Handling the Finances and Assets in a WLM

A topic that often comes up in Wife Led Marriage (WLM) discussions is how the finances should be handled. Whether you are in a WLM or not, you (the Female) should be involved with the finances to ensure money is not being carelessly spent. In a WLM, the wife should not just be involved with the money, she should have control over the finances and restrict her husband's access to funds. Controlling the finances gives her real power over him and also keeps him from spending carelessly. Additionally, by restricting his spending, it forces him to choose wisely on how to spend his limited funds, which can help keep him out of trouble.  For example, a late night at the bar with friends is expensive and so he is incentivized to either skip the night out with the boys or leave early (boys tend to get into trouble later in the night when the booze is flowing). Most of what he does requires him to spend money and so another benefit of controlling his money is that you have direct control and influence on what he does. 

The most extreme step of financial control is to cutoff the husband completely from all money matters, bank accounts, and assets. As crazy as it sounds, many submissive guys would love this because without money and assets they are powerless and become dependent on the wife. This powerless and helplessness is a huge erotic rush for submissive men. However, for the mast majority of us, this is not a practical approach. I actually think it is a bit of a "cop out" for the submissive. There is stress and work associated with managing the finances. Why should he be freed from that and leave it all up to the Female? Shouldn't a good submissive take on all the grunt work of paying bills? I also believe it is a risky financial approach because in the event anything happens to you (the wife), he will not have immediate access to money in order to take care of you or himself. In the unfortunate event of death, he will be faced with challenges and complications to gain access to cash and assets, which not a good situation for a grieving spouse. I am amazed that there are some women who advocate for this approach. Perhaps they are not thinking about the long-term consequences. As the leader of the WLM it is your duty to lead in a way that is in the best interest of the marriage and therefore, in my opinion, a high risk approach like this should be eliminated, unless you consult with a lawyer and put in place a plan to address what happens in the unfortunate even of death or a severe illness. Having said all of that, I have corresponded with someone who has taken this extreme approach and she has done it in a carefully thought out way. I believe this to be the exception but it is a viable option. For confidentiality purpose I have not named her but if she is reading this, I hope that she comments and shares her thoughts. 

The good news is that the extreme approach is not necessary for the wife to gain control over the finances. There are many strategies that can be employed to restrict his access to funds. The degree to which the Female wields control will depend on her savviness with handling the money versus her husbands savviness and trustworthiness with money matters.  Let's face it, not everyone is good with money and that includes both Females and males. In my marriage, my husband is better with money management than I am and so I rightfully leverage his expertise and make him do all the grunt work associated with finances. However, I still retain control over the money.  More on that later in the post.

First, let's start with a few basics of how you can exert control, regardless of whether or not you are a good money manager. The simplest starting point is to put him on a weekly spending allowance and require him to come to you if he needs more money. At the most basic level, he still has access to accounts and credit cards and you are relying on his obedience to comply. You can enforce the allowance policy by reviewing statements, questioning unauthorized charges and withdrawals, and punishing as warranted. With this simple approach, you have essentially taken control of the money without putting all the work and responsibility on yourself. For example, if your husband is out and you want him to buy something or he has a need to buy something beyond his approved funds, you can authorize the purchase and he can easily access the funds. He will feel controlled because he will have to spend within his allowance and he will have to seek approval to exceed his allowance. Requests to go above the allowance should be met with disappointment and consequences.

A next step would be to have him close any bank accounts that are solely in his name. I recommend having one joint account and one account in your name only. I do not advise to eliminate the joint account due to the risks noted earlier in this post. Another step to take is to eliminate or limit the use of credit cards or debit cards. I recommend that you allow him to carry at least 1 credit card for emergency use. Review the monthly statement each month so that you can monitor whether it has been used or not. Many credits cards have alerts that can be set-up to text you anytime the card is used or if a certain dollar amount is charged to the card.

