Creating a Productive Structure For Your Submissive

Submissive men tend to be more productive and happier when they are in a structured environment. Structure sets expectations, removes, uncertainty, and removes stress. Generally, I think most people prefer structure as it helps them maintain control in their life. Even those who are spontaneous and more creative have some structure in their life. However, the submissive tends to thrive in a highly structured environment that brings out their submission, subjects them to female control and authority, and holds them accountable. In the Wife Led Marriage (WLM), structure also helps the wife maintain control and order in the household.

For the new dominant, it can seem like a daunting task to create this structure and for those of us who are experienced, maintaining that structure can be challenging at times. Over the years my WLM has progressed into a very structured environment for my husband and I have noticed that the structure has indeed made him more productive and happier. It has also alleviated stress for me and improved my standard of living. We have less arguments, there is less need for me to give him orders or explain expectations, and he is kept busy operating within the structure, which keeps him out of trouble. It takes work and time to create structure but once in place, it makes things flow much easier in your WLM.  I’d like to share some strategies and techniques for creating that structure.

Rules and Expectations

A foundational part of the structure is creating rules and expectations for your husband to follow. This includes things such as assigning him chores to do on a daily or weekly basis, his attitude when speaking to you, what decisions require your approval, and whether he requires approval for going out with friends or to social events without you. It is important that these rules and expectations are clearly understood, specific, and timebound. For example, telling him he must clean the kitchen each day is too general. The better rule is that he must clean the kitchen every night immediately after dinner, which includes dishes washed, table wiped down, and floor swept. Defining these specifics avoids any confusion on expectations but also creates the highly structured environment that appeals to the submissive.

If you are newer to WLM, I recommend you (the wife) start out by defining the rules and expectations that are most important to you and will benefit you the most versus trying to create a comprehensive list of rules. The submissive guy would absolutely love a huge list of rules as that creates a deep sense of being controlled. However, you will most likely struggle to enforce the rules, which will result in frustration and disappointment from the submissive and may discourage you from engaging further in the WLM dynamic. Additionally, as eager as submissives are to obey and please their Female Leader, they are not always ready to take on new rules and expectations. Assigning him all chores on day one will overwhelm him and he will fail in his obedience. My WLM is highly structured right now. Most of his day, every day, is comprised of doing things for me, or following rules that I have established for him. However, it was not always that way. It took me many years to get to this point.

Once you establish the base rules and expectations, it is important to pay attention to his performance and give immediate feedback for improvement if needed. In the beginning you will need to invest time into training him how to do things to your expectations. Inspect his work and make sure it is done 100% to your satisfaction and give specific feedback about where he fell short. Do not be afraid to be too demanding. A strict, demanding wife is what the submissive husband desires. Discipline and punishment should be incorporated if he does not improve. Set high expectations and hold him to them.  If he is doing a good job, let him know and reward him. Feedback, discipline, punishment, and rewards are all important parts of the structured environment.

After he gets into a good routine with your base rules and expectations, you can start to layer on more rules and transition more chores and tasks to him. You can begin to add rules that are aimed at reinforcing your control over him. For example, you can define how he should dress during the day and in bed at night (Thomas must wear panties during the day and sleep naked at night), how he is to address you, or where he is allowed to sit in the house. You may also decide to take control of the finances and put him on an allowance. Ideally, you want to work up to a point where you have enough rules that every day his behavior and decisions are being directly shaped by you and the rules. This creates that continuous controlling/submissive environment that submissive men thrive in.

Adding Routines

Establishing regular routines is another way to add structure to your WLM. Many WLMs fail or never get going because the wife struggles to stay engaged in the dynamic. This can be because she is not as interested in it as the husband, or she does not know what to do, or she just gets busy with other things and forgets about it. Incorporating routines into the WLM is a great way to overcome these barriers and help the wife stay engaged. Some routines that have worked well for me are: having a weekly review and discipline session, a food shopping routine, weekly massages from him, “Silent Sundays” - no talking for him, and “chore days” in which certain days of the week he has specific chores that he must complete. Each routine, in most cases, has a specific day and time of the week that it must be done and has a defined way in which it must be done. I even have special outfits that he must wear for many of his routines. These routines keep him productive and working for me, without me having to do a lot of explaining and commanding. Many routines involve me but the great thing is that routines like chore days do not require my immediate direct attention and so I can go off and have my own fun while my husband works and still feels the impact of my control over him.

Ladies, if you are not fully engaged in your WLM, then you should spend time understanding that last concept. Let me put it in other words – submissive guys crave to be controlled and dominated, and if done right, they will work hard for you! This means you can offload you mundane boring work to him and spend your time focused on things you enjoy. You just need to invest some of that extra time you get into monitoring, discipline, and exerting your control, and you will end up with a happy, productive husband and a better standard of living for you.

