Slave Weekends

In my last post, I discussed Goddess Weekends and introduced the concept of Slave Weekends.  In 

this post I will talk about Slave weekends and then sum it all up.  Enjoy!

Slave Weekends

Slave weekends have a much different tone than Goddess weekends.  The focus is more on him and 

not me.  He is still serving me and doing what I want, but the focus is on his submission and 

obedience to me and my control and authority over him.   I like to think of it as slave boot camp.  My tone and demeanor for the weekend is strict, commanding and authoritarian.  I don't ask him to do 

things, I tell him to do them.  During slave weekends we get a little kinky and cross over into the 

fantasy/role playing world a bit.  Much of what I reinforce with him is real but some of it is fantasy 

and mind games.  

Slave weekends are good for training.  If he is not doing chores properly or behaving in a manner that is meeting my expectations, I can spend time addressing those issues during the weekend. For 

example, once I was not satisfied with how he was putting my clothes away. He was very messy in 

how he folded them or hung them on hangers.  To correct this, I emptied out all my drawers and made him neatly fold and put everything away.  He was naked and I had a paddle in my hand to give him a spank every now and then when he was not neat enough.  I then had him empty his own drawers and refold everything.   This was all done in a strict but playful manner.   Another time I put a collar and 

leash on him.  I walked him around the house like a pet and did a house inspection with him.  I had 

his leash in one hand and a riding crop in the other.  If I liked how things looked, he got a nice pat 

and playful rub.  He received a swat or two for each thing that was out of place in the house and for 

areas that were not properly cleaned.  Let’s just say his ass was a little red by the time we were done.  His cock was hard too so I know he loved it.

On slave weekends, I will purposely be extra strict and demanding.  I will refer to him as slave, 

property, or my toy.  I may tease him about how he gets excited to wear panties and call him a girl, 

princess or slut.   This is all part of the fantasy and is done playfully.  Sometimes he is not allowed to speak all weekend unless I give him permission.  Once I took away his wallet, phone, and keys for 

the weekend so he could get the full effect of being my slave.  For dinner, I might have him kneel 

next to me while I eat and make him eat off a plate on the floor or we could go out for dinner with 

him wearing a butt plug and me doing all the ordering and paying for the check.  Again, this is a lot 

of fantasy play and done for the thrill.  

On slave weekends I will spend a lot of time playing with his cock and bringing him to the edge of 

orgasm.  I want to drive him crazy and turn his mind to mush because that brings out the submissive 

slave in him and sends him into subspace, where I can have lots of fun with him.  It is hypnotic when I stroke his cock and talk to him.  I like to whisper to him how excited I am that he is my slave and is obedient to me.  I love to paint a mental picture for him of his fate....that he will always be my slave 

or toy, or whatever I want him to be.  I will remind him that he will never ever orgasm again without my permission.  I may tease about things that could happen in the future such as never having an 

orgasm again or putting him in chastity or making him stay home 24/7 to be my servant.  This type of talk always drives him wild and pushes him into a deeper submissive state of mind.

I may have him do the body worship routine that I described for the Goddess Weekend but something else that is more fitting for slave weekend is a body inspection.  Instead of him worshiping me, I am 

inspecting him. Being inspected is a thrill for many submissive men.   I will have him stand naked.  

Often time I will even make him remove his wedding ring so that he is completely bare.  Then I 

inspect him like a piece of property.  This is where the fantasy play comes in.  I slowly circle him and trace my hands over his body.  My inspections are positive and not negative.  I will comment on how sexy his body parts are and order him to keep working out at the gym.  I may kiss his body or order 

him to bend over.  I will tell him that he is my property and I own him (he loves those words). I may kick his feet apart to make him stand wider.  I may have him hold his arms out to the side and when 

he starts to waver, order him to keep them up and straight. I will tell him to keep his eyes down and 

then later I will order him to stare straight ahead.  The point to all this is to create the dynamic that I 

am in control of him and he is to obey my every command without question and without hesitation.

I will inspect his balls to ensure they are bare and smooth for me.  If I am not satisfied he will get a 

little swat and be ordered to shave that night. I will tease his cock.  Sometimes I may squeeze out a 

bit of cum onto my fingers and make him lick or suck it off my fingers.  He will get a “good boy” for that.  The first time I read about feeding a man his own cum, I thought it was disgusting.  However, 

one time the mood struck me and I just did it. He was a bit surprised but did not resist. In fact, he 

seemed to get more aroused from it. It was a bit surreal for me and in the heat of the moment it was 

very exciting for me.  It’s hard to explain but I got real turned on from having him lick his own cum 

from my fingers.  It happens quite often now.  I’ve even spoon fed him before.  Very sexy!  

