Transitioning from Work to Home

I expect my husband to be obedient to me at all times.  When he is at home his focus is to be on serving me and making me happy. As strange as it may sound, this is what makes him happy. After a hard day at work, he finds relaxation and joy in serving me. However, sometimes it is not so easy for him to let go of the work day. There have been times when his attitude has been a little terse with me or that he has spoken with a bit of authority towards me, which is not acceptable in our house. In fairness, I must confess that I have my moments when I am short with him because of a bad day at work or I am not paying attention to him because my mind is occupied with work related thoughts.  When the "home routine" starts off on a negative it can unfortunately spoil the rest of the day.

Something new I put in place this year was a transition routine for my husband to help him get into the right mindset when he arrives at home. When he comes home from work each day he changes into panties and then puts on a cock ring. This simple routine has been very effective at resetting his mind so that he is focused on serving me. I chose the cock ring because it is symbolic of his submission to me and my control over him. In the FLR lifestyle it is no secret that men think with their cocks and that their strong desire for pleasure is a key part of their submissive needs. Therefore, having him physically put this symbol around his cock each day sends a clear message to his brain that he belongs to me.

I made panties a part of the transition because panties have a submissive effect on him. Whenever he slips on a pair of panties it mentally softens him. If I am in the room when he slips them on, he always gets aroused. Sometimes it's just a little swelling down there and sometimes it's a full on hard-on. I'm pretty sure this happens when I am not around as well. The combination of softening his mind, arousing him, and reminding him of his submission to me is a perfect mix of emotions to make him forget about his workday and shift into submissive husband mode.

One of the nice things about the routine is that it is simple, quick, and does not require me to be there. He knows what to do and he does it even when I am not home. Since the routine has been put in place, I've noticed he is more calm and more consistently looking for ways to please me.  When he comes out of the bedroom, I know he has transitioned and knowing that helps me shift into Goddess mode for the night.  Having this transition routine has been a good change for our household. 

I also have a transition routine to help me forget about the work day and to remind myself to give my husband some attention. This is imporatant because submissve men are very needy of their wife's attention. Our house gets very busy during the school year and it is so easy for me to come home and get caught up in other things that I don't even pay much attention to my husband.  This is fine for a little while but I have learned that over time, it has a negative impact on him and his obedience to me. My transition routine helps remind me to spend time focused on him during the week. When I arrive home, I immediataly change out of my work clothes. There's just something relaxing about shedding the work clothes and putting on someting comfy to lounge in. Then I close my eyes and take three deep breaths and think of something that makes me happy.  It's usually something silly that my kids have done or my dog. Then I visualize my husband kneeling before me, waiting to serve me.  That's my routine.  Easy and simple but it is very effective at shifting my mindset away from work and into Goddess mode.

I would encourage you all to think about a transition routine.  You can have separate routines for your husband and you or a transition routine that you both take part in together. There are many options that you can put in place. Some examples include having your husband kneel at the door whenever you enter the house or having him always greet you at the door and ask how he may serve you. Wearing a particular piece of clothing or jewelry is another method to transition. A collar worn by the husband is a good example or something more discreet would be to have him put on a ring or necklace that is symbolic of his submission. If you have your husband in chastity, you could wear his chastity key around your neck at home.  This not only helps you transition but also presents a powerful image of ownership to your husband.  A more discreet option would be for you to put on an anklet egraved with the word Mistress. If that is even too racey for your lifestyle, any type of anklet or necklace will do. Having a physical symbol to put on, of your dominance or his submission, is a great way to help you mentally shift into Goddess mode and shift him into obedient mode.

For my male readers, think about suggesting this to your wife and let her know it is a way to help you better serve her. Don't get carried away with an elaborate ritual. Keep it simple and remember the objective is to help you get in the right frame of mind to be a good submissive husband; it is not about your pleasure. If she does not latch onto the idea, then come up with a simple routine of your own to help keep you focused being a good husband. It is something you can do quietly for yourself.

For the Female readers, I reccommend you give it a try with your husband. It has worked well for me. Make sure you pay attention each day to ensure he is following through on the routine.  If he forgets, a stern warning is effecitve.  If he continues to forget then discipline and punishment is in order until he is trained properly. Also, think about a routine for yourself.  I find it helps me destress and also reminds me to givie my husband attention.