How you fund the bank accounts and how he is allowed to use the credit card will depend on how tightly you want to control money. The tighter the control, the less access he has but the more work it creates for you. If you are a person that enjoys dealing with money matters and bills, then having tighter control is probably a good strategy for you. In this case, he is left with a credit card for emergency use only and your sole account should have the majority of funds going directly into it. If possible have his paycheck direct deposited to your account. If his company does not allow it, then have it deposited to the joint account and set-up automatic transfers to go from the joint account to your sole account. The joint account should be left with enough funds that he can access in the event of an emergency or to access if you need him to purchase something. If you are exerting tight control, you may even want to restrict his access to ATM cards and not provide him with passwords for online access. However, I recommend you have a plan in place for him to be able access the funds in the event of an emergency. For example, you could place the ATM card in a sealed envelop to be opened only in an emergency.

How I Handle the Finances

I take a looser approach with financial control because my husband is better with the finances and I have no interest in paying the bills. I enjoy that he handles the work and stress associated with bill paying. Therefore, our paychecks go into a joint account so that he has funds to pay the bills. However, a portion of his paycheck is direct deposited into my account and a portion goes directly into a savings/investment account that is to be untouched until I decide otherwise. I could have easily had money go from my paycheck into my account instead of taking it out of his. However, as a sign of my control over him, I want it to come from his paycheck. I enjoyed having him submit a form to his payroll to direct money from his check into my account. He has no insight into my account and how I use the money. He has a weekly cash allowance for expenditures for himself. He must request approval if he needs more funds. He rarely needs to request additional funds as he has learned to live within his budget. 

He also has use of credit cards to make purchases. This is necessary because he does the food shopping, puts gas in the cars, and handles all the purchases needed for general household and yard maintenance. I have no desire to be involved in such purchases. However, large purchases ($100 or more) for any reason require my approval. I receive alerts on my phone from the credit card company when purchases exceed $100.  I will also review credit card statements regularly and will punish him if I come across charges that I feel are unwarranted or that he should have gotten approval for. Fortunately he has good judgement and it is not often that punishment is needed. Although there are rarely issues, I still take the time to review the statements and I will purposely question a few charges so the he knows I am watching. I want him to feel that control and this ensures that he does not start to spend without permission.

Since he does have access to funds and credit cards, there is opportunity for him to cheat the system and sneak in a few purchases outside his allowance. As noted above, I review credit card and bank statements regularly to prevent this. In addition I will periodically conduct audits. These are always surprise audits and I like to make a big deal out of it.  I will usually have him put on either his sissy panties or slave outfit (collar and cuffs) and kneel next to me while I sit at the computer and do a review of all accounts. He maintains an online check book and categorizes all purchases. Therefor it is easy for me to run reports and review how our money is spent. I will question him about anything unusual and I will also use the time to review how money is being spent, what is being saved, and whether or not we need to change anything, including his allowance. He is good with finances so I will seek his input and recommendations but I always have final say. The audits have never revealed anything concerning with his spending and I would not expect it since I already regularly review statements and capture issues at that time. However, they serve the purpose of demonstrating my control over the  money and over him while also letting him know that there is no room for him to spend outside his allowance without my permission. If he does, he will be caught and there will be consequences for him.

After the audit, I will tease his cock a bit as reward for his obedience. I may even give him a one time bonus to add to his allowance for the week. It is quite powerful to count out cash for him while he is kneeling before me, almost naked and with an erection.

Assets

Removing his name from assets, such as the house, cars, and investments, is another way for the wife gain power over her husband and push him deeper into submission. This is a do-able approach but again, there are bigger considerations that must be weighed, such as estate planning, tax consequences and management of the assets. What is best for you will depend on how many assets you have and your net worth. There can be tax advantages to not having assets jointly owned. The biggest concern that I am aware of, with removing him from ownership of your house or other assets is that if you pass away, he will have to go through a probate process to get ownership of the house and assets, which takes time and costs money. Since he is your spouse, it is likely that he will eventually be awarded the assets but there may be a risk that he may not. Having a valid will in place which dictates how assets are to be distributed should solve for this. I am certainly not an expert on estate planning so you should consult an attorney to determine what is a feasible approach for your situation.