Something that I have discovered through all my reading is that many men actually fantasize about 

being forced to eat their own cum.  Who would have thought that?

During the inspection, I may put a collar on him.  It is fun and powerful to collar your man.  I will 

read the tag on the collar which says “Property of Kaylee.” Ankle and wrist cuffs could be added as 

well. I may make him step into a pair of panties or put a cock ring on him.  There are so many things that can be done.  You could inspect inside his ass with your fingers or a probe, cover his head with a hood (this makes him more like an object), or slip on gloves for the inspection.  You could trace a 

riding crop all over his body and give little slaps here and there.  I like to pinch his nipples hard and 

pull on them.  It feels powerful for me but also gives him a nice burst of pleasure.  Nipple clamps 

could also be used.

As I noted earlier, I like to have him naked for inspections.  However, one of our most memorable 

moments was when I had him dress femme for the inspection.  He put on panties, stockings, garter 

belt, and a bra. It’s very rare that I make his dress up like this (usually I just have him in panties) so 

he was already horned up just from getting ready.  When I inspected him in this state my comments 

were about how sexy his lingerie was.  I commented on how pretty, feminine, and sexy each item was as I traced my hand over the delicate fabrics.  Then I commented on how sexy and pretty he looked in the items…how sexy his legs were in stockings. I teased that if his legs were shaved, he would easily pass as a girl.  Then I hinted that maybe we would have to try that some time.  I probably would 

never make him shave his legs but it is fun to put that thought out there and let it linger in his mind as a possibility.  I did the same teasing about his cock, at how unsightly the bulge is with panties and 

that we would have to take care of that one day, maybe with a chastity device.  His cock was drippy 

so of course I had to wipe it up with my finger and bring it to his lips.  This time he got a “good girl” when he sucked on my finger.  I could not resist doing it a few more times and ordering ‘her’ to lick 

up the cum.

I also commented on how he dressed.  I pulled his panties up and told him that girls wear their panties nice and snug.  I did the same with his stockings and told him that he needed to make sure the seams were straight and the tops of the stockings were even.  I adjusted the garter straps, straightened his 

bra, all while making comments on the proper way for girls to dress.  When everything was straight 

and in order, I told him that’s how a princess should look and in the future I expected him to make 

sure he dressed properly for me.   All during the process, I used terms like princess, pretty, feminine, girl, soft, and sexy. This whole process really did a number on him. He was totally lost in subspace.  He dropped into a quiet, shy and passive mode.  It’s hard to describe but it was a real turn on for both of us.   This was all fantasy fun.  I have no desire to fully feminize Thomas.  It is just fun to role play it once in a while.

Sex during slave weekend is mostly him doing oral on me.  He is way too horned up for me to try 

regular sex. I’d have to stop every few seconds to keep him from cumming. Lol! I tend to be a little 

more aggressive with sex on these weekends.  I may order him to do certain things or physically force his head or hands towards my sexual areas.  I will queen him or have him kneel between my legs and squeeze my thighs around his head.     If I get in real dominant mode, I may push him away forcefully and then order him back between my legs.  Such fun!

Slave weekends are good time to try new kinky things. With all the fun, our inhibitions tend to run a bit freer than usual and so it becomes easier to explore new things and maybe even push limits a bit.  Thomas absolutely loves these weekends because they play right into his submissive fantasies.  I plan the slave weekend and whenever I announce one, his eyes light up with excitement. He is like a little kid.  Sometimes I announce them well in advance just to get him riled up and thinking about it for 

several weeks.  Slave weekends tend to overlap into the week.  It’s almost like we get a little high on 

it and we need a few days to slowly come down.   During the week after I will be a little more 

dominant than typical and Thomas will still be in a deeper submissive state. It is a nice side effect.

We plan Goddess and Slave weekends several times throughout the year. For those of you who are 

younger and have no kids, you may not need to do this because you have the time to spend together.  However, a common problem with couples when they get older and busier with life, is that they 

spend less quality time together. Planning these types of weekends helps keep the relationship fresh, 

exciting, and fun.  From the FLR perspective it helps reset and re-energize the FLR dynamic. Some 

of our best and most memorable moments are from Goddess and Slave weekends. 