Just For Fun

Since I am slow to post because I am a slow writer, how about some of you share experiences to fill the time? I was recently corresponding with someone who shared an experience in which a woman at work acted in a very dominant way toward a guy.  It was not sexual but he sensed the dominance, knew it was out of the ordinary of typical work stuff but he could not resist following her orders and was overcome with submissive feelings.  I realize this is a bit general but I kept it general for confidentiality reasons.  What I love about this experience is that it underscores the deep submissive desires that exist in many men and that it is not just a passing kink.

I am sure most of you submissive guys have had an experience like this, No?  Let's hear it. For my fellow Goddess Women, if you've been the initiator of situation like this, please share.

To Do List

I made a "to-do" list of things that I wanted to get done for the day. One of the items I wrote down was 'have an orgasm.' In the evening I ordered my husband to strip naked and lie on his back. I had a night gown on but I did not not take it off. I sat on his face and rode him hard while he licked me to an orgasm. It only took a few minutes. As soon as my orgasm ended, I got up, crossed off 'have an orgasm' from my list and went to bad. Hubby was still lying on the floor fully aroused. He crawled over to the side of the bed, kissed me, told me how incerdible it was, and thanked me for queening him and letting him give me an orgasm. Ahhh, the Female Led Lifestyle is amazing! If you haven't given it a try, you don't know what you are missing.

Hope everyone had a great summer.

-Mz Kaylee

If You Could....the details

As promised, below are how I categorized the responses in the summary grid in my last post.  There are some categories that were not on the summary grid in my last post simply becasuse there were only a few responses that fit into those categories and so it did not rank high enough to be on the grid.  At the bottom of the list, I have also noted misceallaneous responses that did not fit into categories.  The details are intrguing and provide specific ideas to incorporate into your FLR. 

Chores	Laundry, sweep house, clean bedroom, kitchen and bathroom, vacuum, does dishes, does chores without being told, does 99% of chores and errands, consistent and thorough with housework
Discipline and Spanking	Regular discipline sessions, maintenance spankings, whipping, spanked to tears, OTK position for 15-20 minutes; Mistress uses variety of instruments such as riding crop, wooden spoon, hairbrush, paddle and leather belt
Pampering/Massage	He bathes her, massages her, puts lotion on her, shaves and cleans her pussy; he gives her manicures, pedicures, foot rubs; increased knowledge and competence in massage
Punishment/held accountable	Punished when needed, punishment fits the crime, he is held accountable, he is questioned, punished with extra assignments, reprimanded, or curtailment of privileges; punishments generally should not be necessary, corporate punishment that is a deterrent, she brings out her inner "bitch" with punishments
Unconditional Obedience	Does what she wants immediately and without question; is her housewife
Loves and Respects Her	Is polite to me, respects me when I am with others, is loving and caring
Strictness and Control	Controls his TV watching, sex life, bedtime, clothes/underwear that he wears, conversations; she gives directives/does not request; she verbalizes exactly what she wants; she is more controlling, more strict, more open with her desires and expectations; she fingers his bottom with a "fuck me" dominant attitude; she exerts more power over him
Sex By Her Terms	Her rules and her priorities during sex, she takes complete control of sex, she decides when and how, sex whenever she wants and on her terms
Use of Rituals	Kneeling, foot worship, ritual of service (serving tea in bed), kneeling naked daily, daily rituals, ritual when wife returns home (greet her naked, kiss her, kneel, kiss feet, remove shoes)
oral sex for her/Face sitting	Required pussy worship every morning, endless oral sex, complete oral servitude, lots of oral sex
Orgasm Control	She completely controls his orgasms
More Teasing	More teasing and denial; a day of teasing for him, constant teasing by wife, more teasing and mind games
More sex/sex on demand/orgasms for her	More focus on her desires and less on his, she demand sex more often, sex on her terms, more orgasms for her
He recognizes obedience to her/ownership	Acknowledges FLR, that he obey and belongs to her, she is breadwinner and he is homemaker
Other Responses (not on summary grid):
Less Whining	No pestering about lack of orgasms, knowing when to shut up and listen
Deep Connection with her	She should probe into his heart and mind, know him fully, a connection with her where he is both awed and amazed by her and her lover for him and the thought of looking for sexual satisfaction elsewhere does not enter his mind; deep emotional connection not always seen in vanilla marriage
Public Play/Play with others	Engage with others in some way, participate with another/others as a submissive couple, be dominated in public (verbal, slap, dominant situations)
Training	Training protocols, training to do it right
Miscellaneous Responses by both men & Women	Forced cum eating, he is naked, cuckolding, she has final decision
Miscellaneous Responses by men only	Anal penetration by her, he worships her ass, forced bi, he is collared, he is marked, she wears male clothes, erotic humiliation, he acknowledges female supremacy and FLR, monthly review/assessment of FLR, sexualizing mundane tasks, she feels free to live as she desires, he is rewarded, she dresses dominantly/fetish wear, she is available 24/7 for nursing, she is firm with softness, sex slave/forced to do things for her, she is comfortable being pleased in ways other than intercourse, she values him, punishments are safe and come with care/discussion time afterward, she talks seductively
Miscellaneous Responses by Women only	Feminization, he is attentive to her needs and keeping her happy, treats her like a Goddess; he cooks for her, drives her around and takes care of car, does shopping; he is her sex toy, does everything with pleasure, drinks her piss; she control finances; he does spontaneous gestures such as hair brushing, cuddling, pedicures, doing extra (all) chores, doing chores for her friend

