A Maintenance Spanking Example

I received the below e-mail from caliBob in response to my last post. It was too long for comments so I am posting it here. In his response, he describes his weekly review sessions with his wife, which also includes maintenance spanking. It is wonderful to read about how others are using discipline or review sessions. I also enjoyed hearing about the Journey Bible that he described in his response. Thank you calibob for sharing your personal experiences and thoughts. This is a great example of putting ideas to practice and I hope it inspires others to do the same.  -Mz KAylee.

Thank you Mz Kaylee for a very insightful “Motivating your Husband” post, at least insightful as it pertains my wife, to me, and our WLM.

I printed out your post so we could read it together during our Monday night “Review Session” this week.  We try to sit down together every Monday evening to review my successes and failures during the week.  We begin by me reading through what we call our Journey Bible.  It is nothing more than a list of promises I have made to her, and to myself, that I try to live up to each day.  The promises are listed under four heading, Love, Honor, Service and Obey.  After reviewing through each portion of the Journey Bible we have a discussion of how she felt the week went, and I have a chance to add my thoughts as well.  This time together is so important to us.  Our communication has never been better, largely because we instituted review sessions into our lives. 

After we have discussed my attitude, voice and overall demeanor over the previous week we often have a discussion about FLR/WLM based either from books I have bought or from blogposts such as yours.  This gives us ideas to advance our WLM and often validates things we are doing in ours.   My wife and I both value your posts highly, and as my wife commented this week, she is particularly encouraged by reading another couples real life practice of dominance and submission.  She sees a lot of me in your writings about Thomas, and I can only hope she is inspired by you and will push herself to be more forward with her dominant voice and actions.

 In addition to Review, for the past year or so, she has added a “maintenance” time after review.  Maintenance requires me to prepare our bedroom for me to be maintenance spanked.  She sends me to our room and gives me a few minutes to prepare.  The routine is like this:  I set out all of her various spanking implements, two tawses (long and short), two short paddles (one wood, one leather) one long rubber strap paddle, one riding crop, and one long heavy plastic paddle with air holes).  These are set on the dresser along side her long handled bath brush that is always sitting on the dresser.  Her Bath Brush is her punishment implement, and she does not use it in a maintenance session.   I place a large king size pillow on the bed (covered by a towel, as she will have me lay on it to elevate my butt into the air.  She likes the presentation, the angle for swatting and she wants no messes on her bedding from uncontrolled leaking).  I then completely disrobe, neatly folding my clothes, and kneel with knees separated, at the end of the bed, clasping my hands behind my back.  She wants me kneeling on my heels, sitting tall, chest out, head up, as if she wants me to be a proud submissive.  She may take her time to come into the room, or she may come quickly, I never know.  I must be prepared and ready by the time she gets to the room.  Typically, she selects and uses four of her spanking implements, ranging her swats from 14 to 20 for each one she chooses.  If, during review she has determined that I have had a bad week, she may add punishment swats with her Bath Brush after maintenance.  The number of punishing swats vary depending on the infraction, but they differ significantly in their impact, and I do not like being on my side of that paddle. 

We both have found that maintenance is something we both enjoy.  She likes it because she feels empowered by my submission to her, and she tells me that she knows my submission is sincere because of the redness in my ass cheeks.  She likes that she has gotten better at utilizing her tools, understanding each one and their effectiveness in getting my attention.  She has had me “rate” each one, and “rate” the force of impact she gives as well.  So, she is truly learning.  We had to take about a month off due to some medical issues, and I know she really missed it from her side.

I, too missed it.  Like our weekly “Review Session”, it is one of times when I feel most submissive.  During Review I have promised to never refute or argue about what my wife has to say to me about my behavior or voice.  If she has an issue with something I have said or done I feel like it is my job to see the issue from her point of view first.  There has never been a time that, when I look at an issue using her viewpoint, that I don’t see the error of my ways.  This is quite humbling.  “Maintenance” is also quite humbling.  As a professed submissive to my wife, being told to set up for a paddling, to strip, to kneel, to present my ass for a spanking is very humbling.  And, strangely enough I like it.

So, we read your latest post and discussed it at length last Monday.  I expressed my desire to be pushed harder on my submission, and that using some of the ideas presented by you would be a good start.  Since Monday she has been more in tune with her comments, her touches, her wants and needs.  I told her that I feel different when I do chores because she requested me to do them, than if I just do them because it is what I do.  I asked her to use her voice more.  We agreed that she will ask me what my plans are for the day, and in the evening, she will ask me what it is I did while she was at work.  She told me she no longer wants me to just do things and wait for her to notice, she wants to be told what was done.  She has taken it upon herself to be more forward with me on my body.  Since Monday, she has touched me sensually and groped me wantonly, just for quick teases.  I tell her, “Thank you Ma’am”, and smile.  It surprises and is somewhat off putting when she does these quick teases, but I like that she is taking liberties with me at unusual times and places. 

