The downside is that he is no doubt filtering out things that may be of interest to me. Sometimes in the middle of all the nonsense you can find a little golden nugget idea. Therefore, every now and then I like to do research on my own. With my recent research I was pleasantly surprised to come across many women writing about their journey into WLM. It seems that more people are testing out the lifestyle or at least more are feeling comfortable writing about it. It's a great trend to see.
In my reading, I notice many different styles and approaches to the WLM. One person indicated that feminizing her husband was critical to the success of their WLM as it made her husband softer, compliant and more beautiful person. Shed advised other women to do it to their husband. Another person wrote about how having her husband consume her urine daily was a key part of their relationship as it was symbolic of her power over him and his submission to her. I know there are women who keep their husband as a cuckold and date other men. Some men are kept in chastity 24/7; some are forbidden to have intercourse and may only pleasure their wife with their tongue or through other means. Then there are the couples where there is very little kink and the husband simply enjoys serving his wife in non-sexual ways. I could go on and on about different styles and approaches to WLM.
So what is the right approach and style? The answer is up-to you and depends on what resonates with both you and your spouse. Every couple is different and you have to find the style and techniques that work best for you. For women trying to figure out FLR//WLM, my advice is to read as much as you can and then first try the things that resonate with you. The lifestyle is different than a typical marriage so it is important to keep an open mind and be willing to try new things. Once you get comfortable with the things that resonate with you, then try something that sounds a little crazy or weird. You may be surprised at how much you like it once you give it a try. If it does not work out, no big deal. Move on to the next crazy idea. When my husband first told me he wanted me to deny his orgasms and take control of when he can orgasm, I thought it was the craziest thing but I kept an open mind about it. Once I tried, I never looked back. Now it is a core part of our relationship.
If you keep an open mind and are willing to try new things you will find that your relationship with your husband will grow in a positive way and your interests and tastes begin to broaden over time. With me, there were things that I would never have considered doing early in the FLR but then as we evolved in our FLR, some of things suddenly became appealing. It took me awhile to warm up to the idea of punishing but overtime I understood the need for it and embraced the idea. Another example is the idea of making your husband wear panties. Very weird to me when I first heard it but eventually I gave it a try and now it's a regular thing in our house as I have discovered it is a very effective tool for bringing out the submission in my husband. I've learned to never say "never" in a FLR. Overtime, your interests, desires, and needs change and are shaped by new adventures.
The reward for being adventurous and open minded and embracing WLM is a relationship with your husband that continues to grow and evolve and a relationship that grows stronger and brings you closer together. We've been married for over 20 years and it never gets dull. We are very close and very much in love with each other. It is great situation to be in. I sincerely believe our relationship would not be this strong without WLM. If you are thinking about WLM or even curious about it, I highly recommend you give it a try. You have to experience it to understand it and you don't know what you are missing unless you give a try.
-Mz Kaylee
If you keep an open mind and are willing to try new things you will find that your relationship with your husband will grow in a positive way and your interests and tastes begin to broaden over time. With me, there were things that I would never have considered doing early in the FLR but then as we evolved in our FLR, some of things suddenly became appealing. It took me awhile to warm up to the idea of punishing but overtime I understood the need for it and embraced the idea. Another example is the idea of making your husband wear panties. Very weird to me when I first heard it but eventually I gave it a try and now it's a regular thing in our house as I have discovered it is a very effective tool for bringing out the submission in my husband. I've learned to never say "never" in a FLR. Overtime, your interests, desires, and needs change and are shaped by new adventures.
The reward for being adventurous and open minded and embracing WLM is a relationship with your husband that continues to grow and evolve and a relationship that grows stronger and brings you closer together. We've been married for over 20 years and it never gets dull. We are very close and very much in love with each other. It is great situation to be in. I sincerely believe our relationship would not be this strong without WLM. If you are thinking about WLM or even curious about it, I highly recommend you give it a try. You have to experience it to understand it and you don't know what you are missing unless you give a try.
-Mz Kaylee
I find it interesting to observe the semantics of couples who are in an FLR relationship without even knowing it. The woman is the initiator of most things , tells him what to do , corrects him and he is happy to go along with it...and all this in front of others!