If You Could....The Results are in!

I have finally had the chance to compile all the responses I received from the "If You Could" post.  Thank you for your patience. Compiling the results in a meaningful way took longer than I expected. Some very insightful things came out of the responses so it was worth the work. I appreciate all those who responded. There are many of you whom I can always count on for feedback and comments and you all keep me motivated to write more. It was also great to see in my inbox many new names of people who responded to the post. Your participation made the results more impactful and meaningful. If I did not get a good quantity of responses, this exercise would not have been fruitful so thank you all for participating!

To refresh, here is what was asked:  "If you could have things any way you want in your FLR, what would be the top 5 - 10 things you would incorporate in your FLR?  Please answer honestly without consideration of your current situation.  In other words what is your ideal or fantasy FLR?  " 

I categorized the responses into common categories.  There were 14 categories that had multiple responses associated with them. The chart below highlights these categories broken out further between male and female. I color coded them so that you can easily find the match between male responses and female responses. Text that is highlighted in red indicates that there was no matching response.  Next to each response, I indicated the percentage of people who had at least one response that fell into the category.

What is fascinating is that none of the categories that had the highest response rate for females had high response rates for males or visa versa. In most cases, categories that were ranked high for one sex were ranked low or not ranked at all by the opposite sex. For females, the top responses are focused on the male doing things for the female and being obedient to her. For males, the most popular categories are focused on the male being disciplined, punished, and being controlled.There is some correlation between the two groups, but they are clearly very different perspectives. The female perspective has an underlying tone of the male doing things for the female out of obedience and to please the female, whereas the male perspective has an underlying tone of servitude and wanting to feel controlled and held accountable as a means to obeying the female.

With the differences highlighted by the above chart, one can understand why it is common for people to struggle to find the right balance in a FLR. This exercise demonstrates that for many people, there are clearly two different forces and motives at play in the FLR.

On the positive side there are commonalities between the female and male responses.  In the Medium section of the table (categories with 20% - 30% of responses), orgasm control and oral sex/facesitting were identified by both male and female. In addition, 25% of the female responses fell within the category "Increase control/strict/dominant attitude," which was a category that fell within the High response rate of males. Perhaps these are the things that should be focused on early in the relationship since both the male and female find these important or appealing. I have no problem with more oral sex!

In my own personal experiences and research, orgasm control is a very common and prominent theme in femdom and FLR and so it is no surprise to see that it was ranked similarly for men and women. Men also emphasized more teasing as being important, which I broke out into a separate category.  One could make the case that the teasing is part of orgasm control and so if you group them together, it brings the female and male response rate even closer. I chose to separate Teasing from Orgasm Control in the chart because only males emphasized the teasing, whereas the female responses were about controlling when and how the male orgasmed. I thought this was an important distinction.