Incorporating Rituals

Finally, rituals are a good part of the WLM structure.  Regularly planned rituals, create positive habits and reinforce your dominance and his submission. Rituals can be designed for just the submissive to do or they can involve the wife too. For many months, I required my husband to do a transition ritual after work to help him transition from work mindset to home/submissive mindset. It was a simple ritual where he had to change from regular underwear to panties and then spend a few minutes refocusing his mind. It was very effective in improving his attitude. Because it was required by me, each time he did it, he felt controlled by me, even though I was not with him. I also incorporate rituals into some of our routines. For example, during his weekly review, he strips naked and kneels and kisses my feet before we begin and after the review he kneels in the corner and focuses on how he can be a better slave.

Building the Structure With Flexibility

Once again, I want to reiterate that you do not need to everything all at once. If you try to do too much it becomes a burden and leads to frustration or disappointment. You also need to work within your lifestyle. If you both have jobs and young kids, then monthly routines might work better than weekly. I started doing monthly review session, then went to biweekly, and eventually went to weekly review sessions. It took time and experience for me to be disciplined enough to stick with a weekly routine. I also learned that committing to it weekly was a benefit to me, because it made a big difference in Thomas’ performance. Finally, as my kids got older and more self-sufficient, it became easier to dedicate more time to rituals and routines.

It is also important to allow flexibility in your structure. If you get busy it’s ok to skip a routine or push it back a day. Tasks, chores, and expectations can be adjusted by the wife as needed if there is a change in lifestyle or things get busy. While I do advocate for increasing his responsibilities and expectations over time, responsibilities and expectations can be temporarily reduced to accommodate changing circumstances. Just be careful not to lose your structure all together. If you are starting to skip things frequently, then your structure is at risk. You need to work hard to get back to the routine. This is even more critical during busy or stressful times. Easier said than done – I know. In my earlier WLM years, our routines and rituals went off track a few times and the results were never good. Communication broke down, he started slacking off on chores, his attitude became negative, and I would get frustrated or angry with him. The good news is that we were always able to reset and get back on track so do not get discouraged if this happens to you. If you notice the structure of your WLM deteriorating and your husband’s behavior becoming less supportive or attentive to you, then it is your responsibility as the leader to reset and get things on track.  For me, scheduling a discipline session followed by a punishment always provided a good reset. It’s like ripping off a band-aid – you just must acknowledge things are going south, give a little pain (the punishment), and then all is healed and you are back on track.

 Hopefully you picked up a few good tips and ideas from the post. I encourage you all to put structure into your WLM and never stop building and adjusting it. It will make life so much better for the both of you. Please share your thoughts and experiences.

-Mz Kaylee

 

My Secret Weapon: The Marital Triad - and More…. (Guest Post by AJ)

Somewhat recently, I made some guest posts on chastity and chastity devices. Based on some of the comments to those posts I just wanted to state a few things regarding those posts and any further  posts that I might make including this one. There is no one size fits all when it comes to anything and that most definitely includes relationships and even more specifically kinky FLR ones. Everyone's flavor of kink is slightly or even largely different. Everyone's life experiences are different. Everyone’s reaction to various stimulus are a bit different. So what works for one couple may not work at all for another couple. We all are made up of unique mojo. So please when you read anything I might have to say keep that in mind. I am not claiming to be the final authority and expert on anything, not by a long shot. Be very wary of professed experts. Because someone is loud and vocal and speaks from a high pulpit, it does not necessarily  make them an authority on anything. One just needs to look at our politicians over the years to understand this. Because you read something somewhere, very often it does not mean that its actually true. All I can say is that I do my very best to write from the heart with what I have specifically found to be the true in my own relationship. Its what we have experienced as a couple and it is what has evolved and what has worked for us uniquely. Everyone’s mileage will vary greatly. Exercise your own brain and apply your own truths to everything that you do in life. Disclaimer done…..

 

My Secret Weapon: The Marital Triad  - and More…. :)