Another consideration is management of the assets. If the assets are in your name, then only you can handle the transactions and issues associated with the assets. This means more work for you and less work for your husband. You may be able to add your husband as an authorized user on your account, but then of course that diminishes the control of having the assets in your name.

In our marriage I am focused on what is best financially for us and what is best for the long-term well being of each of us and so there are assets in my name, assets in his name, and assets jointly owned. There is no doubt that he is submissive to me and that I control him. I do not feel the need to take sole ownership of assets to have that control. In the end, since he is my spouse, he inherently has a stake in those assets, even if he is not listed as a joint owner and so it appears to me that the control aspect here is somewhat of a myth. However, I can understand how a wife would want to take this step to exert her control and create a sense ownership of her husband. For me, it's just not the approach I want to do. I have many other ways of exerting control :). 

Financial Planning

We meet regularly with a Female financial planner, which I highly recommend you do. At first my husband did most of the talking during our meetings because that is his area of expertise. However, after a few meetings, once I got a comfort level with what was being discussed, I began to ask more questions and take charge of the meeting. My husband is a wise slave and quieted down quickly the first time I started inserting myself into the conversation. I distinctly remember a surprised look on his face when I started dominating the discussion, and I enjoyed taking that control from him. He even commented to me a few days later that he felt control slipping away from him after that meeting and it made him feel even more submissive to me. Now, I am the one that corresponds with the financial planner and schedules appointments with her (or I order my husband to schedule the appointment). I still include him in the meetings because his financial savviness is valuable to me, but he gives his advice and then I discuss with the planner and make the final decisions.

Final Thoughts

Hopefully this gives you some ideas on how to take control of the finance in your WLM. Limiting his access or use of money is a definite and effective method of control. The amount of control you exert in financial matters depends on what you want to accomplish as well as how involved you want to be with the administrative work and handling issues. Tighter control will lead to more work for you and can be burdensome and stressful. No control or too loose control gives the submissive too much freedom and can lead to excessive and inappropriate spending. You need to find the right balance that works for you. 

-Mz Kaylee

  

If you are Woman who is good with money, then you probably already have a heavy hand in the finances and so taking full control over the money is probably an easy step. 

Making Our WLM More Public (Guest Post by Trina)

My desire to make our WLM more public has two main reasons, one altruistic and the other selfish. The first reason is that most of my women friends want to know how and why it is that Tony is such a perfect gentleman and wonderfully obedient husband; most of them know that he was not that way when he and I first got together. So they keep asking me, “What have you done to train him so well?” The second reason is that I find my power over him to be great for my ego and also very erotic, and the more public my power is the more it turns me on, both mentally and physically.

As I have related, our marriage did not start as a WLM, but rather as an F/m spanking dynamic. But my goal from the beginning was to have a marriage with very few arguments, and to have those few arguments settled very quickly and in my favor — and I knew I was going to use his need for spanking to achieve that goal. To that end I did internet research and was glad to find Aunt Kay’s Disciplinary Wives Club, which is an awesome site about how wives use spanking to control their husbands. (While Kay is deceased, the site can still be read at auntkaysdwc.com.)

Tony is not naturally submissive at all; he is an alpha male who is a lifelong spanko, and for much of his life he was mostly the spanker, and tells me he has had a couple dozen women over his knee. But he admits that it was getting harder and harder for him to find willing women, and that he really wanted a spanking relationship, not a series of one-nighters, and that his experiences as a spankee showed him that he was just as excited getting it as giving it. We met on a site for Christian spankos, and I let him know right away that if we were to get serious that I would be the only one doing the spanking. He agreed as long as I promised to spank him at least once a week, come rain or shine, as he was tired of going months between spankings.

Spanking him once a week clearly put me in the dominant position and him in the submissive one, and the more I spanked him to change his behavior, the more we moved into WLM. Almost every week I had a reason why he was being punished — and not just getting his weekly spanking. The social interaction issues that were the topic of a recent post was one of the first areas we delved into where I started making rules for him. 

