Effective Punishments

In my last post, I wrote about the importance of punishment and noted that I believed some women avoid punishment because they are not sure what to do.  In this post, I will provide some guidance on how to effectively punish your husband when appropriate. This post is based on my knowledge and opinions drawn from my own experience as well as information that I have read over the years. I welcome thoughts and opinions from others.

It is important to point out that punishment should not be a regular occurrence in your relationship. Punishments are for when he purposely disobeys you, frequently slacks off/does not complete his chores. or does something in-excusable, such as yelling at you. If he becomes lazy or slacks off a bit, discipline measures should be taken first, before using punishment. However, if the laziness and bad behavior continues or becomes frequent, a punishment is in order to get him refocused. If you are having to punish him frequently, then you need to question his submission to you. Guys - if your wife needs to punish you frequently, then you need to reevaluate your commitment to the relationship. You need to be committed to serving her, pleasing her, and making her life better. If she has to punish you, then you are not doing your job and you are forcing her into an unpleasant situation. This is not the right way to grow your relationship.

When it is time to punish, it is best to do it timely. I was never good at coming up with a punishment on the sport, which often led to me not following through on a punishment. To solve that issue I've developed a list of standard punishments that I go to when needed. Another thing I do is have weekly planned discussions with my husband, which include talking about how well he is serving me. If he has been bad during the week and I am not in the frame of mind to issue an immediate punishment, I will use that planned time to dole out the punishment.  For serious digressions, that I am not prepared to issue an immediate punishment, I will call out his bad behavior right away and tell him we will discuss further in our weekly meeting. This give me time think about what I want to do.

There is not a one size fits all punishment.  Believe it or not, a punishment for one person could actually turn out to be a big turn-on for another person. You have to make sure the punishment is unpleasant and not just a fantasy punishment. I have listed several ideas below and these may or may not be effective for your husband. You have to be the judge of that based on how well you know your husband. 

It is also good practice to make the severity of the punishment coincide with the severity of "the crime."  The more inconvenienced I am as a result of his bad behavior, the more severe his punishment will be. For example, if he forgets to charge my phone overnight, that is a big inconvenience for me the next day and he's going to get a punishment, Likewise, the more upset or angry he makes me, the more severe the punishment.

Punishments do not have to be sexual or kinky in nature. If they are, you run the risk of it being more fantasy play. However, there are some sexual or kinky related punishments that are effective. The benefit of these types of punishment is that they play into his submissive nature and can deepen his submission to you.  It's a matter of preference as to which type of punishment you want to do. FLR's by nature are non-traditional and different from the norm so feel free to experiment and get creative with your punishments. It's a bonus for you if you can come up with a punishment that also benefits you, such as giving him extra chores to do.

In my last post, Kathy commented that what worked great for her was taking away privileges. I could not agree more. Taking away privileges is my first go-to punishment. Your husband's hobbies and passions are perfect targets for punishment. Some common examples include, watching sports or a favorite TV show, playing video games, poker nights, hanging out with the guys, playing golf or other sports, and cars. In the FLR, these need to be viewed as privileges for him and not rights  Even use of his cell phone can be viewed as a privilege. An effective punishment is to forbid him from partaking in these activities for a period of time. My husband plays sports with his guy friends regularly. Prohibiting him from playing for a period of time is a frequent punishment that I use with him. For small punishments I may make him miss a week or two but for bigger punishments I will often let him know that he is not allowed to go until I decide otherwise and some of that will depend on the improvement in his behavior.

Spanking is a common punishment used in Female Led Marriages. The punishment spanking is much different than a discipline spanking. A discipline spanking is usually not harsh and maybe playful and pleasurable for the husband. A punishment spanking om the other hand is harsh with no frills.  It should be unpleasant and may even bring tears to his eyes. There are many implements that can be used including a whip, riding crop, cane, and back of a hairbrush. The wife should clearly explain why he is being spanked. Often times the wife will assign a certain number of spanks to the bad behavior and make him count each one out loud. During the spanking or once it is complete, she requires him to apologize for his bad behavior and promise not to do it again. An intense spanking can be very emotional for a guy. Sometimes it may even end with the couple cuddling. Punishment spanking is not something I do. I don't like subjecting my husband to that type of physical pain. That is just my preference. For some people it works well and is an effective punishment. As an example, read the comment from AJ in the last post as well as the comment from her in the November 2017 post. In her relationship, spanking is effective.

