Fun With Orgasm Control-Intense Teasing and Denial

In my last post I discussed common strategies for orgasm control and how orgasm control is a powerful tool in a WLM/FLR. Orgasm control was the very first thing I did with my husband. It was my introduction into WLM and Female Control. It was all at his request, so everything was brand new to me at the time. When he first explained to me that I could decide when he could orgasm and that I could make him pleasure me without him having an orgasm, I thought it was strange but it sounded like fun so I decided to give it a try. Those first few weeks were the most sex filled weeks that I ever experienced. There were lots of orgasms for me and very few for him. I was having a blast teasing and denying him and he was loving it to. I actually had to put the brakes on the fun because I could not continue at that pace. It was physically exhausting for me and if that's all we did, we would never get anything done! 

In the beginning, it was all fun and fantasy for me. Thomas had told me that I could use orgasm control as a method to get him to do things for me but I really had no clue of the power that I held by controlling his orgasms. We were married at the time but not in a WLM. There was no control or authority exerted by me outside of the bedroom. However, in the bedroom he always had to ask for permission to orgasm. Over time I discovered the power of orgasm control and how to use it as a tool for control. My actions with orgasm control became more purposeful and less about the fantasy. It was still enjoyable but there was less emphasis on the fun part as it became a normal part of day-to-day life. That is a logical progression for couples who stick with orgasm control. However, I do still like to have a little fun with orgasm control on a frequent basis. In fact, it is a lot of fun for both of us when I take advantage of my power to control his orgasm and exert a little extra teasing, denial, and control. In this post I will share thoughts on the fun of intense teasing and denial.

I have to say that the better I got at teasing my husband and keeping him on the edge of orgasm, the more fun it became for me. It is exciting for me to see him in a highly aroused state and desperate for an orgasm. Seeing him struggling to hold back and knowing that I can easily push him over the edge is thrilling. One of my favorite things to do is bring him to the edge over and over again. Sometimes I will just let him rest for a minute before I start teasing again and sometimes I will make him pleasure me in between teasing. I've become skilled with knowing how different strokes and different pressure affects his arousal. Long firm strokes will bring him to an orgasm quickly. Soft light strokes will drive him crazy without bringing him to orgasm. I can keep him riding the edge of orgasm with just one finger. If he is close to orgasm, lightly playing with his balls allows me to continue teasing him while also allowing him to calm down just enough to get off the edge. Then I go back to stroking his cock without missing a beat. There are many other in-between strokes that I have fun with. 

It's fun to tell him 'no' when he begs for orgasm and there are so many ways to do it. My tone of voice may be authoritative, playful, or dismissive- as if the idea of him asking for an orgasm was silly. I may say 'no slave' and then give him one or two more strokes and watch him fight to hold back the orgasm. I might tell him 'no' and that there will ne no orgasm for him today. Will he still beg for an orgasm when I bring him to the edge again, even though I've told there will be none or will he beg me to stop stroking him so that he does not have an orgasm without my permission? When he is in his mindless state I like to tell him how weak he is, how he is helpless under my control and will do anything for me.  Do you think that I am brainwashing him by planting those thoughts into his scattered mind?

When I am focused on teasing him, I enjoy mixing it up by sometimes bringing him to the edge quickly and stopping at the point he begs for orgasm and sometimes bringing him there slowly and keeping him at the point where he is riding the edge of orgasm for several minutes. I have discovered that when he is close to orgasm, just holding my hand around his cock and lightly squeezing every 10 or 20 seconds will keep him on the edge, struggling not to cum. This blows his mind as every second he is processing whether or not the next stroke or squeeze will take him over the edge. Thomas has told me that when he is on edge, even just the feel of my hand firmly wrapped around his cock and not moving is an intense tease for him. Just the slightest thrust of his cock will send him over the edge. He has to fight his body's natural instinct to thrust into the warm tightness around his cock. It takes a tremendous amount of will power for him to hold back. It is exciting for me to watch him struggle not to move and not to cum. 

When he has been teased to the edge, in his weakened state he must decide whether to ride the pleasure for one more stroke or beg for permission to cum or beg me to stop so that he does not cum. After just a few minutes of teasing like this, he is mindless. All the worries of the world have melted away and he is intensely focused on me and the pleasure running though him. His only thought is 'can I last another second longer?' After about 10 minutes of this, he is in subspace, drowning in his own pleasure, unable to think on his own and completely at my mercy. That ladies, is why men who discover teasing and denial, love it and become addicted to it!  The tease becomes more exciting than the orgasm.

There are several options for me when he has reached that subspace state of mind. Most times, the teasing gets me all worked up to so I order him to pleasure me. When he is in this highly aroused state he is always full of energy and eager to pleasure me so it's a fantastic experience for me. He never calms down either, so after my orgasm he is desperate for an orgasm and does not want the fun to stop.  I may tease him a bit more and not give in to his pleas for an orgasm.

Another option I choose after an intense teasing session is to end the session and tell him to pull himself together. It of course will take him a long time to calm down and his mind will be mush the rest of the night. Usually after an intense teasing sessions, he will wake up a few times during the night, aroused and fully erect. The effect of the teasing carries into the next day or two. He is like a good little puppy for me and very thankful for the teasing. It's also fun because in those next few days, he is easily aroused. A slight touch from me, simple command, or even taking an authoritative tone will make his cock hard. I enjoy toying with him by making him hard (sometimes without even touching him) and then walking away. Sometimes I will do a 10- 15 minute tease session several days in a row just for fun. I will often do this prior to a "training day" in order to get him in the right frame of mind for training.

Then there is the option of having more fun with him through domination. When your guy's mind is all mush from intense teasing, it is so much fun to order him around or even try some kinky things with him. It's quite amusing how guys can not think straight when their mind is fried from arousal. I can just spout off orders and he obeys without thought. I may make him kneel and kiss my feet, lick my shoes, or lick my ass. He obeys without question and without thought. I may put him in a collar and leash and walk him around the house.  It's also fun to make him promise things to you when he is in this state, because he will agree to just about anything.  "I promise to always treat you like a Goddess," "I promise to start doing the laundry for you," "I promise to buy you jewelry,"  ahh...so much fun! When he is in subspace, suddenly the idea of him slipping on a teddy or eating his own cum is arousing to him. I can get him to do just about anything. The truth is that I can get him to do these things anyway because I am the boss and he is a submissive slut, but it's fun to get him to agree to these things when he is in a weakened state. It's also a thrill for him to know that he is being manipulated by me but yet he can not resist my feminine power over him. Many submissive guys crave to be manipulated like that.

