Those Weird Kinky Moments That Bring Us Closer Together

Sex is an important part of marriage and I believe kink has a rightful place in the marriage as well. Just about every man in the world would not argue with this. It's unfortunate that many women do not recognize this. When a woman ignores the sexual component of her marriage it creates stress in the marriage which can cause her to be distant from her husband, or even worse, it creates risk for an affair to occur.  Men are sexual creatures; this can not be ignored. Women are sexual too, but for men it's much more prevalent and always on their minds.

In a FLR the woman recognizes the importance of sex to the man and uses it as a tool to control him and maintain authority over him. A woman who embraces her husband's submission and sexual desires will create an environment that strengthens the marriage and bring the couple closer together and connected on a deep spiritual level. When done right, a FLR builds an environment where the husband's life evolves around her not just because there are rules, but because he worships her, adores her, and is addicted to her authority and control. In this type of environment, the man feels lucky to be married to his wife and strives to to please her any way he can. The thought of an affair is non-existent.

Many women struggle with embracing their inner Goddess or Mistress. This includes letting their inhibitions go and actively using their husband's sexual desires and fantasies as tools to elevate her control and authority over him. It was something that took me awhile to understand and embrace and when I did, it opened up a whole new world to me. Here is the crazy thing - In talking with a friend of mine (you know who you are :)), we both came to the conclusion that those strange kinky moments brought us closer together with our husbands in a big way.  It's something you have to experience to truly understand. Before I elaborate, I'd like to share a few quotes from Elise Sutton. I consider her an expert on female authority and she has been a wonderful influence on both my husband and I.  In the early years of our FLR, my husband bought me one of her books and it helped me to understand how real and fulfilling a FLR lifestyle is.

"Men create the majority of FemDom art, pictures and images to express how powerful women are in their eyes and how weak they feel in a woman’s presence. These images represent what men are feeling inside."

"So I say to the ladies, please do not get offended by FemDom artwork, videos, or literature, no matter how graphic in nature some of these may be. Instead, look more closely at what is being expressed by the male gender. What are men trying to convey when they produce media that shows men collared and bound at the feet of a woman? Ask yourself, why are sites like The Other World Kingdom so popular with men? What do these pictures say about the male submissive nature?  If a woman will look closer, get over her prudish and self-righteous ways and examine the message more than the content, then she will gain an incredible insight into the male psyche. What is the underlying message to all of these expressions, regardless of the content? Is it not simply the male gender recognizing his need to submit to the female gender? Is it not the inner male child, crying out to be disciplined and trained by the female gender? Is it not the true nature of man breaking forth in his attempt to surrender himself to the female gender?"

The entire article can be found here:  http://femdoming.com/what-is-female-domination-female-supremacy/ 

The article also talks about female superiority, which has been a hot topic here the last few weeks so be sure to check it out.

Ms. Sutton's observations and insights are spot on. Women need to understand that men desire kink and submissive men desire to be dominated by a woman. They want to be spanked, punished, held accountable, and put in an environment filled with rules, strictness, and rituals that reinforce their submission. They are happiest and most productive when they are in this type of environment. When things start turning back to "vanilla" their minds wander back to porn and fantasies and the focus comes off of the their wives. Even in a FLR, this can happen. Overtime, the FLR becomes routine and the spice is lost. Men in this situation overtime will often just accept the situation and even start believing that kinkiness should not be a part of the FLR. I've seen this dynamic play out in forums where you have people who have many years of experience in a FLR.  A new comer posts a kinky experience and then all the old timers blast him for it. In those situations, I think it's the old-timers that need to reevaluate themselves. They've essentially been trained by their wives that the kinky desires are bad or that they should suppress these desires. However, I'm pretty sure deep down, those desires exist in those men and if their wives simply played into them, it would take their marriage to a whole new level and the men would not complain at all.

I'll caveat a few things here. For most men, the need for kink declines when they are older but I don't think it ever goes away. I can tell you my hubby is in his late 40's and is horny as ever.  Also, in more mature relationships there tends to be a less emphasis on kink. I believe it's in the best interest of the marriage to always have some level of kink, but the frequency and intensity of it will vary based on the individuals desires and will probably change over time.

I also want to make it clear that I am not saying the old-timers in my example are unhappy or disconnected in the marriage. The fact that they are in a FLR probably means they are happier and more connected to their wives than most other men who are in vanilla relationships. One can certainly have a FLR without kink. The point I am making is that kink is a powerful tool that brings the couple closer together, makes the marriage happier, contributes to the increasing authority of the wife over the husband and for the husband creates loyalty to his wife. A husband without kink is living like a caterpillar, whereas if he had kink, he could experience his full potential as a butterfly and live a much more fulfilling life. With kink he will happily soar on his submissive wings and bring even greater joy to his wife.