My reply has ended up a bit long winded, and I apologize for that.  Again, thank you for a very meaningful post.  It was like an arrow launched directly at us.  It reminded me that I must work to not interfere with her leading, and it reminded her that leading requires some work.  But it also showed us that from both sides that work can be fun and enjoyable, as well as beneficial and rewarding for both Dom and sub. 

 

My best,  Calibo

Motivating Your Husband

It is our responsibility as the leaders in the relationship to motivate (and train) our husbands to perform to our expectations and behave in a positive manner with a positive attitude. I know some of you are thinking that a submissive should be self motivated to do these things. That would be ideal but let's face it, that is not reality for most people and even those that are self motivated need some reassurance and encouragement every now and then.

If you want to get the most of your Wife Led Marriage (WLM) or Female Led Relationship (FLR) then you need to invest time, on an ongoing basis, into leading and motivating your husband. The good news is that the time you invest will pay off in dividends to you. When he is properly motivated, you can live like a Princess or Goddess. My husband is properly motivated and I do live like a Goddess and it is fabulous! Think of it this way: Instead of spending your time doing chores and things that you do not enjoy doing, you spend a fraction of that time motivating him to do those things for you. Then you get a lot more free time on your hands and you have him pampering and serving you 24/7. In the end you are living a higher standard of life while, he is living his submissive dream. It is a perfect harmony when everything fall into place. Sounds too good to be true but I can attest that with a little commitment and time from you, it can happen!

To motivate your husband to obey and serve you, focus on the positive and not the negative. A mistake newcomers often make is that they focus on punishing to get good behavior. Guys are often to blame for this approach because that's what they think they want and then they persuade their wife into taking the approach. A submissive guy gets very excited and aroused when he is being controlled by a women and under her power. A wife is exerting a high level of power and control when she punishes her husband and when he yields to her punishment it is a clear sign of submission and as strange as it may seem, that extreme power exchange is a thrill for submissive men. When you understand this, it is not surprising that men seek out punishment or think they want to be in a relationship that is highly driven by punishment. In their silly minds, being punished and yelled at is the only way they know how to experience submissive pleasure. They are wrong!

For a marriage or serious relationship, the punishment approach does not make sense because it encourages the husband to be bad in order to get pleasure from a punishment or it results in the wife looking for ways to punish her husband, which contradicts the idea of a loving relationship. It is also easy for women new to the lifestyle to fall into the trap of punishing their husband in a way that is not really a punishment. For example, if the husband gets a thrill out of being spanked, then a spanking is not a punishment. A punishment should be unpleasant and a deterrent to bad behavior. It is ok if he gets aroused from being punished (for the reason I noted above) but the punishment itself should not be something he enjoys. Punishment should be used for bad behavior, not small corrections r fr his plessure. If your husband is a good submissive then punishments should be rare. The end goal in a WLM/FLR is to train and mold your husband into someone who happily serves you according to your expectations and who rarely needs punishment.

Perhaps some of the guys right now are nervous about what they have read so far because they enjoy that power exchange that occurs during punishment, even if it is not a true punishment. Fear not guys, for the power exchange can still be achieved and in a much more positive dynamic. Rather than focusing on punishment, a wife should focus on rewarding and encouraging her husband to behave in a manner that she desires. She can do this while still being strict and exerting power and authority.  There are several ways to do this, which I explain below.

Regular Discipline Sessions
In my opinion, conducting regular discipline sessions is the most effective tool for motivating your husband because the sessions not only motivate him but they provider clear feedback and direction for him to continue to serve you the way you want him to. Discipline sessions are not meant to be a bad thing or a punishment. A punishment can be issued as part of a discipline session if warranted but the overall purpose of a discipline session is to provide training and/or positive and constructive feedback. A discipline session is a great example of how the wife can exert power and control in a positive way. For example, taking your husband over your knee to spank him is very powerful and puts him in a submissive and vulnerable position that for many men is very exciting. If he has been good, then the spanking can be more playful with a few firm swats to reinforce important items. Some people refer to these as maintenance spankings. I don't do these as often as I used to but when I did regular spankings with my husband his cock was always hard when I took him across my knee.

Discipline session do not have to be spankings. What I described above is just an example of how it can be done. I currently have a weekly ritual, that is a form of a discipline session. Each week he kneels before me and we discuss his behavior for the week and then he spends time in the corner. It can be hard to commit to weekly sessions but if you can it is very effective at keeping your husband motivated and doing good. I recommend at a minimum that you conduct discipline or review sessions on a monthly basis. This is a technique that will significantly improve your WLM/FLR and is well worth your time.