I hope this gives you ideas that you can use in your own relationship. I would love to hear if others 

do similar things.

-Mz Kaylee

Goddess and Slave Weekends

It's been a busy few months for me.  What’s good  is that it is fun things like vacation, weekend
activities with friends and family, and running the kids to different activities.  Being out of the house
is great, but it does interrupt the normal routines.  One of them for me is writing this blog, which I am trying to get back into.  Another interruption is the intimate times with my husband. We have been
having lots of fun together but there has not been as much quiet and intimate time together and I miss that.  Something that we do in our relationship to help ensure that we spend quality time together and not get caught up in the every day life, is to plan Goddess weekends and Slave weekends.  I guess
you could say these are similar to planning date nights (we do that too) but these weekends are much more....intense than a date night.  I will elaborate below.

Goddess Weekends

The focus of these weekends is me because, yes, I am a Goddess.:)   On these weekends my
husband's sole purpose is to pamper me and treat me like a Goddess.  His mind set is of worshiping
me as a Goddess and my mindset is that of a Goddess or Princess who expects to be worshiped,
pampered, and served.  It is quite easy for me to slip into that mind set.:) Examples of things that he will do on Goddess weekends include buying me flowers, giving me a bath, shaving my legs, taking me to get my nails done, massages, brushing my hair, and running errands for me or with me. I've
thought about having him paint my nails or even doing some of my makeup but have not ventured
there yet.  I am not sure if I trust him with that.

Breakfast in bed is another favorite of mine.   In the evening we will usually go out to dinner together or plan some other fun activity with just the two of us. He is basically catering to my every whim (It
is so wonderful!).   On Goddess weekends, I do not spend much time at all teasing him unless I am in the mood.  An orgasm for him is not even a thought, although on a rare occasion it might happen.
However, he will spend a lot of time pleasuring me and giving me orgasms.

Something fun that I have him do every once in awhile is a body worship ritual.  He will be naked or in panties.  I dress in a short night gown or comfortable lingerie. He will start kneeling at my feet and I will order him to worship my foot.  He will kiss it and say "I love you," kiss it again and say "I
worship you," kiss it again and say "I obey you."  Then I will point to the other foot and he will
repeat this ritual.  I will have him do this all over my body.  I will adjust my night gown as needed to give him access to my body.  I may end up naked but I do find it fun and sexy to uncover and
recover my body parts with the night gown as he worships me.   He will kiss and repeat the words for the front and back of my legs, thighs, pussy, back, shoulders, ass cheeks, in between my ass cheeks,
and neck.  It’s also fun to make him worship my armpits.   About half way through I will change the words and make him say in between kisses "Your are my Goddess," "I am your slave," "I obey you."  It is a lot of fun when you get into it.  I will make sure he is hard the whole time, which does not take much encouragement at all.  If his cock/balls are within reach, I may hold them firmly while he
performs his worship and I will reaffirm his worship by saying things like "yes," "that's right," or
"good boy."  I may make him worship my ass several times, telling him how I know a slave like him
loves worshiping my Goddess ass.  I may order him to lick at times instead of kiss. We could easily
spend a 1/2 hour on this body ritual.  It is a lot of fun for both of us.

Goddess weekends are planned in advance.  Ideally it is a weekend where we have nothing else
planned.  However, with our busy schedules ,that may not be possible and so there are many times
where we work it around activities and events (which sometimes can add an element of fun). Our
kids are older so we are lucky enough that we can leave them alone and go out for a few hours. I let
him do all the planning for the weekend. Being the leader in the relationship does not mean you have to plan everything.  This is a time where I can sit back and just enjoy.  I do require him to write up his plans for the weekend in advance for my review.  I like to review it at least a day in advance while he is massaging my feet or kneeling before me.  Then I can give him my input or changes.  He is good at planning so most of the time I accept what he submits.  If there is a specific errand I need done, I will write it in.  I will also give direction on what he is to wear for the weekend - usually panties that
match mine and I may require him to wear a cock ring.  I've also tied a pretty pink ribbon around the base of his cock to remind him of his obedience to me.  The plan is always subject to change by me.  As the weekend progresses I may decide  to do something different and he just goes with it.