There is always the option of letting him cum during an intense teasing session. Not! Just kidding. On a rare occasion I may give him permission to cum. The surprised look on his face immediately followed by an intense orgasm explosion is an enjoyable sight for me. There is still no thought from him; just an immediate reaction by his body to orgasm upon permission. I love that control!

I will share more fun ideas in the next post....

-Mz Kaylee

Guest Post: A Fun Short Essay (By Frank)

Below is a nice light hearted essay from on serving women, written by Frank.  Enjoy!  -Mz Kaylee

As you may know I have never had the pleasure of being a lady's live-in servant/boyfriend. But I have had the honor of serving two ladies (consecutively) as their regular domestic. As we speak, I have just completed my first trial run as a servant for a lady I recently acquainted on FL. She would be “my” third Boss Lady.

I can't tell you how much I missed it.

The joy of being out of the house again. The privilege, and fortune, that I have had to always serve houses nicer and bigger than mine. So refreshing. The joy of wiping bathroom tiles knowing things get real clean for her. Of course, I take precautions and wear a mask when in her home, and we make sure that she is not too close. She mostly stays in her study and I sometimes hear her on zoom calls (she works remote). It's fantastic to play such a supporting role to an assertive woman, as the silent help in the background.

She made sure to have me do much work outside, to further reduce the risk of infection. To be specific, it means washing and vacuuming her car and cleaning the terrace. I take great pride in reaching and cleaning those spots that I know a regular cleaner would perhaps not do.

I really hope that I succeed and that we can go on.

My potential new Mistress (or Lady) is beginning / mid fifties, me mid fourties, and I find this difference in age usually works well.

Strangely, perhaps, it's all so adventurous. Almost like a vacation. Or a new job.

The odors of a new house. The ways of a new Lady of the house. The particularities of new cleaning products. Drapes, carpets and floors – all to be cleaned in their own way. Every home has its own layouts and own particulars. It's always interesting! The humbling and at the same time glory-filled entry into a house that only allows you there as a domestic. The buffing of the tiles and floors – it is fun to clean, you see results so fast! The secret comradery, for lack of a better word, between a Lady and her domestic – our special and discrete understanding of our respective roles, the strange combination of mutual respect and at the same time the clear understanding of hierarchy.

Of course I know the honeymoon phase will eventually wear off. Sometimes to clean is just drudgery. If it were not, us submissive gentlemen would not be so needed and, in our way, valuable.

My potential new Lady is a casual user of my domestic services. She has, like any sensible Mistress, ruled such a thing out. And that's fine with me, in fact, it's how it should be. Pure service.

So here we go. Am I overly dramatic that a new house to serve, a new Lady to please, is like discovering a new continent? Adventures await men all across the western world. After vaccines will drive away the virus, we will drive away the dust, grime and dirt from so many Ladies' homes. Ladies we may not even know yet. There are opportunities all over. This is a golden age, young, or not so young, man, and the new frontier is not somewhere west – it is in your heart, where the desire for submission should be molded in practical service for a lady. And it is somewhere in your neighborhood and town, where a bossy – or not yet bossy – Karen needs someone to polish her commodes, serve her a nice meal, get the trash out, and for you to get cracking with the laundry. There is tremendous potential in our civilization for great things to happen, and all we mop wielding knights need to do is to go get it and mop up our inner resistance and get to actual serving.

So to all my fellow progressive gentlemen, get out there and be bold. There are new households to get to know and serve, new Lady Bosses to please. Get out there and find that the Universe is bigger and more wonderful than you could ever guess. As Karen's cur, you'll clean a home you never knew existed, serve meals you never thought you could pull off, polish a shower room so obsessively that you can see your face in it, experience the sacred joy of lifting her beauty products gently so you can wipe the surface they stand on, hoover away on such a great varieties of carpets and hallways and win great battles against mold and dust. Get bossed around by Ladies that never knew *you* existed. Life is too big and wild to not serve and see the world behind the door of a Karen!

-Frank

Orgasm Control Strategies

I know I am not alone in the opinion that orgasm control (when the wife/gf determines when and how the husband/bf orgasms) is a critical part of a Wife Led Marriage (WLM) or Female Led Relationship (FLR). Orgasm Control is a powerful tool in establishing the woman's authority in the relationship and in making her central in the husband's/bf's world. 

There are several common strategies for orgasm control that I've come across:

Fixed Schedule For Orgasms

In this strategy the wife/gf puts the guy on a regular schedule for orgasms such as every Saturday, once a month etc. A variation is that after each orgasm the wife establishes a specific date for the next orgasm. As long as the guy is good, he gets his recurring orgasm. In the time in-between, the guy knows that he must refrain from orgasm and must not ask or beg for permission to orgasm. 

This strategy works good for individuals who don't like the unknown, who like routine, or who need concrete goals and direction to be productive. The advantage with this approach is that the guy has a clear goal that he is working towards. He knows if he performs well, he will get his orgasm on the agreed upon day and that if he does not perform well he may lose out on the orgasm or have it delayed or ruined. This can be a good way to keep a guy consistently motivated. Another advantage is that during sex or foreplay, the guy can completely focus on pleasuring his wife since he knows there will be no orgasm for him. For the wife/gf, the orgasm day becomes a powerful domination tool. During the days in between she can remind him that his orgasm day is not guaranteed if he does not meet expectations. In addition, she can add extra tasks to be done prior to the orgasm day. This is a great way to get the "honey do" list done quickly. Of course, she can also have fun by teasing him unmercifully, knowing that he is not allowed to orgasm or she can build his excitement up as his orgasm day gets closer, or make a big exciting production for him when he is allowed to orgasm.

Random Permission 

This is the strategy that I use. In this approach, the wife determines when the husband can orgasm but does not give advance notice to the husband. He is left guessing and needs to ask for permission to orgasm if he feels an orgasm coming on. Usually it is not until the last second that the wife grants permission or denies him. He can go days, weeks, or even months without orgasm.

An advantage with this approach is that it keeps the husband on his toes as he never knows what to expect. I think it adds a lot of excitement and spice to the relationship because there can be lots of teasing with no orgasm. I love bringing my husband to the edge over and over again, hearing him beg for orgasm, not knowing if I will give him permission. 