ReplyDeleteWe have good friends where she assigns him things to do each day and a couple of times I was there when she came home. I noticed his demeanour changed and he looks a bit nervous. She immediately goes through the list of things he was supposed to do and he offers excuses if he forgot or did not do one.
I find it cute and amusing.
So you do not have to have any or all of the things you mentioned to have an FLR do You?
Very interesting question. Then again, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors with your friends. Perhaps there is more to it than what you see. I notice Kathy on Femdom101 posted about this (couples who are in a FLR without knowing it). Loved the post. I think it does happen where couples fall into it naturally and it works well for them.
DeleteWhen we were getting married ten years ago and were first discussing ideas related to chastity and domestic discipline, I can remember my wife going online to attempt to do "research", and being totally turned off and disgusted by the experience. Most of it was just porn fantasies, and totally unrealistic pornography at that. We both come from conservative religious backgrounds, and wanted a marriage that was really more like a gender-reversed version of a very traditional marriage.
ReplyDeleteSo we mostly just made things up without paying attention to what other people were doing, based on what felt normal and ethical to us. A "chastity belt" seemed great, since we both grew up thinking of masturbation and pornography as sinful and wrong, or at least something to be avoided. We had disciplinarian parents, so spanking was also pretty comfortable for us. And we both understood the idea of one spouse being "in charge" of the other -- we just switched the roles between husband and wife.
Eventually we did get more experimental and try a few things outside of our comfort zone. My wife still finds cross-dressing distasteful, but she has developed a fondness for making me give myself a pedicure at the same time as I do hers. It's a very mild form of feminization, but still wild by our fairly vanilla standards.
The last paragraph you wrote above is really true. I know that we're always going to have an exciting marriage, and as my wife has gone back to work outside the home, she's really enjoying a husband who can take over all her duties as "housewife" so she can just relax at night and be pampered. I can't imagine her ever giving it up now -- and of course men are easy to control and stimulate in this type of relationship, when kept almost constantly in a state of sexual frustration! I'd strongly encourage other wives not to be put off by all the unusual fantasies online, and to give "vanilla WLM" a try. There's always room to add wilder ideas later, or just to stick with the gender-reversed traditional marriage idea if you aren't into all the kink and sex play.
- E
Thank you for sharing this. It is great to see you are finding your way. I really appreciate that you shared from the perspective of what you were taught growing up. I often think that is a big barrier to women jumping into the lifestyle. I think a majority of people (at least of my age) would say their parents were conservative (me included). There is this stigma that FLR is too kinky and weird. It's great that you overcame this and saw the opportunity to do FLR without compromising your beliefs. Once you dive in and understand the lifestyle, you learn that it is a very good thing and much deeper than the kink.
DeleteGreat post! From the sub side patience is the key.
ReplyDeleteJust like there are many variations of Vanilla relationships, its not a surprise that there are also many flavors of FLR relationships. Whether it’s a flavor of Vanilla or something else, that’s all fine. Its whatever works well for each specific couple that’s the bottom line – you do what works and sits well for your specific case. No right or wrong it’s just all personal preference. Since this is an FLR blog and since I am heavily into the chastity variant of an FLR relationship, I would like to comment further on this aspect of a relationship.
ReplyDeleteFor most of my adult life, when I thought of relationships, what only came to my mind and knowledge was the Vanilla variant. That was “normal”, that was my exposure, and that is what I was comfortable with. It wasn’t until well into our marriage that my husband would very tentatively introduce hints of FLR to our relationship. This all would come in the form of sexual play. “Hey, let’s try this, it might be fun” type thing, and I would reluctantly agree to some of that since it wasn’t normal for the person I was at the time. It took a lot of courage on his part to do that. Is not easy to be the kinky one in a relationship and to risk anger, ridicule and rejection for bringing up new frontiers. Luckily for both my husband and I, we were both fortunate that I was open minded enough to at least try some of these things in play mode. It required me to step out of my comfort zone more than once, but for the sake of our relationship and due to the love I felt for my husband, I was willing to throw him some occasional scraps and let us put some of this into our sex life as one off type events. It was a try to keep him happy type thing. Much to my great surprise, I found myself enjoying these one off FLR play activities. This led to doing the one offs – more than once, and establishing a pattern of incorporating it into our “normal” sex play. I think the key to that occurring was that my husband was not pushy with it. He let it be playful and he let me make up my own mind. He was wise enough to know that if he made my experience in that play fun, enjoyable, and that there was something tangible and enjoyable for me directly – that I would latch on to it. And that’s what exactly happened. There has to be something beneficial and enjoyable for both parties for it to succeed, otherwise it’s a drudge, becomes a chore and all that results is resentment.