Goddess weekends are fun for both of us.  One may think that I am the one who gets all the benefit. It certainly is wonderful to be treated like a Goddess or Princess.  It is one of the best perks of being the leader in the relationship. I will not argue that.  However, there is also a thrill in it for the husband.
The submissive man is excited to serve his wife this way. To server her and treat her like a Goddess,
and be viewed as her servant, is a huge thrill for most submissive men. Trust me, they will love it.  I
know Thomas looks forward to these weekends.  When you think about it, the Goddess weekend
plays into the natural dynamics of the relationship between men and women.  It is not much different than when a man is courting a woman.  He will treat her like a queen and do everything possible to
impress her and win her over.  This happens all the time during dating and early in a relationship. 
Unfortunately for most people, as the relationship continues, the need to impress goes away and there are no more flowers, and less and less spontaneous activities to keep the relationship fresh.  I find that Goddess weekends help bring back that excitement and fun that you experience during dating.

Slave weekends are much different than Goddess weekends.  There is a whole different focus and
tone. I will write about slave weekends in my next blog.

-Mz Kaylee

Been Away and Annonymous Posting

I have been away for a few weeks and it has taken me awhile to get caught up with things at home and get back to posting.  I hope to have a new post up soon. I am glad to see there were comments and conversation on the posts while I was away. Sometimes, the best information comes from the discussion in the comments and not within the posts themselves. I appreciate the few people who nudged me to post more. I may need that every now and then.

I have a request for those posting comments - please end your comment with a name or initials.  I understand the reasons to post anonymous and have no issue with it.  The name you give does not have to be real so you can still be anonymous.  Having a name, helps with the continuity of the conversation.  It helps me understand if several comments are from the same person or is it all different people.  It also helps to understand if the person is male or female. By understanding these things, I can write more meaningful responses.

-Kaylee

Petting The Dog

So I am going to have al little fun with this post.  I was corresponding with someone about how we love to tease our guys and how they love it to.  Through the discussion it occurred to me that teasing a man is a lot like petting a dog.  Think about a dog.  When you pet a dog, he is your best friend.  His tail wags, he sits by your side and is happy.  I swear my dog gets this look on his face like "oh yeah...that's good." There is nothing the dog cares about at that moment other than enjoying you petting him. Have you ever been to someone's house where you pet the dog and now the dog won't leave you alone.  He will sit by your side as long as you pet him and if you stop petting him, he will look at you like, "I want more," and nudge you with his nose.  If the dog knows you are someone that always pets him, he is going to come back for more and more.

Now translate that to teasing your man.  When I am stroking Thomas's cock he is still and focused on nothing but the pleasure I am giving him.  He could lay or stand by me all day while I stroke him. If I do a long steady tease with him, it actually relaxes him and is even hypnotic.  If he had a tail, it would be wagging.  He always wants more.  When I stop and tell him to put it away, he gets this look of disappointment. Often times he even begs me for more.  Such a cute doggie! Since I tease him almost daily, even if it is just for a minute or two, he is always on the lookout for a little tease.  Sometimes I can tell he is hanging around me in hopes to get a little rub.  If I do bite and give him a rub, he gets this wonderful look of satisfaction on his face.  Like that little joy you get when biting into a delicious piece of chocolate.

And just like a dog, Thomas is so obedient for me.  After a little rubbing, I could give him an order and he will follow.  "Sit," "roll-over." Ha!-Ha!! No, it's more like "Run to the store and pick up milk," or "My car needs to be washed." He will run off happily and obey.

-Mz Kaylee

Hmmmm - How Big Is It (Written by Mary)

I am thrilled to have this post from a guest author, Mary.  It has always been my vision to have others contribute to this blog so that you as the readers get a great mix of topics and viewpoints.  Mary has stumbled across a fun "little thing" that hits a submissive chord within her husband.  It's great when you can uncover these things about your partner because it adds fun and excitement to the relationship.  Knowing how to push his submissive buttons also strengthens your authority over him and trust me..submissive men love to have these buttons pushed.  A big thanks to Mary for contributing. Enjoy...  

Hmmmm - How Big Is It

 

I have to confess - I feel I literally stumbled across the the topic of "penis size" as it relates to female dominant or female led marriages/relationships.  I am no expert and what I relate here is only my experience.  It may or may not relate to what others have run into.  I have not thought this all the way through....at all.  I thought that I could write enough to provide stimulus for

the thoughts and wisdom of others. I hope I don't offend.