So in my marriage :)  chastity, orgasm control and pegging (yes my man loves it up the ass and he is so embarrassed by that….) , they all play a very important and prominent role. Those have become my marital triad, my secret weapon to relationship success.  As a female,  I have definitely learned to leverage this to my personal advantage and to the overall benefit of our marriage (for the mutual benefit of both parties not just me). I manage him with this triad of tools to further the overall “and already existing” happiness in our marriage, it has become a legitimate and valued tool in my resource kit. This most definitely was not the case for much of our marriage. Like most women, the ideas of chastity cages and orgasm control were way beyond the limits of my conventional thinking. These concepts just did not logically make sense to me. But I am evolving and just  like religion, there is more than meets the eye with all of this. But the bottom line is that for whatever crazy reason it seems to work magic. At the end of the day I go with what works and not what I think should work. I have gone from the reluctant bewildered FLR partner, to the wife who now embraces the power and magic of FLR. I still don’t fully understand why locking my husbands penis up and severely rationing his orgasms makes him so happy, but I’m beginning to understand it. Men are just different than us is the duh answer. They are just weird strange creatures. The sooner that we as women accept this simple truth, the sooner we will reach a peaceful state of mind. I have evolved with what I initially viewed as “his kinks”. His kinks are now “my kinks”. I have now taken his kinks and raised them by a few chips of my own. The proof is in the pudding. The frequent wetness between my legs tells me that I now “like it” as well. And oh by the way,  if “his kink” also means that I largely have the last word in all marital decisions and that most of the house work is done by his sexually drooling self, that's a huge huge win for me. If he loves to massage my butt and legs and lick my pussy and ass out every night, go right ahead mister! I’m gladly giving him that kind of power over me :) So you definitely can say I have “come around” to the benefits of chastity and orgasm control as weird as that may sound and as illogical they may sound to my womanly mind!

When you begin to go up to the kink tree and open up your formerly restricted mind to other ideas and when you begin to loose your fear of venturing into the naughty and unknown through previous successes,  you begin to explore other areas of kink. We also have incorporated some other FLR associated activities into our marriage. Like pegging, they are not everyone’s cup of tea, but once again they seem to work for our unique relationship. Like chastity and orgasm control which were foreign and illogical to me, we now practice forms of physical discipline and panty wearing in our marriage, or I should say he does.

I discipline my husband for not towing the line to my personal satisfaction. How did this come about? Not by me. Like most everything else along these lines, he introduced me into this area of kink. This is one I have really struggled with. As a loving partner, as a woman, why would I ever want to possibly beat my loving husband across his butt so hard that he cries like a child? The answer once again is that he is just one weird strange animal and that it somehow feeds positively into his sexual mojo. It makes him happy. Bizarre yes!  And once again along the way I have somehow (and I still struggle with this) found that it turns me on!  I feel like the dirty slutty wife as I beat his ass with the strap and my pussy is dripping and sheening with its own juices as I do it! If it increases his happiness and increases his ability to perform all of the domestic tasks to my satisfaction, more power to it. Strapping my husband backside, regularly, when he honestly deserves it, benefits me personally is the bottom line to this kink and it seems to make him a better partner both sexually and non sexually. So the strap now hangs easily within reach in our bedroom closet and he oils and conditions it weekly as part of his standard chore list. Just remember its to discipline and correct his under performing behavior and not to play into his quest for kink. That's why you need to make it painful to him (those tears are a must) and not just a sexual activity that he seeks out by creating incidents which play into that sort of deception.  You can also incorporate a more routine regimen of kink satisfying spanking sessions which are much less severe in nature as a reward for jobs well done.  Both venues work well with me/us. 

Panty wearing…. Oh my god!  This is one that honestly I incorporated into the marriage more than him suggesting it in any way. Remember when I said that I called his bet and raised it earlier on…. When you already peg your mans ass regularly with a dildo and you already have him keep his nether regions shaved front and back for you, this one just seemed like a natural extension, a sure fire kink amplifier. It was me being my new evolved wicked best. And guess what, it works. He hated them at first and he still has a love hate relationship with them.. He found (finds) them very embarrassing. But I think more than finding them embarrassing to wear,  he is internally more distressed to find that by wearing them he is sexually and psychologically turned on to them! His cock just seems to magically begin oozing away whenever he puts them on. If he wasn’t caged 24 x 7, I am positive to say that he would be regularly tenting inside of them. That’s what he really finds embarrassing and his secret is out with me and  he can’t hide it.  This is which makes it so wicked in both of our minds. It really amps the kink factor way up with both of us. I hate to say this about myself, but seeing him in a smooth pair of satiny or frilly panties makes me wet! I don’t understand why. Having a cross dressing man does not appeal to my flavor of kink whatsoever, but somehow panty wearing is an exception to my mind. Today, as we speak, he has no “male” underwear. He wears panties or he wears nothing. I have one emergency pair of tidy whitey jockey shorts (which by the ways he has also always hated - he was always more of a sports boxer guy) which I keep locked up and put away. He gets to wear these judiciously for doctors visits and what not, but I also make him sweat out whether I will allow him that manly vestige of pride or not!