It was also the first area that became public, because when I began grounding him from going out with the boys (about three years into our marriage), I made him tell them that he had been grounded by his wife. So it was clear to those husbands that I wore the pants in the family, and when their wives asked them why they weren’t more like Tony, they would tend to reply that he was pussy-whipped and that they weren’t going for that. So the wives also knew that I was in charge.

As I got more intrigued with WLM, I read about it on the internet, and was really taken with Lady Misato’s Real Women Don’t Do Housework (rwddh.com). I did not find Mz Kaylee’s site here, though I sure wish I had, nor did I find the blog that Kaylee has helped write, rwddh.blogspot.com, which has a post from a few years ago about how public a wife-led marriage should be.

I was fascinated by the rwddh philosophy of turning a husband into a knight in shining armor serving his queen — and Tony was quite taken with it, too, since a knight is a macho kind of guy, no matter how submissive he is to his queen. So we started incorporating that philosophy, and I also began using specific techniques explained on that site, including what I call the “cock talk” where virtually any important discussion happens with Tony’s cock in my hand, which almost guarantees that the discussion will end in my favor. The site also explains all about orgasm control, turning orgasm from a “right” to a “privilege” that must be earned and can only occur with the wife’s permission. These strategies and others on the rwddh site took us deeper and deeper into a WLM.

We began doing public things like him getting me drinks at parties, carrying my bags at the mall, bending down and fixing the strap  on my heels, rushing to my side every time I waved for him, getting orders from me rather than requests, me ordering for us both at restaurants and requesting the check come to me, him driving like a chauffeur with me in the back seat talking on the phone, me ignoring him in public while talking with others, me doing all the talking when in a meeting with a professional such as our attorney or accountant — and on and on, virtually everything I could think of to show that I am in charge. While each of these things is pretty minor, when taken together they do add up to an obvious WLM.

The next big public revelation was a couple of years after the grounding revelations. By this time I had Tony trained to do most of the household chores, and I started making him wear an apron and nothing else after the kids were in bed. My girlfriends and I have had a Thursday girls night out forever, which sometimes is a girls night in — we meet for the evening at one of our houses, with the husband required to make himself and the kids scarce, like on a different floor if not out of the house altogether for at least part of the evening.

We would typically meet from about 7:30-10, which is Tony’s time to put the kids to bed and do chores. After we had established his chore routine, the first that the girls were going to meet at our house I sat him down and told him that he was not absolved from his two hours of chores and was still going to do them in his apron in clear view of our guests — with a pair of shorts on. He objected quite vociferously, but changed his mind after being over my knee for 20 minutes or so. I told him that not only was he going to do all of his chores, but that he would be serving us as well — pouring wine, bringing snacks, clearing away dishes, and maybe even giving foot massages.

My husband is a workout freak and rather buff, and I knew the ladies would enjoy seeing him serving us with part of his chest and back and legs showing. The first time this happened there was a whole lot of giggling and oohing and aahing, and while he was embarrassed at first, I think my husband realized eventually that he enjoyed all of the positive attention from some great-looking wives.

There weren’t any foot massages that first time, but on subsequent visits he did get to make the rounds and give everyone a foot massage – maybe half a dozen ladies each night. This is a rather sensual and intimate act, with him kneeling on the floor and massaging a foot outstretched onto a foot stool. I noticed that he was trying hard to hide his erection as he massaged the women. It also turned me on, and after the girls left the first time I dragged him into the bedroom and had my way with him. It was very obvious to us that his submission was pleasurable for us both.

It was after this started about two years ago that I began to get the questions in earnest about how I had transformed my husband. I would usually just laugh or give a sly smile and not answer. But my friends seriously wanted to know, and it got to the point where some of them were a bit perturbed (and still are to a degree) that I wasn’t sharing my secrets.

I was withholding information to protect our privacy, but I was doing a disservice to my friends. Many of them were unhappy with their husbands and were desperate to know how to gain some control in the marriage. Many of our meetings were mostly bitch sessions about husbands, and it was very obvious to all that I said little at these times.