 

First let me say that my own interest in this "little issue" ultimately relates to connection.  For me that is my main interest in being in and exploring female led marriage.  My sense is that it can offer an incredibly deep and special connection that can sometimes wane in long term relations.  To me good relations include "vulnerability" and I expect this "little issue" certainly relates to that.

First an "intro" - I expect there is hardly a sole alive who has not considered the topic of "penis size" - some care more, some care less but I think it does run across most persons minds at some point.  Certainly the ladies but maybe even more so - guys, some who have confessed to me that they thought about it very early on in life.

Even before I began to explore a female led marriage more explicitly I was no doubt a bit of a tease and pretty dominant with guys - even before marriage.  That is just how I always was.  I sort of liked to "use my feminine power" I guess.  I think it was in this context I came across the issue of "small penis teasing".  In truth my husband is not the "most endowed fellow on the planet"  (just saying) and in my naturally flirty manner I guess I pointed this out - um, more than once.  

The first couple of times it was sort of "innocent" (well...sort of).  I recall one of the very first times seeing his penis and saying "Awwww, it's so sweet".  I think at the time it was more of a natural response and I was not fully realizing that a man would prefer to hear "Oh wow, honey, aren't you huge"!  I was having for me a natural response and the word "sweet" just came to mind and lips.  However I quickly noticed I got something of a "quiet response" - really a totally quiet and submissive sort of "non response".  Not until the second or third time did I really realize that he had a "reaction" and a very powerful one to being teased in this way.

I  bounced around the internet and found some things on the subject of "male endowment".  Some of it was silly and pornographic but a few other things were of interest.  I began to experiment more.  Some of this was not nearly as "pre-meditative" as it sounds - more just me being a bit, well teasing.  Once at a dinner my husband (then fiance) was "asserting" his opinion on something (it was what movie to see) a bit more than I would like.  I softly said to him in a sort of "teacher tone" -

"Are we forgetting how big we are not"?  He knew exactly what I was referring to and got a lovely "quiet" to him.  That time I clearly saw it.  I let it sink in a moment and then said "That's much better".  

I have found other ways to tease him on this.  I think it is a mixture of excitement (after all his wife is talking about his penis which he loves) but also a sort of anxious tension in that I am pointing out who (no he) is in charge.  It has increasingly become somewhat of a game for me.  I know he feels way vulnerable and very, very submissive when I bring this up.  He is submissive so I think in a sense he likes to feel these feelings.  The other day I fondled him somewhat out of the blue (something I do from time to time) and said "Oh, sweetheart, you feel especially small today".  I don't know what the trigger is but not much later he was virtually begging to be allowed to give me oral sex.  Maybe it is the submissive mans desire to please?  I wonder if when I indicate one "part" of him is not so manly his drive to be "of service" in other areas goes through the roof.  I don't understand it but my experience is real.

Recently I have been "on the hunt" for new ways to tease him around this.  Sometimes he tries to "play it off" like he does not notice it or does not have a reaction.  But the other day he (weakly) asked "You would not tell any of your girlfriends about it would you"?  I think he is torn - I think he is terrified of that but I also think there is some part of him that almost wants me to tell one of my girls!   I have even looked at actors on TV and wondered (out loud) "Honey how much bigger do you think he is than you......if you were just guessing"?

Now that I have found this "button" I am on the hunt for additional manners of teasing him.  I find it draws us close. I cannot explain that entirely.  I really cannot.  It seems to give him a sort of "freeze response".  All of a sudden he is "under me", quiet, submissive.  Though he can be dominant out in the World I truly do not believe it is how he naturally can be with me.  There is something in this endowment business that speaks to that.  Not sure was all super endowed and dominant but then our relationship would not be as it is if that were so!  

I'd love to hear thoughts on this.  Hoping I don't get judged too harshly.