Why am I writing this and where am I going with this? As a formerly very straight and very vanilla woman I know this all sounds so strange and bizarre to other women. It can initially be all so frightening.  All of this stuff just sort of remaps what defines a man and what defines a woman - at least with what we have been originally taught by our parents and society. Are we going to hell for exploring these outer boundaries? These are all legit fears. Why are men just so different from us and why do they need all of this weirdness in their lives? The answer once again is just that they are - don’t try to hard to understand it, it won’t happen. But I am here as a woman to say, be brave and try some of this in your relationship. You might be very surprised as to how much joy and benefit this will open up to your partnership. You have to really ask yourself who is getting hurt by opening up yourself to these “wicked” practices? Who is the injured party? There isn't one!!!!! You are satisfying his kinks for sure but at the same time your opening up yourself to a whole multitude of pleasurable unexplored venues in life. And did I mention the household chores, the back rubs, the great sex… it goes on. There is no free ride however, there is no magic one size fits all bullet and path to take. No matter what type of relationship you decide to pursue and to pursue successfully,  they all take a lot of work, effort and commitment. If love, care and respect don’t already exist in your marriage then this isn't going to fix that.  If both partners are not receiving benefit then this is not some sort of relationship placebo. In my mind this is something which amplifies the existing love and sexuality in a already working partnership. But do try some of this out, it might greatly enhance what already is a very good thing. At worst,  it doesn’t work and you move on. No harm, no foul. Be bold and try something a bit different.

AJ

Unorthodox Corrective Treatments (Guest Post by Edward)

I’m sure you have read about, or experienced punishment while either in a WLM,

or reading about WLM. Being bent over a chair for the paddle, corner time, or
being given the wife’s sister’s weeks worth of laundry to complete.

If you have heard of the four levels of FLR’s we are at about a three.
My wife’s first choice punishment was always the old standby…. corporal. A
problem soon became apparent when I started looking forward to these times,
and they became non-effective. This caused her to start looking for ideas that I
most certainly would NOT look forward to. To give proper credit, she gained one
of these ideas, and the concept of me NOT wanting it, from a blog written by
Mistress Scarlet of the UK. These incidents I will write about, I have previously
described in comments. I am writing this guest blog because I hope to help others
think more broadly, regarding the concept of punishment. It doesn’t always have
to involve physical pain. I’ll describe the worst treatments of many, my wife has
given me. These still make my skin crawl as I begin writing about them.

The two corrective treatments were: 1. Buying panties. 2. Learning to dance.

About two years into our marriage, I made the mistake of arguing with my wife.
But instead of corporal punishment, she brought up the Victoria’s Secret website
on her laptop, and she picked out three specific styles, and patterns of panties in
specific colors, in large size for me. I had to hand write out the list of these. For
example: Boyshorts, in Peach color with V.S. logo pattern, large size. Then we
went to a mall we never go to, she dialed my cell phone from hers, and told me to
put mine in my shirt pocket so she could hear everything, and be sure I wouldn’t
try using the I’m buying them for my wife ruse. I went in alone, asked a sales lady
for help, and showed her the list, in my hand writing. If they didn’t have a specific
one in stock, I was to ask her for a recommendation. Most importantly I had to
vocally tell the sales woman that they were for me. Loud enough to be heard by
my wife over the phone. I don’t know how long I was in there, maybe fifteen
minutes, but it felt like a lifetime. Once I was at the cash register, I was to pay
the sales lady a 35% tip. My wife meanwhile hung out across the corridor
watching me, and listening intently on her cell phone.  I can’t begin to describe 

the embarrassment. After being utterly humiliated from customers stares, and

them leaving the store, I got out of there, back to my wife, and showed her the
bag, relieved that I was done. Then she said “Now go back in, and tell her you
forgot to ask her for information about Victoria’s Secret credit card rewards, and
carry your pretty panty bag back in with you”. This I was not expecting. I went
back, literally trembling, and asked the same sales woman what I had been told to
ask her. She looked at me, and said “you…what”? She gave me the most
menacing look, and I felt the blood rush to my face. We went back to the counter
again for five minutes where she gave me very detailed information explaining
the benefits of the Pink, Silver, and Gold member levels, and handed me this
pamphlet, telling me just to look it up online, and I could apply there. By this
point I know she was getting irritated, and was purposely holding me there
forever explaining the card info. Making sure I wouldn’t be back a third time. I
walked out the second time to my wife, completely dejected. Her first words
were “If you want to backtalk me again, there’s a sale on leggings at Lululemon
next week”. She felt very bad for the sales lady, but showed me absolutely no
sympathy, or mercy. She laughed so hard, as she pointed out how pathetic I
looked on my second exit from the store. When we arrived home, after all I had
been through already, she began talking to me in a child like voice and said “Go
put on a pair of your pretty new panties”. “I know you’ve been excited to try them
since we left the mall”. “You can celebrate being a big boy; buying your very own
undies, all by yourself”. “You’ll remember this monumental day forever then.”
“Isn’t that wonderful?” She was beautifully brutal, and absolutely relentless,
while endlessly crushing my egocentric, self-absorbed attitude that day. But
there was one really big positive that came out of this punishment for both of us.
I really watch my mouth now. (As a post script: she phoned the store the next
day, and apologized to the sales woman, because this most definitely was not fair
to her.)