Understanding the different perspectives between female and male when it comes to FLR is a powerful step toward achieving a happy and successful FLR. Every couple is different and so it is also important to go even deeper and understand the differences in desires between you and your partner as you embark on your FLR. Once you understand these differences, what can you do?  Below are some thoughts.

For the husband who is trying to introduce his wife to FLR:

Identify those things that she loves and focus on providing those things to her, without her having to ask. For example, offer to take on chores, offer to massage her, bathe her, or buy her a gift certificate for a manicure/pedicure. Don't do it just once and don't expect anything in return at first. Treat her like a Goddess for a few weeks and then start to discuss your desires with her. Trust me, she is going to eventually know something is going on, but she is going to be more open to the suggestion of her taking the reigns of the marriage if it means all the good things are going to continue for her.

For the wife who is struggling for figure out FLR:

Recognize that everything in the "Male" column in the above chart is a motivator for him. The items in the "High" category are the strong motivators.  These are all tools that you should use to keep him motivated to be obedient to you. These are actions that make him happy and excited to obey and serve you. I have said this before and I will say it over and over again because it is so very important to the FLR: Submissive men need to be controlled and they crave to be controlled and dominated.  It sounds crazy, but discipline and strictness motivate men to serve and obey you. Giving them rules to follow and then walking away and expecting them to follow them without further attention is not going work. You may get immediate results, but to keep him obedient and happily serving you, you need to proactively invest time into exerting your dominance and control over him on an ongoing basis.

The secret is to actively apply his motivators to get him to do what you want (all the things in the Female High Category).

For the experienced FLR wife:

Do not lose site of his motivators. Believe it or not, even a FLR can become vanilla over time. A well trained husband is rarely punished and may not need as much discipline. There is less need for you to be strict because he has been trained to do everything the way you want. However, your strictness and dominance is still a motivator for him and will always excite him and keep him happy. Apply your strictness in the bedroom to keep the spark going. Find new ways to train him so that he still feels your control, and when punishments are non-existent, replace them with rewards. A seductive teasing, sensual spanking, or night of complete dominance can be great rewards for the submissive male.

For the everyday submissive male:

Understand the top desires of your wife (Female, High categories). This is what makes her happy. Focus on these things. Plan a day of pampering for your wife, do chores without being told, and treat her like a Goddess everyday. Go out of your way to make her happy. Recognize that her being strict and dominant to you is not always what she wants and the she is often doing these things for you. When she does these things, thank her and tell her how much you appreciate that she is helping you to live out your fantasy.

These were the observations that I came up with based on your responses. Please share your thoughts. Do you think you fit in with the chart above? Do you agree with my insights or do you see something different or additional in the responses?

There were several responses that did not fit into the above categories.  I will share these in my next post and I will also put together a chart that shows some of the different responses that were grouped into each category.

-MzKaylee

Commanding Him To Cum

Commanding your husband to cum is a powerful and impactful action that builds your control over him and adds to his submissiveness. What better proof of your dominance over him than having him cum on command? Training and conditioning him to cum on command is easy to do and there are many techniques that you can use.

If you practice orgasm control you are already ahead of the game. I've written about orgasm control in my past posts but I've always focused on the teasing and denial aspects of it. In this post, I will focus on the orgasm. If you are practicing teasing and denial, you already know how to bring your husband to the edge of orgasm and if you've been doing it for awhile, you've probably mastered the art of bringing him to the edge over and over again and keeping there. When he is in a highly aroused state and focused on holding back his orgasm for you, having him cum on commands is easy. All you have to do is firmly order "cum for me" and simultaneously stroke his cock hard. Instant orgasm!  The three simple words are powerful. The last two words redirect his focus to you. He is cumning not because he wants to but because you want him to. Be sure that the tone of your voice is firm and commanding. It's the little things that make a big difference. You are sending a message to his mind that he is cumming for you and not for himself. This is much more powerful and impactful than simply allowing him to cum. In the past when Thomas asked for permission to cum, if I was going to allow it, I would respond with ,"yes, you can come." I have since changed my response to "cum for me."