I will share a few of my own personal examples to bring some context to all this theory. When I first married Thomas, I never imagined that many years later I would have him lying over my lap, dressed in frilly panties, and waiting be spanked with my riding crop. I did not even know the concept of orgasm control and denial, or that there were wives that punished their husbands. When Thomas brought those concepts to me I thought it was strange and weird but I kept an open mind about it and gave it a try. It was only after living through these experiences a few times that I began to gain an understanding of why the FLR dynamic worked.

One of my earlier kinky experiences was when I focused on the "little girl" in Thomas. I had put him in panties previously, but this particular time, I was more comfortable in my role and I playfully teased him and talked about how cute he was in panties and told him that he was my little girl. The reaction from him was indescribable. He was quiet, docile, almost blank. I knew he was aroused beyond belief.  He was in subspace.  I think he was shocked that I went "there" and I was a little surprised myself. I felt his vulnerability, his submission to me, and my power over him. He was putty in my hands.

It was a very intimate moment for us. It brought us closer together. The next day he could not thank me enough for doing it. His obedience to me was at an all time high the next few days and his loyalty to me increased. He confessed he was embarrassed by it but that he was also very excited by what happened. He did not understand it, but he loved it. How many husbands and wives have those types of very personal and intimate experiences and discussions? When you can  talk about those things, it creates a special bond. It is wonderful.

I have more examples to share but I will pause there for now. Please share your thoughts or similar experiences. I also encourage all of the women readers to explore the kinky side of the relationship. It's never too late to start. Trust me, your husband will love it and it will do wonders for your relationship. If you have any reservations about this, please share and we can discuss.

-Mz Kaylee

The Superior Female

Some of the comments in the post “The Dominant Part of FLR“ centered on Female Superiority and whether or not females are superior to men. If you search the internet (and I did) you will find articles that make the case for female superiority and articles that make the case for male superiority. Which side is right? Some are a little more scientific than others.  The article below presents a balanced view of both arguments:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201207/the-battle-the-sexes

I never paid much attention to the argument and considered female superiority more fantasy than fact. However, the recent comments have had me thinking about it more. I’ve been reflecting on the behaviors in my own marriage and have begun to wonder if I’ve been subscribing to the female superiority belief on a subconscious level. To start with, Thomas refers to me as Goddess and I do take on that role well J. It actually took many years for me to embrace the role but once I accepted my role as Goddess to Thomas, it unlocked a whole new world for me and our FLR grew in leaps and bounds.  We use the term ‘worship’ quite often. Thomas worships my feet, he worships my panties, and after he massages my body, he thanks me for allowing him to worship my body. Is it really worship or is it fantasy? He regularly kneels before me and kisses my feet. He also kisses my legs, ass, and other body parts before he massages them. These are all signs of worship. Does that make me superior to him?  

Then there is the ownership thing. I feel a sense of ownership in Thomas. How about it  my fellow Goddesses and Mistresses, don’t you feel this too? I know Thomas wants to feel like he’s owned. He is still my husband but it is like he is also my property. I can do what I please with him and he obeys without question. I use him for my pleasure when I want and I use him as a work horse for me and he loves it. When you think about it, over the years I have trained him, shaped him, and molded him. Most of what he does during the day is either for me or because of me. I have shaped his daily behaviors and even molded the way he thinks. I take ownership in that. Does that make me a superior being to him?

Thomas could not imagine a life where he is equal with me and neither could I. We both agree that our marriage is much better and individually we are better people and much happier with me in the lead and him submitting to me. He may be physically stronger than me but I can outsmart him. I know how to push all his buttons and wrap him around my finger and get him to do just about anything. Does that make me stronger than him? I am definitely superior to him in marriage and in life. He has accepted that but does that make me a superior being to him?  Maybe.

Taking the stance of females being superior over males is certainly a great way to embrace the dominant role and there is no doubt in my mind that if both partners embrace this concept their FLR will flourish but is it really just fantasy? Where I struggle the most with the concept is outside of the marriage.  Am I to expect that when Thomas walks into a room of women, he is to accept that he is inferior to all of them? I’m not so sure about that. There are quite a few women that I know, whom I would not consider superior to my husband.  I would expect him to treat all women with respect and go out of his way to accommodate them, but not that he see himself as an inferior human to them. What about when I walk into a room of men….should I feel superior to them?  Hmmm, I like that thought J.  It’s a great thought but I sense that a woman who viewed herself superior to men might come off condescending and will have challenges building relationships and trust with men.  Perhaps that would not matter to the superior woman. If I proclaim myself a superior being to men, what does that matter anyway?  Why is that important?  It’s just another label. 

Please share your thoughts and opinions. It would be great to hear discussions arguing for each side (superiority vs. equality).