The second creative punishment was again in 2017 for constantly being slack, and
late with my assigned housework, as I knew that would earn me the paddle, and
strap. Once my wife determined I was doing this, she changed tactics. I was
ordered to (kind of) learn to tap dance from youtube videos. Then I was to learn,
and practice a seven minute routine for her. In addition to this she would film it
so she could upload it to a website at a later date if I ever challenged her
authority in a major way. I practiced for months on the hardwood floor of our
basement; curtains closed. The night of my big performance I put on the dance
costume she chose for me. Rainbow pattern tights, a tanktop, and a yellow bow
in my hair. I then went to the basement in my clickity clack shoes. I enter the
basement, and there are three women sitting with my wife, who introduced
themselves as her co-workers. I blurted out: “you said you were just going to be
filming me”! She said “I will only be filming you, but they want to get in on the
laughs”. This started the laughter right out of the gate. My wife said “quit
whining Dancerella, and do your routine for us” she started the music before I
could say anything else. I danced through seven minutes of laughter, name
calling, and whistles, while the camera captured it all. When I finished, they
started clapping for me; still more whistling, and laughing amongst themselves. I
clacked out of there in my tap shoes on a dead run, straight to the bedroom, and
locked the door. About ten minutes later, a text arrived on my phone. Yes, it was
from my wife, and it read “Did that turn you on dear? Is your turgid member
causing you discomfort?”. It almost brought me to tears, as I knew what she
meant. I stayed there until her friends left. For a year I fretted, and worried that
someone would start spreading this around her office, and who knows where. It
was in 2018 before she told me she had found three dominatrices to play the co-
worker role, solely to increase my nervousness, and they didn’t charge her a
dime. They were happy to help humiliate me for free. I had worried for a year for
nothing. She still has my dance routine stored on her computer. My benefit from
this? I suddenly became a very accomplished housekeeper.

Neither of these punishments involved corporal punishment, or extra chores, yet
they were incredibly effective. They delivered complete humiliation, and
embarrassment. I was literally sick to my stomach, prior to both, and no I don’t
want to repeat them. A cane, and strap have none of these effects on me. She
has taught me well through these events, and she’s made me a better husband.

In closing I will repeat what I wrote in my opening. My main purpose in writing
this guest column was, to possibly broaden others thoughts of what can be
utilized as punishment opportunities. In short, just use your imagination!

To all the superior women: Do you have punishments that were out of the
ordinary you have carried out? To all husbands: Do you have memories of
unorthodox punishments you have experienced? Please describe them in the
comments below if you care to. Someone’s mistress, or wife may possibly, truly
appreciate you for it one day.

Sincerely, Edward.

Devotional Activities

 As promised, in this post I am sharing ideas on rewards and devotion activities for my husband, which are designed to strengthen his devotion to me. These are activities that he will enjoy, mainly because of the dominance aspect, but also because they will make me happy, which is what drives his devotion. The devotion aspect is new to me, but I’ve done research on devotion and have come up with some ideas based on the research. I researched both the meaning of devotion in general and how people have used devotion in a Wife Led Marriage or a Female Dominate relationship.  As you can imagine, most information on devotion related to religion and most of the Femdom devotion topics were fantasy and kink, with themes of worshipping the Female. The fun part for me is merging the two aspects together to create something that is meaningful, effective, and fun for our WLM.

Devotion Activities

I’m envisioning three major types of devotion activities. The first, and most important type, are activities that make my life better. Anything to do with pampering me, such as massages, bathing me, shaving my legs, or buying me gifts falls into this category. Other examples are washing my car, organizing my shoes, and running errands for me.

The second type of devotion activities are activities whose purpose is to reinforce his submission and devotion to me. These activities appeal to his submissive desires and have a mental impact on him. Examples include hand washing my panties, body worship, and kissing my feet.

The third type of activities are rituals of devotion, such as reciting a mantra, writing, or reciting words of praise, and incorporating a ritual approach or routine in some of the ways he serves me.

He already does many of these activities and we currently have a few rituals in place. What is different now is that he has a deep devotional mindset when he is doing the activities and I am going to do more to encourage and expect devotion from him. My plan is to incorporate into his weekly schedule, a few additional devotion and ritualistic type of interactions with me. For example, I will have him kneel before me more often, such as when I want to talk to him about tasks or errands he needs to do for me, upcoming social or family activities, serious topics, etc. When watching TV together, I may order him to sit at my feet. I may even text him if I am on my way home and order him to kneel and wait by the front door for me. How great would it be to have him kneeling when I enter, ready to welcome me home, take off my shoes, and give my feet a nice worship kiss? We’ll see how it goes. I enjoy taking a slow approach to change because it is fun to mold him into something new. It is also a good way to properly train him without him fully realizing his fate. In the beginning, I’ll have him kneel for a few things but over time, I’ll introduce more and more kneeling, and eventually It will become a normal part of his life for him to be kneeling or sitting on the floor when he talks to me or is around me.

