I hope many
of you heeded the advice in my last post and took time to reflect on your
relationship and to plan ways to improve and strengthen it over the next year. In
any relationship it is smart to regularly reflect on how things are going and
then make adjustments or enhancements to keep the relationship strong and
exciting. It is also good practice to do this in all areas of your life. Set
goals for yourself and write them down. Did you know that you are more likely
to achieve your goals when you write them down? Try Taking that extra step and
write them down as vividly as you can. After I write my goals down, I like to
review them regularly so I stay focused on achieving them.
It also
helps to put a plan in place to achieve your goals. What specifically are you
going to do to make it happen? If you are not sure of your plan right away,
that is fine. The first step is to write down your goals and get it in your
head that you are going to accomplish them. You can focus on the “how” later.
You may need to do research, talk to others, or even attend training or
workshops to figure out the “how” part.
For 2020, I
have written down several goals in the areas of my job as well as my personal
life and Wife Led Marriage (WLM). A personal goal for me is to live in the moment. I am always
thinking ahead and as a result I often half pay attention to the person talking
to me. I need to develop the habit of focusing on the person talking to me and
what is happening at the moment. My plan for achieving this goal is to be an
active listener, which means paying close attention, asking questions, and
reconfirming what I am hearing.
One of my
WLM goals is to be more specific with my feedback and direction to my husband
so that he can serve me better. When I do weekly discipline sessions I often breeze
through the feedback or go easy on Thomas. When Thomas and I reflected back on
the times that he became lazy or got himself into trouble, it was usually when
we went several weeks in a row with quick or easy discipline sessions. Don’t
get me wrong, he needs to do a better job at staying obedient (that is one of
his goals) but I also have a responsibility to be firm and honest during the
discipline sessions. My plan for achieving this goal is to take time to prepare
for the session in advance so that I have clear and direct feedback for him. On
a side note, last year one of my goals was to be consistent with having regular
discipline sessions. Although I breezed through some of the sessions, there
were very few weeks where I did not do a discipline session with Thomas and
that was a big success for me. Now that I have gotten a routing down for the
sessions, I will focus on making them more effective (e.g. provide specific
feedback) in 2020. This is a good example of how I am regularly reassessing my
WLM and making adjustments to make it better.
When it comes to your WLM goals and plan, involve your spouse in the discussion. The wife, as the leader, has the final say on what gets written down but the husband should be given the opportunity to share his thoughts and he should have a clear understanding of what the goals and action plan are so that you can both work together to make them happen.
What goals have your set for 2020 and how do you plan to achieve them?
-Mz Kaylee
Mz Kaylee, Thank you so much for a great blog and for taking the time to post your thoughts. I feel as though I am among the many who receive a huge benefit from your time and efforts. However, I am also among the many who have not told you how much of an influence your blog has had on my personal growth in our WLM/FLR. Thank you so much for your help.
ReplyDeleteGoal setting, specific to within our marriage, is pretty new to me. Not quite four years ago, March 8, 2016 I asked my wife to take the lead in our marriage. That was my first resolution that I recall ever making specific to our relationship. I had contemplated the thought for a long time, years in fact, but never had the courage to discuss with her how I thought we could lead a better life. So my January 2016 personal resolution was to come clean with her, and ask her to lead. She accepted, and we slowly began a new life together.
2017's WLM resolution was to ask her permission for me to affirm my submission to her each day. I was feeling like I needed to reaffirm to her that I was committed to her leading more often. And, that by doing so, it would help keep my headspace in a submissive mode. I also thought that by repetition she would be more accepting of her own new role. I wrote a Daily Affirmation, memorized it, then got on my knees and recited it to her. She loved the thought of it, and agreed that we should make a daily affirmation a ritual. Her only request was that I add in "surrender" to my pledge. So now, sometimes multiple times daily, I am on my knees, affirming my surrender, submission, with a commitment to her happiness, and a promise to obey. This last year she has begun to respond at least once a day with her acceptance of my pledge and her promise to lead us.
2018 was the year of my "No Exception, No Excuses" resolution. January of that year I ask her to help me not escape from consequences when I failed to deliver on my promises to her. We have a list of promises to her that I placed under the headings of Love, Honor, Service, and Obey. We discussed my tone of voice and attitude as being two critical areas she wanted me to improve upon, and that she would employ strict discipline with me whenever she felt that I crossed the line. We found that I do respond well to corporal punishments and great strides were made in 2018 in my curtailing my ego and letting go of trivial issues.
Last year my WLM/FLR New Years Resolution was simply to be more respectful. First, more respectful to her. I asked that she help identify ways my behavior could improve and to please make this a "No Exceptions, No Excuses" rule. Second, generally be more respectful to other women. Third, to be more respectful to the wait staff I encounter daily, the bank teller, the waitress, waiter, clerks etc. And Fourth, to get better at owning up to my own problems and better at apologizing when I step out of line. by the way, The fourth item has been the most difficult to accomplish for me, but truthfully the most personally rewarding.)
This year, I told her that my personal goal for our Journey in 2020 was to be more patient, to increase my awareness of the times when I am most likely to fail in my professed submissiveness. My mission is to curtail negative outbursts by being aware of the situations that can create stress in me. I know that by me becoming more open and accepting of situations without immediately imposing my thoughts and actions is key. I need to develop the habit of stepping back and taking a breath before reacting, essentially becoming more patient.
As in each of the resolutions above, my 2020 Resolution will be added as a talking point during our Weekly Review session. This keeps the Resolution alive and most importantly measurable. Through weekly discussion of my success or failure at maintaining patience we will highlight trigger points. Hopefully this will help me foresee an issue before it becomes problematic.
Thanks again for your great blog. Really appreciate it!
Calibob
Beautiful comment and a fantastic example of continuous assessing and goal setting. Thank you for sharing and thanks for your positive feedback. I hope we hear more from you in the future about your WLM.
ReplyDeleteI agreed to our relationship, it has been positive. I need to do as told and not complain. I have asked that when it comes to spankings can they be administer in the bedroom, and not allow others to witness. My wife said that would not be a problem, but she reserve the right to administer when and where depending on what I have done. So we are starting off the year right.
ReplyDeleteHi Mz Kaylee, I am in awe of your relationship. I wish my wife could see the benefits of wife led. I try todo as many things as I can for her like doing many chores and doing extra if she asks. That’s where it stops because she gets weirded out by the idea of wife led. I’m not sure what I can do to actually get her to try. I enjoy your posts and just keep hoping things will finally start clicking.
ReplyDeleteChris