The random approach lessens the connection between good behavior and orgasm so the orgasm does not become as much of a motivator. However, it has very different effect on the male psyche. It keeps him highly focused on pleasing and obeying his wife because she controls his pleasure and orgasm. Since men are constant pleasure seekers, she becomes his focus. This approach also allows the wife to experiment with different lengths of denial and push his limits. For many guys, the longer they are denied (up-to a certain point) the more agreeable and easily controlled they become. This makes for a powerful tool for the wife to push his limits and bring him deeper into submission to her.   

Earned Orgasms 

The husband must earn his orgasm through good behavior or by completing tasks. Determination of this could be left up to the wife or be based on a point system or she spells out specific tasks that need to be done in order to earn his orgasm. In this approach the orgasm becomes a significant motivator to get the guy to do something. This approach may be good for younger guys who have high sex driver and need frequent orgasms or guys who are new to orgasm denial and have not built up the ability to be denied an orgasm for over a week. This is also an effective method for the woman to quickly establish her control and authority over a guy. The mental connection of having to please and obey her in order to achieve an orgasm, keeps his focus on her 24/7. She can also easily exert her power and authority over him by requiring him to do something humiliating or extremely submissive in order to earn his orgasm. His obedience in this situation is proof of her real power over him, which is exciting for both the submissive and the dominant.

Those seem to be the most common strategies used for orgasm control and denial. There are many variations of each and there's no hard rule that you have to stick with just one strategy. Switching strategies every now and then can be fun and keep orgasm control interesting for both of you.

Short-tern vs. Long-term Denial

All of the strategies above can be used for both short-term and long-term denial.  If you are just starting to incorporate orgasm denial into your relationship, than long-term denial is probably not an option. Guys are naturally wired to want to have orgasms frequently and to not hold back when an orgasm begins to build up. It usually takes some conditioning and training for a guy to build up the tolerance to be denied an orgasm over a long period of time. Age and libido are factors that affect how long he can last with denial. Younger guys with a high libido may struggle with longer-term denial or may become unpleasant or unhappy with it. If that happens, then orgasm denial becomes counter-productive. It is important for the wife/gf to monitor the effects of denial on his mood and demeanor and adjust the timing as needed to ensure denial is working in your favor and not against you. Lastly, the wife's desires also play into the decision of short-term and long-term denial. Do not forgot that the broader concept is orgasm control, which, includes both denial and giving permission to orgasm. There are advantages to using longer-term denial, which I will explain below, but the frequency of orgasms is second in importance to the woman's authority in deciding when he is allowed to orgasm. A women can still practice orgasm control and have sex with her husband/bf frequently if she enjoys PIV sex. In this scenario, she still gives permission for when to orgasm. This can be done in the heat of the moment, requiring him to ask for permission when he feels an orgasm rising, or she can count-him down to an orgasm (5-4-3-2-1), or she can command him to cum when she is ready, or she can give him permission before the sex begins. By her controlling when he orgasms every time it gives her complete authority over his sex life and when she controls his sex life, she becomes his center of focus.

For those who want to experiment with the longer-term denial, it can be achieved by slowly increasing the duration between orgasms in order to train him to last longer. For many guys, after they've been exposed to denial for awhile, it becomes a fun game for them and they are often up for the challenge of trying to go longer. It almost becomes a badge of honor for them to last a longer. A guy can also build up his tolerance to hold back orgasm by exercising his PC muscle. This is the muscle guys use to make their cock move or twitch. All they need to do is squeeze it to exercise it. Order your guy to do 100 squeezes a day to build up his tolerance, or guys just start doing it now so that you can impress your wife/gf. 

The advantage of long-term denial is that it keeps guys horny and easily aroused. This makes it easy for the woman to control him. A horny guy is putty in the hands of a dominant woman :).  For guys that are newer to  long-term denial, the longer they are denied, the more mush their brain becomes and logic and common sense go out the window when they are dominated. This puts them in a state where they are easily seduced into doing things for the woman. When you hear the words "I'll do anything." you know he's ripe for domination. It is a good time to try new things and push his boundaries. For example, a guy who is hesitant to try strap-on sex, after a few weeks of denial and regular teasing, he will likely be willing to give the strap-on sex a try. Even better, is if the wife begins to suggest or talk-about the strap-on sex each time she teases him. This process begins to associate pleasure with the idea of strap-on sex and he will begin to fantasize about it. By the time the woman decides to introduce him to her strap-on, he we likely be excited about it and wanting to try it.  For the guy, being in this horny state is pleasurable and fun. In fact, it adds a little excitement to mundane tasks. Chores become a little fun or at least more tolerable when horny. My husband is always telling me how much he enjoys that I keep in a perpetually aroused state.

I've highlighted a few of the common and effective orgasm control strategies. If you have other strategies please feel free to share.  My sense is that most couples settle into one strategy and stick with it and it becomes an integral part of their relationship and lifestyle. However, as noted earlier in the post, that is not a hard and fast rule. Switching things up every now and then can be fun.

I believe orgasm control should used in every WLM/FLR. It is a very powerful tool for the woman so there is a real purpose for it. It can also bring a lot of fun and spice to the relationship. In my next post I will share some fun ideas to incorporate with orgasm control.

-Mz Kaylee

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My New Foot Stool

Recently I joked with Thomas that I was going to use him as a foot stool. I don't remember how it came up in conversation or why that thought popped into my head but I said it. He replied back, "Well you know I would love it."  I could tell he was half-joking and half hoping I was serious. I always thought the idea was silly but the last post that I wrote about trying something new, was fresh in my mind so I decided to give it a try. I think I surprised him when I replied, "We will see about that. The next time we get the house to ourselves, be prepared to be my footstool."

I like to give him advance notice on things every now and then because I know it drives him wild. I knew his mind would fill with fantasies about me using him as footstool up until the day it happens. It is like he is self-teasing himself so it keeps his perverted little mind occupied for days with little effort from me and then when I am ready to use him, he is all horned up and weak for me. True to my word, the first night that the kids would be out of the house for hours, I laid out silky pink panties on the bed for my foot stool to wear, grabbed my kindle for reading, and waited for him in the living room.

He stood be for me in nothing but the panties while I was fully dressed in my normal 'street clothes.' His cock was already hard. I love that the anticipation is enough to get him fully aroused. I probably could have brought him to an orgasm right there in less than a minute. Instead I ordered him on the floor. He got down on his hands and elbows and kept his back as flat as he could. I sat back, placed my feet on his back and began to read. He remained still and quiet while I read, without me having to tell him to do so. I made sure to adjust my feet every now and then as a reminder to him of my presence.