Kissing and worshipping my body is another activity that will become more common for him. Currently he massages me several times a week, and that is already a body worship activity for him as he does it in a ritualistic way, kissing my body as he massages me. Nothing about that ritual will change.  Something else I currently do is have him worship my ass with his tongue. Ass worship is an occasional indulgence for me, but I think I’ll look for ways to incorporate it more often as a devotional activity, such as at the end of my massage or before we go out to a social event with friends. Can you imagine the effect it will have on him, if right before we are ready to leave, I order him to kneel and then I pull down my shorts or lift my skirt and order him to worship my ass with his tongue? Even if it is just a minute or two of tongue worship, it will be enough to switch his brain into full submissive mode and help him stay focused on me all day or night, especially if I tell him I will expect more when we return home.

Scent of a Woman

I’ve read where having guys kiss and lick your armpits can have quite an effect on them. It sounds silly to me but apparently there are guys that get aroused at the scent of a women’s armpit. For submissive men, I can see how it can be used as a domination technique. Ordering a guy to smell and kiss your armpit can be demeaning and a turn on for him. Supposedly it can be very arousing for the woman to be kissed and licked under her arms. I may have to give that one a try!

While we are on the topic of scents, another devotion activity that I will require him to do is sniffing my panties. I’ve discovered over the years that it is exciting and arousing for guys to sniff a woman’s scent from her worn panties. My husband is not shy about admitting this. I’ve gagged him with my panties before and have allowed him to sniff them. In the past, it’s been more fantasy play and a great way to get him into submissive mode. However, now under our new “devotion regiment,” inhaling my scent becomes a form of worship and deepens his devotion to me. I plan on placing my panties over his face on occasion and ordering him to worship my scent while he kneels or lays in bed and meditates on how to stay devoted to me. Maybe that becomes a once-a-month activity for him. I might even have him start and end the panty sniffing by taking a deep breath to inhale and then recite a short mantra or truth. I really like the idea of making the panty sniffing a ritual as opposed to just some kink. This way it attaches some meaning to the activity, that ultimately benefits me because his mind is focused on me during and after the ritual.

Worshipping the scent of my feet is another devotional activity that I read about, which I thought sounded fun. As many of you know, I occasionally use Thomas as my footstool. He kneels before me on hands and knees and I rest my feet on his back. This new activity I read about is to have him lie on the floor on his back with his head at my feet. This way I can rest my feet directly on his face and he can inhale the wonderful smell of my beautiful feet while he serves as my footrest. I can read or watch TV while he quietly worships my feet with each breath he takes. I also like that in this position, I can easily tease his cock with my feet every now and then. Similar to the panty sniffing ritual, I can order him to take a few deep breaths and recite his truth before each breath while my feet are on his face.

Those are some of the fun things I’ll incorporate into our existing activities to keep his devotion strong.  In addition, I will plan on at least one “devotion night” during the week that he must be 100% focused on being devoted to me. To get his mind focused properly on devotion night, I will require him to do a transition ritual as soon as he is done work. The ritual will involve him changing into a devotion outfit and reciting a truth.

The Devotion Outfit

I love having special outfits for Thomas to wear and so I am excited to come up with a new outfit for him for his devotion activities. I have the brilliant idea of getting him white bridal panties; the kind with a veil/silk bow on the back. A sexy bridal garter to wear around his thigh (or perhaps one on each wrist, symbolic of cuffs) will be a perfect accessory for his outfit. He would look so cute in them! The bridal theme will be a nice reminder of the day he devoted his life to me; except back then he had no clue that when he said, “I do,” it would lead to him being my devoted slave.

The change into his devotion outfit will help him mentally transition from work mode to devoted slave mode. Once in devoted slave mode he will not be allowed to speak the rest of the night except when directed by me.

Reciting A Truth

One idea that intrigued me when researching ideas for devotion, was to have a “truth” for him to repeat over and over again. A truth is a short and simple phrase that the devotee says, which reinforces their reality or something that they want to strive to be or do. Examples of truth’s that I thought of for Thomas:

• I always obey and yield to you
• I exist for your pleasure (or I exist for Goddess Kaylee’s pleasure)
• I live to be your slave.
• I am devoted to serving Goddess Kaylee and making her life better.
• I am your property now and forever

 

I can also use truths to help correct bad behavior. I have a feeling I will be using this strategy often. For example:

• It is my duty to make the kitchen spotless every night
• I will fold Goddess Kaylee’s panties neatly when I put them away 

I plan on coming up with a new truth each week and writing it on a sticky note and leaving it with his devotion outfit.  As part of his transition routine, I will instruct him to repeat the truth over and over again in his mind while he is dressing and preparing for his devotion night. When he is properly dressed, he is to find me and quietly kneel before me.  When I am ready, I will order him to recite his truth to me (and will probably make him repeat it a few times for me).

