cuffs, cock ring, male G-string, or special pair of men's underwear.
How the session begins
I have a routine with my sessions. It's almost like a ritual. For each session he is to strip down to his panties. He will then retrieve my riding crop and place it on the bed. He will then move the discipline chair out of the corner of the room and kneel to the side of it and wait for me. It is always done in this order and usually this is done while I am in the bath. When I am ready I will sit in the chair or command him to get into a certain position. If he is not wearing the thong, I will pull his panties down to his mid thighs or just above his knees. I get satisfaction with doing this and I think having me pull down the panties adds to his submissive feeling.
His Position for discipline
Not long ago I decided to purchase a chair to use for the discipline session. I like the idea of having a permanent fixture in our bedroom that is used for discipline. It is symbolic of our Female Led Relationship. The chair is a nice upholstered chair the blends in with the décor of the room. It is comfortable for me to sit in and has no arms so Thomas can easily lay across my lap. To an outsider, it is just part of the room. However, Thomas and I know its special purpose. I had Thomas come with me to pick out the chair, which was fun. It was quite a unique shopping experience, knowing what the purpose of the chair would be.
Most times I am sitting in the chair with Thomas laying across my lap. Other positions I use are having him stand and bend over the chair with his hands holding the back of the chair or having him kneel on the chair and hugging the back of the chair. The last two positions are especially effective when the tone of the session is improvement or correction. It is easier for harder spanking and you have more mobility to move around. Sometimes I will do the session on the bed where I am sitting with my legs stretched out and he lays across my lap or I am standing and he lays on his stomach with pillows beneath him to push up his ass.
The discipline
I focus on three things in the session: 1. Attitude, 2. How well he did his chores and normal expectation, and 3. How well he handled non-routine items. For attitude I am reviewing his attitude towards me, attitude towards the kids, and attitude towards other. For chores and expectations I take into consideration whether or not he performed all his chores and routine expectations, were they completed timely, and did they meet my expectations. For non-routine items, I am reviewing how he handled himself with unexpected or random situations. He obeys me and I am in charge of him but that does not mean I have to tell him how to handle everything. He should anticipate what I want and do the right thing. For example, if the kids brought in a football and left it on the living room floor for a few days, then he would be corrected for that. He should have noticed the football and told the kids to put it away.
For every session he is spanked a minimum of 6 times. It may be more than 6 but it will never be less. He knows this. The intensity of each spank will vary depending on how good or bad his behavior was for the item I am speaking about. For good behavior, I will give a light playful spank with the riding crop and will usually reward him by rubbing it over his ass, thighs, and between his legs. For things to improve on, he will be given a moderate spank and for disobedience or items that I am displeased with, he will receive a hard stinging spank (sometimes more than one). I start off with good to moderate things and progress toward the moderate to disobedient items so that the spanks get progressively harder.
I start off with a general statement of how his behavior has been, which sets the tone for the discipline session.. It would be something like, 'Slave, you have been very good and I am pleased with how you are serving or obeying me' or Slave, you have done good serving and obeying me but there are things to improve on' or 'Slave, I am not pleased with your behavior.' The statement is followed by the first slap of the riding crop. The intensity of the slap depends on how good or bad Tom's behavior has been. I purposely refer to him as slave and I try to emphasize his obedience and how it is pleasing or not pleasing me. These little details help elevate my authority over him and push him deeper into submission.
The next two or three spanks relate to the three major areas I focus on, which are mentioned at the beginning of this section. It will be something like, 'your attitude has been very good,' (slap with some rubbing), 'You did an o.k. job with your chores, but we need to review a few things' ( harder slap), and 'my car oil light has been on for several days, you need to take care of that' (slap). The remaining three or four spanks can be used to expand on the general statements. I will talk about what he needs to improve on for chores, or specific items that I am displeased with, or maybe things that I am happy with.
This part of the session varies depending on my mood and how good or bad his behavior is. There will be spanking and rubbing as I talk through the different things. As noted above, I may spank him more than 6 times. I don't necessarily make all the general statements first and then go into details. For example, I will make a general statement about his attitude and then discuss the details about it before moving onto his chores. However, if there is not much to talk about then I will just make the general attitude statement and move right onto chores. If he had a bad week, I may jump right to all the things that require correction and punishment and not even talk about the other items. If he really pissed me off, then he might get 6 or more hard spanks for the one item that pissed me off and then we are done. If he has been exceptionally good, then it's all playful spanks and rubbing. I may reserve the last few spanks for new future expectations and make the spanks a little harder to emphasize the importance of his obedience. If he is in a position where I can reach his cock, sometimes I will hold it or his balls while I talk and spank, squeezing it at certain times to emphasize key points.