Making him work for penance is another punishment example. Examples include adding more to his chores for a week or two, creating meaningless chores such as cleaning your shoes, hand washing the floor every night, and ironing all your clothes. I love the idea from Kathy's comment of having him bury a stick in a hole and then dig it up.

Chastity is another popular punishment. For those that don't wear a device daily, locking him up for a period of time can be a good punishment (presuming he does not like it). If he already wears a device, then delaying his release date can be a punishment. Likewise, denying him an orgasm for a longer period of time or letting him know that his next few orgasms will be ruined, may be a good punishments.

Below is a list of ideas, which I copied from my post on punishment that I wrote last year. You can apply more then one of these at a time. When I punish Thomas, I usually combine a harsh punishment with and extended punishment to ensure his behavior improves and he stays focused on pleasing me. As an example, every time he is punished, he must also wear a special pair of punishment panties. He wears these every day after the punishment until I decide otherwise and he must hand wash them each night and hang them to dry for the next day. These serve as a daily reminder that he needs to be on his best behavior.

• Early bedtime
• No talking for a period of time
• Takeaway spending money
• Micromanage him – he must ask permission for everything (to eat, drink, go to bathroom), when away he must text you every hour telling you where he is and what he is doing, give him lots of little tasks to do throughout day (get water, get pen, change his clothes, wash his hands, check the temperature outside, etc.)  If he complains, extend the duration of the punishment.
• Sleep on floor or couch
• Not allowed to sit on furniture
• Consume his cum after an orgasm. Some guys like being forced to do this but many others hate it. The longer post orgasm you wait, the harder it is for him to do. You do not have to give him an orgasm at the time of punishment.  You can simply tell him, the next 3 orgasms he will have to consume.
• Make him eat after everyone else in the house has eaten.
• Hand write over and over again, “I will not…..[whatever bad behavior is]”
• Must stay home and do chores while you go out for fun.  Tell friends you are with that he could not come because he has things to do for you which he did not get done earlier.
• Cold showers or he must take a bath using your leftover bathwater
• Must get up extra early to do chores or do an errand for you 
• Physical punishments that are unpleasant and become tiresome for him:  
• Stand or kneel naked in corner each night or morning over several days (hold quarter against wall with nose)
• Wear something uncomfortable every time he does chores such as a butt plug, uncomfortable shoes, or tight/spiked cock cage/harness

The Importance of Punishment

If you do not punish your husband or are hesitant to do so, please read this post. What I have to say may change your mind or help you be more comfortable with punishing your husband. If you are currently punishing your husband then I encourage you to comment on this post and provide feedback or share your experience with punishment so that others may learn from it.

Punishment is one of the most powerful and effective tools for strengthening the Wife Led Marriage but yet so many women do not do it. I would rank it right behind Orgasm Control in terms of powerful tools for leading the marriage; orgasm control is #1 on my list.  It is understandable why many women do not incorporate punishment into their marriage. For most people, having to dole out a punishment is not a pleasant experience and on the surface, it is a bit strange or awkward to punish your husband. I'm sure some women fear that their husband will reject their punishment or have the opposite concern, that their husband enjoys being punished and will do things purposely to get punished. Lastly, many women probably avoid punishment because they are just not sure how to appropriately punish their husband or what to do. I will address each of these concerns in this post but first I will explain why it is important to incorporate punishment into your Female Led Marriage.

The most obvious benefit is that punishment deters bad behavior. If your husband disobeys you or is regularly not meeting your expectations because of lack of focus or laziness, then a punishment quickly corrects the situation. Without punishment, the bad behavior just continuous leaving you frustrated or unhappy. You all know that already. I am not stating anything new here but there is a less obvious part of the equation that needs to be explored, which is the effects of avoiding punishment.