In particular, chastity play. This was very foreign to me. A cock was meant to be in a pussy and not some cage. This was me as the Vanilla wife speaking. It was my husband’s responsibility, that if this was to be an element in the relationship that he was desiring to have, to show me the real need for it and to make it something which I could see the absolute merit in and to provide me with a tangible elements that there was something in it for me (other than just something I should do to keep him happy). It needed to be something which I wanted to participate in if it was going to work. Very luckily for me, my husband was able to step up and to do that for me. Today I am totally enjoying the fruits of his labor so to speak and I would never have it any other way. I love chastity and I love my husband in chastity! It happens to work well for us as a couple. Its no longer a play element and it’s a lifestyle element – this was the absolute key to this matter. Through lots of diligence and patience and through a lot of one way streets (for my husband), my husband was able to demonstrate for me how I could benefit by providing him with that gift. Believe me it must have been very painful and difficult for him to do that, but that’s what he had to do to sell it. That’s reality.
ReplyDeleteHe began by sucking it up and just demonstrating to me that if I would be good enough to lock his cock into a chastity device, that he would then, in return for that “favor” do the following
1) He needed to demonstrate to me that I would not suffer sexually and emotionally due to the loss of his cock. If his cock is locked what does that mean for me sexually? I need my satisfaction and its not all about him. So, he needed to drastically improve his oral skills and to prove to me that oral could be better for me than his cock. It took a lot of trial and error on his part and some frustration on my part – but I can enthusiastically say he is there. He is the man with the golden tongue and I am happy for the most part to forgo his cock in our sexual relationship. His cock still occasionally comes out, but it definitely plays only a supporting role these days. His tongue is winning all of the Oscars. But it was totally on him to develop that skill and to prove to me that it worked. No tit for tat. He had to provide me with oral pleasure to my satisfaction (orgasm and more than one) without pestering me for any sort of payback. It was his job to sell it, not mine.
ReplyDelete2) And if he wanted chastity to go beyond playtime mode, then he needed to show me all of those other benefits supposedly attributed to chastity control. He seriously had to step up his game with housework without showing any angst. He volunteered to perform most of the household chores without any tit for tat and to do those chores competently and to my complete satisfaction without my reminding him to do so. He was able to do this as well. With occasional guidance from me in various tasks (which he took without resentment or anger) I was able to train him to “my” satisfaction in performing the necessary household work that had been previously in my domain as the “Vanilla wife”
It was only after a sustained period of time on his part performing #1,2 above, selflessly and without expectations of any sort of tit for tat and without any outward signs of anger or resentment or passive aggressiveness on his part - that he was able to win me over. This must have been very difficult for him and I give him great credit for being able to do that. Not only did he have to retrain me and my thought process in this regard, but he had to retrain himself. But he succeeded, and now we are both reaping the many, many, beautiful, fun, exciting, and tangible rewards of him having gone the extra mile for something which “he wanted”. Now its something we both want and won’t give up. He done such a good job that the genie is forever out of the bottle, and that even if he wanted to go back, I wouldn’t allow it to happen. I lead a much better and easier life both sexually, emotionally, and physically since he has gone into near full-time chastity. I have evolved where I find keeping in him chastity is fun and rewarding to me. His chastity has also led to so many other elements of an FLR relationship falling into place for us. It has definitely paved the way for us to transition from play mode to full time relationship mode. The bottom line is that he is getting what he finds to be enjoyable in the relationship both sexually and non-sexually and so am I. But it wasn’t an easy road. It took an open adventurous mind from me, and a lot of “one-way” street demonstration from him that this could work. I think my take away from this, as a woman, is that you must be willing to try new things and to dare to roll the dice sometimes and see what happens. Nothing ventured nothing gained. I am so happy that I was able to do that.