After about five minutes, I asked if he was ok. He replied, "Yes Goddess." I reached down and stroked his cock through the panties. He had softened a bit and it only took a few seconds to him back to a raging hard-on. Then I resumed my reading. I could tell it was uncomfortable for him but he did not complain. It is fascinating to me that guys will not only suffer to please and obey a woman, but they will get aroused and excited by it. There is not physical pleasure from being a foot stool. Remaining still while supporting my feet on elbows and knees it uncomfortable and not the easiest to endure.  However, there is a mental pleasure that occurs. Being beneath my feet is symbolic of his place in our marriage. Being used like an object, creates strong feelings of submission. I've heard from other people that being reduced to something so simple and basic where you don't have to think at all but just serve and obey when commanded can be relaxing and a stress reliever.

My observation is that my experienced tremendous pleasure and submission from being my footstool but it mostly occurred before and afterwards. The anticipation and knowing that I was going to dominate him in that way was exciting for him. Afterward, knowing that I actually exerted my authority and dominance over him and made him be my footstool, not only thrilled him but made him feel even more like a slave and even more beneath me than he felt before. 

I enjoyed it too. I did not seem silly at all to me in the moment. I enjoyed reading while he remained silent and supporting my feet. I have to admit, that I felt Goddess-like or Queen-like, having him be my footstool and I felt ownership over him. I enjoyed having that power. I enjoyed it so much that I informed him that it was going to be a regular thing going forward. At least once a week, I am going to try and find time to use him as my foot stool while I read. Doing this on a regular basis will make it even clearer that my domination over him and his submission to me, is real and that he truly is beneath me in our marriage and exists to serve and obey me.

See - I do practice what I preach in my posts! I tried something new and was glad I did. I know many of the guy readers share my posts with their wives. To the wonderful Goddess women who are reading this post, the next time your husband brings you one of my posts to read, why not order him to kneel into a foot stool position and then you can kick back and relax with your feet on his back, while you read my post :) 

-Mz Kaylee 

Guest Post: How to Implement Chastity (by AJ)

 In AJ’s follow-up post on chastity (below) she provides advice on choosing a device. I am glad she chose this topic to write about because it is an area that I have no experience with and very little knowledge about. I read it wit great interest and took quite a few notes ☺️. It is wonderful to have others bring new information and advice to the blog.  If you currently wear a chastity device be sure to comment on what you wear and any additional advice.  -Mz Kaylee 

HOW TO IMPLEMENT CHASTITY by AJ

In my last post I wrote about the 'why' and the benefits of chastity as I have experienced them in my marriage. This post cover the topic of how to best implement chastity. Its not as easy as you might think, so that’s why I want to pass on our tidbits of knowledge gleamed over 25 years of marriage and more specifically within the past 6 years of heavy chastity play and wear by my husband. These are our pro and con observations of what type of devices are best suited for successful long term chastity wear. These are our first hand experiences and observations. Obviously yours may differ. Its been a lot of trial and error, frustration, and a substantial pile of cash over the years.

 1) Buying a lot of crappy devices in the long term equates to a considerable pile of cash spent. No one likes to make a poor investment. Devices with lots of moving and interconnecting parts such as the CB3000 series devices. Those are crap in our opinion (we’ve owned 3 different types of them over the years and finally gave up on them). Each one of those parts translates into rubbing and chaffing and other discomforts long term. Devices with hinged base rings - they all eventually pinch and are not comfortable. Devices without integrated locking systems. Those tiny external padlocks are sharp and jab in all the the wrong places. They are also bulky for daily wear and show through clothes. They also can be somewhat noisy. Devices which have those long urethral attachments and which impale the penis. Short term with a lot of frequent disinfecting, perhaps not a problem. Long term though your going to develop a urinary tract infection or nick something deep inside. Not fun to treat and not fun to explain how to the medical staff. Silicone devices - all I can say is just yuck.

2) Go big and go small. Start out by going big with the base ring that goes around his testicles. It takes quite while to build up his tolerance to the smaller size rings. Your shooting for long term wear (you indeed are!!! - that’s what brings in all of those wonderful benefits for the both of you) and the quickest way to defeat that is to have him wear a ring which starts digging into his testicles after a few hours of wear. When his balls are turning blue that a definite danger sign, get it off right away. We’ve made this mistake many, many times. Everyone keeps talking about measuring tapes, sizing and going as small as possible. Long term this is somewhat true, but you have to get there first. Do your husband and yourself a huge favor and get a comfortably sized larger ring for starting him off on his chastity journey. You don’t want it so big that its in danger of falling off his package while at Walmart, but error on the size of large for starting out. Make long term wear progress with that larger ring (at least 3 weeks of continuous wear) and then slowly go down in his size. This is the way to achieve long term wear. You’ll both grow discouraged from all of the pain related device failures he experiences with too small of a base ring is used. However, do go small with the chastity tube portion. This is very counter intuitive, and it took us quite a bit of trial and error to realize this. The smaller the tube, the more comfortable his long term wear will be. Why? You want to nick his erection in the bud so to speak. When his cock has the internal free room to engorge within the tube (tube sized to large) it builds mass (all of that blood is allowed to flow into those shaft veins which equates to weight). Along with the weight of the blood in the engorged areas of his cock, there is also the actual changes to the length and girth of his chastised cock as it tries to erect with the tube. Those physical increases equate to amplified pulling action on his sensitive testicles and scrotal sack. That pulling occurs on that too tight of a base ring plate I mentioned earlier. It’s a sure path to real discomfort and short term wear. By wearing a pretty tight tube, one that actually compresses lightly on the fully shriveled up deflated cock, there is zero room for him to grown. That means no size change and no weight gains. That means way less pulling on his base ring. After he wakes up and has waked you up for the umpteenth time due to the swelling pain, you'll understand this one. So go big and go small. Their is one caveat to this, use your head. If you go with too small of a tube, like really small, then your asking for medical issues as well. Too small of a tube and your going to get what I call the stinky twinky syndrome. The urine is unable to flow completely out of his penis when he pees and it gets trapped within all of the bends and compression's of his stuffed dick which is stuffed into that overly small tube. That pee just slowly escapes and dribbles out over the course of the day as gravity eventually forces it out. Yuck. But do go small just not ludicrous small :) 

3) When hes first starting out in chastity, check him often for issues. The blue balls, the chaffing, the rubbing raw of tender parts. All of those things equate to big discomfort and therefore short term wear. Initially check him every hour, then every couple of hours. Once he achieves success there, then switch to inspecting him every morning. If he's going to show issues that's when your going to catch it quickest. Those night time and early morning erections, when in an improperly sized device, will show themselves quickly. If he can't make it one night without serious discomfort or chaffing then you have the wrong device. Don’t waste time and experience the frustration, and just get another device. Once he sleeps through the night and his morning inspections are consistently good, you can slack off. Check him every couple of days and then every week. You’ll get the feel for what's adequate as his confidence and lack of pain increase over time. I no longer check my husband. We have built the confidence in the sizing of his device and his ability to accurately cry uncle when he needs to. Even with the best device and the best care, sometimes things will just click when they should have clacked and he will develop a tender spot. Deal with it quickly before it becomes a long term show stopper. That said he knows I don’t allow false positives. He’s a big boy in his device and I expect him to act like one. Crying wolf leads to severe punishment.