If you avoid punishing him for bad behavior it will most likely demotivate him from obeying you and serving you and could lead to him being unhappy. Take a moment to re-read that last sentence and absorb what I wrote. Lack of punishment demotivates him and makes him unhappy. This is because the submissive husband desires to be controlled and desires to be held accountable when he is not living up to your standards. When he does something wrong, if you do not take corrective action, then he instantly loses that feeling of being controlled and he begins to wonder whether or not you really care about the FLR. This starts the downward spiral within him. He may even start to test you and purposely slack off on his responsibilities. When no additional action is taken by you he is demotivated and you end up in a not so good situation. My husband and I have been in that situation a few times before. I've learned that I need to use punishment when his behavior is bad, in order to keep him focused on living up to my expectations and his submissive obligations.

Men know when they have done something bad or disobeyed. Even if they apologize, they still need to held accountable. Accepting their apology is not enough because without consequences, there is little to deter them from repeating the bad behavior. Holding them accountable is what keeps their submission strong, allows them penance, and deters the bad behavior in the future. They may not like the punishment (they should not like it) but they will appreciate that you are holding them accountable and exerting your control over them.

Another not so obvious effect of punishment is the emotional impact it has on men. When you issue a punishment and your husband yields to you and accepts the punishment, mentally he is acknowledging and accepting your authority over him. This is a huge emotional step that makes your authority 100% real to him and not just fantasy play. When a husband is punished, he learns that he is beneath his wife in the chain of command. The first time I punished my husband, he confessed afterward that it had a surreal effect on him. It was the first time he truly felt the realness of his submission to me and that he was no longer an equal in the marriage. This is why incorporating punishment in your marriage is so powerful. It takes your authority and dominance over him to higher level.

Punishments also prevent arguments and help the couple put the bad behavior or incident behind them and move on. Often times people avoid speaking up when they are upset about something because they don't like confrontation. This only leads to a build up of anger over time and possibly resentment, which either leads to unhappiness or an explosive argument. If one person does speak up, the other person tends to be defensive which can lead to an argument with no positive outcome or resolution. After an argument, bad feelings can continue unless there is a resolution. The advantage of a FLR is that the wife is the final authority and the husband accepts this. Instead of arguing, she just firmly addresses his disobedience and issues the punishment. Once the punishment is over, everything resets and there are no more bad feelings.

Now that I've explained why punishing your husband is important, I can move onto addressing the road blocks many women face with using punishment as a tool in the marriage

Punishment is not a pleasant experience - This is true but it also not pleasant to be unhappy or frustrated due to a lack of obedience from your husband. While it's easier to not punish him, it is not the best thing for the relationship. Not taking action leads to continued frustration or unhappiness which overtime leads to anger. It's best to address the issue immediately and issue a punishment. As soon as the punishment is issued, you will feel better and his behavior will change leading to a positive outcome. If you are at the point of punishing him, then he should already know that he did something wrong and it should be no surprise to him that a punishment is coming. Most men will genuinely feel bad about disappointing you and will accept the punishment as a form of penance.  I know my husband tends to be much more focused on pleasing me and loving towards me after a punishment.

It is strange or awkward to punish your husband - At first, this may be true (although I am sure some of you have no problem punishing your husband :). It is a bit silly when you think about a wife punishing her husband. However, in the context of a FLR it makes a lot of sense. The first time I punished my husband, I was a little nervous and it did feel weird but he took his punishment without issue and even apologized. His behavior and attention to me after the punishment was stellar. I was pleased with the result and it upped my confidence with having authority over him. The more I used punishments, the more comfortable I became doling them out. You just need to give it a try and keep doing it.  Before you know it, you won't think twice about punishing him when it is warranted.

He will reject your punishment - If he is already under your control and has acknowledged you as leader, this should be a non-issue. Submissive men want to please their wife and want to be  held accountable. If they truly were bad or disobeyed you, they will feel bad about it and accept the punishment. If he puts up a fight, then there are deeper issues that you need to address in the relationship.