It is a mind fuck for him as he is so focused on holding back his orgasm and then suddenly without warning, he is ordered to cum. Trust me, if you have him on the edge when you do this, the switch in his mind from holding back to releasing orgasm is instant and almost a natural immediate reaction. It is fascinating and I revel in the power that I can instantly bring him to orgasm at any moment.

You can try different variations with the command. Instead of ordering him with no warning at all, you can give him advance notice. You can tell him at the start of the teasing that you are going to let him orgasm but that he must not orgasm until you give the order. This present an even greater mind fuck for him because now he knows it is coming but just not when. As you tease him there is greater hope in his mind that this will be the moment he gets to orgasm. He will most likely get to the edge much quicker and find it harder to hold back. There is a much different set of emotions spinning through his head when he knows he can orgasm at some point compared to if he is holding back his orgasm as part of normal tease and denial. You can also give him a warning when the time is close.  For example, "I am going to let you cum in just a moment but just not right now...."  Watch how his arousal spikes when you say those words.

Another technique is giving him a count down to orgasm. This is a great mind game for him and also a good technique to use if you are new to teasing and denial and not quite familiar with the signs of when he is about explode. You simply tell him you are going to count him down to orgasm and when you get to 1 he can orgasm. When you reach 1, be sure to give him the firm command.  "5-4-3-2-1, cum for me!"  He will instantly cum at that moment! This is a fool proof option. Once you start the countdown his mind is completely focused on getting ready to cum. By the time you get to 3 or 2 he is ready to burst and can barely hold out for 1. A nice steady count down is a great way to condition him to cum on your command and he become very excited by your count down.

Once you have him trained well, you can have fun with the count down. You can start at 10 and do it very slowly to prolong the tease.  You could pause in between certain numbers and verbally tease him a bit about how close he is, how cute it is to see him straining, or how weak he is under your control.  The pauses will drive him insane. I do not recommend pausing at the lower numbers, unless you are feeling a bit cruel :)  It certainly would test his will power but there's a good chance he is past the point of no return and he may burst before you get to command him to cum. Another fun thing to do is stop stroking right before you command him to cum and watch him explode on his own.  Talk about the power of your words!  You can experiment with this and stop stroking on earlier numbers.  I've been able to stop stroking when I get to 3 and he still cums when I finish the count down and command him to cum. It's so much fun to watch and see him cum on command without any touching!  It's a big mind tease for him as well.

These techniques can be used with him masturbating instead of you stroking, or even during sex.  Be creative and have fun!

More on Power Words
As I indicated above it is a powerful action when you command him to cum for you versus just giving him permission to cum. Do not underestimate the power of your words.  Using the right words can multiply the arousing and submissive effect on him and can have a lasting impression. The difference between great sex and great femdom sex is that after awhile great sex is forgotten about but great femdom sticks in his mind year-after-year. Men do not forget those moments when you give them a great mind fuck.

You can play around with many words to enhance the experience of commanding him to cum. When you are in the heat of the moment, I am sure many words will come to mind naturally. Some phrases I have used are: "Cum for me slave," "cum for me Pet," and "Give me all of your cum." While he is cumming I may say things like, "Yes," "Good boy," or "That's right, cum for me." Another powerful command is "I am going to take all your cum from you." I love the dominance in this command. It is a fun command to use if you are going to allow him to orgasm during intercourse. This sends a clear message that you are in control and taking his cum. He has no choice.  You could follow the command with, "There's nothing you can do about it."

There are many possibilities with commanding him to cum. Be sure to be firm and confident when you give the command. When you combine this with orgasm denial, you will have a powerful orgasm control program in place that will clearly establish you as the one in control. Think about how powerful this is.....he never orgasms without your permission, you deny him orgasm as long as you wish, keeping his arousal high, and then the moment you want him to orgasm, you command it from him and his body instantly responds without thought. With you in complete control of his orgasm, he is under your thumb and deeply submissive.  A wonderful way to be, don't you think?

If You Could.....followup

Thanks to all who responded to the previous post.  I received lots of emails and everyone did a great job at keeping it simple and concise. I very much appreciate that! I still need more responses, especially from women. You can either post your comments here or send an email to me if you wish to remain anonymous.  I will not publish any names. Please refer to the previous post for instructions and my email address. 

Thanks! Happy Holidays!

-Mz Kaylee