-Mary

Tapping Into His Submissive Mind - Orgasm Control

As noted in my last post, I would like to share some ideas and techniques for tapping into the male submissive mind.  My hope is that both women who are starting out in a FLR and those who are well into a FLR find something useful in my writing and apply it in their relationship.  When starting out in a FLR there are so many options to consider and it is often challenging for the woman to make sense of everything and figure out what to do.  For women who start to figure it out and successfully move forward with a FLR, the challenge becomes keeping the FLR going strong and keeping him obedient and disciplined without having the work effort consume all your time.  It seems that there is a ton of blogs and articles on how to get started in a FLR but I don't see much writing on the maintaining the FLR or advanced FLR techniques.  I hope to fill that gap with my blog.

The starting point for this discussion was easy for me to figure out and probably no surprise to many of you.  The best place I thought to start this discussion was with orgasm denial or what I think is more appropriately termed for a FLR, orgasm control and management.  With orgasm control your are not just denying him orgasm; you are taking control of when and how he can orgasm.  For simplicity sake, I will refer to it as Orgasm Control (OC) in my writing. 

 OC is the obvious staring point for discussion because most couples in a FLR incorporate some form of OC in their relationship and it becomes a core component of the relationship. If you are familiar with OC, please bear with me while I bring others up to speed. OC is the concept of the wife taking control and ownership of the man's orgasm.  She determines when and how he orgasms.  He must have her permission to orgasm.  This means no masturbating for him unless she allows it. Typically the husband is regularly denied orgasm and given permission to orgasm on an infrequent basis.  The time frame between orgasms is up to her and varies greatly by couples.  For some people it is days, for others it is weeks, and some even go months without orgasm.  Usually what happens is in the beginning it is just days and then overtime as the couple experiments with it and the man builds up a tolerance, the time frame becomes longer.  With my husband, Thomas, I like to vary the time frame to keep him guessing.  He typically goes 6 - 8 weeks without an orgasm.  Some times it will be shorter and sometimes I will make him go even longer.

Orgasm denial is one of those concepts that seem bizarre or just does not make sense on the surface.  It is easy for a wife to feel confused if her husband proposes the idea.  A woman may even feel there is something wrong with her if her husband does not want to have an orgasm.  These are all natural feelings and that is why it is important for the husband to help his wife understand the reasoning for wanting to be denied. 

If it is being approached from the opposite direction in which the wife is wanting to enforce OC on her husband, it is an equally sensitive topic.  It usually requires the wife to take it slow and even seduce or slowly rationalize her husband into trying it.  Once he begins to experience it, he often becomes hooked and even addicted to OC.  There is a lot of information about this on the Internet so I will leave that up to you to research if  you want to know more on how to introduce your husband to OC.  What I would like to discuss is the dynamics behind OC and why it is a powerful tool in the FLR.

It is important to understand that OC is not just about denying him orgasms. If you took the extreme and just ignored your husband's sexual desires and did not allow him to orgasm, it accomplishes nothing.  In fact it would probably create resentment with him. It would be no different than a vanilla marriage in which there is no sex.  We all know this scenario usually ends with an affair.  This certainly is not the goal of OC.  OC involves taking active control and ownership of his orgasms.  You are still engaging in sexual play with him, but he is not permitted orgasm without your permission. Thomas is never....let me repeat, never allowed to have an orgasm without my permission.  He must always ask for permission before having an orgasm, even if we are in the heat of the moment. He has also been trained to not expect an orgasm.  He will ask, but he knows the answer will most likely be no so he must always be planning to restrain himself from orgasm.  If he has an accident, he will be held accountable and will be punished.  If I find out he masturbated, you better believe he will be punished and it will be a very unpleasant punishment.  He understands these consequences. 

There are two key benefits to OC.  The first is maintaining his sexual energy and interest in you.  It is well known that the minute a man has an orgasm, his sexual energy diminishes significantly, he becomes tired, and he loses interest in the woman.  The loss of interest and sexual energy can even last for days.  By limiting his orgasms, a woman can keep his sexual energy high on a regular basis.  If he is denied orgasm during sexual play, she can assure that her needs are completely attended to and even expect continued attention and pampering afterward.  It truly is wonderful.

The second major benefit is that it establishes the wife's authority over him and puts her at the center of his focus.  The woman becomes the gatekeeper for his orgasms.  Men are highly sexual creatures and are constantly wanting to orgasm. The only way to get an orgasm now is through the wife.  He knows that he must be on his best behavior and please her in order for her to ultimately give him permission to orgasm.  This forces all his energies to be focused on her.  Prior to OC he could turn to porn and masturbation for release but now he must focus on pleasing her to get release. 