Then I will give him his assignments for the night. There will definitely be one or two assignments in the “activities that benefit me category.” I will likely also include one activity to strengthen his submission and devotion. The transition ritual takes care of the “ritual activity” but I may throw another one in by the end of the night.

Potential Devotion Activities

Category 1: Activities that make my life better

1. Organizing/refolding my clothes
2. Washing and cleaning my car
3. Waiting on me hand and foot all night – 100% focused on me and waiting for me to give an order.
4. Running errands for me (or chauffeuring me around)
5. Cleaning/polishing all my shoes, sneakers, and sandals.
6. Pampering me
7. Buying me a gift or buying me flowers
8. Planning a fun day for me or a fun activity to do with me. 

Category 2: Activities that reinforce his submission and devotion

      1. Hand wash or sniff my panties
      2. Body worship – feet, ass, arm pits, or whole body worship.
      3.  Give up something for a period of time as a sign of devotion to me
      4.   No talking
      5.   Not allowed to sit on furniture
      6.   Kneeling, meditating, corner time

Category 3: Rituals of Devotion

       1. Recite a mantra or truth
       2. Write and sign a short letter of devotion to me – how will he be a better slave for me, what                      will he do to make my life better, what does he appreciate about me, etc.
        3.  Create a formal ritual in how he does something (such as the transition ritual noted above). 

Our weekly schedule could change often, so instead of having a fixed weeknight for devotion, I will inform him during his weekly review, which night will be the devotion night for upcoming week. Depending on my schedule and what I want, I may inform him of his devotion activities the night before. The beauty of all this is that I don’t always have to be present on his devotion night. I could have a night out with the girls while leaving him with a list of activities and rituals to do.

When trying something new, I think it is important for the wife (not the husband!) to be flexible in the approach.  I’ve listed a bunch of ideas but I may only give a few a try. I do not plan on doing all ideas every week. I will try to stick with the weekly devotion night, but if it is too much, I may space it out every few weeks. Hopefully we’ll settle into a schedule that works well.

Lastly, I want to reiterate the message from my last post, that true devotion is driven by the devotee (my husband). I would expect my devoted husband to do many of the category 1 activities on his own throughout the month, without prompting from me. The strategy I outlined above is my way of encouraging and supporting his devotion and making it even more fun for both of us. And the rewards….well…worshipping my feet, body, and ass, sniffing my panties, being allowed to pleasure me and serve me – They are his rewards! If he is truly devoted, there will very little reasons for punishment, which allows for more time for devotion activities.

-Mz Kaylee

A Few Reminders

Now, that I am back writing again, I wanted to remind you of a few things:

1. Readers can submit profiles of themselves.  See the profile template in the menus on the right side of the blog. This is a great way to let everyone know about yourself. You are welcome to answer all the questions or just some of the questions on the template. If you would like to update your profile, just resubmit a template and let me know that you want to replace the original one.

2. You a free to submit a guest post to be published on the blog. This is a "Think Tank" blog so I welcome different topics and opinion posts. Please make sure they are thoughtfully written, respectful, and spell checked. This is a blog about Wife Led Marriages (WLM), Female Lead Relationships (FLR), and Female Domination (Femdom) and so submissions need to be consistent with and in support of these topics. Submit guest posts to mzkaylee101@gmail.com

3. Please do share your thoughts in the comments section of posts. It is great to hear others experiences and opinions on the post topics. I encourage readers to share opinions and advice amongst each other as well. We have had some great discussions in the past. Please do make it a habit of not only posting new comments but also taking the time to reply to another person's comments.  Please be respectful and considerate in your comments. Different opinions are welcome (it would be very boring if we all agreed on everything), but we can disagree in a respectful way. Some of you have actually swayed my opinion in the past and helped me to see things in a different light so I do appreciate hearing both supportive and opposing opinions.

Thank you all for reading and participating!

-Mz Kaylee

 

From Submission to Devotion

It has been some time since I posted, hasn’t it? It’s been one of those moments in life for me, where everything hit at once between personal, family, and work. The dust has finally settled. I can breathe now. Phew! I am happy to be back to writing again.

It’s no secret that in those busy moments, some things must give or be put on hold. This blog was one example, and another example was some of the regular rituals and routines that were in place in my WLM. It certainly tested Thomas’s submission and he faltered a bit. If anything, our experience over the last few months reinforced with me, that many of the things I’ve shared on my blog, such as the importance of structure, discipline, and routines to reinforce your dominance/his submission, are spot on.