The Quick Tease
This is a fun and easy way to motivate. If he is doing something good, such as vacuuming the room without being told, while he is doing it, give him a little cock tease through his pants and tell him how pleased you are at what he is doing or simply say "good boy." I like to tease Thomas until I start to feel him getting hard and them I stop. Sometimes I will tease a little longer to let him enjoy the pleasure. I use the quick tease technique in bed also. When we are lying in bed I will reach over and start to tease his cock. Once he is hard, I will tease him for a few more minutes and tell him how I am pleased with his behavior and tell him to keep it up. These short bedroom teases are like petting a cat. I can almost hear him purr with comfort as I am petting him. lol!  

I use the quick tease technique very frequently. Thomas enjoys the teases and they make his chores more enjoyable.They also help to keep him in a state of constant arousal. Submissive guys are at their best when they are in this state.

Playing into his fetish and fantasies
If he has been a good boy for you, then why not reward him by indulging in one of his fetishes or fantasies. For most submissive guys there are so many fantasies to choose from. With my husband, just about anything that smells of domination or kink drives him wild. I've come to realize he is quite the "pervy" slut. I can literally order him to worship my ass with his tongue and he will love it.  So a reward from me might go something like this:

"Thank you for washing my car today. Since you did such a nice job, I will allow you to worship my feet. Strip naked, get on your knees and start licking!" 

Or something like this:  "you've done a great job keeping up with your chores this month. I want you to go shopping and treat yourself to a few new pairs of panties. You can model them for me tonight."

I love the irony of the last one. It is quite a mind game for him to be rewarded with something that is so embarrassing. A new pair of pretty panties as a reward for a guy. Pretty funny! 

It's been my experience that the deeper you delve into a fetish or kink, the greater it motivates him. When I plan a night or weekend that is centered around his fetish or fantasy and really get into the 'role play' and domination it turns into a very intimate and bonding experience for us and for the next few days or weeks his submission and obedience to me is extremely high. These moments are also very memorable and I believe leave a lasting impression on him that deepens his submission to me. Many couples do not explore kinky activities and say it is not needed. It is true that it is not needed in order to have a successful WLM/FLR but I think you are missing out on incredible experiences and memories if you don't give it a try every now and then. I will admit that it is sometimes hard for me to do this. It take a bit of effort for me to get into "kink" or dominatrix mode and it can feel weird or silly at first. However, once I get into the role play, the weirdness passes quickly and it is always fun and exciting for me. When you open up to each other and really explore those kinks, you experience a vulnerability and pleasure that is thrilling, mind blowing and very fulfilling. Men fantasize constantly,especially about their fetishes. When you take the time and effort to make their fantasies come true, they really appreciate it and enjoy it and therefore they become highly motivated to please you out of both appreciation for making their fantasy real and out of hope that by continuing to please you, they will be rewarded again with more fantasy play. Take your WLM/FLR to an exciting level by using his fetishes and fantasies as a motivator. 

Giving him the punishment he wants!
If he wants to be punished or reprimanded then make that his reward. Turn into the dominatrix of his fantasies. The big difference here is that you can feel good about doing it because it is fantasy play and not a real punishment. If you want to make it more real, then become the super strict wife for a night or weekend. Keep him under tight control and make sure he can do no right. Why not give him a list of chores to do and then afterward, lead him around by his cock or a leash and criticize his work. Give him a nice little swat on the butt for each item that is not perfectly done. He will certainly feel your authority in this scenario and the good thing is that it might even improve how he does chores in the future!

Assigning Tasks
Believe it r night, assigning tasks can be a motivator for submissive men. They trick is to do it in a dominant and commanding way so that he knows he is doing the tasks out of obedience to you. The motivation with this technique is that by you exerting commanding authority over him, he gets aroused and excited to follow your orders. You can accomplish this by giving him several tasks to do over a period of time and being very specific about how you want the tasks done and giving him deadlines to complete them.  Using a commanding tone is also important. It also adds to your authority by having him in a submissive position, such as kneeling or naked, when you are giving the orders. One of my favorite ways to give tasks to Thomas is to leave a note on his bureau for him to read, which gives detailed instructions on what he is to do for the day and what he is to wear. It's so funny that he is usually sporting an erection by the time he is done reading the note.

A fun twist is to require him to wear something special while doing the tasks as a reminder that he is your slave. My favorites are having him wear a cock strap, butt plug, and hand picked pair of panties. All three of those worn together and he knows he is under my control. Once I got creative and tied a pink ribbon around the base of his cock so that every time he went to the bathroom, it reminded him of his place. The "Assigning Tasks" technique is a great way to motivate without exerting too much effort so it's good to use if you are busy or just not in a mood to be overly dominant.