4) Cleanliness is next to godliness. See my stinky twinky syndrome comment. No one wants that. Shower it thoroughly every morning. A weekly soaking in the tub will do some deep cleaning of his device and his boy parts. You don’t want bacteria to breed and turn into nasty or odoriferous issues. Also In our experience, your going to want to keep your man shorn clean. Any hair down their tends to get snagged in chastity devices and that's painful. Hair also tends to absorb odors. The absence of hair also makes inspection and identifying trouble spots on his boy parts much easier. Finally, having him smooth like a baby in that area, I have found to be a large kink amplifier. The feminization aspect of being smooth and being required to shave and stay smooth down there works strongly to both of our kinks.

Given all of what I’ve stated above about the correct device, its sizing, wear, discomfort, trial and error, money spent and especially long term wear goals, what device do I recommend? Its a pretty easy answer for me at this point in the game. Start him out in plastic. These devices are cheapest and lightest. Cheapest is an important factor. No matter what, your going to go through some trial and error. Do it in plastic where its cheaper to have those experiences. Also there seems to be much more base ring sizing variety in plastic. Your going to want something which has several base rings sizes and your going to want to buy several starting with that larger starter ring. Then wean him down to a smaller ring as he progresses. Plastic is the way to go. And the device? The Holy Trainer. I recommend the Nub if he's average sized and a grower. If he's a bit more endowed or a shower then go with the Nano model. If he's too big for the Nano, I’m guessing your going to want to have that cock inside you on a regular basis and won’t be locking it up much. So chastity may be out for you (kidding). They actually have 5 devices in increasing size, you’ll find one for him unless he's built like a horse. Extremely comfortable device, made up of just two parts (discounting the internal locking device). Lesser parts means less chance of irritation. Built in lock means more comfort as well. Built in lock also means more stealth and aesthetics. He’s going to be subconscious about showing chastity bulges in public until he build his confidence up. This is a very low or no show device. Get the largest ring size as well as one or two of the smaller rings at the same time. The tube size is perfect to keep his penis from erecting. That means comfort. Don’t be surprised if your hubby is immediately able to last several nights of confinement straight with this device. I wish this device was around when we first started. His long term chastity wear would have been much longer than the 6 years we are presently at, and we would have had all of those extra years of enhanced and wonderful husband. Having said that, don’t immediately go out and buy the Holy Trainer Nub chastity device. Go out on Amazon or DHGate and get one of their cheap Chinese look alike devices first. There is a pretty large price differential between the legit HT device and the Chinese version. Do your fine tuning and trial and error in that knock off device first. When you have it dialed in there, then go out and buy the perfect and legit HT device. Why the real thing eventually? One you want to reward them for their hard work and good design. Second those knock off devices aren't as good. They have sharp edges were the base ring and the tube connect and they also use inferior plastic (our direct experience) so they retain odors more. Do the trial and error with them, but then reward your husband with the real McCoy, its worth it in our opinion. Our final plastic device at this point in time is the HT Nub and we love it for his long term wear and for its pleasing looks. He has a black and a white model and looks very cute and tiny in both.

So now the pink elephant in the room. How secure are chastity devices really? If you’re new to the chastity game this answer might surprise and irritate you. They are not very secure at all unless your husband get his dick pierced and incorporates that piercing into the locking of his device. In that case they are very secure. But otherwise, with not too much work and motivation and some slippery lube or shower soap, he's going to be able to fairly easily pull out from the back of these devices and escape his confinement. Its been possible with every device my husband has owned including the Nub. It doesn't matter how small diameter that base ring has been, he can do it if he wants to. And once he’s out with that same slippery soap or lube he’s able to stuff himself back inside and hide his unauthorized escape. Its also relatively easy to orgasm within a chastity device. Just apply a vibrator to the outside tube and have some patience, it will occur. So now your probably asking, why for the love of god bother with chastity at all if this is the case. What is it gaining you, and why does it work if its that easy to defeat. It took me a while to understand this myself, and I’ll agree with the consternation many of your are probably showing right now. This is my current and my husbands current and evolved answer to this question.

Our answer to this is that a man's chastity device is like his wedding ring but on a much more deeper and personal level. A wedding ring is a symbol of your love and respect and commitment to one another. But other than gaining some weight and developing a fat finger, there's nothing preventing you from pulling that ring off your finger and lying about your relational status. What keeps it on is respect and integrity to your relationship. In a way its a badge of honour. That’s how we view his chastity device. He wouldn't pull out on me because he respects my authority and loves me too much to cheat on me that way. And that’s 100% how I would view it. He would be cheating on me as surely as his having an affair with some office skank at his work. He knows I would be deeply disappointed and hurt by that action. That’s reason number one why it really works and he doesn't cheat on me.

Reason number two is going to be a bit more difficult for people to understand, unless they are involved in a serious and long term FLR relationship. He enjoys being locked up and cheating would ruin the entire dynamic of our relationship for him. The psychological element which makes an FLR relationship desirable to him in the first place, that being: control, levels of humiliation, servitude, holding me up as his dominant Goddess, and the entire sexual mojo cocktail which makes FLR so entrancing to men like my husband, that would be ruined as soon as he pulled out and cheated. It would ruin this entire mind fuck of a relationship that we both so heavily enjoy. He knows it and I know it. FLR and chastity has taken its own life in our long term relationship and neither of could stand to do without it at this point. So these two things make chastity work for us and negates the actual need for some sort of pierced locking to make things work. You will only come to realize this once you deep dive into an FLR relationship. Its stronger than any lock will ever be.