The good news, is that while we had some challenges, including a few arguments, we emerged from it with a stronger and improved relationship 😊. After a series of miss-steps with me, Thomas came to the realization that he had to change his mind-set from being submissive to me to being devoted to serving me. This ‘ah-ha’ moment came after a harsh punishment from me so I will take some credit for his revelation. Over the years, I had read various comments from guys expressing a high-level of devotion to their wife and I found it very admirable and sensed that there were only a small percentage of submissive men who were truly devoted to serving their wife. I was thrilled when my husband shared his revelation that he needed to be devoted to serving me.

What is Devotion in a WLM?

The devotion mind set is new to my WLM journey and so I am certainly not an expert on the topic. However, when I am faced with something new, I like to research and learn about it. A key finding from my research was gaining an understanding that when a person is devoted to something, they are dedicated to a cause that is beyond their own self-interest and serving that cause creates enthusiasm for them. In terms of WLM, I translated it to mean that the devoted husband experiences enthusiasm and pleasure from the act of serving his wife and doing whatever he can to make her happy. A devoted submissive husband does not wait to be told what to do and does not try to get away with things and avoid punishment; or in the case of my husband, wait for the punishment rather than ask for forgiveness when he knows he has done something bad. This ‘waiting to be punished’ was a problem for me.

The dedicated submissive strives to exceed his wife’s expectations and looks for every opportunity to make her life easier and uplift her with positive words. He accepts her faults without complaint. A submissive husband who matures to this state experiences fulfillment and pleasure from his devotion and by seeing his wife happy, pleasured, and pleased.

Since his confession, I have noticed a significant improvement in his servitude and a positive change in his attitude towards me. His chores are done timely and to perfection without prodding. He compliments me more, has a positive and welcoming tone when talking with me. If he slips up, he apologizes immediately. Even the smallest mistakes, ones that I may overlook, upset him and he strives to prevent them from happening again [Guys are you talking notes?]. It has been a fantastic change and has made me very happy and makes me feel special to be treated as a Goddess.

A devoted submissive is self-motivated. His motivation is driven by seeing his wife happy and pleasured as a direct result of his actions. Although there is self-motivation, incentive and encouragement from others keeps the motivation going and can propel a person’s devotion to a higher level. My control and domination over Thomas are what he enjoys and what keeps him performing to my expectations, so it is still important for me to continue to be strict and demanding with him and set high expectations for him to please me. This will keep his devotion to me high, while also ensuring that he is focused on the right things that make my life better. What I expect is that there will be less need for punishment. With less punishment, I plan to reward him for his devotion. His rewards will be exciting for him but will also be designed to encourage and promote his devotion.

Devotion Versus Submission

You can’t force someone to be devoted to you. You can certainly force them to do devotional rituals and acts of devotion, but meaningful devotions comes from within a person. As I noted earlier in this post, a devoted submissive husband is very admirable. I don’t expect that most men understand or even buy-in to the concept of devotion to their wife. My husband did not get it until his recent ‘Ah-ha’ moment. While he has been a great submissive to me in the past, there was always the expectation from him to get something in return for his servitude. That is not always a bad thing, but it highlights the difference between being a submissive husband versus being a devoted submissive husband.  As a devoted husband, he appreciates anything I give him in return, and may even hope for it, but he does not expect it.  His confession of devotion to me was recent and so the jury is still out on whether his devotion will remain strong. So far so good! I will certainly do what I can to keep it strong.  Why wouldn’t I 😊?

For many years, I have benefited greatly from having a fantastic loyal submissive husband. His submission, along with my dominance, have brought us closer together and strengthened our marriage. If you are in this situation then you are very lucky. I would be very happy and satisfied if my husband remained a great loyal submissive for the rest of our marriage. However, a devoted husband is even better! I am excited at what the future holds. I hope that the women readers of this blog can experience devotion in your marriage and I also hope that the submissive readers are lucky enough to discover the joy and fulfillment of being a devoted husband.

A Devotion Exercise

To help the guy readers to move toward being devoted, below are daily or weekly reflections for you to do, which I came across in my research (and made a few modifications and additions). What I love about these is that they are very practical and not just fantasy play.

1. List the reasons why you are grateful for your wife. On a daily or weekly basis, review the list and add to it if you think of new things.
2. Each day, identify three ways to express your gratitude and love for your wife and act on them.
3. Accept her for who she is – do not point out her mistakes; listen and do not project what she should do/be; fix mishaps and mistakes without telling her.
4. Help her pursue her passions.
5. Always yield to her.
6. Think about what you can do to make her life better and put it into practice!
7. Find ways to go above and beyond to please her.  At least once a month act on these ideas.

Stay tuned for my next post where I will share thoughts on devotion activities and rewards that I plan to do to keep his devotion strong.

-Mz Kaylee