Remember in my last post when I noted that men thing about sext several times an hour?  Well now when he thinks about sex, he is going to be thinking about how to please his wife in order to get release.  One of the most fascinating confessions from Thomas was about how his sexual daydreams changed as a result of my control over him and his orgasms.  Previously, when he daydreamed or thought about sext 2 - 3 times an hour, he would mostly fantasize about situations with other women (yes, men do this.  Do not take is personally.  It's just how their brains are wired). Once OC was in place his fantasies evolved around me and he began to day dream about different scenarios of me teasing him and different things I would "force" him to do in order to earn an orgasm.  Wow!  What a confession and what a significant change. He basically admitted that he was thinking about me all day.  I became the center of his focus and these daydreams fueled his desire to be obedient to me even more.  It was a confession I will never forget and one that helped build my confidence in being the dominant partner.

Establishing OC in a relationship is a HUGE step for the woman in creating real power and authority over her husband. At first it may seem like fantasy but over time the dynamic establishes real power and authority. Once you've established OC, you have tremendous leverage and power over him that can be used to influence and motivate him.The first week Thomas and I experimented with OC, we were like horny little teenagers.  I think I teased and denied him every night, while making him give me orgasms.  It was a ton of fun for both of us and it really drove him wild.  Let's just say I really enjoyed this new power and he loved all the attention he was getting from me.  I had no clue what I was getting into.  At that time for me, it was just kinky fun and fantasy play. However, once we started with OC, we always kept the rule in place that I was in charge of his orgasm. For Thomas this was a new reality and forced him to come to me when he was horny and I think I was surprised that he actually did it and stuck with it.  In a matter of weeks, I began to realize I had a real authority over him and that it was more than just fantasy.  Fast forward to today, and it is an integral and natural part of our lifestyle.  

While this may be a power move for the woman, when done right, it also becomes a fantasy come true for the man.  Yes, believe it or not, most men love OC.  It is a win-win scenario for the relationship.  For many submissive men, just the idea or thought of you owning their orgasm is a thrill because they love the power dynamic and the feeling of being controlled and owned.  To drive Thomas wild, all I have to do is spend a few minutes telling him how I own him, I own his orgasm, and I can decide whether or not he'll ever be allowed to orgasm again.  I don't even have to touch him.  This kind of talk will get him all horned up.  He is so weak. lol.  Now when you combine OC with sexual play and lost of teasing of his cock or even using it to exert control over your husband, that's what drive men wild.

I recommend teasing your man regularly and bringing him to the brink of orgasm often.  I try to bring Thomas to an erection daily and bring him to the brink of orgasm a few times a week.  Don't worry, it really is not hard work. When you are practicing OC, he is always horny and so getting him hard is as easy as walking up to him in the middle of the day and rubbing his crotch for a minute or two (or less!). The purpose of this is to ensure that his OC is pleasurable so that he stays interested in OC and also focused on you.  He now knows that not only do you control his orgasms, but you also provide him with pleasure.  You may even find that he tries to spend more time with you or near you in hopes of getting a little rub.  I've notice this with Thomas. It really is cute and I love it.  So now instead of turning to porn for pleasure, he is conditioned to come to you and try to please you in order to get pleasure.

Now here is the interesting things with men (most men). Their arousal just seems to build and build. With OC and continued teasing, they can be in a continuous state of arousal.  This means high energy and more focus on you. Thomas always tells me that he is perpetually aroused and he loves it.  I have read several accounts where men admitted that the longer they were denied, the weaker their will power became and the more they wanted to please their wife.  Through continued denial and teasing it is as if their mind slowly turns to mush.  Some men even admit that their thoughts become more perverted as their arousal builds over time.  That's when you get the, "Ill do anything you want" response.  Think of all the possibilities ladies???

I do notice with Thomas, that when he is highly aroused or has been denied for a long period of time, he becomes somewhat obsessed with submission and sexual thoughts.  That's usually when I get notes from him confessing his desire to serve me and be obedient to me and even wanting to worship me. This is clear proof of how powerful OC can be.  It drives a deep submissive state of mind for Thomas and a desire to obey me. 

Now with some men, long-term denial causes stress and anxiety.  It is important to monitor this and respond accordingly. If you notice this anxiety, then it probably is time to allow him to orgasm.  Not all men react positively to OC and some men can not handle long-term denial. You need to adapt to your situation.  When Thomas starts to get very annoying and needy, I know it is time to allow an orgasm.