ReplyDeleteWith regards to chastity, now that we as a couple have some mileage with it. I want so share some of our roadmap to success with it. Begin with a cheap device. When you first begin you have zero clue as to what will work and if it will work. So go cheap and unfancy and just get your feet wet with it. See if its something which shows any signs of fruition. We started with the usual plastic CB devices. They were cheap and adjustable and required less precision for fitting. Then you need to discover a site like this one: https://denyingthumper.com/ If your talking about the man’s point of view of what it feels like to be in chastity, and what devices work and which don’t then this is your one stop shopping choice. Read Thumpers device reviews and he can greatly help you navigate the murky waters of male chastity devices. After we played and toyed with several plastic devices, my husband and I went to metal devices. We went through several iterations there as well. When you pay for a good one and know how to measure and order the appropriate device, so it fits and functions well (i.e. read Thumper’s blog and get all of his real world tips) it’s like the difference from going from a Neon to a luxury BMW. It makes all of the difference. Security is greatly enhanced – especially if you tie it in with a PA piercing (another hard sell my husband had to do on me to allow it…) it’s very secure. My personalized tip on comfort is to go small on devices. Its counterintuitive, but snugger smaller devices have proven to be way more comfortable to my husband, that’s our experience anyhow…. The comfort factor for him also shoots way up with a quality metal device. You absolutely get what you pay for in chastity devices. I also happen to like the look and feel of cold hard steel on my husbands’ cock. It makes his chastity feel real for me and aesthetically I like it as well. His cock looks so undressed now when he doesn’t wear his chastity device. But it’s worth it to start in plastic. Using the cheap generic plastic devices, you can dial in his measurements and comfort. When you buy a metal device, the good ones are expensive, and you don’t want to make mistakes there as they will be costly. You need him to do his dress rehearsal in plastic. I know for many couples a piercing may be a bridge too far. But in my opinion, it’s the only element which makes his chastity a real thing and not a play thing. Devices which don’t have PA locks are very easily defeated by your man. Trust me. Erotically it also just totally makes me wet to absolutely know without a doubt that my husband won’t be coming without my approval and my key! Likewise, for him, I think it has a similar effect. So again, for us it works – your mileage and need may vary.
ReplyDeleteAnother site I would also recommend for reading is this one: https://evolvingyourman.wordpress.com/
ReplyDeleteI like this site because, like the Thinktank, its written by a woman for women. But if your wondering on how to introduce chastity to your husband or boyfriend, I think it’s a valuable read. It also gives you another take and another flavor of FLR and chastity. It gives you another woman’s take on FLR and chastity and how they have improved her relationships.
I would like to end this comment by just saying to fellow women reading, be adventurous and roll the dice -or at least trying elements of FLR out. You might really surprise yourself and find that you enjoy it inside and out. It’s the best relationship thing which I have ever done. Men: I’m sorry to say that most likely this ball is going to be in your court for the most part. If you want this then your going to have to demonstrate to her that she benefits and that its only about you from a secondary perspective. You will need lots of patience and lots of selflessness to pull it off. But if your passionate about it and with a little bit of luck I think you can sell your lady on it. My husband sold me on it and I was very skeptical. But if you want it your going to have to sell it. Don’t beat her over the head with it. Sell it piece by piece and begin with fun (for both) play. Through repetition and positive experience, you will turn once off play into repeated play. And then into something which you incorporate into your normal sex play. Then if you don’t ruin it and stick to your game plan you can show your wife how your play can become something more.
I also agree that there needs to be education involved with all relationships. Do your own research and learn about FLR and all of its various aspects. That's why I included the links to those two sites which I found to be instructive. Many people learn best by doing. So my advice is to read and research exhaustively, and then to venture forward and to try applying all of your recent book learning with actual trial and error practice. We learn best by doing and through mistakes. Make some mistakes but learn through them and have fun in the process. This doesn't have to be all serious and life and death. Have fun with life and experiment!