There is one final reason which may keep him being a good boy and not cheating on me. I have become so in tune with reading his body and emotions during prolonged chastity. He knows that I would immediately sense the bodily and behavioral changes he would experience if he had an unauthorized orgasm. This is 100% true. I know every drip from his cock, every emotional tear in his eye, every change in his sub attitude when he retains for me and when I give him an orgasm. Its a very easy read for me at this point when that switch gets temporarily flipped. He’s night and day different. On top of that he’s always been a horrible liar (he cant play poker worth a darn - he always tells his good and bad hands with his subconscious actions) So these three things then are what makes chastity really work for us. 

Having said all of the above and truly believing and knowing his security in the HT device is complete with or without a piercing, we have gone ahead and chosen to have him pierced. This was a couple of years ago. We have also updated his chastity device from the HT Nub to a Rigid Halfshell to take advantage of that situation. This is a custom made metal chastity device form Poland with an integrated PA locking mechanism. It’s dimensions are all made to our custom measured order. It was expensive but worth it to us. It’s very secure and also very comfortable for his long term wear. We love it. Why? Well quite simply we love the look, the feel and the heft of a metal device. Psychologically to both of us it seems so much more permanent and real. Physiologically it just one ups our entire chastity game to its highest possible level. Something about absolutely being 100% certain that he can’t  pull out and cheat on our relationship just makes us both super hot and horny. It just magnifies that feeling of total control for me and subservience for him. It really is just that simple. That’s the difference between using the HT Nub and the Rigid Halfshell device for us. Its all in our minds. We do occasionally go back to his wear of the HT Nub device. It’s still our go to favorite plastic device. Sometime you just want to change things up by switching between metal and plastic. Its a different look and feel. Sort of like wearing a different dress for a different occasion. As I mentioned earlier sometimes even the most perfect device will occasionally cause some sort of irritation to his delicate skin. In these cases we often find that simply switching temporarily to the other HT device will allow his sore or whatever it is to heal, while still remaining locked up. The HT still has its important place in our flr life. Again we would have never made the final migration to the Rigid device without having gone through that less expensive trial and error precision fitting that the cheapness of the HT device allowed us. So my take away here is the HT device is really fine and dandy. For strictly kink reasons we went to the Halfshell. 

Well that’s about it for me on this topic. I hope this proves helpful to some of you in understanding what chastity can do for your long term relationship. I really believe it has become a cornerstone tool in maintaining our relationship and developing it to new and better heights for us as a couple. Also, I hope I was able to shed some insight on selecting a better device for some of you and saving you some of that physical, emotional and pocket book pain associated with a prolonged trial and error process. Some times it pays to begin with a tried and true recipe first and then once you get some measure of success with that, then ad-lib and make it your own recipe.

 

AJ

 

Guest Submission: Chastity as a Relationship Tool; the ins and outs (By AJ)

 I was very excited to see a guest post in my inbox from AJ. AJ has submitted guest posts in the past and I always enjoy reading about her experiences in FLR and her female perspective on FLRs. She outdid herself with her latest post. It's is filled with lots of great advice and ideas for a leading a FLR/WLM.  Great to hear from you again AJ!  -Mz Kaylee

Chastity as a Relationship Tool; the ins and outs

An introduction to who I am….. I am a happily married woman who has been married now for about 25 years. For the past 6 years I have been living within an FLR structured relationship with my wonderful husband of those same 25 years. Within our current relationship, we are deeply engaged in the strict practice of male chastity and that is of the 24 x 7 long term chastity variety. My husband is typically allowed out of his device (discounting any urgent temporary medically related needs) only three times a year. So for basically 362 days of the year he lives in full time chastity. I allow him out three times a year, somewhat randomly, to keep his sexual drive alive for “conventional” sex. On one of those yearly occasions, I allow him to make love to me traditionally through PIV sex, and on one of the other remaining instances I will allow him to make love to me anally (my supreme gift to him on that one - actually I have come to enjoy it…). And on the third and final instance, I give him a full blown blow job to include allowing him to cum in my mouth and my also swallowing that said cum. Those are my three yearly special gifts to him - if he is good and behaves that is. Why just those 3 times?

First to not totally exclude those pleasurable activities from his life. I am not totally extinguishing his hope for occasionally partaking in those activities so pleasurable to him.

Secondly, by just allowing him those 3 specific instances, they become intensely special and therefore all the more pleasurable and rewarding to him and are ever so much ingrained upon his conscious and subconscious mind throughout the long dry spells. He lives with those 3 special days on his brain for the remainder of the year until the next wonderful gift is bestowed upon him from his queen.

Thirdly (an awkward sounding word) rationing these gifts out, they highlight my complete sexual control of his body and it clearly states who is in charge there and who is not. She who giveth can also take it completely away…. I allow him these three hallowed sexual flavors to make him absolutely aware of what he is giving up for me on those other 362 days of the year, and what adhering to chastity during those long 362 days can provide him as just reward if he continues to behave for me.

 Finally and absolutely most importantly, because rationing his orgasms enhances all of the other aspects of our FLR lifestyle, primarily those which live outside of the sexual arena. It serves to put him into that deep naturally occurring “subspace” which is essential for our FLR marriage to work and thrive. He is put into the right mindset to give selflessly to me every day of the year. He is also in the right mindset to see and receive all of the other gifts I present to him throughout the year. This is the dynamic which allows him to perform the vast majority of our household chores without rancor and with simple derived self pleasure. He likes doing the dishes for me, he likes doing the household laundry. He likes running my bath and massaging my feet. He does many things for the greater satisfaction of his wife and that provides him with a direct sexual and psychological kick. I am not saying this lightly or with jest. He actually is mentally happy to do these things for me and amazingly enough as well, he is frequently sexually stimulated by these acts. His penis frequently weeps with precum as he goes about his chores, I’ve seen this many a time now. It's like he becomes a perpetually simmering pot of hyper sensitized sexual energy within, and all of this energy is primarily directed towards me. This is also the dynamic which which allows my sexual pleasure to become his own pleasure. Almost every night he goes down upon me and almost every night I am guaranteed to get a minimum of one orgasm and even on some occasions two or even three. I’ve been able to train his tongue and lips like the oral stud he now is. While he is going down on me, he clearly is in his own special sexual nirvana. His tongue becomes his cock and he enjoys every stroke and every delightful flavor that I can offer. I could go on and on with these behavioral enhancements. I am 100% convinced that these nuances are all derived from his retaining for me. I know what I had before chastity and I definitely know what I have after prolonged chastity.