-Mz Kaylee

Exerting your Dominance

This post is a followup to the previous post. You all are making it easy to write this post. Your comments have been great and on point to what I was thinking. Much of what was shared are things I would consider a must in a FLR and some are things that are not necessarily "musts" but are practices that enhance and strengthen the FLR and distinguish it from a typical vanilla relationship.

If you recall, the questions we were trying to answer were: what makes a FLR real and not just a game to spice up the marriage; how do you keep it from being vanilla?

From the comments shared, here are the things I consider musts:

1. Orgasm Control -this directs his focus to the wife and gives her authority over him.
2. Formal acceptance of her authority.  No negotiation of the established authority -  formal acceptance is a key distinguishing factor compared to a traditional marriage where the wife is known to "wear the pants."  
3. Inequality - FLR does not exist if there is equality.

Items from the comments that are not required but add to the wife's dominance and keep the relationship from becoming vanilla:

1. Punishment - makes him accountable for his actions and establishes clear lines of power and authority between husband and wife.. The first time he is punished, it brings a new level of reality to the FLR and he learns it's not a fantasy anymore. Punishment also improves obedience.
2. Financial control - Money is a source of power.  When the wife controls the money, she increases her power and authority over him. Without direct access to money, the husband becomes dependent on her and this deepens his submission to her. What better way to pay tribute to your wife than to work hard to earn money and let her spend it how she desires? 
3. He does most of the chores - This one is not on the must list but it is pretty much a staple in every FLR. I can't imagine why a wife would not take advantage of this one. Very early in the FLR the wife may not know enough about FLR or have enough confidence to start assigning chores, but usually she gets there pretty quickly. When it comes to chores, I see two differences in a FLR versus a traditional marriage. First, in a FLR most, if not all, chores are assigned to the husband. The wife is only doing chores that she wants to do or has to do out of necessity. Whereas in a traditional marriage there usually is a balance of work between husband and wife and it is often split based on social norms (e.g. girls clean and guys do the labor intensive work). The other difference is that in a FLR the wife has clear expectations on how and when chores are done and if they are not done according to those expectations, there are consequences for the husband. Before we started a FLR Thomas did his chores his way and I felt I did not have much say. For example, he did the dishes but sometimes he would let them sit until the next day or not put the clean dishes away for days. He did not always wipe the table down either. If I complained about this, he might do better for a few days but then go back to his old habits. If I said something again it would be nagging. Sometimes I would wipe the table and counters and put things away rather than confront him. Now in our FLR, he knows he must have the dishes done every night and wipe the table and counters or he will be punished. I have no reservations about holding him accountable for these expectations.
4. Rituals - many of you described rituals. I loved reading how many guys on a daily basis bend to their knees in front of their wives and proclaim their love and obedience for her.  How wonderful and romantic and a great way to keep the bonds of marriage and FLR strong.

Thank you all for your contributions on this topic.  You captured many key elements of a FLR that separate it from a traditional marriage. In addition to the above, control in the bedroom is another aspect of the FLR. This can be implied with orgasm control but I thought is was worthy of expanding the discussion more. With Thomas I have complete control when it comes to sex and the bedroom activities. Sex is always on my terms and when and how I want it.  He can voice an opinion but I choose whether or not to do anything about it. If I want an orgasm, I get one, His cock belongs to me and is my play toy to use whenever I desire. He pleases me anyway I desire and his pleasure is secondary.  During sex he is always on the bottom, and is not allowed to thrust unless I give permission. He never expects an orgasm but always seeks to give me one. He must always ask for permission to cum, no exceptions to this rule! How a woman chooses to manage the sex and bedroom play is up to her but it should always be on her terms.

It is also important that the wife keeps the FLR evolving. Believe it or not a FLR can become vanilla to the husband and wife. Someone on the outside may not see it as vanilla but for a couple that has been living the same routines over a period of time, those routines can become vanilla and then the relationship loses its spark. Your FLR should be a never ending journey that keeps evolving and growing. I think many women do fall into the routine and that is one of these reasons I started my blog.  There are so many blogs and articles about how to start a FLR but very few address the ongoing challenges of a FLR and what to do after you have established it.  One of my goals for this blog is to share ideas to keep relationships fun, exciting, and evolving.

Each topic above is worth digging into more deeply. I plan to expand on each one in my next few posts. If there is one in particular that you have an interest in, let me know. I also encourage you to read the comments in the previous post. There is great discussion and I have spent time replying to comments. However, I do not want to be the only one responding. Please add your thoughts and opinions to the discussions. Thanks to those of you who have been contributing. I am thrilled to see so many different people commenting and sharing their real life experiences.  Your contributions truly make this blog much more meaningful and a great source of information for both men and women.

Mz Kaylee