He will enjoy the punishment and do things on purpose to be punished - This was one of my concerns early on. However, I have learned that with the right punishment, this will not occur.  If you are currently not punishing your husband, then there is a good chance he will act-up or disobey to test you. Trust me, if you respond with an appropriate punishment, he will not continue to seek out punishments. He will do everything possible to avoid being punished. It is important that your punishments are unpleasant for him so that they deter him from disobeying you.

She doe not know how to punish him or what to do? This is something I struggled with early on. Ideas for punishment are a common request on femdom forums so I would imagine many people struggle with this. The good news is that it is an an easy fix. With a little research and preparation, you can learn effective punishments and be ready to punish him when the time comes.  In my next post I will write about appropriate punishments and give a few ideas.

-Mz Kaylee

Savor the Goddess Lifestyle

Many of my posts are about how to bring out the submission in your husband. This post is focused on us, the Female Leaders. Be sure to enjoy your status as a leader and Goddess in the relationship. There are many perks in the FLR that are there for our enjoyment. 

I enjoy coming home to a clean house, especially when I am not the one who did the cleaning. I can't remember the last time I cleaned a bathroom. I love that my husband puts gas in my car, takes care of all the maintenance, and always chauffeurs me when we are together. He gets my cash from the ATM for me every week, obeys me instantly when I ask him to do something, and does most of the laundry.  It's rare that we have an argument and when we do there are consequences for him. I get the final say on all decisions; what a great thing!

Then there is the sex. Sex when and how I want it, every time! I've learned to let my inhibitions go and be selfish with my pleasure. It is so wonderful. I enjoy teasing him to the edge over and over again and watching him squirm beneath much touch only to be sent to bed fully aroused.

Ladies, live your life like a Goddess and a Queen. Make your husband work hard for you and give you a better lifestyle. Indulge in the Queen lifestyle. The irony of it all is that your husband will absolutely love it. The more you indulge the more exciting for him and the better he serves you so do not hold back!!

-Mz Kaylee

Mental Domination - The mind F#@K

When I first started experimenting with domination many years ago, a submissive guy explained to me a key difference between regular 'vanilla' sex and femdom sex. Great vanilla sex is fun for one night and then in a day or two you forget about it. Great Femdom sex on the other hand, affects your mind so much that the memory stays with you for days, weeks, or even years. 

His explanation provided invaluable insight and has stuck with my ever since. If you read into the meaning of this statement, it is that femdom affects the mind. It is not just about physical domination. Furthermore it is long lasting. An effective femdom session leaves a lasting mental imprint on the submissive. 

I know this is true because I see it in my husband Thomas. We have had many sessions together that have blown his mind and years later they are still fresh in his mind. From time-to-time he will say something like, 'remember that time when you called me up to the room in the middle of the day and made me....." It is exciting for me and even flattering to know that I made such a lasting impression n him.

When I started focusing more on the mental aspects of domination I became a more effective dominant and I also enjoyed domination more. Toying with my husband's mind became a fun passion for me and the results were thrilling. A good mind fuck is so much fun for both the Dominate and the sub. It is also the epic 'high' for submissive men. When you have their mind so twisted that they don't know which way is up and they can think straight because they are overcome with arousal and deep submission feelings towards you, then they drop into an euphoric subspace. If you can make this happen with your husband, it elevates your authority over him. He becomes addicted to your power and that makes him a more loyal submissive to you.

Often times the mind fuck just happens naturally. You get into a situation where the chemistry is just right and you feel it, he feels it, and your inhibitions go wild. It's incredible when that happens. The more comfortable you get with each other with the dom/sub dynamic, the easier it is to find yourself in these situations. With some thought and planning you can also purposely create these situations and blow you sub husbands mind. Here are some things that have worked for me:

Prolonged teasing - Teasing is the foundation to it all. Teasing his cock to the edge of orgasm over and over again spikes his arousal. The more heightened his arousal, the weaker his mind becomes. Men can not think straight when their arousal is running high. Each time he is brought to the edge, he becomes weaker and more under your control. When men are in a heightened state of arousal, they are ripe for being mind fucked. I will spend 15 - 20 minutes doing nothing but teasing his cock and when I am done he is putty in my hands. Once he is in this state, let the games begin!