A gift and Word of Appreciation
Let's not forget the vanilla way of doing things. Giving your husband a gift or simply giving positive appreciation such as "Thank you," "you are doing great," "I am pleased with you," "I love that you are my slave," and my favorite, "Good boy," are also a nice motivators.  It's human nature to want to be appreciated. When a person is appreciated, they feel good about themselves and it motivates them to continue to do good, especially for the person that gave the appreciation. Even submissive men who crave strict authority and humiliation, feel good when they receive appreciation from their Goddess Wife. There is nothing wrong with the wife showing appreciation by buying a gift for her husband, such as tickets to a sporting event, or item that he has wanted. Many submissive husband's are kept on a strict allowance and so it can be a special motivator when his wife buys him a gift.

I use all of the above motivators with my husband and they work great. The techniques I use the most frequently are discipline sessions, quick teases, and assigning tasks. The other items I use on occasion to motivate him and when I do they are very effective. How and when you use these motivators makes a difference in keeping him motivated and there are also other factors that affect his motivation. I will discuss more about these items in my next post. In the meantime, please feel free to share your thoughts and what motivators work for you.

-Mz Kaylee.

Another Great Benefit About Wife Led Marriage (WLM)

So things have been a bit stressful and out of the ordinary with COV19 and all the protests going on in the US. Our daily routine has changed significantly and with the kids in the house all of the time now, it's challenging to for my husband and I to find alone time. In the beginning my husband did a great job keeping up with his chores and duties to me. However, as the "stay-at-home" order prolonged and a few personal issues came up, he started to slack off a bit and his focus on serving me was not quite as sharp as it needed to be. I admittedly, became a little lazy in my leadership and was not exerting as much control over him as usual so that left room for him to slack off.

All it took was a quick discipline session to get him back on track. In the morning he was out of the house so I texted him that I was not satisfied with how things were going and that he should plan for a discipline session that night. The text was probably enough to correct course as his attitude already started to change for the better that day. He texted back an apology and said he would be ready for the discipline. It was a brief session. As is normal for our discipline sessions, he was naked except for a special pair of panties reserved for discipline, Putting these panties on puts him in the right frame of mind for the discipline. I talked about what needed to change and he agreed and apologized and promised to do better. He then gave me a massage and pleasured me. No orgasm for him but he did get quite a bit of teasing from me. Then it was off to the corner for him for 20 minutes to help him refocus.

The next day he thanked me for refocusing him and could not do enough to help me and serve me. He had extra pep in his step when doing his chores. Everything was back on track. This experience highlights how easily issues can be resolved in a WLM. There was no arguing or yelling. He accepted my criticism without being defensive. Since the lines of authority are clearly drawn in our relationship and because my expectations for him are well defined, he knew he was slacking off and knew there were consequences associated and so there was no argument. 

Overall the discipline session was a very positive experience for both of us. We both came out of it feeling good and with new positive energy. I love that dynamic so much! In a WLM it is so easy to reconcile and get back on track. I can't remember the last time I had an argument with my husband. When I feel there is an issue or I am not satisfied with his behavior, a short discipline session does the trick. I add punishment if warranted, but anymore it is rare that he does something that requires a harsh punishment. 

He is also allowed to discuss with me any issues or concerns he has. It must be a discussion and not an argument. He will not be punished for raising concern but he will be punished if he does so in a negative or argumentative tone. He understands that I have the final say in all matters and he accepts that. Having open communication and clear rules for resolution is wonderful and allows us to bring closure to issues and move on.without arguing.

-Mz Kaylee

 

 Overall it was a very positive experience for both us.

Follow-up To Redirecting His Sexual Energy

Below is a well thought out follow-up response from Mike on my last post. One of the concepts I introduced in my post was the idea that pleasure for the submissive male comes from many things other than intercourse. Mike provides good examples of how this has worked for him. I am glad he shared his experience with this as it is not always an easy concept to understand for those new to the lifestyle. His examples below provide real world examples of how the dynamic works. Thanks Mike for your contribution.  -Mz Kaylee

Here is Mike's response:

Mz Kaylee's last post, " "Redirecting His Sexual Energy", had great points that I made astounding connections. I thought I could share a little of my personal experience and perhaps others may find similarities. One big take away  was written in bold.

His sexual pleasure comes from being controlled, being mentally fucked, and pleasuring and obeying her. That is his sex. 

I find this to be a very solid truth in our marriage.  She also mentioned that there may be less sex than in a traditional marriage but more intense and impactful sex. I think other people posted similar experiences and I would probably agree wholeheartedly.

I may even go a step further and say that in our WLM, sex isn't a major foundational component or driving force of the relationship. Originally, sex was a main reason why we decided to enter a WLM. There were too many arguments and disappointments regarding sexual expectations prior to a WLM. We were at the point that sex was given at an obligation.

Now, I'd say the major foundation of our WLM is my wife's authority, leadership, the mind fuck, as Ms Kaylee described.  I don't think the mind fuck exists without that inner need to feel that arousal. I'd like to add the arousal I get from pleasing my wife is a driving force of my obedience.  "Sex" is the arousal of all things done to please her. In addition, my loyalty, trust and submissiveness to follow is expected and is given. Her natural sense to be in charge quickly became utilized for this lifestyle as that was the avenue she could mostly be herself.

