Submissive Men and Chores

There were quite a few comments and questions about chores in the comments of the last post so I decided to write a post on chores. Doing chores is probably not something most guys think about when they are are first venturing into female domination and female led relationships or wife led marriages. I'd be willing to bet most guys in the beginning would actually want to avoid chores and instead are viewing their submission mostly in a sexual way and thinking more about being forced to be a sexual slave or being punished and humiliated. This seems to be the typical guy fantasy.  It is fine as a fantasy and if you have a woman who is willing to indulge in that fantasy over and over again, then that's great and your are one lucky guy.

However, the reality for most guys is that the only women who are going to strictly indulge in their sexual submissive fantasy on an ongoing basis, are the ones that require payment. There is no shortage of professional dominatrix or online mistresses that will satisfy those desires so long as you keep paying them. If you want a real sustainable FLR/WLM then you need to look beyond the sexual fantasy. You need to adjust your fantasy to incorporate things that benefit your partner and appeal to her. Her being sexually dominant to you is not a sustainable benefit for her. Being dominant can be fun but it is also work. Unlike submissive guys who crave to be dominated, most women can live with or without it. 

Taking on chores is one way for the submissive fantasy to transcend into reality and to make it appealing to your partner. I think it is safe to say that most, if not all, women do not enjoy doing chores. I absolutely love that I don't have to do them anymore. I don't ever want to go back to doing chores and so that is motivation for me to lead the WLM and keep it going strong by incorporating femdom to motivate my husband. My husband is motivated by sexual pleasure and his strong desire to be controlled and I am motivated by him working for me, pampering me, and treating me like a Queen. We’ve found the balance between those motivators that works well for us as a couple.

An environment can be created by the woman to add excitement to the chores for the guy. This is done by incorporating female domination and making the chores meaningful to the guy by holding him accountable for completing them. Some examples of how to do this are outlined below:

Training - Make it a big deal when you train him on new chores. Have him naked or in panties or a maid outfit, or some other outfit such as a collar and cuffs. Pulling him around on a leash while training him is also fun. Be firm and clear on your instructions and expectations for how he is to do the chore. A dominant and demanding tone is exciting for him. Carrying a riding crop or paddle with you while training is also fun. Give his butt a little slap to enforce certain points or to correct him if he is not doing something right. Make sure his cock is hard during the training. Give it a few strokes when he is doing good. Hold it firmly while you are giving him instructions. I like using it as a handle to pull him around the house :). Associating pleasure with chores, makes it exciting for him. Make him write down the chore expectations and keep a chore journal so that he does not forget. Do not hesitate to retrain him again if he starts slacking off on a chore. Your submissive husband will be very excited and eager to be trained  on chores if you incorporate some of the above techniques or add your own dominant spin to the training. 

Incorporate Reviews and Discipline  If you do not review his work regularly, he will begin to slack off on chores. If you are home while he is doing chores, take a look at his work and give him immediate feedback. If he is doing good, give his cock a little rub or give him a kiss and tell him how pleased your are with his work. If he forgot to do something or did not do a chore to your expectations, let him know and make him fix it. It's up to you if you want to add any discipline. Usually pointing out his mistake is enough because guys feel bad about not meeting your expectations. Sometimes I will say, I'll add that to the list for our review session, which usually results in added time for his weekly corner time. If there is a recurring problem then a punishment may be in order to help him stay focused. My husband has been sent to the corner a few times for not hanging my clothes properly and he's missed a guys night out because he's forgotten to mop the kitchen floor. 

It is very important that the wife/gf pay attention to the chores and provide feedback, both positive and negative, to the guy on his performance with chores. It is especially important to do this when he is being trained on a new chore. This is what makes it exciting for him and motivates him to do a good job. The wife should be strict in how she evaluates his performance and should not feel bad about disciplining or punishing him when needed. This is what submissive guys want. They need structure, high expectations, and to be held accountable. It is also important to provide positive motivators and reward him when he is meeting expectations. A cock rub is a good motivator and indulging in his fantasies and fetishes is a nice reward to. I love that one of my husband’s favorite rewards is when I order him to pleasure me with his tongue. 

I recommend that the wife use a combination of immediate feedback when possible, and a weekly review of his performance. I often make notes in my phone throughout the week of things I notice and then review them with him at our weekly review session. When he is being trained on a new chore, I pay close attention and give him more immediate feedback until I feel he is doing it perfect. It takes commitment from the wife to pay attention to the chores and  give feedback. I was not good with this in the beginning but over time I realized that when I did not pay attention, he slacked off on chores but when I paid close attention, not only was he motivated to do them but he was excited about it. Eventually I made the realization that the amount of time needed for oversight and feedback was a fraction of the time I was previously spending on doing the chores and that when I supervised, the house stayed much cleaner than it ever was before we changed to a WLM.  This made it easy for me to accept the responsibility.