Fetish wear - put on your latex and boots and break out the riding crop.  Tie your hair in a tight bun to give that tough look.  Men crumble at the site of a woman in fetish wear.  It's just one more thing to get their minds into a weakened and obedient state.

Be quick with your commands and extremely demanding and strict - This is where the fun starts. For example, order him to lick your boots. Once he starts tell him he is too slow and order him to do it faster, then immediately tell him it's too fast and and the he needs to slow down, and then order him to do nice long licks and clean your boots. Order his hand behind his back while he worships your boots, then lift your foot and make him lick the bottom or suck your heels...keep the demands coming.  The quick commands force him into a situation where he can not think and all he can do is react to the next command. Now he's feeling true submission.

Create a no-win situation - This is where you really toy with his mind. Think of scenarios where no matter what he chooses there is no great outcome for him or the good outcome is impossible to reach. "Sweetie, If you promise to eat your cum I will let you orgasm, otherwise it's going to be at least 4 weeks until your next orgasm. What do you choose?" There are many scenarios you can do here.  If your man is in chastity, you could play around with his release date. Tease him like crazy while he's locked up and then tell him he can choose to be released but there will be no orgasm and he'll be locked again for two weeks with no release. Then give him the option that if he waits two more days, you will release him and give him a mind blowing orgasm. The better option is obviously to wait two days for the orgasm. Make it your goal to drive him so wild that night that he can not resist being released. You could even be seductive and try to convince him to beg to be released that night. Then once he's released, tease his cock and tell him its too bad he's going to miss out on a great orgasm.  Imagine how fun it will be to lock him back up again.

Use your seductive powers and his pleasure to seduce him into humiliating situations or to push his limits. It's important to understand that submissive men enjoy being forced or seduced into humiliating situations and they enjoy having their limits challenged. When these things happen they are truly feeling and experiencing your power over them and your authority. They crave to be in situations where they are at your mercy and feel like they can not resist your seductive powers. The biggest mind fuck's occur in these situations. I've written about one of these situations in a previous post. I had my husband aroused and in panties. I referred to him using a feminine name, "Tammy," instead of his name "Thomas."  I spent some time getting him in the frame of mind that he was Tammy (that he was a girl for me that night). Then I pointed to his cock and said "Tammy, stroke Thomas;s cock." He obeyed and for the next 20 - 30 minutes we played out the scenario where she (Tammy) was giving Thomas a hand job. I made him tell me how it felt stroking Thomas's cock. I told her to notice how excited it made her the more she stroked his cock (total mind fuck since it was really his cock and the more 'she' stroked the more aroused he became).  I told her to keep him on edge and not let him cum.

My husband is a straight guy and so him pretending to stroke another guy's cock is not something he would normally want to do or ever think about doing. However, because I seduced him into the situation without him initially realizing what was going on, and I did it in a way that his arousal increased the further along we went, he could not resist doing it. My husband confessed that what I did totally blew his mind and he was embarrassed by it but he loved it and it was one of the hottest things he'd experienced. So there you have it. A straight guy admitting that one of the hottest things he did was imagining himself as a girl stroking another guy's cock. That's a mind fuck!  I definitely pushed past his limits that night. There was a closeness or deep bond that we felt after that experience. It's not something I can explain but it brought us emotionally closer together.

As noted in the beginning of this post, using his arousal is a big part of setting the stage for the mind fuck. I also find that seduction is a big part. Specifically, the type of seduction I am talking about is dressing sexy, teasing his cock throughout the experience, and frequently letting him know how pleased and aroused you are by his actions (this is very powerful!). I provided some example scenarios above. There are many different scenarios you can use.  Think about what your husband's hot button are; what are his fetishes or things that drive him wild and set-off his arousal?  Build your scenarios around these things to really give him a good mind fuck. 

I hope this gives you some ideas to use. The mind fuck is a great way to add fun and spice to your marriage and it also does wonders in strengthening your emotional bond with each other. Please share your experiences or let me know how it goes if you try any of the above ideas.

-Mz Kaylee