I'll also put it this way. If we were to go back to the traditional marriage sex aspect, she may tolerate it and the relationship may be ok. However, if we took away her authority in the household and I was not submissive, I'd question how well our marriage would survive.  This is how much more of a driving force her leadership is as a backbone to our marriage.
I have theoretically 10 opportunities to please and satisfy her throughout the day, 7 days a week. I'm referring to these little tasks given such as making her coffee and breakfast, doing her laundry, cleaning the dishes, grocery shopping. These are times she expresses her power and for her to see that I follow her lead.  This is arousing for me and gratifying for her.  With that being said, sex only provides only one aspect to contribute to that balance. On the flip side, we don't have sex 10 times a day, 7 days a week. I'm sure someone would say to just give her 10 orgasms everyday. But that 7 days a week isn't very practical. At least not for us :)  So there are residual effects when following my daily duties and her giving me commands.

What has become more apparent is that sex is not FOR me. Sex is for my wife. While I thoroughly enjoy it, I do not have a say in when, how, how long, how fast to thrust, to cum etc. I'm left hard and wanting more, yet satisfied. The wife controls all and gets all the orgasms.  This is quite the change before we started a WLM.  I had sex when I had an urge for an orgasm and controlled all aspects and got that release each time.

I'm not stating sex is less important. But it has its place and there are other ways to please and satisfy and pleasure my wife that rank higher on the list. As Ms Kaylee wrote in bold, our daily sex that matters more is the mind fuck that continually reignites with all the serving.
Everytime she expresses her power and authority, it sends an impulse of arousal that keeps me submissive and under her control. Recently, there were erroneous charges on a credit card I had.  She was able to resolve the charges.  However, upon telling me this, she stated that since I was irresponsible, I would not have a credit card to use anymore.  This was an expression of her power and authority that was exhilirating and arousing.  This is her preferred method to keep me in check. Now that I think about it, she is clear in decions that would directly benefit her. This is true on directions with cleaning, making breakfast, laundry etc. Although, the majority of my tasks are expected and aren't daily stated at this point.

Regarding sex, it simply has become another way to serve her and give her pleasure. I don't receive cock teases, edging, corner time, or maintenance sessions, or kinks as these don't directly pleasure her. She doesn't get aroused by those and just isn't her way or fit her style. When she wants sex, it seems like she primarily wants her orgasms, after some time from the last one has passed and needs her urge satisfied. 

The other day, I had some time between activities and enjoying some quiet time in the bedroom. Moments before, she mentioned she was going to start on her DIY home decor project and didn't need me. Unexpectedly and to my surprise she came into the room, said to take off my pants. I did as I was told. Not much speaking occurred from that point. She clearly wanted her orgasms. No kissing, no foreplay. I'm given direction to give her oral or penetration.  After she had a few orgasms, she says she's had enough, says thank you, gets dressed and goes back to her home decor project. I'd say that's typically how our "sessions" go. My cock or mouth is a tool to give her what she wants. We do connect and it's intense, yet my role is simple and with one purpose. 

If my wife was asked, "what do you like most about your WLM?" I'm certain it wouldn't be about sex. She admits she likes being in control. If I were asked the same, or how can I make it better, I also wouldn't say anything about sex. I'd like to find more ways to better take her daily directions. I know this is an unpopular thought but this is why we don't view my full blown orgasms as exciting and and something to look forward to.  Or why having one in her also doesn't benefit her. I hope the insight on what we / she likes best about a WLM isn't really what most may like, sex. It's the empowerment she receives. My full orgasms infringes and corrupts, to a degree, the balance she is able to consistently control me and keep me in my place. 

During one session, I could tell she was in the mood to have big orgasms, so I brought her dildo to use. It is much larger than me and she thoroughly enjoyed the orgasms. Afterwards, she said she felt bad for enjoying the bigger, longer cock and me not being as involved. I told her she shouldn't feel bad and that I really enjoyed watching her get fucked by a larger dick. They are her orgasms to have and should do so more often as she pleases. She realized as did I, that my cock wasn't sufficient or adequate for what she wanted. And I'm not insecure by it. Sex she gives and allows me to have with her is a privelage and doesn't necessarily need me to get her orgasms. I know my role and my servitude under her leadership plays a more vital and valuable role than what my cock or mouth provide.  And I believe that is just at pleasing or satisfying to her as much if not more, than the sex I give her. I laugh a little, all of this may have " cuckold" all over it.  Today, I'm tasked with finding a certain seasoning/ spice at the grocery store. She'll be happy if I bring it home. She'll be disappointed if I do not. I wish to please her. I'm more concerned and thrilled with successfully completing her request more than being concerned if she wants a bigger cock than mine. Isn't that mind blowing?