When I am done with the spanking, I will recap things that he has to improve on and make him repeat it. I will issue punishments if needed. Punishments can also be given during the session when the infraction is being discussed. and I may also spend a few minutes talking about expectations or new rules or chores for the upcoming week. I have his undivided attention so it is a good time for this. I usually end up adding a few more spanks while I talk about these things (oops!)
Ending the session
When we are finished he stands up and I will pull up his panties Again, I think by me doing this it mentally elevates my authority over him adds to his submissive state. Then he will kneel and kiss my feet and thank me for disciplining me. He will also tell me that he will continue to serve me as best he can and will improve (if applicable) on his performance. He will do this every session, even if he is harshly disciplined. It is important to leave the session on a positive note. He will remain kneeling until I dismiss him or give further direction.
Usually after the session I will either have him pamper me with a massage or pleasure me orally or both. When I am sitting and he is kneeling before me it is just so easy to spread open my legs and push his head between them-I love that! I make it a rule not to touch him after a discipline session. The focus is all on me. When I am done with him he will put away the riding crop and the discipline chair. Then there is the matter of his panties. If he is being punished, well then he is wearing discipline panties until the punishment is over. If he just needs to improve on things, I may instruct him to wear the panties to bed as reminder in the morning of his needed improvement. He will then have to hand wash the panties in the morning. He normally sleeps naked so I know that when he wakes up and feels the snug panties, he will remember everything about the night before. I also know that the feel of the panties through the night will keep him horny (smiles). If I want him to sleep naked, then he must hand wash the panties before coming to bed. As noted previously in the this blog, you can use things other than panties such as a cock ring or collar.
Ad hoc Sessions
On occasion I will do a discipline session outside of the normally scheduled time. Sometimes I just feel the need to do it but usually it is because he did something bad that I want to address immediately. If he talks back to me or blatantly disobeys me, I may immediately send him up to the room to be disciplined. If it is something that he forgot to do which really inconvenienced me, then I may wait a day or two later and then in the morning lay out the discipline panties for him to wear and follow it up with a session that night. He usually knows why he is going to be disciplined and will apologize when he sees the panties. His apology is accepted but I remind him that what is done, is done and he still needs to pay the consequences. These sessions are always followed by a punishment. At his next regular discipline session, he will also receive at least one hard spank for the infraction.
The ad hoc sessions are quick and to the point. I will send him to the bedroom and he will get ready for discipline. I walk in fully clothed and get him into position and start spanking. It will go something like this: "Slave, don't ever talk back to me like that," (slap! slap! slap!). "I deserve more respect than that and am very displeased by you," (slap! slap! slap!). "For your disobedience and disrespect you will get three more spanks and you will apologize after each one." (slap! 'Sorry Mistress', Slap! 'Sorry Mistress', Slap! 'sorry mistress'). 'For the rest of the week you will come home immediately after work and do chores or tasks for me. You are not permitted to do any other activities this week, got it?' (Slap!). 'Yes Mistress.' 'Good' (Slap!). 'We are done.' He kneels down and kisses my feet and thanks me and promises to do better.
Closing Remarks
I provided a very detailed accounting of my typical discipline session. I wanted to include all the details because I think the little details from the words I use, to the position his is in, to the ritualistic items, add to the overall experience which elevates my authority over him and pushes him into deeper submission and obedience. You should do your discipline sessions in a way that works best for you and in which you feel comfortable. Otherwise you will not stick with them. However, I encourage you to experiment with different approaches and techniques. Try something outside your comfort zone every now and then. Test different levels of strictness in your discipline. You might be surprised at the results or how much you like it. When you are starting out in female domination or FLR it's much like Alice in Wonderland. Things are not always as they seem. Intuition is not always right.
The routine and repetition over time truly does changes behavior and attitude and fortifies the Female Led Relationship. If you stick with a routine similar to what I described, I am sure that after just a few months not only will he be more obedient towards you but it will positively affect the dynamic of your relationship. You will feel a more confident and natural authority over him and he will feel a natural submission towards you with a strong desire to obey and please you, which ultimately leads to a more fulfilling relationship for both of you.
What I described may seem like a lot, but it really is simple. Our sessions flow very smoothly. They are routine and ritualistic but not rigid. Often times we end up in a discussion during the sessions. Be sure to set high expectations and be firm when your expectations are not met. We are Goddesses and deserve the best.
-Mz Kaylee