You might read all of the above and think “the poor guy”, so little in it actually for him. That I am just taking without giving. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. By his own verbalized admissions and by his own demonstrated behavior he loves our lifestyle and thrives upon it. Sexually its not a one way street just for my pleasure. You cannot just lock a man and forget it and expect everything which I mentioned above to work and come to fruition. As his wife I have responsibilities to keep the FLR dynamic and passion working and fruitful for him. But I’m here to tell you that what I need to provide him daily to do that is so incredibly easy for me. Because of what he does for me daily and so selflessly and from his heart, I am therefore more than happy and excited to provide him also with what he needs. Its so incredibly easy and simple to maintain his FLR passion. A few minutes a day on my part fuels him for an entire day of devotion. Praise his acts of devotion, "good boy," "good girl," or "you sexy man" (or whatever endearment that works to get into his head that day). "You did such a good job of folding my panties, I’m so proud of you" and pat his crotch with affection. As he is bent over the sink doing the dishes, come up behind him and rub his crotch or rub his ass suggestively. When you notice his cock weeping with precum, take notice of it. Wipe it with your finger and lick it, or have him lick it off. "Good Boy." Take his clothes from him and have him walk around the house naked for your pleasure. Make him wear a pair of your dirty panties on another day. "Your such a wonderful pussy licker." "I love when you eat my ass out." Be vocal and dirty when he’s driving you crazy with his tongue. 

Let him know he's doing a good job, encourage him. Be in command and direct his tongue to best stimulate you. Men of this mindset get in the zone by being commanded and directed. In the morning or evening before bed, cup his naked balls in your hand and take a minute to apply body lotion to them in a sexual manner, "good boy, your balls feel so heavy." Smile knowingly at him. Cop a feel of his caged package quickly and secretively while in public places. "You did a really nice job raking out the lawn," and pat his ass briefly through his pants. All extremely very low energy easy stuff and it takes literally less than 5 minutes a day to refuel his tank this way. You get the idea here. Invest 5 minutes and get a day in return, pretty good trade off I would say. 

On top of all of this indirect sexual innuendo which I lavish on him daily, I also occasionally provide him with other more direct methods of sexual fulfillment. We have come to enjoy pegging in our relationship. Its an exchange of power and very physical and enjoyable for him (and me). He is loathe to admit that he does enjoy it, but we both know that he does. That’s part of the FLR aspect of it for the both of us. I enjoy taking his ass possessively and that fact that I don’t necessarily wait for his agreement to do so (figuratively speaking) enhances the act for us both. I am the dominant and he is the submissive. I am not raping him, he just struggles with what he views as the traditionally gay aspect of this act, and I push pass those barriers to which he tries to put in place as I peg him as needed and upon my random discretion. Very frequently now, I am able to milk his prostate with our pegging sessions, and he oozes quite the puddle of cum for me from these sessions. I further kink up this activity by insisting that he eat his own cum when this happens (in fact any time when he cums he must eat it up). It really messes with his mind in a overall positive manner when this occurs. I also have come to really enjoy this act. It has been an evolution process for us both. I really relish the feeling of control and dominance over him and it makes me very wet to see how he ultimately responds to it. 

Finally, he has also managed to have several totally hands free orgasms over the years. They are rare but they do occasionally occur. By hands free I mean nothing up the butt, no touching or contact of any sort. For us this seems to occur very sporadically when he has been retaining for a long period of time, when he is particularly mentally over stimulated and when he is engaged in orally pleasuring me. When all of these psychological stars align in his mushy brain, sometimes that results in him experiencing a slow draining of his prostate, very much like a milking but without the direct stimulation of his prostate. Extremely hot for me to observe this when it has occurred. For me this is like getting the academy award for doing everything right in our FLR relationship. Its an affirmation that we are doing something very right for how we have mutually defined our relationship. So really he does orgasm more than those 3 times a year. Its just that I limit the more conventional methods and orgasms to 3 times a year and the other times are just more like ruined orgasms.

I guess there is also one other additional benefit or change that has resulted directly from our long term chastity play and how it has shaped our FLR relationship and our sexual DNA. As a woman, I was always more in touch with the emotional and romantic aspects of relationships. Sex was just a nice by product for me but I really longed for the romantic aspects of a relationship and sex was definitely secondary for me. Men as I think we all know, are very physical in nature typically. The touch and feel and romance is not a natural condition for them. They quite frankly are all typically about sticking it in a hole and cumming. As our marriage has evolved from following the straight and narrow vanilla marriage to this definitely kinky FLR marriage, both of these stereotypical definitions of what a man needs and what a woman needs, have shifted from these somewhat opposing bookends to a meeting point which is more closely at the center. While I still greatly enjoy romance (and get it in spades from him) I have also achieved a much more sexually physical self. Basically I have come to really enjoy the physical and psychological nature of having sex, much like a man traditionally experiences. For his part, particularly when he has not ejaculated for a significant period of time and has not been provided with that hormonal release, he has definitely become more emotionally sensitive and emotionally needy as well. So he has developed some of the attributes that we would typically define for a woman, the need for touch and feel and dare I say, some romance. So I think it definitely has brought us together this special way as a couple. Pretty cool I would say.

This was the why and the benefits of chastity as I have experienced them in my marriage. I will write another post on the how to best implement chastity. Stat tuned.....

-AJ

Try Something New

I find that submissive men in a marriage are like hi IQ kids in a classroom. Before you get too excited guys, I am not saying that you are super smart. What I am referring to is that intelligent kids get bored in the traditional classroom. They need to be held to a higher standard and be given constant challenge in order to stay engaged in learning. I find that my husband is the same way with submission. When I keep his environment structured and challenging, his submission is high and he is happier while also being more productive for me. If I leave my foot off the "dominant" pedal for too long, then it has the opposite effect. He starts to be disengaged and not as happy.

So how does one keep the submissive constantly challenged? I do it by instituting changes in rules and expectations throughout the year as well as trying new things. The changes are often small but every so often I throw in a big change to really spice things up and deepen his submission to me. Smaller changes are easy to implement and due to the psychology of submission, can have a big impact on the submissive. New rules are a good example. When I added the rule that my husband was not permitted to sit at the head of the dining room table it had a lasting submissive impact on him. In the moment the rule was established he felt a part of his authority diminished and that excited him. Eventually it just becomes a part of normal life for him but in the weeks after the rule was established, he felt the submissive twang in him every time he sat at the table. Small changes like that every few months keep his submission fresh.