Lastly, controlling the masturbating was tough. We both love to exercise. She's in an intense gym workout group and I do weight lifting, and running 4 to 5 days a week. I'm sure some of our sexual energy gets dispersed from exercise. It does for me. And perhaps she likes it as it helps controls my impulses. I would recommend people that struggle with masturbating to find something physical to do such as gardening, home projects, walking etc.  This was pivotal in keeping my mind off my dick and to put that energy elsewhere.

It's almost ironically and ridiculously sounding to have a WLM. We're essentially telling a guy, " you may have less sex, less orgasms, less say decisions, no masturbating, but have the most rewarding relationship ever." :)

I'm sure my story may sound strange and peculiar? 

Hope all is well

-Mike

Redirecting His Sexual Energy

We all know that males overflow with sexual energy. It's like the moment they first discovered sexual pleasure in their adolescence, it ignited an endless volcano of sexual desire. It seems virtually impossible for men to contain it. Erections are rampant, porn addictions are common, crude sexual jokes and comments never get old with men, and men are always looking to get laid or dreaming about it. Their sexual energy is constant and radiates from every inch of their bodies. I usually don't like to generalize about people but in this case I think it's appropriate. Sure, some guys are better at managing it on the surface, but I'm pretty sure what I described above fits 99% of guys to some degree. Guys, if you disagree feel free to voice your opinion but first make sure you read this entire post so you understand my complete thinking on this topic.

I am convinced that men are hard wired with constant sexual energy. It is in their nature. The challenge is that not all women are prepared to meet this level of sexual energy and most men do not have women at their beck and call to quench their energy. At a young age, a female partner is not even an option for boys. It almost seems cruel that puberty starts at such a young age for boys. The result is that boys and teenagers resort to chronic masturbation and porn. Sexual jokes and inappropriate public behavior also come into play and are signs of their sexual energy spilling over; symbolic of their desperate pleas for sex. When they finally do reach a point where they have a meaningful relationship with a woman, they've already formed these bad habits. These bad habits continue into the relationship unless something (or someone) forces things to change.

The Married Masturbating Man
Let's fast forward to marriage. Ladies, whether you know it or not, you husband is masturbating and looking at porn and probably doing some of the other items mentioned above. Unless you have already grabbed the bull by the horns and put a stop to it, it's happening. Masturbating is not necessarily a bad thing. For single guys it's a normal part of life. A guy needs to release his sexual energy on a regular basis, especially younger guys. For married guys, it's also a release when they are not getting enough sexual attention from their wife. I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that that majority of married men and men in committed relationships have a much higher sex drive and need for sex than their partner. I know it's not true for every couple, but it is a common problem. Therefore masturbation is a way for them to release that sexual energy while still staying faithful to their partner.

While I see masturbation as acceptable in a traditional marriage, it can become destructive and I see it as wasted energy. Masturbation becomes destructive when it consumes the husband's sex life. If he is spending more time fantasizing about other women and masturbating, compared to the intimate and quality time he is spending with his wife, then it is a problem. There are many reasons why this could happen, some of which could be the fault of the husband and some could be the fault of the wife. I don't not intend to get into the 'why' discussion in this post. Instead I'd like to discuss how to prevent it or change it. You see, un-monitored masturbation is wasted energy that has little benefit to the wife. In a WLM, the wife should put a stop to her husband's self-masturbation and redirect his sexual energy to her.

The first step is to call him out on it and lay down the law that he is not allowed to masturbate without permission. The second step is to take control of his orgasms. No orgasms without your permission. He must always ask for permission to orgasm. You (the wife) decide when and how he orgasms - no exceptions.  By implementing these two steps, you are redirecting all his sexual energy toward you and away from random masturbation and fantasizing about other women. This  gives you an exciting power over him. Since you are the one that holds the key to his orgasms, he will start to bend over backwards to please you in order to get an orgasm.

Orgasm control also forces a mental shift in the male mind and puts you at the center of his attention. What I have heard from my husband and other guys is that, when under orgasm control, fantasies still run wild in their head. In fact, when you incorporate orgasm denial, the fantasies becomes even more frequent and more wild. However, the fantasies start to evolve around you and not other women. Take a moment to pause and think about the effect of that on your husband. Suddenly you are the center of his fantasy and he is fantasizing about you frequently - probably daily. It's no doubt that his fantasies involve you dominating him in some extreme way.  Put all this together with orgasm control and no masturbation without permission, and the result is that his arousal is constant and his mind is sinking deeper into submission to you.  Not just submission but submission to you. It's very powerful and it is real.