One note of caution, is that even with OC, you should still allow for recovery time after an orgasm.  In fact your man may crash even harder after an orgasm if he has been denied orgasm for a long period of time.  This is just the natural biological response of the male body and you need to allow for it.  When Thomas has an orgasm, there is usually a day or two afterward in which I keep a bit of a distance from him to allow him to recoup and reenergize.  Of course, there is a solution for that to.  Ruined orgasms are a great way to avoid the post-orgasm crash but that is a topic for another day.....

I will end with one final thought.  The great thing about orgasm control for the man is that even though he is being denied orgasms, the sexual attention and activity from his wife is much higher than before OC.  With OC, men experience the intense thrill of teasing and arousal and this becomes more exciting than the orgasm itself.  I would say the man under OC has a much better sex life and is happier than the man who is not under OC.

-MzKaylee.

Tapping Into His Submission

The submissive mind is complex and not always easy to understand. Trying to make sense of submission can be challenging and even frustrating at times. If you have been lucky enough to have your husband confess his desire to be submissive, then I am sure you've experienced an emotional ride as you've tried to make sense of it all.  It is a wonderful thing so I keep at it!

I believe that most men don't even understand the dynamics of their own submission.  Countless submissive men are seeking to satisfy their submissive desires through online relationships or even visiting a dominatrix. It is no secret that a dominatrix clientele is mostly married men and I am sure there is no shortage of married men seeking out femdom online. Deep in my heart, I believe that many of these men love their wives and do not want to hurt them. So why are they doing this? In submissive men in particular, there is a strong nagging need to have their submissive desires met.  When this desire it not met at home, they seek it somewhere else. To understand this concept even more, I recommend reading the Femdom101 blog by Kathy. She has first hand experience with this with her husband and has done a tremendous job at sharing her experience and thoughts on this. She has such an amazing and understanding view point.

The problem with these online or dominatrix relationships, is they are strictly kink based.  It is not a true relationship.  Love does not exist.  It becomes kinky fun but when it is over, there is nothing.  There is no fulfillment for the guy and so he keeps seeking more and more kink, only to experience short-term gratification. It is also very easy for a guy to be taken advantage of in these situations. How much money is he going to spend to chasing his desires?

One would think with such a strong desire, the husband would bring the topic up to his wife.  That is a bit of a mystery to me. I suspect it has to do with embarrassment and fear of rejection.  If the wife rejects the idea, then what happens?  He is shit out of luck.  Perhaps some of the male readers can share their thoughts on this. If you are a guy with these desires and have not told your wife, why have you not brought the topic up?

I certainly do not condone a married many seeking out these online relationship or visiting a dominatrix.  It obviously is not fair to the wife.  It takes away his focus on her.  How much energy is he spending online which is energy that should be focused on her and his marriage? How much money is he spending on it, which is really money that should be used for more productive things?  As he becomes more consumed with online relationships or porn, the chances are greater that  communication and intimacy with his wife are breaking down.

If we as wives, understand the submissive dynamic, not only can we satisfy his desires, we can also direct his submissive desires toward more productive things. While the submissive dynamic is complex, it can be understood.  Submissive desires vary for each man, but I believe there are many common underlying themes.  There are many techniques, strategies, and tools that can be used to keep him satisfied and happy, as well as an obedient husband to you.  It is important to employ these techniques regularly and not neglect his submissive desires. Often times, I think women in FLRs become complacent over time.  Similar to a traditional marriage, a FLR can become too routine.  As leaders of the relationship, we need to ensure this does not happen.  We need to stoke the fire a bit every now and blow his mind, if you know what I mean.  This keeps the marriage fun and interesting while also strengthening his obedience to you.

I first dabbled with the idea of FLR some 15 years ago with my husband.  I did not know it at the time, but it was going to be a wonderful journey with a lot of twists and turns and ups and downs.  Somewhere along that journey I became fascinated with the dynamics and psychological aspects of femdom and the submissive mind.  That fascination made me want to learn and learn as much as possible and I had fun trying things out with Thomas.  Lucky him!  Through all this experience and learning, I've develop a pretty good understanding of the submissive mind and how men think and react to various types of control and kink.  In my next few blogs, I will begin to share some of the things I have learned.

-Mz Kaylee