The Busy Dominat Wife Part II - Putting a Strategy In Place

In my last post I introduced the concept that when things get busy it often becomes a challenge to keep the structure of the FLR in place. However, it is during the busy times in which the leader should lean more on the FLR structure to help get through the busy time and reduce stress. In this post, I will provide suggestions on how to avoid falling out of the FLR routine and how to maintain your authority and control during the busy times. The post focuses on a few "theory" type ideas.  My later post will get into some fun practical ideas for you to implement.

First the theory - think about what your ideal day-to-day FLR state would be.  Make sure it is realistic and not fantasy. It should take into consideration what you want as well as the needs of your husband. For me it would include things like coffee made for me every morning, hubby keeps up with chores, nightly foot rubs and massages, discipline sessions twice a month, he pleasures me several times a week, his orgasms are 6 - 8 weeks apart, he receives several quick teases from me daily and more intense teasing at least once a week, etc.

The ideal state is what you should strive to achieve on a day-to-day basis for at least 50% of the time during the year. When you hit those times when it is not achievable, the best thing you can do is recognize the situation and put a plan in place to keep as much intact as you can.  If the situation is short-lived, then it may be as simple as communicating to your husband that over the next week or two things are going to be hectic and that you expect him to still be on his best behavior.  You could have him do an extra chore or two to help you.

If it is going to be longer, then thoughtful planning can go a long way in helping you get through the tough time while also keeping the FLR intact and keeping your husband motivated. Situations that can put a strain on the FLR include, a project at work that requires extra hours over a period of time, taking a class while also working, taking care of a sick parent, or multiple kids activities such as sports, play, and clubs. As a parent of teenagers, I certainly have been one of those people caught up in the whirlwind of activities that consume most of my time.  It is the joy of my life to be involved with the kids activities but I also know it is important to spend time with my husband.

When the busy times hit here are a few strategic things that you can do to not lose focus and time with your partner:

1. Talk to him about the situation and tell him you need his help during the busy time. This sets the expectation that things are going to change a bit.  Also, a submissive man will be more than happy to help. Remember, his motivation is to serve you and make you happy.  You could play into his submissive nature and demand that he help you.  Let him know that even though you may not have time to watch him closely, you expect him to keep up with his chores.  By taking a firm and authoritative tone when talking about this, it will stir up his submissive desires and motivate him to work for you.

2. Plan "touch points" with your husband during the day and week.  Quality alone time with each other is usually what suffers the most during the busy times. Force yourself to spend time together even if it is just a few minutes a day.  Morning and evening are great times for this since these are the times you are most likely to be home together. It's as simple as waking up together and being in the same room.  I leave for work before him but he wakes up at the same time as me and will get ready for work with me.  In the evenings, go to bed together or establish a bed time routine.  In my house my husband stays up later to do chores :) but when I go to bed he comes up with me and irons my clothes and gets his clothes ready for the next day.  Then when I am in bed he goes back to his chores. Just being together for this short-time is enough to have quick conversations and catch up on things and stay connected with each other.  Other things you can do is have breakfast together, a quick call during the day, or require him to text you during the day or evening. Leaving him notes is another way to create a touch point. I use notes frequently when I am busy. I can write them anytime during the day when I have free time and then leave them for him to read in the evening or morning.  I will use notes to give him tasks and assignments to do, express dissatisfaction and issue punishments, instruct him what to wear during the day, or to express my appreciation/satisfaction for his obedience.

You can also incorporate routines and rituals into these touch points which will reinforce your authority, satisfy his submissive needs and keep him motivated. Our bedtime routine is that when I am ready for bed Thomas will go upstairs and get naked and put his robe on.  He will make sure a dry towel is in the bathroom for me.  If I am taking a bath he will draw the bath for me.  When I undress he will have my robe ready for me to put on.  Sometimes I will make him undress me, other times I will just have him remove my panties.  When I am in the bathroom he goes about his usual business but when I come out he comes back to the bedroom to iron my clothes.  If there is anything I need him to do, he will do it for me.  He will also give me a massage, which includes kissing my body as he massages. If I desire, he will pleasure me.  Then it's off to bed for me and he is off to finish his chores.  When things get busy, the massages may not happen but he is still required to do all the other things and I do require him to kiss my feet every night when possible.  There are some nights where our schedules are way off and we can not stick to the routine. However, the expectation from me is that when we are home together, the routine will occur unless there is some unusual situation. Having that routine is an effective way to feed his submissive desires. I certainly enjoy having him wait on me hand and foot but the little things like requiring him to be naked, requiring him to remove my panties every night, and requiring him to kiss my feet are motivators for him.  These requirements help set the relationship apart from a traditional marriage and feed his submissive desires.

Some other ideas for morning or night routines are:

• Require him to kneel and kiss your feet or other part of your body before bed or each morning when you wake up
• Have him kneel silent while you dress and get ready for work (during this time you can order him to do things for you and help you get dressed)
• Have him dress/undress you
• Have him get your shoes for you or put them away, and have him put your shoes on/take them off.  

These are all things that do not add time to your routine and some of them will even help you so they are ideal routines during your busy time. You don't have to do these every night either.  You can pick certain days of the week that he must do these things (slave nights), you can change the routine each week, or you can randomly require him to do them. For example, once when I was busy and had not been spending much time with Thomas, I woke him up early one weekday morning and handed him a note before I went into the bathroom. The note instructed him to put on a pair of panties that were on my dresser and kneel quietly by my dresser and wait for me.  When I came in he was kneeling and hard as a rock (exactly what I expected!). I proceeded to get ready for work while he knelt and watched me.  I had him dress me and put my shoes on.  I referred to him as slave frequently and he was not permitted to talk until I left for work.  I ordered him to wear the panties to work that day.  This whole routine did not add any time to my schedule, other than the time to write the note but it left a lasting impression with Thomas, fed into his submissiveness, and energized him to keep obeying me. It is also worked well with our schedule because the kids were sleeping during this time.  The randomness of it caught him off guard, which seemed to excite him even more. I only did it once but it had a lasting effect.

When you are busy, these touch points and routines will be a tremendous help in keeping you connected with your submissive husband and keeping him motivated to serve and obey you.  During your busy times, if you can incorporate at least one routine daily, that is ideal. I would recommend that at a minimum you do one or two of the routines twice a week and have daily touch points.  I personally enjoy being pampered and treated like a queen so I enjoy the routines.  However, I want to emphasize that employing these routines during busy times is a planned strategy by you to keep him motivated and submissive.  The primary purpose of these routines is not for your direct benefit.   This is the "maintenance" to keep him submissive to you.  For example, when a man kneels naked before his wife, removes her panties, and stares into her sex or upward at her naked body because he is required to, it sends a message to him that he is submissive to her, beneath her, and under her control.  Doing this regularly keeps him submissive, obedient, and happy.

In my next post I will write about planning for date nights and the "less than ideal state."