Managing His Sexual Energy
Once you put orgasm and masturbation control into effect, your work is not done. You can't just implement these rules and then do nothing and expect him to always be a perfect little subbie for you (that would be nice, wouldn't it!). His mind will be going wild by not being allowed to orgasm or masturbate. You need to monitor and manage him on an ongoing basis in order to keep him obedient and focused on you. This is especially important when your first start out.

The monitoring is about being in tune with his emotions and mind set. Pay attention to his mood, attitude, and horniness. If you are seeing large mood swings or he starts to become very needy or annoying, then it's probably a sign that he needs an orgasm to release all that built up tension and emotion caused by orgasm denial. Too much denial and restriction can back fire on you and de-motivate him.

If he is super horny...perfect! He is in a weakened state of mind and ripe for having your way with him. This is when you have the most power and influence over him so have fun Goddesses! When orgasm control is done right, he is in a constant state of arousal and always at your mercy. That is the result of you harnessing all that wasted energy from masturbation and using it to create value for you!

In addition to monitoring his state of mind, you need to manage his sexual energy on an ongoing basis with the objective of keeping him in a steady horny state. Keeping him in this state of mind keeps him focused on you and keeps him productive and obedient for you. The work it takes to manage his sexual energy pays off in dividends for you.

Think of it as keeping a warm campfire burning.  A nice steady fire on a cool night feels great. If you stand a few feet away you feel a comforting and pleasant warmth. That is his steady state arousal. However, the fire is not going maintain its warmth on its own. You need to add some fuel to the fire to keep it going. Every now and then you have to throw some wood on the fire to keep it burning. The great thing about submissive men is that there are lots of sources of fuel for their sexual energy. A few minutes of cock teasing stokes the fire. Ordering him to orally pleasures you causes an inferno. When a guy is in his steady aroused state, simply taking a strict tone or ordering him to do something can fuel his sexual energy. With my husband, all I need to do speak to him or question him in a commanding tone and *boom!* his arousal spikes. Something as easy as ordering him to clean the bedroom or kneeling before me starts an erection growing in his pants.

There are so many ways to stoke the fire. The bigger the log, the more combustible the fuel, the more sexual energy and arousal you get. Intense teasing sessions, sex, domination and fantasy play are all highly combustible fuels. If I do any of these with Thomas, his arousal is a raging fire and the effect lasts for days. Not only does his arousal intensify; his submission, obedience, and loyalty to me intensifies. The smart wife, recognizes this and leverages it to benefit her.

With your husband, if you set a goal to throw at least one log in the fire each day to fuel his sexual energy, then you'll always have a nice warm fire to enjoy. Just a few minutes a day will keep his arousal flowing. Sometimes, I will just tease his cock long enough to get him hard and then stop.  That's all he gets for the day!  If you can drop more then one log on the fire in a day or do one of the more intense activities to get his energy raging, that is even better. A good goal is to incorporate the more intense item at least once a week.

Keeping the Fire Burning
These are just guidelines. Everyone is different and requires different levels of attention to get results. Some of you may already be doing these types of things more frequently and other women may struggle to keep up with the guidelines I provided. You may have days or weeks where you don't do anything because other things in life get in the way. It happens to all of us. If you are new to WLM, it can be challenging to manage all this because fueling his sexual energy is not something your used to doing. It is a new focus for you and requires forming new habits and routines. It can be challenging also because the effects on him of not doing it are not always visible to you. You can't see the struggles for attention and craving to be dominated and controlled that he is wresting with inside his mind and so for you it easy for all this to be out of sight, out of mind. To get the most out of your WLM, that traditional way of thinking needs to change. You need to be tuned into his sexual energy and always be monitoring and managing it. A few days missed is not a big deal. When it turns to weeks, the husband usually starts to lose focus and become frustrated or depressed and that's when the bad behavior or laziness starts.

If you struggle to keep up with managing his sexual energy (I did for many years), the key is to set the goal of doing it and never lose sight of the goal. Establishing routines also helps you stick with it. Stay in tune with your husband's attitude and behavior. If you notice you are losing some of the warmth from the fire, then do something to fuel it back up again. There were many times with Thomas, where I almost let the fire go out and when I realized that, it upset me. What I learned is that with submissive men (or at least with Thomas), it is so easy to ignite the fire again. One moment of domination and it's like pouring kerosene on the hot ashes. Instantly the flames rise up and his submissive fire is burning hot again, like nothing ever changed. If you find yourself in a situation where things are going south because you've not been dominant or sexual for sometime, no worries. Spend a night being dominant with him and re-iterating your expectations of his obedience to you and he will be thrilled and right back under your thumb!