Eventually, just in the past few months, I sat Tony down to talk about it. He was well aware of my girlfriends’ desire for information, as they often asked their questions right in front of him while he was serving us. But his position was that they already knew more than he preferred — that he did all the household chores, that I grounded him, that he was unfailingly polite and obedient. That’s already a lot for an alpha male to handle, but I was asking him to handle more.  After several conversations, we agreed that we weren’t ready to share about him getting spanked or being required to wear a chastity device when not in my presence. He kept suggesting that I just refer the wives to various Web sites, but I argued that I needed to share with them some of the techniques that I actually use in our marriage, including the cock talks, total orgasm control, making him earn sex with me, grounding, writing lines, turning rights into privileges, financial control, and basically anything but spanking and locking his cock. He didn’t like it, but the belt and the bath brush are great persuaders.

So … just recently I have begun sharing with the Thursday night group. I started with the cock talk, which I thought was the easiest — as the man is getting a handjob and probably doesn’t even realize how he is being controlled. The girls were fascinated, and a number of them have tried it — with great results! Various wives have gotten their husbands to do more chores, call before coming home late, go out with the boys less, stop swearing in the wife’s presence, go down on the wife more, and I can’t remember what else! I told them that one of the best strategies is to stop in the middle: Get him just on the edge of cumming and then stop and say, “If you want me to finish you off, you need to lick my pussy first. Otherwise, good night!”

We have had several weeks of discussions just about this one strategy, which is easy for the husband to accept because he is getting MORE sex with his wife handling his cock so much. (It helps to give it a quick lick every so often as well.) But the cock talk can be used to introduce the other training methods to the husband. I’m going to tell the girls to get him really hard and then say something like, “If you want me to keep going, you will agree that I can ground you and forbid you from going out with your friends.” Or whatever behavior you want to change or strategy you want to implement.

That’s where I am in making my WLM more public. I will discuss the other strategies I mentioned, but I may never tell about spanking or using a chastity device. While I am definitely in charge, I also respect my husband’s wishes, and I don’t know if an alpha guy like Tony can ever come around to sharing about those two key ways that I dominate him.

Trina

Controlling His Social Life

I want to thank Joan for bringing up the topic of 'the husband's time with friends,' in the comments in my March 28th post. For reference, here are the comments she made:

"I'm a little less strict about allowing him some time to be with his friends (they love the outdoors) because he does so much work. I'm flexible with certain expectations, but I'm won't tolerate things not getting done, if that makes sense". 

"With job stress and Mistress Joan to answer to, he needs a break and earns the downtime I permit. With that said, he knows to conduct himself properly and avoid any and all problems, especially when the men are out in the forest camping and having a few beers. I think his friends are fairly sure of who exactly wears the pants in our marriage. They are very well behaved and gentlemen in my home.."  

-Joan

When it comes to WLM, the question is not whether the wife should have control over her husband's social life (It's an obvious yes!) but rather how much control should she exert. Like many other things, there is no one right answer. It depends on the current dynamics of the relationship. In this post I'll share how I handle it in my own marriage and will present some considerations to help female leaders with this aspect of WLM.

Let me start by saying that it is surprising to me how many couples I come across that do not socialize together frequently. I am talking about everyday couples in traditional marriages. I know of couples where the husband does his things and the wife does her things and they rarely socialize together or socialize among their mix of friends. That is a problem and a sign of a troubled marriage in my opinion. You are supposed to marry your soul mate and best friend so why would you not want to spend a good portion of your social time with your spouse? Without time together, a couple grows apart and loses intimacy and that special connection they found when they first met. 

Prior to WLM, Thomas and I did most things as a couple. We each also had our own subset of friends that we did things with on our own. I always felt that we had a good balance between those two types of socialization. However, one of the unexpected benefits that we experienced with WLM is that we spend more quality time together and are much more open in our communication with each other. Instead of sitting on the couch watching TV, he is often giving me massages, serving as my footstool, or doing other things to serve and pamper me. Our intimacy is much deeper then it ever was prior to WLM. When were together there is a playfulness and connection between us, versus us just sitting in the room together doing our own thing. The connection is hard to describe but it is definitely something that developed as a result of my control over him and his submission to me.