ReplyDeleteAJ - my journey into FLR followed a similar path as you. The details were very different but similar to you it was a slow journey with my husband asking to do things here and there and selling me on the benefits. He was patient and persistent. I don't know how he did it without giving up. Once it all finally clicked with me it was great. I wish it was more like a switch where we (women) could suddenly understand it but that's not reality.
ReplyDeleteMen are always asking the question of how to get their wife into FLR. IF you read AJs comments above it will help you understand what you can do to make it happen.
AJ, many thanks for your long and detailed post(s). Very inspiring especially the one off idea and the concept of gentle persistence on the part of your husband. I am trying to pamper lovely wife to the point her of not feeling about getting the treatment she deserves as my mistress leader. I will try to gently bring up a one off playful idea for her to try for us in the coming weeks.
ReplyDeleteAJ, it sounds like you have really embraced your FLR.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you sharing your experiences. My wife and I have a mild form of FLR.
We practice orgasm control, without a device on an honor system. Initially I was introducing ideas to her, sending FLR blog links in an effort to get her interested. Then I realized that it was a form of topping from the bottom, so I stopped. I figured that if she was genuinely interested, that she would do research on her own. What I didn’t want, was her to implement ideas, just to placate my interests. After all, this is suppose to be what she wants. She maintains that she want to be in an FLR and started making a list of rules on the computer for me some months ago. I have to date, not seen these rules, so I asked if she could at least give them to me by this Christmas. In discussion she has lamented that she wished she learned about this FLR lifestyle earlier in our marriage. She said she would have definitely locked me up in chastity and implemented punishments. As with other couples in an FLR, where it was introduced by the man, it is the same with us. I approached my wife 6 years ago with the idea and it has been a slow transition, just as it has been with others. You would think that women would be all over this concept, but surprisingly no.
I thought it would be a good way to revive the excitement in our marriage, and it has to some degree, but the potential is there for it to be better.
I'm so into humilation, and being physical and sexually dominated by a strong woman and I'm liolook for a for,
ReplyDeleteI’m in a long term bbc cuckold marriage , it’s a TPE I have no rights I’m owned I’m property of Mistress Margo I’m her slave I’ve been whipped and beaten humiliated broken down and put back together as an obedient slave, we are firm Believers in the Black New World Order White dicklets are meant to be punished and locked up there is no safe words or crying for mercy if your in a TPE you forfeit anything like that my owner has the right to do with me what ever she decides and we take our TPE marriage seriously all the way the ultimate, now love making is something black men and white wife’s do it’s only for them oh sure I’m involved in clean up Master Micheal does love to see me lick his cum out of my wife and I cleaned his beautiful 10 inch real dark black cock after it shot sperm in my wife and I fell in love with bbc I worship his cock my wife is so proud of me when I get down on my knees and kiss his feet , she loves me to show him respect like that she said it’s a true test of our marriage it’s our achievement it’s our gift to the superior black race it’s a form of reparations to the Black New World Order My wife gives herself to Black men every where when it cums to black men my wife will not ever say no and I couldn’t be more proud of her she is a really wonderful dominant woman and Master Micheal is truly my black king I’m very happy that they allow me to serve them . slave cc
ReplyDeleteI’d like to say after Christmas that the thing I’m so grateful for is my wife , I love her so much I’m so grateful for her I just trust her with my life , I thought what could I give her to show her the love that I have for her well I thought the ultimate show of love for my owner the love of my life is ,I give myself to my owner I pledge myself to my wife/owner please use me any way you please I have no rights you don’t owe me anything you can live your life with freedom I’ll always support you in anything you do and I want my owner to have complete sexual freedom to have sex with who ever she pleases to live her life to the fullest I’m happy to be in a TPE marriage it’s a way for me to express my submissive love to the greatest lady in the world my goddess Mistress Margo if she didn’t use me It would be like an unopened gift thank you slave cc
ReplyDeleteIs this blog still active ?
ReplyDelete