Some of the bigger changes that I have made in past include: requiring him to wear panties 24/7, establishing a weekly review routine and ritual, and putting him on a spending allowance. I see these bigger changes as things that significantly impact his and/or my daily or weekly routine. The changes tend to make big strides in propelling the WLM/FLR forward. Taking control of his orgasms is another big change, but it seems that for most couples, that is one of the first things done in establishing the dom/sub dynamic. I would imagine that for many people, the bigger changes occur as the relationship reaches a new level of maturity. I think it is beneficial for women in WLMs to proactively institute big changes every few years. These types of changes challenge and significantly stimulate the submissive mind and also increase the authority and power of the wife.

I also incorporate fun one-time events to keep his submission strong. I may indulge in one of his fetishes or fantasies one night or just spend a weekend being super strict and demanding with him. The "Boot Camp" that I wrote about previously is another example of a one-time event that keeps his submission strong. Each year I also plan a few weekends away with just the two of us and they often turn into fun weekends where I press his submissive hot buttons. When we are away, I tend to let loose on my inhibitions. The one-time events are fun for both of us and many times result in deep intimacy that brings us closer together as a couple. Many people have shared with me that they experience this same feeling of deep intimacy and closeness after an intense domination/submission experience. It truly is remarkable and something that can not be understood until you experience it yourself.

The one-time events have a very positive impact on the relationship. Not only do they keep things fun, but it deepens his submission and help build the confidence and dominance of the wife. I've noticed that my husband's submission is very high for days or even weeks afterward and he is very appreciative that I've indulged in his fantasy.  This creates loyalty in him and a strong desire to want to please me. For, me the events have been great confidence builders. When I role play or try new things, I step outside of my normal role knowing that it is just fantasy. Sometimes it felt weird or uncomfortable at first but as I immersed in the fantasy and saw the positive reactions from my husband (or felt the unexpected arousal within me), it turned fun and exciting. For example, the first time I ever spanked my husband, it felt very weird when we started but by the end I got so excited I actually had an orgasm while spanking him. The more you role play and try new fantasies or kinks, the less weird it becomes and for women, and this can dramatically increase their comfort level with being dominant. Quite often the the things I do in the fantasy sessions end up being things that I later incorporate into our normal routine. Having Thomas wear panties started out as just fantasy fun every now and then, and here we are years later and he wears them 24/7. The last point I want to make regarding one-time events is that for women new to domination, doing fantasy domination one night a month can be a great and fun way to dip your toe into the lifestyle and build your confidence. Eventually that one night can turn into a whole weekend and then a whole week, and before you know it your doing it every day.  

So I challenge the women readers of this blog to try something new in 2021. Step out of your comfort zone and do something different with your husband. Think of it as a Christmas present for him. He will love it! I think most times you will find an unexpected excitement when you do this but it's ok if it doesn't turn out the way you planned or if in the end you didn't like it.  Part of the fun is experimenting and seeing what works.  Below are a few ideas. If categorized them as small, big, and one-time but many of the ideas are interchangeable among categories depending on how you implement them.  For example some of the one-time events could turn into regular events that lead to a big change or some of the bigger changes could be done just as a one-time event. Also, there is no rule that says that once you implement a change you have to keep it. If after a few weeks or months, you are bored with the change, than stop doing it and give something else a try. There are many things over the years that I've done for a period of time and then replaced it with something else.  Enjoy and please report back on how it goes!

Small Changes

• Add a new weekly chore - spend time training him on it and reviewing his performance
• Add new/more strict expectations to an existing chore. Examples: add deadlines, chairs around table must be aligned perfectly, towels must be folded perfectly, etc.
• Evolve or changeup an existing routine, rule, or expectation
• if he wears panties, buy different styles so they feel different on him, add stockings, or make him wear a sexy garter around his thigh on special occasions; if you treat him like a pet, but him a tail or dog tag with his name engraved on it.
• Make him wear a special outfit during routine/chore such as a collar or maid's outfit or make him do it naked
• Turn regular foot massages into foot worship by making him kiss your feet before and after he massages them; make him say a mantra before massaging you.
• Add new rules such as: he must ask for permission to use remote, can only sit in one chair in the living room, must kneel when asking for something, or must sit when going to the bathroom
• Tell him to do things instead of asking him to do them. 

Bigger Changes

• Put him into a chastity device - this can be permanent or used occasionally for fun, punishment, or motivation 
• Make the decision to include punishment and discipline into your relationship
• Add new rituals or routines 
• A formal weekly review/discipline routine
• A transition ritual for him when he comes home from work - something to shift his mindset from work to serving you and being submissive
• Bedtime or morning ritual - these can include you (undress/dress you, kiss your feet, thank you for allowing him to serve you, etc.) or can be a ritual that he does on his own to prepare for the coming day and stay focused on serving you.
• Greeting ritual when you arrive at home such as immediately stopping whatever he is doing and coming to you, take your coat, and asking how he can serve you; he must silently kneel upon your arrival and await for you to 'release' him or give him instructions, or he must kiss your feet.
• Rules that take away some of his freedom or rights - no talking each night during certain hours, must ask permission to go out with friends or do activities
• Put him on a weekly spending allowance; takeaway or monitor his access to credit cards and bank accounts
• Significantly alter his wardrobe or appearance - must wear collar in the home, must be naked in the home or while doing certain things, get a tattoo that brands him or is symbolic of his submission to you, you pick out his outfit everyday, must always keep his balls shaved, you decide his hair style, etc.
• Make the decision to deeply explore a fetish or kink and incorporate it permanently into the relationship. Examples include feminization, strap-on, pet play, infantilism, chastity, bondage. Exploring a fetish or kink can lead to an exciting new journey within your relationship and is a fantastic way to spice things up. Take your time exploring. You don't have to do it all at once. I take great pleasure in slowly taking him down a path, making little changes over time. That in itself is a mind fuck for him because he does not know what's coming next or when will it end.

One-Time Events

• Spend a night or weekend 100% focused on one of his fetishes or fantasies
• Make him worship your ass with his tongue- this will remind him if his place beneath you.
• Try a new kink - pet play, feminization, spanking, ass worship, bondage
• A long and intense teasing and denial session; make sure he pleasures you in-between teases; I often enjoy doing this for several days. He is putty in my hands after a few days of intense T&D.
• Wear a new fetish outfit - surprise him with it or make him buy it for you. It's even fun to shop for it together.  
• Be extra strict and demanding for a day or weekend
• Have him pamper you and wait on you hand and foot all day - make him plan the day for you.
• Small "power moves" can get his submissive juices flowing- the revers spooning (you spoon him), order him to lick your finger that's covered in his precum, be physically aggressive with him, call him "slave" or tell him "good boy," hold his head tightly between your thighs.

-Mz Kaylee