Because we've always had a good balance with how we spend time with friends, when we transitioned to WLM there was not a need for me to significantly alter his social life. However, I exerted control over it because that is my right and duty as his Goddess wife. What changed with WLM is that he is required to ask for my permission anytime he wants to do things with his friends. He plays sports and has weekly games and he must ask permission every week to participate. He knows that if he does not keep up with his chores or that I am not pleased with him for any reason that I will probably not grant him permission. Usually it is not a surprise to him when I say no. There have been a few instances over the years where I have punished him by forbidding him to participate in sports for several weeks. That has been a very effective punishment. He becomes highly motivated to please me in any way I want in order to get his privilege back. 

He also knows and accepts that my priorities and his chores and responsibilities take priority over his time with friends. He will often turn down activities with his friends because he knows it would interfere with his obligations to me. His self-discipline in this area is a direct result of the WLM lifestyle and I believe is one of the distinguishing difference from a traditional marriage. As I noted previously, we had a good balance prior to WLM, but post-WLM, his obligation to please me always takes priority over his social life. The balance is still good but better swayed in my favor :) and he is happy with that. There are times where he will ask for special permission to participate in an activity that will delay his ability to do chores or tasks. If he is in good standing with me I will usually grant an exception but he knows to make these requests sparingly.

Thomas also asks for my approval when planning activities for us to do together with our mutual friends. Over time our closest friends have picked up on this and so now they usually just coordinate with me instead of him. I find it humorous that even one of his closest male friends will text me when making plans for his wife and I to go out with us. In recent years, it's gotten to the point where I just tell Thomas what we are doing and he accepts it without question. I get a laugh when his friend talks to him about the plans for the night and Thomas has no idea that we made plans. On the other hand, when it comes to planning an activity for just the two of us or vacations, I enjoy having Thomas plan it. He is great at finding fun things to do and finding good deals on hotels and airfare. I allow him to come up with activities to do but before he books anything, he needs to run it by me for approval.

Similar to Joan, I do not put many restrictions on what my husband can do with friends. He has a few weekends where he goes away with the guys for camping, fishing, or football. It is healthy for him to have this social life and I enjoy the time to myself as well. 

The flexibility that I allow may not be best for all relationships. I can be flexible because my husband has good judgement in what he chooses to do and he has a good group of friends. However, as many of you know or may be experiencing, there are a lot of guys that are not so good with their judgement. Sometimes a wife may need to exert stricter control over his social life because he is spending too much time out with friends. This can be done by simply forbidding activities or a more subtle way is to schedule days and times where he is expected to be home. Another approach is to pre-plan activities for the two of you so that he does not have the opportunity to accept invitations from friends.

 I also think there are times where wife may need to forbid her husband from being with certain individuals or work toward him transitioning away from the friendship. I've always preached to my kids to choose their friends wisely, because the people you hang with are the ones who shape who you are. The same is true for adults. If you are spending time with individuals who have bad habits or get into trouble often, then it is likely that some of that is going to rub off on you. If the husband has bad friends, then the wife needs to redirect him away from those friends. It is not an easy or comfortable thing to do, but it is better in the long run. The nice thing with WLM, is that the wife has the proper authority and influence to make it happen.

I do not agree with the idea of eliminating his social life all together. To forbid him from having any friends is not healthy. For long-term mental health it is important to have friends and an active social life. In the WLM, his social life should be encouraged and supported but with approval and influence by the wife. Depending on your situation, stricter control may be needed but the end goal is that overtime the husband is trained and conditioned to put time with his wife and her needs in desires as a higher priority than his social life.

Please share your thoughts and experiences on this topic.

-Mz Kaylee

  

Female Perspective

 I am enjoying the increased participation from the Female readers of this blog. It is nice for me to hear what other females are experiencing in their WLMs, how they feel about different topics, and to know that I am not alone in what I am experiencing or thinking. I've already picked up a few good ideas from the comments over the last few weeks.  

Thank you for those who have participated through comments or guest posts!! I hope more females will comment and share their experiences or ask questions/ask for advice. This is a great forum to learn and understand the WLM and femdom lifestyles.

-Mz Kaylee