Concluding Thoughts And Call To Action
In a traditional marriage, sex is an event and masturbation is left unchecked. There is no attention paid by the wife to the constant sexual energy that flows within her husband. What makes a WLM, different is that the wife recognizes this sexual energy and takes control of it in order to mold him into an obedient and loyal submissive. Sex for the submissive man is not just an event. It is special privilege that must be earned and is managed by the wife. Sex to the submissive man evolves into something completely different. His sexual pleasure comes from being controlled, being mentally fucked, and pleasuring and obeying her. That is his sex. It is constant arousal with a few burst of intense pleasure thrown in every now then. The submissive man does not have physical sex and orgasm as much as a man in a traditional marriage but his sex life is much better and more intense because his wife is constantly stoking his arousal and sexual energy. Most guys that experience this never want to go back to the traditional way.

For all my fellow Goddesses out there, if you have not done so already, take control of your man's orgasms right now and put a stop to his uncontrolled masturbation. This will focus his attention on you. Manage his orgasms and don't let his sexual energy go to waste. Invest time into it to gain control over him so that you can benefit from his submissive needs and desired. He will love it and you will have him wrapped around your finger.

-Mz Kaylee





















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More on Profiles

I am impressed with the profiles that have been submitted thus far. It is wonderful to learn background information on each of you and to hear you experiences in your WLM. I believe hearing these things help others validate that they are moving down the right path with WLM and that there are many people who share the same feelings as they do and experience the same challenges in the WLM journey. You can see there are both similarities and differences in how couples approach their WLM. There is a lot of great advice embedded in the profiles. I encourage you all to read through the profiles.

I also want to point out that there are comments in the profiles and a few of you have posted comments. If you've written a profile, you may want to check back every now and then to see if anyone has commented. Feel free to reply to comments posted on your profile, but it's purely up to you if you want to do so. 

Finally I want to encourage everyone to submit profiles of your own. The profiles and a template for doing a profile is on the right side of the blog. If you've submitted a profile and don't see it, let me know.  I've published all profiles that have been submitted.

Thanks and stay safe everyone!

-Mz Kaylee

Guest Post: "Accept-Become-Enjoy" by Khorina

I thought I'd share the "method" I use that has worked wonders for increasing my submission: "Accept-Become-Enjoy". It is based on something I saw years ago, "BEST Slave Training", but I removed the "kinky" parts as they don't apply to my Queen.

Nothing complicated: "Accept" is about identity, about rebuilding the sub's identity as a sub to deeply accept submission at his core; "Become" is about really becoming useful for Her, excelling in the tasks She expects; "Enjoy" is about enjoying service as the reward, truly NOT waiting for anything else.

The key to me is "accept". In my mind, subs that do this for sexual pleasure are still being self-centered & sooner or later that shows. For me this has been the most difficult part, I "desired" to accept but deep inside myself I was still "me". True submission implies a rebuilding of one's identity, as scary as it sounds. But in a trust relationship, this is not difficult, as the other person loves and cares. For us, the issue was religion. Queen is very religious, and I thought I was "neutral' but really deeply thought religion was lies. I went through some cycles of submission but true submission was about rebuilding my identity as a sub and accepting religion as a fundamental part of myself.

Fortunately, religion has ways to facilitate this conversion, this deep identity change. I still see myself "trying" from the beginning, going to conversion retreats but the "old me" just stopping real change. I fantasized about conversion, yet once I was in the perfect environment to "break" my old self (one very appealing to subs, by the way) I would close myself. But I did notice some progress, at least in submission: I did wanted to convert for Her. Through enough cycles and fighting my tendency to close, years ago I started to become a new person that accepted Her authority in all aspects of life, including religion. Yesterday was such a beautiful example of the "accept-become-enjoy": we had a very spiritually intimate night of worship, and I could be of service by doing all the tasks/chores to free ourselves to do it. Queen & myself enjoying each second of it. My reward was to enjoy the activity itself from my very inside, something beautiful. No expectancy of sex, kissing or worship of Queen as rewards. We, as desired by Queen, are going through an abstinence time; with pregnancy not being an option & having experienced the limitations of natural planning, no sex forever is very possible. That enjoyment goes to worship, to service, to friendships that Queen appreciates. Yes, i deeply renounced to "serve Karen" or people that I found dominantly attractive, my enjoyment being only in worship, service and appropriate friendships. 

"Become" is of course really important too: submission shows in tasks. This morning I had a lovely exchange of messages with a friend of my Queen. I also did my chores & have been working, but made room to go the extra mile and grab notes from a video that my Queen enjoyed. One of my goals is to perfect every day my service to Queen. Being useful is as fundamental to me as being obedient. "Become" is a never ending task, there is always room for becoming better.

So I've gone through these cycles for years, and it has been very effective. The latest cycles have been more about "become-enjoy" given that the acceptance part is very established. Emotions-Self Image & Thoughts aligned in an identity. In our case, it's God on top, Queen and then me: just as Queen wouldn't think of offending God, I wouldn't think of offending Her. 

I wish others knew of the richness of letting Women lead. I think I was conditioned the other way but I'm really thankful for my Queen and my path to become Hers.

khorina