Make him wear a chore outfit  A chore outfit helps put him in a submissive mode and adds a little excitement for him. Chore outfits have a strong psychological effect on submissive guys The outfit can be as simple as requiring him to wear a collar and/or cuffs or making him do chores naked. A butt plug most definitely brings out his submissive feelings. For many guys being feminized while doing chores is very exciting. The role reversal of him being the house wife is an exciting humiliation. This can range from requiring him to wear panties all the way up to being fully feminized with a bra, stockings, garters, and dress. A maid outfit is also fun. I require my my husband to wear "maid panties" that are black silk and trimmed with white lace. He does chores on a daily basis but Sundays are the day in which he does most of the house chores so that is the day he wears the maid panties. If the kids are around, he wears them under his clothes. If they are not home, then he does he chores in nothing but the panties. Sometimes I will make him iron my clothes naked.

Change his Perspective

Instead of making chores about doing work, change his thinking to be that he is doing chores to serve you and make your life better. He should feel privileged to be a servant or slave to a Goddess. It sounds simple, but it adds meaning to what he is doing. I often refer to him as slave or maid when he is doing chores. That always gets a rise out of him and adds pep to his step.  Guys - this is something you can do own your own without prompting from her. You just need to reframe your mental state to view chores differently. I was lucky that my husband always had this attitude about chores so he was an eager trainer.

Should he do all the chores?

If you read my previous two posts, then you know that my husband does just about every chore in our house. Do not shed any tears for him or have pity for him. He can handle it and he is living his fantasy. I would not expect the husband to do most of the chores in every WLM. The amount of chores assigned to him depends on your current lifestyle and his ability to take on the work. For example, if you have a very active social life or if his job is demanding and requires extra hours, then he may be limited in the amount of chores he can take on. I would also not advise that you assign him a lot of chores all at once. This is sure to burn him out or create a lot of stress for him. It took many years for me to assign most of the chores to my husband. Part of the reason for the long transition was tied to our lifestyle. As the kids got older and the craziness of coaching, and running them around to sporting events and activities subsided, he had more time on his hands. Also, he took on a new job that was less demanding than his previous one, which gave him more time. Before all these changes, he would have struggled to take on a lot of extra chores and so I shared in the chore responsibility. Part of the transition of chores was also tied to his ability to take on more chores. I would train him on one chore and then wait for him to get it down and get into a good routine before adding another. Overtime he became good and efficient at doing his new chores and so he was able to take on more.

So where does one start with the chores and figure out the right allocation? I would hope that in most traditional marriages the chores are split pretty evenly among husband and wife. Therefore, unless there is some unusual circumstances, in a WLM the guy should be doing more than 1/2 of the chores. For me it was a no-brainer to start with having him clean the bathrooms because I don't like doing it. Bathrooms also have the connotation of a "woman's" job so making him clean them is a great form of role reversal domination. Laundry was another big one that I was happy to transition to him. Establishing rules and high expectations for the chores he is already doing is another way to add to your control. For example, prior to our WLM, my husband was responsible for cleaning the dishes. There were times when dirty dishes would sit around for hours and even overnight. After WLM I established a rule that all dishes had to be cleaned by the end of the night and that he had to wipe down all counters and the table. Later I updated the rule that dishes had to be done immediately after dinner and any dishes from the evening had to be done before he went to bed. It is so much better now that dishes are not piled in the sink. When you have clear rules and expectations, it keeps him focused on getting things done. It also makes it easier for you to evaluate his performance because you have very specific standards that he has to meet.

While you don't want to overwhelm him, do not be afraid to push him hard. Guys can handle a lot and if he truly is serving you, then he should be working hard for you. If he is not working for you then he is probably spending time surfing for porn or fantasizing about how he wants to be dominated more, so it is in your best interest to keep him busy and doing things for you as much as possible.  When you incorporate the perspective of female domination into his chores, there is a certain excitement and pleasure that he gets from being forced to work hard for  you. My sense is that a lot of women are too easy or their husband/bf and that the guys want to be pushed harder. 

 After reading all of the above, you can see that doing chores in a WLM is much different than doing chores in a traditional marriage. The chores become a part of the domination dynamic and therefore become meaningful and at times exciting for the guy. Chores become integrated into the submissive fantasy and so it is not all work and no play. It is work mixed in with fantasy which makes chores more tolerable and sometimes fun.

-Mz Kaylee